02x05 - Dumbstruck

[bunniefuu]

Alright, everyone,

I have your test papers back.

Some of you did very well

and some of you just make me sad.

I got %. What did you get?

I did alright.

I b*at you, didn't I?

Looks like it's time for young Clark

to reclaim his title

as the smartest kid in school.

I guess this is one test paper

Grandma won't be puttin' on her fridge.

?

How did you get %, man?

He started by getting

all the answers right.

A strategy you have yet to embrace.

Then he followed up each multiple choice

question with an essay.

I also enjoyed the diorama.

It's fine work, T.J.

More of you should show

T.J.'s kind of initiative.

And you will have that chance to shine,

oh so brightly,

with a make-up assignment.

I want you all to do oral reports

on World w*r II.

[class whining]

Nice going, brainiac.

-Excuse me, Ms. Rawlings?

-Yes, Morris.

-May I be excused from this assignment?

-No, Morris.

Fair enough.

[bell rings]

Work in three man teams. Five minute

reports due the end of next week.

Bell rang, Clark.

So, the usual team?

Three of us do the work?

That's right and guess who's doin'

% of the work?

Alright, so you want to grab some lunch?

Let's go to Dog Burger.

-Sounds good.

-Can I go too?

No, Mr. Diorama.

You have a report to start on.

No problem. I'll have it done before

your second milkshake.

Hey, egghead,

quit studyin' so much

and gettin' so many right answers.

You make the rest of us look bad.

Conversely, you could study harder

and get more right answers.

Then you'd look good.

[whistle blows]

♪ Another slice of the life

Of Master T.J. Henderson ♪

♪ Super intelligent,

A fine young gentleman ♪

♪ A -year-old whiz kid

Bustin' high school ♪

♪ A pugnacious little shorty

With a thousand IQ ♪

♪ He's got a way with the ladies ♪

♪ And he's keepin' it real ♪

♪ Your favorite little study buddy

He knows the deal ♪

♪ That he's still just a kid

On the ball, very clever ♪

♪ You can say that he's bright

brainy, gifted, whatever ♪

♪ Your brother is smart ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

♪Smart guy ♪

♪Smart guy ♪

♪He's a smart guy♪

[wacky comedy sounds on TV]

Man, I think the Three Stooges

have a lot more range

than people give 'em credit for.

I mean, first, they're plumbers,

then they're college professors.

Now look! Moe Howard is playin' h*tler.

That's talent.

You guys could at least pretend

that you're helping me do this report.

You know something? He's right.

We should be helpin' him.

Turn down the volume, man.

Oh, wait a minute.

He's eatin' clam chowder. Turn it up!

Marcus, I know you're not

sticking your little brother

with all the work on this report

because that would be taking advantage.

Alright, alright. I'll hold up my end.

Yeah and you're not doing yourself

any favors sitting here watching--

Hey, Moe's playin' h*tler.

What's he doin' to Curly's head?

Filing it with a wood file.

Sawdust comin' out of his ears.

What's so funny about this?

Mike Tyson bites an ear-- madman.

Moe Howard staples a head-- comic genius.

I don't get it.

You ever feel like you're missing

something?

Yeah. The fruit at the bottom

of my yogurt.

So, what do you feel like you're missing?

They're out there having a hernia laughing

at the Three Stooges.

I just wish I could be a part of that.

You're meant for better things.

I mean, you're gonna write novels

or cure diseases

or be on the Supreme Court.

You'll be the black justice

who isn't a sellout conservative wacko.

[horn honks]

Hey, Dad, there's a truck out here!

Oh, yeah. That's the leftover lumber

from the Mackenzie job.

That needs to go into the garage.

Let me rephrase that.

You need to help it get into the garage.

Now.

I don't live here.

You eat here.

Tape it for me, huh?

Alright, let's make a line.

I'll grab T.J., you pass

and Mo, you stack.

-Right.

-Cool.

You know, the guys

who used to build railroads

used to sing songs

to help the work go faster.

We should do that.

They were also chained together.

Shall we try that as well?

We can sing show tunes.

I'm comfortable with who I am.

Ah, Marcus and Mo.

Nice to see you guys being all you can be.

T.J., your shoe's untied.

Hey, Mo, man, you know,

I was thinkin' of--

[whack]

Are you okay, man?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

I just think I'm gonna go back to bed.

Dad?

Honestly, Pop, I feel terrible.

We really didn't mean to do it.

Look. It's okay. It was an accident.

We just gotta make sure

that T.J.'s gonna be alright.

Breaststroke.

His motor skills are good.

He knows how to swim.

-Mr. Henderson...

-Yes?

Your son is not in any danger.

He's gonna be okay.

Backstroke.

That's not okay.

Don't be alarmed.

While the skull isn't damaged,

the cat scan did show some swelling

in the temporal lobe.

Ah... the temporal lobe.

Just as I suspected.

Ah. . . the ear lobe.

We'll be in the waiting room.

So, this swelling, is that the reason

why he's been acting so...

loopy?

If that's the medical term.

Well, as with any concussion,

T.J. might experience disorientation,

forgetfulness--

Hey, Dad, I'm milking a cow!

Moo!

It might even affect his intelligence,

temporarily.

So, how long is temporary?

A few days... maybe a few weeks.

Well, which is it?

I know this can be scary--

No. You don't know the half of it.

Well, the best thing for him

is to return to his regular routine.

Do the things he usually does.

What? So I should send him back to school?

He's in high school. He's a gifted child,

you know.

Greetings, earthlings.

Meep meep!

I would keep him in school.

In my experience, the more stimulation,

the quicker intelligence

is likely to return.

So at home we should just...

keep up with the regular routine?

That's right and before you know it,

he'll be back to his normal self.

Which, from what you've told me,

would be exceptional.

This is your captain speaking.

I need emergency power now! Captain out.

[T.J.] Noooo!

Ah, here you go, son, French toast...

just the way you like it.

Thanks, Dad.

Can you hand me the, uh... uh...

-The butter?

-Mm-mm.

-Jelly?

-Mm-mm.

-Honey!

-Spoon!

-Kn*fe?

-That's it!

I was gonna say Kn*fe!

Atta boy.

Now listen, I spoke to your principal

this morning,

but I'm going to give you a note

for your teachers,

just in case she forgets to talk to 'em.

-Wait a minute!

-What?

If you were to move

the letters in your name,

They'd spell "Flody."

Floyd... Flody.

Flody, Flody, Flody.

Keep hackin' away, son.

What's up... ah!

There he is, my little man. How ya doin'?

Did you sleep well?

Feelin' any smarter today?

Uh... I don't know.

Well, you know, T.J.,

I was lookin' over our World w*r II notes.

Now, exactly what countries

were in that again?

Um...

The cowboys and the broncos?

Cowboys and the broncos. So cute.

You gotta get smart again, man!

You gotta! Okay?

Our report's due at the end of this week.

Marcus, can I talk to you

in the other room?

Marcus, you got to accept

that some things have changed around here.

I know. It couldn't have happened

at a worse time.

Yeah, I know. A more considerate

little brother

would have got hit over the head

during summer break.

That's not what I meant--

Well, yeah, I guess it was. Sorry.

I need you to stop thinking about yourself

and start thinking about T.J.

You got to be his older brother now.

I really need you to take care of him.

Now, you think you can do that?

Yeah, I guess I could do it.

So, I hear T.J.'s not

totally in the house, huh?

It's just for a little while.

You know there's a technique

for gettin' his brains back?

There is?

Yeah. See, gettin' hit

in the head caused it,

so, hit him in the head again.

That's your big technique?

Worked on Green Acres .

Worked on Good Times .

-No, thanks!

-It worked on Melrose Place.

All I gotta do is take my shoe off

and smack him one good.

I don't think so.

[bell rings]

Hey, man, I'm offerin'

to hit him in the head.

Alright, everyone,

let's remember that T.J. has had just

a little bit of a setback.

He's, um, how shall I say this, T.J.?

Well, I just got hit in the, uh... uh...

-Head?

-Yup.

So, I'm not exactly my uh... uh...

Self.

Yeah, but the doctor said I'll be just...

Fine?

Hey, who's tellin' this story?

Man, your brother is dumb and funny.

He dumb-funny.

So, since T.J. Isn't quite up to speed,

it means class participation

will be left up to...

the rest of you.

Alright, who can tell me

which naval base

the Japanese bombed in ?

The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor,

December , .

A day which will live in infamy.

-Thank you, Clark.

- You see,

the Americans were expecting sabotage--

Thank you, Clark!

[razz]

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Hello. Teacher in the class.

So, after the Japanese

bombed Pearl Harbor,

the U.S. m*llitary began experimenting

with atomic energy.

Who can tell me what that culminated in?

It culminated in big,

old radioactive monsters.

Mothra!

-Gammera!

-Godzilla!

Well, obviously, Clark is the only one

who takes this subject seriously.

So, to focus your attention,

I'm making your reports worth %

of your midterm grade.

Nice goin', Clark.

Great. Now the report's worth more.

And with T.J.'s brain in the shop,

we'll have to do it ourselves.

Excuse me, Ms. Rawlings. Yes, Morris.

-Yes, Morris.

-May I be excused from this assignment?

-No, Morris.

-Fair enough.

I'm gonna hit him in the head.

-What?

-I'm gonna go hit...

Hey, Clark.

I need to talk to you about some problems

I'm having.

What, you want tutoring?

No.

So, Dog Burger? It's Chili Friday.

Oh, no, no, no. We got too much work to do

on this World w*r II thing.

Oh, come on, Marcus.

We could share a chili bucket.

Please? It'll be fun.

You never take me there.

Sure. Why not?

Yay!

See ya, Clark.

Hey, Marcus.

Yeah, T.J.?

Are you mad that you have to do

all the studying now for our report?

Nah. Dad told me to study anyway

and now that he sees me doing it,

he'll just have to buy me a better

Christmas present.

Hey, yeah.

Besides, it'll be kind of cool

seeing Ms. Rawlings' face

when she finds out I'm the one who knows

all about World w*r II.

Yeah. She'll never expect that.

Hey, Marcus.

Yeah, T.J.?

Am I gonna be okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, you'll be smart again, man.

And, look, even if you stay dumb,

I'd still look out for you.

I mean, I am stuck with

being your big brother and all.

Yeah. Good night, Marcus.

Good night, T.J.

Hey, T.J.?

Yeah, Marcus?

Look, if Mo comes at you with a shoe

or a sock full of sand or

something, just run, okay?

Okay.

Now watch closely, class.

As I turn left to a right triangle.

[laughing]

Very well, then.

Who can tell me the Pythagorean Theorem?

"a" squared plus "b" squared

equals "c" squared.

What?

Uh, nothing. I burped.

You got h-o-r-s. You're out.

Uh, T.J., "horse" has a "e" on the end.

Since when?

I don't know. The fifties.

Hey, guys.

[all] Flody.

Hey, aren't you supposed to be studying?

Oh, I've been studying.

So far, I know who the allies were,

who the axis was

and that Harry Truman was a haberdasher.

I just don't know

what a haberdasher is... yet.

It's a measurement of bacon.

You're thinking of a rasher.

Why would Harry Truman

be a measurement of bacon?

Why am I even talking to you?

So, how's T.J. doing?

Well, he's neglecting his studies

and spending all his time

playing basketball, so...

Sort of like a normal -year-old.

It's weird.

It's like the world's turned upside down.

Marcus' school books are spread out

all over the place

and T.J.'s reading

The Adventures of Jughead.

"All the matter in a collapsing star

will be compressed into

a region of zero volume,

so the density of matter

and the curvature of space-time

become infinite."

That must be Betty. She's the smart one.

Actually, it's the Journal

of Quantum Mechanics.

T.J.'s brain is back.

I think it's time for me to have

a one-on-one conversation with jughead.

Oh, T.J., can I have a word with you?

Okey-dokey, doggy daddy.

So...

Feeling any smarter yet?

No. Dumber, I think.

But you're having a good time hanging out

with the guys, though, aren't you?

Yeah. Today me, Marcus and Mo

found an old newspaper

and kicked it all the way home.

Whoo.

That's gotta be a lot more fun

than reading it like you used to.

But you're still reading.

You're reading Jughead.

Yep, yep. Jughead.

And isn't that great, you know,

when Jughead sits down in the super glue

and gets the chair stuck to his butt?

Yeah, that super glue is real sticky.

And then he has to take off his pants

and wear Veronica's dress.

Oh, yeah. The dress. That was good.

And the funniest part is...

none of that's in here.

I-it's not?

No.

But here's what is.

When did you get your intelligence back?

Yesterday during Geometry.

Well, it could have been during Phys Ed,

but how would you know?

Well, why didn't you tell me, T.J.?

I've been worried about you.

I'm sorry, Dad.

It's just... things have kind of been

nice and easy lately.

No one's been hassling me.

You don't stick out when you're dumb.

But is it worth hiding your intelligence,

so you can kick a newspaper with the guys?

Everybody seems to like me better.

Marcus likes me better.

And you think if you're smart again,

he won't like you as much?

Based on ten years of experience, yeah.

T.J...

I know there's a lot of pressure

that goes along with being exceptional,

but there's a lot of opportunities too.

And geniuses like you can do great things.

You can help people.

Maybe someday you'll even help Marcus.

So are you gonna tell him?

No.

You're not?

Nah. They're your brains.

You're smart enough

to use them if you want to.

Thanks, Dad.

By the way, you should write for Jughead.

That thing about the super glue

in the chair...

-Mmm-mm

-Out-of-the-park funny.

...proving that a small group

of highly trained fighting men

can turn the tide of a desperate battle.

I thank you.

Alright.

Well, that concludes

What if the X-men had been at Iwo Jima?

I'm sure the Japanese infantry

would have had their hands full

with that Mr. Wolverine.

He rocks!

Great. Up next, we have

Marcus and T.J. Henderson and Morris Tibbs

With "the dubba-dubba-w II."

T.J., T.J.

Over here, man.

D-ooh!

You have five minutes.

I'm sure this will be interesting. Go.

Okay. World w*r II...

Uh...

Uh...

[thinking] I'm blankin' here.

I know this stuff. I studied forever.

[thinking] Marcus is panicking.

I could help him, but then

everybody will know I'm smart again.

[thinking] ♪ Boom ♪

♪ Ba-boom, boom boom boom ♪

♪ Ba-boom boom boom boom boom♪

♪ Ba-boom, ahh♪

Well, uh, first of all,

there was that guy.

Who was that guy?

Well, you all know who I'm thinking of.

He was that guy.

Maybe we should dispense

with the remaining four painful minutes

and skip right to the D-minus.

Germany made a big mistake

abandoning the Non-aggression Pact

with Russia.

Right, Marcus?

T.J.?

Right, Marcus?

Right, right, right, 'cause...

See, it hacked off Stalin,

so he had to open his second front

against Germany.

Which meant the U.S. and Britain

could combine their forces

for an invasion of Europe.

This invasion was called

Operation Overlord

and it took place June , .

Hey, Marcus.

Yeah?

Are you mad at me?

Yeah, I'm mad at you.

You played dumb for two whole days

and I had to work on that report

by myself.

You got an "A."

But it was hard.

But you challenged yourself.

You used your mind and it paid off.

But it was hard.

I knew it.

Now that I'm smart again,

you're annoyed at me.

You don't annoy me because you're smart.

Really?

Man, you annoy me because you're ten,

you're my little brother

and because you know too much

for your own good.

I knew it. You liked me better dumb.

[sighs]

It's not that I liked you better.

It's just that I liked being the smarter

older brother for once.

Yeah. I liked it too.

You could keep doing it if you want.

Nah. It's not the same.

Nah, it isn't.

But I'll tell you what, though.

Anybody hassles you about being smart,

I'll pound on 'em for you.

Okay.

Alright.

And from now on,

I'll try not to get more

than % on tests,

so you won't get stuck with more homework.

Whew. Okay.

Hey, guys. What are you doing?

I'm reading the encyclopedia.

And I'm not.

Good night, guys.

[both] Night, Flody.

Jughead...

[keyboard clacking]

The chair still glued to his butt...

flees from a swarm of bees

in the shape of an arrow.

As he runs past Archie and Moose

dressed in hunting gear, Moose says...

[in base voice] "at least when he gets

tired of running, he can sit down."

Save.

[clapper]

I'm never working for this guy again.