02x12 - Men Working Badly

[bunniefuu]

Alright, class.

Now that you've been paired off,

These are the scenarios for each team.

Well, well, if it isn't the tardy boys.

I'm very sorry we're late, sir,

but my ride decided to take

a small detour.

It was an emergency.

Following Salt 'n Peppa's tour bus

for blocks is not an emergency.

I was just assigning our new exercise

in modern life management skills,

which will equip you with the tools

you'll need to survive

in the world outside these hallowed halls.

I told you we wasn't missing nothing.

Now, it's a little awkward, but

since you're the only two students left,

you'll have to be paired off.

I hope you don't mind.

Me and brainiac working together?

No, I don't mind.

Do you mind? I don't mind.

Good.

For the next two weeks, you will act

as husband and wife.

I mind.

This assignment isn't about intimacy.

It's about marriage.

Now, each of our couples will

balance a household budget,

raise a family, share responsibilities.

All I know is I'm not

going to be the wife.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

Uh-huh. It's your fault we're late.

Oops. Honeymoon's over. [chuckles]

You know, sometimes the simplest solution

is just to flip a coin.

Call it in the air, dear.

Heads, sweetie.

Yes! Tails! I win!

I'm the husband, and you're the wife.

I hope you're not expecting me

to pick that up,

'cause I am not your maid.

♪ Another slice of the life

Of Master T.J. Henderson ♪

♪ Super-intelligent,

A fine young gentleman ♪

♪ A -year-old whiz kid

Bustin' high school ♪

♪ A pugnacious little shorty

With a thousand I.Q. ♪

♪ He's got a way with the ladies ♪

♪ And he's keepin' it real ♪

♪ Your favorite little study buddy

He knows the deal ♪

♪ That he's still just a kid

On the ball, very clever ♪

♪ You can say that he's bright

Brainy, gifted, whatever ♪

♪ Your brother is smart ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

Okay. Our first assignment

is to make a budget for

our household necessities.

Fine. Make us up a budget.

Just make sure you put cable in there.

I want every ESPN they got.

ESPN is not a necessity.

It is if you don't want

your wife to throw you out the window.

Fine. I'll make up the budget,

but you have to go to the market

and price groceries.

Why do I have to do the shopping?

Why can't I be at work?

Because the assignment says

we're a single-income family.

Husband works.

Is that all you make?

Look, if I don't have a job of my own,

Then what am I supposed to do all day?

Watch the kids.

Kids? We got kids?

Rayshawn is in grade school,

and Jada is an infant.

That's a bag of flour.

Careful how you talk to our daughter.

Aw, that makes me an uncle!

That's it. I'm outta here.

Whoa. You're forgetting baby Jada.

The assignment says you have to feed her,

change her,

and stay up with her if she gets sick.

Don't you start that crying now, you hear?

So, why wasn't I invited to the wedding?

What, are you ashamed of your own brother?

There was no wedding,

and yes, I am ashamed of you.

Oh, good. You're both here.

Since, we all share a bathroom,

let me share this with you.

T.J., you're a genius, so you'll probably

get this on the first try.

Watch carefully.

Got it?

What's her problem?

Something about toilet paper.

I really couldn't follow it.

Isn't she going away this weekend?

I hope so.

[Yvette] Who used up my shampoo?

I did.

So what are you gonna be doing over

this long weekend?

Inventing some problems

for non-commutative algebra. And you?

Buying a hat.

I am sick of you using my stuff!

And I'm sick of having

to make my way through an obstacle course

of dirty clothes, shoes, and magazines

to get to my shower.

-Very sorry.

-Sorry.

Very sorry

-Are you sorry?

-About what?

Hey, where's my Car and Drivers magazine?

Oh, I left it in the bathroom.

Listen, you have to start learning

how to respect other people's stuff.

[T.J. humming]

[Yvette] T.J.!

[T.J.] Hey, I'm just picking up in here,

just like you asked.

Ha ha. See how I turned that on her?

T.J., your behind is mine!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Hey, hey, hey! Now let-- hey!

Aah!

Dad! She's gonna k*ll me!

I'm not gonna k*ll him. I'm just gonna

hurt him a little.

Grape juice. $ shirt.

You know what? I've had it with them.

I'm trying to get ready

for my leadership retreat,

And they are being rude,

inconsiderate, filthy pigs!

What's going on here?

Marcus was the one that used her shampoo.

You're the one that walked in on her.

Well, look. I know you aren't complaining

about the bathroom,

'cause I done told you all that I'm tired

of hearing about the bathroom.

Would it k*ll you to clean the tub?

Why don't you clean it?

You're the one sitting in there all day.

Just talking to myself here, aren't I?

Dad! Nobody in this house

respects me or my things.

See? That's my thing.

See what I'm talking about here?

Ow!

Hey, hey, no hitting here.

She's a madwoman. You gotta lock her up.

Hey, you guys have got

to be more considerate of your sister.

Hah! If you ask me,

I think what we have here

is a case of the monthly

hormonal overreacts.

Go ahead. Hit him.

Oh, forget it.

You know, I find it ironic

that on a weekend that I'm being honored

for my achievement

in leadership and spunk,

I am the subject of scorn and indignity

in my own house.

I'm getting on that bus

in an hour, and I may never come back!

Alright!

All these years of hard work

have finally paid off.

Kitchen, now.

Come on, Pops. Yvette doesn't get treated

any differently

than anyone else in this house.

That's exactly the problem.

Yvette's not one of the boys.

Now, she's a young woman,

and she needs her privacy.

So you guys are gonna have to change

your behavior

and start being more considerate.

Never gonna work.

Yeah. We're guys.

Yeah. I suggest we get her a nice gift.

How about some candy?

Almond roca? That's my favorite.

Buying your sister some candy

and then eating it,

is not going to appease her.

Now, you guys are gonna

have to be more considerate.

Hey, we try, but it's three people

in one bathroom.

Yeah, and there's only one

in your bathroom.

In math, we call that

a disproportionate ratio.

Well, in Floyd's house, we call that

the way it's gonna stay.

Look, Pop, it'd just be easier

if you just built me a new bathroom.

You? Why you? I'm the one who never

gets any hot water.

That actually might work.

I mean, that storage room up there,

we could open it up into an attic space.

Wait a minute and it's right above

the kitchen,

so running the pipes up there

would be pretty simple.

-It'll increase the value of the house.

-Alright!

But it's not for you or for you.

This is where I'll be,

this is the phone numbers.

I'll be back in five days, maybe.

Hold on, honey.

Come on, you guys.

We got something we wanted to tell you.

Look, we're real sorry

about what happened.

Right, guys?

And we think the best solution

would be to build you your own bathroom.

In this house?

Yeah. You know that closet right upstairs,

we can open it up into

a whole new bathroom.

That is such a great idea.

Thank you!

Wow!

-My own bathroom.

-[car horn honks]

Alright, well, in that case,

I'll be back.

See you later, everybody.

[all sigh]

Alright, we'll get started on that new

bathroom tomorrow.

We?

Yeah. This bathroom's gonna be built

by Henderson and sons.

What, you got some other sons that we

don't know about?

Hey, look. You got a long weekend

just like she does.

But, Pop, I got plans!

He's gonna buy a hat.

It'd better be a hard hat.

Uh, can I help?

Well, of course you can.

But I mean really help?

I don't want to get stuck figuring out

load and displacement figures.

I want a hammer. Do I get the hammer?

Yes. You can hammer.

Alright! Let's go bust a wall!

Ohh!

Here's the calculations

on how much the floor under the shower

needs to be reinforced.

Anything else? 'cause I got my hammer.

No. Not right now.

Marcus, you need any nails pounded?

No. I got this covered.

That's it!

You promised me I could hammer,

and I haven't hammered once in two days.

Now, I'd better see some nails

pretty soon, or I'm going after toes.

This board needs to be hammered right now.

Can you help me?

I'd be happy to.

Ooh!

T.J., you busy?

As per our assignment,

I went to the market and did the shopping.

I was able to save us a few dollars

by buying store brands.

I figured the more money we save,

the better grade we get.

Mm-hmm. "Diapers, paper towels." good.

"Cat food"?

We do not have a cat.

It has half off.

Besides, I think the kid

should have a pet.

I think that's a decision

we should've made together.

Well, one of us wasn't there

to consult with.

Where are the kids? Where's baby Jada?

In the car.

In the car!

What sort of a mother are you?

I left the window cracked.

It's freezing out there.

She's got a coat on.

I'm tired of you second-guessing me

all the time.

Should we leave?

Dad, I can handle this.

Can we talk about this later?

I'm trying to build a bathroom here.

And I am trying to manage a household

with two kids on a limited budget.

What, is that not important?

I never said that!

That's what you meant.

You are not the same person I started

this assignment with.

I gotta go to Gymboree.

Ohh!

I like this color.

It's vibrant.

Yeah.

In fact, we put on the hardware

and finish paintin',

and we got ourselves

a first-rate bathroom.

Yes!

[door opens and closes]

[Yvette] Hello! Anybody home?

We're up here, honey.

This is gonna be great.

I can't wait to see the look on her face.

Hah. She's gonna love it.

[whistling]

Hey, what's everybody doing up here?

You remember that bathroom

we promised you?

Yeah.

♪ Ta-da ♪

So what do you think? Pretty cool, huh?

You built it already.

Yeah. We wanted to surprise you.

♪ Ta-da ♪

So you haven't told us what you think.

What do you think?

It's nice, really nice.

It's great, isn't it?

Oh, yeah! Thank you all.

"Thank you all"?

After all the hard work we put into this,

that's it?

She said it was nice.

That means she likes it.

No, son. In Woman-speak, "nice"

means she hated it.

She hated it?

Where's my hammer?

T.J. Around?

Yeah. He's upstairs in the new bathroom.

Workin'. Why am I not surprised?

Mock married life not agreeing with you?

We just goin' through some things.

You alright?

I'm fine.

You don't sound fine.

[sighs] It's just they went ahead and

built me a bathroom while I was gone.

Without talking to you?

Yes!

When they told me about the bathroom,

I was so excited, right?

I told all my friends at the retreat.

We talked about tiles and wallpaper

and pedestal sinks.

I even drew up a little

floor plan for what it would look like.

Mmm. Claw-foot tubs. Those are nice.

Great for soaking.

I'll never know.

You want some tea?

Please. You have any honey?

Mm-hmm.

You know, I don't want

to sound ungrateful.

I mean, they went to so much trouble,

and I know their hearts

were in the right place.

It's just that their fixtures weren't.

[watch alarm beeps]

Men. You know, they do

what they want to do,

and then they expect you

to be happy about it.

I hear ya.

You know, I wanted to send our Jada

to a private school,

but T.J. says that we can't afford it.

Let one of them new--

Let one of them new PCs come out,

new little joysticks on it.

He'll be runnin' to stand in line

to spend all our little bit of money.

You know, for the first time, I really

feel like we understand each other.

-Really?

-Hmm

Would you like to get together

again tomorrow?

Aren't you married?

He does his thing. I do mine.

Well, I don't want to be a home wrecker.

You're a good girl.

When you see them, would you tell them

I went to study at Tammie's?

So "nice" means she hates it?

Yes, and "thank you all"

means "I couldn't be more disappointed."

What does she do when she really

likes something?

She cries.

I just don't get women.

You most certainly don't.

You built Yvette a bathroom,

without stopping to consider what

Yvette might have wanted.

Hey, she wanted a bathroom, so we gave

her a bathroom.

But not one that look like this.

That's a little drawing she made

of her dream bathroom,

The one she'll never see.

Oh, boy. We really blew it.

She wanted a tub instead of a shower,

a pedestal sink, a vanity.

All I wanted was a hat.

Life is full of disappointments.

But you know what?

It's not too late to fix this.

All we gotta do is roll up our sleeves

and get to work.

We've been working!

We already built her one bathroom.

Shh. Shh. Shh.

How would you k*ll Yvette?

-wheeler, right through her room.

Can I ride shotgun?

I hope I'm not interrupting

anything important.

Oh. Hi, Mo.

Huh. Surprised you remember my name.

You know what? This sound like some Ike

and Tina turner stuff.

I'm gonna get me something to drink.

Look, I know I haven't

been around much lately.

It's just this job's taking

a lot longer than we thought.

Is that any reason to dump all the work

on me?

Look, we've been puttin in tubs all day,

and I'm b*at.

I didn't even come here to argue, okay?

Being the mom was tough enough,

But now I gotta be the father, too?

This is not how I pictured this going.

Just hang on. It'll be over soon.

Whatever.

Look, I spoke to Mr. Militich.

About what?

He said that if we can't

work out our problems,

I could, uh, finish the assignment

as a single parent.

You're leaving me?

Oh, ho ho. Well, now

I've got your attention.

Look, can't we talk this out?

You have visitation rights!

I drew it up with this schedule

Along with my request for child support.

Peace!

He's not gettin' a dime.

I went to eight different paint stores,

and I finally found sunrise salmon.

Imagine my delight.

So did you guys install the tub?

Yeah, yeah, but I left

T.J. and Mo upstairs.

They're having some kind

of domestic situation.

Another one?

That's a shame.

I hate to think about that little

bag of flour growin' up without a daddy.

[creaking]

Did you hear something?

Like a creaking sound?

Probably just the pipes.

No, that's not the pipes.

It's the floor.

Did you reinforce the boards

under the tub?

Yeah. Days ago.

No, no, no. Not where the shower was,

where the tub is now.

Oh, that? No.

So the boards aren't reinforced?

Uh-uh.

[creaking louder]

Well, in that case... run!

Wow!

And don't bother chasing after me.

My mind's made up.

Are you okay?

Can I do it again?

Boy, that's a big ol' hole.

Well, we had a little mishap.

Yeah, with your stinkin' bath tub.

I don't have a bathtub!

You do now.

♪ Ta-da ♪

Why did you get me a tub?

'cause of your stinkin' drawing.

We took out the stinkin' shower

and put in a stinkin' tub,

but we forgot to reinforce

the stinkin' floor,

so it fell through,

and it's all your fault

because you said the bathroom was... nice.

Thanks for explaining that.

Look, Mo showed us your drawing,

so we went back and did your bathroom

the way you wanted it.

You did it again?

Yeah. We fixed it--

I mean, sort of.

You just don't get it.

No. What I don't get is

why we're doing so much work

for so little appreciation.

Fine! I appreciate it.

It's a dream come true.

Now I can wash my hair and baste a turkey

at the same time!

Yvette, don't keep walkin'

when I'm talkin' to you.

Now, your brothers and I

have worked very hard,

and I don't think

we deserve this attitude.

Look, I am very grateful that you built me

a bathroom, I really am.

I just wish I could have had

some say in it.

You did have some say in it.

We followed your plan to the letter.

But you did it without me.

You didn't include me in any of it.

You just went ahead and fixed the problem.

Yvette, I'm your father. That's my job.

It may be your job for T.J.,

and it's certainly your job for Marcus,

but I'm not a little girl anymore.

I'm , and I have thoughts and opinions

that need to be counted.

When did you get to be ?

I'll be in nine months.

I don't guess there's anything I can do

to talk you out of it.

Afraid not.

We're both gonna have to live with it.

I told the boys they were gonna have

to treat you differently,

because you're a girl.

And I guess I really wasn't ready

to treat you differently,

because you're a woman.

Well... it doesn't have

to be that different.

Just don't make decisions for me.

Make them with me.

Okay.

So where do you think

we ought to put that tub?

Upstairs.

Okay. Now, I painted this wall with

the new peachier salmon.

Did you do that wall over there?

No. That's still old pink salmon.

Can't you tell?

No, but Yvette can tell.

How do you like it, honey?

It's perfect.

I mean, once you paint

that wall over there.

Told ya.

It's everything I always wanted.

Thank you for putting up

with all these changes.

You're the greatest family

anybody could ever have.

I love you all.

[crying]

-That means she likes it, right?

-Right.

Well, we did do a great job.

You know, I was looking at Yvette's room.

She could probably use

a couple of shelves.

Maybe we can build them for her.

Yeah. That probably

wouldn't take too long.

We could surprise her!

That's the idea.

So what's the biggest problem

you've been having as a couple?

He's changed!

He's not the person he was

when we started out.

Well, when we started out,

I was dependent on you.

But when you abandoned

your responsibilities,

I found a strength in me

I did not know I had.

Look, I promise I can change.

He's just trying to save his grade

'cause we all know who's pullin' the "A"

in this marriage.

But how's it gonna look?

People expect me to excel.

I have an image to maintain.

You know what saddens me the most?

That through all this,

you've learned nothing.

You know, there is a singles group

that meets in the cafeteria on Tuesdays.

[clapper] I'm never working

for this guy again.