02x13 - Rooferman, Take One

[bunniefuu]

[soda can being opened on TV]

[man] Ahhh!

Man, this is a stupid commercial.

♪ Drink Colonel Bubbles ♪

♪ Drink Colonel Bubbles ♪

♪ Drink Colonel Bubbles ♪

♪ Drink it now ♪

Okay, Dad. My flyer's done.

What do you think?

Baby, my business has

been off for two quarters.

I don't think a cartoon of

a leprechaun is gonna help it.

But he's got his cap on backwards.

He's hip-hop.

That's a leprechaun?

It looks like a big toe with a pipe.

Well, excuse me for trying

to save our family.

Maybe Paddy McToe

will bring us some luck.

We sure could use it.

Sure you want to advertise

with flyers, Dad?

I think there are better options.

♪ Eat Amigo Corn Chips ♪

♪ Eat Amigo Corn Chips ♪

♪ Eat Amigo Corn Chips ♪

♪ Eat 'em now ♪

You'll notice the good folks

at Amigo Corn Chips

are not relying on flyers.

Well, obviously, television is a great

way to advertise,

but it costs a lot of money.

But what if we could get a good deal?

We won't. I'm putting out a flyer.

-But--

-No buts!

Now, I don't wanna hear any more about

television commercials.

We are not doing a commercial.

Hi, friends. I'm Kenny Bell,

ad manager here at TV- .

I understand you're interested in buying

some commercial time.

That's right.

Do you validate parking

even if we don't buy the commercial?

Uh... no.

♪ Another slice of the life

Of master T.J. Henderson ♪

♪ Super intelligent,

A fine young gentleman ♪

♪ A -year-old whiz kid

Bustin' high school ♪

♪ A pugnacious little shorty

With a thousand I.Q. ♪

♪ He's got a way with the ladies ♪

♪ And he's keepin' it real ♪

♪ Your favorite little study buddy

He knows the deal ♪

♪ That he's still just a kid

On the ball, very clever ♪

♪ You can say that he's bright

Brainy, gifted, whatever ♪

♪ Your brother is smart ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

This is our engineering room,

where your commercial will be beamed

to millions of people,

under the supervision of our

highly trained technical director, Buck.

You know how my dad always tells me

that if I just open my eyes,

one day I'll find a job

that's right for me?

I found it!

No way. It's mine.

Listen, man, I saw it first.

Okay, look, I'll take the nights,

you take the days,

Then we'll switch.

-Deal.

-Alright.

So, I'll just be dealing with you.

Oh, yeah.

Picture this, it's p.m.

You get your popcorn,

settle in with your loved ones for

your favorite programming.

By : , your commercial

will have aired three times.

Skip the dance and give me

your best price.

$ , .

$ , ?

Man, if you think we're paying that,

you're dreaming.

Actually, that's a good deal.

Cool. We'll take it.

Wow! Your business is up %

since we made that commercial.

You can afford a new truck.

That's what we would be saying

if you just said yes to this commercial.

T.J., I told you I cannot afford it.

But it's only $ , ,

And you can be in it.

And I can get all the equipment

to make it from school video class,

and I can edit it with my own computer,

and millions of people will see it.

I can be in it?

Holy cat, sis! El Niño's coming.

The newspaper says it's gonna rain a lot

this year, and our roof is in disrepair!

Nah! That El Niño is all media hype.

I'm sure we'll be warm and dry

all winter long.

[thunder]

Hey! What's that dripping?

Oh, no!

Our roof's leaking!

El Niño's here!

[Marcus] Sorry. Bucket slipped.

Oh, no! I'm soaked!

What will we do?

There's only one thing to do!

-Roofer-man, help us!

-Roofer-man, help us!

[Yvette] Hurry, Roofer-man!

Did somebody call for Roofer-man?

Here at Floyd Henderson Roofing,

we can fix your composition,

rock or tile roof,

both commercial and residential.

But can we afford it?

How's your credit, kids?

Not so good.

I have a judgment against me.

And I declared bankruptcy.

Not a problem at Floyd Henderson Roofing.

So, stand back while Roofer-man

fixes your roof

In the blink of an eye.

Now our kitchen's so warm and dry.

It's like being in the Bahamas.

Thanks, Roofer-man.

Roofer-man, your country needs you.

We're with the secret service.

The white house needs a new roof,

reasonably priced.

The white house?

I'll do that one for free.

That's a mighty good commercial you folks

have put together.

Colorful, creative, you did bring

a cashier's check, right?

Sure did. Now, this is gonna be on

three times Thursday night, right?

Between : and : ?

From : till : .

After that, I predict Roofer-man

will be so popular,

you could end up with your own Saturday

morning cartoon show.

Did you hear that?

My own Saturday morning cartoon show.

Dad, salesman.

You can be my sidekick... Shingle Boy.

Whoopee.

Yeah. The commercial can be on anytime

between : and : .

[woman] Eight o'clock okay.

So what do you think about

your little roofer now?

Are you eating right?

Are you eating junk food--

What do you mean, how am I eating?

I just told you I'm gonna be

on television. Who cares how I'm eating?

Two minutes till : !

Two minutes till : !

Okay. I wanna get a picture

of the entire cast

watching the commercial

for the first time.

Dad, can you get off the phone, please?

You try getting off the phone

with your grandmother.

Roofer-man! Your country needs you.

We're with the secret service.

How long you gonna wear those outfits?

Man, after this commercial,

we are gonna be so famous.

Yeah. We're going out later so girls

can hang all over us,

we can get the best tables at restaurants,

I can get all type of unnecessary

plastic surgery.

The media can hound us

in our private lives,

then we go on Larry King

to complain about it.

Now, Yvette, sweetness, why don't you take

a picture of me and Mo,

so we can start giving those out

to deli owners and dry cleaners.

"To Harry, the corned-beef king,

the knish was to die for-- Mo"

No. This is a carrot.

No, it don't make no noise.

It's a soft carrot. They're new.

Look, ma...

A couple of my business associates

just walked in, mom.

I gotta go. Yeah, I love you.

I love you, too. I do, I do. Bye.

Whew!

It's : ! It's : !

♪ Drink Colonel Bubble ♪

♪ Diet Colonel Bubble ♪

♪ Drink Colonel Bubble ♪

♪ Drink it now ♪

Okay, so it wasn't on the first half-hour.

It's early yet.

Okay, so it wasn't

on the second half-hour.

No problem.

: 's better.

It's when adults are watching.

What do kids know about roofs?

There's still two minutes.

Listen, we'll be the last thing people see

before those ER doctors

save the baby after it's att*cked by bees.

[announcer] We'll return to Cantinflas

in Guadala-ha-ha

on the night owl movie

after these important words.

Holy cats, sis! El Niño's coming.

The newspaper says it's

gonna rain a lot this year,

and our roof is in disrepair!

Find those kids.

It was hard enough selling ad time

for a telethon.

Sponsors wanna see the victims.

Mr. Bell, I need to talk to you.

Oh, hi, friends.

I'm a little busy just now.

We're doing this telethon

for short-attention span disorder,

and these cute little kids

keep wandering off.

You lied to us.

Hold on, now, T.J.

I'm sure Mr. Bell has an explanation

as to why our commercial was never on.

Oh, but it was on.

We showed it at : a.m.

During Guadala-ha-ha.

At : during Jim Nabors' Gospel Hour,

and at : during the encore presentation

of Guadala-ha-ha.

Nobody's up then.

At least nobody with a roof.

You specifically told me

it was gonna be on between : and : .

Now, : a.m. Is not between

: and : .

Now, I paid for : and : .

I want : to : !

And that is what you got

p.m. till a.m.

Come again?

Page five, rd paragraph, line -a.

Let's see, now...

"Spots will be on at

broadcaster's discretion

three times between the hours

of p.m. And a.m."

But you made it sound like we were gonna

be on during prime time.

You misled us.

Yes, he did, T.J.,

but we signed the contract.

I'm very sorry if there was

a misunderstanding.

Tell you what. Here, have a WDCS

super bowl pen.

WDCS is the home of the super bowl.

Be sure to watch the game Sunday.

I'm sure it'll be a close one.

Dad, this is not fair!

We gotta do something.

Sue 'em! Sue 'em for everything

they're worth.

T.J., if we hire a lawyer, it's gonna cost

us more than the whole commercial did.

I'll go to law school.

Just give me a month.

Appreciate it, but I really don't

want you to be a lawyer.

Take an extra month. Be a doctor.

We can't let him get away with this.

Believe me, T.J., I'm the last one

that wants to let him get away with this.

But I've learned you've got to pick

your battles.

Pick this one! Pick this one!

I signed the contract.

Now, if we fight this thing,

we're gonna lose.

The smart thing to do right now is

just to cut our losses.

But then our commercial will never be on,

when it can help your business.

Then it just doesn't get on.

Oh, it's getting on.

Hey, could you keep it down?

We're back on the air.

Excuse me, but my client

is here to perform for the telethon.

Oh, uh, what is your act?

You mean to tell me you don't recognize

Mo and professor Monocle?

Oh, professor Monocle?

What do you want, dummy?

Hey, who you calling dummy, dummy?

Well, if I'm the dummy,

How come you carried the trunk up

four flights of stairs?

Ha ha! Aren't they great?

They stink.

I think we can sandwich you,

in between the cheerleaders and

the female contortionist.

Hey, man, you hear that?

We're in a cheerleader sandwich!

Sis boom ba, baby.

Guys! Guys!

We dragged me here in a trunk because...

Oh, yeah. Business before pleasure.

Come on.

Okay. Do your stuff.

We'll keep the cheerleaders busy.

Okay.

What's that you say?

Free pastry up the hall?

And there's baklava?

This is kind of like Toy Story, isn't it?

Aah!

Cute kid.

Whew.

Access main directory.

Commercial slots! Bingo.

"Roofer-man," take two.

Copy to ad list.

Do your thing, big baby!

Select time period.

Sunday, prime...

Where it should've been all along.

[sports caster] And there's the g*n,

ending the riveting first half

of the super bowl,

with new Orleans leading

Indianapolis to three.

Hey, come on, Yvette. They stopped

playing football.

They're about to show that commercial with

the dancing polar bears.

Oh, no! I want to see

the beer-drinking frogs.

I love the beer-drinking frogs.

It is my belief that when beer commercials

started using frogs

instead of girls in bikinis

is when America lost its way.

I hear in the new ad, the frogs morph

into supermodels.

Then our nation has

retained its greatness.

[T.J. On TV] Holy cats, sis!

El Niño's coming.

The newspaper says it's gonna rain

a lot this year.

That's you. That's me.

That's our commercial.

During the super bowl?

Oh, boy.

Shh. I'm trying to hear me.

Yo. What'd you do?

I didn't mean for it to come on now.

I just programmed it for Sunday prime.

-This is prime, alright.

-[Yvette on TV] Hey, what's that dripping?

[laughing]

Whoo-hoo-hoo- hoo-hoo-hoo!

During the super bowl.

There's gotta be ten million people

watching this.

You didn't buy us a $ , ad,

did you, son?

Buy? No.

Some dummy down at the station

Must have put in the wrong commercial.

That sounds about right.

Now, you see that, T.J.?

We didn't have to fight that battle.

A lot of times, if you do something

bad like they did,

you pay for it in the end.

Oh. I hope not.

Yeah, a condo complex is a pretty big job,

but I think I can pencil you in...

By the first of the month.

Great. Great. I'll get

the contracts out to you in the mail.

Oh, sure.

Did anyone call for Roofer-man?

Absolutely.

You take care, now. Bye-bye.

I am the man in demand.

T.J., this T.V. commercial

was the best idea you ever had.

Yeah, but it's over now, and everybody

can just get on with their lives.

Guys, come here quick!

Roofer-man's gonna be on the news!

-Whoo!

-Or not.

[newscaster] And Washington, D.C.

has a new hero.

His name is Roofer-man.

That's me.

By now, everyone knows

the Chesapeake area affiliate WDCS,

mistakenly aired

an inexpensive local commercial

during yesterday's super bowl.

While viewers enjoyed

the roofing contractor with superpowers,

WDCS officials were

considerably less amused.

I'll bet they were.

WDCS has launched a full investigation.

We will get to the bottom of this.

Whoo! Somebody in trouble!

-Hey, Teej.

-What!

Man. Been jumpy all day.

Gee, I wonder why.

Listen, man, no one's gonna find out

you're the one that

snuck the commercial in.

Shh! Jeez, somebody'll hear you.

Nobody knows. No one saw you, okay?

Look, there's no fingerprints,

'cause you were wearing those little white

dummy gloves, right?

Yeah.

Maybe you're right.

Say that again.

Marcus is right?

Marcus is right.

Yeah. You keep saying that,

'cause it's true

And I like the way that sounds.

Marcus is right.

Marcus is right. They can't find me.

[siren wailing]

Nah.

Marcus is right.

Marcus is right.

[Man] You there, freeze!

Marcus is wrong! Aah!

Uhh!

Aah!

How'd you know it was me?

We're the media, son.

We know everything.

You cost the station

hundreds of thousands of dollars.

You broke the law. You're going to jail.

Jail! For how long?

For the rest of your life.

No!

-Aah!

-Aah!

[yelling]

I can't take it, Dad!

It was me!

I snuck into the TV station

and downloaded our commercial into

the engineering system,

so that they'd play it again.

But they ran it during the super bowl.

I didn't mean for it to happen like this.

I just wanted to get even with them.

But now they're gonna

hunt me down like a rat.

I can't live like this, do you hear me?

I can't live like this!

First of all, can you shift your weight

just a little bit?

Ohh. Thanks.

I didn't mean for it to happen like this.

I'm sure you didn't,

but how'd you get into the engineering

room in the first place?

I posed as Mo's ventriloquist dummy.

I'm sorry I asked that.

But look, T.J., what were you thinking?

I just wanted to save your business.

I'm sorry.

Well...

You know what we gotta do.

Send them a muffin basket?

Go down to the station

and tell them the truth.

Oh, no, not the truth. I hate the truth.

It's the only way out, son.

But I told you. Isn't that enough?

I think it's more than enough.

I mean, that took a lot of guts,

and I got it all off my chest now,

And I feel a lot better

about it now. Whew.

Okay, let's go.

What do you think they're gonna do to me?

Don't worry. I'm here.

So you're the ones who cost this station

hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Actually, it was only me.

My dad's business was going kind of slow,

so I thought a T.V. ad would help.

So, Mr. Bell said we can put on

a commercial From : to : ,

but he made it sound like the good

: to : ,

not middle-of-the-night : to : ...

-[Bell] Mm-hmm.

-so nobody saw our commercial,

and I just wanted people to see it.

But I didn't mean for it to be on

during the super bowl.

So, you took matters into your own hands

and made the station a laughing stock

and gave me all these headaches?

It kind of looks that way.

Okay, you're free to go.

-What? Free?

-To go?

You're not gonna prosecute them?

Well, let's see. How would the story play

on our : news?

In local news, a major network affiliate

is prosecuting the world's

cutest living -year-old,

for trying to save

his daddy's small business.

Well, it depends on how you spin it.

Fine. Let's see how it spins.

Uh, young man, what is your name?

T.J.

T.J., can you look sad for me?

Now, can you smile? Big smile.

And you want me to put him on television,

alongside someone like you?

I did not get my job by being an idiot,

you know.

-But this--

-No buts.

T.J., you learn your lesson?

Good. Whatever you did, don't do it again.

-I won't.

-I don't believe this.

Oh, you don't have to.

Just go back to your office

and stay out of my way, you skunkwipe.

Look, I know that you know

that we can't pay you back

for that commercial.

But in our house, whenever one of

the kids messes up,

he gotta make it up by doing chores.

That might be raking the leaves

or taking out the trash.

Now, I don't know what he can do

around here, but--

With a face like that,

I think we can find something.

Coming up next right here on channel ,

join the g*ng at Mel's diner

as they dish up the laughs on Alice.

Good. Now let's do the next one.

Gomer Pyle's being transferred

to Wednesday nights.

[imitating Pyle] go-o-o-olly.

Followed at : by Tony Brown's Journal.

-Can I go now?

-Nope. more,

And then we do the public service

announcements.

And save up some strength,

'cause you got dishes to wash

when you get home.

This is a test.

For the next seconds,

this station will conduct a test

for the emergency broadcast system.

This is only a test.

[imitating high-pitched whine]

-[gasps air in]

-[imitating high-pitched whine]

[gasps air in]

This station will conduct a test

for the emergency broadcast system.

This is only a test.

[imitating high-pitched whine]

-[gasps air in]

-[imitating high-pitched whine]

-[gasps air in]

-[imitating high-pitched whine]

[clapper] I'm never working

for this guy again.