03x09 - Get a Job

[bunniefuu]

Alright, settle down, gentlemen...

and big sue.

Welcome to wood shop.

Young man, you're late.

Oh, sorry, sir. I got lost.

I never knew there was a floor

below the basement.

I requested it.

Don't want to be up there

with those sissy intellectuals.

Yeah. If you don't watch 'em,

they take perfectly good trees

and turn them into books.

Ha. I like you. Have a seat.

Get over there.

I'll go get the tools.

Man, I didn't know you was taking

wood shop.

Neither did I.

I was taking introduction to

computational physics as my elective,

but the only guy who can teach it

moved back to Uzbekistan.

So, uh... this was your second choice?

This was my third choice.

My second choice was crashing

in the Andes.

Lucky for you there was room

in this class.

Yeah.

I suppose I should look

on the positive side.

I mean, I have a very heavy

course load as it is,

and I can use a no-brainer.

Make a shelf, get an easy "a."

Look, it's not that simple.

Wood shop can get pretty sophisticated.

Class, this... is a saw.

Wow. This must be advanced wood shop.

♪ Every day's another lesson ♪

♪ And my head's in a whirl ♪

♪ If I make a wrong decision ♪

♪ It's not the end of the world ♪

♪ I will reach my destination ♪

♪ Make mistakes from a to z ♪

♪ With each mistake there's a new lesson ♪

♪ I can be anything you want to be ♪

-♪ Never experiencing a dumb phase

-Smart guy ♪

♪ He's ahead of the game at a young age ♪

♪ The intelligence of a grown man ♪

♪ Trapped inside of a young brain ♪

♪ He's a bit on the short side ♪

♪ But stands tall when you show the ball ♪

♪ That's why I'm hanging

With the smart guy ♪

♪ AKA Mr. know-it-all ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Hear ye, hear ye, good students of

the shire of Piedmont.

I, King Henry VIII, proclaim renaissance

week to commence on the new moon,

which be Monday, after gym.

A whole week of Mackey in tights?

My appetite's ruined.

Ooh, mine's not. I'll take 'em.

Hi, Yvette.

Oh, hello, Ramone.

How's it going?

Fine.

Okay, then.

Uh, I guess I'll see you around.

Brrr. It suddenly got cold up in here.

Yeah. What was that all about?

I thought you and Ramone were friends.

We were, until I found out that Ramone

had more than friendship on his mind.

Wait, wait. You can't stop there, girl.

Put that sandwich down.

Yeah. Is it baloney? 'cause I'll take it.

Anyway, last night I was swamped

with work at the newspaper office.

I was trying to finish the layout,

and Ramone offered to help.

And I asked him,

"which headline do you like better?"

And he said, "I like everything you do."

And I said, "what does that mean?"

And he said, "what I mean is,

well, it's just..."

and I said, "just what? You can tell me.

And that's when it happened.

That's when the janitor

walked in and said,

"what in blazes are you kids doing?"

He just jumped you?

It was completely out of the blue.

We were perfectly good friends,

until the next thing you know,

I've got his gum in my mouth.

What flavor?

It was such a typical guy move.

You know, they pretend to be our friends,

but all they really want

to do is get with us.

Uh-huh.

It's just impossible for a guy

to be friends with a girl.

They have no control over themselves.

Men are just dogs.

Hey, I can come back.

No, no, no. It's okay.

We were just having a philosophical

discussion.

Yeah, I could tell.

I'm Victor Miller, non-dog.

I'm interested in being a photographer

for the paper.

Journalism teacher said you're

the editor, right?

Here's some of my work.

Hmm. These are pretty decent.

Crisp, in focus, no thumb in front

of the lens.

You are way ahead of the guy we've got.

I even use a camera you don't

have to throw away.

Well, um... I'm gonna need

some pictures of the Renaissance club,

so let's see how you do there.

Oh, the Renaissance club.

Alright, cool, 'cause I was worried

you were gonna give me something

terrible, like the girls' swim team.

Okay, so I'm a dog.

But I'm an artistic dog.

Rizzo, razzo, frackin'...

Easy, son, easy. Don't fight the wood.

The wood started it.

-Good job, Henderson.

-Thanks.

Now for that arc cut,

you're gonna want to use this.

This little bitty old thing?

I want to use something with

a motor on it,

you know, like that big one

you keep in the equipment room.

Lucille?

Nobody handles Lucille but the big guy.

Mr. Petrasek?

Sweet mother of pearl, what is it now?

I think, I got some bad wood.

I broke my saw.

There's no bad wood, son.

You, however, are downright remedial.

Excuse me? I am not remedial.

I have a I.Q., and I can build a laser

and bore through this wood like that.

I just can't cut it.

You're right. You can't cut it. That's why

I'm giving you a student tutor.

A tutor?

-You need one if you don't want to fail.

-Fail?

-Mo.

-Mo?

At your service.

Why, he's Rembrandt with a router.

How's that napkin holder coming?

Well, I'm happy with the carving.

Lovely grapes.

-Thompson seedless?

-Yeah.

I'm just not too sure about

this here mechanism.

Oh, no. One napkin at a time.

Easy, son. It's Alright.

Geniuses...

Alright, now, I can give you

a sh*t that captures

the vibrant spirit of intellectual

rebirth that was the renaissance,

or I can give you a sh*t that says,

"this is so dumb".

Listen, I don't think that we should be

making fun of them.

Ooh, make sure you get a picture

of the guy in the goofy hat.

Which goofy hat?

Good point.

Why, what strange contraption is this?

Be it the work of the devil?

That's right. It has the power

to steal your very soul...

or worse--make you look fat in that skirt.

I look fat in this? I look fat in this?

I wonder if Gordon Parks

started out this way.

You know about Gordon Parks?

Yeah. He's what got me

started into photography.

Oh! You know that there's an exhibit

of his work at the Corcoran gallery?

Oh! Yeah. That's why I got two passes.

Hey, look, why don't you go with me?

Oh, wow.

Here's the thing.

Um, if you're looking for a date,

I have to tell you that that's not

what I'm looking for.

Although you're a very nice guy,

I just don't think of you that way.

Man, that was really direct and up front,

and if I was remotely interested in you,

I'd have been crushed,

but I'm just lookin' for someone

to split the cab fare.

Oh.

Well, in that case,

I would love to come along if that's okay.

No. The moment's passed.

Excuse me? Hi. Hi.

Hey, is someone gonna take our photo,

because my tights are beginning

to ride up,

and Henry IX is getting

a little constricted.

Oh, yeah.

Now, as your mentor and tutor--

I really don't need a tutor.

Okay, you're gonna have to admit

you have a problem.

I don't have a problem.

Tut-tut. Admit you need help.

Just show me how to do it, and I'll do it.

-Admit it. That's the first step.

-I don't have to.

-Admit it.

-No.

-Admit it, admit it!

-Okay, okay, I need help.

Good. Now, I want you to call me Sensei.

Um... let me hold it for you.

Thanks.

Ooh!

Are you okay?

Come on, Mo, just give me one more chance.

There's not much more I can do here.

But we're not done yet.

I have to have this finished by Friday,

or I'm gonna get a bad grade.

Then that's what you're gonna get.

It happens to everybody.

No, it doesn't.

Not to me. I have a grade point

average to maintain.

I can't let some stupid wood shop

class drag me down.

I know I can do this. I know I can.

Just let me show you what I can do

with a nail g*n.

Nail g*n?

Hey, Yvette, hey, I want you

to take a look at these.

Are those the renaissance pictures?

No, no, no. These are more

artistic photographs,

the ones I'm putting in a portfolio

and sending to art school.

Oh, I'm flattered you value my opinion.

Now, be brutally honest, Alright?

Uh, but don't-- don't start with that one.

Now, that one I was going

for something in lighting--

why don't you go over there?

So what ya doin'?

Oh, I'm looking at some

of victor's pictures.

He wanted a friend's opinion.

-Oh, you two are friends?

-Yeah.

But I thought you said it was impossible

for a guy to be just friends with a girl.

How 'bout that, miss all-guys-are-dogs?

Well, in Victor's case I was wrong.

He's different.

Oh, my god, he's gay.

He is not gay. He's just mature.

Hey, what's up with them?

They hate the pictures?

No. They think you're gay.

Long as they didn't hate the pictures.

Well, how can they? They're incredible.

They are? They are, they are.

Now, tell me which one's your favorite.

Tell me why... and talk slow.

Okay. Well, I really like this one

and this one...

oh... and this one.

Uh, isn't that Bianca Price?

Yeah. She's photogenic, isn't she?

Well, apparently so, because here

she is again... and again... and again.

She's like Oprah. She's everywhere.

I'm thinking about askin' her out.

Oh, so you like her.

Definitely. You think she's right for me?

Sure, if you like girls

with really long necks.

Doesn't look that long to me.

Oh, come on. She's a giraffe.

But, you know, face it,

she has a tendency to be a little...

-What, what?

-Catty.

But, you know, that's probably just me.

Forget I said anything.

It shouldn't stop you from going

out with her if you want to.

Oh, it won't.

Oh, good. Good for both of you.

Rizzo, razzo, frackin'...

Tough day at the office?

Don't mock me.

My entire future is at stake here.

This stupid class is going to mar an

otherwise perfect record,

and you have to have a perfect record

to get into the top schools,

if you don't get into a top university,

you can kiss grad school good-bye,

so why don't you just slap a big red nose

on me and send me off to clown college?

Okay, now, I'm gonna have to make you

breathe in a paper bag in a minute.

I'm gonna fail.

Not even Mo could help me.

You're just getting started off, hear?

sh**t, my first day on the job,

I almost k*lled my foreman with

a reciprocating saw.

Oh, that's right.

You're a contractor.

You know this stuff... better than Mo.

Thank you.

As a matter of fact, I probably should've

come to you in the first place.

Heh heh. Well, any questions you have,

I'll be happy to answer them.

In fact... I'm having trouble

getting the saw started.

It always seems to jump.

-Maybe you could help me.

-Sure.

Look, your first cut you make by drawing

back on the saw.

Ohh. And then what?

Well, then you go forward at about

a degree angle, like this.

Okay.

But when I get to the end of the board,

it always seems to cr*ck.

Oh well, now see, there's a trick to that.

Here, let me show you.

Hey, you guys seen Victor?

Oh, he's outside eating with Bianca.

-Oh.

-It is so cute. He feeds her...

-She feeds him...

-She has this little milk mustache.

He dabs it off.

Can we talk about something else?

-Ohh...

-Ohh...

Ohh... what?

Somebody's feelin' Victor.

I am not.

I just don't think that those two

are right for each other.

I think that victor can do better

than some giraffe-neck freak.

Oh, my god.

I am feeling victor.

Wow. That's smooth.

There's hardly a mark on this wood.

But that nail, that's not comin' out.

Well, I've had a lot of experience.

You want to try the next one?

Oh. Okay, but...

you've got to promise not to laugh.

Look, I'm not gonna laugh.

Okay. Here goes.

Um, you can hit that a little harder.

But you said to tap it lightly.

Yeah, that's just to get it started.

Now you want to drive it home.

-Oh, okay.

-Whoa, whoa...

you're not trying to ring the bell

at the carnival.

Come on, tell you what, why don't you

let me finish this side?

Oh, okay... if you think it's best.

Hey, you know what would be great?

Why don't we put a porch over here

so that way, while one bird's eating,

the other one can hang out?

Great idea. Let's do it.

So how's the birdhouse coming?

Oh, it's slammin'.

[pounding]

Wait a minute. If you're in here,

then who's doing the slammin' out there?

♪ When John Henry was a little baby... ♪

Dad's really into it.

He's adding on a birdie porch.

Wow. Look at him go.

He's thrilled he can finally

help me in school,

and I'm thrilled because

I'm getting an "A,"

and the birds are thrilled

because they're getting a four-bedroom

Victorian with / bird baths.

♪ He said there lies

a steel-drivin' man, oh, lord ♪

♪ Yes, there lies-- ♪

Hey, ho ho. That is sweet.

T.J.'s definitely

gonna get an "A" on this.

Yeah. Lot of work went into this one.

Yeah. And it shows. And when you get done,

can you hook mine up, too?

What's wrong with the one you're making?

I mean, it's nothing like this one.

Don't you want me to get an "A," too?

Yeah, but I want you to earn

your "A" on your own.

Oh, oh. Like what T.J.'s doing.

By the way, where is he?

Oh, that's right. I forgot. He's not here.

Okay. So I helped him out a little.

A little?

It's got a doorbell!

Alright, well, I helped him a lot.

But he was panicked. He didn't know

what he was doing.

He's not good at this kind of stuff.

Why should he have to suffer

through it when he's got me here?

For the same reason you make me

suffer through my math homework

when I got T.J. Right there.

-Well, this is different.

-In what way?

I can't think of one.

I don't know what got into me.

Look, don't let it happen again, okay?

And clean this mess up. And no TV tonight.

Alright, which photo would you

go with for the front page?

I don't know. I like all your photos.

Well, let's try putting one in.

How's that look?

Looks good.

Okay. What about that one?

Real good.

Yvette?

Victor...

what the heck?

You again?

No. You don't understand.

This isn't what it looks like.

-I just--

-Jump 'em like a Randy she-goat.

Could we have a moment?

Son, you're not the first.

Uh, Yvette, what's going on?

It's--victor, you just--

you looked so cute,

and you're just such a great guy,

-I just thought maybe--

-I'm--I'm flattered.

Really. It's just, I thought it was clear.

I just don't have those feelings for you.

I'm sorry.

I thought you understood that.

Oh, yeah, sure. Of course.

Uh, listen, I should--

I probably better go.

Okay. Um, I'll finish up the, uh--

yeah. That's a good idea.

Hey, Dad, how's my birdhouse coming?

Aah!

What happened?

I couldn't let you turn that project in.

Why not?

'Cause it wasn't your work,

and it's not right to take credit

for something you didn't do.

It's okay. Nobody has to know.

Here, glue, hammer, make magic.

Believe me,

there's nothing I'd like better.

I haven't been able to help you out

with your homework since--

well, I never was able to help you

with your homework.

Well, so when you freaked out

and you couldn't handle it,

I just jumped at the chance to rescue you.

Which is a natural parental instinct.

Don't fight it.

Look, I won't be doing

you any favors, Teej.

You'd be doing the birds a favor.

I'm slapping together a death trap.

Son, you're gonna have to do this

on your own.

But, Dad, it'll be a disaster.

Yeah, probably.

But it'll be your very own disaster.

I mean, look, you have to realize you're

not gonna be great at everything you do.

Sometimes you just gotta do your best

and be happy with the result...

even if it's lousy.

But, we were having

such a good time together.

That's because you played me.

I keep forgetting that you're too smart

for your own good sometimes.

Good thing your brother was around

to point it out to me.

Marcus did that?

Yeah. He had some surprising insights.

Where you going?

To give him some hindsight.

-Hi, Victor.

-Hey, Yvette.

-How you doing?

-Uh, fine. Good.

Okay. I guess I'll see you around.

Yeah. See you around.

Hey, Ramone. Can I sit here?

Yeah, sure.

Do I have to leave?

No.

I'm really sorry for the way

I've been treating you lately.

Oh, hey, you don't have to be sorry.

I'm the one who messed everything up.

I shouldn't have jumped you

like that in the office.

-It just...

-Something kinda came over you?

Yeah.

I like you, but when I tried to tell you,

my brain shut down,

and my mind went blank.

Next thing I know, we're on the floor.

I didn't mean for it to happen that way.

It just happened.

I know all about that.

You've done that before, too?

Oh, no, not me.

My friend, she did that to a guy

she liked. She told me all about it.

It was Hannah. Hannah did it.

So, uh... you think maybe

we can start over again,

you know, just be friends?

Yeah.

I think we both deserve another chance.

Not bad. Not bad.

That's worth a "b."

I think any bird would be proud to

live in that house.

I made it that way. It's collapsible.

Yeah, and your "b" collapsed into a "c."

I can live with that.

[clapper]

I'm never working for this guy again.