03x22 - Never Too Young

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Mrs. Tudjman,

is that a Tommy Hilfiger hairnet?

'cause that is tight.

What you got for us today, Mrs. Tudjman?

A little cajun chicken, candied yams,

homemade biscuits with honey butter?

Fish portion, steamed cauliflower,

lima bean.

That's okay. 'Cause I know

at the end of the line

you got a little homemade peach

cobbler for a brother.

Bread pudding.

Come on! That's the same

bread pudding from Monday.

Prove it.

I poked my finger in that one, Monday.

See, that's my poke mark.

My finger fits right in there!

You touched, is yours.

It's four days old!

Fresh.

Do you understand the words

that are coming out of my mouth?

Look, Mrs. Tudjman, fresh bread

pudding is moist. It sticks to the wall.

Old bread pudding does this.

It stuck.

It did not! Look.

-She did it.

-She did it.

Yes, but she's in a union!

Three days suspension.

Come on, Mr. Militich.

My pops is gonna k*ll me.

He'll be so mad, he'll k*ll me, too.

I'll be collateral damage.

Mr. Militich...

Isn't there something else

you could do to us?

I suppose I could come up with

something more... creative.

Hello, ladies.

-♪ I know you're doing your thing

-Yeah ♪

♪ Go 'head, smart guy ♪

-♪ Diggin' it baby, yeah

-Yeah go 'head, smart guy ♪

-♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh

-Yeah. Come on ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Man, I smell like liver.

I hate to break it to you,

but you always smell like liver.

You know, liver's good for you.

Hey, Marcus!

Your night to set the table.

Oh, come on, pop. I've worked enough.

They got us prepping at a.m., serving

lunch, and cleaning pots after school.

Well, you nailed the vice principal

in a drive-by pudding incident.

What'd you expect?

I'm gonna lay down and

not get up for a week.

Man, I don't have

enough energy to lay down.

Then I guess you don't have enough energy

to go to Ryan's party tonight.

Shame. There was gonna be

a lot of good-looking girls there.

-I'm rested.

-Hey, got my second wind!

Hey, where's everybody going?

Ryan's party.

-That's tonight?

-Mm-hmm.

I better go change.

You better change into someone older.

This party is for mature adults only.

I can go if I want to. I'm in high school.

Yeah, in brain only.

But your body can't go to no parties.

You're not going even if they wanted you.

Why?

Because you're going

to Josh's birthday party tonight.

Oh, that's right.

But I won't know anybody there.

I haven't been to school

with those guys in three years.

But you already R.S.V.P'd to Josh's party.

Don't make me go to a kid party.

They're the same age as you,

and they want their party

to be just as cool as you do.

Come on. It won't be that bad.

Great. Bet I'll come home

with a Winnie the Pooh party bag.

It was going on all day yesterday.

Kelly wanted to hold hands with Hector,

so he hid in the bathroom

for like a half an hour.

What a pukehead.

You know, that's to be expected.

Developmentally speaking,

girls generally mature earlier than boys.

That's what I said. He's a pukehead.

I'm gonna go get some punch.

Everyone took a vote and decided

Jenny had to do it.

Jenny's the perfect one to do it.

-Well, Jenny finally got up enough nerve--

-Who's Jenny?

This girl in my class.

Ah. Go ahead.

-So, she finally goes to see Mr. Parsons--

-Who's Mr. Parsons?

Come on. You know Mr. Parsons.

Actually, I don't.

See, I don't go to your school.



Then why are you listening to this story?

I...

I don't know.

[sighs]

-Hi.

-Hi.

See Titanic?

Yeah.

Pretty great movie, huh?

Yeah.

You know the part

when he's at the bow of the ship--

the "King of the world" part?

Oh, yeah. That was pretty amazing.

It looked like so much fun.

The amazing part was,

they weren't on a ship.

They weren't?

No. See, they stood

in front of a blue screen

and projected a preproduced

re-imaged backdrop,

creating the illusion

they were on the doomed ocean liner.

It's called a "composite sh*t."

So, they weren't on the ship?

No, fascinating, huh?

Not really. It kinda ruins it.

So...

You hear about Hector?

He was dodging this dumb girl

named Kelly in the can.

I'm Kelly.

Aiee.

Hey, who's that?

T.J. Henderson.

Smart T.J.?

Hey, remember me? Kevin.

Kevin. From the slow-reading group?

Kevin! Hey, what's happening?

Hey, you're rich, right?

How you doing?

Man, you really disappeared.

He was too smart for our school.

So, I heard the army's got you making

poison bombs or something.

No. I heard they hooked his brain

up to a big computer or something.

Nah. I'm just in high school.

So, what's your favorite part

of high school?

Gym.

We got gym.

With high school girls?

Mmm.

Stretching... doing jumping jacks...

It's a beautiful thing.

[laughter]

Yeah, but we toe up things

in the fourth grade.

Remember when you took

Zander's peanut butter sandwich

and put that orange chemical in it,

and his mouth almost exploded?

It was tabasco sauce.

Yeah! Where'd you get that?

You know, I've missed you guys.

It's been great seeing you again, man.

Want something to drink?

Sure.

That's beer.

See? I told you he was smart.

We figured a high school guy like you

would want a beer on a Friday night.

Well... you know, I'm trying to cut down.

Don't want a six-pack

to ruin this six-pack,

you know what I'm sayin'?

Thanks, anyway.

Well, listen, we're gonna hang out

here and drink these, so I don't know.

Maybe you'd have more fun at the party.

I hear they got a piñata.

I bet they got juice boxes out there, too.

Nah. I don't think so.

Not much out there for me.

Party ain't happening, man.

There's only one way to get through it.

So, here's to... uh... uh...

-Beer.

-Yeah, beer.

Yeah... beer.

[rhythm & blues playing]

Oh, that's it right there! That's my jam!

Hey, Kel! Kelly-Kel!

Come on, don't leave me out

here lonely, baby.

Oh. Oh, I got it. You just don't want me

to embarrass you on the dance floor.

Don't sweat it. Just do

whatever you can do, baby.

Come on, yeah!

Watch out now.

You idiot!

I'm sorry.

Here, let me help you.

No. Just get away from me!

Hey, sleepyhead, you hungry?

[clangs spatula]

No. No breakfast for me.

Oh, that's good 'cause I'm making lunch.

What time Marcus pick you up

from the party last night?

I don't know. It was late.

Uh, do we have any alka-seltzer

or anything?

Hey, little man, you don't look so good.

What'd you do at that party last night?

Uh... uh... nothing.

-What--what do you mean?

-I mean, did you eat too much cake again?

Oh, yeah, with a lot

of red frosting on it,

and I washed it down with

a hot dog and nachos.

That's not the best combination

of food groups, son.

Why don't you go on back to bed?

I'll get you some ginger ale.

Yeah, and maybe some aspirin.

My head hurts, too.

Well, sounds like somebody

partied hearty, huh?

You see any franks?

No, I don't see any franks.

So this would be beans and no franks.

Mix.

What the heck is that?

"Taste o' idaho.

"reconstituted potato-flavored flakes.

Now with % real potato"?

Is this what we been eating?

Mix.

See, there's your problem right there.

The reason why kids don't like the food

is 'cause... it's not food!

Now, I'm just gonna throw

something out here.

Now, what if for the mashed potatoes--

call me crazy--

we were to use, um, real potatoes?

We have a chance to do something better.

We could turn things around,

get kids excited about having lunch again.

What do you say?

Peel.

Hey, sweetie.

Oh, you're here.

Um, dad, listen.

Jennifer Carter's mom just called.

She said she heard there

had been some drinking

at the party T.J. was at the other night.

She wants you to call her

if you've heard anything.

Drinking... drinking? At a kid party?

That's what she said.

Yvette, these kids are years old.

It's not unheard of, dad.

Hey, T.J.,

could you come in here a minute?

You want me to go upstairs?

No. No, I'm sure it's just a mix-up.

Yeah, dad?

The mom of one of your friends

just called.

She said there might have been some

drinking at that party the other night.

Really?

Did she say who?

No.

So, I want you to tell me--

did you see anybody drinking?

Um, b-beats me.

I had my hands full

with the piñata and the cake.

So, you didn't see anybody drinking?

No.

Okay. Thank you.

Probably just some kids talking,

trying to sound grown-up.

Maybe.

What?

-Well, it's just--

-Just what?

Well, T.J. slept later than

he usually sleeps,

and he woke up and said he felt terrible.

He had a stomachache.

He also had a headache.

-So?

-So. Like a hangover to me.

You heard me ask him, Yvette,

and he said he wasn't drinking.

That wasn't what you asked him.

Okay, I asked him if there was drinking.

He said no, which means

he wasn't drinking.

Okay.

Listen, T.J. has always

been honest with me,

and he's too smart to get

involved with that stuff.

Okay, I'm sorry. You're probably right.

No. I am definitely right.

And when I need your help,

I'll ask for it.

seconds to lunch, man.

Oh. Let me kick it up a notch.

Paprika, it's the wonder spice.

Look what I drew here.

Ah! It's the symbol for the artist

formerly known as Prince.

I'm making food fun.

[school bell rings]

Lunch bell. Start food.

Come on in, come on in.

Afternoon, Mackey.

Anything I can get for you,

like some delicious mashed potatoes?

That wallpaper paste?

Save it for arts and crafts.

No, no. See, these here

are different, okay?

Here, taste.

It's different.

Of course they're different.

They're real potatoes. With garlic!

I'm allergic to garlic.

Yeah, yeah. So, how's it taste?

Not bad, except now I have to get a sh*t.

Thanks.

It's not tomato soup.

It's marinara meatballs.

They was holding together

a lot better when we opened.

Let me pack one together for you.

It's the symbol for Prince.

It looks like you spit on it.

It just lost its consistency.

A lot of hard work and sweat went

into this food, man!

Maybe it's the sweat that's making it run.

Run! [chuckles] You better run.

What is wrong with these kids?

They don't appreciate nothing!

Bunch of ingrates!

[laughing]

Hi, T.J.

Oh. Hey, guys.

What are ya doing?

Just, uh... working on my race car.

Listen,

did you guys know some parents heard

that there was drinking at the party?

Yeah. My dad asked me, and I told him

T.J. the high school kid was doing it.

What?

I'm just messing with you.

I wouldn't tell.

Well, it's not funny, okay?

Not as funny as you were at the party.

"Hey, Kelly-Kel!"

Ha! You were great! [chuckles]

Look, I don't wanna get caught,

so don't even joke about it.

Man, you need to relax.

Peppermint schnapps.

Uh... no, thanks. I quit.

Come on. It tastes like candy.

No. I'm busy.

Take a break. Come on, one sh*t.

Hey, what's going on here?

[door opens]

I thought you were dad.

No.

He's just sending Rich home with his dad.

What do you think he's gonna do?

Man, I don't know.

I can't believe you was drinking,

man. That's...

That's bad.

Thank you. I didn't know that.

Okay, okay.

But anyway, man,

I just wanted to let you know that

whatever happens, man, I'm here for you.

Bye.

So, you got anything to say?

Dad, I was never gonna

drink that. I swear.

You mean, the way you swore to me

there was no drinking at Josh's party.

Let alone that you were

the one doing the drinking.

Or maybe you wanna swear

you weren't drinking at that party, too,

which I don't recommend

because your friends downstairs

already ratted you out on that one.

No.

I was drinking at the party.

But I wasn't gonna do it in the garage.

You lied to me, T.J.!

How do I know you're not lying now?

-I'm not lying!

-Your word don't mean nothing right now.

-But--

-No. I don't wanna hear it!

From now on, there's no friends,

there's no parties,

there's no phones, there's no nothing!

You are grounded forever.

So, what's good today?

Food.

What am I supposed to do with this?

Eat.

Um... these are yesterday's potatoes.

Prove it.

What are you looking for?

Nothing.

I'm not looking for anything.

Yeah, I can tell.

Do you remember where I put that pamphlet

on how to talk to your kids?

-The one about alcohol?

-Yeah.

You threw it out,

along with the old phone books.

You said you didn't need it,

that you had good kids,

and it wouldn't come up.

Well, it did.

You were right...

and I got mad at you for it,

and I'm sorry.

Apology accepted.

And, dad, don't worry about the pamphlet.

I know everything that's in there.

They hammer it into us at school.

I even know what the parents

are supposed to do.

And what is that?

The first thing they say

is don't overreact.

Okay, I'm for .

The punishment should be well thought out

and proportionate to the crime.

for .

And the best thing you can do is

talk it over with your kids,

be aware that the risks are there,

and don't think it can't happen

to your kid.

That's good morning, good afternoon,

and good night.

Boy, how blind could I be?

He was sick, he was hung over,

he was sitting right here, right in front

of my face, and I didn't wanna see it.

How'd I miss it?

Because you still think

he's your little boy

and he's always gonna tell you the truth.

What, so now that he's a teenager,

he's gonna start lying to me?

No. Now that he's a teenager,

he probably won't talk to you at all.

I blew it.

I really blew it.

Dad...

he's not selling his blood

for liquor money.

I think there's still time.

-Hey, T.J.

-Hi.

Can we talk?

Okay.

Now first off, I think

I overreacted a little last night.

You're not grounded forever.

Thanks.

I'm sorry I drank.

That makes two of us.

Now, what you did was wrong, T.J.

Why do you think you did it?

I don't know.

Did you feel like you had to to fit in?

Maybe. Kinda.

Why don't you tell me what happened?

And let's see if you can use

more than two words.

I was having a pretty lousy time

at the party.

Nobody wanted to talk to me.

Then I ran into Rich and Kevin,

who I at least knew.

We started having a good time...

but... then they were drinking,

and I figured if I was gonna

hang out with them...

I should drink, too.

Okay.

I hear you, and I understand

there can be a lot of pressure out there,

but drinking and especially at your age,

is not the way to deal with it.

I know that.

Do we have to keep talking about this?

Yes...

we do have to keep talking about this

'cause the problem is I haven't been

talking to you about this before.

Look, I'm not gonna do it again, okay?

Good,

but now we got a trust issue

to deal with, son.

Now, you're gonna make mistakes in life,

I know it and you know it,

but the worst thing you can do

is lie to me about it.

But when you asked me if I was drinking,

lying really seemed like the way to go.

Okay, I get that. But now let's do this,

the next time you're

in a situation like that,

ask yourself one question,

"is this something I'm gonna have to lie

to my father about?"

'cause if the answer is yes,

it's probably something you

shouldn't be doing, isn't it?

Now, does this sound like

a workable situation?

I guess I can try that.

Thank you.

Bye.

Now that the whiners

have been fed, we eat.

No, thanks. I'll pass.

I know what's in this stuff.

I helped make it.

We don't eat this slop.

We eat roast duck with plum sauce

potatoes, scalloped,

green beans almondine,

and jell-o.

Mrs. Tudjman, you been holding out on us.

I'm a bad girl.

This stuff looks so good,

I could kiss you.

That can be arranged. You are ?

No... but he is.

Hey.

[clapper]

I'm never workin' for this guy again.