13x13 - Abandon Twits/Wallhalla

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- End of another
-hour shift of misery.

- Ooh! Ahoy there!

And what do you two laddies
have planned for this weekend?

- I'm polishing Gary's shell.

[whirring]

- [groans]

[growls]

Well, I'm going
to a post-post-pre-modern

unconstructivist
dance performance.

[futuristic music]

- Uh, well, that's fascinating.

♪ ♪

Hey, instead of that malarkey,

what would you say
to a leisurely weekend

sailing trip
on me brand-new yacht?

Huh?
[chuckles]

The sun in your face. Huh?

- Ooh.

[laughs laboriously]

- The wind in your--

uh, head wrinkles.

- [sighs] Hmm.

Well, I wouldn't mind a nice,
relaxing ocean cruise.

- Great.

I'll see you at the dock

bright and early
tomorrow morning.

- [humming]
- [humming]

- [sighs]
Mm-hmm.

- Mr. Krabs, I'm all dressed up
and ready to...

snorkel.

- Wait a second.

- Uh, Mr. Krabs,
where's your ship?

- Something smells fishy.

- Don't get your mizzenmast
in a twist.

I got your ship right here.

[both grunt]

[chuckles]
Some assembly required.

- We have to build the ship?

- Yay!
We get to build the ship!

- Premade vessels
are for landlubbers.

Real sailors
build their own ships.

Now get to work, you two.

And as an old Navy man,

I'll be responsible
for the most difficult part.

- And that would be?

- Supervising.

[grunts]

[snoring]

- [grunts]

Old Navy man?

Ha! More like old, lazy man.

Hmm.

[sighs]
Oh, boy.

All right,
let's get this over with.

Now, where are
the instructions?

- I'll find them.
- [grunting

- Instructions, instructions...

How to assemble...
- [yelps]

- Got them!

Hmm, step one.

- [moans]

Give me that.

Hmm--huh?
[wind blows]

[groans]

[propeller whirs]

Now, what are we
supposed to do?

- Don't worry, Squidward,

I know exactly
how to handle this situation.

- Oh, really?

- We just need
to follow our hearts.

♪ La, la, la ♪

- Oh.

[quirky music]

[groans]
Hmm...

- Squidward,
I did the first piece.

- SpongeBob, you clam-head,

you don't put up
the mast first.

- [shouting]
What's that, Squidward?

- I said,
"SpongeBob, you clam-head"--

[groans]

[moans]

- Hey!

- You have to start
with the frame.

All right,
now bend it into a boat shape.

D'oh!

♪ ♪

[yelps]

[whistles and clangs]

- Tickle, tickle, tickle.

- SpongeBob,
wood planks are not--

- [laughs]

- Ticklish.

[yelps]

[screams]

[whistles and clangs]

- We did it, Squidward.
Put her there.

- [weakly]
Hooray.

[dramatic music]

Whoa! Ha!

Ooh! Hey! Aah!

Aah! Ooh! Hey! Aah!

Uh-oh!

[yelps]

- [gasps] Huh?

[growls]

What in the name of all
that's salty are you doing?

You're wasting
expensive lumber-er-er-er.

- We're trying to build
the ship's frame, Mr. Krabs.

- Pfft.

Building the frame?

They give you one
all ready to go.

- Ooh!

- Take a gander, boy-o.

- Ooh--

[gags]

I'm shipshape, Mr. Krabs.

- Now get back to work.
The tide's going out.

- [groans]

- [sighs]

[orchestral music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, a stubborn one, eh?

- [grunts]

[sighs]
Mm-hmm.

♪ ♪

- Hmm...

[strains]

- Hmm? Huh?

[yelps]

- [panting]

- [groans]

Huh--whoa!

♪ ♪

[groans]

[growls]

♪ ♪

Huh?
[strains]

♪ ♪

[moans]
- Squidward!

- [groans]

- Did you see an anchor?

I think I dropped one.

- Why don't we switch places?

You work down here
and I'll work up there.

[sighs]
Much safer.

Never work below an idiot.

- Oops!
Look out above!

- Above?

[grunts]

That's it!

♪ ♪

- Huh--whoa!

Oh, hi, Squidward.
- [growls]

- Have you seen a safe up here?
I think I dropped it.

- [yelps]

[growls]

From now on,
you're working next to me

where I can keep an eye on you.

- Aw, that's so sweet,
Squidward.

- [groans]

[expl*si*n]

- Wow.

Mr. Krabs,
your ship is finished!

- We use the term "ship"
very loosely.

[gull cries]

- [groans]

[foghorn blows]

Hmm,
she's a little off the beam.

Hmm...

Hmm, I know!

All she needs is a nice,
shiny coat of paint.

[grunts]

♪ ♪

The S.S. Sea-cret Formula
is ready to set sail...

as soon as you two drag her
into the lagoon.

[both strain]

- Mush!

♪ ♪

both: Huh?

♪ ♪

[bell dings]

- [hums]

- [gasping]

Well, at least this weekend
isn't a total waste.

- Not so fast, Mr. Squidward.

You still have work to do.

- Huh? Work?

♪ ♪

[bell dings]

- Welcome to the grand opening

of the Krusty Krab
of the high seas...

and even higher prices.

[laughs]

- Huh! Forget it!

I am not moving from this spot.

- No problem.

- Huh?

♪ ♪

- How exciting, Squidward!

I get to flip patties and be--

[gags]
Seasick at the same time.

[retches]

- We're not gonna sell any food
in the middle of a lagoon!

- I'd like one Krabby Patty
combo with extra combo on it.

[ka-ching]

- [panting]

[bell dings]

[gags, retches]

- Your order.

- At ease, sailor.

[slurps drink]
- [sighs]

- [grunts]

[screams]

♪ ♪

- [humming]

- [chuckles]

[whistle blows]

Whee!

♪ ♪

Yeah!
[laughs]

Whoo!

both: Mmm!

- [grunts]

[cheering]

♪ ♪

- Whoa!

[ka-ching]

- Huh? Hmm...

I didn't know there was
an island in Goo Lagoon.

[tense music]

- [laughs]
- Huh?

Butt-berg, dead ahead!

- [gasps] Huh?

Everyone, hold fast!
- Whoa!

[grunts]

[screams]
[bell rings]

[horn blows]

- Great Neptune's nose hair!

- [screams, grunts]

- [screams, grunts]
[bell rings]

- [yelps]

- [whimpers]

[scraping]

Hmm?

[strains]

Hmm...

♪ ♪

[Squidward playing "Taps"]

- One double Krabby Patty,
please.

[ka-ching]

♪ ♪

[humming]

[eerie music]

♪ ♪

- [roars]

Give me all the Krabby Patties
you got, kid.

Oh, I'm so hungry,

I could eat at the Chum Bucket
and like it.

Boy, I'll tell you--
[retches]

- [sighs]
Oh, boy.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, Gary.
Who wants snackies?

Come on, Gar-bear.

I promised you a treat if
you got an A on your math test.

Here, snaily, snaily, snaily.

Where are you, boy?

Gary?

Gary?

- [echoes] Meow.

- Hmm?

- [echoes] Meow.

- Uh, Gary?

[gargles]

- [hums]

Huh?
- Gary?

[woman screams]
- [screams]

[flushes]

- [groans]

- Meow.

- Gary?

- Meow.

Meow. Meow.

- Did that lump in my wall
always meow?

- Meow.

- Gary, how'd you get in there?

And how do I get you out?

- Meow.

- Hmm...

Ah!

[groans]

There.

[strains]

[wind blows]

[groans]

Oh, no!
I locked myself in!

- [sighs]

- Meow.

Meow.

- Hey!

I've been looking all over
for you, little mister.

- Meow.

- Here, boy.

Whoa!
- [laughs]

Thank you, kind stranger.

[laughs]

- [screams]

- [whistles]

- Meow.

Meow.
- [chuckles]

- Whoa!
Who are you?

- You can call me Wally C,

for in these walls,
I live, you see?

[laughs]

- Well, my name be
SpongeBob SquarePants

for I'm a sponge
who wears square pants.

Hey, how did you get in here?

- Oh, long ago

a handyman was I till...

both: Hup, hup, hup, hup,
Hup, hup, hup.

- Hey!

Me eternal confinement.

[muffled screams]

both: Hup, hup, hup, hup.
Hup, hup, hup, hup.

- Ooh!

- [muffled scream]

- Is that normal?

- That's just
the house settling.

[chuckles nervously]

- Sold!

- And thus me fate
was forever cast

in drywall.

The end.

- Mmm!

What?

I can't believe you've been

living in the walls
all this time.

Hey, maybe we can
find a way out together.

- Uh-uh, there be no exit

once ye enter
this restrictive realm.

- Um, don't you want
to get out of here?

- Nay!

Wally no longer cares
for the outside realm.

Here, feeling cramped
be just a state of mind.

[laughs]

- Whoa!

[whimsical music]

♪ ♪

- Welcome to Wallhalla!

♪ ♪

How would you like
a grand tour?

- Oh, we would love
the grand tour.

[animals chittering]

- Welcome to me mold garden.

Hey! Me aspergillus!

Shoo! Shoo!

- Ooh, I see you're also
growing raisins in your garden.

- Raisins?
Oh, no.

Those are urchin droppings.

[laughs]

- [gags]

[all exclaim]

Huh?

Oh, Wally, there's a way out.

- [laughs] Nay.

That's just me magic fridge.

Oh! Ah!

[moans]

Ooh!

[slurps]

Ah.

- Magic?

- No matter
how much I eat or drink,

she always provideth more.

[laughs]
- [slurps]

Hey, I get
Tender Tummy Kelp Juice too.

Sure tastes better
from the magic fridge, though.

- There be many magical
crannies in Wallhalla.

- Whoa!

- Wallhalla even has
a magic medicine cabinet

where I keep--aha--

me magic nose brush.

[snorts]

[laughs]

Brush the hairs
within your nose

so they don't drip
upon your clothes.

- Wallhalla is amazing!

Wow, to think that
right behind the wall

is a world without problems.

- Well, Wallhalla
does have one problem.

A noisy neighbor.

- [gasps] No!

- Beyond these walls,

there lives a creature
with squeaky shoes

who stomps around all day.

A monster who shrieks
with delight at all hours.

A beast
with an ear-piercing laugh

so annoying

it drove me mad!

And it sounds like this.

[imitates SpongeBob's laugh]

- [screams]

That's the most horrible thing
I've ever heard.

- [sighs]
Meow.

- But I'm sure glad to be safe
in here with you, Wally.

- Oh, SpongeBob,

meeting ye has been
the greatest day of me life.

Or is it nighttime?

I lost track years ago.
[wolf howls]

What say ye
to a friendship feast?

- Oh, I thought
you'd never ask.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

both: To friendship!

[slurp, sigh]

To Wallhalla!

♪ ♪

- Mmm!

♪ ♪

[all sigh]

- Hmm, Wally, that was the
friendliest feast I ever had.

Well, guess me and Gary
better find our way back home.

- Huh?
Who's Gary?

- Meow?
- Huh?

Oh, you know,
my pet snail, Gary.

- [purrs]

- [blows raspberry]
Your pet snail?

He be my pet snail!

And his name ain't Gary.

It's "Garr-ee."

See?

- Oh, I get it.

"Garr-ee," Gary.

That's funny.
[laughs]

[laugh echoing]

- That haunting laugh.

It was ye!

Ye who drove me mad!

[screams]
[monkeys howl]

- Gulp.
- Meow.

- I curse thee,

SpongeBob SquarePants,

and thy irritating cackle.

Now, I'm gonna

wring the water
from your pores!

[both scream]

Be gone from Wallhalla!

- [screams]

- You're breaking
me beautiful world!

- SpongeBob, you home?

Hmm...hmm...
- [screams]

- If you don't come out
right now...

- Guess not.

Well, su casa es mi casa.

♪ ♪

[both scream]

I don't believe it!

Raisins!
[laughs]

[humming]

[muffled screams]
- Oh, no, you don't!

- Patrick, help us!
- Meow!

[both scream]

- [sighs]
This show stinks.

Boo!

[all strain]

Ooh, the mail is here!

Well, this isn't for me.

I'll just return to sender.

Go down!

Oh!

Ooh, not for me cookies.

[munches loudly]

[both scream]
- [growls]

- Patrick,
thank goodness you're here.

- Do you mind, SpongeBob?

I'm using the bathroom.

- Oh, no.
I'm through the looking glass.

Wallhalla's been destroyed.

Ye ruined me narrow,
uncomfortable life!

[sobbing]

- Who's the crybaby?

- Aw, there has to be one thing
from the outside world

that you miss, right?

♪ ♪

- [sniffs deeply]

Wait, is that a Krabby Patty?
- Mm!

- Okay, I admit
there was one thing I missed.

I've had to ration this
one Krabby Patty for decades.

- Hmm, I think I have an idea.

Uh, Patrick, why are my mom's
cookies floating in the toilet?

- Oh, because
I forgot to flush.

[flushes]

- [humming]

[bell dings]

Order up!

Or should I say,
order down!

[laughs]

- Thank ye!

[laughs]

[cash register chimes]
Got any mustard?

- [screams]
[laughter]

[screams]

[laughter]

- [sighs]
I still hate that laugh.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪