[TV STATIC DRONES]
[BRIGHT TONE]
[JUDY INHALES SOFTLY]
[JUDY SIGHS]
Morning.
Mm-hmm.
Want me to top off your coffee?
About to brew some. [CHUCKLES]
Them Colombian beans make me panic sh*t,
but I will brew 'em if
that's what you're drinking.
I'm fine. I've had my fill.
Hey, Beej.
I've been doing everything I
can to get us back to normal.
Okay? I've been doing joke arounds,
I've been watching food
documentaries like you like.
I don't know what else I can do.
I think at this point,
it's up to me to decide what to do next.
Like leave?
BJ.
It will never happen again.
You know it won't.
I regret this more than
anything in my whole life.
I swallow a lot.
But this...
this might be something
I can't choke down.
Now if you'll excuse me...
to clear my head, I need to blade.
[YANNI'S "ARIA"]
[OPERATIC SINGING IN FRENCH]
♪ ♪
[BJ SCREAMS]
[BJ GASPS SOFTLY]
♪ Praise ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Praise ♪
Wanted to take a moment
before we leave to let you know
how much we appreciate
all you done for us.
You guys did such a good
job straightening us out,
we're ready to go tackle
life all by ourselves.
They're reformed. They're ready to f*ck.
[LAUGHS] We fixed 'em.
I think it happened
when we dressed them up,
gave 'em haircuts.
Crying 'cause we're leaving, Judy?
No, dummy!
I'm crying about very sad
sh*t going on in my own life.
She is crying 'cause of us.
Women don't have control
over their emotions.
It ain't their fault.
You know what? I'm not
even gonna correct you.
'Cause all y'all are
now is so much better
than when y'all were Boogaloo Bois
just a little while ago.
They can't go, Eli! It ain't safe!
What about Peter?
There's no telling what he might do.
We want no part of
anything he has to offer.
[CHUCKLING] So we'll be fine, Uncle.
How are you boys plannin' on going?
Can you still give us a ride, Cuz?
Oh, that's right.
I did say I'd give you a ride, didn't I?
Well then.
Here you go.
[KEYS JINGLE]
♪ Redeemer ♪
Seeing as how we're cool cousins again,
I thought it only fair that
I give y'all my monster truck.
[LAUGHS]
- Huh.
Now she ain't street-legal,
so stay in your lane.
- [LAUGHS]
- Yes!
♪ Redeemer ♪
[CHATTER AND LAUGHTER]
♪ ♪
♪ Redeemer ♪
[ROWDY CLASSIC ROCK MUSIC]
[LAUGHTER]
♪ ♪
Oh, baby. Don't be sad.
- You'll see 'em real soon.
- No, it's not that.
I instantly regret giving it to 'em.
My monster truck was
far too giant a gesture.
[JESSE SIGHS]
♪ Redeemer ♪
You know her, you love her,
but did you know today,
she becomes our assistant youth pastor?
Let's give a whoop-whoop
to Taryn, y'all!
ALL: Whoop-whoop!
What happened to Keefe?
I think you know what
happened to Keefe, Maxwell.
Don't even know why
you're asking that, so.
[LAUGHS] Keefe got canned.
[KIDS LAUGH]
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]
Oh, yeah? Is that funny?
Keefe didn't get canned, okay?
He is leaving us to
pursue other opportunities.
So... not even sure why
you keep bringing that up.
[KELVIN CHUCKLES]
[TARYN SIGHS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
My name is Taryn and I
look forward to sharin'...
- Aw.
- All my love with y'all.
And it's my birthday!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Let's go!
♪ Whoa, don't be acting like ♪
♪ He ain't the king with the crown ♪
♪ Walk in, any situation,
make it on and shut it down ♪
♪ Yeah, don't be acting like
♪ That royalty don't
come attached, baby ♪
♪ It's a package deal, two-for-one ♪
♪ Yeah, give me that ♪
♪ Whoo, tell 'em that
survivin' is the new way ♪
♪ Yeah, haters gotta finish him ♪
♪ No, bitch ♪
♪ Yeah, they in the draw,
can't figure it out ♪
My client is asking for
a settlement of $,
for damages and emotional distress.
And if we don't pay?
Then we don't keep it confidential.
I tell the whole church
that this adulterous whore
f*cked my husband.
You wish, honey. We
barely got to second base.
You need to get your facts straight.
Stephen, tell her.
Tell her we didn't f*ck.
Judith, zip the lips.
- Don't silence me!
- Well, whatever happened,
it's probably twice as bad as what you
and failure of a man admit to.
- [STEPHEN CLEARS THROAT]
- Hush, Stephen.
Now don't you start, too.
[THROUGH TEETH] Just sit
there quiet like a little dog.
Ooh-wee. [CHUCKLES]
Look at you.
Ice cold, baby.
[POSH BRITISH ACCENT]
An even shitter bitch
than Stephen said you were.
Judy, shush your mouth.
We will, of course,
have to discuss this.
I'm sure you understand.
We expect your response promptly.
Tick-tock.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Let's go.
♪ ♪
- Judy.
- Just... I'm gonna walk them out.
Judy.
♪ ♪
[JUDY SNARLS]
f*cking k*ll you in your sleep!
Cut your f*cking head off and scalp you.
[JUDY SNARLS ANGRILY]
I mean, g*dd*mn, Judy.
Can't you show a f*cking
ounce of restraint
for once in your life?
Lick my d*ck, Jesse!
Just pay the heifer and be done with it!
Our best course of
action is to play nice.
Not only will we have to pay them,
I suggest you also
make a personal apology.
Thanks, Martin, but no thank you.
You're doing it.
You're gonna hold your nose,
you're gonna kiss
that bitch's smelly ass
for the good of the church.
You're taking the L.
That's a nah, son, from me. No L.
Kiss that smelly B, Judy.
- No!
- Take the L.
We can pay them, but I'm
not doing an apology on them.
We're gonna overpower
you with repetition.
BOTH: Take the L! Take the
L! Take the L! Take the L!
- Take the L!
- Okay!
I'll take the f*cking L!
[JUDY HUFFS]
I commissioned a fella outta Brussels.
He's also done a DMX
and Fred Astaire dancing
with a vacuum cleaner.
Wow.
With Judy pulling her bullshit,
now is the time to show Daddy
who's putting in that real work.
Yeah, well, f*ck Judy and her troubles.
If she don't get her ass in line,
we make a hologram out of her too, now.
- Mm.
- Come on, let's go look at it
from the nosebleeds.
Only thing I'm worried
about is, you know,
Daddy can get real cagey
when it comes to people trying
to make money off of Mama.
I can see him shutting
this whole damn thing down
'cause he thinks it's disrespectful.
Well, she's my sister.
She's your mama.
He don't own her. We own her, too.
And look here. I'm giving you
a walking, talking Aimee-Leigh.
You got people leaving this church.
This is the answer.
I mean, this thing costs
a sh*t ton of money.
You ain't really giving me anything.
How 'bout I throw my
mentorship in for free?
I think I'm good. I
don't need no mentor.
- Everybody needs a mentor.
- I don't.
Especially you. You
more than anybody I know.
- Nope.
- Yes, you are.
- And I'ma be yours.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
- No.
You need to calm the f*ck down.
That's my first piece
of mentor advice to you.
And look here.
'Cause I'm helping you out,
you gon' help me out too, now.
You gon' be pick up my
quiz show, "Bible Bonkers."
Oh, come on now.
This is starting to feel
like a f*ckin' shakedown.
Well, you change your mind,
I'll just unplug your mama
and I'll sell her to one of
them sex shows over in Bangkok.
Them boys'll hack a program real quick.
Make your mama do all
kinds of nasty stuff.
You dirty dog.
Come on, Jesse.
Now, let's just do a demo for the family
and your daddy, huh?
He ain't gonna be able to say no
once he sees his wife singing again.
Look here.
[HOLOGRAM CHIMES AND HUMS]
[PEACEFUL MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[TENSE GUITAR RIFFING]
[TOOLS WHIRRING LOUDLY]
[TENSE MUSIC FADING]
Hey, there! Keefe!
[TOOLS WHIRRING LOUDLY]
Keefe!
Oh, brother Kelvin.
What, uh...
what are you doing here?
Just checking in on my man.
They got you working like a mule, son.
Yeah, Brooks is a master carpenter.
A true artisan.
He's taught me a lot in
the ways of hard woods.
[SARCASTICALLY] Wow. I'm so impressed!
Master carpenter!
[CHUCKLES] He makes stuff from sticks.
Yay. Cool.
Jesus was a carpenter, too.
I'm well aware, Keefe.
But Jesus did way more than just that.
If his whole thing was
about being a carpenter,
no one would care.
It's the miracles and
stuff that are notable.
Not the carpentry.
So have you found happiness?
You doing good here?
I have.
I am.
That's so great to hear.
You know, 'cause I was...
worried that you might
regress without my guidance.
But no, it looks like you
got it all figured out here
and don't need my help at all.
How's everything with you, brother?
I am slaying.
Taryn just took over as
assistant youth pastor.
She's a total star.
Everybody loves her.
Having so much fun.
Seamless transition. No
one misses you at all.
I hate to be curt,
but I really got to get back to work.
Okay.
I would not want to keep you.
Good.
[KEEFE CHUCKLES]
[SOMBER PIANO MUSIC]
- [FROGS CROAKING]
- [TAKES DEEP BREATH]
[APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS]
[JUDY CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
What am I looking at here?
[JUDY LAUGHS]
Retired Daddy sitting on a bucket
with a fishing pole.
That's hilarious. [LAUGHS]
It's giving me life, dude. I love it.
I'm trying to find what I like doing
besides running a church.
- I'm struggling.
- Hmm.
Always worked so much,
I never got any hobbies.
I'm just a bore.
[SCOFFING CHUCKLE]
You ain't a bore, Daddy.
Come on.
[JUDY CLEARS THROAT]
Daddy, I, um...
I need to tell you something.
Oh, God.
I had a no-sex affair
with the guitar player
from my touring band.
And his wife found out.
And now she wants a bunch of money
in order to not tell people.
What the f*ck, Judy?
Daddy, I know.
I know, I know, okay?
- What does BJ think?
- It's not good, Daddy.
Come on. Can we just pay her?
Nothing like this is
ever gonna happen again.
I promise that.
I learned from this experience.
I learned a lot from it.
Honest to God, Daddy, please.
[SOMBER PIANO MUSIC]
I don't want to talk about this.
I just wanna fish.
- [SCOFFING CHUCKLE]
- Please.
♪ ♪
Could you f*cking kids just please...
[SHOUTING] Please figure out your lives?
♪ ♪
I'm not good at this.
Your mama was. Not me.
♪ ♪
You're on your own. You pay her.
With my own money? [SCOFFS]
So now you're not even gonna talk to me?
You're just gonna look out
at your f*cking fishing pole?
Yo, I'm talking to you!
Bye, Daddy. I'm leaving.
Yep, not even gonna say goodbye.
♪ ♪
I hate you.
♪ ♪
[UPBEAT FLUTE JIG PLAYING]
[CHICKEN CLUCKS]
♪ ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
♪ ♪
[COW MOOS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[ENGINE REVVING]
- What the hell?
- [URGENT INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Come on!
- Hey, hey!
- Hey! Surround 'em!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
[GOAT BLEATING]
Where'd you boys get this? [COW MOOS]
Did you steal it?
[CHUCKLING] Yes, sir.
We stole it right out from
under their stuck-up noses!
[LAUGHTER]
They stole it!
Straight from the devil!
[MILITIAMEN CHEERING]
[LAUGHING] Yeah!
[MILITIAMEN CHEERING]
Who knows what the
Gemstone Salvation Center
can do for you.
Janice and Tall Jay have
enrollment packages over there.
[SHAKILY] Go over there, please.
Just go. Don't look at me.
[SOBBING] Oh, God.
- Come on.
- Is he crying over there?
Yeah, he's f*cking leaking.
I'd cry, too.
He's a cuckold. His wife cheated on him.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHAD SIGHS]
[BJ SNIFFLING]
Hey, BJ.
For what it's worth,
I think it's pretty f*cked
up what Judy did to you.
It's not right.
She can be a pretty
selfish person sometimes.
I'm sorry.
I appreciate it, Jesse.
- You gonna confront the guy?
- Maybe.
I just don't think I
can move through life
knowing that a guy named
Stephen did this to me.
You want my advice?
You want to restore the power?
You fight this m*therf*cker.
You knock his d*ck in the dirt
and you show him who's the man.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
All right, show us your punch.
Sock that f*ckin' bag for me.
- Mm.
- Ah, sh*t.
[g*ng CHUCKLING] Ah, I
think I broke my wrist.
I think that m*therf*cker
was limp to begin with.
All right. Come on, now.
I want you to pop this bag!
Don't stop at the bag.
Punch through the bag.
Aim for that wall there right behind it.
Yeah, one solid punch will
make your jaw broke easy.
[FIST SMACKS] Right on the button.
You knock him in his f*cking jaw
and turn them lights out.
- Rock-a-bye, baby.
- That's right.
- Wouldn't that be great?
- Come on.
- KO'd in one punch?
- Mm-hmm.
Just come in and go...
"Good afternoon, Stephen.
"You thought my wife liked you?
"She likes me, bro.
She was mistaken when she
thought she liked you."
Ah! [g*ng GROANS]
I need you to put your
f*cking anger into this.
Tell the bag what's up, all right?
Don't be saying she was mistaken
when she thought she liked you.
- Pop this m*therf*cker!
- Yeah.
You piece of sh*t.
I'm not a piece of sh*t, you are!
Just thought you
could dry-ride my wife?
You freaking animal!
- Just trying to cum and...
- Stay focused.
Don't talk about cum. Tell
him who the f*ck you are.
I'm Ben Barnes.
- Benjamin Jason.
- You go off, Queen.
- [CHAD LAUGHS]
- Fucker.
- I'm Benjamin Jason!
- There you go.
I'm there for my wife
emotionally, spiritually,
and freaking sexually!
I get rock hard whenever she needs it.
You think you're some
hot-body homewrecker?
I'll wreck your f*cking face!
[BJ SNARLS]
- Yes!
- There you go!
Now don't tell him he's hot.
Don't give him compliments.
But everything else besides
that was working great.
Yeah, I liked the wordplay stuff you did
relating homewrecking
to wrecking his face.
That was clever.
You know, as church leader,
technically, I shouldn't be involved
in this Judy-inspired bullshit.
But if you are gonna face
him, I suggest you take these.
- Ooh.
- Mm.
Knucks.
Stylish, stealthy, effective.
Slide 'em on, slide 'em off.
You want that fight to be over quick?
You hit him with these little f*ckers.
- A w*apon?
- Yeah.
And once you've knocked him out
and you're standing above him,
finish him off with
a g*dd*mn one-liner.
Something dope, like... [CHUCKLES]
How you like me now?
Yeah, yeah. [CHAD CHUCKLES]
How you like me now?
No, no, no, BJ.
How you like me now?
You won. Let him know.
And then you spit on him.
That's how you win in the game of mens.
So open his mouth and spit in his mouth?
Uh, just on him.
Just... just a general
disrespect of spitting.
[BJ SNARLS] Yes!
Yes.
- [BJ SNARLING]
- Yes!
[g*ng SCREAMING]
Yes!
[SCREAMING ECHOES]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Judy?
Oh. Sup?
I was just reading a mag
here in the service entrance.
Definitely not following
you. [SCOFFING CHUCKLE]
But you know, since
you want to be all nosy
and say my name and sh*t,
can I holler at you for a second?
About what?
The absolute mess that you have made?
[JUDY HUFFS SOFTLY]
I hate to say it, but I told you so.
Bitch, I know.
Okay? Duh.
My sh*t sucks right now.
I'm going out of my f*cking mind.
I'm... I feel gross,
I wish I could crawl out of my own skin.
Seems like everybody
is talking about me.
And I can deal with that, but...
[SOFT SOMBER MUSIC]
I don't know, it's just, um...
it's just BJ, you know?
Like, what if he don't want
to work this out with me?
Judy, why don't you join
my women's prayer group?
There's a lot of women in the group
who have had very similar issues.
Cuckolded their husbands?
♪ ♪
Who are they?
Tell me their names.
Why don't you just
come see for yourself?
When Chad cheated on me,
it took everything I had to forgive him.
No offense, but, like,
I already know what you had to do
when Chad f*cked that whore.
- I want to know...
- Judy, we do not need details
or words like that in this conversation.
How else are you gonna say it?
When Chad f*cked the skin merchant,
what did he do to make
it better with y'all?
He showed genuine sorrow and remorse...
- Uh-huh.
- For what he did.
I knew the whole experience
had completely broken him.
I remember the time period
he, like, wore basketball
shorts constantly.
It was disgusting.
It wasn't good, Judy.
I lost respect for him.
And we've been working on that.
We're still working on that to this day.
Let me just make sure
I got this straight.
The cheater has to eat massive,
big ol' piles of sh*t
for however long... [SCOFFS]
Until the hurt person
decides they're forgiven?
Just on an arbitrary
whim, they decide that?
That's the gist of this, basically?
Basically, yes.
Oh, my God.
That was very well-said.
Thank you, honey.
[SCOFFS] f*cking sucks.
[NELSON'S "AFTER THE RAIN"]
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
♪ Look in the mirror, girl ♪
♪ By now you should know ♪
[KIDS CHEERING]
♪ I'm waiting as my
heart beats just for you ♪
Now, Kelvin! Let's see
you flip your world up!
Go, Kelvin! Let's see you flying! Go!
[KIDS CHEERING]
- Jump! Jump!
- ALL: Jump! Jump!
Jump! Jump! Jump!
♪ Whoa, after the rain ♪
♪ You'll see the sun appear ♪
♪ To light the way ♪
♪ Only after the rain ♪
♪ Can you hope to find true love again ♪
Hey, I was really digging
your gymnastics skills.
You're really good.
Thanks, I was just... [INHALES DEEPLY]
Working some stuff out up there.
I mean, you're pretty good, too.
Well, I think tumbling's a great way
to introduce the kids to exercise.
It really is.
It's like tricking a kid
into eating their greens
- by putting...
- BOTH: Cheese on broccoli.
- [LAUGHING] Oh, my God!
- What? That's crazy.
Brother Kelvin!
Uh... knock-knock.
I'm sorry. I...
thought you'd be alone.
Hey, Keefe.
Keefe Belief.
Man, oh, man. What a surprise!
Hey, I mean, get in here, my dude.
Show me some love. [CHUCKLES]
I made you a chair.
I did not make one for
Taryn. She doesn't get one.
O-okay. That's cool.
Is that... is that made of wood?
Yeah, it's w-wood.
And then I cured it with heat.
- That's your name.
- Very cool.
Yeah, we were just...
Oh, uh, we were just
talking the best way
to get the kids involved
in physical fitness.
- Taryn, a beast on the tramp.
- [TARYN CHUCKLES]
I mean, you should check
out her somersault game.
I thought somersaults
was our thing, brother.
Somersaults are for everyone, Keefe.
Oh, I get it.
Taryn is exactly me now.
No, I'm my own person.
No, you're exactly me.
By Kelvin's side.
Planning physical acts.
Talking about the children.
A replicant.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Taryn, would you give us a moment?
♪ ♪
Keefe.
Why are you being all
weird right now, hmm?
Is it weird?
Or have you and Taryn
had physical connections
with one another?
I barely know her.
All we do is talk about
tumbling and children.
We laugh.
Like we used to.
Keefe, you left me.
[KEEFE SIGHS SOFTLY]
You ditched me.
If you would've said yes
to Immigrant Outreach,
then we could still be dude-bros.
And what was I supposed to do?
Hmm? Just sit around, be lonely?
Wait for you to deliver
some stupid rocking chair?
[KEEFE SNIFFLES]
My loyalties are no
longer needed here, I see.
I will not disrupt what you and...
Taryn and building together.
Ugh.
[KELVIN GRUNTS]
♪ ♪
[GRILL SIZZLING]
- Sounds a little bit creepy.
- Creepy?
- My mama?
- No.
Not saying she's creepy.
Just, like, the idea
of bringing her back.
What does Eli think?
What the hell does it
matter what he says?
It's not his call. It's my call.
I'm the one who runs the church.
And if I want my mama to
appear in spectral form
in front of the entire congregation,
that's my choice.
What are you being a negative ninny for?
I'm not being a negative ninny.
Why can't you get my back?
And I would expect that from you.
I mean, I always have your back
no matter what dumb, little
stuff it is, you know?
Like this system nonsense.
Hey.
I mean, you're spending all your time
guiding f*cking wild women
and strangers and meanwhile,
your husband is trying to
run a f*cking megachurch
with absolutely no help.
No one is helping me at all!
Look, I'm sorry that you feel that way,
but I am proud of what
I have accomplished.
It makes me feel good to contribute,
to-to have something
that's mine, my own thing.
Okay, well, news flash, Amber.
Your thing doesn't
matter. My thing does.
You're out there trying to
play f*cking pretend therapist
f*cking farting in jars for people,
and I'm sitting here
trying to figure out
how to exploit my dead mama
so that people like us again!
[SOFT TENSE MUSIC]
Think I'll take my wine upstairs.
♪ ♪
I would just like to say how sorry I am
for the harm that I caused your marriage
and your family.
I just hope you can find it
in your heart to forgive me.
I hope this hurts.
[SOFT SOMBER PIANO MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[JUDY TAKES DEEP BREATH]
♪ ♪
Dang, Martin. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Feeling vibes like...
like I'm a teenage girl
going to the abortion clinic
in secret with her male best friend
from theater department.
♪ ♪
How come it's just you
here and not my brothers?
Mm, I thought it might be
best if you did this alone.
Easier, as well.
You know, I'm just shocked
they didn't demand to be here.
Shove my face in
humble pie a little bit.
I told them it was on Tuesday.
♪ ♪
Thanks, Martin. [SNIFFLES]
[JUDY SOBS SOFTLY]
♪ ♪
- It's all right.
- Mm.
Now, now. It's all right.
♪ High upon a lonely ledge ♪
♪ A figure teeters near the edge ♪
♪ And jeering crowds collect below ♪
♪ To egg him on with, "Go, man, go!" ♪
♪ But who will ask what led him ♪
♪ To his private day of doom ♪
- [KNUCKLES cr*ck]
- ♪ And who will answer? ♪
♪ If the soul is darkened ♪
♪ By a fear it cannot name ♪
♪ ♪
♪ If the mind is baffled ♪
♪ When the rules don't fit the game ♪
- ♪ Who will answer? ♪
- [NOTIFICATION CHIMES]
♪ Who will answer? ♪
♪ Who will answer? ♪
♪ Who will answer? ♪
_
♪ Who will answer? ♪
_
♪ Hallelujah! ♪
♪ Hallelujah! ♪
_
Can we get this show on the road, Jesse?
People have lives.
Look, we ain't doing sh*t
until Daddy gets here.
This is primarily for
his benefit, anyway.
Oh, there he is.
Speak of the devil
and the devil appears.
Don't be saying Daddy's the devil, now.
Come on, Daddy-boy
and Aunt May-May.
Come on and take a seat
right here in the front.
Sup, Daddy-boy?
He ain't saying nothing to you, Judy.
- This is my thing.
- I'm just saying hi!
What I'm gonna show you tonight
is gonna blow your
f*cking brains out, okay?
Remember miracles are real.
They're real now.
Okay, go on. Give me some space.
This is my moment. Go on.
It is no mystery that the
road we have been traveling on
has been bumpy as of lately.
But I have a solution.
Now, seeing as I'm
the only minister here
who's doing a f*cking thing...
[CHORTLES] f*ck you.
I feel that I need some backup.
I need somebody that's
never let us down,
who will always will know
the right thing to say.
Without further ado, Uncle Baby Billy,
begin the presentation.
Y-you bet I will! I'ma
begin the presentation.
- But first...
- No, no. No but firsts.
Yes. But first, my favorite
nephew, Jesse Gemstone,
has ordered Baby Billy's "Bible Bonkers"
straight to series!
- Oh, yeah.
- It's a go.
That's enough.
It's gonna be quiz show
fun for the whole family!
Stop saying more stuff, Baby Billy.
- Go sit down.
- It's a million-dollar idea.
- Shh, shh!
- It's one million dollars.
Again. Watch, everyone. Pay attention.
Shut the f*ck up.
[MACHINE WHIRRING AND CHIMING]
Hey, y'all!
Boy, I've missed worshipping with you!
I'm so glad we get to do that today.
It's been a while. What's new with you?
Have you been talking to Jesus?
How 'bout we pray to Him right now?
Dear Heavenly Father,
we thank You for bringing
us all here together.
We are humbled by Your
glory, yes, we are.
Your love gives us strength
and fills us with joy.
Continue to use us...
You made Mama into a Force ghost?
Yes, I did.
Amen.
Now who wants to hear some more singing?
I performed a damn Mama miracle.
Like Jesus Christ, she has risen again.
♪ The old country lane ♪
♪ Still looks the same ♪
- [ELI CRYING]
- Jesse!
You're making Daddy cry! Turn it off!
Hush, Judy. Those are tears of joy.
Those are happy tears.
Oh, please turn this off.
I don't want to see it.
Eli, don't be scared.
It's just Aimee-Leigh.
Daddy, that ain't no
Babadook, that's Mama.
It's darkness. I won't even watch.
- I hate this.
- Why, Jesse?
Because we don't have what it takes!
We f*cking suck together!
I'm trying to make us more appealing!
Well, that's not gonna happen
if you are constantly trying
to hog the f*cking spotlight!
Dude, everybody knows that
I'm the talent in this
family since Mama d*ed.
I got more talent in my pubes
than you do in your entire being.
You could quit right now today
and nobody would care.
You're the girl who isn't
even supposed to be here.
You're an add-on.
No, you're an add-on.
You're both add-ons!
Baby Billy and I worked very hard
on this special media presentation
- and you're ruining it!
- Guess what?
Mic drop.
I quit!
Okay. I quit, too.
I don't want to work with y'all, either.
All right. Well, toodle-f*ckin'-loo
to both of you.
Look at us! Look at us here!
Huh, Daddy? You see?
This is exactly what I have
to deal with all the time!
Two worthless sacks
of sh*t that do nothing
but weigh me down and
keep me from shining!
I don't care.
You've turned your mother into
a damn carnival attraction.
Shut it off!
Fine. Baby Billy, shut it down.
I'm trying to turn it off.
- Turn it off, Jesse!
- We are!
Hit the button, god damn it!
- God!
- [VOICE CRACKING] Turn it off!
- f*cking shut it off.
- Hey. Unplug it.
- Knock it off!
- Stop it, now!
[HOLOGRAM MUSIC DISTORTING]
Whoo! ♪ Y'all gon' make me... ♪
♪ Up in here, up in here ♪
[MUSIC RAPIDLY ALTERNATING]
♪ Y'all gon' make me go... ♪
- Plug it back in, man.
- ♪ Up in here, up in here ♪
[HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING]
Turn it off, turn it off!
♪ Y'all gon' make me act a... ♪
[AIMEE SINGING]
No, no, no, no, no!
Oh, no! No!
No, no, no, no!
It's a loaner!
[MACHINE WHIRRING DOWN]
Shame on all of you.
Why do you gotta be so
thoughtless all the time?
Save the lecture and hit the bricks.
Get to steppin', bitch!
[JUDY GAGGING AND CHOKING]
Your daddy's done a lot
for the three of you.
Maybe you should show
him some more respect.
[GASPING] Get her.
Y'all get her.
[DMX'S "PARTY UP" STUTTERING]
Whoo!
How you like me now?
How am I to you now?
[DOGS BARKING]
[MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY INSIDE HOUSE]
Open the door!
It's BJ Barnes, son!
[BIRDS SINGING]
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
I know you're in there!
Texting Judy invitations!
One last time?
How 'bout I show you one last time?
♪ ♪
[KENNY ROGERS' "DAYTIME FRIENDS"]
♪ ♪
♪ When it's over ♪
♪ There's no peace of mind ♪
♪ Just a longing for the
way things should have been ♪
♪ ♪
♪ And she wonders ♪
♪ Why some men never find ♪
♪ That a woman needs
a lover and a friend ♪
♪ ♪
♪ And he'll tell her ♪
♪ He's working late again ♪
♪ But she knows too well
there's something going on ♪
♪ ♪
♪ She's been neglected ♪
♪ And she needs a friend ♪
♪ So her trembling fingers
dial the telephone ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Lord, it hurts her ♪
♪ Doing this again ♪
♪ He's the best friend
that her husband ever knew ♪
♪ ♪
♪ When she's lonely ♪
♪ He's more than just a friend ♪
[BJ WHISTLES]
What the f*ck?
♪ ♪
How you like me now?
♪ ♪
♪ Daytime friends and nighttime lovers ♪
♪ Hoping no one else discovers ♪
♪ Where they go, what they do ♪
♪ In their secret hideaway ♪
♪ Daytime friends and nighttime lovers ♪
♪ They don't want to hurt the others ♪
♪ So they love in the nighttime ♪
Hiyah!
♪ And shake hands in the light of day ♪
♪ ♪
♪ When it's over ♪
♪ There's no peace of mind ♪
♪ Just a longing for the
way things should have been ♪
♪ ♪
♪ And she wonders ♪
♪ Why some men never find ♪
♪ That a woman needs
a lover and a friend ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Daytime friends and nighttime lovers ♪
♪ Hoping no one else discovers ♪
♪ Where they go ♪
[TENSE PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
Get the f*ck out of here.
You lost, bitch.
[STEPHEN SCREAMING AND CRYING]
[OMINOUS DRONING MUSIC]
[OMINOUS DRONING MUSIC FADING]
[DOOR OPENS]
BJ?
I made dinner.
Are you okay?
Oh, my God.
I hope you like me now.
♪ Judy ♪
♪ Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Heaven has a place ♪