01x01 - Becoming Carmen Sandiego (Part 1)

[bunniefuu]

[car engine revving]

- [tires screeching]
- [Chase] In just the last few weeks,

this Carmen Sandiego has managed
to rob millions of euros combined

from a Swiss bank,
a high-end art gallery in Cairo,

and a Shanghai amusement park.

Before vanishing without a trace.

Headquarters has yet to discern
any pattern

except that our perpetrator
always wears a scarlet coat and fedora

and seems to announce her crimes

by making random
public appearances beforehand.

[Chase] Such as the nearby café sighting
earlier today.

So we must ask ourselves,
who in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Why would a thief
draw attention to herself

by leaving clues and wearing bold colors?

Perhaps stealing's a game to her.

[scoffs] Ha! The game is over.

She is in my jurisdiction now,
though I question why.

Poitiers is rich with medieval history.

Perhaps she is targeting
a priceless antique

or historic artifact
from one of its many churches, or...

[tires screech]

Ms. Argent, you are an agent of Interpol,
not a museum guide.

So you may stop sharing dull facts
about boring things.

You have been on the force
merely a fortnight, have you not?

You have so much to learn,

and since you have been assigned
to my department,

Um, uh...

I, Chase Devineaux, will be your teacher.

- Inspector Devineaux, sir...
- Nuh-uh.

Sit back, watch,
and learn how to catch a thief.

She's right there!

Huh?

[hook clanks, line whirrs]

La Femme Rouge!

[tires screeching]

[engine revving]

Remain here!

And radio for assistance?

No, the crimson ghost is mine!

On top of the world.

I can see La Cathédrale Saint-Pierre
from here.

- [intercom beeps]
- [Player] Friendly advice?

Save the sightseeing for after the job.

[chuckles] Player, glad to hear
you're on board.

You know I wouldn't miss
a night out with you for the world, Red.

Let's get this party started.

[knuckles crackle]

[Player] Virtual Paris sure looks lovely
this time of year.

Touring through France,

locking onto your position
over there in Poitiers...

and we're synced.

If our intel is accurate,

the next stop on your sightseeing tour
of historic Poitiers should be...

yards dead ahead.

- How's my temperature?
- Warm, Red.

Getting warmer.

[Player] You're red hot.

[beeps]

- [keyboard clicking]
- [beeping]

Analyzing frequencies.

Decrypting security codes.

Alarm system disabled.

[beeps]

[Player] But I'm picking up
another signal.

Could be a trap.

Let's find out.

Watch your step, Red.

[whirring]

"Watch my step."

[beeps]

[grunts]

[thumping]

Well, this just became
worth a whole lot less.

[rattles]

[elevator creaking]

Why must the elevator
date back two centuries?

[yells] Was no one ever
in a hurry back then?

Okay, who walls up an atrium?

[raps]

[Player] Anyone who values storage
over natural light.

He said, a little too knowingly.

Don't judge.
I'm happy here in my dark little cave.

You called it, Player.

Right tool for the job. Ah, this works.

[rapid beeping]

[creaking continues]

[elevator bell rings]

[panting]

[gasps, grunts]

[beeps]

Safe cracked.

[lock clicks]

[Carmen] The Eye of Vishnu.

- [gasps]
- What is it, Red?

I'm staring at something I thought
I'd never, ever set eyes on again.

It better be more valuable

than a sparkly blue gemstone
the size of my head.

Define "valuable."

They say beauty's
in the eye of the beholder.

Are you gonna tell me
what it is, Red, or...

[banging on door]

[Chase] Interpol! Open this door!

- [banging continues]
- Bag the gem and get out of there already!

I said open up!

[groans, panting]

Stop, thief!

[yelps]

[grunts]

On whose authority?

On the authority of, uh...

[Carmen] Inspector Chase
Devineaux, Interpol.

"Chase," huh?
[scoffs] Let's see what's in a name.

[groans]

[grunts]

I order you to stop!

You didn't say for how long.

[Chase groans] It was implied!

[grunts]

[panting]

[shudders] Uh-hh!

- [clatters]
- [gasps]

[grunts]

Au revoir.

[both gasp]

- [crackles]
- [yelps]

- [groaning]
- [roof creaks]

[wind whistling]

- [bangs]
- [gasps]

[car alarm beeping]

[groaning]

Oof!

[alarm continues]

[car lock chirps]

- Did you just...?
- Never mind that!

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

[theme music playing]

[Carmen] My train.

- I'm right on time.
- [intercom beeps]

[Player] Like you ever aren't.
Ticket purchased and uploading.

[beeping]

She has to land sometime.
How far can she possibly get?

She is heading for the train station.

Secure the crime scene!
Deduce what was stolen.

[Julia coughing]

[clicks]

[rattling]

- [tires screeching]
- [train horn blaring]

- [groans]
- [glass shatters]

[elevator creaking]

[cell phone ringing]

Inspector. Good news, I hope.

[Chase] Ms. Argent... Julia...

you're the smartest person I know,
so tell me, please...

is it possible for an automobile
to catch a moving train?

Driving aggressively, of course.

Well, I'm really not much
of a math detective,

but I suppose it depends
upon how many stops the train makes

and for how long at each.

Mm-hmm. Then perhaps I shall catch
this Little Red Robbing Hood.

[beeps]

First class. Sweet.

My treat, Red. You earned it.

Well, well.

[whirring]

Blast from the past, eh?

- [static crackles]
- [key beeps]

Red! Carmen!

Dude, seriously? Static cling?

Side effect of the directional EMP.

So you can forget about
reaching for your phone or fancy toys.

They're dead.

I know how an electromagnetic pulse
works, Gray.

You aren't the only one
who passed Dr. Bellum's class.

And you didn't really think
I'd take any of your bait

without checking for a tracking device,
did you, Gray?

That's right, I wanted you to find me.

It's time we tied up loose ends.

You were the only loose end
until five seconds ago

when I captured
the elusive Carmen Sandiego.

Or should I call you...

"Black Sheep"?

[Brunt] Welcome to VILE
Training Academy for thieves.

V-I-L-E. Valuable Imports, Lavish Exports.

We traffic stolen goods
to the four corners of the globe.

You've each been hand-picked
for our one-year program

due to the extraordinary potential
you've demonstrated.

I am Coach Brunt,
and these are my house rules.

Rule number one...
no contact with the outside world.

That means no
portable electronic devices allowed.

[gasping]

And rule number two... first names only

until you get assigned your code name.

Ain't that right, Lambkins?

Lambkins? Who knew VILE had a mascot?

[laughs]

[grunts] Whoa!

Only my friends call me "Lambkins."
My code name's Black Sheep.

Do you understand? Nod if you understand.

Uh-huh.

[laughs]

You really schooled me the day we met.

I thought you should know
who you were dealing with.

Well, it seems I still don't know.

The slick red hat, the exotic new name.

Who are you, really?

A professional thief, just like you.

No, you weren't like the rest of us.

How did you ever wind up in crime school?

You want the whole story?

Your clock runs out when we reach Paris.
Make it count.

From what I've been told,
I was found as a baby,

abandoned by the side of a road
just outside Buenos Aires, Argentina.

A set of Russian nesting dolls
were my only belongings.

I was brought to an island paradise

that just happened to be home
to a school for thieves.

That's right, VILE Academy.

It was no grade school,

but I was homeschooled
by a revolving door of nannies.

Some taught me how to read and write,

and most taught me
about the diverse places they were from.

Istanbul, not Constantinople!

Their languages.

Uh, ni hao.

Their cultures.

Olé!

I was found without a note or any ID,
so guess who got their code name early.

[girl] Hey, Black Sheep.

[boy] What's up, Black Sheep?

Not your pants!

I got to hang out on campus
with the big kids.

[squeaking]

- I was literally the only child
- [students yelping]

on the Isle of VILE...

which meant I got away with m*rder.

- Requesting clearance.
- [beeps]

[woman gasps]

[Carmen laughs]

Why, you...!

[gasps] Uh-oh.

Sure, the Campus of Crime
was no place for children,

but I never once felt
like I was in danger.

[grunts]

[groans]

I was part of the family.
I had protection.

[Brunt] Problem here?

[groans, mutters]

[crackling]

[man] Ugh!

[squeaking]

[beeping]

[Carmen] I never learned
who found me as a baby.

Oh, let's get you a cupcake, sugar pie.

But I always suspected it was Coach Brunt.

The island was my world.

For all I knew, the Earth was square.

There was no right or wrong.

Thievery was a competition, a game.

One I was ready to play for real.

I couldn't bear watching thieves
graduate from the academy

year after year.

I wanted to get out there
and be one of those thieves already!

[cell phone buzzing]

Whoa! [thumps]

[buzzing continues]

[grunts]

[buzzing]

A white hat?

[beeps]

"Better beef up your security. I got in."

"Got in"? Where? Here?

[phone ringing]

- [Player] Hello?
- He... hello?

Who is this?

- Black Sheep.
- Come on, what's your real name?

- Black Sheep.
- Okay.

Usernames work.

You can call me... Player.

Do you really where a white hat?

Uh, why? You've never heard
of "white hat hackers"?

That's a thing?

I have wicked hacking skills,
but I use them for good.

Okay, that doesn't even make sense.

Sure, it does.

I just hacked through layers
of encryption.

So, who do I inform over there
about the weak link

so you can upgrade your security?

Are you punking me?
Where are you calling from?

- My room in Niagara Falls.
- [Black Sheep gasps]

- Seriously? Which side of the falls?
- Canadian.

You're in Ontario?

Whoa, you really know your geography.

- What's it like there?
- It's all right.

We have computers, and Internet, and...

Hey, where in the world are you?

School.

What kind of school
needs layers of encryption?

[Carmen] Making contact with someone
from the outside world

was just the push I needed.

It was time to state my case

to the only family I knew.

Black Sheep, why have you
requested our audience?

I'm ready.

[scoffs] To enroll?

I know I'm not technically old enough,
Professor Maelstrom,

but I already have what it takes
to be an awesome thief.

Best ever!

[stammers] Um, in... in my opinion, sir.

[Dr. Bellum] Black Sheep may be young,

but she has had more training
at her age than any recruit,

even if only by osmosis.

Dr. Bellum is right.
Lambsie's got gumption.

I'd say she's ready to run
with the big dogs.

I, for one, am not thrilled
with the notion of having to endure

Black Sheep's lack of manners
in a classroom setting.

- The girl is feral.
- Precisely why she might be overdue

for properly supervised training,
Countess Cleo.

And you, Shadowsan?

We are operating a vocational school,
not a nursery school.

But we've never met a case
for advanced placement until now.

And last time I checked,
majority vote rules.

Black Sheep, you had better be certain

that becoming a professional thief
is what you truly desire,

for if you choose this road,
there will be no turning back.

I want this more than anything,
Instructor Shadowsan.

And I am willing to go
to the end of the line.

[Professor Maelstrom] All in favor?

[sniffles] Our little lamb's
gonna be all grown up!

[Carmen] I was finally
one of the big kids.

One of the thieves.

I'd survived orientation,
and I was ready to meet

- my future partners in crime...
- [door opens]

my roommates.

Hi, I'm Black Sheep.

- Hola. I am Antonio.
- Jean Paul. Bonjour.

Sheena.

You.

Feel free to skip ahead.
I was there, too, you know.

Sure, Gray. You were there.

But were you seeing things
from my point of view?

Uh, Black Sheep, was it?

The name's Graham.

Huh, this where you hide your pearls,
little girl?

Please don't touch my stuff.

What, these?

I said keep your paws off.

Uh-uh. Play nice, princess.
We all have to room together.

[scoffs] Probably costume jewelry.

[Carmen] First day of class,
and I was already making friends.

And enemies.

[Black Sheep] So, what's your story, Gray?

I was working as a junior electrician
at the Sydney Opera House.

Australia! I knew it!

When one day, a light bulb went off.

I could make a far better living
turning out the lights,

stealing from the cover of darkness.

Cool.

What about you, kiddo? What's your story?

Uh... Come on, Gray,
don't wanna be late for Stealth .

[Shadowsan] Origami, the Japanese art
of paper folding,

is the surest means
of perfecting a nimble touch.

Essential for the successful
picking of pockets.

[Brunt] The first rule of self-defense...

always protect the face.

Unless you wanna be knocked out cold
or wind up with a mug like mine.

[both grunting]

Pop quiz!

One of these two vases
is discount-store-grade garbage.

And the other, genuine Ming,
valued at $,.

Which would you steal?

My latest invention...

the Crackle Rod.

Settings can be adjusted here.

- EMP, stun mode, and so on.
- [crackles]

[Gunnar]
To properly execute a bait-and-switch,

the objects should be
of equal weight and size.

And there you have the switch.

- Oh, gross! What is this?
- [chirping]

That, my dear, would be the bait.

[Black Sheep] Player.

School's been really awesome.
I wish you were here!

[Gray] Black Sheep! Come on, mate!

[Player] Who's that?

Gray, from Down Under. [chuckles]

- He's my best friend.
- Oh.

My best school friend.

Anyway, gotta run.
I'm late for Infiltration .

What kind of school do you go to, again?

- [metal rattling]
- Stand tall, class.

Today's goal...

be the first to reach the target.

[whirrs]

[alarm blaring]

[Carmen] We really honed our skills.

We studied hard and we trained hard.

[laughing]

[screaming]

[Carmen] But we also played hard.

[Black Sheep] Here's the skinny.
Every first of December,

she arrives right on schedule.

I'm talking about Cookie Booker,
VILE's bookkeeper.

See that thing she's holding?

It's a hard drive, and it's loaded
with classified information

supplied by VILE operatives
all over the world.

It's way too important
to risk uploading from a remote location,

so they make her do a hand-carry by boat
to avoid radar detection.

Take aim, and bring the rain.

[Cookie yelps]

[laughter]

Vlad, Boris. Hiya.

[chuckles]

I take full responsibility.

Did I not tell you Black Sheep
was immature, impetuous?

- I recommend expulsion.
- [Brunt] Uh...

Isn't that... extreme?

Esteemed faculty, with due respect,
Black Sheep isn't to blame.

- We egged her on.
- What? No, we didn't!

We can't expel
the whole herd of them, can we?

Detention? What, are we in grade school?

[exhales] Thanks for having my back.

I'm going to have your hide.

Hey, can we focus?
These code names aren't naming themselves.

Ooh. I have one for you... Shocker.

- The Shocksmith?
- Lame.

"Power Failure."

Sorry, mates, nothing quite has
that crackle I'm looking for.

[gasps] That's it!

Get ready.

Graham Crackle.

Dude, really?

We are criminals!

Who would take us seriously
if we had puns for names?

Okay, I'll drop the Graham part.

[crackling]

I'm Crackle.

- Lights out, baby!
- [rod pops]

Le Chevre.

Like the nimble mountain goat,
I take the high ground!

[rumbles]

Like the burrowing mole,
El Topo takes the low!

I've earned my stripes.

Call me "Tigress."

So, who's off to clown college?

Ugh. Him.

The quiet guy from class.

Hello? Code name?

Ugh. He is so weird!

Oh, Mime b*mb!

[Carmen] The school year came and went.

I couldn't wait to graduate
and plot our first caper

as VILE operatives!

We just needed to ace our final exams
and we'd be professional thieves.

For the first exam, I call...

Tigress.

I got this.

Somewhere in my coat
lies a single dollar bill.

The coat has many pockets.

Locate the target and acquire it...

if you can.

- You have two minutes.
- [beeps]

[grunts]

[snarls]

[grunts]

Mm. Money.

Shadowsan is so gonna call foul.

Unorthodox technique.

But excellent results.

No way!
Shadowsan is totally playing favorites!

[Shadowsan] Black Sheep.

[indistinct chattering]

I swear I hit every pocket.

If there was a dollar in there,
I couldn't find it.

Hey, so you choked a little.
Like that's gonna affect your grade?

You're the finest pickpocket in our class.
Totally in a league of your own.

You think?

I know.

[all cheering]

[El Topo] I don't believe it!

Results are in!

Yes! [whoops]

- Félicitations, mon ami!
- Upward and onward, mi amigo!

Gray?

[stammers] Did... did you...?

I'm good, but...

I'm really sorry.

Crackle.

Come sit at the big kids' table.

[Black Sheep] Go on, Gray.

I'll be fine.

Aw. Looks like someone needs
to turn in their stealth suit.

Come on, let's go plot a caper.

[keys jingling]

Looking for these?

Playing games? Typical.

No game. I want a do-over.

And you will have it next year,
once you redo your coursework.

You're not hearing me.
Put on the coat. I want a do-over now.

We do not bend policy for other students,
so we really must stop doing it for you.

Good night, Black Sheep.

The coat was empty, wasn't it?

Are you accusing
a VILE instructor of cheating?

[stammers] S-Sorry.

It's just I know I'm as good
as anyone in my class.

Better, even.
And I know you know it, too!

And you also happen to be unruly,
undisciplined, and a prankster!

I would strongly urge that you find a way
to get those qualities in check

since they seem to be holding you back.

No. Nothing's holding me back.

Not anymore.

[helicopter blades whirring]

[groans]

[gate clanging]

[Gray] Our first crime caper,
where it all gets real!

School's out, boys.

Time to strut our stuff.

[engine revving]

[Gray] Bye-bye, Black Sheep.

[theme music playing]