01x04 - Bitch, I've Already Been to Prison

[bunniefuu]

I'm going back to prison.

Oh, uh Pearlman, uh,

Pearlman Property Group, you said?

- Who's next?

- Yeah.

Just, uh, ham and cheese, please.

Is there a-a place we can talk?

So?

So what?

We've still had no response

from you on the buyout

- or the back rent.

- Oh, the buyout.

- The buyout, yeah.

- And the deadline was last week, so

What was your name again?

Jonah Pearlman.

Right, uh, I was dealing

with a Gideon Pearlman.

- Is that your

- My father.

Your father, yeah.

Well, your pops and I have been

having an ongoing negotiation,

- so

- A negotiation?

Yeah, sure. Matter of fact, I just spoke

- to him the other day.

- Uh, Luis

He's the kind of man

that understands that it is

important for Empanada Loca

- And he understands that's it's in his best interest

- You got customers, Luis.

Wait, wait, wait, you spoke to him when?

Five, six days ago?

Uh I could check my phone.

Do you have any of this in writing?

Isn't that why you're here?

Am I What?

Bro, aren't you here

to give me the contract?

- Uh

- Looks like a miscommunication

on your end.

No, bro, it's okay, I'm not mad.

Uh why don't you go

ahead and call him?

Yeah, just get it all squared away.

No, no, um

Uh he's away.

- Yeah.

- That's right. That's right.

I remembered he had,

he had mentioned something

about taking a trip.

He did? Did he say where?

Uh, no.

Atlantic City? Upstate?

No, he did not.

Right, okay.

Uh, and you said you spoke

to him on the phone?

Yep.

- He never came by in person?

- Nah,

he never did, but

you know, I wish he would've

'cause I would've loved

to have, you know

shaken his hand and let him see

the fruits of our labor and

Where are my manners?

I'm so sorry, man.

Won't you try

one of our famous

- Muy Loco empanadas?

- Luis

- Oh, uh

- Sweet Cannibal Jesus, please, no.

One of a kind. Meat's locally sourced.

You ain't had nothing like this before.

That batch not cooked yet.

- Oh, no, it's cooked, mami.

- No, no, it's not ready.

- It's ready to go.

- No, it's not.

It's a little inside joke

we got. You know?

You should try some guava and cheese.

- Try that.

- I've actually never

I've actually,

I've actually never tried empanadas.

Hey, we already need more Muy Loc

Hi.

- Hi.

- Oh, looky here.

This right here is our

loyal empanada specialist, Nellie.

- Nellie, this is

- Uh, I'm Jonah.

- Hi.

- I'm Nellie.

Jonah Pearlman of the

Pearlman Property Group.

So, you're the new landlord?

- Well, not me, but my

- Good.

I got a leak in my kitchen ceiling.

In one of our buildings?

Yes, I live upstairs in 3B.

Didn't we just renovate 3B?

No, you renovated 3A,

which is across the hall

where the white boy lives.

And I don't want to have to call 311,

but I'm gonna

No, no, no, no, don't-don't call 311. Um

Don't call 311.

I-I can take a look now,

- if you want.

- Well, I have a job,

- and I'm working

- Whoa, Nellie, Nellie,

Nellie.

- Go show the man your ceiling.

- Really?

- Really?

- Yeah.

You don't think I got it covered down here?

It's my shop.

Uh, okay, Luis.

- I'll show you.

- Okay.

Oh, um, um, before we go,

may I?

Yeah, yeah, of course, of course.

- Oh, my God.

- What?

- Nothing.

- Nothing, nothing. Nothing.

Here you go, my friend.

Can't get them like this

anywhere else in the world.

I'm going to hell.

Wow.

Mmm,

mmm, mmm. Wow.

Is this, is this duck?

It's a mouthful of Daddy.

It's a trade secret. You understand.

Yeah, that's

really good, thanks.

I'm very proud of it.

Lead the way. Yeah.

Oh, I'll, um, I'll follow up soon.

Stabilized lease or not, you're

you're still on the hook

for the back rent.

Yes, sir.

Mmm. Thank you.

Yes. Yes.

Ooh, I told you,

I told you, Magic Hands. I told you we won.

- What kind of sick f*ck are you?

- Ow.

You fed him to his son.

His son, Luis.

Yeah, I keep telling you, mami,

we are hiding in plain sight, okay?

And we getting rid of all this evidence,

and you heard the man,

I still got a debt to pay,

so if you'll excuse me,

I'm-a get back to business.

I'm not going to hell.

This is hell.

I can't live like this

but I still got nowhere else to go.

Do I?

Make a f*cking plan.

Ah

Ha.

What is that?

- What the f*ck?

- Done.

It's done.

You wanted to get rid of the evidence?

I got rid of the f*cking evidence.

Why the f*ck would they

childproof these f*cking things?

My masterpiece.

I'm the one who's cleaning up after you,

okay?

- You're the one who's going

- Bitch.

I've already been to prison, all right?

If you wanted to help me,

you could've dumped him in the river,

not fed him to his own son.

- Hey, it's edible.

- What?

Like the Greek myth.

Oedipal?

That's what I said.

That's the last of him, right?

Of

- Mr. f*cking Pearlman.

- Yes, yes, yes.

It's the last of the meat.

This is done.

It's done.

I'm running a business here, D.

Got to get me a clean start, a fresh start.

Got to finish what I

started all those years ago,

before Dominic f*cked my life apart.

What are the chances any of these infants

also k*lled their landlord?

Excuse me.

Holy sh*t, Georgie.

Oh

My closest friend my

whole two years here.

The one who held my hand

at my dad's funeral.

Guess it's been a minute.

What the f*ck?

If I agree to a Sunday

morning appearance,

I'll be talking about how these

are non-violent offenders,

and that they should be the ones

allowed to profit first

when the legalization

She's here?

I'm not interested in

being some talking head

on behalf of No.

I'm not saying I won't discuss

- Okay.

- Can I help you?

I'm sorry, what? No.

I wasn't I-I know her.

Professor Bellyard is very busy.

You're gonna have to make appointment

if you want to talk to her.

I wasn't

I don't want to make an appointment.

I just, uh

I want to come back to school.

You're looking to enroll in classes here?

Yes, yes. Yeah, I am.

Okay. Then come with me,

and I'll get you figured out.

Hey, Dolores.

c**t face.

What's up?

I worked this block

a long time,

and I ain't never seen

a line out the door

for those shitty little empanadas

your boy makes.

He changed up the recipe.

- Oh, is that right?

- Look, I don't know

- what you're asking, but he's

- I made it very clear

that this is my turf,

and you turn around

and start selling to my customer base?

Ugh, girl, I ain't selling

anything, all right?

I'm giving massages.

I've seen nine of my regulars coming in

- and out of there.

- You think this is a drug front?

Nine regulars that I

haven't seen in weeks.

Look, I just spent 16 years

in prison for selling,

why the f*ck would I do that sh*t again?

Because nobody else'll

hire you, "Magic Hands."

I'm going back to school.

What, so you can get a job in a office

and start shopping at Chico's and sh*t?

Maybe.

Dolores Roach in a

pencil skirt and heels.

I could see it.

Look, we got off on the wrong foot,

but I'm telling you,

I'm a masseuse for real,

and if you don't believe me,

come downstairs

and let me show you.

Oh, what, you're gonna

give me a tour now?

No, better. I'm gonna

give you a massage.

Come on.

No more Muy Loco today.

All sold out, sorry.

So, if you want to go ahead,

you can undress to the level of

your comfort.

All right, uh

I have, um

aromatherapy candles,

I have ambient noise, you want any of

Give me the works.

All right.

So, where'd you learn how to massage?

My girl

in prison, Tabitha.

Mm.

She was a masseuse on the outside,

but she couldn't do it anymore,

so she taught me.

And why couldn't she do it anymore?

She got her hands cut off.

She did not.

She got her hands cut off, absolutely.

So, you trained in prison

- with a handless masseuse?

- Yeah.

I sure did.

Huh.

And, uh, you like doing it?

Uh yeah, I do.

I do. I think it

it might just be my ticket out of here.

I love a woman with ambition.

Mm.

And where you looking to get out to?

I don't know.

I love New York,

but I want to get out of the city,

you know, eventually.

- Mm-hmm.

- Not far, just somewhere with space,

you know? Peace, simplicity.

Maybe Jersey?

You can get to Jersey with bus fare.

Those hands

get you a lot farther than that.

Get you a lot farther with me.

Mm.

I'm no eme with no hands,

but I'd be damn lucky to

have somebody talented

and beautiful like you around.

Excuse me for a minute.

I've slept with exactly two people

in the last 20 years

Fresh start, right?

What are you doing?

I don't give a f*ck

what tricks you learned

from some d*ke in prison,

I'm not new. Where are the dr*gs?

There are no dr*gs, I told you.

I showed you.

Oh, you got them hiding here?

Hiding in plain sight, huh?

Why do you think that's where

What are you doing?

No, not my table!

What are you doing? No!

Just because Dominic

dipped out on you like some snitch

doesn't mean you're

free to take his place.

What are you talking about?

Dominic didn't snitch on anyone.

Oh you really don't know.

What?

Dominic set you up, sweetness.

He No. No.

- No?

- No, he didn't.

Well, what do you think happened?

I think we got busted.

I got busted, you know

because I was the one there.

People get busted.

- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

- Okay, and then

he had to go hide somewhere,

lay low, or do because

he knew that

Yeah, obviously, obviously,

he abandoned me,

but he didn't set me up.

Bitch, I was there.

The feds were closing in,

somebody had to go down,

and it sure as sh*t wasn't gonna be him.

He knew your gullible,

lovesick ass would do

the time for him

Which you did and he let you.

He let you rot for him.

He was a piece of sh*t, he really was.

Decent f*ck, though.

You slept with Dominic?

Me and half the b*tches

in Washington Heights.

Wh I mean,

he didn't seem to be

satisfied at home, so

It was a lie. It was all a lie.

What the f*ck is this sh*t?

Is this a vision board?

Is this Jersey? Your house in Jersey?

Let me see.

And that's supposed to be Dominic.

You giving him a massage?

"Make it happen."

Oh, sh*t, I almost forgot.

Thank you for the rub.

Aw

Bitch! You bit my arm.

c**t face.

You're f*cking crazy.

Okay.

Okay, okay, hold on.

Tabitha said to wrap your right arm

around a neck from behind.

And if you can't snap the neck on your feet,

all you got to do is

fall.

He set me up.

He set me up.

How could I not have known?

He set me up.

So, my empanadas,

you can't find empanadas like

this anywhere else in the world,

but at the same time, they

are universal. 'Cause I

am a firm believer that

you are what you eat.

I really do mean that. Oh, hey,

look who it is.

Yo, man, you got to interview Dolores.

She has a very interesting story.

Really? I'm always in the market

for an interesting story.

W-Why would you interview us?

Well, I have this podcast

where I shine a light

on hidden New York gems

that I've discovered.

New York, New Gems.

Is that a Don't know

if you've heard of it.

Anyway, Empanada Loco is perfecto.

My listeners'll eat this place up.

See, I got to drum up

business any way I can

because someone decided to

contaminate the last of my

Uh, of the one cut I like.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, about that, uh

Uh, your new butcher called,

and a new shipment

came in a little while ago,

and I brought it downstairs

for your safekeeping.

It's waiting for you.

My friend, my friend,

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you

for a rain check while I

go handle this new supply.

You mind if we continue

our chat in the morning?

Oh, not a problem. I'm right upstairs.

It's a beautiful day.

I'm gonna go for a little walk.

Thank you, Dolores. I love you!

Oh, for f*ck's sake.

- Oh, hey, D.

- Yeah?

Do you want Jonah to

look at that broken step

- that's still giving you trouble

- No.

- Um, no. No.

- Oh.

Uh, I got it under control.

I'm gonna fix it.

I'm-a go right now and

get some stuff to fix it.

I don't want you to go downstairs.

I don't want you to hurt yourself.

Okay

I'm going back to prison.

Hey, Dolores, you got a sec?

Actually, I don't.

I really have to go

Just a quick question, I promise.

- All right. Uh-huh?

- I promise. Uh

Luis cheating on me?

He got all this new business,

but he ordering less and less meat.

Oh, f*ck.

I I don't know. I think he said he

he has a new butcher. I-I-I don't know.

Wow

Wow, does loyalty count

for nothing these days?

Yeah, probably not. I-I got to go.

I just I There's

somebody I have to

Yeah, no, go. I mean,

I got some more questions

but no, go.

Oh, God, I'm going back to prison.

I'm going back to prison.

I'm going back to prison.

I'm gonna go back to prison.

He got questions.

Yeah, I got questions, too.

Was that cocksucker m*therf*cker

cheating on me the entire time?

Were the happiest five

years of my life a lie?

Maybe I did know he set me up.

I mean, of course I f*cking knew,

but I couldn't even let myself think it

because he knew I would protect him.

He knew that. I was the one

he could throw under the bus.

I was the sacrifice.

I still f*cking am, and I still will be

until I put an end to this myself.

Until I put an end to him.

sh*t, I missed this bitch.

Oh, you're not dead?

I hadn't heard from you.

I started to wonder.

How's the land of the free?

You were right.

He wasn't there.

I don't know where he is.

He set me up.

Yeah. I know that.

Did you not know that?

So, then, what are you

or where-where are you

Just with an old friend.

He runs an empanada shop that

that empanada shop

- that I loved, right?

- Just renting a room

in his basement, and, um,

I'm giving massages for cash.

- Massages?

- Yeah.

So, I guess your time with

me wasn't a complete wash.

I used everything you taught me.

- That's nice.

- No.

I mean everything

you taught me.

Everything?

Everything.

Who?

It's not important.

So, you

I can't believe I'm asking you this,

but, um,

you remember you said you had

a friend with a side business?

sh*t, I don't remember

her name. She, uh

Um

She finds people who

don't want to get found.

Oh.

No, absolutely not.

Please, Tabitha.

You're gonna wind up right back here

if you go down that road.

I'm gonna wind up here if I don't.

Here, or worse.

If I help you find him

what are you gonna do,

take him to lunch?

No.

I'm gonna put his ass

on the f*cking menu.