01x07 - Bye, Felicia

[bunniefuu]

[DOOR BELLS JINGLE]

So, where we meeting 'em?

[LUIS] Kane 'n Abel's Pizza.

A few blocks from here.

I checked 'em out

after the Gideon thing.

- Mm-hmm.

- Get this, they use duck fat

in their crust.

Yo, I know, right?

We got to check them out 'cause

maybe I can do the same thing

- with the f*ck fat in my dough.

- With the what?

You know, dead Fatfuck's fat.

- Not duck fat, f*ck fat.

- Okay, shut up.

What the f*ck is wrong with you?

Why is everything a f*cking joke to you?

It's not a joke.

It's, like, a genius idea.

Gives all my crust that special flavor,

even the vegetarian.

We're supposed to be

getting out, all right? Not

And that's what we're gonna do,

but we're not gonna do it tonight,

you know, I thought

I thought he was gonna bring the check

- when we met them for pizza?

- He is, he is,

but I got to use up

all that meat we got.

That you got me.

- Then, we'll be gone.

- [SIGHS]

- Mami, chill.

- [SIGHS]

Cálmate, okay?

Pretty soon we're gonna

be in our very own

little witness protection situation.

Poof. We're gone.

[DOLORES] Like Dominic.

[HORN HONKS]

Yo, Dolores.

Oh, hey, Jeremiah. Hi.

What's up? How you doing?

[DOLORES] I ain't blinking,

man. Move on.

Oh, Jeremiah, get my order?

Back to the usual count of pork butt,

short rib, chicken thighs.

- We Gucci?

- Oh, we Gucci. We real Gucci.

But what is "goodness" but salvation

which comes in stratiform clouds?

- Because

- All right, Jeremiah, we got to go.

[JEREMIAH] Because what

are stratiform clouds

other than a proof of

our existence in the sky?

Which means we are all

each everywhere.

- All right, that's cool. Bye.

- Cool.

- Bye.

- Have a good one.

[DOLORES] Bye, Jeremiah.

He knows, Luis. I told you, man.

Look, no one's gonna believe him.

The dude's more nuts than a

Bellevue full of squirrels.

Yeah, but we're about two

minutes away from somebody

who isn't f*cking nuts figuring it out,

- so don't get cocky.

- I'm not.

Hey, D. It's giving double date.

It's giving double date.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Look at my hair.

Don't we look cute? Take a picture.

[JONAH] But nothing about

your empanadas,

the-the artisanal qualities,

your personal flair, the subtleties,

none of that will change.

Okay? I-I believe craftsmanship

and profit can coexist.

Hmm, he is so smart, isn't he?

And in the meantime

Listen, I'm a, I'm a little short,

but I cashed out my life savings, okay?

That's a five percent down payment.

Whoa, whoa, bro, 15K?

I thought we said 300.

- I know, I know

- What, you think my legacy

- is worth $15,000?

- 15K is your life savings?

Wait, he can explain.

Look, The-The Property Group funds

are all in my dad's name.

[LUIS] Bro, I used to smoke

up with kids like you

in Greenpoint all the time, papa.

You ain't got, like, a trust?

Yeah.

Well, I haven't heard from

my dad since last week

It's been so upsetting.

[JONAH] I-I need both

my parents to sign off

on accessing my trust.

Just forge the signature.

I can't forge a signature

for-for this kind of withdrawal.

I mean, it involves

fingerprints, a notary.

- [NELLIE] A notary, Luis.

- [JONAH] Yeah.

Hey, I-I got this, guys, okay?

- It's my mom's card.

- Ooh.

- [SERVER] Great, thanks.

- [LUIS] So, wait, wait, wait,

we just got to wait

for your dad

to resurface?

[JONAH] I mean, I

I can't get you more

than this until he does.

But, look, my lawyers

are gonna have to draw

up the contract anyway,

and-and they don't work

for me, they work for him.

We can't wait for you.

I can't wait for your

lawyer or your dad.

- What's the rush? If we just

- [LUIS] Do you know how painful

this is for me?

It's like selling a part of myself, man.

And, I mean, I want to do it.

I want to grow the business,

like we talked about,

but if we got to string

this along, then [SCOFFS]

Nah, man.

Nah.

No, forget it.

But there's nothing else I can do.

What about the rent?

Well, the-the rent will be

absorbed into the buyout.

No, I mean, while your dad's gone,

somebody's collecting rent on

all your properties, right?

- Of course, yeah.

- All right, so who's in control of that?

- Right now, me.

- He's the boss with the sauce.

- [LAUGHS]

- Okay, so just

pay this from the rent, and then,

when your dad gets back,

reimburse him from your trust.

[NELLIE] That's a great idea, D.

Use the-the gross rent revenues?

- Yeah.

- Um

That-That's not really

technically available to me.

I just, I just handle it.

Okay, I got to be honest, Jonah,

either we close this deal tonight,

or we look for another buyer

now that there's interest.

You decide.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Look, I-I'd have to wait

till first of the month.

- That's when the rents are due.

- [DOLORES] We can do that.

- End of the week. We can wait for that.

- Yeah, that's cool.

- Okay.

- Yes.

Okay, deal. Um You'll have the money

by E.O.D. on the first.

Cashier's check.

[JONAH] Yes, yes, cashier's check.

To Empanada Loca and its legacy.

[ALL] Salud.

[DOLORES] This sh*t is good, Luis.

You really grew this yourself?

Yeah, kinda.

'Cause I figure it's all

gonna be federally legal

in like five seconds anyway,

and no one deserves to profit off it

- more than you.

- I don't get it.

If you got it covered up,

why not just grow it inside?

'Cause it's not legal yet, D, you know.

I can't have that kind

of incriminating sh*t

inside my f*cking apartment.

Oh, but you got chopped-up

bodies downstairs.

You draw the line there?

Ah.

So

we are gonna take that

Pearlman money [GRUNTS]

and we gonna buy

ourselves a little casita

in Vermont.

No, no, no, Luis, not Vermont.

Isn't it, like, 95% white?

Right? I thought you said

we were gonna blend in

like witness protection,

that's what you said.

All right, all right, not Vermont.

I don't want Lyme disease anyway.

Uh [BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Oh Colorado.

We can grow some weed,

open up a dispensary

and a spa in the middle of a strip mall

between a Kohl's and

a church. Fresh start.

[NELLIE AND JONAH LAUGHING,

TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

Who do you want to be in your new life?

I've been thinking about

what I want my name to be.

Uh Felicia.

Okay, you want your name to be Felicia,

- that's weird, but okay.

- No, no, no, no, you gonna be Felicia.

- What?

- See, look. Check it out.

Listen. Ohio still

laminates their licenses.

I made these this morning.

This is how we're gonna

open up the new account.

Dolores is a beautiful name,

but it means sorrow.

And I can't have you sad no more.

Felicia means happy.

- You really had to use my mugshot?

- Mm.

Everything that girl

wanted 16 years ago

Yeah, super f*cking naive.

Jesus, I don't want to see this.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

- No, take it.

No, no, no, no,

'cause now she gonna get it all.

You deserve

a real nice, happy life, Felicia Rocha.

[DOLORES] He's an idiot,

but I believe him.

Who you gonna be?

Check it out.

[CHUCKLES]

What the f*ck, man?

What kind of stupid-ass name

is Hector Pector, you idiot?

- That's Fatfuck's name.

- No, it isn't.

Yes, it is. It was on his license.

- No, it isn't.

- Yeah, all I do

- is change the picture.

- Okay, but you don't even know

- if he has a-a record

- Damn, mami.

or a warrant out for his arrest.

I can't do anything right with you.

Well, apparently, you cannot.

This a stupid-ass f*cking name.

No, no, listen, listen, listen.

I'm not gonna let you push

me away no more, okay?

And I know you trying to do that because

you've been hurt. Hmm?

Okay, I didn't go to college

or nothing like that,

but I love you. Hmm?

I love you.

And I'm not going anywhere, except

on a Greyhound bus to

Colorado with my girl Felicia.

[NELLIE] Dolores, help! Luis!

- There's so much blood!

- What was that?

- [SOPHIA SCREAMING]

- What the hell?

- That had better be a sea lion.

- Nellie, we're here.

[SOPHIA CONTINUES SCREAMING]

[DOLORES] Okay. Oh, God.

Oh, my God, what happened?

- Uh

- I fell.

- I'm gonna call 911.

- Ugh.

I was drawing the bath,

and all of a sudden there's

greasy blood pumping out of the drain.

I think I dislocated my leg.

Wait, that's-that's not your blood?

[SOPHIA] You think I'd

still be alive if I bled out

like this? It's those

freaking pipes. You

you don't fix nothing in this house.

You take the money, and you

Doña Sophia, it's fine.

Just relax, just relax.

The same thing has been

happening in my bathroom

all morning. I've called your

office oh, I don't know

- Ten times.

- Blood in the pipes?

How?

- You know what? I'm calling 311.

- I know my tenants' rights.

- No, no, no.

Please, please, don't do that.

I'll-I'll-I'll take care of it.

No, no, check it out. I-I know a bunch

of plumbing sh*t when

my dad was super here.

You know, let me take care of

it before you make that call.

- Okay.

- Thanks, bud.

Uh, no problem.

They're coming, girl, they're

coming, they're coming.

No, no, they steal my things.

- Uh, what things?

- No, my things.

- It's all garbage.

- Okay.

Doña Sophia, I get it, I get it.

You don't want anyone

in your space. I get that, okay?

So here's what we're gonna do.

Very carefully, we're gonna get you up.

I haven't left the building in in

- [NELLIE] Four years, Grandma.

- [CRYING] I can't leave.

- I can't leave.

- [DOLORES] Yes.

Yes, you can, okay?

I know what it feels like

when you think your space

is the only safe space in the world.

What if I told you we

won't let anyone in?

Okay? Will you trust me?

Okay.

- Okay. Okay, all right.

- Yeah?

- Okay, guys, come on

- Help me up, help me up.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I'll bring the paramedics up.

I'm not getting involved in anything.

- Okay, okay.

- [SCREAMS]

- Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- What? What?

My oxygen.

Don't worry, Doña Sophia,

they got plenty of oxygen

at the hospital, all right?

A-And my romance novel,

- the one I'm halfway through.

- Uh-huh.

- [WINCES] My Heart So Wild.

- Okay.

We'll make sure that we have somebody

- bring it for you, all right?

- Okay,

is anybody gonna do anything

about the blood in my bathroom?

- Nope. We're gonna leave it right there.

- [LAUGHING]

- ¡Ay, Dios mío! ¡Ay, Dios mío!

- [DOLORES] Okay.

- You're riding along?

- Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, and the nice nice ex-con, too.

- Just breathe, just breathe.

- [SOPHIA EXCLAIMING IN SPANISH]

- [WAILING]

- Just breathe.

If anyone calls 311,

if Jonah calls his plumber

Ah, don't worry,

don't worry, D. I got it.

- Don't worry about a thing.

- Okay.

[PARAMEDIC] Ready? Here we go.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[TV HOST] And we're going for an

[SOPHIA] I miss MASH.

Where can I find my MASH? [LAUGHING]

[NELLIE] Uh, how much

fentanyl they give you?

I need coffee.

I'll get it. Stay with your abuela.

[NELLIE] No, no, no, no, it's fine.

- You want anything?

- No, I'm good. Thanks.

[MOANS CONTENTLY]

You're not as much of a

puta sucia as I thought.

You're not as much of a

vieja pendeja as I thought.

[LAUGHS, COUGHS]

- You okay?

- Mm. [LAUGHS]

I'm sorry I was [SIGHS]

I'm not used to people

knocking on my door anymore.

I get it.

If I could lock myself in that basement

and never leave,

I would.

What'd you want anyway?

Ugh I-I It's so stupid now.

I I just thought

maybe you knew where Dominic is.

[LAUGHS]

Ferret-faced ladies' man? [LAUGHING]

[CHITTERS]

Nah. [COUGHS] Little sh*t.

He didn't even tell his abuela Elena

where he was at,

just sent a Christmas

present once a year.

No return address, huh?

The young lady who talk funny

dropped things off for him.

- Talked funny? How?

- You know

'Allo, mate. [LAUGHS]

[COUGHS]

- Like British?

- No, no, more like

Crocodile Dundee.

[LAUGHS]

- Australian?

- Yeah, that was it.

If he was trying to be low-key,

why'd he send a white

girl with an accent

to deliver presents a-and

money to an old Dominican?

It ain't exactly under

the radar. [LAUGHS]

[DOLORES] Dominic with

some Australian white girl?

He barely left the g*dd*mn

Heights. Unless

Georgie used to buy weed from Dominic.

She's the one who introduced us.

What are the odds?

Was her name Georgie?

[SNORES]

[DOLORES] Professor Dundee

fights for people

wrongly imprisoned.

Maybe she never fought for me

'cause she was too busy with Dominic.

What are the odds?

[DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN]

Dolores Roach? [CHUCKLES]

Georgie.

[DOLORES] What am I doing here?

God, what are you,

what are you doing here?

I thought that you were

I mean, I heard that y-you were

I was. I was in, uh, prison.

Uh, just got out a few weeks ago.

Wow.

- Well, I

- I was wondering

- Can we talk?

- I was just leaving,

unfortunately, but rain check?

Are you still in your old neighborhood?

Just only for a few more days.

You don't have, like,

a half hour you can spare?

I, actually I would, but

I have to go meet my kid.

I'm sorry.

Oh, wow. You got a kid?

- Oh, yeah, we don't need to talk about

- How old?

- We don't have to do all that. It's okay.

- Why?

- No, it's

- Why? It's okay.

Oh

Walk me to the train.

- Okay.

- Okay. [CHUCKLES]

Dolores, I

I haven't been in touch

with Dominic since, I mean

probably that night uptown

right when you moved in with him,

after your father's funeral.

That was 20 years ago.

Once I stopped smoking pot, he, I guess,

didn't have much use

for me. I think that's

all I meant to him, really.

But then who else could it be?

You know, I mean, it's

not like he had a ton

of white girlfriends with accents.

- [SCOFFS]

- What?

Oh, well I didn't see you very much

after that either, did I?

Once you were in his world.

We were so close, and then we weren't

close, and, you know,

that's fine, that's life,

but how would I know

who he was friends with

or not friends with?

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right, I guess, you know.

People drift.

And didn't you say that

lady was on fentanyl?

That's the stuff that k*lled Prince.

[SIGHS] Yeah, she must not have

- I'm sorry.

- Oh.

I thought of you when Prince d*ed.

How pissed you were at

me that I'd scratched

your Purple Rain CD,

and it kept skipping

at that one song. [LAUGHS]

And I wondered where you

were at that moment. I did.

Same place I was at

for 16 years, Georgie.

Yeah, okay, I know that. I just

I wanted to reach out to you, but

But?

Well it was uncomfortable.

Oh, wow, I'm so sorry

that my prison sentence

- was uncomfortable for you.

- No, I mean,

I didn't even know whether

you wanted to hear from me,

or whether we were friends, or

You know, the other day, I came here,

and I thought I didn't say hi to you

because I was embarrassed

- Don't be embarrassed

- No, stop.

Please let me finish, please.

Now I know I didn't say hi

because I wanted you to eat sh*t.

That entire time I was rotting

in a cell,

you were making a living

off of pretending to be

a champion for people

just like me, but you

ignored your own friend

when she needed you the most.

- Go f*ck yourself, Georgie.

- Mm-hmm.

There it is. That's it. That is why.

Where is it? What is it?

What is it? Why?

People drift?

f*ck, you're mean.

You always were to me.

Oh, God, I'm not the only

person who "drifted" from you.

Who's the common denominator, Dolores?

[DOLORES] Mean? I'm sort of getting

used to "serial k*ller," but mean?

Oh, what the f*ck

happened here?

No, the-the shitty A/C,

it crapped out.

Temperature rose, ice melted,

so all this sh*t slid into the pipes,

- clogged everything up.

- [GROANS]

[DOLORES] Why are you

putting it on ice, man?

Just throw that sh*t in

the river already.

'Cause this is valuable

meat, mami. All right?

Listen, we probably got,

like, a week left

before we got to get out of here.

So all of a sudden we

stop selling Muy Loco

and Muy Loca, you don't think

people are gonna notice?

Especially Jonah? Nah, we

got to keep business strong

if we're gonna get that

white boy's cash, mami.

[DOLORES] It's scary when

he starts to make sense.

[LUIS STRAINING]

- Where you gonna put all this now?

- I'll figure it out.

You want to give me a hand?

But, Luis, anyone can

walk in and find this.

Who anybody?

Health inspector ain't

coming back anytime soon.

Got an A-minus. Nellie laughs in my face

every time I try to get

her to come in here.

I'll just lock up overnight,

I'll fix the A/C,

and I'll move all this sh*t

back down there tomorrow.

Really? You still need that?

The guanciale I'm making

from his cheeks? [SCOFFS]

You can't even get

sh*t that good in Rome.

[DOLORES] Oh, Jesus.

Yo, you all right, D?

If you gonna puke,

you got to get out of here.

- No, I'm not gonna

- Food prep, food prep, come on.

Yes, I know, I know.

I'm not, I'm not puking.

I'm just fried.

[CHUCKLES] "Fried."

- You're a jackass, you know that?

- Oh, yeah, I get it.

It seemed like you were

with Sophia for a long time.

Yeah.

I, uh, called the hospital.

They said that visiting

hours ended a while ago.

And that Nellie and Jonah,

they got back here

around an hour and a half ago.

Went to see an old friend.

I thought you didn't know

nobody else around here anymore.

[DOLORES] I didn't think I did.

So, then, who was it?

Luis am I mean?

Do you want to be mean?

No, no.

I mean, you did just call me a jackass,

like, 30 seconds ago, so

Yeah, I'm sorry about

that. I did. Sorry.

No, no. It's okay.

I am a jackass.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I went to go see this

this white girl that used

to be my friend in college.

She's the one that introduced me

to Dominic in the first place.

He used to be our weed dealer.

And I know, I know it's psychotic

that I can't get over

this, I know it is.

No. I-I get it.

Yeah, some things just eat away at us.

No, but I don't want to be this way.

I don't want to be haunted

by some m*therf*cker

who f*cked my life apart.

I don't. I really, real I don't.

I know.

I've k*lled four people, Luis.

Three with my bare hands.

And I've never felt

so crazy or so ashamed

as when she said

And then I have you,

and you're so, so

I mean, look at what you've done for me.

Look at what you're doing for us.

Giving up this place, your shop.

And I know how much you love this place.

So that's it, I'm done.

I swear to I'm done, man.

No more. No more Dominic.

Okay.

It's just you and me, man. Okay?

Okay?

Good.

It's just you and me.

[BOTH MOANING]

Luis, just f*ck me, okay?

Just f*ck me.

- No, no, no.

- Just f*ck me. Why not?

Not here. Not here, not here.

[DOLORES] This guy's done

everything for me

except one f*cking thing.

Luis, I got my period, so just

So?

So if you don't want to

do that, just f*ck me.

I-I do, I do want to do that.

[DOLORES] f*cking cannibal.

Dolores, this is as close

as I can be to you.

- I want you inside me.

- I want you inside of me.

- No, Dolores. Dolores.

- Come on, f*ck me. f*ck me.

- Dolores.

- f*ck me like a man. f*ck me.

f*ck me!

- Stop, stop! Stop!

- Wha-What are you Ah!

My God, what is that? What

[PANTING]

Yo, I What, what

I told you not to

I told you not to do that!

- Why did you do that?

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- I said not to f*cking do that!

- Sorry.

- [LUIS GRUNTS]

- I'm sorry.

[LUIS PANTING]

Okay. Okay, okay.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

I'm I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- No, don't be, don't be sorry. I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

- I'm sorry that I did that.

I'm sorry, okay? It's my fault.

Forgive me, please,

- I'm sorry.

- No, it's okay.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Did someone do that to you?

Oh, uh, there was an accident,

and it, and it healed wrong.

What kind of accident?

When I was 12

this girl she really liked me,

and, uh, and it ended.

A girl did that to you?

[INHALES, EXHALES SHARPLY]

- A woman.

- A woman?

When you were 12? Who?

A teacher? A coach? Who did that?

My father's girlfriend.

Your father's girlfriend

did that to you?

Nah, nah, she-she didn't, um

It was a result of the relationship.

It wasn't a relationship, Luis.

It really wasn't if you were 12.

No, no, no, no, but I-I'm

okay with it, I'm okay with it.

I'm okay with it. I am, you know.

'Cause I didn't even I didn't

even know, like, it was wrong.

Right? And, like, whatever.

It was a long time ago,

you know, whatever.

- f*ck it. f*ck her, right?

- Right.

Did you ever tell anyone?

My dad. Uh, he, he found out.

Then she left.

She left him.

And they were together, like, ten years,

and, uh, he really loved her.

He really especially after

my mom left us.

And I-I f*cked it up for him.

No, you didn't f*ck it up.

- That's not true, Luis.

- No, I did. I caused it.

You didn't f*ck it up. It wasn't you.

Of course I did, of course I did.

I-I f*cking [PANTING]

I broke apart my family, our family.

A-And because of that, I-I

[PANTING] I, um

I tried to, you know

I tried to cut it off.

'Cause it was the whole,

the whole thing, you know.

The whole problem was, like,

I, like, f*cking enjoyed it and sh*t.

I tried to do it with

a Kn*fe, and, um

I

♪

[SOBS] I really couldn't cut through it.

I couldn't cut through it,

and, and I

and I was bleeding so much,

and I was gonna pass out

before I could finish it.

So I took a ladle of

hot oil from the fryer,

and I just poured it all down.

[SOBBING]

Oh, I'm a f*cking f*cking freak.

Oh, God!

[SOBBING]

We've both been b*rned, Luis.

We both got scars.

You ain't got nothing to be ashamed of.

[SOBBING]

I want to taste you, mami.

Okay.

[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]

[DOLORES] Who can sleep

between the blood in the water,

and Sophia and Dominic

and Georgie, and Luis's accident,

and our escape so close?

[JONAH] I haven't had

this kind of energy

since Rebecca Weiner let me feel her up

after her bat mitzvah.

[NELLIE LAUGHS]

Do I need to pull up on Rebecca Weiner?

[JONAH] Definitely not, no.

Can I kiss you again?

[NELLIE] Yes.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[JONAH] Can I stay with you tonight?

Just for support. I'll stay

in the living room.

[NELLIE] Have you seen the living room?

[JONAH] I just want you to feel safe.

[DOLORES] Maybe he'll come through.

Maybe he and Nellie will

run the shop together.

Maybe we'll make it out of this okay.

What are the odds?

[BIRDS SINGING]

[DOOR BELLS JINGLE OVERHEAD]

[FOOTSTEPS]

[DOLORES] Somebody's upstairs.

[WHISKING]

[DOLORES] Hey.

You don't own the place yet.

Oh, I'm sorry. Is this okay?

Um, I-I wanted to surprise Nellie

with breakfast in bed,

but her kitchen up there

- I know.

- Yeah.

I've seen people store

things in their ovens,

but not usually their microwaves, too.

I like that you're invested.

I like that Nellie's happy, seriously.

So do I.

[DOLORES] Yeah, what are the odds?

♪

- [SNIFFING]

- [FREEZER DOOR OPENS]

[DOLORES] I swear that was locked!

Jonah

You.

[NECK SNAPS]

[DOLORES] Bye, Felicia.

[MITRE: "LA CUCARACHA" ♪]