01x20 - The Sentry

[bunniefuu]

This is one story I may
not get to file in person,

so I'll have to talk fast
because it's after me.

Claustrophobia has long been
a part of the human experience,

from the Cro-Magnon
all the way up to Freud.

So if you ever happen to find yourself
underground, and I mean deep underground,

don't linger in the shadows.

April , : p.m.

Dr. James Verhyden,
three Ph.D.'s in geology...

and well-known seismic expert,

was poking around
in an undeveloped tunnel...

of the underground Merrymount
Archive mine complex.

Verhyden knew instantly he had
found something extraordinary.

So did his tool packer,
Howard Kimper.

Howard, hand me the pick.

Power, can you get it up?

Howard Kimper was a good worker.
He did what he was told.

At least that's what people
would say about him at his funeral.

: a.m., one day after
the death of Howard Kimper,

in the same underground
complex, only this time Sector "M."

Business as usual, all except for
journeyman electrician Larry Coogan.

Coogan had complained to his friends that
he didn't like working so far underground.

He said it felt like
working a tomb.

Today he would learn
how right he was.

Detective in charge of the case
was Lieutenant Irene Lamont.

She was a fast riser, a one-woman
phenomenon of the Chicago P.D.

Her detractors said
Irene's success was owed...

only to her looks
and her alluring femininity.

Her supporters were usually
too moonstruck to say anything.

Lieutenant Lamont, why are you
holding back details on this death?

Lieutenant?
Oh, Brian, why so formal?

Well, Irene, it's just the department's
attitude is hard to understand on this.

You haven't answered the man's
question yet, Lieutenant.

Just what is the police
department's involvement...

with routine industrial
accidents anyway?

Routine investigation, Ed.

Everything's routine around here,
Lieutenant. You're getting in a rut.

Oh, not me, Carl.
No, speak for yourself.

Hey, listen, fellas. My desk
is piled high with work in there.

If I don't get to it, they're
gonna boot me back to Traffic.

Now would you really
want that to happen?

Hate to see you back in uniform,
if that's what you mean, Irene.

Thanks, Ed.

Oh, you... you schnooks.

Hey, ease up on her, Kolchak.
She's just doing her job.

Yeah, sure, yeah.
So was Adolf Eichmann.

Listen, Kolchak. I'd like
to take the lady out.

You do anything to bring
her down on reporters,

- you'll have to send away for mail-order teeth.
- You dummy.

- Dum-dums. Dum-dums.
- Mm-hmm.

All right, Lieutenant,
let's talk turkey. Now...

- Carl, I like ya.
- I really do.

I mean, I like your style.
I like your savoir faire.

I like your directness, the
way you take over a situation.

- I even like the way you dress.
- Yeah, yeah, okay, but?

- But we've got nothing to talk about.
- Okay, Irene.

I like you too.

I like your nose and your eyes and
your earlobes and all of that. Okay?

So, now because we like
each other so much,

why don't you elucidate
the rumor that I have heard...

about you not allowing the
relatives to identify the bodies.

There you go. You see, that's
how rumors get started.

Now, in fact, we had identified the
bodies from the I.D. they were carrying.

We didn't forbid the relatives
from seeing the bodies.

It's just that they were, well,
they were so badly m*nled...

that we thought we would, well,
save them all that misery and anguish.

Yeah.

Why haven't you told us anything about the way
they were k*lled or what the accidents were?

Carl, when you're dealing with the
Merrymount Archive Corporation...

- Yeah?
- Well, there are very special problems.

I mean, they store
corporate records.

- They even store records for the federal government.
- Uh-huh.

I mean, now we are just following
ordinary security precautions.

Oh. Well, what ordinary security
precautions? What? Whose?

Carl, I really am terribly busy,
and I can't go into it now.

I have an awful lot
of things to do.

Yeah, right, you're gonna be late for
the autopsy report on the electrician.

- Right?
- Right.

Carl!

Autopsy on Lawrence Earl Coogan.

Conducted by Lamar Beckwith.
Assisted by Drs. Gordon, Phillips.

Dr., uh...

Uh, Kolchakovsky.

I am new here. I just
transferred from Interlaken.

I was... told to come down
and observe your procedures.

- Doctor, why are you wearing a mask?
- I have a cold.

- Please step back a little. I'm very susceptible.
- Yes, of course. Certainly.

Length of body, inches
and three-quarters.

Well, it looks like our dear
coroner wants a little privacy.

Mm. Just like
the first man.

- Deep puncture marks, like... like teeth.
- Teeth. Did you say teeth?

Yes, teeth. And not
dog's teeth either.

These teeth marks are not
those of a mammal but of a reptile.

This man was bitten to death
by a crocodile?

Well, it's Wednesday. I think I'll go out on
the golf course and hit a bucket of balls.

Thank you, gentlemen,
for your assistance.

Merrymount Archive
Incorporated...

was really two miles below the welcome mat.

Acre upon acre of
underground storage vaults,

packed with computer tapes bearing
corporate records from three continents.

"Preservation through
perpetuity" was the company motto.

Uh, excuse me.
Can I help you, sir?

Well, I certainly hope so, yes. My company's
interested in leasing storage space here.

How soon could I get an estimate? I've
gotta catch the : plane for Winnipeg.

Well, we can see to it that you catch
that big bird with plenty of time to spare.

- Splendid.
- I'm Jack Flaherty.

- I'm the vice president and general sales manager.
- Uh-huh.

What did you say
the name of your firm was?

International
Nickel Syndicate.

- I.N.S. It's Carl Kolchak.
- I don't think I've ever heard of that firm.

Well, we're a new, young, growing
cartel. I just got in from Santiago.

Well, precious metals do command
quite a bit of respect these days.

Yes, yes.
Aren't we going down?

Oh, well, I'll tell you, Mr. Kolchak.
This is a very bad day for us.

You see, we're opening up
a new sector, and it's quite...

Jack, I said I'm in a very big rush. I
told you I just got in from Santiago.

I've gotta get up to Winnipeg, and
then I go on from there to Hangzhou,

and then back to Albuquerque.

Yes, but I'll tell you, Mr. Kolchak.
I can give you an estimate.

You see? And then you could
see the facilities another time.

Well, there is no other time,
unfortunately, you see.

It doesn't matter though. You gotta
break eggs in order to make an omelet.

Come on, Jack.

You better brace yourself.

We're descending at the rate of
feet per second, Mr. Kolchak.

Uh, Carl, Carl. Don't tell me,
tell my stomach, Mr. Flaherty.

- Oh, you can call me Jack.
- Jack? Jack.

Well, you'll be glad to know we've reached
the ,-foot level. We're decelerating.

- Ten thousand feet.
- Mm.

You know, the services that we
can offer you, Carl, are quite varied.

- Huh.
- You see, we have the conventional microdot storage.

- Mm-hmm.
- And the magnetic tape in our computer banks.

We even have the more advanced
space-saving magnetic disks.

Oh, really. That's terrific.
We can use all of it. All of it.

All right. Oh.

You'll find our facilities here
are quakeproof, floodproof...

and could even withstand
nuclear holocausts.

Oh, yeah, you mean when
everything turns to glass upstairs,

Ma Bell will still be able to tell
us what our phone bill is, huh?

That's right.

- Well, Mr. Flaherty, how do you like it, huh?
- Like what, Chapman?

Oh, you haven't answered
your phone messages lately, huh?

Well, when you do, you'll find there's
a call in from our union liaison man.

Look, me and my men ain't
gonna work down in this place...

the way things have been going
on, unless we get extra compensation.

That's fine, Chapman, but I don't
think that this is the time or the place...

to discuss
union-management relations.

Yeah, that's fine. Wait till you
hear our package of demands.

- It's this recession. It's got everybody in a bad mood.
- What recession?

That looks like Kolchak's
yellow submarine.

Come on.

Did a guy come in here wearing
a seersucker suit with red hair?

There was a Mr. Kolchak. I believe
he was with a nickel firm in New Mexico.

He's got nothing to do with nickel. He's
the proverbial bad penny. Now, where is he?

You name it, we store it.
Everything from the family jewels...

to corporate tax records
to private property deeds.

And it's all handled
in the strictest of confidence.

Yeah, speaking of confidence, uh, I
heard you had a little trouble down here.

Oh, yes, very unfortunate.

However, I'm not at liberty to discuss
it. You know, insurance regulations.

Yeah, but I hear a man was
k*lled. I mean, mauled badly.

Yes, well, in an operation
of this sort, Carl,

one has to expect one or two
industrial accidents.

Yes, of course, certainly.
Uh, what's down there, hmm?

Oh, j-just some more data.

You see, some of our clients
desire optimum security.

Oh, your client's a tall fella with a
tall white hat and stars and stripes...

and a white beard named Sam?

- Boy, you are astute, Carl.
- So are you, Jack.

Why don't you come on over here
and I'll show you our nerve center?

I've been asking for it
till I'm blue in the face.

It's gonna be Utah
all over again.

Did I ever... Did I ever tell you
what happened to me in Utah?

- Only a few times.
- Well, he just doesn't underst...

- Oh, this is it.
- Well, speak of the devil, and he shall appear.

Just when do I get my locks
changed on my office and storeroom?

Now I put the working order in.
I'm doing everything I can.

Don't you think you're just
being a little oversensitive?

- Paranoid?
- I said oversensitive.

"Paranoid," is that what you're trying to say?
There are no paranoids in the Soviet Union.

Do you know why? Because everybody
there is being watched and plotted against.

Only the insane man feels
secure. And it's the same thing here.

Mysterious occurrences.

Strange people who aren't what they appear
to be. For example, just who are you?

Dr. Verhyden, please.
This is a potential new client.

And I am Mickey Mantle.

You're in on this.
You're in on this.

And if you're not, you are a
pathetic judge of character.

Now look, I don't have to
take that from you.

Get the locks changed
or I'll go over your head.

- I'm sorry about that.
- No, no, forget it.

I know someone almost
just like him. Who is he?

Dr. James Verhyden, honcho
of the government seismic lab.

This is a good place for long-range quake
readings. We're in a very stable area.

Yes, but the question is:
Is the doctor himself stable?

Uh, yeah.

Say, who was he talking about when he said
that people aren't what they appear to be?

Oh, forgive my manners. Carl
Kolchak, this is Ruth Van Galen.

She's the director
of our data storage.

She's gonna be putting the whole
history of your company on tape.

No, no, she's not. No, no,
not the whole history, no.

- Let me show you some of the hardware.
- Yes, yes, of course.

Oh, the A-.

- Yes.
- Yes. Oh, Jack, it's for you.

- Excuse me.
- Mm, certainly.

- Topside.
- Thank you.

Yes. Lieutenant Lamont?

Well, I've been walking the facility
with a new customer. Put her on.

Yes, Lieutenant,
this is Jack Flaherty.

Well, yes, he is. As a matter
of fact, he's right here with...

Hi there.
Mind if I sit down?

Well, just how are your
union dealings coming along?

Slow is how
they're coming along.

The only thing that happens
fast around here are accidents.

Bang, bang.
Two of them just like that.

- What do you think caused those accidents?
- You ain't no buyer.

You're right. You're absolutely
right. I'm down here undercover.

Well, you're too late.

I had a lot to tell you police
yesterday, but nobody ever listens to me.

- I'm not a cop. Do I look like a cop?
- Then who are you? Come on.

My name's Carl Kolchak.
I'm an insurance investigator.

Now, if you can help me, I, uh,
I can make it worth your while.

How do you know
how much my while is worth?

Very good. Okay?

I make more than that
in minutes.

How about two of 'em?

All right. Now that first man to
die, uh, Kimper, was that his name?

- Yeah, exactly what happened?
- Nobody really knows.

Except that he worked
for that Dr. Verhyden.

That eight ball.

Yeah, that doctor does seem
to have some problems.

My heart bleeds. Listen, I got problems
too. They're coming out of my ears.

- Yeah, I'm sure.
- You know what the big tragedy in his life is?

- No.
- Well, he used to teach college, right?

He was out in Utah, and he
uncovers these valuable rocks.

Well, it was a feather in his cap. As
far as I'm concerned, a rock is a rock.

Anyway, he crates these rocks, and
he's gonna send them east on a flatcar.

Well, along comes
this other geologist,

erases Verhyden's name
from the crates,

puts his own name on the crates
and has them shipped back to himself.

He gets all the credit. That's why
Verhyden goes around crying the blues.

That's... That's... Yeah, tell me,
where was Kimper's body found?

- Sector "R," swill hole.
- Swill hole?

Yeah, it's a natural rock tunnel.
Hasn't been used since salt mining days.

Couple of hot springs down
there have caused a lot of seepage.

They can't store their valuable
computer tapes in a steam bath.

The electrician... Was his name
Coogan? Was he k*lled in Sector "R" too?

No, his body was found
in Sector "M."

-Uh-huh. And where's Sector "M"?
-Have they changed the alphabet?

- No.
- Well, then "M" comes before "R."

Sector "M" is on the way
to Sector "R."

- That's all.
- Sure.

Now what?

That phony alarm.

They want me and my men to go
around looking for trespassers.

You know something?
I am not in security.

I'm gonna call the union the first thing
tomorrow morning. You mark my words.

Yeah, excuse me. How do I
get out to Sections "M" and "R"?

You just follow the signs,
that's all.

But let me tell you
something, buddy.

You're a fool to go out there
without getting extra hazard pay.

Yeah. Well, thanks a lot. It's been
very pleasant chatting with you.

Oh, God.

Now let me see.

Sector S-Y.

Sector "L."

Ahh!

- Uh-uh, wait a minute.
- Okay, Carl, come on. Come on.

There's something out there.

Yeah, well, it's a good thing you've
been getting some exercise, Carl,

- because there isn't much room in the slammer.
- Are you listening to me?

I said there's
something out there.

Uh-huh. Well, you're under
arrest, Dr. Kolchakovsky.

- Well... Under arrest for what?
- Impersonating a doctor.

I could have had you outside the morgue. And
then there's trespassing in a security area.

I did... But are you listening to me?
What are you doing to my camera?

Gimme those pictures.
I got pictures of it.

- This is a classified area. There are no pictures allowed.
- Will you listen to me, please?

I thought there was something
suspicious about him right from the first.

So I figured if I went along, gave
him enough rope, he'd hang himself.

- Oh, you did, did you?
- Yes.

- Will you listen to me, please?
- We are listening, Carl.

All right. Now this is gonna
be very hard to believe.

It's gonna sound silly, but
there is some kind of a strange...

reptilian lizard monster
out there.

I mean, none of us is safe.

Carl, will you
just come quietly?

No, no, it's in Sector "M."
That's where Coogan...

The lady asked you to leave
quietly. Me? I don't care how you go.

- Get him out of here!
- No, no, now wait. Watch the shoulders.

Mr. Flaherty, I am terribly sorry. You
won't be bothered by Kolchak anymore.

Okay, fellas.

All right, all right, just watch it.
You're pulling on the handcuffs.

- They're also tight.
- That's the guy.

Just a second.

I'll take charge of this man. Merely
have one of your men sign a waiver.

- It won't take any of your time at all.
- Don't touch the goods.

He's in my custody.
I keep him.

No, he trespassed in a security
area. That's my jurisdiction.

I already had him on a previous
count. Now let's not argue.

Very well.
It's your responsibility.

Hey, wait.
Who's that hardnose?

- Water department. Can't you read?
- Water dep...

They're having some problems with the pipes
downstairs. You know, because of the accident.

Accident? That accident
was caused by one big lizard.

What does the water department
wanna bust me for? Leaky faucets?

Carl...

You all know that something's going on
down there. Why don't you listen to me?

- Carl... - That big lizard
down there was at least eight...

Carl, have you ever been maced?

Maced?

No, no, I haven't actually.

Will you... Will you stop lifting
so high, please? It hurts the arms.

- Open up the door.
- All right. All right.

I hope you're happy. Bailing you out of jail has
released a quart of hydrochloric acid in my gut.

Not to mention missing lunch,
which is m*rder on my digestion.

Yeah, but, Tony,
it was worth it, almost.

- Listen, I got some pictures in here
like you wouldn't... - Carl, Carl, Carl!

I don't wanna hear anything
more about that giant newt.

I want you to keep away from
the authorities at Merrymount.

I'll rip the lid off of
this lizard creature affair.

And I'm gonna find out who those
guys in the water department really are.

And, you, stop talking
with your mouth full.

Don't tell me
what to do with my mouth.

And what guys are you talking
about in what water department?

Stay tuned, and you'll hear
the next installment.

Yeah, hello.
Is Arnie Wisemore there?

Arnie Wisemore?
Isn't he in prison?

No, of course not.
He's out on parole.

Hello, Arnie?
Hey, Carl Kolchak here.

Yeah, I got a small job
for you to do.

No, absolutely not.

No, look. I know he's my boss, but
I don't want you to break his arms.

No, Arnie. All I want you
to do is deliver a package.

Yeah, well, I can't give you the details
right now, so I'll call you a little later.

- What did he say about me?
- Arnie? Not a thing.

Carl, look. I don't want you to get involved
with that crumb. Drop the whole thing right now.

- Just drop the whole thing right now. Uh-huh.
- Right.

Just what did Lieutenant
Irene Lamont do to you, hmm?

Did she run her fingers through
your hair and tousle your curls...

and compliment you
on your aftershave lotion?

- Now don't be ridiculous. She is a charming woman.
- Uh-huh, yeah.

But this was strictly an executive
decision, based on the study of the matter.

- Based on the study of her legs, you mean.
- Look, look, Carl.

The lieutenant and I have an
understanding like two professionals.

I told her I would agree
to backpedal a while,

to keep you from
hindering her investigation.

And she, in turn, agreed that if
anything major happened in Merrymount,

she would call the exclusive
directly to me.

- To you.
- To me.

- Not to me.
- No.

- To you.
- Yes.

You sucker.

You better learn the tune "All Alone on the
Telephone," 'cause she ain't never gonna call.

They've got a lid on this thing, and
I think it comes from very high up.

If that were true, if that were the
case, she would have told me about it.

- She would have?
- Yes.

- You really believe that?
- I do.

You know, I think all that bicarbonate you've
been drinking has put bubbles in your brain.

The issue is not my intake of bicarbonate.
The issue is how you follow my directives.

Now, I'm trying to establish a professional
working rapport with this lieutenant.

- Oh, that's what you're... - And
I don't want you jeopardizing it.

Now you've aggravated
this sweet, young woman,

in spite of all the kindnesses
she's extended to you.

- Kindness?
- Yes.

That sweet, young woman is about
as kind as an S.S. Sturmbannfuührer.

- Carl, listen to me!
- I'm leaving. I'm going up to Merrymount!

Vincenzo! Don't yell
like you always do.

It'll rile your bile.

- They make lousy pets.
- Hmm?

Crocodiles. Not only won't they fetch
your slippers but they'll eat your feet.

You know, not one of these things
stands upright like a man. Not one.

Well, of course not. If God had
wanted crocodiles to stand upright,

he'd have given them
alligator shoes.

Aw, come on, Kolchak,
these are the jokes.

I used to do all the emcee work and the
stand-up comedy in the prison talent show.

Yeah, well, I can see why they're
anxious to put you out of parole.

I'm not talking just about crocodiles. I'm
talking about all these reptiles in here.

I mean, there's not one
like what I saw.

It says in here though
that some reptiles,

you know, like sidewinder snakes,
it says that they're photophobic.

Photophobic. It means
that they don't like the light.

- Oh, good for them.
- Yeah.

You ready to go?

Yeah, yeah, sure.
You ready?

Yeah, yeah,
this is it here, huh?

- Yep.
- Now you're sure this is gonna do it?

You're questioning my
professional judgment now?

Arnie, this is Kolchak you're
rapping with, remember?

Kolchak?
I know your record.

Look, that last problem with the Mexican
border would have never happened...

if somebody would have remembered
to soundproof the hearse properly.

And to put on lipstick.
His wig was crooked too.

I mean, if you're gonna run
parrots into the country,

you gotta lay out some cash
for decent soundproofing.

- Parrots.
- I'll never forget that feeling,

when that third voice in
the back started squawking,

"Buenos días. Buenos días."

All right, come on. You just
make sure you get me there, right?

- Don't worry.
- Watch the hat.

You are now
a precision instrument.

Officer, all we found up in Sector
"R" were large agate specimens.

Howard was fine when I left.
I saw nothing unusual.

Well, let's
just hear it one more time.

You're the last person
to see Kimper alive.

Phew! What stinks in here?

What are you doing in my office?

Aren't these the strangest
little rocks you've ever seen?

- Put that down.
- What are they?

It's an alloy I've been
working with. Now put it down.

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

Now, you're sure this is not the agate
that you and Howard Kimper found?

No. I'll give you seconds
to leave.

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
Did you hear something?

No. Now get out!

Yeah, right, just as soon as you show me that
agate that you found, I won't bug you anymore.

Where do you get off that I
have to show you anything?

I am through letting people
steal from me.

Once on a dig in Utah,

I slaved months to uncover
some Pleistocene strata...

Yeah, it's all right, Doc. It's okay.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to touch you.

Tell me, what do you think
you've got in here...

that's so important that
somebody would wanna steal it?

That? It can't be that.

Say, it's funny. These seem more like
eggshells. Do these look like eggs to you?

No! Now...

That's funny. What do
you know about reptiles?

Nothing. They're not in
my field. Put that down!

Yeah, well, they're not in mine
either, but I know one when I saw one.

And I saw one. A huge one here.
Did you find these in Sector "R"?

Now, I am tired
of your questions.

I have no desire to discuss
reptiles with you or anything else.

- And I'll have you arrested again.
- Yeah, sure, sure.

- One more question,
Doc, if you don't... -

Will you get outta here?
Get out!

- You want me to open this, huh?
- Uh-huh.

You know, if all the film that I've sh*t
that's been confiscated by the cops...

were laid end to end, I'd have
enough film to sh**t w*r and Peace.

Including a travelogue
and a cartoon.

Again, what were you
and Verhyden talking about?

Again? Rocks.

Carl, if he had any information that would shed
light on this, you better start belching it up,

or I guarantee you a graduate
degree in license plate making...

down at the state farm.

Whatever happened...

to the sweet Irene Lamont
that we all know and love, hmm?

All those poor bums down in the press department
are always singing that pretty refrain...

Cop I've ever seen

You don't know how bad I can be.

Oh, I got
a pretty good idea, baby.

Lieutenant Lamont, uh,

if you don't mind.

Relax, Mr. Kolchak, relax.
Cigarette?

Uh, no, no, thanks
No, I don't smoke.

I read the surgeon general's report.

Look, I don't know how long
I can hold off Miss Lamont.

She wants to bust you bad.

Now I don't know why
you won't cooperate.

- Open up with me.
- Open up, huh?

Yeah, well, you see,
it's little things,

uh, like how you've kept a lid
on all this mess, General.

- Colonel.
- Colonel.

You'll make general. Yeah,
you see, you're thinking...

maybe that there's more of
these creatures around, huh?

Maybe they'll get into
your secret silos,

your underground m*ssile
and SAC bases down there.

Maybe they have already, huh?
Well, did you ever think...

that they might be down there in the
subways too and underground tunnels?

And underground garages?
Did you ever think about that?

I mean, when are you gonna warn
the general public about this?

When we feel the time is right.

- And who is "we"?
- Hey!

He's gone!
Check the hall.

- No, no, easy, easy.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, look, did Verhyden keep
all his specimens in his lab?

- Verhyden's dead, and I'm gettin' outta here!
- No, no, wait.

Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. No, look, Verhyden
found something the creature's after.

- And I gotta find it and take it up topside.
- You're on your own!

No, wait. What about
your hazard pay?

Fink.

It's an egg.

So here I am. In a few
minutes, it'll be here too.

If I don't make it and this tape is ever
found, you'll at least know what happened.

My only hope is it'll
take this nest and go.

If it won't, then good luck.

Back! Back!

Back!

I know what's gonna happen now.

As far as the authorities
are concerned,

the events of April and
will never have occurred.

They... They're gonna tell me
that if I ever breathe a word of this,

they're gonna break me
like a straw man.

Now what about the sentry?

Will its eggs hatch in the warm, dark,
dank dampness of its nesting place?

Who knows? Maybe the government
will find the nest, maybe they won't.

We'll probably never know.
But if you're in a subway...

or a pedestrian tunnel
underneath a ballpark,

and you think you hear something
moving in the walls,

it may not be your imagination.

Take my advice.

Don't walk, run
to the nearest exit.