01x09 - Is It Love or Symbiosis?

[bunniefuu]

Why is it that some people...

just can't leave
well enough alone?

Take my sister, Annie.
Please.

Now she's on a "let's all make
Gidget a young lady" kick.

That's her telling me it's not
ladylike to yell out the window.

But what are you supposed to do when you
want to talk to your best friend, Larue,

who lives three doors away
and her line is busy?

Well, Annie taught me a lesson,

and I think her husband, John,
got one too.

And my dear sister is very big
on table manners too.

If you waited for people to pass the
food, you'd starve to death.

See? She's even brainwashed that
wonderful man at the end of the table.

Please pass the potatoes,
dear sister of my heart.

Sorry about that, John.

And another thing. Anne is
anti-baseball for girls.

She keeps saying that young ladies
shouldn't wear sweat socks...

because proper young
ladies don't sweat. Ohh!

Well, I don't know if she's
going to make a lady out of me,

but she's sure gonna wreck
a beautiful marriage.

♪ If you're in doubt
about angels ♪

♪ Being real

♪ I can arrange to change

♪ Any doubts you feel

♪ Wait till you see
my Gidget ♪

♪ You'll want her
for your valentine ♪

♪ You're gonna say
she's all that you adore ♪

♪ But stay away
Gidget is spoken for ♪

♪ You're gonna find
that Gidget is ♪

♪ Mine ♪

Thanks, Jerry.

Miss Walker,
nice to have met you. Dear man.

It's the art department, Russ.
They live in a different world.

Say, what's with you?
Every man you meet you have to kiss?

He's a full professor.
The world needs love.

Besides, I've never
heard you complain. I'm only an associate.

You didn't hear me complain
either, Miss Walker.

Aha. You liked it.

The world needs love.

See you at the shop.

Well, good evening.
Hi.

Cute girl. A friend of Jerry Rogers.

Instructor in the art department.
Thinks the world needs love.

Hi, honey. Hi, Dad.

You cats sticking around
for dinner? Uh-uh.

We just dropped by to give
you some wonderful news.

Don't tell me. You are switching your
major from psychology to folk dancing.

Still covering up the
old hostility with humor.

Just tell me the good news.

We've found a school for Gidget.

I didn't know
she was looking for one.

Daddy, wait till you hear.
It's the opportunity of a lifetime.

You remember me telling you
about my friend, Moreau?

Claude Moreau?
The exchange student?

Well, anyway,

it turns out that his father runs
this exclusive girls' school in Paris.

And he said that with your being
a college professor and all,

he's sure that he can arrange
a full scholarship for Gidget.

How about that?

And all you're out is the price of a
plane ticket. Isn't that incredible?

Oh, well, Anne, I...

I don't see any point in sending
Gidget , miles away to school...

when she's already doing very well
in a school minutes away by bus.

But, Dad, a young girl needs more than
just history and math in this life.

It's every bit as important
to have social poise.

You think the Queen of England
can do calculus?

Possibly not, but somehow I don't
visualize Francie in the role.

Daddy, really,
it's nothing personal,

but Gidget should be given the
chance to become a proper young lady.

Who isn't a proper young lady?

Hi, honey.
You're just in time.

John and Anne dropped in
to rearrange our lives. Again?

Tell her the good news.

Gidget, darling... The answer is no.

Every time she starts a
sentence with "Gidget, darling,"

I know I'm in trouble.

All I'm trying to tell you is that
we've arranged for you to go...

to a fabulous girls' school,
and guess where.

- Outer Mongolia.
- No, Paris.

We don't have an extradition
treaty with Outer Mongolia. Mm.

This is a school, Gidget, that specializes
in turning out well-educated young ladies,

thoroughly versed in the
social graces and,

above all, poised
and highly sophisticated.

Who isn't sophisticated? If anyone ever
needed this school...

Oh, Daddy, look at her.
She hasn't a shred of feminine dignity.

Have you ever tried to have feminine
dignity while you're chewing bubble gum?

- Then why do you chew it?
- Well, I don't like the other kind.

Oh, this discussion
is pointless. Now you're reading my mind.

Come on, Anne. We're wasting our time here.
Good thinking, John. Bye, now.

Lipstick? My car needed work,
and Jerry gave me a lift.

Mm. Well, that explains it.

He hardly ever
travels alone. Right.

Well, I'll be down in a little while
to fix you some nibbles and goodies.

What's the matter,
my slip showing?

In a Freudian manner
of speaking, it is.

You know, it would increase
family harmony considerably...

if you'd stop treating
every visit to this house...

as a field trip
to a small sanitarium. You reached me.

Come on, Anne. A prophet's never
honored in his own country.

I am happy to honor you
as a son-in-law.

Why do you have to be a prophet?

You know what I mean.

If a professional therapist were to say
it, you'd pay very serious attention.

And you should.
Symbiosis is a very serious matter.

Can all this be translated
into English?

John is of the opinion... I
don't need an interpreter.

You know that it would be an
excellent thing

if your daughter
were to attend this school,

but you're afraid
to let her go to France.

- Afraid for her or afraid for the French?
- For yourself.

You've grown to depend on her so much,
your subconscious refuses to release her.

Me, dependent on
that bubble gum addict?

Aren't you waiting for her to come down and
fix you your nightly nibbles and goodies?

Well, if she doesn't,
I'll fix it myself.

And cook your own meals
and mend your own socks...

and bring yourself
your paper and slippers?

I have a friend who has a
cocker spaniel that does that,

and they're both
very well-adjusted.

Does he also rub his back?

I think they're working on it.

What is all this? Well, John thinks...

I think that as long as you've got
Gidget, you'll never remarry.

And then in about years,
we'll have the classic spectacle...

of an elderly parent with
a dried-up, spinster daughter,

still fixing your meals
and rubbing your back.

- That's symbiosis.
- That's baloney.

Well, there's nothing wrong with Paris
as long as I don't have to be there.

Okay, talk to you later.
The father-figure just came in.

Ready for dinner? Have Sigmund
and Mrs. Freud left yet?

Yeah. Is Paris definitely out?

Definitely. Whoo-wee.

We're doing all right.
Come on, let's go downstairs.

As far as I'm concerned,
you are father of the year.

Not to hear John talk. Well, who listens
to John anyway?

If he had any class,
he'd turn himself in.

Oh, I'll get your slippers. Uh, thanks
just the same. I'll get my own slippers.

Oh, uh, don't start dinner yet.
Uh, I have an idea.

But, Dad, you never fix dinner.

I've cooked more dinners
than I can remember.

Now you just take it easy
and leave everything to me.

Okay, but it's beef stew,
and you have to use the pressure cooker.

It's up there on the top
shelf, and it's heavy.

Oh, fine.
I see it.

Okay.

Francie!

Oh, yeah. Oh, the, uh...

The big part caught me
right about there.

I'll get it. No. No, wait a minute.
I'll get it.

Well, you can't rub your own back.
I've got to do it for you.

Then in about years, we'll
have the classic spectacle...

of an elderly parent with a
dried-up, spinster daughter...

still fixing your meals
and rubbing your back.

Francie!

I have something to tell you.

- He's sending me to Paris.
- Oh, no!

Oh, yes.
Holy Pierre.

From now on, my life
is gonna be in subtitles.

Okay. That's, uh, three
cheeseburgers. Right?

Right. And put some meat
in the bun.

The last time, the F.B.I. couldn't have
found the hamburger under that cheese.

- Hey, what do you want?
- Gidge.

- Huh?
- What do you want?

I want to know why
he's sending me to Paris.

Give her what we ordered.

Gidget, why don't you stop
trying to figure out your father?

Yeah. I stopped trying to
figure my father out years ago.

Now I let him
try to figure me out.

But it just doesn't make sense.

One minute he's on my side, and then,
just like that, he makes a switch,

right in the middle
of a massage no less.

Why don't you have another
talk with him, Gidge?

Howie's right. Just tell him
you don't want to go. Be honest.

Wrong. Parents are not
equipped to handle honesty.

If I only knew why he was sending me
away, I could reason with him.

I wonder what made him
change his mind.

What do you mean,
now I can live it up?

That's right, Professor. With Gidget
away, you're no longer trapped. And I...

Wait a minute.
Let's get one thing straight.

I am not sending Francie away
because I feel trapped.

If anything,
it's just the reverse.

Well, either way,
with Gidget in Europe,

I'm dedicating myself
to the proposition...

that you shall not suffer from a lack
of companionship and entertainment.

Follow me?

You've got this all figured
out, haven't you?

Now, the one thing we bachelors
have to fight is loneliness.

I don't think
I'm gonna be all that lonely.

Of course.
I lost my head.

Anne will be here, and you can
spend your evenings having laughs...

with that fun-loving
husband of hers.

You really know how to
hurt a guy, don't you?

Wait a minute.
I've got the solution. To what?

Your whole problem.
I didn't know I had one.

With Gidget gone, you're gonna be rattling
around this whole house by yourself.

Right? Well...

And scholarship or not, you're bound to
be hit by a lot of added expenses, right?

I suppose so. Well, then we've got
the whole thing licked.

I'll move in.

Uh, just a minute, Jerry. Now don't
misunderstand me. No freeloading.

We'll split everything down the middle,
including the mortgage payments.

Now you can't knock that. Well, that's very
generous of you...

What generous?
It's a case of mutual assistance.

I want to see you have some fun,
have some laughs, live it up a little.

Well, it's very nice of you to take such
an active interest in little old me.

- You know, I don't come empty-handed.
- I didn't expect a dowry.

Now we'll put my stereo set
right over here...

so that the sound drifts over
to the fireplace.

That should do it.
And then I'll send for my electrician.

He'll install the dimmer
right about over here.

Install the dimmer?

Oh, you'll love it. You kind of reach
over, turn the little knob,

and the lights turn
soft and pink and romantic.

Where are you gonna put
the Chinese incense burner?

In that corner.

Oh, that must be Pat. Pat who?

Pat Taylor.
Didn't I tell you about Pat? No.

You play your cards right, she'll fix
it up with one of her model friends.

I don't want her to fix it up
with one of her model friends.

Oh, you will when you
find out what she models.

Honey. Hi, Jerry.

Russ, Pat Taylor. I'd like you to
meet my new roommate, Russ Lawrence.

Hi. Oh, I've heard
so much about you.

Well, nothing's really been... You
know what? This is a marvelous room.

I mean, it... It's got
such possibilities.

Oh, she has quite a flair for
interior decorating. Great taste.

Do you know that corner
needs something?

I thought we'd put
my wine rack over there.

Oh, no.
Your wine rack can go over there.

I mean, this corner
gets the afternoon sun.

What did I tell you?
Isn't she beautiful?

And you know what else you need
are some bright-colored pillows,

give the place a little warmth.

Uh, if there's one thing we
want, it's a warm room, eh, Russ?

If it gets any warmer in
here, we could grow orchids.

I told you he had
a sense of humor. Oh, he's divine.

Aren't you gonna
show me the patio?

What a lovely setting.

But at night, I'd like a
couple of burning tiki torches.

Tiki torches?

Looks like you're in. In what?

Well, it looks like you have a chance now
to really catch up on your social life.

I miss a piece of statuary,
something oriental. We've never missed it.

Well, why would you and Gidget miss it?
That was a different life.

If you think that life with Gidget is
dull, you're sadly mistaken.

- Not dull, routine.
- Children require routine.

Well, isn't that
what I'm saying?

And then comes the time when they fly
off to school or somewhere and... zap.

Well, that is if you're
not too old by then. Zap?

Old? Him, old?

I know a man in his gung ho
years when I see one. Gung ho years?

Yes. You know, a man who has youth
for vigor and age for authority.

Gung ho years?

Yeah. Well, I do feel
as vigorous as I ever did.

So gather your rosebuds
while you may, right?

All you need is to be shown where the
rosebuds bloom, and that'll be my pleasure.

What did I tell you, buddy boy?

From now on, it won't be just
living, it'll be la dolce vita.

La dolce vita.
I should have known.

At last the mystery is solved.

He's sending me to Paris
so he can bring Paris here.

How could I be so dumb

not to guess
he's getting rid of me...

so he can have his freedom?

We women are such fools.

No man wants a / -year-old
albatross around his neck...

when he can have la dolce vita.

Well, I'm never going to let him
know that I really don't want to go.

I'm going to be big about this.

Chin up, smile upon my face...

and, above all, be gay.

Bonjour, mes amis.

That's "Hello, friends"
in French.

Uh, garçon, garçon. Who are you
calling Garson? My name's Irving.

What's your order? Do you have frogs' legs?

No. I'd say they're
more like birds' legs.

That's why I couldn't make the
football team. I'll have a hot dog.

- Right.
- He's so bourgeois.

- What's with the French kick?
- I guess if you can't b*at 'em, join 'em.

Au contraire.
I can't wait to get to Paris.

Say, that's a switch.

Yeah. A few days ago,
you wanted to k*ll yourself

because your father
was gonna send you.

That was just a phase
I was going through.

Upon mature reflection, I realized it was
the only thing to broaden my horizons.

- How long you gonna be there, Gidge?
- Trois years.

- I think that means three.
- Gee, that's a long time, Gidge.

Surf's up! Hey, Gidge,
you want to go surfin'?

No, thank you.

Oh, come on. It'll be your last
Oh, come on. It'll be your last

- Tomorrow?
- Yeah. Tomorrow's Wednesday.

Uh...

Uh, I think I've got
some shopping... something...

- Say, Gidge! Your... Your hot dog.
- What's wrong with her?

Hello. I'm home.

Hi, honey.

I, uh, never... never could
pack a pipe as neatly as you.

What you got there?

Oh, I... I bought this little thing
that tells you all about foreign money.

Oh, that'll be handy.

Yeah, it tells you what the
dollar's worth in

pounds, francs, lira
and even "zlotnys,"

in case I get to Bulgaria.

Well,
I hope you don't get so busy

that you don't have time to
drop an occasional line...

to a close relative,
like your father.

Oh, Daddy,
I'll write you all the time.

You'd better write me.
You can count on that.

I'll even telephone.

The way you use a phone,
that could get pretty expensive.

Well, you know, I'll just phone on...
on special occasions, like Christmas.

I hadn't thought about you
being away at Christmas.

Who's going to trim my tree? Jerry.

That won't be quite the same.
Well, you've got Annie and John.

Oh, that'll be fun. We can all sit around
while John psychoanalyzes Santa Claus.

Oh, don't worry, Daddy.
I'm sure you'll have a marvelous time.

Well, uh, I'd better go
upstairs and finish packing.

Well, you know,

I'll just phone on...
On special occasions,

like Christmas.

Almost finished, Daddy.
Just a few more things.

I'd like to talk to you. Sure, Daddy.

Uh, it's very important. What is it?

I'd like to know how you
really feel about this venture.

I feel fine.

I mean, I... I think it's a good
idea for both of us, especially me.

I mean, I'll never get another
chance like this, will I?

And if I don't take it
and make the most of it,

what kind of a dope would I be?

You mean you really
want to go... now?

I mean, I knew that
at first you didn't.

Absolutely.
Nothing could stop me.

Why'd you say you thought it
was a good idea for both of us?

Because it is. Why?

I don't know. I can't explain it.
It just is.

Oh... Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy.

You see, I... I just get all
sloppy when people go away,

even... even me.

Why are you trying
to fool your old man?

You don't really think this is a
good idea at all. I do. I really do.

All these years, you've
been fenced in raising me.

And you could have been off
somewhere having a good time.

What have you got
out of it? Nothing. Everything.

Raising you is the most interesting
and enjoyable thing I can imagine.

But you've got to have
your chance to live.

Live?

What do you think I've been
doing all these years?

What kind of a chance are you
talking about? Chance for what?

- La dolce vita.
- La dolce vita? Where did you...

You think I wanted to
get into Jerry's shoes?

Why, you little nut, I wouldn't change
places with Jerry in a thousand years.

Don't you know that?
Honest now, don't you?

But I heard...

I don't care what you heard.
You know what the truth is.

You mean, you don't
want la dolce vita?

What exactly is la dolce vita?

I don't know... having a ball.

But I am having a ball. I've been
having a ball for and a half years.

Oh. Oh, Daddy, so have I.

I was just so afraid
the ball was over.

Oh, Daddy.

Oh.

The sudden choke-off
of my European education...

brought a tidal wave
of feedback.

Daddy took his position behind
a solid wall of common sense.

And I'm not knocking it.
But no animal relies on a single defense,

and I wasn't taking any chances.

That was the pleasantest half
hour I ever spent with John.

These things do wonders
for his personality.

Shall we clue him in? He might
want to pass 'em around at parties.

No, let's keep 'em for ourselves.
Ours is the greater need.

I really don't understand
Anne and John.

Well, they should be agitating
to keep me at home.

If they'd only open their eyes,

they'd see that I am the main reason for
the amazing success of their marriage.

Without me as a target,
what would they be doing?

Blasting away at each other like any
other normal married couple, natch.

Some people, it seems, just don't
know when they have a good thing.