01x17 - I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Think

[bunniefuu]

That you, honey?

Oh, hi, Dad.
Hi.

Okay? It's an emergency. Sure.

Thanks.
Did you have fun?

Fun?

Larue? Gidget.

I just got home this second.
He's the end. That's all.

The living, dying, absolute end!

Talk about made-to-order,
everlasting love.

One look at him and
I was a goner. Huh.

Sure. Hot and cold,
all shivery.

Right... weak in the knees.

The whole routine.

The funny thing is, he isn't even my type.
What do I need with Italy?

But a love like this comes
only once in a lifetime.

A girl would have to be
out of her skull to fight it.

Huh?
Hang up.

Talk to you later.

"Made-to-order, everlasting love"?
"Once in a lifetime"?

You were listening!

Do you realize that you've been "in love"
four times in the last three months?

Five.
But who's counting?

Anyway, this one's different.

I thought we had a little talk
about this back in September.

September?

I will refresh your memory.

Back in September when you were
going through... and I quote...

"the bleakest time
of your life"...

I wish you wouldn't do that.

- What?
- Quote.

- Your world had "come to an end."
- It certainly had.

Every woman's life comes
to an end temporarily...

when her one and only love in
the world goes away for a while.

Oh, it was m*rder.
I don't know when I'd ever felt so alone.

At least I had sense enough

not to hang around the kids
where I'd only feel lonelier.

As long as I had to suffer, I decided to
suffer where I could suffer the most...

At the beach.

Yes, Jeff had gone back to Princeton,
and I was left all alone in California...

to try somehow
to survive the winter.

I deliberately picked the loneliest
spot on the beach I could find.

He's pretty good.

All I could think of was Jeff.

I had figured out a million
lonely-type things to do:

write a book or read one...

or paint a masterpiece.

I had prepared to live
the life of a nun...

Never looking, seeing or even
knowing that another man existed.

Boy, is he tall.

♪ If you're in doubt
about angels ♪

♪ Being real

♪ I can arrange to change

♪ Any doubts you feel

♪ Wait till you see my Gidget ♪

♪ You'll want her
for your valentine ♪

♪ You're gonna say
she's all that you adore ♪

♪ But stay away
Gidget is spoken for ♪

♪ You're gonna find
that Gidget is ♪

♪ Mine ♪

Common courtesy demanded

I at least go through
the amenities.

I couldn't be rude,

so I put
my personal feelings aside.

He was a sensational surfer,

but that's all
I could find out about him,

which was all right with me,
because I wasn't the least bit curious.

Been surfing long? All my life.

Gee, I didn't know anybody
had been surfing that long.

How old are you?

How old are you?
I happen to be much older than I look.

You wouldn't believe it,
but I'm actually... I sure wouldn't.

All right?
Yeah.

Good. Hate to see a cute little
thing like you all dinged up.

Have you ever heard anything
quite so romantic?

Uh, hey! Uh, you gonna
be around tomorrow?

I don't know.

The next day, to my surprise,

there he was again.

I'll say one thing for him.
He was persistent.

Yes, he knew all there was
to know about surfing,

but he didn't have
the faintest idea

how to communicate
with another human being.

At least tell me your name.

I can't keep calling you
"whoosis" or "what's yer name."

Why not?

Because this is the second day in
a row we've been surfing together.

We've established
a relationship.

Oh, no, we haven't! I don't mind
sharing the ocean with you, sweetie,

but that's all... at least for
the next five or six years.

Talk to me then and I might
make you a serious proposition.

Frankly, his words
took my breath away.

Heaven knows I hadn't done anything
to encourage a statement like that,

yet here he was in his own sweet,
uncommunicative way declaring himself.

It was no time
to tell him about Jeff.

Neither was the next day.

And there's some potato salad
and coleslaw... whichever.

Mmm! You made
all this yourself?

You dear girl.

Dear girl?
See what I mean?

He made a big deal out of not
telling me his name or anything,

yet, subconsciously,
he was saying everything there was to say.

I should have called a halt
then and there.

But I couldn't...
Not while he was eating.

Banana cream.

You're a doll... a real living,
pint-sized, adorable doll.

And I love you madly.

I know, but let's not
rush into anything.

- A hasty word here and there...
- Eh?

- We need time to think, especially me.
- Think? About what?

About us. How can we really
be sure it would work?

And I have other considerations.

- Work? What work?
- You and me.

The other considerations
being that... You and me?

- Of course it wouldn't.
- In the first place...

Why not?

Look, I had no idea that you...
That I guessed how you felt?

You kept giving yourself away.
I did? How?

With every single word
you didn't say.

Maybe somebody else
wouldn't have noticed it,

but I happen to have a brother-in-law
who's studying to be a psychologist.

That must give you quite an
edge over the average person.

You'd have no way of knowing,

but the day we met was probably
the most miserable day of my life.

I was absolutely desolate,
about as lonely as a human being can be.

I guess I was at my lowest ebb.

I get the picture.
You don't have to tell me any more.

I don't? Why, you have
a relative in psychology too?

Uh, no, but I've studied
a course or two.

- Honey, I'm gonna level with you.
- About what?

About me. About why you're right...
why it wouldn't work for us.

Oh, I didn't say it wouldn't work. I
just asked how we could be sure it would.

To be honest,
I'm not so sure about me.

That's the one thing
I am sure about... you.

You're a sweet, warm,
wonderful little girl...

and a real potential
hunk of woman.

- How's that?
- Much too good for a guy like me.

Why? What's the matter with you?
You're tall, you're...

Irresponsible, unreliable,
undependable, uh...

Go on and say it.
You think it's a news flash?

What?

That you're a surf bum.
Oh, I guessed that right off...

You being a loner
and surfing, surfing, surfing.

No ties. And that tan
of yours...

That you don't get overnight.

No. It does take a little sunshine.
But, uh,

that's the story.

Nothing but a surf bum.

- Would you do me a favor?
- Certainly, certainly. Anything.

- Would you forget about me?
- Gee, that... That's an awful lot to ask.

I know, but that's
what I'm askin'.

I'll try, as long
as you really want me to.

I want you to.

And I want you to go right
now... right this minute-

and start a whole new life.

That won't be too hard.
School starts Monday.

Hey, would you like me to
walk away and not look back?

Great.

Ready?
Ready.

Here I go.

That was the way to have
a perfect romance...

Over before it had
a chance to begin.

All that was never there would always
belong to just what's his name and me.

Monday morning and
the first day of school.

I kept my promise, put what's his
name out of my mind completely.

I devoted all my thoughts to
Jeff, pining away at Princeton.

I tell you, Larue, it's m*rder.
All I can think of is Jeff.

I go around feeling
empty inside.

All I know is something's missing.
Sure... up here.

You're making jokes
while she suffers?

Yeah. Which is funnier?

Uh-oh.

Listen, count your blessings.
As long as you have to suffer,

thank heaven it's for a Princeton man
and not for any of the local talent.

Blech!

Hello, Sidney. "Siddo."
Thank you, Miss Stoddard.

Good morning, Miss Stoddard.
Good morning, girls.

Good morning, Gidget.
How's your father?

Oh, just fine, ma'am.
Did you hear about Gidget, Miss Stoddard?

She's practically engaged.
Show her the ring.

Princeton man. Ivy League.
How's that for status?

- Is it serious, Gidget?
- They don't come any "seriouser."

My, I'm glad you're back
for another year, Larue.

You are going to continue
to take English, aren't you?

My first class was math.

Dwayne! Hi!
Hi, Sally.

How are ya? Fine.
How are you? Dwayne!

Hi, Brian.
How are ya? Hi.

Hi, Chris. How are ya?

Gidge! Gidge, get a load
of the new teacher.

What's his name!
I don't know.

Gidge, where are you going?
Wrong room!

Oh, I'm so sorry!
Okay.

Don't worry about it.

Who and what was that?
That's Gidget.

She... she said she
was in the wrong room.

Well, let's hope
she was in the wrong school.

Would you go get her,
see if she's all right? Yeah.

Shall we take our seats?
Sheesh!

Oh, for goodness sake, what's the
matter with you? It's the right room...

Remember, on our schedule?

Come on, he's really kinda cute,
in spite of what he said about you.

What he said about me? What?
Oh, why go into it?

You'll only get upset.
Get upset?

See? You're starting already.
Now come on!

Let me introduce myself
to all of you.

- My name is Baxter Stevenson.
- Here she is.

Thank you.
I'm your new math teacher.

- And I wish I were dead.
- Oh. Oh. Oh!

I didn't mean it that way!
Come back! Stop!

Miss Stoddard, I'm sorry.
Are you all right?

I think so.
What on earth's going...

Now, all right.
Back to your seats.

Back to the class, kids, please?
Yes, sir.

What's going on?
Are you having trouble?

One of the students, Miss Stoddard.
Uh, it's only a crush.

A crush...
And it's only : ?

Now that's what I call
instant charm.

Which one?
Her name is Gidget.

I'm sure I can straighten it out.
You do that.

In the meantime...
Uh, yes, ma'am.

Go easy on the rest
of the girls.

I needed
a time and a place to think.

The time was no problem, but where are
you gonna find a place to think in school?

But I had to get through
the rest of the day somehow.

Only I knew the storm
that was raging inside me,

and, fortunately, I've always
been able to put up a good front.

Hi. How are you?
Hi. What's up, Gidge?

I learned a long time ago,
there's only one thing to do...

in times of stress,
and that's to act naturally.

Stay calm,
take one problem at a time,

and above all, no matter what
happens, don't let yourself overreact.

That you, sweetie?
Hi, Dad.

How was the first day of school?
Magnificent.

- Mind if I leave this here to dry?
- No.

- I took a little spill.
- Into Boulder Dam?

Oh, that's cute. Remind me
to tell you about it sometime.

Oh, I will.
I will.

Naturally, I thought about
talking it over with Dad.

But what was I going
to tell him?

That I had a teacher who
wasn't a teacher but a man...

A man who went around calling his
students "dear girl" and "sweetie"?

And then had the nerve to show up in their
own personal, private algebra classes...

Poor, innocent, unsuspecting
students who were...

desperately in love
with somebody else?

Isn't it awfully quiet up here?

It's the contemplation hour.

Oh.

Can you use a fellow contemplator?
Good heavens, no.

I was just contemplating about love
and life and just the world in general.

I can do that by myself.

Okay.
See you at dinner.

Dad?
Hmm?

You and Mom... from the
moment you met,

you never loved anybody
but each other, did you?

No. Why?

That's the way real love's
supposed to be, right?

Right.

- Why?
- No why.

It's just nice to know you
come from such good people.

Okay.

There's only one answer.

I must be a throwback.

Somewhere, sometime I must have
had an old Aunt Scarlett O'Hara.

Gidget?
Aren't you gonna be late?

- Is that you, Dad?
- No. It's Attila the Hun.

Can I come in?
One moment, please.

Come in.

But stand back.

Come in, but stand back?

- I don't want you to get it.
- Are you sick?

Don't I look sick?

But don't worry, Dad.
It's... nothing serious.

Just some lingering malady.

Have a temperature?

What are your symptoms?
When did this come on?

Dad, this is no time for questions.
I-I'm trying to tell you how you feel.

I know how you feel. For some reason,
you don't feel like going to school today.

- You wanna be honest?
- I want you to be honest.

Okay. You know what I'm sick about... the
thought of you wasting all that money.

What money? Well, sending me to college.
It's pointless.

After all, I have my life planned.
I'm gonna marry Jeff and have his children.

Now, I don't need a college
education to do that.

I don't even need
a high school one.

As a matter of fact, a full high school
education could be very bad for me,

and more important,
for my children.

For your children. I want them to
grow up free from tension and fear.

Now, if I go and get
myself overeducated

and end up being so much
smarter then they are,

I'm liable to give them an
inferiority complex for life.

You think that children should be
better educated than their parents?

Exactly.

Then get out of bed.
You've got at least more years to go.

What?

Far be it from me to give
you an inferiority complex.

That's another thing
I learned a long time ago.

When you have to do a thing,
don't fight it. Just do it.

Dad said I had to go
to school, so I did.

You know this is very interesting
what you're doing. What?

Playing hooky in school.

Oh, hi. Nice to see you.
Hey, Gidget! Gidget!

Where have you been? Everybody's looking
for you, especially Mr. Stevenson.

He has? Gave me a message for you.
He says he's got to see you.

"Got to." Why?
Are you keeping something from me?

You bet your life.

In that case, I don't have to
tell all I know either. Like what?

Like how Miss Stoddard's
looking for you, too,

on account of your
father called...

to find out why you didn't
want to come to school today.

And she told him you didn't show up
anyway, and like how she called me...

into her office to find out where you
were, and I had to tell her I didn't know.

And like how she called your father back,
and how he went home to try and locate you,

and like how he's probably
called the F.B.I. by now.

Just try to get
any of that out of me.

How about if I offered you a bribe?
Not a chance.

I'm sorry, Mr. Lawrence, but I haven't
been able to find any trace of her.

It's certainly unlike Gidget.
I can't imagine what's behind...

Well, wait a minute.
Maybe I can.

Oh, Mr. Stevenson... I'll
get back to you. Come in.

I'd like to have a few
thousand words with you about,

uh, that instant charm of yours.

And, uh, so,
ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

as the defendant in this case...

Now wait a minute.
You're not a defendant.

I hate to contradict you,
sir, but isn't it true...

that in any case involving
student, teacher,

the teacher ends up
being the defendant?

Not when the student's parent
happens to be a teacher also.

Anyway, it's not a case.
It's a misunderstanding.

One that, as far as I can see,
involves only you and you.

So why don't you two
clear it up?

Miss Stoddard,
would you like some kitchen-type coffee?

I'd love some
kitchen-type coffee.

There she is... the
loneliest girl in the world.

There he is... the phoniest
surf bum in the world.

I didn't say I was a surf bum.
You did.

I tried to tell you about Jeff,
but you told me not to tell you any more.

I meant not any more
about being lonely.

Well, that's not what you said.
You didn't say anything about...

That's what got me into this mess... all
the things I didn't say anything about...

which you noticed because you have a
brother-in-law who's a psychology student.

He's flunked out by now, I hope.

- I'm sorry. I really am.
- So am I.

But I still don't understand it.
What?

How loving Jeff as much as I do,
I could have become attracted to you.

Sure, you're intelligent, tall, good
looking, charming, witty and marvelous,

but what kind
of an excuse is that?

Does that mean I'm fickle, Dad?
What kind of a girl am I?

Gidge, you met a very attractive man,
and you had a very normal reaction.

You liked him. Right? Well, sure.
Didn't you notice how tall...

You, being you... and being
and a half years old...

You couldn't let it go at that.

You had to have an excuse
for finding him attractive,

so you came up with the best
excuse there is... love.

- What else?
- Simple admiration, you little nut.

You like the Beatles, don't you?

- You want to marry them?
- All four of them?

Go on.
I'm beginning to read you.

You're gonna meet
a lot of men in your life,

and you're going to find
a lot of them attractive.

You're going to like them. That's normal
and healthy. Just don't make the mistake...

of thinking you have to fall in love
and marry each and every one of them.

In other words, I can love Jeff and
still meet and like lots of other men?

Sure.
Ah! What a relief.

Because I already do.
I can think of loads of men I like.

Not only young men,
but old men... you and John.

Tall men, even short men.

Didn't somebody famous once say something
about never meeting a man he didn't like?

Yeah. Will Rogers. Hey.

Wouldn't that be a great slogan for
me in the class book when I graduate...

"Gidget Lawrence,

"who went all through high school and
never met a boy she didn't like"?

Well, no, Gidget. Uh, no.
That, uh...

There's implication there that...

Well, uh, you wouldn't understand.
We'll, uh... We'll, uh...

Believe me.

I like to shake him up like
that every once in a while.

Well, I'm off.
Have a good day.

And I've still got a problem.
Now what?

How am I gonna learn algebra from a
teacher I've seen in a bathing suit?

What's wrong with having seen
your teacher in a bathing suit?

Dad, teachers are different. There are
certain things they just shouldn't do.

Like have first names
or treat you as an equal...

or go swimming
or go to movies...

or read a book unless
it's over a hundred years old.

I'm a teacher.
You think that applies to me?

You're a college professor.

And college professors are
expected to be jazzier. Ooh! Oh?

Otherwise, no one would ever go.

Out. Out!