01x32 - Don't Defrost the Alligator

[bunniefuu]

Boy!

Boy!

Boy!

Hey, Davey.
What's the matter?

Charlie. Charlie?

He d*ed. Oh. Your turtle?

My alligator.
He was only two months old.

Oh. Let's see him.

He was just a baby, huh?

And the best friend I ever had.

That's a shame, Davey.

But, you know, we've all
gotta go sometime.

I know that.
That's not the worst part.

The worst part...
Mom says I have to bury him.

Well, of course you do.
What else would you do with him?

Put him in plastic, like a guy
did at school with his lizard.

Plastic?

That way I could keep him
and look at him forever.

Hey, that sounds
like a good idea.

Yeah, but Mom says it cost too darn
much old money, and she hasn't got it.

At least till Dad gets back,

and he'll be gone
the whole darn old week.

So I have to bury Charlie,

'cause Mom says if I don't,
he'll start to smell.

Yeah, he will.
She's got a point.

If there were only some way to
keep Charlie till Dad gets home.

Yeah.

Well, that's easy.
Freeze him. Freeze him?

Sure. Put him in a bag in your
freezer, and he'll keep for months.

No kidding? Yeah.

Honest? Oh, boy!

Oh, boy. What?

I just remembered...
We haven't got a freezer.

Only the top part of a refrigerator,
and that's jammed full.

Well, we've got plenty of room in ours.
Want me to keep him for you?

- Would you?
- Well, sure.

We've always got enough
room in our freezer...

for the best friend
Davey Selden ever had.

I wish he'd have known you,
Gidge. He'd have liked you.

Tonight we feast.

What feast?
I did the shopping.

Uh-uh. What gives?

Steak... that thick.

Mushrooms...

and asparagus
with hollandaise...

and the fixings
for Cherries Jubilee.

We have some french fries
in the freezer, don't we?

I don't know.
What's the occasion?

Tomorrow afternoon, I am being
interviewed by California Weekly magazine.

You are? What for?

Well, it seems that word
has gotten around...

that Professor Russell
Lawrence, your dear old dad,

is not... repeat, not...
One of those old fogies...

that goes around tsk-tsking
at the younger generation.

I like them, I understand them,
I don't think they're outrageous,

I think they're perfectly normal,
and nothing they do surprises me.

That's great, Dad.
Watch it.

- What?
- Don't defrost the alligator.

♪ If you're in doubt
about angels ♪

♪ Being real

♪ I can arrange to change

♪ Any doubts you feel

♪ Wait till you see
my Gidget ♪

♪ You'll want her
for your valentine ♪

♪ You're gonna say
she's all that you adore ♪

♪ But stay away
Gidget is spoken for ♪

♪ You're gonna find
that Gidget is ♪

♪ Mine ♪

Well, I suppose if you have to keep an
alligator, that's not a bad way to do it.

Originally, we had him in a
plastic bag filled with water,

but he just kind of flopped around, and
Davey was afraid that he'd freeze crooked.

This way, he's a nice curve...
Charlie.

Hmm? Hmm?

Oh, that was his name... Charlie.
May he rest in ice.

Here.

We'll put him next to the deviled
crab so he won't get lonesome.

Deviled crab! So it's beef stew.

In Charlie's condition,
he'll never know the difference.

Don't forget the french fries.

Oh, I don't see 'em. If they were
here, Annie probably took them.

Doesn't your sister ever do
her own marketing and cooking?

Not when she's gone over her
budget, which is, like, always.

Tell me more
about the interview.

Oh, nothing. A reporter
coming tomorrow around : .

He is going to take
pictures, isn't he?

Of course. Of me.

Oh, Dad, it's just that you...
you photograph so very young...

that no one will believe you
have a full-grown daughter

unless they see the proof.

In that case, we better phone
Anne and have her come over.

Oh, Dad!

Hello. The, uh,
Selden family live here?

Yes, sir.
I'm Davey.

Your mother at home? She's gone
to the market.

Oh. Well, tell her the man

from the California Bureau of
Animal Protection was here.

You a dogcatcher?

No. It's about the alligator. Your
mother did buy an alligator, didn't she?

But we haven't got him
anymore. He's gone.

- Gone?
- Gidget's got him.

Gidget?

Larue, I don't have time
to talk to you now.

Oh, no.
Now look what you've done.

You've made me late
and him early.

The reporter. That's who.
He's at the door.

I'll talk to you later.
Bye.

Hello. Hello.

I'm Harry McCann. Won't you come in?

Please sit down. Thank you.

We didn't expect you
till about : . You expected me?

Well, certainly. Oh, you must be familiar
with the routine.

Most people aren't. Well, I watch
a lot of movies.

So do I.

Now, uh, what is the full name?

Mine or his?

- His.
- Russell. Russell Lawrence.

- And, uh, how's he doing?
- How's he doing what?

Is he eating?

Well, sure, but I don't think
that'd make much of a story. Do you?

Who do you think I am?

I don't know.
Who do you think I think you are?

I'm with the California Bureau of
Animal Protection, Wild Animal Division.

- Wild animals? Well...
- Do you or do you not have an alligator?

Charlie? Charlie?

Charlie's the alligator.
Russ is my dad.

You don't make yourself
very clear.

- I don't?
- I thought you were somebody else.

But the little boy next door told
me that you have his alligator.

Oh, yes, I do.

- Then you do have it?
- Right.

- Good.
- In the freezer.

Fine. Now we've
got that straight.

The point is you have to take out
a permit to keep a wild animal.

- In the freezer?
- Yes.

- Why?
- He's dead.

Oh.

It seems to me I'm not the one
that's making myself very clear.

You see, when Davey told me
how much he loved Charlie,

well, I wanted to do
something to help him.

We gotta get you
out of here, Charlie.

The man is an alligator catcher.

All I can say is
you've made my day.

Go ahead.
I'll let myself out.

Bye. Thanks.

- Hello.
- Hello. Is Professor Lawrence in?

Professor Lawrence?
No, he isn't, but this is his daughter.

- Can I take a message?
- This is Brian Mack.

Who? Brian Mack?

Oh, yes. The editor
of the magazine. Hi.

I'm terribly sorry, but Mr. Tracy, the
writer who's going to interview your dad,

is stuck on the freeway
with a flat tire.

- I'm afraid he's going to be late.
- Oh, that's too bad.

But at least now I have
a chance to get dressed.

Will you tell your dad that Mr. Tracy won't
be there for at least a couple of hours?

Yes, I sure will.
Right away. Bye-bye.

Gidge? Hoo-hoo.

Oh, hi. Hi yourself.

Who are you calling? Dad.

The reporter had a flat or something. He
won't be able to be here till : or : .

Dad won't have to rush either. Oh, darn.
That certainly ruins my schedule.

I was going to the market after,
and now I guess I'll have to go before.

Life's full of tough breaks,
ain't it, kid?

Professor Lawrence, please.

I'll see you later. Bye, Annie.

Dad? Relax.
You've got plenty of time.

We just got a call
from the man...

I wouldn't have to go to the market
if I only had something for dinner.

So, now I've got
something for dinner.

Hi. How do you do?
Sorry I'm so late.

Oh, that's all right. Won't you come in?
Dad'll be home in a minute.

Hold it. Hmm?

You are from the California
Weekly magazine, aren't you?

Yes. Oh, good.

I just don't want to make the same
mistake twice. What mistake was that?

Well, this afternoon...
Come on in. Oh, thank you.

This man came to the door,
and naturally I thought it was you.

But it turns out
it wasn't after all. Who was he?

Oh, he was from the California
Bureau of Animal Protection.

Won't you have a seat? Oh, thank you.

About the alligator. Alligator?

In the freezer.

Hi. Anybody home? Oh, here's Dad.

Hi, Dad.
Mr. Tracy's here.

And Anne and John
said they'd be over later.

Fine, fine. How are you, Mr. Tracy?
How do you do, Professor?

I'm sorry about
the delay and all. It's quite all right.

Worked out fine
for me too. Sit down. Oh, thank you, sir.

Now, what we had in mind
was an article about you...

in relation to your
daughters, your students...

and your general attitude towards
the young people of today.

I'm all for 'em.

Good.

What alligator in what freezer?

Oh, that's right. I was telling you
about the man, about the mix-up.

- What man?
- Well, this man came to the door today,

and I thought he was from the magazine,
but he was here about Charlie.

- Charlie?
- Charlie.

The alligator. It seems you need a permit.

A... No kidding?

- A permit?
- And not only for alligators.

For all wild animals.
But you can get three for $ .

Three alligators?

I suppose.
But why would anyone want three?

I don't know why anybody
would want one.

Frankly, I don't either.

But you said you had one.

Yes. But ours
is in the freezer.

Oh, there I go again,
forgetting to explain myself.

Charlie's dead, Mr. Tracy.
That's why he's in the freezer.

Would you like to see him?
No, not especially. Please.

I-I really wouldn't.

See what I mean
about kids today?

They're smart, ingenious.

I would never have thought of putting
an alligator in the freezer. Would you?

No. No, I'm sure
I wouldn't. Positive.

Yet how else would you keep one?
Can you think of any other way?

No, but... Then, of course,
up till now, I've never tried.

Daddy! What in the world?

Daddy! Daddy!

Gidget, what's the matter?
He's gone! Charlie's gone!

Gone?

Remember? He was in the freezer,
right next to the beef stew.

Now he's nowhere.
Maybe he got moved around.

Did you look inside?
All those casseroles look the same.

He was in a casserole? What'll I do?

- Where could he have gone?
- He couldn't just disappear into thin air.

Oh, yes, he could.
He was in our freezer, right? Mm-hmm.

And aren't things in our
freezer always disappearing? Annie.

Who else? She was here earlier,
and she was supposed to go to the market.

But I'll bet...

Daddy, I'll bet she's
cooking Charlie for dinner!

The alligator? Yes! Come on. Quick.
Get her on the phone.

Maybe I'm in the wrong house.
Please? I'm in the wrong house?

Anne? Did you take a
casserole from our freezer?

Would you stop hollering?
I only took one.

How do I know which one? Frankly,
Gidget, all your casseroles taste alike.

What do you mean, not this one?

Because it's what?
What!

She took it all right.
Listen to her.

She's probably already cooking it.
Anne? Anne?

Let's hope she's got him
in a slow oven. Anne?

What is it?

Get it out!

Annie, what are you doing?

Anne, listen to me.

- No!
- What? What? All right, what?

- Here.
- Anne? Anne? Anne?

Anne? Anne? Anne?

All right. It's okay. It's okay.
It's all gone. It's all gone.

Hey! Somebody!
Anybody! Anne?

Anne?

Hello? It's all right.
It's all gone.

What do you mean it's all gone?

What did you do?

Ohh. What is it?
What'd they do?

They put Charlie down
the garbage disposal.

Listen, I've been thinking.

Maybe it would be better if I
came back some other time, hmm?

Yes, it would. Why don't you do that?
Perhaps after dinner.

I'm, uh...
I'm terribly sorry to have imposed

our personal problems on you like this.

Oh, that's all right. They're very
interesting. Very interesting and unusual.

Most unusual. The most
unusual I've ever heard.

Good-bye, alligator...
I mean, Professor.

Daddy, what am I gonna do?

Aw, come on, honey.
Can't be all that bad.

Oh, yes, it can. It was all my
idea, and look how I messed it up.

Davey is just
gonna be crushed flat.

He'll understand.
He'll get over it.

Yeah, don't bet on it. Charlie meant
just about everything to Davey.

Do you remember the first
puppy you ever had?

The day he ran away,
you thought it was the end of the world.

Then I brought home
that little beagle.

Things looked a lot
brighter, didn't they?

Yeah, but
that's different. Not really.

Look, why don't we get another
pet for Davey and help him forget?

Well, maybe he'd forget Charlie,

but every time he saw an
alligator for as long as he lived,

he'd think of me
and how I let him down.

You've got one good thing
going for you anyway. What?

Well, you don't hardly see very
many alligators these days.

Daddy, this is
no time to be joking.

Just getting Davey another pet
won't take Charlie's place.

An alligator's an alligator,
and you just...

Wait a second.
That's it! Huh?

What are you doing?

Hello? Exotic Pet Shop?
Tell me... Do you carry alligators?

Oh, no, no, no. Small size.
Say about inches.

You do? Great.

Listen, I don't suppose
there's the remotest chance...

of you having one that's, uh,
gone on to greener pastures?

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Listen, I was only asking.

I mean, after all,
we've all gotta go sometime.

You'll see.
You'll see. Will you stop?

I don't know
what this is all about,

but I do know there has
to be some explanation.

Hi. Hi.

Well, we're not
out of the woods yet.

Have you ever tried
to buy a dead alligator? See?

Won't you come in?

This is my editor,
Mr. Mack.

Gidget... the youngest daughter.

How do you do? Hi.

No help from the San Diego Zoo.

Oh, that's Mr. McCann. He's from the
California Bureau of Animal Protection.

So kind of him. If anybody can
find us a dead alligator, he can.

Mr. Tracy. Hi.

Mr. Tracy brought his editor, Mr. Mack.
Brian Mack, Professor.

Oh, sorry. My hands are wet.
I've been putting Sam back in the bathtub.

Sam?

He's a sick alligator
we got at the pet store.

And he even looks a bit like Charlie,
which is a big break. How's he doing?

Ah, poor guy just lies there.

Oh. Is he warm enough?
Got enough food?

I thought you wanted him to die.

Mr. Tracy! What kind of
people do you think we are?

- We most certainly do not.
- No.

But then, on the other hand...

Oh, for heaven's sake!

I don't want two alligators
on my conscience!

Oh, cheer up.
Maybe John can save the day.

John? Another alligator?

Oh, no, no, no.
John is Anne's husband.

And he has this aunt
who has some pocketbooks...

Yes. He thinks he can find some skins
and put 'em together and stuff them.

More bad news. The TV and Motion
Picture Animal Farm out in the valley.

The only ones they've got are too
big, too healthy or they're working.

Right this way, gentlemen.
We can talk in here.

Plenty of skin, but no head.

Oh, perfect self-description
if I ever heard one.

- My son-in-law, John.
- Uh-huh. How do you do?

Don't worry, John.
We've still got Sam.

- Sam?
- He's the sick one in the bathtub.

- What's the matter with him?
- Don't know.

He seems on his last legs.

Mind if I take a look at him?

Don't you think you oughta
take a look at your wife first?

Basic rule of the profession...

Never treat friends
or relatives.

I said okay. Yes. All right.
Right in here.

I'll see what I can do
with Annie.

Hmm.

So.

What seems to be the trouble,
little fella?

Okay, now sit down here,

and then, uh, I'll fix you
some tea or something, okay?

Uh-huh. Oh, Annie,
please stop crying.

I... I can't. My tear ducts
are out of control.

Gidget?

It's Davey!

Oh, no!

Davey! Golly, Gidget,
can't you get him to go?

Who? The alligator catcher.

I'm running out of ice. What do you mean?

I used up all the ice cubes
in our house,

and I spent every dime and nickel
I could find on the ice machine.

And now I haven't
any more money.

And if he doesn't go soon,
Charlie's going to turn to slush.

Charlie? You mean you've got Charlie?
You've had him all along?

Sure. I couldn't let
that man take him away.

Oh, Davey!
Oh, thank heavens!

We were so worried.
I'm so glad.

Boy, if it isn't slush,
it's mush.

Oh. Come on. We gotta go in and
tell everybody the good news.

But I thought we had to do the interview
today in order to make the next edition.

No, no, Professor.
The kind of article we had in mind...

can be done at any time, right?

Yes, anytime.
Any other time.

Stop worrying about Sam now.

He finally d*ed? No. He's better than ever.

There was nothing the matter with him.
He was just lonely.

Whatever it was
was purely psychosomatic.

Great.

For the last time,
Tracy, okay, okay.

Okay.
Relax, everyone. Relax.

Davey has Charlie.
He's had him all the time.

Isn't that great? Where did you have him?

Isn't it wonderful? I couldn't
be happier.

You never did get a chance
to see Charlie, did you?

Did you ever see
an alligator? No.

I'll show you one.
Just a minute.

Hello. Somebody said you were
looking for an alligator.

How about Zelda?

Oh, uh, well, I... I think
she's a little too short.

Too short? Too short.

Good night, honey. Good night, Dad.

I'm sure glad we got
everything straightened out

with Mr. Mack and Mr. Tracy.

Yeah. So am I. I can't wait to see
what they write about you.

I think they're going back to what
they originally intended to write...

How I feel about young people...

Now that the issues aren't
confused with alligators.

I suppose they couldn't
help being confused.

But, you know, in a way,
it was their own fault.

I mean, if they didn't understand,
why didn't they come right out and ask?

What alligator? What do you mean?
Where? How? Why?

They asked. Yes. But not hard enough.

You know, that's the trouble
with a lot of people today...

They're afraid
to ask hard enough.

If they did, they wouldn't have any problem
understanding anything about alligators.

Or young people.
Toodles.