01x02 - Sugar Squeeze/Tag, You're It

[bunniefuu]

kids: ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ I'm off to summer camp ♪

kids: ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ Through nature I will tramp ♪

kids: ♪ SpongeBob ♪ - [screaming]

kids: ♪ Will have you screaming ♪

- ♪ While milk is streaming right out of your nose ♪

[screaming]

♪ ♪

kids: ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ When nature's calling, you'll see me hauling ♪

♪ I'm hitting the trail ♪ [toilet flushes]

[whistling tune]

- Mm-hmm.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the last pinecone.

- My candy!

- [muffled] Hmm? What's the matter?

- My candy!

It's gone.

- Don't worry, Patrick, you can have some of my stash.

- Hmm. [grunts]

Huh, huh?

[gasps] My stash is empty too!

both: Our candy's gone!

- My candy is gone too.

- Mine too!

- Yah!

Seems our sweets have been swiped

by candy rustlers.

Look! - Hey!

- Candy droppings.

[mysterious music]

Seems like we got ourselves a woodland creature

with a sweet tooth.

We need something sweet for bait.

- Mmm, I'm sweet.

[chuckles]

- If I was a hungry animal,

I'd eat you all up, SpongeBob.

- Aw, you're just saying that, Sandy.

- Just stick to the plan.

We'll be all watching you from behind that kelp tree.

- And we'll stay up all night if we have to.

[all snoring]

- [snores]

Huh?

[grunts]

- [snarling]

- [heavy breathing]

Aah!

Help!

[campers screaming]

- We're coming, SpongeBuddy!

[campers gasping] - Help!

It's eating me!

- [gnawing] Eh?

- Aw.

It's just a little nibbler.

- [grunts] - Aah!

Ugh!

- Little boy, did you eat all our candy?

- [babbling gibberish]

- Uh, does anyone understand this gibber-gabber?

[dramatic musical sting] Whoa!

- Aah!

- Huh? Aah!

- Aah!

- [whimpers] [screams]

- Patrick? Sandy?

Where is everybody? [gasps]

- [grunts]

- [screaming] [grunts]

Huh?

[gasps] Mommy!

I'm too young to be unwrapped!

[grunts] [screaming]

[scary music]

[campers screaming and whimpering]

[squeaking]

- Leaping lollies!

- That's the kid that ate our candy!

- Let's pump his stomach! [grunts]

Mmm.

- Stay away from him! [campers screaming]

- Or feel the wrath

of de-feet!

[campers whimpering]

- Hup! [laughs]

I'm just funnin' ya, kids.

[laughing] - Ow.

- Oh.

- Who are you?

- My name-o is Narlene Narwhal.

[grunts]

And that hushpuppy over yonder,

well, he's my bouncing bro, Nobby.

- Uh, hey yo!

[country music]

Hey! Ta-dah!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Wow! - Hmph.

Now just hold on

a hot Houston minute!

- [laughing] Ooh.

- While it's nice to hear you're not a hungry monster,

you still stole all our candy!

- Mm-hmm. - [grunts]

- We're not thieves, y'all.

We just borrow-fied your candy

so's I can make a fresh batch

of "Sugar-squeeze!"

both: Sugar-squeeze?

- [grunts] [humming]

[grunting]

♪ ♪

[whistle blows] [machine rumbles]

- Hmm.

- [laughs]

[bell dings]

[bluegrass music]

♪ Sugar-squeeze! ♪

Candy wishes it was this dandy. - Ooh.

- [grunts]

[laughing]

- So, what you think?

- Ooh-wee!

Ooh, it's good sugar-squeeze right there.

- Sugar-squeeze for all y'all!

[laughs]

Whoo-hoo!

[all sighing]

[both gurgling]

[both sighing]

You know something, Narlene?

I'm starting to like you.

- Why I'm mighty fond of you too, Sandy,

and I am loving that tail.

[laughter]

- Oh, this old thing?

- Let's hear it for Narlene and her sugar-squeeze,

the best candy ever!

campers: Yay!

- Hey, y'all, you wanna meet my kin folks?

- Howdy there! [friendly hollering]

- [humming]

Ha-hoo!

- [gasps] [both gargling]

[campers gurgling]

- Whoo!

[campers cheering]

- Yeah!

- Whoo!

[campers cheering]

- Left turn, Patrick.

- [chortling]

- SpongeBob, right turn.

- [laughing]

campers: Fun time, yay! [campers cheering]

- Yippie!

- [laughing]

- Ooh!

Oh, I guess it's time for me and Nobby

to get on back and feed the mules.

- [whinnies]

- [sighs]

Gee, Narlene, thanks for the sweet surplus.

I can't wait to share it with the whole camp.

- Share?

- Aw, bless your cute little holes.

- [chuckles]

- Slurp that sugar-squeeze, kids!

We'll have some fun again!

- Soon? - Sooner than you think!

Yah! Giddy up, mule!

[laughs]

- [recorded voice] Money... money...

Money...

- [sighing] [snoring]

- Money! - Aah!

[campers laughing] - [gasping]

Huh?

[campers cheering]

- [laughing]

- [laughs]

- Whoo! - [grunts]

[upbeat bombastic music]

[grunts] - Eee!

- What is going on here?

Have you kids been eating fireflies?

[campers cheering] - [gasps]

Curfew, campers! Lights out!

Remain in your cabin!

[grunting]

[grunting]

Aah!

[moaning]

[campers laughing and cheering]

- What are the parents gonna do

when they see their kids like this?

- [laughing]

- Salutations, strangers.

If I didn't know any better,

I'd say those youngins'

got into some sugar-squeeze.

- Oh, no, not sugar-squeeze.

That stuff is like catnip for kids.

It's kidnip.

- You know, I've heard tell

of a wonder cure for sugar-squeeze,

and if you lean in real close now...

[grunts]

[laughs]

I'll sell it to you!

- [gasps] Hurray!

- Howdy there, friends!

Do you wanna be happier than a mule in a mud puddle?

Do you wanna go faster than greased lightning

off a hop toad's hide?

Well, step right up

to Thunder Squeeze,

the greatest thrill ride in the county!

Can I get a lucky volunteer up here to demonstrate?

- [babbles gibberish] Right here.

- All righty!

Little boy,

that I have never seen before in my life,

ready to have fun?

- [laughing]

[grunting]

[babbling gibberish]

[bombastic music]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

[British accent] Gosh, that was ever so much fun.

I do believe I need a nap.

[snoring]

- That looks like fun! - I wanna ride next!

[campers cheering]

- It works! Whoo-hoo!

I want you to cure the whole camp!

Wait a minute.

How much is this gonna cost me?

- I got no use for legal tender.

- You no want money?

- Nope, but I'll trade you for goods.

This is for Cousin Joe.

Cousin June, Cousin Jeb, Cousin Jan.

Oh, for Cousin Grandma.

- [gasps] Aah!

[campers laughing]

- Do we have a deal?

- [gasps] Deal.

[campers gasping]

[campers laughing]

[campers grunting]

- [yawning]

[campers cheer]

[campers laughing]

[campers snoring]

- [yawns] [grunts]

- [snoring]

[both yawn]

[both snoring]

- [laughing] [campers cheering]

- [sighs] We squeezed them all out.

[sighs] [snoring]

- [grunts]

- [babbling gibberish]

- Aw, you're right, Nobby.

Them city critters may not be country,

but they sure are fun.

[laughter]

[bluegrass music]

♪ ♪

both: Huh?

- Wow! - Ooh!

- Narlene is so cool.

- And so funny.

- And so...

[both snoring]

- [whinnies]

- Whoo! - [grunting]

[campers grunting]

[upbeat music]

- [grunting]

- [grunting]

Ooh!

- [grunting]

Ooh!

[all sighing]

- Well, now that we're done stretching,

are we all ready for an epic,

monumental, outdoor game of...

Tag?

Sandy and Patrick: Tag!

- Playing tag?

Just the three of you?

[campers squealing]

- That's right. - Just the three of us.

- All right, all right. Go.

Get outta my hair.

Hmm.

[campers cheering]

[thunder rolls]

- Aw. - Agh!

- Ooh. Aw.

[sad country music]

♪ ♪

[campers crying]

- I thought I told you to play outside!

- We can't play tag outside.

It's raining.

- Well, then play inside,

quietly.

Very quietly.

[together] Very quietly.

- [whispering] Quietly.

campers: Hmm...

[campers squealing]

- Huh?

- You're it.

- [laughs] And now you're it.

- Mmm.

Yah! Oh!

- Mmm!

[gasps]

[babbles]

- [laughs]

Yow!

Yah! [grunts]

- Yah! Ah.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ La-da-dee, la-da-dum, la-da-d-- ♪

Hm? [loud crashing]

[laughter] - [grunting]

- You're it! - Hmm?

- [growls]

What on Earth is-- What the...

- More tea? - Yes, please.

- And may I have a crumpet? - Mmm.

[laughter]

- Mmm, crumpets, huh? Yeah.

- Very clever. Very, very clever.

[laughter] [loud crashing]

- Hmm. I'm not falling for it.

- [gasps]

- Eee!

- Don't tag me! No!

- Tag him! Tag him!

- [grunting]

♪ ♪

No, no! Don't tag me!

Please! I'm too young!

- [straining]

- No, no, no, no, no, no! - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

- [groaning]

Tag!

- No! [crying]

- All right, that's it!

- Uh, eh... both: Uh-oh.

- What? What's wrong?

Huh?

- Hello!

- Aah!

- You got something on your head.

- Ow!

[grunts] [campers shouting]

- And stay out!

- Oh, but it's muddy out here!

- And it's cold!

- And the sky's crying.

- Here you go.

[upbeat music]

[campers shivering]

- [chuckles]

- You're it.

- You're it. - You're it.

- You're it. - You're it.

- You're it. - You're it.

- You're it. - You're it.

- You're it. - You're it.

- You're it. - You're it.

- Yo, Dinghies!

You're gonna catch cold out there.

Come inside.

[thunder rolls] [wind blows]

- Be careful in here.

These jocks tend to play rough.

[upbeat music]

- Here, dry off, you drips.

[campers grunting]

[campers laughing]

- All right, Frigates, where were we?

- Hey, Larry, what's going on in here?

- Well, I'm trying to teach these lunkheads

that the brain is the most important muscle in the body.

- The brain ain't a muscle. It's an organ.

- [laughing]

- Today we're exercising our intellects.

In the classic poem, "Jack Be Nimble, Jack Be Quick,"

what did Jack jump over?

- Eh, his mommy?

- An offshore oil rig?

- Uh, me?

- [sighs]

- [laughs] You're it.

- [laughs] You're it.

- [laughs] You're it.

- [laughs] Yah, you're it!

[ragtime music]

- What are you doing? - Playing tag.

- Jock be nimble!

Tag, you're it!

- Aah! [grunts]

[grunts] Grr!

[laughs] Jock be quick!

- Ooh! - Yah!

You're it! Tag!

- Agh.

Oh, it's on, bros.

Tag!

[all grunting]

- [laughing] - Oh!

[all panting] - You're it.

And Dinghies, do me a favor

and don't come back.

Your games are too rough.

- Tag!

- [screaming]

[loud crashing]

- ♪ We're gonna play tag ♪

♪ We're not gonna quit ♪

[rock music]

♪ I don't wanna brag, but tag, you're it ♪

[both laughing] [both gasping]

- ♪ You better run now, go lickety split ♪

[grunts]

♪ I don't wanna brag, but tag, you're it ♪

♪ Tag, you're it ♪

♪ Tag, you're it ♪

♪ A-B-C-D, everybody's tagging me! ♪

♪ Uno-dos-tres-quatro ♪

♪ Did I tag you? I thought so! ♪

[laughing]

♪ We're gonna play tag, we're not gonna quit ♪

- [gulping]

- ♪ I don't wanna brag, but tag, you're it ♪

- [grunts]

- ♪ Tag, you're it! ♪ [campers shouting]

- ♪ Tag, you're it ♪

♪ Tag, you're it ♪ ♪ Tag, you're it ♪

♪ Gotcha ♪ ♪ Tag, you're it ♪

[laughing] Tag!

- [gasps]

[laughter]

[bright music]

- Hmm. Huh?

Aw.

Dinghy cabin, front and center!

Line up.

- Is this right? - Oh, I think I--

- Or this, or maybe this? - Or this?

- [sighs]

Instead of playing out in the rain

and catching pneumonia,

why don't you come inside and play with Pearl

and catch something more exotic

like chicken pox or mumps?

[campers moaning]

- I'm kidding. She's had her sh*ts.

- [cooing]

- Just keep her amused with your shenanigans

until I finish me work upstairs,

and be quiet. [sighs]

[yawning]

- Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money...

- Now where were we?

- [clears throat]

Derived from the Old English for "hit,"

I believe-- tag, you're it!

- [cooing]

- Aw, look.

Baby Pearl wants to play tag with us.

Ain't that adorable?

- [cooing]

- Tag, you're it,

you little cutie.

- [scoffs] Babies can't play tag!

[grunts]

They don't have their brains yet.

- [belches]

- [angry gibberish]

[campers grunting]

[together] Wow!

- A triple tag?

That's never been done before.

- Wow, Pearl just made history.

- Thanks for nothing! Stupid brains.

- Well, little lady,

it looks like instead of having one "it" person to deal with,

now you've got three.

[together] Ready?

- Uh-oh!

[campers shouting]

[rock music]

- [grunting]

♪ ♪

[campers grunting]

- [cooing]

[all screaming]

- Aah!

[campers grunting]

[tense music]

- [snoring]

- Yoo-hoo. Baby Pearl?

- Sweetie pie?

- Where are--

- [cooing]

- Okay, it doesn't count

unless all three of us tag her at the same time.

On the count of three:

one, two, three!

[all shouting]

- What the...

- [laughing]

[thunder rolls] Aah!

[relaxed music]

- Ah, peace and quiet.

[yawns]

♪ ♪

[thundercrack]

- Counselor Squidward! Hmm.

- Yes, sir?

- I order you to play tag with your campers,

and keep them out of me shell!

Well, go ahead.

[laughing]

- [laughs] Tag, Mr. Tentacles.

You're it.

- I'm it?

Ah, well, I must confess,

I've always wanted to play tag with you three,

but you never asked me. Boy, this is the greatest--

- Hey, guys, it stopped raining!

Let's go swimming!

[campers cheering]

- [laughs] Looks like you're it forever.

- Tag!

- [gasping]

- You're it forever!

[laughing]

Yeah!

- Come back here, counselor!

I'm gonna tag you so hard

your suction cups are gonna spin!

[laughter]

- Tag, you're it! [laughs]

[upbeat whistling music]

♪ ♪