01x04 - In Search of Camp Noodist/Kitchen Sponge

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ I'm off to summer camp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ Through nature I will tramp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob will have you screaming ♪

- ♪ Till milk is streaming right out of your nose ♪

Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa!

Ahh! Ahh!

♪ ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ When nature's calling ♪

♪ You'll see me hauling ♪

♪ I'm hitting the trail ♪

- There are no activities scheduled for today,

Koral Kampers.

I repeat, there's nothing to do,

and I'm bored.

- Eh...

- [grunts]

- I wish the adults had planned some activities for today

- Yeah. No activities means no something.

- I'm more bored than a steer in a fashion show.

- [sighs] Well, I could watch you two be bored for hours.

- You know, you kids just don't get it.

This is great.

I get to spend all day

with my three favorite campers.

[all gasp]

Me, myself, and I.

Ha-ha-ha!

[all sigh]

- Psst. both: Ahh!

- Y'all looking for something to do?

- Yes, magic stump.

Please, anything.

- Ahh!

- [laughs]

It's just Narlene, y'all.

And have I got a doozy of an adventure for you.

Y'all ever seen a nudist camp?

Nudist camp? What's that?

- Why, it's an entire camp of folk

who like to wander around in their birthday suits,

like, totally naked.

[laughter]

- She said "suit."

- That's ridiculous.

Who lets the sun shine where sun don't shine?

- Oh, it's ridiculous all right,

ridiculously real.

[laughter]

- Well, then, this I got to see.

You know, for science.

Where is it?

- Well, that's where the adventure comes in.

You've got to follow the path into the dark,

scary woods and find the rock

that looks like your grumpy pal over there.

- [grunts]

- Take a right, and if you fall into the bottomless chasm,

well, then you've gone too far.

- [whimpers]

- All righty, y'all.

Let's take a minute to study Narlene's map.

- No need. both: Ahh!

- I've got a phonographic memory.

- But, Patrick, shouldn't we take a closer look?

- Phonographic.

both: Whoa!

- It's this way.

- [laughs]

- Ahh, peace and quiet.

[slurping]

Wait a second, kids ain't quiet.

Counselor, where is everyone?

- My cabin snuck off looking for some sort of nudist camp.

- They what?

- Ahh!

- Those kids ain't ready to bear witness

to the harsh realities of the adult form.

If it drives them batty, their parents will blame me.

Eww.

Come on. We've got to stop those campers

before they get a peek at that darn hippie hoo-ha show.

- Oh, no. This is a free day.

I am not leaving this chair.

- I can work with that.

- [mumbling]

[laughter]

- Okay, who am I?

Oh, my.

No running in the camp, children.

- [laughs]

- That's a spot-on Mrs. Puff there, SpongeBob.

But who am I? [growls]

Campin' ain't free. Where's me money?

Ahh-gah-gah-gah-gah.

[laughter]

- Camp Master Krabs.

- My turn.

Oh, oh, oh, uh...

- Oh, you must be Patrick.

- I am?

[laughter]

- Oh, look. Is that the Squidward rock

Narlene was talking about?

- Oh, yeah. That's him.

- Definitely Squidward, yes.

- Then a-starboard we shall go.

So what do you guys think it will be like?

- Well, this could be my biggest

scientific expedition yet.

Just think of how much I'll learn about fish anatomy.

Mm-hmm.

[horn fanfare]

- And I want to eat nude food.

Oh, let me help you with that.

[munching]

- Well, I just wanted to go hiking

with two of my best friends.

It's a shame my other best friend isn't here.

Mr. Tentacles loves the woods.

- I hate the woods.

Bugs are biting me.

Someone left trash everywhere.

And the trees keep messing with me.

- Oh, don't be paranoid.

It's just nature.

- Oh, it's just--ahh!

both: Heh-heh-heh-heh.

- What the? Hmm.

- Quit your lollygagging back there, counselor.

Which way are we going?

- Well, we're supposed to turn right

at the rock that looks like me.

- You mean like this one?

Looks just like you, don't it?

- Huh? Hmm.

Hmm.

Ahem.

- Hmm, are you sure?

I still think that other rock was the one.

- [sighs]

- These woods are thicker than granny's molasses.

I hate to say it, fellas, but I think were lost.

- Don't worry.

I'll just use my phonographic memory.

[record needle scratches]

Oh, we're doomed!@

- Well, hey there, g*ng.

- Ahh!

- Whatcha doing way out here?

Y'all are mighty far off course.

- Oh, Narlene, we're lost.

We can't remember what your map said to do.

- Well, well, well, if y'all still want to see

the nudist camp, there is a shortcut.

But it's dangerous.

[together] D-D-D-Dangerous?

- That's right.

You're going to have to use that old log

to cross that old bottomless chasm.

The camp's in a clearing just beyond.

Well, good luck, y'all.

[laughs]

- Hmm.

[rattling]

Ooh, um, it doesn't seem very safe.

- Don't be a baby, SpongeBob.

- Yee-ah! - Careful, Patrick!

- [humming]

[grunting]

After you.

- [groans]

[whimpering]

[both breathing heavily]

- Ahh.

- Ahh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

- Patrick! - Oh, no!

- [grunting]

See? Perfectly safe.

- [gasping]

Ugh!

Oh, that's it.

I can't take any more nature.

You'll have to go on without me.

- Okay. - What?

- [whistling] - What? Wait, hey!

Don't leave me alone out here. I'm defenseless.

- Good point.

This will protect you from wild animals.

Not that there's any wild animals around here.

- Huh? - [chuckles]

All right, I got to go stop those kids

from ruining their innocence.

Back for you soon. - [whimpering]

[ominous music]

- [gulps]

- Hello, there.

This must be the nudist camp?

- What makes you say that?

- Well, you are nude.

- Actually, I'm only partially nude.

I like to think of myself as a bridge

between the clothed and the unclothed,

between the fabric and the flesh,

born of two worlds but belonging to neither.

- Well, I'm from the fully clothed camp up the road,

and I'll just need to take a quick look around, so...

- Yeah, I don't think so.

- Whoa, hey, what ever happened to professional courtesy?

You won't let a fellow Camp Master in?

- Oh, you can go in, just, uh, not wearing that.

- Oh. [sighs]

Oh, boy.

- Dagnabbit.

This is where Narlene said the camp would be.

There ain't nothing here. - You sure about that?

- Ahh!

- [babbling]

- Step right this way.

Feast your eyes on...

the new dust camp.

[laughter]

Get it? New dust.

Just look at all them dusty little campers.

We made them with our own dust.

[trilling tongue]

[together] Ugh.

- And this here is the old dust camp.

[laughter]

[all groan]

- All right, Narlene, you had your fun.

Great joke. Come on, boys. Let's go home.

- Oh, don't be sore now, y'all.

We was just messin' with ya.

The real camp's right over there.

[laughter]

You should have seen your faces, though.

[laughter]

both: Ohh.

[all breathing heavily]

[giggling]

[giggling]

- Oh. - Hey.

- It's even stranger than I imagined.

[guitar music]

- Boy, fish sure look weird without clothes on, huh?

- Whoo-hoo!

- Yeah, especially that big ugly guy over there.

- Uh, eh, uh, hmm.

[together] Ahh!

Mr. Krabs?

- Ahh!

Okay, listen.

Being a single father of a giant baby,

it doesn't leave much time for exercise

or eating well or... oh, never mind.

Just get back to camp immediately.

And if anyone asks, this never happened.

- Well, how embarrassing for him.

- Patrick! Where are your pants?

- I don't want them anymore. I'm free!

- No! Patrick, come back!

Hey, at least put on shoes.

- Never!

- [laughs]

- Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.

Mm...

ehh...

[both shouting and babbling]

Sandy. Hey, Sandy. Sandy. Hey, Sandy. Sandy.

- Huh? What? Oh, hey, boys. What can I do your for?

- It's dinner time.

- Want to get food with us?

- Nah, y'all go on ahead.

I ate a late lunch.

Besides, I could use a little peace and quiet

to finish my new invention.

But you boys have fun now, you hear?

Okay. Thanks, Sandy. See you later.

- [grunting]

[indistinct chatter]

- Eh, form a line, you little miscreants.

There's enough for everyone.

Get back. Back, I say.

Whoa! Steady, girl.

Mommy!

Abandon canteen.

I repeat, abandon canteen.

- What in the seven seas is going on here?

- Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh!

- Why haven't these campers been fed yet, Mr. Plankton?

- Ehh..oof!

- Hmm.

[slurps]

This is breakfast slop.

You can't be feeding children breakfast slop at dinner.

That's what the dinner slop is for.

- Well, maybe I could get through breakfast

if you gave me a little help in the kitchen.

How was one little copepod supposed to serve

all these giant mouth breathers?

- Help in the kitchen, eh?

Sounds expensive. Unless...

Hey, kids,

I need an unpaid, very extra free volunteer.

Ooh.

[crickets chirping]

- Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

- All right.

Looks like it you are Mr. Plankton's new helper,

uh, um...SpongeBob.

- [groans] Ow.

- I like helping.

- [sighs] Fine. I guess he'll do.

Ahh!

- Hooray.

- Ahh! Ahh!

All right, we'll start off simple.

I command you to boil me a pot of water.

- Oh, easy-peasy.

Yah, yep.

Mm-hmm.

Voilà.

- Ahh!

Let's try something easier.

- Hmm.

Huh? Aww.

[humming]

Ow! Ow! [babbling]

[humming]

Wah!

Ehh, eee, ehh. - [groaning]

Ow! Enough!

This is a kitchen, not a clown school.

You're done. Finished.

Get out of here. - Aww.

- What is that?

- Oh, just a little soufflé I whipped up.

Wanna taste?

- [munching]

Sweet Neptune, it's perfect.

SpongeBob, you idiot, you're a genius!

- I am?

- In a very limited sense, yes.

Now, cook, boy. Cook. [cackles]

Cook like the wind.

[cackling]

- Breakfast.

- [yawns]

[all gasping]

- Step right up, campers,

and try our new delicious delectables.

- Yum.

- Mmm.

- [chuckling]

It's actually working.

- Nice job, Mr. Plankton.

You're really making this slop sing.

- Oh, it's not slop, Mr. Krabs.

We only use the finest, most select ingredients.

- How much is this fancy food costing me?

- I said go faster, not fleece me.

I want cheap, simple food for the children

or you're fired.

- Like this, Mr. Krabs?

- Hmm, looks simple enough.

[munching]

Oh, mama, that is a tasty patty.

- And it only took a few pennies

worth of ingredients to make.

- You made this Camp Master a very happy crab, SpongeBob.

Hey, check it out, kids.

We've got patties.

The only food you'll ever want

and the only food you'll ever get again.

[together] Yay!

- Behold the beautiful symmetry of its interior structure.

[sniffs]

- Righteous flavor.

[ominous music]

- [slurping]

- Sheesh.

How good can these things really be, anyway?

- [babbling]

- [cackling]

Hachi-machi.

Such clarity. Such flavor.

I'll steal your secrets.

I'll make lots of money.

I'll go to college.

And then... I'll take over the world!

- [humming]

- Oh, hey, there, SpongeBob.

- Ooh.

- Nice work with the patties.

They're a real big hit.

- Thanks. I'm just happy seeing how happy

they make everybody else happy.

- Yeah, that's real noble of you.

Say, could you tell me

what the ingredients for these patties are?

- Oh, sorry, Mr. Plankton.

I can never remember things like that.

- Barnacles.

How many times must I be foiled by a child's idiocy?

- That's why I wrote them down on this list.

You know, kind of like a formula.

This is the only copy, though.

So you should be very careful with it.

Here you go.

- Ehh-ehh-ehh-ehh!

[laughs] You fool!

The formula is mine and mine alone.

And I'm using it to conquer the world!

[whistles]

Step on it, my computer assistant.

- Yes, sir.

[together] Ahh!

- Mr. Plankton, wait.

Patties are for campers, not for world domination.

[grunting]

- Uh-oh.

[engine revving]

- [grunting]

[all chattering]

- Eee!

- Eh-eh...bah-bah-bah-bah.

- [grunting]

- [humming]

Ahh!

- [giggles]

- Oh-oh! - Ahh!

- Yah-oh!

both: Phew!

[babbling]

[glass shattering]

both: Ahh!

- Ugh! - Ahh!

- [cackling]

So long, SpongeBoob.

I win!

I'm the greatest! - I'm the--

ahh!

- Ugh! - Oh!

[grunting]

- [breathing heavily]

Oh, hey, Sandy.

What's up?

- Oh, I just finished my new invention.

Behold. The a*t*matic campfire.

- Wow.

Wow.

Sandy, you're the smartest squirrel I know.

- [laughs] I'm the only squirrel you know, SpongeBob.

- Yes!

Ahh! Ooh! Ahh!

No! No, no, no!

Ohh.

- My formula!

Well, I guess I can't make any more patties now.

- Oh, my gosh, SpongeBob.

I'm so sorry.

- [laughs] It's okay, Sandy.

I'll always cherish the flavorful memories.

- Take over the world with a patty?

What was I thinking?

- Maybe you could conquer the world

with a different food.

Hmm, how about chum?

I'll bet you could at least take over

the eastern seaboard with that.

- Hmm. Hmm? Hm.

Mm...

Huh?

[grunting]

Hmm.

- This is Little Cheeks calling Big Cheeks.

Come in, Big Cheeks, over.

- Affirmative, Little Cheeks.

This is Big Cheeks receiving you from the future.

How are things going in the past?

- [giggles] They're going great, Sandy.

Your plan worked perfectly.

The formula b*rned up before Mr. Plankton could nab it.

Now it can be safely rediscovered in the future.

- Good work, little Sandy.

I knew sending you to Kamp Koral

was the right thing to do.

Enjoy the rest of your summer. Over and out.

- [giggles] Bye, future me.

Ahh, mission accomplished.

Timeline preserved.

Now everything can continue just the way it's always been.

Totally normal.

- [panting]

[grunting]

Too dry. My butt needs more ketchup.

- Coming right up, sir.

[laughter]

- Yep, totally normal.