01x10 - My Fair Nobby/Gimme a News Break

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ I'm off to summer camp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ Through nature I will tramp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob will have you screaming ♪

- ♪ While milk is streaming right out of your nose ♪

Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa!

Ahh! Ahh!

♪ ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ When nature's calling ♪

♪ You'll see me hauling ♪

♪ I'm hitting the trail ♪

[light music]

- Ye-oop!

- SpongeBob!

What you boys up to?

- Ahh!

Hi, Narlene.

We're just doing arts and crafts.

I made a hugging sweater for me and Patrick.

[both grunting]

- And I made a--

a sweater ball.

- Say Narlene, are you running away?

What's with the stick and bindle?

- I ain't runnin' away.

I'm takin' my turn in the family feud.

Those blasted McClams have been a thorn

in my family's side for generations.

[grunts]

- [shouts]

- Problem is, Nobby's too young to join me.

He ain't allowed to feud none till he's older.

Think you could keep an eye on him till I get back?

both: Count us in.

- Great. Thanks, boys. Good luck.

Nobby can get a little wild at times.

- First things first,

we'll have to get a camp kerchief on you.

Here you go, Nobby. Nobby?

- Help me.

- Whoopsie-daisy.

Narlene was right.

Nobby does seem a tad f-frisky.

- Maybe we should calm him down?

- Great idea, Patrick. Nothing focuses

a boy's energies like vigorous camp activities.

all: Yay!

- [screams]

- [shouting]

- [shouting and laughing]

- Huh?

Huh? Huh?

There. See?

Shh.

both: Huh?

- [shouting unintelligibly]

- Wait! Calm down, Nobby.

Uh-oh.

both: Huh?

- Doesn't the thing with bouncing

and zapping usually happen by now?

- Oh. Shh!

- Now then, which is the salad fork?

- [gibbers]

- Very good.

You've earned another bon-bon.

Uh-uh.

In this cabin, we speak King Neptune's English.

- I'd like a candy, please ma'am.

- Excellent.

What a good little ruffian.

[both gasp]

- ♪ Well, I'm comin' back from feudin' today ♪

♪ Yeah, I whooped those rascals' booties, hooray ♪

♪ Oh, I did what needed doin ♪

♪ Them McClams was all boo-hooin' ♪

♪ Now I'm comin' back from feudin' today ♪

Howdy, fellas! I'm back for my baby bro.

He off raisin' a rumpus somewhere?

- Nobby? Raise a rumpus?

- Doesn't sound like him.

- What?

Huh?

[laughs]

Why Nobby,

ain't you just the slickest

little city critter I ever did see.

- Oh, please sister, call me Nobbert.

Nobby is so backwoods.

You see, my time among the upper crust

has revealed a frivolity of my previous lifestyle.

So if you'll excuse me.

- He's my inspiration.

- But. - There, there.

I'll be done standing perfectly still

in a couple of hours.

[laughing]

Artist! Focus!

- Yes, sir, Mr. Nobbert, sir.

- Whoa.

I don't understand.

Nobby can't stand still, even for a minute.

I seen him run a marathon in his sleep.

He came in second.

- Oh, gosh, I thought you'd be happy

to see Nobby finally calm down.

- Sure, Nobby was wild, but he was my bouncin' bro,

my country confidant, my prank partner.

If he's gone posh forever, what are we gonna do?

- Maybe we could welcome the new Nobby with open arms?

- Yeah, maybe.

- Or we could stuff him in a bag,

take him to the woods, and deprogram him.

- Now we're talkin'.

- Let me out of here. Help me.

How dare you? I can't breathe. Oh.

I say. What's going on here?

- Don't worry, Nobby.

We're just here to give you a little re-wildification.

- But I don't want to be wild.

Is this a joke? A jest?

A jape? Are you japing me?

- Oh, this ain't no jape.

We're gonna push that posh

right outta ya with the power of remembrances.

It's your favorite chewin' tree.

'Member?

Boys, show him how it's done.

- Ah, yes, I recall chewing.

How droll.

Splendid.

- Aw.

Wait a sec.

I got somethin' that's sure

to put the Hill back in your Billy.

Sugar Squeeze.

Your favorite candified beverage.

[glugging]

[gibbering wildly]

[gibbering and laughter]

- No, thank you. Sugar rots the horn.

I only imbibe hot water with lemon now,

but not too much lemon.

That would be crazy.

[laughs]

This stroll down memory lane

has been a marvelous distraction,

but I must be going.

I'm in dreadful need of some decent conversation,

and Missy promised to tell me

about her favorite tax shelters.

Ta.

- I can't believe it. Nobby's gone permanently posh.

- Sorry, Narlene.

- You did all two things that you could have.

- There's only one thing I can do.

Nobby won't turn wild for me,

I'll have to turn civilized for him.

- Are you sure you wanna do this, Narlene?

- I've got to. It's for Nobby.

both: Makeover time!

- I ain't doin' it!

I already had a bath in February!

Let me go!

Get the back, get the back.

- Ah!

[laughing]

- [sputtering]

[laughs]

- Ah, ah, ah, Regigilled.

You're coming in too fast on the arpeggio.

- Hi.

Attend. Attend. Attend. Attend.

Ladies and gentlecampers, Narwhals and Rich Kids.

Allow me to introduce to you

for the first time,

new Narlene.

- Cotillion. Dividends.

Tomatoes.

[cheering]

- We really outdid ourselves this time, Patrick.

- [cheering]

- [laughing]

I got you good!

[gibbering unintelligibly]

Best prank ever. I fooled ya.

- I... I...

I love it!

You was just pretendin' to be posh to prank me.

But you got me good.

Why, when you show the cousins that picture,

I bet my cheeks turn redder than granny's sea apples.

- Granny's red sea apples.

- Course, you'll have to show them after you

get back from feudin'.

A prank that big proves

you're ready to take the fight to the McClams.

- [gibbering]

I do say, there's nothing

like a good feud to invigorate one's spirit.

[gibbering]

[crowing]

- Good morning, Kampers.

I'm Perch Perkins and this is

Kamp Koral Action News.

How's that sound, Harvey?

Eh. Aw.

- Hang on, Perch. I gotta do a mic check before we go live.

Bubble Bass's blubbery bottom bounces backwards buoyantly.

Okay, all set.

And we're rolling.

- [grunting]

- SpongeBob. - [shouting]

- I can't believe you're the only kid in camp history,

who's never caught a jellyfish.

- Yeah, I can't believe it either, Perch.

Isn't that funny?

- Actually, if you had caught any jellyfish

you wouldn't be on the show.

- Oh, yeah.

[laughing]

- This just in.

There's a Martian invasion underway,

and that's a Martian laugh if I ever heard one.

- Martian invasion?

both: Martian invasion?

[both yelling]

- Ugh, Harvey,

I told you to cool it with the Martian schtick.

- What schtick? The Martian invasion is real.

Why do we keep doing these puff pieces

when there's secret news out there waiting to be exposed?

And campers need to know the truth.

- And nobody believes that tabloid junk,

especially me!

And now it's time for "How's the weather up there?"

With Tall Tail.

- Thank you, Perch. And morning, campers.

The best way to forecast the weather,

get out and see for yourself.

So let's go. Whoo!

Looks like clear skies up here, for the rest of the day.

Ow.

Or rain. With some lightning.

- [laughs] Camp master Krabs here at the camp store.

Where we've got every kid's favorite snack,

yams!

Yessiree, we got Yams in cans, single serve yams,

yam hats, yam noses, and yammage patch kids.

Plus, every yam comes with a free nematode.

So if you don't like yams, the nematode eats it.

Problem solved.

I got your yams right here.

- [burping] - [laughs weakly]

- We're back, talking to Sandy Cheeks,

this summer's biggest science fair winner.

What'd you make here, Sandy?

- Well, Perch,

I call it my combo-nation volcano and rocket.

Wanna see it launch?

- Absolutely.

Get a sh*t of this rocket, Harvey.

- Space ship. Hello.

- Okee-dokee, here goes.

- [laughs] Wow.

Ah. Huh?

[screaming]

Ha-ha, wow!

That was spectacular, Sandy.

Where in the ocean are you from?

So we can give your home town a shout out.

- Oh, I'm not from the ocean, Perch.

I'm from up there.

- M-M-M-Martian.

Look, Perch.

Martian. Martian.

Martian. It's a Martian.

- I ain't no Martian. I'm a Texan.

Ya got a problem with that?

- He was joking.

Tell her you were joking, Harvey.

- I wish I could, Perch.

But I am speaking truth to Martian.

And she is probably their leader.

- Well, would you look at that?

It's time for "Squidward's Culture Corner."

- Hi-ya!

- Hello art fans, Counselor Squidward here.

Let's see what "masterpieces"

the campers have for us this week.

Too much red. - [wails]

- Not enough red. - [cries]

Ugh. This looks like it was done

by a five-year-old.

Huh? Oh, you are a five-year-old?

Hmm. Well, it's still garbage. Ta-taa!

[screams]

Get off me, you little cretin.

Don't just stand there, imbeciles.

Help me!

- Hmm. Too many legs.

both: Martians!

- [muttering indistinctly] - So, when we're on the air,

you will keep your Martian opinions to yourself.

Right, Harvey?

Oh, Mrs. Puff. There's our next segment.

- Martian!

I didn't wanna believe you, Harvey,

but that body looked just like Mrs. Puff.

Is it possible that extraterrestrials have been--

- Secretly switching our bodies with their own.

both: So they can systematically

take over the camp?

- It's all true, Perch.

Just open your brain-eyes and you'll think-see the Martians.

both: Martian.

Martian.

- Morons.

both: Martian. Martian. Martian.

both: Martians!

- Martian.

- Oop! Look at the time.

Perch!

- Huh? - Say the words.

- We'll be right back after this station identification.

This is Perch Perkins, and we're coming to you

live from the camp's old boat house,

where my cameraman and I have made a horrifying discovery.

Hanging from the rafters,

dozens of soulless Martian clone husks.

[both scream]

[laughter]

- And spoiler alert,

Martians are taking over the camp.

- Harvey, what are you-- get down from there.

- This looks great.

I'm getting a spine tingling, down-sh*t!

Whoa!

- Ahh!

- No.

Not counselor Bubble Bass.

He owes me ten donuts.

[screaming]

- Martians!

- [grunting]

[shouting]

- We've got to warn everyone.

Campers, listen to me, you're all in great danger.

Huh? Oh, no.

- The Martians got to them.

- Mo, listen to me. Martians are coming.

Craig, buddy, Martians are co--

[screaming]

- Hey, Perch.

- Camp master Krabs, thank Neptune,

the voice of sanity.

- Yams.

[both shouting]

both: Ew.

- Campers. Don't panic.

If we just stick together, we can stop the invasion.

both: Martian clone husks.

- No more running, Perch.

both: Time to mash some Martians.

- Ow!

- My leg!

- We did it.

We're heroes.

- Ahem.

Sandy Cheeks here, Kamp Koral News.

We're here to ask Perch and Harvey the burning question.

Why did y'all smash our pinatas?

- Oh, yeah, it's Piñata day.

- I thought that was tomorrow.

both: Martians! Huh?

Piñata Day?

- All right, children, pick up your sweets.

[cheering]

both: Yay! Floor candy!

both: No, no, no, no.

- Martian pinatas. [huffs]

I can't believe I believed you.

- I can't believe I believed me either.

- Huh?

- Martians do not exist,

and that is the truth.

- Are you getting this, Harvey?

- I'm getting it.

I'm getting it.

I was getting it.

- Intrepid reporter and faithful cameraman,

abducted by Martian piñata.

More at :.

- Don't worry, Perch,

I'm recording all of this

with my brain eyes.