01x11 - Wise Kraken/Squatch Swap

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ I'm off to summer camp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ Through nature I will tramp ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob will have you screaming ♪

- ♪ Till milk is streaming right out of your nose ♪

Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa!

Ahh! Ahh!

♪ ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob ♪

- ♪ When nature's calling ♪

♪ You'll see me hauling ♪

♪ I'm hitting the trail ♪

[laughter]

- [screaming]

- Mr. Plankton, are you all right?

- I'm screaming

with excitement, Karen.

Tonight I will create

my ultimate evil invention.

Behold!

The Doomsday Pie! Probably blueberry.

- Attention, campers.

Get ready to laugh tonight

at the Kamp Koral standup comedy revue.

: p.m. at the Krusty Kanteen!

- The Krusty Kanteen? [grunts]

Not tonight!

- [humming]

- Krabs! - [screams]

- I've got plans tonight and refuse

to have those pipsqueaks cracking wise in my place.

- It's my place. And you will learn your place,

or you will be fired in disgrace!

[grunts]

- Whoa! [screams]

[grunting]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [clears throat] Settle down.

Tonight's funniest camper will receive

the Kamp Koral comedy badge.

[excited laughter]

- And there's a two milk minimum tonight, kids,

so drink up!

Get your milk right here! Free milk for money!

- I'd wish you two luck, but you wouldn't know funny

if it bit your faces off.

[laughter]

- And now tonight's first comedian, Camper Shecky!

- Hey, is this thing on?

I just swam in from Atlantis,

and boy, is my schmavis hyyen!

- [plays rimshot, hisses]

[laughter]

- Why did the sea captain flush the toilet?

all: Why?

- Because it was his "doody"!

- [plays rimshot, hisses]

[laughter]

- I am offended! Oh!

- Hey, Missy, was it something I said?

- Campers, I urge you to please

keep your amusement to a minimum,

because our sounds of mirth could awaken an ancient evil!

- [plays rimshot, hisses]

[laughter]

- This isn't a joke!

Your laughter could be the end of us all!

I'm warning you...

- [plays rimshot, hisses]

[laughter]

- [chuckles] Funny stuff.

And now with some impressions, here's camper SpongeBob!

[cheering]

- And now with some impressions,

here's camper SpongeBob!

[laughter]

Oh, no. I'm puffing up again!

[laughter]

Here's someone else you might recognize!

I likes money! [laughs]

[laughter] - I don't get it.

- [plays rimshot, hisses]

- [laughs evilly]

Let them tell their stupid jokes.

I'm baking the world's deadliest w*apon.

[giggles, vocalizes]

[grunts]

Krabs, how did you get in here?

Whoa!

Those rotten kids.

- Next we have--

- You little monsters think this is funny?

I'll squash all of you like grapes!

- You're a grape! - I--

- Oh! [yells]

Next we have the comedy team of Narlene and Nobby!

- Yay!

- Howdy, critters! Say howdy to the folks, Nobby.

- [speaks gibberish] - He says, "Howdy!"

So, Nobby, so do you know how to make a tissue dance?

- [speaks gibberish]

- He says, "Put a little boogie in it."

[Laughter]

- I am offended!

- I got an idea, Nobby.

How's about I take a long drink while you sing us a song?

- Yee-haw! - He says he'll think about it.

[laughter]

- [singing operatic aria]

[all gasp]

[cheerful music playing]

- [grunts]

[all cheer]

- Say, "a rivederci," Nobby!

- Buenas noches!

- I told you vagabonds to stay out of me camp!

- Please stop laughing!

He's gonna rise out of the lake and eat us!

Who's gonna rise out of the lake and eat us, you ask?

Oh, nobody's special--

just the Kraken!

[laughter, jeering]

[yells]

- Let's keep the yuks coming with Monsieur Squidward!

Yay! Oh!

[scattered applause]

[leisurely music playing]

♪ ♪

- Sounds like the show is over.

[chuckles] Yes.

♪ ♪

- Boo! - We get it!

- Boo! [crowd jeering]

[both sigh, grunt]

- [plays rimshot, hisses]

[laughter]

- Ah!

[grunts]

- And now, Camper Patrick.

- Uh-oh. I spy a moldy melon.

Good thing I brought my Smush-O-Smasher!

[cheering]

Oof! [laughter]

[grunting]

Hey! Huh?

[laughter]

[grunting]

Uh... I funny...

[grunts, laughs]

- It was funny, then it got lame.

Then it went past lame and then got funny again.

- [grunts]

all: Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!

Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!

- This triple crust will protect the pie

and me from accidents. Whoa, whoa!

all: Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!

- But not from earthquakes. [sobs]

all: Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!

- If y'all have ever paid three weeks allowance

for a roll of toilet paper,

y'all might be a Kamp Koral camper.

[laughter] - Hey, guys.

Did you ever notice how Mr. Krabs walks?

He literally has a crab walk!

- [plays rimshot, hisses]

[laughter]

- [yells]

- Mr. Plankton's slop makes me yak.

And who's he kidding with that tip jar?

[mockingly] I'm going to college.

You're going to food jail!

- [yells]

- Two counselors walk into a bear...

- [yells]

- A funny thing happened on the way to the outhouse!

[laughter]

- I'm working blue tonight.

[laughter] - This guy knows what I mean.

- [yells]

That's it! No more Mr. Nice Pie!

Karen, turn on the big oven!

- Meep, meep... - Stop laughing!

The Kraken will skin our hineys alive!

- Meep, meep... - Beware the Kraken!

- [grunts]

I heard a good one. What do you call

screaming campers covered in hot pie filling?

- What? - A good start!

[laughs]

[crowd gasps]

- [gasps] Oh...

all: Yay!

- [gasps] I am offended!

Oh--oh, oh, oh, oh!

[screaming]

all: Huh?

- [groans] - [plays rimshot]

- Karen, release the--

what the kelp is that?

- [growls]

- Forget the campers, Karen! Hit the monster!

Eat it, fish face!

Yeah!

[cheers and applause

- What happened?

Why didn't my doomsday pie explode?

- Actually, we ran out of plutonium an hour ago.

So that was just a pie, pie.

- A pie, pie?

Pie...pie.

- [roars]

Testing, testing. Okay, I got one.

Why did the whale cross the road?

crowd: Why? - To get to the other tide.

- [plays rimshot, hisses]

[laughter]

- Seriously, what did my parents feed me, yellow cake?

I'm like a skyscraper over here.

[laughter]

And I am the runt of the litter.

When I was a kid, my dad used to lose me

in the couch cushions with the Eiffel Tower.

[laughter]

I was so tiny!

all: How tiny were you?

- Well, I'll tell you, I was so tiny,

I only ate nine fishermen for breakfast.

[laughter] I'll tell you, I was tiny,

so tiny I used a great white shark for a loofah.

[laughter]

I'll tell you, I was so tiny, when I was born,

I gave the hospital stretch marks!

[laughter] That's my time, folks.

You're okay. I'm out!

- [screams]

- [laughs] There's no contest, he's k*lling me.

The winner of the Kamp Koral comedy badge is...the Kraken!

[cheering] - Hey, all right.

You guys like me. You really like me.

- Surprise, Mr. Plankton. I got more plutonium!

- Take my computer assistant, please!

[yells, groans]

That's why I hate comedy! It burns me up!

- [hisses]

- I don't get it.

[suspenseful music]

[loud stomping]

- [singing]

Whoa!

- SpongeBob, you're not stomping right.

It needs to be more whump flop!

Whump flop! Whump flop! - Ow!

- Oh, now I get it!

- Tell me again why you buckle heads

are wearing big fake feet.

- We're trying to attract a Seasquatch.

We're members of Squatch Watch,

the official fan club of Seasquatches.

- I collect their nail clippings.

I think this one's from a pinky toe.

- [laughing]

Don't y'all know that Seasquatches are imaginary?

- Well, just because they're imaginary

doesn't mean they aren't real.

- Seasquatches do exist, Sandy. I can feel it in my holes.

[echoing] Holes, holes, holes.

- Yeah, and we're gonna get poop.

- That's proof, Patrick. Hmm...

[yells, groans]

- Well, it's a good thing

I tagged along to keep an eye on you two.

- Oh, my gosh! Seasquatch!

Aw, shrimp.

- Oh, that's a rock.

- [gasps] Seasquatch!

- Ooh, ooh!

- Aw. Oh, barnacles.

- Oh, I'll find one. Hmm, huh, hmm...

[gasps] Seasquatch!

- [yells] - [grunts]

- Do you mind? Hmph!

- Aw, tartar sauce! - [chuckles]

Do y'all even know what a Seasquatch

is supposed to look like?

- Of course, they're tall, have big feet,

and are covered in hairy kelp.

- Just like that guy over there.

[loud stomping]

all: Oh! Seasquatch!

[all panting]

- Aw, it's gone!

Look!

- [slurps] Tastes like feet.

- Come on fellas, let's follow it!

- Ooh! [laughs]

Whoa! [panting]

- It's getting away!

- Don't you fret, SpongeBob! I'm an expert critter catcher!

[grunting] - [yells]

- [straining]

Hoo-ee! Feels like a big one!

- Whoa! - [pants]

- Hmm? Hmm?

- Well, shut my mouth and call me a cuttlefish!

I was plumb mistaken. Seasquatches do exist!

But, uh, ain't he a little puny?

- I'm SpongeBob. What's your name?

- [grunts, roars, laughs]

- Ow! Ow!

I think I'll call him Stompy.

- [laughs]

- Hmm? - [sniffs]

- Stompy, it's rude to just start chewing on folks!

- Yeah, you're supposed to ask nicely.

[clears throat] May I?

- But of course, Mr. Star!

- [grunting]

[chomping]

- [groans]

- [grunting]

- [laughs]

- Ooh.

Thanks! [grunts]

Footy-cake, footy-cake, stinky toe jam!

Clap your feet together till they look like ham!

- Whoa! [grunts]

[laughter]

[all cheering, grunting]

- [yells] Huh?

[all scream]

- [groans, grunts]

[laughter]

[all gasp]

- [roars]

[all scream]

- I thought Seasquatches were tiny!

- Stompy must be a little kid-squatch!

And those must be Mama and Papa-squatch!

- [growls]

[all screaming]

- Huh?

Come on, Patrick! It's time to skedaddle!

- Hey! That's not me!

Hmm?

- [growls]

- Huh? Help me.

- Hmm.

[grunts, sniffs]

Blech!

- [grunts, sniffs] Blech!

- [grunting]

- Mm-hmm. [both sniff]

both: Ah.

[both laugh]

- Huh, I guess this is my life now.

[all panting]

- Phew! That was close!

- But at least we proved that Seasquatches are real!

- Now let's see that pretty picture.

- Huh? Oh, yeah!

Oops.

Oh, Patrick, we'll probably never see a Seasquatch again.

[sobbing]

- [humming] - [grunting]

- [laughs]

- Huh?

- [humming]

- Ew! Oh!

Eh?

[chews, slurps]

[belches] Oh!

Now that's a good wormacelli!

[both laugh]

- [whistling] - Come on, Patrick!

Let's wash all this mud and muck off of you.

- But first we should take off this fake Seasquatch feet.

[grunting] - [groaning]

- [straining] - [yells]

- Boy, these are on tight. [strains]

Whoa! Huh?

- [whimpering]

- Patrick is never gonna get his bathing badge.

- [laughs, grunts]

- Huh? [straining]

[grunts, gasps]

[yelling]

[both chewing]

- [laughs]

- Here you go.

Here you go.

Uh-huh...kid?

- Hmm? [sniffs]

Blech!

- Hey, get lost!

Huh? [yells]

- [chewing]

- [gasps] Patrick! You spit him out this instant!

- You know you're not supposed to eat dirty things!

- [spits]

- [growls]

How many times do I have to tell you kids

I'm not on the menu?

- [grunting] - [laughing]

- [yells]

- [laughs]

Ooh! - [laughs]

- [yells] - [laughs]

[both grunting worriedly]

- [laughs]

Good throw, dad!

both: Hmm...

[both grunting]

[growls]

Hmm...

- Handsome, ain't I? [grunts]

[both grunting]

- Uh, I just remembered, I left the campfire on.

[yelling]

[both growling]

- [screaming]

- [vocalizing] - [yelling]

- Oh, no you don't!

First come, first relieved.

- [panting]

[both grunting]

- Knock it off, Patrick! I'll be out in a minute!

- Whoa, holy hot wings! - Whoa!

- You leave camp for a seahorse ride and look what happens.

- Whoa!

- We gotta stop these Seasquatches

or they'll wreck the whole camp!

- [belches]

- Huh? Mama? Papa?

[laughs]

- [screaming] - Let me in, let me in!

- Go away! I'm not done yet!

- [screams]

[panting]

[both growl]

- [laughing, yelling]

- [panting] Huh?

[yells]

- [panting]

- [grunts]

- [yelling]

Come on, Dad! Remember the good times?

[all panting]

- Huh? both: Huh?

- [groaning] Whoa!

- Hey, that kid looks just like you, Patrick.

- That is Patrick! - Huh?

- Which means you must be Stompy!

- [laughs] - Yeah!

- [laughs]

- [gasps] [all laugh]

- [groaning] Oh.

Hi!

- [grunts happily]

- [grunts] - [laughs]

[laughter]

- Patrick! Occupied!

Occupied!

- [grunts] - Whoa!

- Mama! Papa!

Can I still come over for worms?

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪