05x06 - Three Missing Links

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

[♪]

Oh, where is Mirabell, Mirabell?

Do you hear: where is she?

How do I know?

I'm not her husband.
I'm only her director.

Well, she knows
we're waiting for her.

Where is Mirabell, Mirabell?

Here I am, BL. Why all the huff?

Oh, my darling, you know we
leave within a week for Africa,

to make Jilted in the Jungles.

Why, you've got
to get ready, my dear.

Well, why go clear to Africa?

The studio alone
looks like a jungle.

Yea--

Besides, we can't leave until
you get me a leading man.

Leading man?

But in this picture, my darling,
you work opposite a gorilla.

Haven't we got anyone
under contract that, uh,

looks like an ape?

No, not even your relatives.

You look--

Oh, pretty fresh, huh? Heh, heh.

But we'll find one.

Get that script.
I want to go over it.

Come on, we'll sit over here.
We've got a lot of work to do.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hi, Mr. Botswaddle.
Can we clean up now?

We'll be as quiet as a mouse.

Yeah, a deaf and dumb mouse.
Nyuk, nyuk.

Okay, but don't disturb us.

Shh.

Now, Mr. Botswaddle-- Ow!

Quiet!

Shh.

[EQUIPMENT CLATTERING]

Wait a minute-- Shh!

I'll knock your brains out!

Hold this.

[GASPS]

Give me that bucket!
Give me the bucket!

CURLY: See, you missed
me. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

See what you made me do?

[CRIES OUT]

That'll cost us
a month's salary.

Oh no, it won't.

Oh, it won't, huh?

BOTSWADDLE: You're fired!
[ALL CLAMOR]

Wait a minute.
Please give us another chance,

will you, Mr. Botswaddle?
No, no.

We're not really janitors.
We're actors.

Why, Mr. Herbert,
we're the greatest

animal impersonators
in the world.

We're terrific. We're colossal.

We're even mediocre.

Here's an impersonation of
a chicken with its head cut off.

[GIBBERISH]

What do you think of that, huh?

What do I think of that?

Let me k*ll him.

Just once, it won't cost you.

Oh, ungrateful, hey?

Arf! Arrr!

Do you see the same thing I do?

The fat one,
fate must have sent him.

He's the dead image
of the missing link.

Oh, thank you.

Huh?!

I think you're right.

And look at the other two:

Neanderthal men straight
from the Stone Age.

We've found our leading man,

now we can start
our picture at once.

You men are hired.

Fired and hired in one day.
Thanks, BO.

To our success, and Africa!

ALL: To Africa!

Darkest Africa.

Ah.

Good cordial. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Boy, I wonder
where that safari is.

We ought to be up
with them by now.

Maybe they're so-far-i away
we'll never catch them.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

[YELLS]

That's our equipment. Come on.

Well, this is
a fine kettle of fish.

I told BL not to pay
those porters in advance.

Now they've deserted us.

You mean they: ftt!?

Yes, they: ftt! Ooh!

I knew it all of the time.

It'll be dark pretty soon.

We're gonna pitch camp
right here.

You fellas see if you
can find some water.

Come on, darling,
I'll make you comfortable.

We've gotta find some water.

Why, there's water everywhere.

There's water here. Where?

Where? Up there.

[CRIES OUT]

I didn't think there
was that much water...

I'll m*rder you.
You didn't think, eh?

Agh, water everywhere, huh?

Ooh! I didn't mean that, kid.

Look!

Maybe there's water over there.

Are you gonna start that again?

[SPEAKING MOCK FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Water welcome. Water welcome.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

What are we waiting for?

Let's go! Come on!

Get in there.

Oh boy, am I hungry.

What have we got for supper?

Nice fat missionary.

[ALL CRY OUT]

Mm. Make nice big stew,
and I do mean stew!

Maybe you'd rather have some
pelican, and I do mean pelican.

Here's some
wild muskrat for you.

Hey, what's this?

Him, love candy.
Make big strong love.

Love candy?

Oh, boy, Mirabell.
Maybe it'll make her love me!

Me thinks customer always right.

[CASH REGISTER DINGS]

Me give you love candy.
You give me nice big bone.

Make good soup.

[CRIES OUT]

[YELLS]

Hey, kid! Hey, kid! Come on,
he'll make soup out of you!

[CURLY SINGING]

Hey, where are you going?

I'm going to give Mirabell
some love candy.

Get back there and get to work.

Oh, stop it now. Stop it.

All of the time, you always--
Always beating, always popping.

[SNORING]

My day will come.

[GASPS]

[YELLS]

Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe!

Hey, Moe!

What's the matter with you?

They won't stay in the ground.

What won't? The stakes.

Oh, you turnip-head! Hold it!

You never learn anything.

[CRIES OUT]

What do you want to do,
drive me in the ground?

Let me do it.

Hey, you ain't out
for revenge, are you?

No, I wouldn't hit you.
I never hit anybody in my life.

Well, just watch
your P's and Q's.

Where are they? Oh.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

Sorry, Moe, I couldn't help it.

It just slipped, honest.

I-it's an accident.

I'm sorry, pal.
You must have moved.

Yeah, that's all right, kid.
Forget about it.

Thank you, I-- I was really--

[YELLING]

Take this hammer
and drive those stakes.

You help him.

I'll show you how to drive 'em.

Get this off my face and I'll
come back and m*rder you.

You don't know
how to do nothing.

Get that rope on.

Oh! Whoa!

[SPLASH]

Help! Help me, help me!

Come here, you. Give me a hand.

[GROANING]
Come on, come on. All right.

What made you ever
do a thing like that?

What happened? I don't know.

Women and children first.

What was the number
of that truck?

It's Moe!

[SNORING]

[GROWLS]

[CHUCKLING]

What's the matter with you?

MOE [LAUGHING]:
Stop tickling my feet!

I ain't tickling your feet.
You must be dreaming!

[LAUGHING]

Hey, what's eating you?

CURLY: Stop tickling
me. I can't stand it!

I'm not tickling you. Go on, go!

[ROARS]

[SNORES]

Hey, quit snoring, will you?

I ain't snoring. It's him.

What's the matter?

Wake up and go to sleep.

What did you wake me up for?

You snore like a roaring lion.

I do not. I stayed awake all
last night to see if I snored,

and I didn't.

That's different.

[ALL YELL]

[ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

Well, how do I look?

Well, you look beautiful.
You look beautiful.

Now, come on, darling.

Gee, I wish I was
playing the gorilla part.

Are you lucky. You get
to make love to Mirabell.

Well, I'm the
Robert Taylor type.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. Go on.

Ruff! Snort! Arf!

Don't you growl at me.

MR. HERBERT: Hey, you guys!

Hey, come on, hurry up.
He's waiting for us.

LARRY: Here we are.

Do we kiss her in this scene?

Now wait a minute, not so much
of a hurry. Let me look at you.

Well, wait till
I get with Mirabell...

Where's my love candy?

Oh! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Mm! Mirabell!

Curly, come on.
Hurry up with that suit!

[GROWLS]

Now you're in character,
bubble brain.

Character?

Why, he looks positively real.

Now pay attention
or I'll whack you

with this club.
You pay attention too.

As the scene opens,
you're kneeling at her feet.

Yes. Yes.

That's where Curly comes in.

You grab your clubs
and you fight him.

BOTH: Yes.

He knocks you down. BOTH: Yes.

You understand?

No. No.

Well, try it anyway.

Hey, Curly, you understand?

[GROWLS] He understands.

That'll help some.

Alrighty, action.

Oh, fair princess,
in this gorgeous jungle setting

I throw my heart at your feet.

I love you! [GORILLA GROWLS]

[SCREAMS]

Back, foul beast!

No harm shall come
to you, my love.

That's marvelous!

Keep it up now, boys!

You bonehead,
you don't have to overdo it.

After all, we're only acting.

Back, you! Back!

[BOTH CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[BOTH YELL]

Where are you going?

Come on, Curly!

Curly, will you come
out of the cave?

Curly, I'm calling you!

Here I am. What do I do now?

[STAMMERING]

What's the matter with you?
Are you crazy?

Where is everybody?

[GROWLS]

So that's how it is, hey?

Now scram, Moe.

I told you before,
I'm gonna play this part!

Now go on, beat it!

Go on!

Go on!

The g-- The gorilla,
he'll k*ll Curly.

We gotta do something. Come on!

Moe, Larry. Moe, Larry!

Look out, look out!
Look out! Go away, go away!

What'll we do?

We'll scare him out
with a coconut.

When he comes out,
we'll sh**t him.

[YELLS]

So you wanna play rough, hey?

Get over there.

Get him! Get him!

Hey, wait a minute, it's me!

What's the idea?
Where's the gorilla?

He's inside.
I knocked him out with a rock.

Let's get started. Okay.

Hey, my g*n's jammed.
So is mine.

I'm gonna get this skin off.
It got me in plenty of trouble.

Fine g*ns.

[WHOOPS]

I gotta get it in that cage.

Yeah.

Hey, quit breathing
on me, will you?

Cut it out, pudding head.

I'm not me.

That's fine grammar
for you: I'm not me.

Hey, Moe, here I am.

[ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

Hurry up, would ya? Whoa!

Look out, Moe!

Let me in, let me in!

Okay, just a minute!

Hold tight so he don't get in.

Quiet, maybe he'll go away.
Okay, okay.

Let me in, let me in!
I can't hold out much longer!

Okay, kid, we'll have--

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

That'll keep him out.

We'll take this head off
before something else happens.

You know, if you hadn't
had let me in, I'd--

Larry, Moe, let me in!

Oh, please, go away, go away!

Please, here-- Here's--
Here. Some love candy.

See, you know,
love thy neighbor?

Here, take some.

It's delicious, see? Look.

Mm. Mm, mm.

[GASPS]

Darling, I love you.

Give me a little kiss, baby.

Wait for Papa, baby! Hey, baby!

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