02x03 - A Man Called Snake

[bunniefuu]

[THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY'S
"COME ON GET HAPPY" PLAYING]

♪ Hello, world, hear the song
That we're singing ♪

♪ Come on, get happy ♪

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
Is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We had a dream
We'd go traveling together ♪

♪ We'd spread a little love ♪

♪ And then we'll keep
Movin' on ♪

♪ Something always happens
Whenever we're together ♪

♪ We get a happy feeling
When we're singing a song ♪

♪ Traveling along there's
A song that we're singing ♪

♪ Come on, get happy ♪

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
Is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

"And even though my brother
Danny is only ,

"he's a trouper.

"That is, if someone

"who has to be in bed by :

"can be considered a trouper."

Oh, great interview,
Keith.

You just shattered
my freewheeling image.

What are my legions
of fans going to think?

CHRIS:
What about me?

He said I sleep
with a teddy bear.

Well, you do.

It's not a teddy bear.
It's a grizzly.

"My sister Laurie
is like most teenage girls.

"She's crazy about boys."
Profound.

"Her latest crush is on
a classmate, Harry Murphy."

What? You didn't.

He did.

Oh, Keith,
how humiliating.

Keith, I do think Laurie's
personal life

is her own business.

A girl likes to keep
some things secret.

I thought I was
doing you a favor.

If a guy knows where he stands,
it speeds things up.

Stabbed in the back
with Cupid's arrow.

I don't even know
a Harry Murphy.

You don't?
But I thought--

I used to have a crush
on Barry Murphy,

but he moved away
a year ago.

You don't show enough interest
to know who I like.

Not that it's any
of your business.

Look, Laurie,
what did I do so wrong?

All those magazines wanna know
about everybody's love life.

Well, I don't want my love life
put out in fan magazines.

I don't blame her.
The big money's in books.

Look, kids,
Keith is totally wrong in this,

but I think you're
all taking it too seriously.

Well, the least he can do
is apologize.

Okay,
I'm sorry.

It's too late for that.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Kids,
see who's at the door.

Creepo.

[♪♪♪]

I'm Harry Murphy.

Where's the chick
that's crazy about me?

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

SHIRLEY:
Kids, who is it?

What's the matter?

Hey, què pasa ?

Hey,
you must be Laurie Partridge.

I-- I must.

Yeah,
I'm Harry Murphy.

Mommy,
why is he wearing an earring?

It's sentimental, kid.
It used to belong to my father.

Why don't you kids go and see
what you'd like for lunch.

But we just ate lunch.

Go and see
what you'd like for dinner.

You too.

Okay.

If you want me,
I'll be in the kitchen,

sharpening
my pearl-handled butcher Kn*fe.

Hey,
you got one of those too?

I'm Shirley Partridge.
Oh, hey, how are you?

That's my son, Keith.
Hey.

Laurie.

I understand you got
a crush on me.

Well,
it's not that I...

Actually, you see,
I'm the one--

You got a crush
on me too?

Hey,
they both do.

I think I can explain.

You see, Keith gave
an interview to Heavy magazine.

Oh, yeah, that's a good
magazine. I subscribe.

Well, it seems
that they misquoted him.

What he meant to say was

that Laurie had a crush
on Barry Murphy,

but she really doesn't
have a crush on him anymore.

Would you mind scraping
that mud off outside?

Oh, I didn't wanna dirty
your lawn. Here.

You know, I knew you didn't
really have a crush on me.

It's just my g*ng dared me
to come down here,

have a little fun.

Pretty funny,
right?

Yeah,
everybody likes a good put-on.

Yeah, well, thanks
for the good put-on, Harry.

Oh, hey, hey,
don't call me Harry.

What should we call you?
Snake.

Hey,
by the way,

to prove I was here
and everything,

you know,
to my g*ng,

wanna give me an autograph?

Oh, sure, sure.
Do you have some paper?

Oh, no,
we don't need that.

Just sign over the tattoo
where it says "hot."

Gee, what a shame,
your pen is out of ink.

Oh, that's all right.
You can scratch it in.

Shirley?

Shirley, some idiot ran
over your flamingo

with his motorcycle.

He's parked
on your front lawn.

And I just wanna tell him

it's one of the best-looking
motorcycles I've ever seen.

Oh, hi.
SNAKE: Hey.

That's not your bike, is it?
Oh, it's a-- She's a beaut.

Reuben Kincaid,
Harry Murphy.

Harry.
Hey, call me Snake.

What else?

Well...

Snake,
it was very nice of you

to drop by
and meet our family.

Oh, hey, hey,
I'm very considerate that way.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry
I creamed your bird.

Well,
see you around.

[♪♪♪]

[BELL RINGING]

Don't you think Todd Marshall's
the grooviest guy in class?

Well,
he's a nice guy.

And so intelligent.

That speech he gave on the
states was so stimulating.

Yeah, I never knew there were
so many ways

to abbreviate Pennsylvania.

And when he told about--

[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]

You want a lift?

You want a lift or something?

Uh, gee, Snake,
I can't.

I have to go to the library
to do a book report.

Well,
I'll drive you there.

Well,
it's upstairs.

So what? Hop on.

No,
but thanks anyway.

Maybe some other time.
All right. See you around.

[♪♪♪]

I wonder if he had
a hall pass.

[♪♪♪]

Of course,
no one knows for sure,

but the popular theory is
that the pyramids were built

by pushing each stone block up
a series of inclined planes

built alongside the structure.

[THUDDING]

[♪♪♪]

It's for you.

[♪♪♪]

[SINGING "LISTEN TO THE SOUND"]

♪ Listen to the sound
Of children playing ♪

♪ Listen to the sound
Of old folks praying ♪

♪ Listen to the sound
Of music all over the world ♪

♪ Now, can't you hear
Them singing? ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Can't you hear
Them singing? ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Sing a little louder ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ All over the world ♪

♪ Listen to the sound
Of motors roaring ♪

♪ Listen to the sound
Of rain drops pouring ♪

♪ Listen to the sound
Of music all over the world ♪

♪ Can't you hear
Them singing? ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Can't you hear
Them singing? ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Sing a little louder ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ All over the world ♪

♪ Listen to the sound
Of lovers sighing ♪

♪ Listen to the sound
Of babies crying ♪

♪ Listen to the sound
Of music all over the world ♪

♪ Can't you hear
Them singing? ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Can't you hear
Them singing? ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Sing a little louder ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ All over the world ♪

♪ Now, can't you hear
Them singing, baby? ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Can't you hear
Them singing? ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Sing a little louder ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la... ♪

Laurie.

Nobody said, "One more time."
Oh, I'm sorry.

I just can't keep my mind
on what I'm doing.

Laurie,
what's wrong?

It's Snake.

The guy from
the motorcycle g*ng?

Who else do you know
named Snake?

He's been coming around school
and asking me out.

Is that an understatement.

Around school they're beginning
to call her Cycle Queen.

Hey, Laurie, come on,
show us your hobnail boots.

Sure, laugh it up.

You're the one that got me
into this mess.

Well,
if he's bothering you,

perhaps I should notify
the school authorities.

Oh, they know.

What are they going
to do about it?

Well,
they were gonna notify you.

Why don't you ask him
to be nice and go away?

Not to this guy,
kid.

He gives the tooth fairy
a lot of business.

No,
I think Tracy's right.

I guess the only way out
of this is to talk with him.

Laurie, I don't think
I want you to do that.

I'm just gonna talk to him.

If you were me,
isn't that what you'd do?

Well...

Maybe if Keith went with you.
Me?

Mom, if I get into any trouble,
I can always run for help.

I don't need Keith
to do it for me.

[♪♪♪]

Oh,
I think it's wonderful

the way this whole family
pitches in to help.

You know, Mom, if you weren't
always busy cleaning the house,

you wouldn't be
so tired.

[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]

What was that?
Either a motorcycle

or our lawn mower's
gone berserk.

Hi.
Laurie.

Did you see Snake today?
Uh-huh.

Well,
what'd he say?

Well, we had a long talk
and I'm really glad.

It worked out
for the best.

Did he take it all right?
He took it great.

I have a date with him
tomorrow night.

[♪♪♪]

You've got a date with him?
What happened?

Yesterday you wanted
to get rid of him.

Well, it's very simple,
Mom.

We had a long talk

and I found out he was
a very nice, sensitive guy.

Sensitive? How can a guy named
Snake be sensitive?

He is.
He wrote me a poem.

You're kidding.
No. You can read it.

I wake up in the morning
With a smile on my face

Seeing the blue skies
And the whole human race

Do they feel for me?
Will they cause me grief?

If they scorn my emotions

Should I punch them
in the teeth?

Very sweet.

You fell for the oldest line
in the world.

I bet he stole that.

Yeah,
he probably mugged a poet.

You can't go out
with a guy like that.

You don't even know him.

I said I was gonna go out
with him

and I'm not going
to break my word.

Laurie.

I'm afraid you're going
to have to.

I don't want you
to go out with him.

You too?

[♪♪♪]

I said he was nice.

I thought my own family
would have believed me.

[♪♪♪]

Maybe we did come down
on her pretty hard.

I think it's about time we had

a little
mother-and-daughter talk.

[♪♪♪]

Why are you looking at me
like that?

You got her into this mess.

You've gotta tell Snake

that Laurie can't go out
with him.

Me?

[KNOCKING]

Laurie.

Look, honey.

I know it's hard for you
to understand right now,

but I wanna do what's best
for you.

Are you mad at me?

No.
Just disappointed.

Remember when I was

and Randy Pildy asked me
to his birthday party?

I got braces that week
and the minute he saw me,

he broke the date.

I still remember his excuse.

He said he decided he wanted
to put off turning .

I also remember
that you were very hurt.

Don't you see you're doing
the same thing to Snake?

You're judging him
by the way he looks.

Mom,
isn't that a kind of prejudice?

I guess so.

It's hard
to admit you're wrong.

[♪♪♪]

KEITH:
if this is such a good idea.

Do you wanna go down
in Partridge family history

as the guy that wouldn't
save his sister

from a fate worse than death?
No. What family history?

The one I'm gonna write
if you don't go.

Okay, all right.

If I'm gonna do this,

we might as well get it
over with.

What we?
I can't go.

Who'd write
the family history?

[♪♪♪]

[MAN CHUCKLING]

Excuse me.

I think we have a visit
from Prince Charming.

You got a glass slipper
on you?

No.

Snake, I'm looking for Snake.
I'm a friend of his.

What are you gonna do,
redecorate his pad?

Maybe I'll just come back later.
Freeze!

You're all covered.

Ooh... Ooh...

You know, Glen,

this is the first time I've been
threatened by a soprano.

KEITH:
Danny, get out of here.

Watch it, Keith,
he's got you covered

with his snub-nosed finger.

Maybe I should kick it
out of his hand, huh?

DANNY:
Hey.

Hey, cool it, will you?
These guys are okay.

Thanks, Snake.
You came along just in time.

Oh, these guys,
they're just having some fun.

Maybe, but it'll go down
in the Partridge family history

that we owe you one.

Forget it.
You guys want a beer?

No, thanks.
I do.

But I never drink
until after .

[♪♪♪]

Where have
you kids been?

We had some man business
to take care of, Mom.

We went to have it out
with Snake

to tell him Laurie couldn't go
out with him.

Oh, you just took it
on yourselves to do that.

Well,
we didn't wanna worry you.

You should have asked me first.

I've already told Laurie
she could go out with him.

You did? That's great.
It is?

He's really a nice guy.

And besides, he's got a lot
of respect for Laurie.

Yeah,
I don't understand it.

Well,
I guess I misjudged him.

Yeah,
I guess we all did.

Well, she's going to the school
dance with him tomorrow night.

Since we've all agreed
he's such a nice guy

there's nothing to worry about.

Right.

[♪♪♪]

If I say it enough,
maybe I'll believe it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You know,
in a way I'm kind of sorry

that I asked you
to bring me here.

You don't look as
if you're having fun.

Me?
I'm having a ball.

This is just not
the type of social function

I'm used to attending.

Everybody's able to stand up.

Hey, look, you mind
if I take this coat off?

It's strangling my armpits.

No, no, no,
go right ahead.

It's, you know,
more comfortable.

You know,
we can go if you want.

Oh, no, no.
I wanna show you a good time.

Thanks.

You wanna dance?

That'd be great.

Yeah,
I was afraid you'd say that.

See, the only step I know
how to do is the box step.

My old man taught it to me
by throwing a Kn*fe at my feet.

I love the box step.

You know something?

You got a lot of class
for a girl

who don't wear white lipstick.

[BOY LAUGHING]

Hey, isn't the guy supposed
to lead?

I'm--
I'm sorry.

Laurie,
I see those guys laughing at us.

They probably told a joke.
Laurie, I know what's happening.

Don't worry about it.
I don't want no trouble.

Cutting in.
No, you're not.

Oh, come on.

This could be the last chance
to do the box step.

It's been extinct for years,
you know?

I'm sorry,
but I'm dancing with my date.

Is this your date,

with the long hair
and the gold earring?

I thought he was your sister.

Snake, I would like some punch,
please?

Okay,
I'll be cool.

Hey, listen, guy,
no hard feelings.

As a matter of fact,
come to the next dance,

we'll throw a fox-trot contest
in your honor.

Why don't you take
a long walk on a short pier.

Hey, hear that?
Very original.

Now, who said bikers
weren't intellectuals?

You mind holding this,
please?

Snake? Snake?

I'm just gonna propose
a little toast.

[GLASS CRASHING]

Good fight, huh?
How can a fight be good?

I won.

Thanks for letting me
use your helmet.

Oh, it's not mine.
I borrowed it from my mom.

Hey, listen, you're not mad at
me, are you, because I hit you?

I never decked
a chick before.

No, it was my fault
for trying to break it up.

And I'm not mad
about the fight either.

They goaded you into it.

You know something?
You take a pretty good punch.

I mean, I gave you my best sh*t,
you got right back up.

Thanks.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, listen,

the Rogues are giving
a party Saturday night.

Do you wanna ride with me?

I don't think so.

I like you an awful lot, Snake,
but we're not...

Well,
you and I aren't...

Well, you know, there are
some things that are just...

I'm not making any sense.

Yeah, you are.

I just wanted to give it a sh*t.
I figured it wouldn't work out.

You did?
Yeah.

Somehow I just can't
picture you taking over a town.

You mad at me?
How could I be mad at you?

Keep in touch?
Sure.

Keith,
you shouldn't spy on them.

I'm not spying on them.

The bush is in the way.

We'll have to trim that bush.

Here she comes.

[MOTORCYCLE PASSING]

Oh, hi.
Hi.

I didn't hear you come up.
How'd it go?

Fine.
Good.

You're not waiting up for me,
are you?

Oh, no, no.

I've been all involved
in this book.

Oh, and I've been working
on this song.

Funny how time flies
when you're working.

Yeah. Looks like the only
guardian missing is Danny.

Oh,
I sent him to bed hours ago.

DANNY:
I still happen to be awake!

Go to sleep.
The coincidence is home.

[♪♪♪]

Mom,

I told Snake tonight
that I couldn't see him anymore.

How'd he take it?

He gave me something
to remember him by:

His gold earring.

DANNY:
Is it real gold?

[♪♪♪]

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Hi, Reuben.
Hi, Shirl.

Hi,
Mr. Kincaid.

Hi, g*ng. Did you get a new dog?
No.

Oh, I saw paper scattered
all over the place.

What is that?
I don't know.

I found it on the doorstep.

I figured it was your laundry
or an abandoned baby.

A flamingo?

There's a note here
addressed to Laurie.

For me?

It's from Snake.
Listen to this:

I remember a Partridge
That is long since gone

I remember a flamingo
That sat upon her lawn

I bought this from a lady
Selling small forgets-me-not

But I wouldn't put it
in your yard

Because I think
the bird is hot

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]