02x05 - Anatomy of a Tonsil

[bunniefuu]

[THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY'S
"COME ON GET HAPPY" PLAYING]

♪ Hello, world, hear the song
That we're singing ♪

♪ Come on, get happy ♪

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
Is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We had a dream
We'd go traveling together ♪

♪ We'd spread a little love ♪

♪ And then we'll keep
Movin' on ♪

♪ Something always happens
Whenever we're together ♪

♪ We get a happy feeling
When we're singing a song ♪

♪ Traveling along there's
A song that we're singing ♪

♪ Come on, get happy ♪

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
Is what we'll be bringing ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

[♪♪♪]

Ahh.
MILSTEAD: I see.

What is it, Dr. Milstead?
It's not a strep throat, is it?

No,
it's nothing like that.

See? I told you, Mom.
It's just a simple sore throat.

When did you graduate from
medical school, young fellow?

Well, I didn't, but I watch
Marcus Welby on TV a lot.

Oh, that's good,
that's good.

Shirley, I,
um...

I hate to disagree
with my noted colleague here,

but I'm afraid it's not
just a simple sore throat.

[♪♪♪]

What's wrong,
Dr. Milstead?

Level with me.
I can take it.

Well, all right, Danny,
I'll level with you.

Your tonsils have to come out.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

When's Danny going
to the hospital?

Next weekend.

How's he taking it?
Great.

I wish he enjoyed doing
his homework as much.

No kidding?

Hmm, boy, I was scared to death
when I had my tonsils out.

Now that's just the thing

I don't want you saying
to Danny.

He's not afraid now,

and I don't want him to be,
so cool it.

Don't worry, Mom.

If you want us to,
we'll even be nice to him.

I want you to.

Well, I'm sorry he's having
his tonsils taken out,

but there is a good side to it.
Oh?

He may not be able
to talk for days.

The doctor leveled with me.

He said,
"Danny, old chap,

this is an extremely
dangerous operation.

Can you handle it?"

And I said,
"Dr. Milstead,

I can take anything
you can dish out.

Just give me a b*llet
to bite on."

And then I laughed.
"Ha-ha! "

Why did you laugh?

Because I was laughing
in the face of danger.

Like I told the doctor,
I laughed when I fought

the seven-headed
dragon of Margar.

Your danger means
nothing to me.

I heard that line
on TV last night.

When Hercules
fights the lost continent.

Well, probably so.

Hercules and I
are cut out of the same cloth.

Did Hercules have
his tonsils out?

No, that's the difference
between us, Tracy.

Hercules chickened out.

What would you like to
have for dinner tonight?

Stuffed bell peppers
or tuna casserole?

Um,
I don't know.

Why don't you let Danny decide?
You said to be nice to him.

That's a good idea. Danny?
Yeah, Mom.

We decided to let you pick what
we'll have for dinner tonight.

Me?

If I had my choice,

I'd get a big batch of tacos
from the Chili Hobble.

[SIGHS]

How about that?

I have a craving
for tacos myself.

With hot sauce
and lots of onions?

Yeah.

You must have been
reading my mind.

Well,
that sounds great.

Tacos?

Oh, Mom, isn't
that carrying nice too far?

Be thankful we didn't let him
order breakfast.

Hey, Keith, you wanna play
another game of croquet?

Oh, I can't,
Danny.

I'm going over
to Bonnie's house.

You're just copping out
because you know I'll win.

Grandma can hit a ball
harder than you.

[SIGHS]

You're a great little player.
A real credit to the game.

[♪♪♪]

Wait a minute.

Hey.
Why didn't you insult me back?

I do something
to hurt your feelings?

[♪♪♪]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in, Punky.

Mrs. Partridge,
you look simply ravishing.

Truly a vision of beauty.

Why, thank you.

Do you know, Punky,
it's an amazing coincidence

how you always show up
when I'm baking cookies.

Cookies? You're making cookies?
Chocolate chip. Have one.

I hope you don't think
I just came over

for some chocolate chip cookies.

I'll have two.
Danny's upstairs.

Don't stay too long.

He's having his tonsils
out in a few days

and he has to get some rest.
Okay.

[♪♪♪]

[LAUGHING]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in.

Hi, Danny.

Oh, hi, Punky.

Guess what,
I'm getting my tonsils out.

I know.
Your mother told me.

Did she tell you how brave
I was when I found out?

She didn't mention that.
Oh.

Well, the doctor
leveled with me.

He said,
"Danny, old chap,

this is an extremely
dangerous operation.

Can you handle it?"

And I said, "Dr. Milstead,
I can take anything

you can dish out.

Just give me a
b*llet to bite on."

And then I laughed.
"Ha-ha!"

You know why I laughed?

You were laughing
in the face of danger.

Yeah, right.

I told the doctor,
"I laughed when I fought

the seven-headed dragon
of Margar."

Your danger means nothing to me.
Your danger means nothing to me.

Great movie.
Yeah.

Well, Hercules and I
have a lot in common.

I'm glad, old friend.

You'll need all the
courage you can muster.

I know.
I've been through it myself.

You have?
Yes.

And I bet they offered you

all the ice cream you could eat,
didn't they?

Yeah.
How did you know?

One mousetrap will catch
a number of different mice.

And everybody's been nice
to you lately, haven't they?

Yeah, they have.
Explain that away.

I can't.

They want to lull you
into a false sense of security.

Boy, and they said
it was a simple operation.

Dangerous, but simple.
Sure. They wanna play it down.

But when I had my tonsils out,

it was one of the most harrowing
experiences of my life.

The doctor gave me a b*llet,
and I bit it in half.

No kidding?
Would I kid a buddy?

[♪♪♪]

Boy, they even let me have
tacos for dinner.

They always let a condemned
man order his last meal.

[♪♪♪]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Danny?
Yeah, Mom. Come on in.

Honey,
get up off that cold floor.

Okay.

You've been in your room
for hours.

Is your throat
really bothering you?

No. Mom...

[♪♪♪]

well, I know you didn't tell me
the truth.

I didn't?
About getting my tonsils out.

I have it from a very
reliable source that it...

Well, it might be the most
harrowing experience of my life.

Maybe even worse.
What reliable source?

Punky Lazaar.

I see.
You went right to the top.

Well, Punky had his tonsils out.
He should know.

Danny,
I'm not saying

that Punky isn't telling
you the truth.

But sometimes people exaggerate
just a little

to make
a story more interesting.

Okay, if you're not kidding me.
Because I can take the truth.

I'm telling you the truth.

Now, I want you
to put this out of your mind.

It's just a simple operation.

Now come on downstairs
and watch a little TV.

[♪♪♪]

[ON TV]
truth yet, Mrs. Cartares?

I know it's difficult.
He's so young.

Well,
maybe it is better

if he does think it's
only a simple operation.

The truth won't make the end
any easier.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Troops, atten-hut!

Okay,
you all know why you're here.

I'm looking for a replacement
in the group for me.

Good luck,
and may the best man win.

Not tall enough.

Not short enough.

No. You don't have
my classical nose.

Yeah, you have the
right twinkle in your eye,

but you don't have
my impish grin.

Danny?
Yeah, Mom?

[♪♪♪]

What's going on here?

Nothing.

Just a few friends of mine

dropped in from school
to say hello.

Really?

Looks like a visit
from the Farkle family.

What are you hiding?
Nothing. See? Look. Nothing.

Danny.

All right.

"Wanted for musical group:

" year-old, red-headed,
freckle-faced boy.

"Must be good-looking
and have impish grin.

"Must love children, dogs,
and his country."

Danny.

Uh, troops,
left face!

Forward, march!

[BOYS SINGING
"AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL"]

♪ O beautiful
For spacious skies ♪

♪ For amber waves of grain ♪

What was that?

Well, my ad said
they had to love their country.

I guess they're trying
to prove

they're worthy
of my job.

Danny Partridge.

Mom, I was only trying
to help the family.

I was looking
for a replacement

in case something
did happen to me.

Something is going
to happen to you

if you ever pull a stunt
like this again.

Understood?
Understood.

But I still feel bad
about one thing though.

Oh?
it's going to be

for you guys to replace me.

[♪♪♪]

Danny, come on.

You have to be at the hospital
in a few minutes.

Look, Danny's frightened
about going to the hospital,

so everyone please--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
We'll be nice to him.

Look,
don't be nice to him.

That's one of the reasons
he's afraid.

Just treat him normally.
Be rotten to him.

Well,
I don't get it.

A few days ago it didn't bother
him at all.

Yeah, well a few days ago the
operation was a few days away.

Now he's got it in his head--
CHRIS: Hi, Danny.

[♪♪♪]

Looks like he's
walking the last mile.

He thinks he is.

Hey, Danny.

I know the only reason
you're going to the hospital

is because you're afraid

to play me another game
of croquet, right?

Nice try, Keith.
I appreciate it.

Aren't you gonna
insult me or something?

I don't want you to remember me
like that.

Okay.

Uh, Danny, got
a present for you.

Let's see.

It's the latest issue of US
Finance and Monetary Report.

Thanks.

What's the matter?

You,
you already have that issue?

Oh, no.
It's just...

Well, I've come to realize
that money isn't everything.

The best things
in life are free.

Think about it.

[♪♪♪]

Let's go, Danny.
Okay.

Laurie, I want you
to have all my books.

My Spider-Man comics,
my monster magazines.

Everything is yours.
Danny.

Danny,
this is only a simple operation.

Thanks.

But you always were a bad liar.

DANNY:
Tracy.

Tracy, I... I want you to have
my one share of AT&T.

What's that?

Chris, I want you to have
my catcher's mitt.

Every time you catch
a ball, think of me.

I will.

Good boy.

And, Keith.

I'm gonna give you
the most valuable thing of all.

You don't have to pay me
the $ you owe me.

All heart, kid.

And, Mr. Kincaid?
Yeah?

God bless you.

Let's go.

Goodbye, living room.
I had a lot of fun in you.

Goodbye, dining room. I ate,
and drank and was merry in you.

Let's go.

Goodbye, house.

[LAUGHING]

Oh,
poor little guy.

Yeah. You know,
he's gonna be very embarrassed

when he finds out
he's gonna survive.

Yeah. He'll have to say
hello to the living room,

the dining room,
and the house.

Yeah, well,
there's one good thing.

I don't owe him
that bucks anymore.

I'm surprised he didn't say
goodbye to the garage.

DANNY:
Goodbye, garage.

[SIGHING]

[♪♪♪]

[DANNY MOANING]

Honey, it's Mother.
You're okay.

Mom.
Don't try and talk.

The doctor said your voice
would be raspy for a few days,

but you're okay.
[WHISPERING] What?

I am okay.
Of course.

I told you it was just
a simple operation.

Mom.
You're not supposed to talk.

It's important.

Please,
you'll strain your voice.

I have to.

Tell Keith
I want my $ back.

[STRUMS GUITAR]

Is this how it goes?

[SINGS]

♪ Doo dee da
Doo dee da ♪

No, no, no, no.
Listen. It goes:

[PLAYING GUITAR]

[SINGING]

♪ Doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo doo ♪

♪ Doo doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo doo ♪

[SIGHS]

This is no way
to have a rehearsal.

Mom, when is Danny gonna get
out of bed

so we can have
a real rehearsal?

It's been over a week.

I thought kids recovered
from tonsillectomies

in a few days?
They do.

Then why does
he just lie in bed

and act like he
just missed being a survivor?

He claims he
isn't feeling well.

But I think he just
likes being waited on.

Sure, why not?

He's got a good thing going.

Well,
not for long.

I think it's time
that the waiter had

a little talk
with the waitee.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Danny,
we'd like to rehearse now.

How about it?

Fine. You guys go ahead.
What about you?

Uh,
I don't feel up to it.

Danny, the doctor examined you
and said you're fully recovered.

[SIGHS]

I figured I'd have
to tell you eventually.

Might as well be now.

What is it?

Well, the operation did
something to my voice.

I can't sing anymore.
What?

It's true. Listen.

DANNY'S VOICE [ON RECORDER]:
take .

[DANNY VOICE SINGING
AND CRACKING ON RECORDER]

♪ I woke up
In love this morning ♪

♪ I woke up
In love this morning ♪

See? It's gone.

I guess you're just gonna have
to get a replacement for me.

When did you record that?

Two days after I got home
from the hospital.

You could barely talk,
let alone sing.

Danny,
that was days ago.

There's nothing wrong
with your voice now.

Maybe my speaking voice
has improved...

but not my singing voice.

Danny, you've got it into your
head that you can't sing,

but it isn't true.

[SIGHS]
You can sing if you want to.

Mom, I do wanna sing.
Why wouldn't I want to?

Because you've been listening
to yourself

on those tapes
and it's frightened you.

Honey, you can't do anything
right when you're afraid.

Me? Afraid? Why, I laugh
in the face of danger. Ha-ha!

Then why won't you come
and rehearse with us?

[♪♪♪]

Because I need
a little rest, Mom.

And it has nothing to do
with me being afraid.

He can't sing?
No, he won't sing.

He tried to sing too soon when
he got out of the hospital,

and he couldn't.

Now he thinks he can't and
there's nothing wrong with him.

So he's psyched
himself out, right?

That's a twist.

He usually psyches everyone
else out.

He's the spirit
of competition personified.

Yes, he is,
isn't he.

Well,
if he can be psyched out,

maybe he can be
psyched back in again.

[♪♪♪]

Danny, we have great news.
You don't have to worry

about us filling the gap
you left anymore.

Just put your mind at ease.

Why should I put my mind
at ease?

Well, because Reuben found
a kid to replace you.

Isn't that great?
Yeah. Great.

Ah, don't thank me. I...
I was just doing my job.

Found the kid
for the Gipper.

He's very talented.
He sings higher notes than I do.

You should hear his low notes.
What a voice range.

I'm glad he has a good voice.

But I bet he can't play
the bass though.

Plays the bass even better
than he sings.

On those old Beatle records

it wasn't really Paul McCartney
that was playing.

The new guy?
Yeah.

And he was only years old.

Boy,
it's always nice to have talent.

But personality's
the important thing.

Ah,
loaded with personality.

Tousled red hair, impish grin.
Twinkle in his eye.

And his nose?
It's classic.

Not only that, but he loves
children, dogs and his country.

He's exactly the type
you were looking for

when you held auditions.
Yeah,

and he's handsome
and you're ugly.

Uh, he'll be back
in a few minutes.

Would you like to come down
and watch us rehearse?

Yeah--
Uh, no, thank you.

I mean,
I'd like to, yeah, but, um,

I think I better get
some rest.

All right, you
better take a nap.

We wouldn't want
to disturb you.

Come on, g*ng.

[COUGHING]

[♪♪♪]

All right, where is
this great new superstar anyway?

He'll be along.
Yeah.

How about that?
Here he comes now.

[PLAYS RIM sh*t]

Oh, Mrs. Partridge,
you're a vision to behold.

An oasis in this barren desert
of mediocrity.

Why thank you,
Punky.

I just wanted you to know
that I'm as pleased as punch--

Look, give me my bass.
PUNKY: What?

You may be able to charm my mom
out of a few cookies,

but it's not gonna work
with my bass.

Cookies?
Did someone mention cookies?

In the kitchen,
Punky.

And get my costume off!

I'll need it to perform in.

[PLAYING "LOVE IS
ALL THAT I EVER NEEDED"]

♪ What did I want
Well I just didn't know ♪

♪ So each day I kept
Picking up and moving on ♪

♪ From town to town ♪

♪ How did it feel♪
Well it felt so unreal ♪

♪ To not know
Where you're gonna be ♪

♪ Or what you'll see
What will I be? ♪

♪ Then, just when I least
Expect it ♪

♪ Well, there she was
And I found me ♪

♪ And one night of holding you
Told me what I had to see ♪

♪ Made me want more than me ♪

♪ Love is all
That I ever needed ♪

♪ All that I ever needed ♪

♪ It's time I opened up
To greet it ♪

♪ This time it could be ♪

♪ And since she looked at me
That's all it took to see ♪

♪ Love is all
That I needed ♪

♪ All I ever needed ♪

♪ Having you here
And holding you near ♪

♪ Well, there's nothing
That I'd rather do ♪

♪ Than be with you
I like what you do ♪

♪ I know what I've seen
And there's no in-between ♪

♪ With you I've got a home
And there's no moving on ♪

♪ From town to town ♪

♪ Oh, just when I least
Expect it ♪

♪ Well there she was
And I found me ♪

♪ And one night of holding you
Showed me what I had to see ♪

♪ Made me want more than me ♪

♪ Love is all
That I ever needed ♪

♪ All that I ever needed ♪

♪ It's time I opened up
To greet it ♪

[APPLAUSE]

[♪♪♪]

You know,

I think that tonsillectomy
did change your voice.

Tonight you sang all right.
LAURIE: Yeah.

You almost did as well
as Punky Lazaar.

DANNY:
Oh, yeah.

Mom,
you weren't really gonna let

Punky take my place,
were you?

Well, he does love children,
dogs, and his country.

Besides,
he has charm.

Yeah,
that's just like a woman.

To fall for charm.

Mom,
I'm sort of hungry.

Do you mind
if I make a sandwich?

Now that you mention it,

I could go for a bite
to eat too.

You all ate dinner,

and I don't wanna clean up
that mess in the morning.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, Mrs. Partridge,
you look radiant tonight.

Truly a vision of loveliness.

And your eyes are like pools
of water reflecting the sky.

And that alabaster skin...

Oh, yes, and your carriage
is that of a princess.

And your dignity is
that of a queen.

Laurie.

Well, I can go for
a salami sandwich myself.

[CHUCKLING]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]