03x04 - Each Dawn I Diet

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together

♪ And spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on

♪ Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together

♪ We get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song

♪ Travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

♪ You can be what you
feel Life is a Ferris wheel

♪ Come take a ride

♪ It's on the inside ♪

What are you doing here?

I live here.

Don't remind me.

Look, I have to ask
you guys a question.

And I want your honest opinion.

I can take the truth.

Well, what do you think?

Well, I think Cyd Charisse
has nothing to worry about.

Who's he?

Forget it.

Well, the question is, what
do you think of my body?

Tell you the truth, Danny,
I don't think about it much.

Well, Gloria Hickey
does. She says I'm fat.

Oh, that's ridiculous, Danny.
You're not fat. Right, Keith?

Well, I wouldn't say...

Uh, I wouldn't
say he's fat, either.

Husky, maybe.

Yeah, you do have large bones.

That's it. Large bones.

Now do you feel better?

Wait a minute. You guys
didn't think I was upset, did you?

I mean, I never doubted
my body for a second.

I just needed witnesses.

If I were fat, I'd be the
first one to know about it.

I'm fat. I knew it. Gloria
Hickey's never wrong.

Well, I never thought
I'd live to see it.

Danny Partridge going
without food for minutes.

Go ahead and laugh,

but no food will pass these lips
till I have lost five ugly pounds.

You could do that
by getting a haircut.

Okay, have your fun,

but no matter what you
say, you can't hurt me.

Danny, pass the garlic bread.

That hurt me.

Danny, what's all this
nonsense about dieting?

Gloria Hickey says I'll be the
only one at her swimming party

with a natural inner tube.
I've got to lose weight.

Honey, don't be
silly. You're not fat.

That's what we tried to tell
him, but he saw right through us.

Danny, dinner's over
and you didn't eat a thing.

Do I look any thinner?

No. Just unhappier.

Honey, is losing weight
really that important to you?

Yes. If I don't lose weight,
Gloria Hickey won't like me.

Oh, I'm sure Gloria Hickey's going
to like you even if you're husky.

Well, she may like me, but she'll
go to the party with someone else.

Besides, Mom, if you can't lose
weight for the woman you love,

who can you lose it for?

Okay, if you have
to lose weight,

you're not going to do
it by starving to death.

I'll put you on a sensible diet.

A sensible diet?

Yes.

Does that mean I can eat?

Yes.

Uh... A sensible diet doesn't
mean spaghetti and garlic bread.

It doesn't? No.

It means celery, cottage
cheese and fresh vegetables.

I hope Gloria Hickey
appreciates this.

Boy, this diet's been
m*rder. But I must admit,

I feel a hundred percent better.

How much do you
think you lost, Danny?

Four, maybe five pounds.

Honey, that's an awful lot
of weight to lose in one week.

Yeah, but you know me, Mom,

when I put my mind to something,
the results are usually phenomenal.

I have a feeling all that fat
he's losing is going to his head.

Step on the scale, Danny.

All right.

Here we go. Slippers.

Are you sure you haven't
forgotten anything?

Oh, yeah, thanks
for reminding me.

Danny, you've
gained four pounds.

With all that t*rture
and starvation?

How could it happen?

Danny,

I'm afraid the scale doesn't
weigh human suffering.

Are you sure you
stuck to that diet?

Positive, Mom. I only
ate what you gave me.

You didn't cheat?

No. That's what I meant
by t*rture and starvation.

If it hadn't been for my
energy food, I would have d*ed.

Your energy food?

Yeah, everybody knows you can't

operate on low blood sugar.

Sure, everybody knows that.

And that's why I had to have
something sweet, every now and then.

And, how often is
every now and then?

Too often?

Danny, you're just
going to have to face it.

There isn't a diet that
includes candy bars and tacos.

I don't understand.

Where's my metabolism
when I need it.

Not working out, huh?

Now, I didn't
think it would last.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh, nothing. I was
just thinking out loud.

Reuben, what do
you mean by that?

Nothing personal
of course, Danny,

but dieting takes
a little something

a kid like you
just doesn't have.

And what's that?

Willpower.

Something that
comes with maturity.

You mean that willpower
is no problem for you?

That's right. Rock of Gibraltar.

And you can give up any
bad habit that you want to.

No trouble at all.

What about smoking?

I could quit any
time I wanted to.

What about now?

I bet I can diet longer
than you can quit smoking.

Oh, that's silly.
That'd be no contest.

I challenge you.

Okay, you're on.

If I lose, I'll wash
your car for six months.

And to prove I'm sincere, I'll mow
your lawn for six months if I lose.

Shirley, you might
as well take these.

I won't need them until
Danny falls of his diet,

which should be in
about an hour from now.

Hey, how will I know if he's
smoking when he's not around?

The same way I'll
know if you sneak out

to Big Herm's for a
triple cherry freeze.

Scales check on him.
Who's going to check on you?

What are you talking about?
You have my word as a gentleman.

Thanks, but I'd rather
have someone watching you.

Aha! I caught you.

What do you mean you
caught me? I caught you.

Well, a fine example
you turned out to be.

Look, kid, can't we make a deal?

No way, Mr. Kincaid.
It's out of the question.

Aw, come on, Danny. Since when
have you been against listening

to a good business proposition?

Since Mom came in the room.

Hi, there.

Boy, I don't know
what's the matter with me.

I was doing okay, until I saw
that movie on television last night.

Then I just had to
have a cigarette.

How could watching Heidi
remind you of a cigarette?

Everything reminds
me of a cigarette.

I was doing okay
until I got out of bed,

put on my bathrobe and slippers,

sneaked downstairs
and accidentally spotted

that chocolate cake
in the refrigerator.

You know, maybe they
should be handled like AA.

The Auto Club?

No, Alcoholics Anonymous.

If they feel the
need for a drink,

they call a friend to try
and talk them out of it.

But Danny and
Mr. Kincaid don't drink.

I'll learn.

What do you have in mind, Mom?

Well, if Danny or Reuben
feels he's weakening,

he should be able
to call us for help,

any time of the day or night.

Any time?

Couldn't we at
least work in shifts?

There's one more thing.

I'm putting you both
on the honor system.

The honor system?
Well, that's more like it.

You can sure trust
us from now on, Mom.

I know.

Because the honor
system I have in mind,

is that Reuben will
move into your room.

Then you can keep
an eye on each other.

Oh, it's you.

Why don't you go to sleep?

What are you looking at?

Look, kid, these pajamas
happen to be a gift

from an admirer.

What are you looking for?

My magazine. Have you seen it?

Okay, come on, let's have it.

I was in the middle of an article
about oil wells in northern Peru.

Look, kid, if you're old
enough to look at an oil well,

you're old enough to put it
back the way you found it.

That is the way I found it.

Okay, let's cut
out the small talk.

I want to read for a while.

What are you doing now?

I'm suffering.

Why is it I always crave a
cigarette when I'm around you?

I don't know. Maybe
it's the same reason

I crave a chocolate sundae
when I'm around you.

Let's go. Me first.

I want a cigarette real bad.

I mean, real bad.

I thought it would get easier
every day I went without them.

Why is it getting worse?

And another thing, I haven't
smoked for over a week now.

Why don't I feel any different?

Do you think I'll
really make it?

Keith, I really want to thank you
for all the help you're giving me.

That's what I'm here for.

Boy, if I could just think of something
to take my mind off cigarettes.

Something exciting.

Reuben, there are a lot of things
more exciting than cigarettes.

Name one. Gloria
Hickey, for example.

Give me another good
reason for staying on my diet.

Pride.

I really think you're
starting to get to me, Mom.

Now, if there were
just one more reason.

If you don't stay on your diet, you'll
have to wash Reuben's car for six months.

Need any more reasons?

No. Just the thought
of mowing the lawn

is enough to keep me in line.

You've been a great help, Keith.

I don't know how
to thank you enough.

Well, you could give
me a goodnight kiss.

Good night, Mom.

Good night, honey.

Feel better now?

Much better. How about you?

Strong. Really strong.
I can make it now.

There's just one thing.

What's that?

I'm dying for a cigarette.

I'm starving to death.

What took you so long?

Good night, Mr. Kincaid.

Good night, kid. Turn
out the light, will you?

Danny?

I always go to sleep
with the music on.

I could've been at home right
now getting a good night's sleep.

Now why don't you
give up this silly diet

so we can both
get back to normal?

Never!

Danny, don't get me wrong.

I realize it hasn't
been easy for you

giving up all your
favorite things.

Things like pizza,
chocolate malts,

macaroni and
cheese, French fries.

Yeah, I guess it hasn't been easy
for you giving up cigarettes, either.

Is it fun to smoke?

Wonderful.

I always used to notice how you
loved having one with a cup of coffee.

That was always a good one.

Tell me, Mr. Kincaid, which one
was your favorite cigarette of the day?

The one that I always had

right after my
chocolate cream pie with

whipped cream and bananas.

I hadn't even thought about
smoking How can I stay on a diet

for almost minutes...
when he's talking about...

All right, you two.
That's enough.

This is the third night in a row

we've been up talking
about your problem.

And we don't seem
to be getting anywhere.

That's right. And we
don't mind getting up,

if it would just help.

Right, Keith?

I'll go along with that.

Well, now that that's settled,

maybe we can all get some sleep.

Nothing was settled.

You know, if we're going to
have these family meetings,

the least you can
do is stay awake.

Laurie, please.

All right now. How
did it all start again?

It's very simple. It's
Mr. Kincaid's fault.

Oh, now, hold on.

You're not gonna pin
this whole thing on me.

It's your fault we got
into this in the first place.

You are the one
who made the bet.

You can't blame
me. I'm just a kid.

No you're not.

You're a midget in a kid's suit.

Now let's not get
nasty, Mr. Kincaid,

just 'cause you're the
one that's really weak.

Weak?

You woke me up in the middle
of the night to listen to this?

With an attitude like that, Danny
could grow up to be a fat chain-smoker.

I can't help it if he
hasn't got any willpower.

Maybe you're the one that
doesn't have the willpower.

What's that supposed to mean?

Think about it.

You know, you sound
an awful lot like Mom.

Oh, so now you're
running down Mom.

Now that I have your attention,

there's something
I'd like to say.

Two weeks ago we were a family.

Not perfect, you
understand, but a family.

And because of Danny's
and Reuben's bet,

our whole way of life has
been turned inside out.

Well, it's going
to stop right now.

Here, Danny, eat.
You're off the diet.

But Mom...

And if you're worried about
the bet, I'm declaring it a draw.

As for you, smoke.

But I... That's it.

I've had it.

From now on you're going to
have to take care of yourselves.

Good night.

Mom, what are you doing?

Trust me.

Well, this is the chance
you've been waiting for.

Aren't you going
to have a cigarette?

Yeah. I sure am.

Aren't you going to smoke it?

Maybe tomorrow.

How about you? Aren't you
going to eat some of your candy?

I sure am.

Maybe tomorrow.

Come on, kid. Let's
get some sleep.

♪ You can be what you
feel Life is a Ferris wheel

♪ Come take a ride
♪ Come take a ride

♪ It's on the inside
Where you will find

♪ It's all in your
mind ♪ Listen, listen

♪ You take a friend of
mine He was sad all the time

♪ Then he got smart
♪ Then he got smart

♪ He opened his mind

♪ And it helped him
to find It's all in his mind

♪ It's all in your mind

♪ It's all in your
mind ♪ Listen, listen

♪ It doesn't matter at all

♪ It doesn't matter
at all ♪ Who you are

♪ Or what you need

♪ Just take a look
inside I'm sure you'll find

♪ It's there in your mind

♪ Baby, it's all in your mind

♪ Baby, it's all in your mind

♪ Who needs money

♪ In a land of milk and honey

♪ I'll tell you one more
time You'll find it in your mind

♪ It's all in your mind

♪ Baby, it's all in your mind

♪ Listen, listen ♪
You can be what you feel

♪ Life isn't really
real It's up or down

♪ It's up or down

♪ Put your feet on the ground

♪ Maybe you'll find

♪ It's all in your mind
It's all in your mind

♪ It's all in your mind
It's all in your mind

♪ It's all in your mind
It's all in your mind

♪ It's all in your mind
It's all in your mind

♪ It's all in your mind
It's all in your mind ♪

And I went through the entire
cocktail party without a cigarette.

Reuben, you've told
us that four times.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Did I tell you about last night?

I found this unopened
pack in my car...

Three times.

Well, I just feel so darn
great since I stopped smoking.

Of course, I have put
on a few pounds but, I...

The victor returns.

How'd it go?

What did Gloria Hickey
say about your body?

Trophies speak
louder than words.

"Best body.

"Gloria Hickey's First Annual
Swimming Party Competition."

Congratulations.

Well, Gloria must be
crazy about you now, huh?

Not exactly.

What do you mean?

Well, I wouldn't let her
eat anything fattening.

No cake, no ice
cream, no potato chips.

Well, it was for her own good.

She could lose a few pounds.

And speaking of
losing a few pounds.

Just a minute.

Mr. Kincaid, stick with me
and I think I can help you.

All it takes is a little bit of
willpower and a lot of suffering.