04x06 - Double Trouble

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together

♪ And spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on

♪ Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together

♪ We get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song

♪ Travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

Hi, Keith.

Oh, hi... Oh, it's you.

Oh, just what a girl needs. A tender
greeting from her loving brother.

Uh-uh, don't sit there.

That seat is reserved for a
lovely, beautiful, sensuous woman.

Thanks a lot.

It's nothing personal.

Who is this woman
that you're meeting?

Johanna Houser. The most
desirable female at Saint Pueblo J.C.

And your most desirable
brother is taking her to the

beach party this Saturday night.

How did you land
a date with her?

Why, I thought she was going
steady with the basketball team.

Very funny.

As a matter of fact I
haven't asked her yet.

But the party is in two days.

Look, don't worry. I
know what I'm doing.

You don't just ask an
exceptionally beautiful girl for a date.

You have to build up to it.
Wait for that special moment.

Bait your trap.

With an orange
drink and a burrito?

Research. I know all about her.

This moment is the
culmination of three weeks' effort.

And here she comes. So
with all due respect, buzz off.

I hate her already.

You do me a favor and
hate from a distance.

Okay, okay.

Johanna.

Keith, hi.

Hi. Uh, sit down.

Well, I don't want to
take someone's place.

If it's next to me, it must be
your place. I ordered for you.

Oh, how nice. Thank you.

How did you know? I just
love burritos and root beer.

Uh, I guess it's just a
meeting of the minds.

When you're attracted to someone,
you instinctively know what they like.

Say, I was thinking, everybody is
going to the beach party this Saturday.

Yeah, I know.

Well, what do you say
we hit the beach together?

Oh, I'd love to. But I'm
going with Spider Martin.

You know, he's captain
of the basketball team.

I know.

Yeah, he asked
me three weeks ago.

Listen, I better run.

Thanks for the burrito.

I hate to tell you this, brother, but
diamonds are a girl's best friend.

Not burritos.

Tracy, it's your
turn to say grace.

Dear Lord, thank
you for our food.

And please get Keith a date.

That's the only
person he hasn't asked.

Hey what about Sally Winkler?

Who? Sally Winkler.

Remember, she was over the
other night, studying English Lit.

Oh, yeah. Isn't she
still in high school?

Beggars cannot be choosers.

I hardly even know her.

Well, I could set
the date up for you.

We have third period
English together tomorrow.

Yeah. I guess she's
better than nothing.

All right, I'll do it.

What a man.

Ninety-nine pounds raw courage.

I remember Sally Winkler.

She was just coming into the Shakespeare
club when you and I were graduating.

Shakespeare. Figures.

I almost asked her
out once myself.

Why didn't you?

Deathly afraid of girls.
That's why I admire you, Keith.

You had the guts to let Johanna
Houser kick you right in the teeth.

How did you learn to
take a punch like that?

Practice. Lot of practice.

Keith.

Hi. Did you hear the good news?

Spider's been selected to play
in the all star game in Fresno.

On Saturday night.

Hmm. Oh.

Yeah, I'm so happy for him.

Of course, it looks like I'm stuck
without a date to the beach party.

Oh, that's too bad.

Well, I just thought you should
be the first to hear the good news.

Say, you don't happen to know if
Frankie Diner has a date yet, do you?

Well, I don't think so.

But look, if you're still
interested, maybe I could...

I'd love to. Pick me up at : .

Bye, Wally.

Wally, what just happened?

You finally got a date
with Johanna Houser.

That's what I thought
just happened.

You also got a date
with Sally Winkler.

Not if I can get to
Laurie in five minutes.

Laurie!

Laurie!

Hi, Keith. Laurie,
I got to talk to you.

Laurie told me
about the beach party.

I'd love to go.

Oh, fantastic.

Oh, what's wrong?

Wrong?

Well, you said you had
something to talk to me about.

Oh, yeah. I was wondering,
did you like the new song?

Oh, I love it. I told
you that the other night.

Oh, gee, I must have forgotten.

Well, I got to run. See you.

He came all the way
over here for that?

Underneath that cool,
slick, handsome exterior

lies the brain of a weirdo.

What a bummer.

Hi, Keith. Hi.

Hi.

What's wrong?

What makes you think
there's something wrong?

Usually you'd stop
and pick on us.

All right, if it makes you feel
any better, you're all short.

He's feeling guilty.

Yup.

What makes you think that?

It's written all over your face.

It's my turn. Okay.

Hi. Hi.

Something bothering you?

Woman's intuition?

Could be. You
look kind of guilty.

Well, as a matter of fact, there is
something bothering me. Could we sit down?

All right.

Laurie told me you
went over to the high

school to accept the
date with Sally in person.

Oh. Yeah, well, kind of.

Very nice of you.

Well, you know.

Well, what was it
you wanted to say?

Say?

Oh, yeah.

Well, what I was gonna say is...

I think I'm gonna go over and see
Reuben before the rehearsal tonight.

That's it?

That's it.

For that we sat down?

So, it looks like we won't be
seeing each other for a whole week.

I'll call.

Make it collect.

Oh, Reuben.

That must be our dinner.

I hope their food is
better than their timing.

Moved out your... Oh.

Sorry the Zoobs are in A.

The Zoobs are in ...

Oh, I didn't know you
had company. Hi, Bonnie.

Hi, Keith.

Maybe I should
call you later, huh?

That might be a good idea.

Reuben.

But it's not.

Okay, what's wrong?

Well, it's woman trouble.

I got a date for a beach party
with two girls on the same night.

Do the girls know?

I'm afraid not. One
of them is really nice.

But the other one
is really a knockout.

So what's your problem? Dump
the nice one and go with the knockout.

Goodnight.

Reuben, that's not right.

Bonnie, right is not the
point. He knows what's right.

He came here for an
excuse to do what's wrong.

He's not that kind of a boy.
At least he's got a conscience.

What does conscience
have to do with dating?

I guess you would have
to have one to understand.

He's going to a beach party,
fire in the sand, love in the air.

Who wants to be
stuck with a Miss Nice?

And do you think
your "stuck" with me?

Of course not.

Well, obviously you
don't think I'm a Miss Nice.

I didn't say that.
Did I say that?

You're putting
words in my mouth.

Keith, you go
with the nice girl.

We nice girls are always
being misunderstood.

Sugar plum.

And just because
I'm a stewardess.

And don't bother to drive
me to the airport, I'll hitchhike.

The company's better.

Bonnie, wait.

Well, Reuben, thanks
for the advice, really.

Any time you need advice,
you just let me know, I'll be...

Goodnight.

Keith was supposed to be back
from Reuben's a half an hour ago.

Think I'll call him.

Hello? Well, yes,
hello, Johanna.

No, he isn't here.

Yes, I'll have him call you.

Bye.

Was that Johanna Houser?

She wants to know if she can
bring something to the beach party.

I thought he was taking Sally.

Well, he is.

He also seems to
be taking Johanna.

Why, that... That...

I think the word you're
searching for is bigamist.

In most states it's enough to send
the kid up the river for a long time.

Is Keith going up a river?

No, a creek. Without a paddle.

Hi, everybody. Sorry I'm late.

Why don't we start off
with Oh, No, Not My Baby?

One, two, one, two, three and...

♪ When my friends told
me you had someone new

♪ I didn't believe a
single word was true

♪ I showed them
all I had faith in you

♪ I kept right on saying

♪ Oh, no, not my baby ♪ Oh, no

♪ Oh, no, not my sweet baby

♪ There was no
one in this whole world

♪ Who could make
me believe I'd lost my girl

♪ Now, I never ask
you for whole alibis

♪ I know those
rumors were only lies

♪ The truth was right
there ♪ In your eyes

♪ Now I'm so glad
I kept right on saying

♪ Oh, no, not my baby ♪ Oh, no

♪ Oh, no, not my sweet baby

♪ Oh, no, not my baby ♪ Oh, no

♪ Oh no, not my sweet baby ♪

Something wrong?

Johanna called.

Oh, really?

Yes, really.

Johanna? Johanna who?

Forget it. They got you cold.

All right, I didn't
mean to ask her out.

It's just that Spider was
going out of town and

she came up to me
and smiled and started

dropping hints about
the beach party and I...

And your hormones took over.

Completely.

I knew you looked guilty.

Would everybody just relax?

The fact is, it was
all Laurie's fault.

My fault?

Yeah, I had my date first, and
then you stuck me with Sally.

Oh, well, how do
you explain that?

You were going to
Sally at third period.

I talked to Johanna at
exactly minutes past : .

Which is a good minutes
before your third period even starts.

Technical point, but valid.

What difference does that make?

It makes no difference.
It barely makes sense.

Yeah, big two-timer.

Okay, okay, I admit
it got a little mixed up.

All you have to do is call
Sally and tell her I'm sorry.

Me?

All right, I'll
handle it myself.

Mom, will you do me a favor and call up
Sally and tell her I got sick or something?

Let her down easy.

Come on, Mom, you're my mother.
You're supposed to help me out

in situations like this.

What's really wrong with
calling it off with Sally anyway?

Everything.

All right. I'll phone Johanna.

Call off my life.

Johanna? Keith.

Uh, look, I'd like to talk to
you about Saturday night.

I, uh, got your message.

See you then.

I just took a family poll.

Your name is mud, four to two.

Look, meatball, go
something, will you?

If you want my
advice... I don't.

Look, this is man versus woman.
You got to show the k*ller instinct.

Want to see my k*ller instinct?

Just listen to me for a second.

All you got to do is
get Sally another date.

Palm her off on somebody else.

You know, in your own devious
way, you may have something.

The trick is to make her think she's
getting someone better than you.

Which should be easy.

All right, there she is. Now, go on
over and start pouring on the old charm,

then I'll come up.

All right, don't take too long.

'Cause what I got doesn't
take too long to pour.

I'll say. Now go on, go on.

Sally?

Huh?

Wally Betton. From
the Shakespeare club.

Oh, sure. Hi, Wally.

Hi.

How art thou?

Hi, Wally. Sally.

Hi, Keith.

Uh, well, I didn't know
you two knew each other.

We were in Shakespeare
club together.

Oh, yeah. Gee, that
must have been fun, huh?

Sit down, Wally.

You got a cold?

No, no, no. Just a
little tickle in my throat.

Nothing serious.

Oh, I know it's
kind of late, but

King Lear is gonna be at the Park
Playhouse tonight, if you'd like to go...

Whoa, hold on, York.

I'm taking Sally
to the beach party.

And I...

Got a cold, maybe
you should stay home.

No way, I don't want you
barging in on my date with Sally.

Are you sure you're all right?

Oh, just slight chills.

I'll sit close to the fire.

Is anybody else cold?

You look terrible.

Feel my forehead.

Wow.

Wally's right. We can go to
the beach some other time.

No, no.

I want to go.

Well, if you think
you'll be all right.

Well, maybe I should stay home.

I won't feel too bad knowing
you're enjoying yourself with Wally.

You poor thing.

You made me feel guilty.

Don't worry. I'm sure
he'll bounce right back.

Come in.

I see your conscience
isn't bothering you.

Oh, come on, Mom.

Everything worked out. Sally got a date.
Wally's a great guy, they'll have fun.

Oh, Brother, dear,
you have a visitor.

Oh, who?

Sally.

Sally? What is she doing here?
I've got to go pick up Johanna.

Well, it seems she
brought over some hot soup

for some death bed cold
you're supposed to have.

Tell her I'm in bed.
Tell her something.

Not me. I'm not
gonna tell her anything.

Don't look at me.

Delicious soup, Sally.

But I don't want to
keep you from your date.

Oh, I got lots of time. Wally's
not gonna pick me up till : .

Oh, my, you are perspiring.

I shouldn't wonder.

Is there anything
else I can do for you?

No, no. You just go
on and enjoy your date.

That sounds worse. I better
get the cough medicine.

Mom. That stuff is awful.

Good.

Sally, I really appreciate
you stopping by like this,

but I don't want you to catch
my cold. Maybe you should leave.

Well, maybe you're right.

Bye, Laurie.

Goodbye, Sally.

Bye, Keith.

Have fun at the beach.

With Johanna.

You told her.

She told me. She saw right through that
cornball act you put on at the taco stand.

I was only trying not
to hurt her feelings.

Oh, you didn't hurt her feelings.
In fact, you did her a big favor.

She really digs Wally. In her own
words, "He's a nice, honest guy."

Well, I see you've made a
sudden recovery. Too bad.

Will you two stop putting me on?

I've already been caught,
convicted and hung.

Hello?

If you...

Oh, yes. How are you?

If you had been honest in the first
place, none of this would have happened.

I'll be sure to tell him.

Nobody can be honest
when they're breaking a date.

Bye.

Well, that was Johanna.

She said to tell you
that Spider sprained

his wrist and wouldn't
be going out of town.

And since he asked her
first, she felt obligated.

She also said she was
sorry if she hurt your feelings.

Sorry? Johanna Houser
sorry? That's a laugh.

What's going on?

Your brother just got sh*t
down by Miss Everything.

Laurie, you want
to catch a movie?

Sorry, I've got a date.

Mom?

No.

Well, I guess that
leaves just you and me.

We even yet?

Don't move that
piece. Move that one.

Then you can bump
Keith back to start.

Hey, yeah.

Sorry, pal. But all's fair
in love and Parcheesi.

Hmm?

Oh, yeah.

It's raining.

Raining.

Hey, beautiful rain.

That means it will
spoil the beach party.

Serves Johanna right.

Yeah. Old Spider is gonna have
to stop dancing on the beach.

And start necking in the car.

You really know how
to hurt a guy, don't you?

You look like you
need a little cheering up.

Very perceptive.

If you play the guitar,
I'll sing him a song.

It's better than Parcheesi.

Why don't you sing
him a song about love?

Yeah, he could use a good cry.

♪ You know it's very wrong
to want to harm another person

♪ 'Cause someone else's
happiness is never your misfortune

♪ And there's a lot more things
to do than make someone feel sad

♪ It's always best to tell
the truth We never feel so bad

♪ So please remember

♪ It takes a weak
to make a strong

♪ Please remember

♪ It takes a right
to make a wrong

♪ Even little men can grow up
to be great giants in their own way

♪ Just a little bit of love will
brighten up the darkest day

♪ You know it's not a good
idea for folks to hurt each other

♪ The world is such a happy place
when there's love for one another

♪ A sunny day is brighter when
there's sunshine in your heart

♪ 'Cause nothing ever stops
you 'cause you got a great big start

♪ So please remember

♪ It takes a weak
to make a strong

♪ Please remember

♪ It takes a right
to make a wrong

♪ Even little men can grow up
to be great giants in their own way

♪ Just a little bit of love will
brighten up the darkest day ♪

Now, do you feel okay?

No. But it made feeling
miserable a little more fun.

How can that be?

Well, for a couple of
minutes, I forgot you existed.