04x11 - Al in the Family

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together

♪ And spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on

♪ Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together

♪ We get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song

♪ Travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

All right, let's try it
again from the top, huh?

It's a whole lot easier than
trying it again from the bottom.

Danny, you're short.

Okay, let's finish
the rehearsal.

Reuben will be here any
moment with his nephew.

You know, I think it's exciting.

I mean, coming all the way from New
York to learn managing from Reuben.

I mean, that really
takes something.

Yeah, bad taste.

Shirley.

Hi, Reuben.

Hi.

Where's Alan?

Well, I don't know. He
was right behind me,

but somehow I lost him. I thought
he might have wandered in here.

Uncle Reuben.

Oh, there he is. In here, Alan.

Hi, I'm Alan, Uncle
Reuben's nephew.

Hello, Alan. Hi, Alan.

How are you?

It's very nice to meet you.

This is Danny and
Chris and you met Keith.

That's Tracy over
there and this is Laurie.

Hey, Tracy, Laurie. Hi, Alan.

Alan, where were you?
You were right behind me.

I got lost.

You got lost between
the car and the garage?

Yeah, you see I dropped my pen
and when I bent down to pick it up,

I didn't see Uncle Reuben
turn the corner round the house.

Well, at least you found us.

And I also found my pen.

So I can write down everything
Uncle Reuben tells me about managing.

A pen is important.

I see your point.

We're glad you're here, Alan.

It should be a lot of fun.

Tuning? Hmm?

I can tune it.

Since I'm your new
assistant manager,

I can help you with
things like tuning.

Be careful, huh?

Oh, don't worry. I spent a month
working my Uncle Jack's music store.

He taught me all about tuning.

Here, go ahead. Try it.

Wrong key.

Can you go over the part about setting
up the equipment again, Uncle Reuben?

Mmm-hmm.

Well, the point is to make
sure that the equipment

is set up early enough
before the concert, so that the

sound system can
be checked thoroughly.

You know, you don't have to
write everything down, Alan.

I don't want to forget anything.

Yeah, but any normal
person should know that...

On second thought,
write it down. Write it down.

Don't worry, Alan.
Managing isn't really that hard.

Shirley, managing is a jungle.

There are contracts,
negotiations, schedules,

plus making sure
everybody's happy.

Make sure everybody is...

H-A-P-P-Y. Happy.

Hi, Alan. How's it going?

Great. Uncle Reuben is teaching
me all about the managing jungle.

Mom, the faucet's
acting up again.

Oh, Reuben, remind me
to call a plumber today.

Right. A plumber?

Why call a plumber, when
you've got one right here?

Alan, it could be a
complicated problem.

I mean, it's no trouble
to call in a real plumber.

Look, what am I here
for, if not to help you?

It's right in here, "Make
sure everybody's happy."

Alan, don't do anything drastic.

It's just a simple adjustment.

There. All is well.

Well, at least it doesn't
make those noises anymore.

That's funny. It
should be running.

It is running.

Uncle Reuben, I think now is
a good time to call a plumber.

Call anybody you want,

but stop calling me uncle.

Is it okay if I come
in without knocking?

Uncle Reuben said I should, but usually
people don't like for me to do that.

Of course it's okay.

Why don't you sit down?

Here?

Why not?

I don't mind standing.

Alan, why are you so nervous?

Well, to tell you the truth, I get very
nervous when I'm alone with a girl.

Well, why don't we just say
we're friends... You know, pals.

Thanks, that's much better.

- Hi, Alan.
- Hi, Keith.

Hi. Danny.

So, how's your first day
as an assistant manager?

- A little depressing.
- Aw, come on.

Don't let a couple of
little mistakes bother you.

I mean, you're learning the
business and that is the object, isn't it?

The object is to
succeed at something.

Well, you do want to
be a manger, don't you?

I'd like to be near
show business.

I figure, managing is
the closest I'll ever get.

But what is it that
you really want to do?

You'd laugh me out of the room.

Well, no, we wouldn't.

Go on, tell us.

Well, I'd really like
to be a... Comedian.

You're not laughing
me out of the room.

Of course not.

Look, when we first decided we wanted
to be singers, we were nervous, too.

Hey, come on,
Alan, you can do it.

Show us a little
bit of your act.

Well... Oh! Come
on, just a little one.

Come on. Okay.

Okay. Here it goes.

Before I start, there are a
few things I'd like to clear up.

Starting with my face.

I really don't mean that.

I like to talk about my
complexion because

it hides my nervousness
about my height.

You see, I am what
sociologists describe as,

upper-middle-short.

And girls intimidate
me, they always have.

When I was a child, I called
my mother, Mrs. Kincaid.

I had a dog when I was a kid,

he taught me tricks.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Partridge,
Uncle Reuben.

Alan.

Mom, Alan was just doing
a comedy routine for us.

Yes, it was very good.

You really think so?

Why did you stop?

There are five
people in the room.

I don't understand.

More than three, I freeze up.

I guess I'm better off being a
manager like Uncle Reuben.

That's right. Stick to managing,
that's where the action is.

I think I'll go wait in the car.

Suddenly, I don't feel so well.

What's wrong with him?

One minute he's telling jokes
and the next he's not feeling well?

I diagnose it as a sudden
att*ck of acute under confidence.

Hmm.

Hi, Reuben.

Big trouble, Shirley.

What is it?

Big, big trouble.

I have to catch a
plane to San Francisco

to firm up that deal
with the Palomino Club.

Which means that I won't be able
to join you until day after tomorrow.

Why is that, "Big, big trouble?"

Because you won't have anyone
to handle things here, except Alan.

Let him handle things. It'll give him
a chance to gain some confidence.

No, I'll just have to take care of
the Palomino Club on the phone.

I can't let you...

Hi, buses are
loaded, Uncle Reuben.

Alan, you are still
calling me uncle.

Oh, right. I'll try to change
that, Uncle Reuben.

Alan, I have some news for you.

You're not an assistant
manager anymore.

You're f*ring me.

That means I'll be
sent to my last relative.

Uncle Zorba.

He volunteered to teach
me the demolition derby.

Alan, we're not f*ring you.
Reuben has to go to San Francisco

and you'll be in charge
until day after tomorrow.

You mean I'm a real
manager for a day?

Two days.

Oh, I won't let you down
Mrs. Partridge. I promise.

Uncle Reuben has taught me
everything he knows about managing.

Somehow I wish
you hadn't said that.

♪ Did you ever read a book

♪ That's the kind
of book you thought

♪ You'd never ever
want to put down

♪ One good scene
just leads to another

♪ It's spinnin' your head around

♪ Longer you read
it the surer you get

♪ That you gotta
just keep on goin'

♪ Like gettin' an itch in
a scratch where you itch

♪ And a love that
keeps on growin'

♪ That's the way
it is with you, baby

♪ You reach down in my soul

♪ Turn off my control

♪ That's the way
it is with you, baby

♪ And let me be
the first one to say

♪ I thank you

♪ Did you ever hear a song

♪ That's the kind of song
you wanted to sing along

♪ From beginning to end

♪ The third time you
heard it you knew the words

♪ But you had to
hear the tune again

♪ Over and over
and over and over

♪ You got to hear
it one more time

♪ Like real good meals
and cookies and kids

♪ Tears and hummin'
this love of mine

♪ That's the way
it is with you, baby

♪ You got me by the core

♪ You got me screamin' more

♪ That's the way
it is with you, baby

♪ Let me be the first one to say

♪ How much can I need you

♪ And how much longer

♪ How do you feed
an endless hunger

♪ How much can I need you

♪ And how much longer

♪ How do you feed
an endless hunger

♪ That's the way
it is with you, baby

♪ You reach down in my soul

♪ Turn off my control

♪ That's the way
it is with you, baby

♪ You got me by the core

♪ You got me screamin' more ♪

Terrific. A great song.

Thanks, Alan.

That's all for now.
We're right on schedule.

You know, Alan,
you've been our manager

for five hours now and
nothing has gone wrong.

Yeah, lunch was ready
right when we got here.

You ordered our favorite thing.

How did you know I like
peanut butter and jelly?

Managing savvy.

This could be a sign that
you were wrong about yourself.

Thanks, Mrs. Partridge.

It'll take a lot of success to
wipe out years of failure.

What do we have for
the rest of the afternoon?

Well, : interview
with local newspapers.

: , a television
spot with ABC TV.

: , publicity pictures
and : , dinner.

Pretty impressive.

I wrote everything down, Uncle
Reuben told me. It's all in here.

It looks like we've got
nothing to worry about.

Right now, I want you all to go
to your rooms and get a little rest.

I still have a few details
to take care with the hotel.

Okay.

Reuben's gonna be
very proud of you, Alan.

I know. I can't wait for
him to see me in action.

Call us for dinner.

We'll see you later.

Can I speak with Mr...

My notebook!

Quick, where's the garbage?

The garbage? You
want the garbage?

That garbage is a
matter of life or death.

Down the hall and outside.

Enjoy your dinner.

Good evening. May I help you?

A table for seven,
by the fireplace.

Certainly, sir. Do you
have a reservation?

Certainly, the name is Partridge,
as in the Partridge Family.

No! No Partridge.

There must be some mistake.

I don't make mistakes.

I'm sure there's an explanation.

Please, Mrs.
Partridge. It's my job.

Do you know who
these people are?

All I see is a crowd,

without a reservation.

This is the Partridge Family.

The group performing
at the West Winds Hotel.

Oh, the Partridge Family.

I enjoy your music very much.

Then you do have a table?

I wouldn't have a table
for the Queen of England,

if she came in
without a reservation.

I'll get some hamburgers.

I just managed to
get these costumes.

The rest will be
ready in the morning.

Boy, the fast talking I
had to do to get these.

I went to four places until I
remembered where I left them.

There, how do they look?

Different.

Better than usual?

No, just different.

As in, none of the same.

Partridge Family, minutes.

Looks like it's
different or nothing.

Different it is.

♪ Did you ever read a book

♪ That's the kind
of book you thought

♪ You'd never ever
want to put down

♪ One good scene
just leads to another

♪ It's spinnin' your head around

♪ Longer you read
it the surer you get

♪ That you gotta
just keep on goin'

♪ Like gettin' an itch in
a scratch where you itch

♪ And a love that
keeps on growin'

♪ That's the way
it is with you, baby

♪ You reach down in my soul

♪ Turn off my control

♪ That's the way
it is with you, baby

♪ And let me be
the first one to say ♪

I was just watching your
performance from the wings

when I saw this red switch
that said, "Do Not Touch."

Ever since I was a kid,
I've had this compulsion.

It's all water under
the bridge now.

If there was a bridge
near by, I'd jump off it.

At the way things have been
going, I'd probably miss the water.

You know, it was kind of funny.

Oh, Alan, I just
don't understand it.

You were doing so
well for a while there.

All of a sudden,
everything went wrong.

What happened?

I lost my notebook.

That's it?

I had written everything down
that Uncle Reuben taught me.

But, when I saw that garbage
truck crush my notebook,

my life flashed before my eyes.

Why didn't you tell us?

I thought maybe I
could bluff my way along.

You were all so proud of me.

But you were wrong.

I might as well take the
first bus to Uncle Zorba.

Who knows, maybe
demolition derby is my niche.

We can't let him run off to the
demolition derby in that state of mind.

Well, let's face it, he's not
cut out to be a manager.

Well, as much as I hate
to admit it, Danny's right.

He must be good at something.

Well, yeah, flooding kitchens.

And mixing up costumes.

And making people laugh.

That's not a bad idea.

What's not a bad idea?

I don't know.
But, whatever it is,

remember, I'm the
one who thought of it.

And Skizzy had these
twin dolphins on his chest...

Shirley.

Is this some kind of a joke?

What do you mean?

I mean, Alan's name
on that marquee outside.

Right, he's making
his public debut tonight.

Debut? As what? A
public failure, what?

Don't look at me.
It wasn't my idea.

Reuben, he's going
to do his comedy act.

He gets nervous just waking
up in the morning, Shirley.

With Alan on stage...

No, you can't go
through with this.

Look, this maybe his one
chance to succeed at something.

I think he can do it
and I don't want you

to let him know that
you have doubts.

Doubts?

I don't have doubts.

I have fear, Shirley.

Come in.

Alan, hi.

Well, say, I see you're
making your debut tonight.

I guess so.

Are you sure this is such a
good idea, Mrs. Partridge?

I'm sure.

You think I'll fall flat on my
face, don't you, Uncle Reuben?

Well...

No! No!

As a matter of fact, I think you'll
go out there and knock them dead.

You do?

Sure.

You'll do fine, Alan.

We have confidence in you.

- Really?
- Sure.

The worst thing that can
happen is, they don't laugh.

Uh...

It's time to go on.

I can't.

You can do it.

I can't.

You'll do fine.

I can't.

Uh... Remember,
the demolition derby?

Introduce me.

Thank you.

Thank you very
much. Good evening.

We have what I think is a very
special treat for you this evening.

A bright new star
on the horizon.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Alan Kincaid.

It'll be great.

I knew it.

Well, at least he gave it a try.

Wait, I think he's
going to say something.

He's closing his eyes.

He's going to faint.

Before I start, there's a
few things I'd like to clear up.

Starting with my face.

Really, I don't mean that.

It's just a technique I
use to let you people know

that I'm aware that I'm pretty
young to be doing this sort of thing.

In fact, the thing people
comment on the most,

after they've seen me perform,

aside from the total lack of humor
among young people, is my age.

I'm and my
name is Alan Kincaid.

I'm here to entertain you for
the next five or ten minutes.

It'll only seem like an hour.

All my life I've been a failure

and it shouldn't surprise me
because failures run in my family.

An ancestor of mine
was an incredible failure.

He was social
director at the Alamo.

Well, Reuben,
look at it this way.

You haven't lost an assistant,
you've gained a client.

♪ Woke up this
mornin' feelin' fine

♪ I felt somethin'
special on my mind

♪ Last night I met a new
girl in the neighborhood

♪ Somethin' tells me
I'm into somethin' good

♪ Somethin' tells me
I'm into somethin' good

♪ She's the kind of
girl who's not too shy

♪ And I can tell
I'm her kind of guy

♪ She danced close with
me like I hoped she would

♪ Whoa, whoa, yeah

♪ Somethin' tells me
I'm into somethin' good

♪ Somethin' tells
me I'm into somethin'

♪ We only danced
for a minute or two

♪ And then she stuck close
to me the whole night through

♪ I must be fallin' in love

♪ She's everything
I've been dreamin' of

♪ She's everything
I've been dreamin' of

♪ I walked her home
and she held my hand

♪ I knew it couldn't
be just a one-night stand

♪ I asked to see her next
week and she told me she would

♪ Somethin' tells me
I'm into somethin' good

♪ Somethin' tells
me I'm into somethin'

♪ She's everything
I've been dreamin' of

♪ Woke up this
mornin' feelin' fine

♪ Felt somethin'
special on my mind

♪ Last night I met a new
girl in the neighborhood

♪ Oh, oh, yeah

♪ Somethin' tells me
I'm into somethin' good

♪ Somethin' keeps telling
me Somethin' keeps telling me

♪ Somethin' tells me
I'm into somethin' good

♪ Somethin' keeps telling
me Somethin' keeps telling me

♪ Somethin' tells me
I'm into somethin' good

♪ Somethin' keeps telling
me Somethin' good ♪

I really want to thank you so
much for helping me, Mrs. Partridge.

It was a pleasure, Alan.

Sure, having the kitchen
flooded was great fun.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
The kitchen's all right.

Thank goodness it didn't warp.

What are you going to do now?

Well, Uncle Reuben has
booked me in the Lido Club.

The Lido Club?

Isn't that the lounge
at the bowling alley?

He's got to start somewhere.

Sure and if they don't like me, I
can pick up some money setting pins.

You know, Alan, I think
you're gonna do all right.

Well, if I fail at being a comedian,
I can always be your assistant.

Right, Uncle Reuben?

Let me put it this way, Alan.

How do you feel about
the demolition derby?

He's joking.