04x18 - Miss Partridge, Teacher

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together

♪ And spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on

♪ Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together

♪ We get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song

♪ Travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

Hey, it smells great in the
kitchen. What's for dinner?

Veal chops, scalloped
potatoes, string beans and salad.

Great. All my favorites.

What's that?

Oh, just a snack.

Right before dinner? We're
going to eat in an hour.

In an hour I could be
dead of hunger pangs.

Mom, when are we gonna eat?

In an hour.

I've seen sandwiches
cut in half, into fourths.

But why would anyone cut
a sandwich into six pieces?

Well, I'm really hungry, and I
didn't think four would be enough.

In that case, five
will be sufficient.

Hey!

What is it?

Peanut butter and tuna fish.

The peanut butter holds
the tuna fish together.

I think you've had
enough before dinner.

Mom! Mom, you'll never guess
what happened to me today.

Hi, honey. You're home late.

Yeah, I know. I had
to stay after school.

I'm never that happy when
I have to stay after school.

I have got the greatest news.

You're taking your
own apartment.

You seem to be
happy. What is it?

I have been selected
as a peer teacher.

Well, that's terrific!
Congratulations.

Thank you.

What's a peer teacher?

You're selected by the faculty to
teach one of the junior high classes

for two weeks.

It's quite an honor.

Yeah, it ranks right up there

with blackboard monitor
and crossing guard.

I think it's great. What
class are you gonna teach?

Seventh grade English,
Miss Halstead's class.

Oh, no! That's my class!

Tracy, stop trying to hide
your eggs under your toast.

Well, breakfast is the
most important meal.

Danny, would you tell Keith
and Laurie they are gonna be late.

Keith, Laurie,
you're gonna be late.

I could have done that.

You know, it might be fun
having your sister for a teacher.

It's bad enough having
your sister for a sister.

Hi, Mom. Hi, honey.

Oh, Miss Partridge
will be right down.

Yeah, it wouldn't look
right if a teacher is late.

Mom, I want to
get an early start.

Hey! Why don't you be smart?

Take an apple to school
for your new teacher.

Yeah! A little buttering
up never hurts.

Good morning, Mother.

Morning, honey.

I never saw you wear
your hair that way before.

Oh! I did.

Oh, no! That was Grandma.

I just thought it
was more mature

and more in keeping with
my new responsibilities.

Well, I'm sure you'll
be a wonderful teacher.

Just be yourself.

Oh, I will.

Daniel Partridge,
when I want you to talk

I will call on
you. Is that clear?

I was just... Is that clear?

Yeah!

Pardon?

Yes, Miss Partridge.

I'm sorry for the interruption,
Nancy. Please continue.

Give me a definition of a
linking verb and an example.

Well, an example would
be, "The boy ran fast."

Good, very good.
And the definition?

I'm not really sure.

Well, wasn't this a part of your
homework assignment for today?

Yes!

Miss Partridge.

I expect all of you to come
to class fully prepared.

You may sit down, Nancy.

Jonathan Hawkins!

Could you tell the
class the definition...

One moment.

You haven't been dismissed yet.

Now, for tomorrow.

You are to read chapters

eight, nine and .

Oh, no!

And for Daniel Partridge.

Now, class is dismissed.

And she is your sister?

She used to be.

Come on. She couldn't
have been that bad.

I wouldn't be surprised if she
showed up tomorrow with a whip.

See, you should have listened
to me and given her the apple.

Only if it had a worm in it.

Hi. I didn't see you
come in. How was school?

I don't go to school.
I go to prison.

Yeah, he's just home
on parole until tomorrow.

Did you and your
sister have words?

No, she had all of them.

Besides, she's not my
sister. She's your daughter.

Danny.

Well, she's a rotten
teacher, that's all.

That isn't fair. This
was just her first day.

I know, that's
what I'm afraid of.

Better be good or she'll make
you bring your mother to school.

Don't be a troublemaker.

Me?

Look, I think you're
exaggerating about Laurie.

Danny, just because
she's your sister,

don't try and take
advantage of the situation.

Tell her the same
thing, will you?

Don't worry. I'll hear her side.

Hi honey. Hi, Mom.

I was just talking
to Danny about you.

How was your first
day of teaching?

It went very well. It was fun.

Are you kidding?

Except for one
particular student,

who was inattentive,
talkative, and totally disruptive.

Wait, let me guess who you mean.

You know very well who I mean.

You were picking on me.

I was not.

Please.

Excuse me. I had no
idea we were gonna have

a PTA meeting in here.

Believe me, Mom, all the
other students in that class

responded very well.

I know they like me.

That's a laugh.

Three of them are already
making Miss Partridge voodoo dolls.

That's enough, Danny.

Well, if you two will excuse me,

I've got a ton of
homework to do.

Well, just make sure you do it.

Finished?

Yes.

Funny?

You think I'd hurt your mom's
feelings and leave something?

You've never hurt
her feelings yet.

Cake, Reuben?

Just a small piece, Shirley.

Make that two small pieces.

Thank you.

Now I've got an
announcement to make.

I have an announcement to make.

Okay, you go first.

No I was just
correcting your grammar.

That again.

I'm sure gonna be glad when
your peer teaching is over.

You'll be glad?

All right, Reuben, what's
the announcement?

Well!

Larry Canard wants to sign you
for a European tour this summer.

Wow! Fantastic!

That's wonderful!

I think that's definitely
something we should get into.

You should never end a
sentence with a preposition, Mom.

This isn't a preposition.
It's a proposition.

Anyway, two months.

London, Paris, Rome.

Hey, I know a girl in Rome.

I can't wait!

Well, it's not all
fun, you know.

There can be a lot of headaches.

You've never been on
a European tour before.

You've never been
in my English class.

I made it through the week.

Only one more left to go.

Don't bother getting up.

I wanted you to be sitting
down when you heard this.

"Dear Mrs. Partridge, I'm sorry
to say that your son, Daniel,

"is not doing well in English, and if he
does not show marked improvement,

"he will have to make the
course up in summer school."

What? My own sister?

It's signed, "Miss Halstead."

It's a conspiracy!

Well, Paris, here we come.

What's that? Read it.

"Mrs. Partridge, I'm sorry to say your
son, Daniel, is not doing well in English."

Summer school?

Well, that's some
mess you've got us into.

You should never end a
sentence with a preposition.

It's not my fault.

It's hers! She's
the one to blame.

Miss Partridge.

Have you seen this?

Yes.

This will just ruin our
whole summer tour.

Look, no one wants
to go more than I do,

but I have a responsibility to grade
each student according to his work,

and I will not
compromise my integrity.

♪ Workin' on a
groovy thing, baby

♪ Workin' on a
groovy thing ♪ Workin'

♪ Workin' on a
groovy thing, baby

♪ Let's not rush it

♪ We'll take it slow ♪

Well, congratulations, Danny.
You just found the lost chord.

I'm sorry. My mind's
somewhere else today.

That's a familiar excuse.

Everybody makes
mistakes. Let's try it again.

Mom, I can't practice
anymore today.

I've got other things to do.

Honey, we have a lot of new
material to learn for the summer tour.

If there's a summer tour.

Well, we could always
do an evening of

Danny Partridge's
greatest hits. It'd be unique.

A three-minute show with
a five-minute intermission.

Some people can only
think of themselves.

Danny, whatever it
is, can't you put it off?

Ask Miss Partridge. It's
my English homework.

Oh?

It's only a short story. He's
had three days to work on it.

Well, school comes first.

You're excused.

Miss Partridge, can
I leave the room?

Danny, just go.

Laurie, don't you think you're
being a little hard on him?

I treat him like
any other student.

He's your brother.

Why don't you
take it easy on him?

Take it easy on him?

You mean betray my
responsibility, abandon my principles,

corrupt my position?

Yeah, that's it.

How's it going?

What do you think?

Well, I must say, it
certainly is original.

Only, how do you staple
the pages together?

Danny, it's not that
tough to write a story,

especially if you write about
something that you really feel.

Something from the heart.

Now what have you got?

Just a beginning.

"He heard her screams as
he came out of the jungle,

"and there she was, his sister,
hanging onto a thin branch

"as the boa constrictor
slithered toward her

"and the crocodiles
below licked their chops.

"He reached into his pocket,

"pulled out a comic
book, and started to read."

Well, it's from the heart.

Hand that story in, and the
only summer tour we'll have

is from here to the taco stand.

Well, don't blame me.

I didn't ask to have the Bride
of Frankenstein for a teacher.

Okay, okay. I'll help
you write the story.

You'll help me?

It's against my principles, but I
don't want to spend the summer

watching Tracy get prickly heat.

Thanks for the offer,
but it won't do any good.

English composition was
one of my strongest subjects.

I got a B minus.

Don't you understand? Whatever
I turn in, Laurie won't like it.

She's supercritical
of everything I do.

Danny, you're talking to me.

It's the truth.

Maybe her new hairdo's too
tight and it's squeezing her brain.

Whatever it is,
she's out to get me.

Okay.

All right, there's one sure
way of finding out whether

she really is being unfair.

How?

Come with me.

Ah, this is the one.

What one?

I love it. It's so good.

What is? Will
you let me in on it?

There's a short story in here
written by Ernest Hemingway.

He wrote it back in high school.

So?

So, you'll copy it and
put your name on it.

I will? Mmm-hmm.

And when Laurie criticizes it

and then realizes
who really wrote it...

Well, needless to say, that'll
be the end of her teaching days.

That is the meanest,
rottenest, dirtiest trick

anyone could ever
play on a sister.

No wonder you're my idol.

I'll dictate. You type.

"The Judgment of Manitou"

by Daniel Partridge.

I don't like the title.

Look just plagiarize
Hemingway. Don't rewrite him.

"The Judgment of
Manitou" by Daniel Partridge.

"d*ck Haywood buttoned the collar
of his mackinaw up about his ears."

Will you slow down?
This isn't a piano.

"The rocket ship exploded
and threw me out into space.

"I fell toward earth,
miles below.

"Luckily, my fall was
broken by a bridge,

"or I would never have been
able to walk away like I did.

"The end."

Thank you, Punky.

Your story was interesting.

Your style was direct, but
you need work in your grammar,

especially the verb tenses.

I'd give that a "B."

Thank you, Miss Partridge!

Class, you've had science
fiction, adventure and mystery.

Now it's time for
something funny.

Daniel Partridge?

The Judgment of Manitou
by Daniel Partridge.

"d*ck Haywood buttoned
the collar of his mackinaw

"up about his ears
and took down the r*fle

"from the deer horns above
the fireplace of the cabin

"and pulled on his
heavy fur mittens..."

"and as he lay in
the snow, he said,

"'It is the judgment of Manitou.

"'I will save My-in-gau,
the wolf, the trouble.'

"And he reached for the r*fle."

Bring your paper to me, please.

I know this is
only the th grade,

but we do try to maintain
certain standards.

Not only is this story
juvenile and unbelievable,

the writing is less
than adequate.

You may return to your seat.

Whatever you
say, Miss Partridge.

You did what?

Well, I knew we
shouldn't have told.

How do I let you talk
me into these things?

I don't believe it.

You signed your name to a
story by Ernest Hemingway?

It wasn't one of
his real good ones.

And you put him up to it?

Well, I may have made a
suggestion along those general lines.

Without question,
this is the worst thing

either one of you has ever done.

I don't know. Remember
the time Keith took the...

Mom, we did it to prove a point.

And just exactly
what is that point?

To show Laurie just how
unreasonable she is with Danny,

how much tougher she is on him

than on anyone
else in the class.

Yeah and it worked. She
gave Ernest Hemingway a D.

She didn't.

She said the story was juvenile

and the writing was
less than adequate.

All because she thought
it was Danny's work.

Yeah, and Punky got a "B."

The last thing he wrote
was a letter to Santa.

I think I'd better have
a talk with Laurie.

She's still at school
helping Miss Halstead.

I'll deal with you
two after I talk to her.

Mom.

Hi.

I was in the neighborhood,
and I thought I'd...

No.

I drove over because
I had to talk to you.

Oh. Well, I'll be finished grading
these papers in a little while.

It's about the grades.

Mom, if you're gonna try and
influence me regarding Danny...

Laurie, you know
I wouldn't do that.

It's just that maybe you're
trying so hard to be impartial

that you're unconsciously
being unfair to him.

Oh, I hardly think so.

Although I will admit that I made a
mistake in grading his short story today.

You did?

Mmm-hmm.

I gave him a "D," but...

Well, after
reading it over, I...

I'm gonna have to
change it to a "C" minus.

Oh.

Laurie, will you please...

Oh, Mrs. Partridge.

Hello, Miss Halstead. I
hope I'm not intruding.

Not at all. We're
almost finished.

Would you like me to file these?

Please, in my office.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Laurie is such a
conscientious worker.

Perhaps a little too
conscientious, wouldn't you say?

Well, youngsters often get carried
away with their first taste of authority.

It really isn't anything
to worry about.

Providing the taste doesn't
lead to an insatiable appetite.

We're aware of the
problems she's been having.

Especially with her brother.

If only Laurie could see herself

through the eyes
of her students.

Oh, but she will.

You see, these classes are being
videotaped for just that purpose.

Then at the end of
the two-week period,

the peer teacher views
the tape for self-evaluation.

Well, in Laurie's case, it really
would help if she could see them now.

I don't know what I'm
going to do with you people.

You simply refuse
to pay attention.

Now isn't there
anyone in this classroom

who can give me the
definition of an adverb?

Daniel Partridge?

An adverb is a... Stand
up when you speak!

An adverb is...

Sit down, Daniel.

You may write the definition
of an adverb in study period.

Fifty times.

And in addition to your
regular homework assignment,

you are to read
pages through .

And be prepared to be
tested on them tomorrow.

And I don't want any complaints.

And that means
you, Daniel Partridge!

Wow!

Mom, I'm sorry. I...

I just didn't realize it.

I guess it did go to my head.

Miss Halstead,

I don't know how I'm gonna be
able to face that class tomorrow.

You will.

Honey, the whole idea of a peer-teaching
experience is to learn something,

and I think you have.

Come on. Let's go home.

Thank you, Miss Halstead.

Thank you.

Danny, may I come in?

I'm doing my homework.
Can't you quit hounding me?

Danny, I've come to apologize.

Huh?

As a teacher, I
have a lot to learn.

I've been unreasonable
demanding, arbitrary...

Crummy.

That, too.

And I've been
particularly hard on you.

Will you forgive me?

Well... I'll understand
if you won't.

I just wanted you to
know that I am sorry.

Laurie?

I got to be honest. It
wasn't all your fault.

I guess I tried to
take advantage of you.

Thanks, Danny.

Besides, there's a lot
worse teachers than you.

Being in Miss Halstead's
class ain't exactly a picnic.

Isn't!

♪ No thunder, no lightning

♪ No showers in your eyes

♪ No dark nights
because they're frightening

♪ No me with a disguise

♪ And when you feel
good, well I feel good too

♪ I wouldn't put
nothin' over on you

♪ This mornin', without warnin'

♪ She dropped in on me

♪ We sat there

♪ But that there girl
means nothin' to me

♪ While she was schemin',
well I was dreamin' of you

♪ I was dreamin'

♪ I wouldn't put
nothin' over on you

♪ I know it was just a
misunderstanding that you saw

♪ I happened to be kissin' your
best friend who lived next door

♪ And in an unfortunate
sequence of events

♪ The next day the whole town
was talkin' about me behind the fence

♪ But don't believe a thing
you hear until you talk to me

♪ 'Cause I wouldn't
put nothin' over on you

♪ No, no, I wouldn't
put nothin' over

♪ I wouldn't put
nothin' over on you

♪ No, no, I wouldn't
put nothin' over

♪ I wouldn't put
nothin' over on you

♪ No, no, I wouldn't
put nothin' over

♪ I wouldn't put
nothin' over on you ♪

Now look, we'll be taking the
plane out of New York into London.

And we'll be in London for
about three days I guess.

And from London
we go to Brussels

and then on down to Amsterdam.

Where's Amsterdam?

About miles
south of the jelly stain.

Hey, I got some
passport pictures taken.

Which one do you like the best?

No question, that one.

That one?

Doesn't look anything like me.

Uh-huh.

Thanks.

Good morning, everyone.

Hi, honey.

Oh. Oh. Who is
that beautiful girl?

It can't be.

It is. It's Laurie Partridge.

Well, the hair
transplant worked.

Here's your waffle.

Thanks, Mom.

By the way, Keith, I found this
book on Hemmingway in my room.

Is it yours?

Yeah, I wonder how it got there.

Here, I'll take it
upstairs for you.

Oh, no, no. That's okay, Danny.

Did you read it?

Mmm-hmm. And I
was fascinated by it.

You were?

Yeah, I had the
strangest feeling

that I had read it before.

Hemingway is like that.

You know, it's amazing that someone
who could write so poorly as a teenager,

could develop into
such a great talent.

Funny, that's the way
I felt when I read it.