23x02 - Creeps

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

STOOGES:
Good night, children.

Now, be good little boys
and go right to sleep.

Not till you tell us
a bed time story.

Okay, okay.

Once upon a time,
there was a lion.

Was it a big lion, Daddy?

Yeah, was feet
from tail to head,

feet from
head to tail,

feet altogether.

It was a dandy lion.

Oh, no.
Silly.

Tell us about brave knights,
Uncle Moe.

No knights. Tell us
a scary one about ghosts.

No knights and no ghosts.

Tell us one with
a lot of killings

and a lot of murders in it
so we can sleep real good.

I want knights.

No knights, ghosts.

Oh, oh.

Killings and murders I want.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Knights.
Ghosts.

[BABIES SHOUTING]

Quiet! Quiet!

All right. We'll tell
you one with knights,

ghosts and murders.

BABIES:
Goody, goody, goody.

Once upon a time,
your daddies and I

were in the trucking
and moving business.

Well, one night we were sent
to a spooky old castle

to pick up some antiques.

It was raining
cats and dogs.

And the wind was howling.

[STOOGES HOWLING]

[LAUGHING]

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

[WIND GUSTING]

So this is Smorgasbord Castle.

Light some candles.

Shemp, come on.
I'm coming.

This joint
gives me the creeps.

Uh-oh.

MOE:
Hey, Shemp, come on.

All right, I--

How do you like that?
It's stuck.

Quit stalling.

Hold your horses.

What are you stalling about?

You know we got
one night to move.

I can't help it,
my umbrella won't close.

You're just a dumbbell.

Give it to me.

I'll close it.

[SHEMP LAUGHS]

[GRUNTS]

Cut out the clowning.

We got work to do.

The sooner as we get out
of this spooky joint

the better I'll like it.

[DOOR SCREECHES]

[SNORTING]

Wh-What was that?

Why that was-- Wait,
that was the creaky door.

Hello, everybody,

this is Desmond
of the outer sanctorum.

Strange things will happen
in this mysterious castle.

[CACKLES]

Who could get along without
nights' bloody m*rder, hm?

Yes, there will be
strange happenings.

[CACKLES]

[SCREAMS]

[THUDDING]

Oh. Oh.

What happen?
Strange happenings.

That's strange.
Come on.

[GRUNTING]

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

I hate this castle.

People said it was haunted.

Ah, go on.

There's no such thing

as haunted houses and spooks.

That was just a coincidence.

Who this belongs to?

[WIND GUSTS]

[SCREAMS]

What happen?

Just a coincidence.

Fellas, let's get started.

Well, see...

Thank you.

Why are you
thanking me for?

I wasn't thanking you
for anything.

Then what with you
thanking me?

I didn't say a word.
But I did.

Why didn't you say so when
I first asked you?

I didn't say anything.

One of us is nuts
and it can't be you.

Right.

[LAUGHS]

Keep your big mouth shut.

Just a minute.

People have a right
to talk, you know.

Oh, a wise guy, eh?

[GRUNTS]

Let him alone.

Now, listen.
We gotta get busy.

You, help me getting the table
over the truck.

You, take the armor.

Come on.
All right.

Please, don't take me away.

I beg of you.

Put me down,
I beseech you.

[CRIES OUT]

[GRUNTS]

Ah.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

What do you like?
That lazy...

Fine time to take a nap.

Get up out of here.

Look, Moe.
Look-- Moe.

Moe, I'm telling you--
Never mind, go on.

Help Larry,
I'll take the armor.

Nitwit.

Up you go.

Thank you,
you are a gentleman.

Oh, think nothing
of it, I--

That's funny.

For a minute a thought
that armor spoke to me.

I did.

[SCREAMS]

Hey, fellas. That suit of armor,
it's haunted.

It just spoke to me.
It spoke to me too.

Ah, you're goofy.

Honest, Larry.
It just spoke to me.

Yeah.

Ah, you fraidy-cats.

I'll take care of this.

Armor, talking.

If you got something to say,

say it now before
I dump you in the truck.

Heh. You guys must be dreaming.

Or maybe you don't talk English.

Parlez vouz Francais?

Oui, oui, monsieur.

[SPEAKING IN IRISH]

[REPLIES IN IRISH]

Oh, you see?
He don't talk English.

[GIBBERS]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING]

[CRUNCHING]

Oh, hey, fellas.

Take it easy,
we'll get you outta there.

Hurry up.

Heave, ho.

[GROANS]

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Wait a minute.

You're right.
That armor is haunted.

It just spoke to me too.

Hey, it can't be possible.

Things like this
just don't happen.

Shemp, I think you better
go get the armor.

Moe, I think you better
go get the armor.

Wait a minute, I think we all
better go get the armor.

Let's not be afraid.

Come on, go ahead.

Have no fear, gentlemen.

I am a friendly spirit.

Come closer.

It's empty.

[KNOCKING WITHIN]

[KNOCKING WITHIN]

Oh, there goes
my quarter.

Wait a minute.
All right.

Hey, step aside.

Boy, you're really
a friendly spirit.

Give.

Oh-oh-oh-oh!

What did you said
your name was?

I am the spirit of Sir Tom,
the brave knight.

Unscrupulous antique dealers
want to sell my armor.

Don't let them do it.

Hey, spirits can't talk,
how come you're talking?

Oh, I am a live spirit.

[STOOGES GRUNT]

That does it.

Go on to the truck
and get that bottle.

I gotta have a drink.
Me too.

Me three.

Make it four.

I still think
I'm dreaming.

See if I'm awake.

Oh-h-h-h!

You're awake.

Yes, but you
won't be for long.

Come here.

Oh, let go, let go.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Spread out, you guys,
I got the bottle

Oh, boy.

Start pouring.
Okay.

[LIQUOR POURING]

Down the hatchet.
Hurray.

[CROAKS]

Why don't you
watch your manners?

[CROAKS]

Hey, cut it out.

Oh.

[METALLIC SLURPING]

Now, this is all very well, Tom,

but we got orders to move
all the junk out of here

including you.

Gentlemen, I warn you.

If you take me,
bad luck will pursue you.

Heed my warning.

Somebody's playing jokes on us.
This ain't possible.

Yeah, you get the rest
of the stuff,

I'll take this tin can out.

There's the, uh--

[GRUNTING]

Uh-oh, bad luck
is beginning to start.

Oh, fiddle sticks,
I'm fed up with spooks.

So am I. Come on, let's get this
junk out of here, come on.

Go ahead, I gotta get my hat,
go ahead.

MOE:
Hey, Shemp, come on.

Hold your horses,
will you?

Oh? Oh?

Oh, tricks hey?

Wise guy, eh?

You can make this hat
jump till doomsday,

but you won't frighten me again.

I'm through being scared of your
phony spooky business.

Ha-ha-ha, why--

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Uh-oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, oh!

What's wrong
with you now?

That bad luck was down
my back biting me.

It was scratching me to death,
six lions would tear me apart,

bit by bit,
six lions.

Quit lying.
You're only stalling.

Go on, get busy.

Go ahead, we'll take this
chest first, get on it.

[ALL GRUNTING]

Wait a minute,
it's too heavy,

we'll have to take
it piecemeal.

You guys take
the junk of the top

and I'll take the drawers.
Hurry up.

[STOOGES SCREAMING]

[WIND GUSTING]

[SHEMP SCREAMS]

Greetings, gents.

I said, greetings that is.

Who-who--?
Who are you?

Me?
I'm Red.

Oh.

The red skeleton.

Catch.

Boy, am I glad
he's gone. I--

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

Don't be afraid now, boys.

But let's get out of here!

[ALL SHOUTING]

Wait a minute, fellas,
the spirit locked us in.

Hold it.
I'll bust that door down.

Stand aside.

Oh.

Moe, Moe, say if you're safe.
You all right?

Say something.
Say something.

Okay, I'm all right.

What we need
is a harder head.

I think you got
something there.

Let's go.
Right.

Hit, hit.

Hit.

Ho.
SHEMP: Wait a minute, fellows.

I think it's cracked.
What the door?

No, my head.

Listen, fellas,
I wanna get out of here.

Let's try that door.

LARRY:
Ah-ah-ah-ah.

[ALL WHIMPERING]

Why--

You--

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[GASPS]

Oh.

[GASPS]

Shemp,
what happened?

Shemp?
Talk to me.

Poor kid fainted.

You'll be all right.

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMS]

Hey, Moe.

Hurry up.

What happened?
He fainted.

And that thing nearly
torn his head off.

[BARKING]

[STOOGES SCREAMING]

[SCREAMS]

How do you like that?
It's a fake.

Look, fellows,
let's stop dreaming.

Let's quit
acting like babies.

Will you?
Come on, let's get busy.

First thing goes on that truck
is the armor, come on.

Oh, no,
you won't take me,

I'll fix you.

No, Tom. Now, wait--

Why you tin can,
I'm going to snip you to pieces.

Moe, I'm sorry.

[CLANGS]

[WHIMPERING]

Well, that's your story,
now go to sleep.

But what happened
after that, Daddy?

He chopped our
heads off.

That's not a good story,
we want a better one.

Yeah, we want
a better one.

We want a story
to put us to sleep.

BABIES:
Yeah, we want a story
to put us to sleep.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[NOTES RESOUNDING]

BABIES:
Night, daddy.

[BABIES SNORING]

[♪♪♪]