24x03 - A Merry Mix Up

[bunniefuu]

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♪ Hello ♪

♪ Hello ♪

♪ Hello ♪

STOOGES:
Hello.

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NARRATOR:
This is a zany
story of nine brothers,

three sets
of identical triplets

born one year apart.

Yipe, what a jackpot.

Well, when the w*r
broke out,

all of them went
into the service

into different
parts of the world.

During the w*r,
each set of triplets

lost track of the others

and where unable to trace
each other's whereabouts.

Set of triplets number one,
Moe, Larry and Joe,

served in the infantry

and piled up such
an enviable record

that they where discharged with
the lowest possible honors.

These fellows are
confirmed bachelors

and have three weaknesses.

Striped ties,

pretty girls,

and more pretty girls.

[WOLF WHISTLES]

In all these years,
we've never been able to

praise our dear brothers.

Poor guys, must have
been lost in action.

What a break.

Guys, what a break.

Worst break
I've ever had.

They all owned me money.

Quiet, porcupine.

And speaking of money, how about
the bucks you own me?

Oh, yeah, well, I only got ,
so here's , I owe you .

Thanks.
Hey, Moe.

You owe me .

Well, here's ,
I'll owe you .

Uh-uh, you owe me ,

Here's ,
I owe you .

Here's the I owe you.

Here's the I owe you.

Here's the I owe you.

Good, now we're all even.

Even or not,

I-I feel sad about
our dear brothers.

W-We need something
to cheer us up, l-like--

Yeah, yeah.
Like, girls to cheer us up.

Yeah, like girls.
Yeah.

What will you have?
Blonde, brunette or henna color?

Oh, henna color with all.

Seek and we shall find.

Where do you wanna go?

I don't know.

Where do you wanna go?

I don't know.

Where do you wanna go?

I don't know,
where do you wanna go?

Quiet, you stupes.

Come on, let's go.

BOTH:
Where do you wanna go?

I don't know,
where do yo--

Come on,
get the coats.

All right.

Super--
Oh!

Larry, look.
What's--

[LAUGHS]

Oh. Ooh! Ooh, I--
Ooh, I-- Ooh I can't--

LARRY AND MOE:
Joe, Joe, Joe,
what's the matter?

Nothing, nice piece of acting,
though, isn't it?

Come on. Get your hat
and let's go. Come on.

NARRATOR:
This is set of triplets
number two,

Louie, Max and Jack.

They also had an enviable
record in the service.

They never got out
of boot camp.

They're the married brothers,
poor saps,

and they're still holding
hands with their wives.

They ever let go their
wives will k*ll 'em.

Now, these brothers,
by a strange coincidence,

are living in the very
same city,

and like most married men,
they're hen pecked

and hate to where neckties.

Well, we're ready.

Well, now, you run
along the church

and we'll cook you
a nice, Sunday dinner.

Oh, we're lucky to have
such wonderful husbands.

They're not only handsome,
but they can cook too.

Well, kiss us goodbye.

ALL:
Bye.

NARRATOR:
Here we have set of triplets
number three.

Luke, Morris and Jeff.

All right,
so you're ahead of me.

You know they're living
in the same city.

They where in the Air Corps,

uh, pilots.
Kitchen pilots that is.

They pilot here,
they pilot there,

they pilot anywhere,

but these three
dapper suckers

bow ties,
boutonnieres and all,

at this precise moment
are becoming engaged

to three lovely lasses.

Uh, girls, that is.

[GIRLS GIGGLE]

Oh, boy,
we're engaged.

I'm the happiest man
in the world.

[SOBBING]

Me too.
Me too.

[ALL SOBBING]

There, there, there, now.

Don't cry.

We're so thrilled
we can hardly wait

to go show our
rings to daddy.

Right. Hey, girls, you run
along and we'll meet you

in a couple of hours
down in the tavern.

Yeah, and we'll celebrate
with champagne.

Goodbye, honey.

So long.
Bye.

It's official,
we're engaged,

we're engaged.

[ALL SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

Where's the dames?

Joint's deserted.
Hey, it's a little early.

Will this table do?

It has pretty legs.

Let's have a scorecard.
Thank you.

What will it be, gentlemen?

Henna color
to cheer us up.

We'll have a shingle roof.

A "shingle roof"?

Yeah, it's on the house.

[STOOGES LAUGH]

Ahem, just make
it a bottle of champagne.

Yes, sir.
Y-yeah, w-with bubbles.

Yeah, the cheap variety.
Yes, sir.

Did you ever see
a poker face like that?

Mm-hm.

There's our sweethearts.

ALL:
Yeah.

If you ever get the dough--

Honey.

Dumpling.

Dumpling,
I'm dumpling.

JOE:
Mm, you doll.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Then here's another
prescription.

MOE:
This I like.

Gosh, if I didn't see you,

I'd think I was dreaming.

I've been dreaming about
you for hours, darling.

MOE: Too good to be true.
Do tell, do tell.

Mm, you're so sweet.

Oh, I am.
I'm sweet.

Darling, I'm so glad
you're here.

Well, I'm not
exactly sorry, baby.

Gosh, you never kissed me
like that before.

Neither did you.

[SQUEALS]

Where do you wanna go?

Anywhere, dumpling.

"Dumpling" she calls me.
Sit down.

We're gonna have
a lot of fun.

Hey, waiter,
bring six glasses.

Oh, guys,
isn't this exciting?

Oh, boy.
Thank you.

All right, now beat it,
laughing boy.

Champagne, my goodness,
how extravagant.

We are celebrating.

Oh, for you girls,
anything.

But you should save your money,
we'll need it.

We will?
Certainly.

After we're all married
we'll need lots of money.

These babies
work fast.

That's because
we're so irresistible.

Oh.

Oh, boy.

Come-- Pour faster.

[ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE]

Take a pick, guys.
Take a pick.

I got my pick.

Here's how.

I know how.

Ooh, the bubbles tickle.

Let's grab
the lemonade and zoom.

[GASPS]

Honey bunny.

[ALL KISSING AND LAUGHING]

Our husbands.

Well, of all the two-timing
chiselers.

Why, you no good,
how dare you.

I'll fix you.

Leave them alone.

[WOMEN ALL SCREAMING AT ONCE]

Hey, fellas,
we better retreat.

Not me.

I-I like to watch women
fight over me.

Ah, come on.
Aw, Moe.

[WOMEN FIGHTING]

All right, that's it.
Oh, all right.

Ladies, ladies, please,
control yourselves. Control--

Oh, my goodness,
I hit the--

[GASPS]

[CRASHING]

Where are those three
no good husbands of ours.

Your husbands?
You mean you--

Yes, that's right,
our husbands.

But we're engaged
to those guys.

And you can
have them.

If there's anything left
when we get through with them.

Come on, girls.

[WOMEN SOBBING]

I think the w*r
is over.

Come on.

I'm--

I'll never talk
to him again.

What was this
all about?

Oh.
Ow.

Hey.

Here's your old
engagement ring.

We wouldn't marry you if you
were the last men on Earth.

Oh!
Hey, cut it out.

What did I do?

[STOOGES GRUNTING]

[ALL SCREAMING AT ONCE]

JOE:
They're crazy.
They're crazy.

MOE: Those women are crazy.
JOE: Let's get some air.

[WOMEN WHIMPERING]

There's our
sweethearts now.

Shh. Let's surprise 'em.

BROTHERS:
Guess who?

Ow.
Ooh.

What's the big idea?

Don't give out that
innocent stuff.

What is this, a gag?

You ought to know.
You bigamist.

Bigamist, wha--?

[BROTHERS ALL CRY OUT]

Oh, oh, honey.
Listen to me--

Wait, wait--

We didn't do no--

[MUTTERING]

Pinch me.
See if I'm dreaming.

Ow, not so hard.

Ow, not so hard.

Ooh, copy.

This will do.

[HUMMING]

Hey, fellas, look.

Ooh, yummy, yummy.

Will our wives be happy
with a meal like this.

I wouldn't be surprised
if they bring us some presents.

Yeah, something different.

Yeah, something
we don't even expect.

JACK:
Boy, are they beautiful, eh?

MAX:
Yeah, and what beautiful
legs they have.

And young. Now, there's
something I could really go for.

[SCREAMS]

You, double-crossing--

[ALL SHOUTING]

What happened?
What are you doing?

Hey, wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

What's this
all about?

What, have do you girls
been drinking or something?

Don't give us that,
we caught you with those girls

down at the tavern
and you know it.

You must be drunk.

How could we be
down at the tavern

and cooking a meal
at the same time?

We saw you there.

Now, wait a minute.

We'll go down to tavern with
you and prove we weren't there,

and if we're guilty

you can smack us over
the head with that bat.

Good, get your coats
and let's go.

Come on!
All right.

We'll prove to you
we're innocent.

Yeah, we--

What kind of thing
is this here.

This is a mystery...

Hey, waiter, did you ever
see us in here before?

Are you kidding?

Say, how about paying
the bill for the champagne

you brought the girls
this morning?

You're crazy,
we were never here before.

What did I mean?
Pay up.

[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]

I knew you were--
You-- You--

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Maybe the girls came back.
Yeah.

LOUIE:
Hey. Hey, you're hurting me.

Hey, this seems
to be catching.

[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]

Look, it's our brothers.

Come on.

Hey, cut that out.

BROTHERS :
Brothers.

BROTHERS :
Brothers.

What do you know,
look at that.

[BROTHERS ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE]

Gosh, they never told us
they had brothers.

No.
JACK: What a surprise,

Let us look at you.

Oh, boy.

You, guys really
look wonderful.

LUKE:
Wait a minute.

I almost forgot.
Boys, meet our wives.

This is Larry,
Moe and Joe.

No, I'm Luke.

I'm Morris.
I'm Jeff.

Ha-ha, we never could
tell each other apart.

Gee, boys,

we want to apologize

for beating you up
this morning.

Y-You didn't beat us up,
our sweethearts did.

No, no, we beat
your sweethearts up.

Impossible.

We didn't see you
this morning,

and we wouldn't
know you if we did.

Then you three worms
must have been here.

BROTHERS :
No.

This is crazy.

We weren't even here.

We were home cooking.

LOUIE: They're plumb crazy.
When I see them,

I'm going to--

I don't know.
I don't know either.

LOUIE:
There's something
fishy around here.

MORRIS:
What do they want,
what's going on here?

JACK:
I don't know.

Neither do they.

LUKE:
Yeah, what's this?

Morris.

Jeff.
Luke.

I'm Louis.
I'm Jack.

I'm Max.
I'm mortified.

Gosh, we made
a terrible mistake.

Oh, please excuse us
for hitting you this morning.

Uh-oh, here we go again.

Everybody is crazy.

You didn't hit us.

You hit us.

ALL:
Oh, we're so sorry.

We apologized.

ALL:
And we apologize too.

But you had it coming.

You're married
to these three ladies.

BROTHERS:
No.

BROTHERS :
We are married to them.

[GASPS]

Darling, I'm sorry.

Me too.
Yes.

Now that this
is all settled,

you can give us
our rings back.

Give them back?

We gave you them
this morning.

But we give them
back to you.

What are you
trying to pull?

What are you
trying to pull?

WOMAN:
We gave them to you.

BROTHERS: You didn't.
WOMEN: We did.

You didn't, you didn't,
you didn't, and that's final.

WOMAN :
We gave them to you.

BROTHERS:
You didn't.

WOMEN:
We did.

Brother.
Brother.

[BROTHERS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

This gets worse
by the minute.

They go like peas
in a pod.

Or else we're seeing things.

Is this real?

Something tells me
these last ones

are the brothers
we met this morning.

JEFF:
You boys. This is a miracle.

Now, no rough stuff girls.
Yeah, here's your rings.

Here.

ALL:
Oh, thank you.

[WOMEN SIGHING]

We love you.

We're sorry.

Oh, darling,
we've been awful.

MAX:
You sure have.

LOUIE:
Skip it. Give us a kiss.

I have an idea.
Listen, everybody,

let's all go back
to our house

and celebrate
this wonderful reunion.

Oh, wonderful.
Right, now, look.

You folks run along,
Louie, Jack and I

will pick up a few
bottles of champagne

and we'll be home later.

Come on, let's go.

[ALL CHATTERING]

JACK:
Everybody go. That's it.

There they are.

Now, let's see,
where's the--

There he is.

Hey, waiter, wake up.
Wake up.

It's you again.

Yeah, we want six quarts
of champagne.

But you haven't paid me
for the champagne you bought.

You got us in enough trouble
with your lie already.

Are you calling me a liar?

STOOGES:
Yeah.

Hitting my brothers.

[WAITER GRUNTING]

Good, good,
that was good.

That was good.

That's bad.

[BROTHERS SCREAMING]

[GRUNTS]

We better tell our brothers
we'll order the sandwiches.

I wonder where
they went?

LUKE:
You got me.

MORRIS: Me too.
I'll get them.

A-ha!

I'll chop you
to ribbons!

[BROTHERS SCREAMING]

Now, how do they get
around so fast?

I'll fox them.

Say, waiter, did you--

Ah, now I got you.

[ALL CRY OUT]

[ALL SHOUTING]

Uh.

Oh, no.

[SCREAMING]

I surrender.

Now I've got--
Wait a minute.

It's for you.

Oh, thank you.

Hello, hello?

Hello?

I'll k*ll 'em.

[ALL PANTING]

That guy
is crazy.

Oh, no.

Oh, oh, oh.

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