23x08 - Commotion on the Ocean

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

MOE:
We're ready to clean
your office, boss.

Good, and make it snappy,
will you?

Oh, I'll be back
in half an hour.

This story's liable to break
wide open in any minute.

MOE:
"Atomic Documents Missing.
Suspects Being Screened."

"Top Drawer Secret Data Stolen."

Anyway, I'm putting
every available man on the job.

Oh, boss. How about trying us
out as reporters?

Yeah, news hawks,
that's our dish.

Tear off the front page.
Stand by for a scoop.

Stop the presses.
Copy boy, copy boy.

Stop the presses!

[CRUNCHING]

Oh. Moe, Moe.
Stop the presses.

Now, behave. What do you say,
boss? Will you give us a break?

Well, uh, you boys see me
after awhile, will you?

I'm going out
and grab a bite of supper.

Okay, get busy.
Go ahead! Go ahead!

Clean this mess up.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

Ow.

Oh, Moe.
I'm sorry.

[GRUNTS]

Now, I'm sorrier.

How do you feel? You look
like a bird in a gilded cage.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

Hello, is the boss in?

No, the boss stepped out
for supper.

Any message?

Well, this is Smitty.

Tell Mr. Cameron I found out
that the missing atomic data

is in the hands
of foreign agents.

If I hear anything else,
I'll let him know.

Okay, okay.

I'll tell him.

Who was that?
That was Smitty.

Smitty? Oh, I know him.

Under the spreading
chestnut tree

the village smithy stands.
That's him.

Ha, ha, ha.
Get outta here, you.

Cut it out.

You flathead. That was Smitty,
one of the reporters.

He says a foreign agent
got the missing documents.

Hey, wait a minute.
This is a scoop.

This is our big chance
to become reporters.

If we can find
that foreign agent, we're in.

Boy, you got something.

You know, porcupine,

for a guy without brains
you're a genius.

We get the story, the boss
has gotta give us a break.

[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
They will never find
these documents.

On this film I have recorded

the secret of those documents
for my country.

[CHUCKLES]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Who's there?

STOOGES:
It's us. Your neighbors.

Hello.

[CHUCKLES]

How do you like it,
Bortch?

But why do you dress
like this?

We've disguised ourselves
so we won't be recognized.

We're looking
for a foreign spy

who stole
atomic secret documents.

We're undercover reporters,
so to speak.

Yeah, and since you speak
so many foreign languages,

how about
helping us tonight?

Tonight.
Tonight I will be on the ocean.

My visa has expired
and I must leave

your glorious country today.

That's too bad.

Boys, I want you
to do me a favor.

I'm having too much luggage
to take to the ship.

I want you boys to carry
these melons for me.

In an hour you'll meet me
at Pier .

The boat will be there.
MOE: Okay, pal.

Now, we will have
a farewell drink.

Oh, a drink.
Oh, boy.

Little drink now.

This you will love.
Pre-w*r.

[CHUCKLES]

Good.
Here's how.

[MUMBLING]

[MUMBLING]

[MUMBLING]

Pre-w*r?

Next one.

[SNEEZES]

[BOAT WHISTLES]

Hello Bortch!

Hello boys,
I'm glad you're here!

Oh, we had a tough time
out there!

Yeah, hey,
brush my back off, will you?

I'll brush you off.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Oh, no, wait. Oh, no,
I'll take the melons, boys.

Okay, easy.
There we are!

Ah, I love the briny deep,
it does something to me!

[BOAT WHISTLES]

Well, boys, I, uh--
I guess we'll be going.

So long, Bortch!

Hey,
the boat's movin'.

We better get outta here!

Yeah.

[BOAT WHISTLES]

It's no use
getting excited.

I got a secret for you.

I am a stowaway,
and you are stowaways,

[LAUGHING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

Hey, what are we
laughing for?

I wonder what became
of that Shemp.

You know he went up on deck
to scout for some food!

Speaking of food, my stomach
thinks my throat is cut.

Me too. Hey, let's go find
some grub for ourselves.

Okay, but we better take
our shoes off first,

so we can sneak
around the ship quietly.

Good idea.

[GRUNTS]

I'm sorry, Moe.
That's all right, kid,

think nothin' of it.
You're broad-minded.

You're narrow-headed.
Come on, get outta here,

or I'll knock your brains out.

Hey, skipper, how would
you like that kipper?

Mm, I'd love it,
but how are we gonna get it?

I don't know, we--

[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

Come on.

Calling Miss Emma Blake,

please come to the purser's
office immediately.

Miss Emma Blake,
please come...

Now, you be good
and don't go away.

Miss Emma Blake.

[WIND BLOWING]

It worked.

Oh, boy.

I got the beer.
I got the fish.

What have you got there?

That's a dish of fish
and it's perfect,

you can take my word
for it.

On fish,
I'm a common-sewer!

Mm, we will divide.

I am starve to pieces.

I'll open the beer!
Okay.

Nervous beer.
I'll nervous you with--

Hey, food.

Here you are boys,
eat hearty.

Thanks.
Mm.

[GULPS]

[SPLASHING]

[HUMMING]

[COUGHS]

[COUGHING]

[COUGHING]

Boy, I hope Shemp
got something decent to eat.

You and your ideas
about fish.

I'm a common-sewer.

[GRUNTS]
Yeah, you.

Oh, delicious, if I only had
some whipped cream.

Oh, I wish I hadn't eaten
so much of this,

I don't feel so good.

I wish I hadn't eaten
so much either.

I wish this boat
would stop wobblin'.

Oh, softies,
can't take it, eh?

[LAUGHING]

I'll eat it,
don't worry about it.

[LAUGHING]

Give me the high seas,
give me the salty water.

Oh, I wish I hadn't eaten
so much salami.

Oh, boy.

[LAUGHING]

They can't take it.

[GROANING]

Oh, no.

What's the idea,
spilling water on me?

Go on, b*at it.

[SNIFFING]

[SNIFFS]

[BOTH SNORING]

Suckers, let them sleep
on hard boxes,

I'll swing myself to sleep.

[GRUNTING]

How do you like that.

[BOTH SNORING]

Yeah.

I made it.

[BOTH SNORING]

Now, for a little peace
and quiet.

[MUMBLING]

[MUMBLING]

[SNORING]

[SCREAMING]

[BOTH SNORING]

Oh.
Oh, what a night's sleep.

Oh.

What's the matter
with you? You crazy?

[SHEMP MUMBLING, SNORING]

Get up, come on.

Oh, why did you wake me up?

Why didn't you let me sleep
so I wouldn't know

how much hungry I am.
He's right.

Hey, why don't we eat
the watermelons?

Come on, let's go.

[SNORING]

[CHUCKLES]
Look.

I don't see nothing!

[YELLING]

Oh, and big seeds.

Oh, a prize.

What's this?

Hey,
get the other melon.

[SNORING]

Uh-huh.
Oh.

No wonder Bortch acted
so mysteriously.

[SNORING]

The melons.

That melon is here.

Hi.

MOE:
Bortch is the spy that stole
those government documents,

We'll turn that baby over
to the authorities.

Shh!

Now, you hold this film
for safekeeping,

until we do away
with that spy.

That's what you think.

That's what I said.
Hello.

[GROWLS]
Run!

Ah!
Give me that film!

BORTCH:
Give me that film.

I got you now, you rat!

Let me have it!

MOE:
That took care of him.

[BIRD CHIRPING]

BORTCH:
Give me that film,
give me that film,

or I k*ll you!

I'll brain you!

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Do your stuff, baby!

Whoa!

[BIRD CHIRPING]

Why, you back-biter,

I'll take you in myself.

Mr. Bortch!

Yes!

[BIRD CHIRPING]

There we are.

Oh, boy, we got our scoop.
We're reporters from now on.

All we gotta do now
is notify the boss.

You...

You got him.
Nice work, Moe!

We'll turn this bird
over to the authorities

at the first port.
See if we're near land.

Aye, aye, captain.

Get out of here.

Oh, no, not again.

Land! Land!

[♪♪♪]