18x02 - Baby Sitters Jitters

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[HUMMING]

[BABY COOING]

♪ I got a little bib for you ♪

Easy now. Easy, baby.

Now, let me put the bibby on.

[CHUCKLES]

Let me put the bibby on.

Pull the chin in.

Ready.

Ready.
Ready.

[ALL]
Hike!

Oh.

[BABY LAUGHING]

Be careful, will ya?

Coochie-coochie-coochie-coo.

[BELCHES LOUDLY]

Gesundheit.

Come on, take this bottle,

into bed you go, no squawking.

Oh.

Oh, oh.

Oh, I'm afraid to look.

Get up off there.

Where's the kid?

Get up.

It's a good thing
you didn't bust that doll

or I'd have busted your skull.

Oh! Oh.

Why, you nitwit, you.
Oh!

Ah, leave him alone.

Butt out of this, porcupine.

Oh!

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

♪ Come in ♪
♪ Come in ♪

♪ Come in ♪

The landlady.

So,

it was you who stole
my daughter's dolls.

We didn't hurt them,
we was just trying to...

Listen, you no-good loafers,

you're way behind in your rent.

And if you don't pay me,
out you go.

Now, take it easy,
Mrs. Crump,

we'll give you
every dime we owe you.

We're taking a course
on how to be baby-sitters.

MRS. CRUMP: Hm.
See?

"Baby-sitter."
You have friends.

Maybe you can
recommend us to baby-sit.

That's an idea. Yes.

But I'll collect
the money, understand?

Oh, yeah.
Sure.

Definitely. Don't worry,
we'll give you every cent.

See that you do.

Yeah.

ALL:
Ah!

Ah, yourselves.

Ah!

[BARKS]

[BOTH BARKING]

Hey, bloodhounds,

we gotta get back there,

continue our lesson
on baby-sitting.

[BOTH BARKING]

[BOTH SHOUTING]

Come on.

[LAUGHING]

This is the place.

Boy, this is some joint.

I wish I had a house like this.

Boy, would I get...

Oh!

Oh, get away from here.

How do you do?
We're the baby-sitters.

I hope that's the baby.

Some baby.

Ooh.
Ooh.

Well, this is rather unexpected.

But come in.

Watch yourself.

Now, boys, I...

[GASPS]

[COOING]

Ah.

Oh.

Goodness, I must have
dropped this in the crib

when I ran to answer the door.

But... [ALL SHOUTING]

[GIGGLES]

Don't be frightened, boys,

it isn't loaded yet.
Oh.

I keep it handy
because I'm afraid

a certain party
might try to kidnap Junior.

As a matter of fact, that's why
I have the crib in this room.

Well, nobody's gonna kidnap him,
not with us around.

Oh, that's why Mrs. Crump

sent the three of you.

Uh-huh. We work
as a unit.

Yeah, we're unitarians.

[CHUCKLING]

Quiet.

Oh. Oh, oh.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

My goodness, I must hurry.

I'll probably be home very late,

so take good care of Junior.

Bye-bye, darling.

JUNIOR:
Good night, Mommy.

Make yourselves
at home, boys. Good night.

Thank you.
Good night.

That's a nice kid.

I'll take care of Junior.

Larry, you rustle up some toys.

You go find the kitchen
to see if there's any grub,

and remember...

Look out with that p*stol,
will ya?

It ain't loaded,
see for yourself, you nitwit.

What are you doing?

[g*n COCKING]

Ow.

I'll go.
I'll kick you right...

[JUNIOR CRYING]

Oh. Oh, oh.

What are you squawking about?
I'm the guy that got it.

[CRYING]

Hey, Shemp, hey, Larry.

What's the matter?

See if you can quiet that kid,

he's driving me nuts.

Come here.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

A-coochie-coochie...

[CRUNCHING]
Ow.

You bit me.

Did you bring
the instruction book with you?

Yeah, here, read it.

You know I can't read good.

[JUNIOR CONTINUES TO CRY]

Okay.

Let me see.

Here it is, crying babies.

"If the child's crying persists,

"something must be done
to attract his attention.

"A good way to do this
is to have some adult

"stand on his head..."

Oh, if we could
only find an adult.

"This generally changes
the crying infant

into a laughing dolly."

Okay, bud, you're elected.

Eureka.

You don't smell so good, either.

Oh! Oh.

Now, get going.

Coochie... Step aside.

Watch me, kid, watch me.

I'm an old circus man.

Hey, kid, watch me!

Hey, kid, watch me.
Yoo-hoo.

[LAUGHING]

It worked.

Help me down,

I'm losing my balance.

Oh!

Easy, kid, we'll have you.

There you are, easy there.

We're proud of you.

That was great work.

[LAUGHING]

[LOUD CLANGING]

Oh, uh, I was passing by,
a drawer was open,

and my sleeve got caught
on the... On the drawer.

Oh, I see. Pardon me.

[LOUD CLATTERING]

Why, you nitwit, you.

I told you to find the kitchen,
not steal it.

Pick up that stuff.

Oh, oh! Oh, oh.

[LAUGHING]

I fooled him that time.

[LAUGHS]

I fooled him again.

Shempy?

Yessy?

Get out, you.
Oh!

Oh, you sap.

You couldn't fool me that way.

No, you're too much
of an ignoramus.

Yeah, and that goes
for the whole family too.

Yeah. See that?

What?

Go over there and watch the kid.

Go ahead.

Pick up that stuff
and put it in the drawer here.

Look at that.

And I just happen to have
a nipple with me.

See? So you can have it.

Now... Now, not every kid
can get this.

Now, there it is.

Now, take it easy.

And there. Now, hold it.

[SUCKLING]

Hey, take it easy,
you'll drown yourself.

Hey, fellas?
I think I got something

that'll keep
the little brat quiet.

[JUNIOR LAUGHS]

Oh.

Never mind.

He's got something
that'll keep me quiet.

[LAUGHING]

Boy, that kid's vicious.

Forget it, I'm hungry.

So am I.
When do we eat?

Right now.
The lady said

we should
make ourselves at home.

Hey, I saw a package of
consummated soup in the kitchen.

I'll fix it.
Good. Hurry up.

Now that you mention it,
I'm starving.

Me too.

Fruit.
Oh, nuts.

Hey. Oh.

[CHUCKLES]

I hate the stuff
under these things.

Yeah.

[HUMMING]

"Fee-likes fay-mouse

consumate-treated
soup."

[CHUCKLES]

That's it.

Yes, sir.

Oh, let's see now, um,

oh, yes.

"Saggie."

[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]

That's it, a little saggie.

Now, um,

"caninny."

That should be good.

A little...
What, no pits in there?

Oh, that's all right.

And, ah, what's this?

"Moostar."

That won't come out.

That will go in there like that.

Some, ah, gloves.

[CHUCKLES]

Gloves, how do you...?
Oh, little gloves.

And, um...

Bacon pood... Poo... Powder.

Powdered bacon.

What'll they think of next?

[CHUCKLES]

[CRYING]
Shh.

Hey, chef.

All right, I'm coming.

What's the matter?

He's crying again.
Do your stuff.

Okay, watch me kid.
Watch me.

Watch him.
Get out of the kid's way.

Yoo-hoo.
[JUNIOR LAUGHS]

SHEMP:
Here I am again.

It worked.
Moe.

Larry, get me down.
I'm stuck again.

Okay, here, come on.

Easy now.

Nice going.
It worked again.

[BELL RINGING]

Uh, do you hear a bell ringing?

Yes.

That's my head from standing
on it too much.

[LAUGHS]
[CHUCKLES]

[TICKING]

What's that?

A clock.

What does a clock say?

Tick, tick, tick, tick...

Hey, come here.
Oh, oh, oh.

What's the matter
with that soup?

It should be ready by now.

Larry, go get the soup.
That's an order.

Aye-aye, captain.

Oh!

You know, uh, there's a thousand
reasons why I shouldn't drink.

No kidding.

Yep, a thousand reasons but
I can't think of one right now.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh.

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

Say, did you ever see
how they launch a ship?

No, how?

That's how.

[GROANS]
What's the matter with you?

I'm seasick.
LARRY: Hot soup.

Come and get it.

Bring it right here.

Oh, boy.
[JUNIOR COOS]

Oh-ho.

Ahh.

SHEMP:
Oh.

[MOE SLURPING]

Agh.

Tastes like a dead horse.

You know, if I hadn't
made this myself

I'd swear there was
a little soap in it.

[TALKING GIBBERISH]

[GROANS]

Oh.

[GROANS]

Ahh.

[ALL GROANING]

Oh, Moe.

LARRY:
What's in that soup?

SHEMP:
Too bad.

[JUNIOR GIGGLES]

Ahh...

Ah, boom.

Ah, boom.

[MEN SNORING]

[GASPS]

Gentlemen.
Gentlemen.

Where?
Who?

The door was open.
What happened?

Where's baby?

He was sleeping here with me.

Maybe he's between
the spring and the mattress.

He's gone.

Oh, this is the work
of my husband.

He's stolen my baby.

What's his name?
George Lloyd.

He lives at the Folger
Apartments, , th street.

We'll go there.
We'll have him back in no time.

[SOBBING]

Please, find my baby.

Well, calm yourself, madam.
I don't know what I'll...

There's nothing
to get excited about.

I know what the kid looks like.

Watch me. Watch what I'm doing.

Hey, lady, watch me.

[LAUGHS]

[ALL LAUGH]

Hey, fellas, she forgot to give
us the apartment number.

We'll find it.

Shemp, peek under that door.

Larry, come on.

Oh! Oh, oh, oh, my...

Oh, my eye.

[YELLS]

Oh, oh. Moe. Larry.

[WHINING]

What's the matter, baby face?

There's something fishy
going on in there.

Stand aside. I'll straighten
everything out.

Boost me up to that transom.

Right.

Up you go. Heave-ho.

Oh.

Why...

Oh, you framed me, eh?

No, Moe, no.

Ow!

You gonna start that again?

Wait a minute.
Pick on somebody your size.

You want me to pick on you?

Yeah, I want you to pick on me.

Ahh.
I knew I'd...

Whoa.

[GROANS]

What's the matter with you?

You out of your mind?

Junior.

Wait a minute.
That's my son.

You fellas can't come
and take him away.

He belongs to his mother
and we're responsible.

You're not gonna take him.

Oh!
[JUNIOR LAUGHS]

Now, look here, mister.

We were hired to guard this...
Oh-oh-oh.

As far as we're concerned...
Ah! Ah! Oh!

Oh!

[ALL GROANING]

Ah, Junior.

[LAUGHING]

Why...

[EXHALES]

Listen, we're gonna
take that kid.

And nobody's gonna stop us, see?

I guess you told him.

You said it.
You told him.

Boys.
Yes?

Oh.

Oh, a wise guy,
eh? Why...

That's all I'm doing
with you, kid.

A little too quick for you, huh?

[CHUCKLES]

[JUNIOR CRYING]

All right... Hold it.

That's okay.

Don't cry, kid. Watch me.

[JUNIOR LAUGHS]

You like that, eh, kid?

Okay, let's go.

[GRUNTS]

Baby.

[SIGHS]

George.

Darling.

BOTH:
Ohh.

GEORGE:
What fools we've been.

Flypaper.

Ooh.

Oh, Moe, wait a minute.

I didn't mean... Let's see.

Get it off.
Yeah.

Why...

Oh!
Knock your head in for you...

[SIGHS]

I wanna thank you.

You're the means of bringing
us together again.

[SOBBING]

I'm so happy.

Don't, lady,
you're making me cry.

[SOBBING]
I can't help it. I...

Mama, look.

Mommy.

[SHEMP LAUGHING]

[WHIMPERS]

[♪♪♪]