18x04 - Scrambled Brains

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

This is terrible.

How long can a thing
like this take?

I don't know.
I'm going crazy myself.

Oh.
Hi, fellas.

Shemp!

You look wonderful.

You're all cured.

Boy, we can take you home
now and you can relax.

No more nerves.
No more hallucinations.

And no more seeing things
that aren't there.

That's swell, but wait.

I gotta see Nora before I leave.

Nora? Who's Nora?

She's the most beautiful nurse
in the world,

and I'm madly in love with her.

You don't say.

Yeah.
Wait till you see her.

She's got eyes like stars,

a shape like Venus,
and teeth like pearls.

My Nora...

Yes?

[BOTH GASP]

Nora, my beautiful sunflower.

Ain't she a dream?

[MOANS]
[GIGGLES]

There's something about you.

Now I've really seen
a dream walking.

Dream? She's a nightmare.

Hey, you know, I think
she's uglier than you are.

Yeah, well, she's got... What?

[GROANS]

See that?
Ah.

[GROANS]

See that?
Go away.

Hey, now, wait a minute.
Cut it out.

I thought he was supposed
to be cured of seeing things.

We'd better leave him here.

We can't afford it.

We'll have to take him home
and cure him ourselves.

Oh, Nora, beautiful light
of my life, will you marry me?

When?

Oh, soon, angel, soon.
Very soon.

And we'll honeymoon
on the Isle of Stromboli.

[SQUEALS]

Darling. Oh!

[LOUD KISSING SOUNDS]

Boy, he's got worse
hallucinations than I thought.

Hopeless. Hopeless.

[BOTH SIGH]

Goodbye, my beautiful.

Goodbye, old chair.

Goodbye, old mackerel.

Goodbye, old fireplace.

I feel awful.

Now, lay down and relax.

The doctor will be here
in a minute.

Get his medicine.

Okay.

Hoist up a little bit here.

[GROANS]
There we are.

[GROANING]

Here's your medicine. Take it.

[GULPING]

[GASPS]

[GROANING]

Oh.

Good.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

That must be the doctor.

You better go now, Maribelle.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Coming, doc.

Oh, come in, come in,
Dr. Gezundheit.

The patient is right over there.

[GERMAN ACCENT]
Well, what seems
to be the trouble?

You're the doctor.
You ought to know.

Quiet.

Gosh, doctor,
I feel pretty rotten.

My stomach, it seems so bloated.

And my head...

All right. Yes, go on.

How does your head feel?

Oh, the usual empty feeling.

Hm. Let's just see.

[BIRD CUCKOOING]

Uh, hm.

[RATTLING]

Uh-huh. Very interesting.

[CLEARS THROAT]

DOLL:
Mama.

Heh. Oh, no.

[CLEARS THROAT]

DOLL:
Mama.

Oh. Why, this...
This is puzzling, yeah.

[GEZUNDHEIT STAMMERS]

DOLL:
Mama.

[ALL WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

[GASPS, GROANS]

[ALL WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

[GROANING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

DOLL:
Mama.

[LARRY AND MOE GASP]

[GROANS]

[YELPS]

[SOBBING]

Take it easy, kid.

DOLL:
Mama.

It was the doll.

[CHUCKLES]

Phew. Oh, boy.

You know, doc, I haven't slept
a wink since I've come home.

Well, we'll take care of that.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh...

Give him one of these pills
about every three hours.

It should put him
to sleep like that.

Well, that's the trouble, doc.
He can't swallow a pill.

Oh, well, then I'll have
to give him a hypodermic.

No, no, not that.
Not a hypodermic. No, no, no.

I don't want no hypodermic.
I don't want no hypodermic.

All right, all right.

All right, relax.
No hypodermics.

I will use hypnosis.

[CLEARS THROAT]

All right,
turn around and face me.

Come this way. Come.
I don't want no hypodermic.

Look... Look me in the eye.

Look. You see nothing.
You hear nothing.

You know nothing.

You're getting sleepy.

Drowsy, drowsy, sleepy, sleepy.

[SPUTTERS]

You are now asleep.

[WHISPERS]
He'll sleep now.

Shh.
[SNORING]

Good night.
That will be $ .

Ten for the visit
and for the hypnosis.

Here you are.
Thanks, doc.

Shh.

Shh.

[SNORING]

Cover him up.
LARRY: Yes.

Did that screwball leave?

Yeah.
Ha. I sure fooled him.

Why, you imbecile. That joke
of yours cost us bucks.

Now, you're gonna go to sleep.

You'll take one of the doctor's
quick-sleeping pills.

All right,
but it won't do any good.

Stick out your tongue.

Here, take this water.

[GULPING]

Go to sleep.

Okay,
but what'll I do with this?

[GASPS]

Wait a minute.

Here, eat that.

Thanks.

Did you swallow the banana?
Yeah.

Then go to sleep.

Okay, but...

Wait a minute.
I got a brainstorm.

Anything in his brain
is a storm.

What's the matter with you?

Can't you just get
it in between your tonsils?

I can't get it down.

[GAGGING]

Nope.

MOE:
Come on, Larry.

Coming, Moe.

Hurry up.

I'll blow it down his throat.

Blow his head off.
I'm getting disgusted.

All right.

Now, when I blow, you swallow.

Open your mouth.

[COUGHING]

[GULPING]

Well, you're all set, kid.
Go to sleep.

It's funny, but I ain't sleepy.

[LARRY SNORING]

Well, you're going to sleep
and how.

No, I'm not tired.
Oh, look out.

[GRUNTING]

Goodnight.

[LARRY SNORING]

And you too.

Oh, why do I have to take
piano lessons?

You know it's doctor's orders.
It's good for your nerves.

Now, go on. Practice like
the teacher showed you,

and if you're a good boy,

we're gonna give you
some C-A-N-D-Y.

Oh, you know I don't smoke.

[LARRY AND MOE GROAN]

Go on. Practice.

[GRUMBLES]

[METALLIC CLANG]

[BONES cr*ck]

[PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE]

[YELPS]

Moe! Larry!

Moe! Larry!

[SHEMP GROANS]

Look, I got two left hands.

That's funny.

I could have sworn
I had two left hands.

Now, take it easy, kid.
Don't get yourself all excited.

Just keep right on practicing.

All right.

My own hands.

[BONE CRACKS]
Ow.

Oh, and it's mine.

[WHIMPERING]

[PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE]

[PLAYING UP-TEMPO JAZZ TUNE]

H-hey, hey.

[SCATTING]

I'll fix you.

[GROANING]

[PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE]

[GASPS]

Moe! Larry!

[GROANING]

LARRY:
What's the matter?

I just cut off my fingers.

She won't marry me.

Hey, what's the matter?

Oh, I cut off my...

Hey, he's getting violent.

We gotta get him to a doctor.
Get his coat.

Larry, she won't marry me.
She'll marry you.

She'll call my stumpy,
I know it.

Put your arm in there, kid.

I'll put it in there, but I...
Easy now.

We gotta phone the doctor
from the lobby

so we make sure he's in.
Yeah.

All right, kid, we're gonna
take you to the doctor.

Goody-goody.
You'll see Nora.

Goody-goody. Come on, will you.
Come on.

I wanna see Nora. Oh-oh-oh.
LARRY: Yeah.

[CRACKLING]

Come on, you need a doctor too.

SHEMP:
Oh, his gum came out.

I was here first.
Will you let me get in here?

MOE:
Trying to muscle
in on this thing here?

I've got a very important
call to make.

My daughter is...
MOE: Our call is important too.

Go on, get out.
I can't get out.

Well, we'll make our call first
and we'll all get out together.

Go on, Larry.
Make your call.

Wait till I get my nickel.
[CRIES OUT]

I'm sorry.

Why don't you be careful?

Oh, you made me drop the nickel.

I heard it bounce.
Quiet.

I'll get it. Let me down.

You know, a guy like you

can make a lot of trouble
around here.

[BONES cr*ck]
MAN: Oh, yeah?

Ouch!

Quick, get him out of here.

You imbecile.
Look, you broke my eggs.

Hey, be careful up there.
What's the idea?

Huh?

Hey.

[YELPS]

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

W-what did he say?

[IMITATES MUFFLED SHOUTING]

Quiet.

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

He's suffocating.
Get it off.

[MUFFLED]
Help. Help. Help.

[GROANING]

Now, take it easy. Aah!

I'll m*rder those guys.

You stupid idiot.
You ruined my cake.

Don't you yell at me.

[GROWLING]
[GROANING]

[SCREAMS]

[GROANS]

Why you...

[GRUNTS]

Oh, a wise guy.
[YELPING]

Take it easy.

Hey, take it easy there, boy.

[YELPS]

Easy.
[YELPS]

[ALL GRUNTING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

[ALL GROANING]

My goodness.

[GAGGING]

Nickels. I hit the jackpot.

[LAUGHING]

[GROANING]

WOMAN [ON PHONE]:
You have the wrong number.

I'll m*rder you.

[STOOGES WHIMPERING]

If I ever see you again,
I'll tear you limb from limb.

STOOGES:
♪ Oh, Nora ♪

♪ Nora ♪

♪ Today I'll marry ♪

♪ Nora ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm so in love with ♪

♪ Nora ♪

[ALL CHUCKLE]

[GASPS]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

That's her.

[GROANS]

I'd better have another drink.
I can still see her face.

Quiet.

Angel face, you're beautiful.

Oh, I have wonderful news.

Papa arrived in town yesterday

and he's going
to give the bride away.

He's down parking the car.
He'll be...

[KNOCKING]
Oh, that's Papa now.

[ALL WHIMPERING]

MOE:
Wait a minute. Take it easy.

Why, I'll m*rder you!

Take it easy, now. Easy, now.

[WHIMPERS]

Quick, out the window.
Out the window.

[ALL GRUNT]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[LOUD THUDS]

NORA:
Hold it, Pa.

Hold it.
I'm saving this one for me.

[NORA HUMMING MENDELSSOHN'S
"WEDDING MARCH"]

Hey, Moe! Hey, Larry!

[GROANS]

[NORA CONTINUES HUMMING]

[♪♪♪]