20x05 - Spooks!

[bunniefuu]

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[MOE WHISTLES]
[SHEMP SQUEALING]

[LARRY SNORES]

[MOE WHISTLES]

[SHEMP SQUEALING]

[ALL GROAN]

[LARRY SNORES]

[MOE WHISTLES]

[SHEMP SQUEALING]

Gentlemen!
Gentlemen!

Where?
Gentlemen, you!

Oh! Okay.
We'll be right with you.

Yes, sir.
We'll be with you

before you can say
Fort Ticonderoga.

If you can say Fort Ticonderoga.

If you can say anything.

Please, gentlemen.

You may prevent a m*rder.

What did you do?
LARRY: Who'd you k*ll?

SHEMP:
Who do you want us
to cover up for?

Give us the story.

Gentlemen, last night
my daughter went down

to the corner of First and Jay
Streets to buy a paper.

That was hours ago and
I haven't heard from her since.

I'm afraid to go to the police.
Why?

If she's been abducted,
she may come to harm.

What's the name, please?
George B. Bopper.

Oh, a be-bopper!

Dig that crazy Bopper name!

He-beep-beep-beep.
Cool, man.

Real George.
Give me some skin.

Give me some skin.

Oh!

Oh!

Ow, ow, ow!

Give me a blotter, will you?

Give me a blotter.
Here.

Here's a picture
of my daughter, Mary.

Roll along, mister.
We'll bring her back alive.

Listen, boys, we'll use the pie
demonstration routine.

We'll go into the neighborhood
of First and Jay Street,

canvass from house to house,
giving away sample pies.

We'll keep our eyes open
and try to find the girl.

It won't work. Nobody gives away
samples at night.

We'll tell 'em we've got
to give away a quota

and can't go home
until we're through.

It won't work and I ain't going.

Uh!
Oh, yeah?

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ow!

Now, what did you say?

I said it would work perfectly.

What are we waiting for?
Nothing. Come on.

Ow, ow, ow!
Oh, no. Wait a minute.

[INSECTS CHIRPING, OWL HOOTS]

[WIND HOWLING]

LARRY:
Careful of the pie boxes,
fellas.

Don't lick the pies.

Now, remember what we gotta do.

What a crummy neighborhood.

Yeah, it's spooky.
We gotta start someplace

around here if we wanna
find the girl.

Yeah, we'd better take
another look at her picture

so we'll recognize her.
[OWL HOOTS]

MOE:
That girl has
a beautiful pair of eyes.

MAN:
You might as well sit still,
my dear, you can't escape.

You will feel no pain,
Miss Bopper. Heh.

We'll simply put you to sleep,
then transfer your brain

in place of that
of the gorilla's.

Science will salute you
for a marvelous...

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

A girl just screamed!

Hey, it came
from inside the house.

Let's investigate.

Let's go home and investigate
tomorrow, huh, Moe?

Quiet, coward.

Oh! Ow! I can't see.
I can't see.

What's the matter?
I got my eyes shut.

Oh! They're open.
They're open.

Hey, the door is locked.
Let's try the window.

Come on.

All right, get on it now.

Okay.
All right.

Oh!

Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Moe.

Ow, ow, ow!

We've got to open that one.

Tote that board.
All right.

Rip those nails.
Let's go.

Heave ho.

Dr. Jekyll.
Yes, Mr. Hyde?

We'd better gag her and tie her
on the operating table.

Yes, bring her over.

[GORILLA GROWLS]

Good, good. I'll go
prepare the gorilla.

Easy, kid.

All right, get in there, Larry.

Here you are, kid.
Okay.

[GORILLA GIBBERING]

[GROWLS]

Easy now, Congo.

This hypodermic will put you
to sleep and when you wake up,

you'll be human.

[SNARLS]

[SCREAMS]

[PANTING]

The vicious beast.

What's the matter with you?
Are you still scared?

N-n-n... Yes.

Why don't you be calm?

Take a look through the window.

There's nothing in there
to get scared of.

Go ahead.

Oh!

Moe, we're trapped like rats.

Speak for yourself.
Ow!

Come on.

Ohh! Oh!

What's the matter with you?

This joint gives me the spooks.

It looks like it's haunted.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Haunted houses have bats.

Yeah, that's right.
There's no bats here.

I always... Help!

[SQUEALING]

[SQUEALING]

[BARKS]

[BAT SQUEALING]

What a hideous,
monstrous face! Oh!

ALL:
Ah!

Whoa!

[SQUEALING]

It's coming back!

[SQUEALING]
ALL: Whoa! Whoa!

Ah, blood is correct.

[APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS, SCREAMS]

Doc, I tell you, there's
somebody in this house.

[FOOTSTEPS, SCREAMS]

Yes.
Let's go see.

[ALL WHIMPER]

Gosh, I wish
I'd have stayed home.

All right, so there was
a little bat.

You know, we're silly.
There's nothing to fear.

There's nothing
in this place to hurt us.

We'd better get rid of these men

before they find out
what's going on.

Right.

I got you, boss.

Larry, you and I
search the place.

Shemp, you stay here and guard.

Couldn't we all
stay here and guard,

huh, fellas, couldn't we?

Do as you're told.

Come on, Larry.

I'd better be c-c-calm.

After all, there's n-n-no
spooks to be scared of.

Or is there?

Darn that shoelace,
it's always untied.

Oh!

Moe! Larry!

Moe! Larry!

SHEMP:
Moe! Larry!

Oh!

Hey! Shemp's in trouble!
Come on!

Larry! Come on,
will you? Hurry up.

Moe! Larry!
What's wrong?

A Kn*fe almost
cut my head in two.

It took my hat and...

What happened?

Oh, you idiot you!
What's wrong with you?

Larry, you stand guard.

I'll take mush-head with me.

What's in your mouth?
Nothing.

Ahh!
Come on.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ah.

Moe! Shemp!

Shemp! Moe!

You...
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

LARRY:
Moe! Shemp!

Shemp! Moe! Come here quick.
Hurry up. Come on.

[WHIMPERING]
Hurry up!

What's the matter?

A cleaver tried
to cleave me in half.

It stuck in the wall...

You see, there's
something fishy here.

Yeah, you two suckers.

Ow!
Go on.

You two guys go on
and search the house,

see if you can find the girl.
I'll stand guard.

Go on!

Hurry!

Oh, a dead cow.

You're crazy.
That's an elk.

Now, come here.

One thing to remember, we got
to search every nook and cranny.

What's a cranny?
This!

Ow! Oh, oh!
The closet. Go ahead.

Oh!

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, mama!

Oh, I didn't know
it was you, Larry.

I didn't know it was you.
Oh, you did it, eh?

I didn't know...
Say, is there a bump on my head?

No.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

Pretty soon, young lady.

[SNARLS]

[TAPPING ON WALL]
Come in.

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING, WHIMPERING]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING]

When I was a kid,
I loved these Roman candles.

Shemp! Larry!
Yeah?

Somebody tried to cut
my head off with a sickle.

Now do you believe us?

Hey, I bet a brass nickel
somebody's trying to scare us

out of this place, that's what.

You can say that again.

I bet a brass nickel
somebody's trying to scare us

out of this place,
that's what. I...

Hey, did you say that?

No.
I said it.

Well, why don't you
stop butting in.

How do you like
that ugly-looking...?

[ALL SCREAM]

[SCREAMS]

Hey, it's out of juice.

[STOOGES SCREAMING]

[ALL SCREAM]

Ow! Oh!

Ow! Ohh!

Oh.

Hey, there's a window.
Quick, let's get out of here.

[GLASS SHATTERING]

We should have gone home like
he said, you stubborn mule.

Ow!
Ow!

Why, you...
Get away from here. I...

Get out! Get away from here.
Oh! Oh!

LARRY:
Wait a minute, Moe, wait.

We gotta figure
a way out of here.

And now, Miss Bopper, we shall
proceed with the operation.

[WHIMPERING]
Nothing withstanding.

Oh, my nose.

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMS]

Why, you... Why, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[LAUGHS]

What a silly way to make tea.

Oh, it isn't tea, it...

[YELLING]

Hello? It's for you.

Oh. Thank you.

You're welcome.

[SCREAMS]

I'm losing my mind!

[SCREAMS]

Why you...

[GROWLING]

Don't!
Please, no!

I'll get you.

No, no, Dr. Jekyll.

Doctor Jekyll?
We must hide.

Stand back or I'll brain you.

[GASPS]

Yes, you'd better run,
you coward.

I'll club your brains out.

[SNORTS, PANTS]

Oh, calm yourself, Miss Bopper.
Catch your breath.

I got my eyes
glued on that door,

and if he comes back here,
I'll split his skull with this.

Matter of fact, I think
I'll go out after him.

I'll break him in...

[GROWLS]

[SQUEALING]

[BARKS]

[SNARLS]

Ma!

Run!
[SCREAMS]

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, come on, kid. Come on.

You wait here.
I'll get the boys

and then we'll get out of here.

Fellas, I found the girl

and that great big
chimney-pansy,

he looked just like
my mother-in-law.

He had a big hooked nose...

[SCREAMS]
[GROWLS]

That vicious animal, he's loose.

He tried to choke me out there.

Now, wait a minute, wait.
Calm yourself. Be like me, calm.

Have a cigarette everybody.
There's nothing to worry about.

[ALL SCREAMING]

[SCREAMS]
Ow, ow, ow, ow!

LARRY:
The door! Open it, Moe!

Ow, oh, oh, oh.

How do you like that?
Ah!

[STOOGES YELL]

Hey, man the g*ns.

Oh.

Let's get 'em.

[LAUGHS]
Here.

I'll cleave your skull, you...

MOE:
Aim,

fire!

Let's get out of here!

Retreat, doctor, retreat!

[BOTH GROANING]

They foxed us.
I'll get 'em.

[SNARLING]

Ow!
Ow!

Hold your fire.
I've got an idea. Come on.

[GROWLING]

When they come out,
I'll bash their heads in,

then I'll get the keys
and then I'll...

[SNARLS]

Ah, ah.

No, no, no, no.
No, no, no!

[ALL SCREAM]

[GROWLING]

There's a trapdoor
over here. Come on.

Ow! Oh!

Where is it?

In here.

Come on, hide in here!

[SCREAMS]

Larry, the handcuffs.

Ah. Victory!

Come on, let's get the cops.

MOE:
Don't do it! Don't!

Hmm.
I hate vanilla.

Oh!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

They really got it.

[GIBBERING EXCITEDLY]

[ALL LAUGH]

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