21x04 - Knutzy Knights

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[SOBBING]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Ah.

STOOGES:
♪ We are troubadours
One, two, three ♪

♪ Why did my lady
Send for we? ♪

Poor Princess Elaine
is brokenhearted.

You must cheer her up.

Fear not, we'll have her
splitting her sides.

Indeed. East Side, West Side,
front side and back again.

[CHUCKLES]

[GIBBERING]

Hey, recede and proceed.
Come.

STOOGES:
Ah.

♪ Good morn to thee
Fair princess ♪

♪ Weep not or you'll
Get bags ♪

♪ We hope to bring
Thee laughter ♪

♪ With buffoonery and gags ♪

[CHUCKLES]

Ah.

Ah, fair princess.

Wherefore art thou,
fair princess?

[AS WOMAN]
Here I art, Art.

What will thou with me?

Tee-hee-hee.

[GIGGLING]

I wilt, my beautiful flower.

Boy, are you ugly.

Quiet.
Oh, yes.

For thy father has promised me
thy hand in marriage.

Oh, no.
I love another.

[MOCK SOBBING]

Oh, weep not.

Unhand my lass, you brazen ass.

Begone, you scrabble-head.

She is promised to me.

[WHIMPERS]

I am bursting with tears.

Thou art a wet weeper.

Pardon me.

Ah-ha, your tears will avail
you nothing, my proud beauty.

You'll still be mine.

[LAUGHS]

Stop it. Stop it.

[NORMAL VOICE]
I can't understand it.

This routine k*lled
them in Cucamonga.

Yeah.

Hey, come on.

We're sorry, Your Highness, we...

Unfortunately, your play has
voiced the exact predicament

of the princess.

My father, the king, has pledged
my hand to the Black Prince.

But I love Cedric,
the village smithy.

Oh, if you could but help me.

We will indeed, fair princess,

but where can we find Cedric,
this village blacksmith?

Under the spreading
chestnut tree,

around the corner
by the pawnshop

at Pittsfield and Tonsilvania.

Oh, fear not.

You will be in his arms
ere morning.

Ooh!
Ooh!

Why, you iron-head.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Moe, Larry, get this
thing off me, will you?

Hey, what's going on here?

Get off of me.
Moe. Larry.

Get this guy off of me,
will you?

There. There we are.
Get me out of this tin can.

I feel like a sardine.

All right.

Wait a minute.

Let us not linger.

The blacksmith
can help us out of this.

Right.
If I only had a can opener.

Come on, this way.

If I had a can opener,
I'd open your head.

Come over here and hold still.

This is really caught.

Loosen it up.

If you weren't so dumb,
this never would have happened.

Fine thing.

Oh, oh, oh.

Hey, you...

Hold that.

Oh! Oh!

Now we'll have to bust
you out of that hardware.

Bend over there.

Now, hold still.

Oh!

Oh, oh, oh!

Always clowning around.

Out of my way, will you?

Bend over there.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Stand where you are.

Oh. Oh. I can't.
Are you kidding?

Which one of you
is Cedric the blacksmith?

Not me.

We're three troubadours
on the way

to the court of King Arthur.

Troubadours?
Yeah.

Singing, dancing, like this:

a-one, a-two, a-three:

STOOGES:
♪ So we stuck our little
Tootsies in the water ♪

♪ And we ducked under
The waves, we did ♪

♪ Ha-ha ♪

Oh!

That hurt.

[BIG DOG BARKING]

[SMALL DOG BARKS]

If you see Cedric, the smith,

report the news
to the Black Prince

and you'll be well rewarded.

He has sworn
to have Cedric's head.

What does he want
Cedric's head for?

Ain't he got one of his own?

You dope, two heads
are better than one.

[LAUGHS]
Two heads...

Get out.
You idiots.

They're gonna give him
a haircut down to here.

I'd hate to be in his shoes.

SHEMP:
I'd hate to be in his collar.

MOE:
I'd hate to be him.

I still don't understand
why he wants to k*ll Cedric.

I'll tell you why.

Because, I, Cedric, dare to love
the fair Princess Elaine.

That's Cedric.

Hey, Cedric,
you got nothing to worry about.

We got a plan for tonight.

Ah, you are indeed
my benefactors.

I don't know how to thank you.
[CRUNCHES]

Oh...

How can I thank you?

MOE: Oh, not again.
LARRY: It's all right.

Now, here's the plan.

You and the three of us go
into the palace grounds...

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

[WATER SIZZLING]

Ah, ah, ah.

Oh, Moe, I'll never be able
to write underwater. Oh!

Take it easy, kid.
All right, get him over there.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Easy, now.

There.

[CRYING OUT]

Ah, ah, ah.
How's that?

That's her window up there.

We'll get her out.

[STOOGES PLAYING]

♪ Oh, Elaine, Elaine
Come out, babe ♪

♪ Take a look who's
Standing here right here ♪

♪ The big boy is here
We see the coast is clear ♪

♪ He wants to see you so
Come out on your front porch ♪

[PLAYING]

"Balcony," you knot-head,
ain't you got no romance?

I could have said veranda,
but I said porch.

Hey, nix.

[PLAYING BADLY,
SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh-ho, a music lover.

♪ Oh, Elaine, come out
Oh, please, come out ♪

♪ Time is short
The guards are hanging about ♪

♪ Your Cedric's here
No kidding, Cedric's here ♪

♪ I see, I see my darling
Cedric standing there ♪

♪ I know, I know that I will
Soon be in his arms again ♪

♪ She knows, she knows that she
Will soon be in his arms again ♪

♪ Flee, but flee ♪

♪ The Black Prince
Is lurking near ♪

♪ I will raise the shade ♪

♪ The lovely shade ♪

♪ When the coast is clear ♪

♪ She will raise the shade
When the coast is clear ♪

♪ She will raise the shade
When the coast is clear ♪

♪ She will raise the...
Oh, oh... ♪

STOOGES: Uh-oh.
The Black Prince.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Call out the guards.
To arms!

I heard you shout.
What is it?

Your Majesty, Cedric,
the blacksmith, was below.

So he dares to come here
to the very palace.

Take the princess to my room.

Father.
Go.

She'll be more easily
guarded there.

But Your Majesty,
where will you sleep?

Here, of course.

Yes, sir.

This is a fine how-do-you-do.

How do you do?

Quiet.

The signal.
The coast is clear.

We can't get in the palace.

They must have guards
all over the place.

Well, then, let's go home.

Quiet.
I got an idea.

One of us can climb
that trellis.

Yeah, one of us.

Yeah, that's a swell idea.
One of...

Wait a minute, fellas, not me.
Come on.

No, I get dizzy.
I get dizzy, kid.

Go on, get up there.

Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

How do I know the babe
won't scream her head off

when she sees me?
I wouldn't blame her.

We'll write her a note.
Good idea.

Throw some gravel
up to wake her.

Here's a rock.
[CLATTERING]

I'll tie the note to this rock
Oh. Oh.

And throw it up there.
Somebody threw some back at me.

What'll I do?
Get out of here.

[ROCKS CLATTERING
AGAINST WINDOW]

Out of the way.

Oh!

Go on, now get up there.
Go ahead.

Do as you're told... Hey, hey.

Now, why don't you watch...?
Ow!

Look, raise your foot
up to the next...

Oh, I'll m*rder...

Psst.
Hey, kiddo, are you awake?

[AS WOMAN]
Yes.

Me and my pals are on your side,
so don't you worry

your pretty little head
about Cedric.

The king ain't gonna
push us around, no, sir.

Say, how come a nice
kid like you

has such an old sourpuss
for a pappy?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Uh-oh.

PRINCE:
The guard awaits
your orders, sire.

KING:
Good. Send them in.

I'll get you, you no-good...

[SCREAMING]

Help, help, help!

[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Hey, I'm slipping! Oh...!

Get him up.

Someone will pay for this.

It's the king! Scram!

Guards! Guards!

Hey, guards!

Take him away!

[STOOGES CRY OUT]

[SPEAKING INAUDIBLY]

[STOOGES CRY OUT]

You understand, Sir Satchel,

once Elaine and I are wed,
the king must die.

SATCHEL:
Yes, Your Highness.

You have instructed
your assassins?

I have.
Good.

Pay them handsomely.

In a few hours,
if they strike well,

I shall be king and you will be
the richest man in all England.

[STOOGES CRY OUT]

Why you... You started that.

[THUDDING, CRASHING]

A[font color="#ff "] oy.[/font]
Hit him with the left.

Hit him right in the right.
Whoo-hoo, what an uppercut.

Oh, boy, another left,
another right. Oh.

Come on in here.

Looks like dirty work.

Poor Larry, he got two of them
before they got him.

Maybe they give him
the big haircut already.

You know:

If we could only bring him back,
I'd never hit him again.

No kidding?

Get out of here.
Hey...

Shh. Shut up and listen.

You know that
Black Prince character?

The guy that tried
to k*ll our pal Cedric?

BOTH:
Yes.

He's gonna k*ll the king.
No.

Yes, but we'll spoil
his little racket.

How?
I don't know. But we...

I got a plan.

Quick, get into these
steel step-ins.

[BARS CREAKING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Psst, psst, psst.

They've got Cedric
in the dungeon

and we... Somebody's coming.
Come on.

Hurry up.

Everything in readiness?

SATCHEL:
I have done as you ordered,
Your Highness.

When the guards hear
the fanfare of the trumpets,

Cedric's head will fall.

Good. Good.

And when the trumpets
sound the second time,

you shall strike the king down.

We must act quickly
to stop them.

Come on.

KING:
Knights and ladies,

I have glad news for you:

Elaine is to be wed.

[ALL CHEERING]

Let the trumpets sound.

Load those trumpets
so they can't blow.

[BOTH SPUTTERING]

KING:
Play.

[CHUCKLES]

Sound those trumpets!

[SPUTTERING]

Blow them, I say!

[BLOWING]

Ooh! Ooh!

[STOOGES LAUGHING]

Hey, load them up again.
Don't eat them.

They've foiled us,

but we shall strike
the king down nonetheless.

Then I shall...

Sound those trumpets.

[TRUMPETS WHEEZING]

Sire.

[STOOGES CHEER]

Come on.

[CRIES OUT]

Why you...

Assassins take them away.

Cedric.

Cedric, darling.
Oh, Elaine.

He saved your life, Father.

Grant us permission
to wed, sire.

What?

My daughter marry a smith?

Take it easy, king,
millions of women marry Smiths.

Right.

We'll have a wedding after all.

Sound the trumpets.

[BOTH SPUTTER]
[TRUMPETS PLAYING]

[LAUGHING]

Fruit salad.
What do you know?

[♪♪♪]