13x05 - Monkey Businessmen

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

I want to speak to Mr. Jordan!

Hello, Jordan,
this is McGann speaking.

"Smiling" Sam McGann,
you robber.

What's the matter
with your ears?

Listen, you half-wit,

what kind of electricians
you send me?

My lights have been out
for the last two hours,

and are still out!

Oh.

Listen, Jordan,

the manpower shortage
is supposed to be over!

[CLANGING]

Never mind. Never mind!

I'll call you back.

You pebble brain,
why aren't you more careful

when you climb a ladder?

I only climbed
up seven steps.

The ladder had six.

What's going on here?

[CLANGING]

Oh. Oh.

Listen, you nitwits, the lights
are still out in my office.

I want juice,
and I want it right away.

Here you are.

[SIZZLING]

[YELPING]

[GASPING]

Pick up that stuff
and get to work,

or I'll strangle you.

We'll fix everything up.

Take it easy, McGann.

We'll take care
of everything. Everything.

Keep smilin', McGann.

We'd better get busy
before he finds out

we were breaker-uppers at
the peanut brittle foundry.

Hey, porcupine,
trace that wire.

Grapehead,
give me a hand.

Which one?

Never mind.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Ow, ow, ow.

Get outta there.
You want to get a shock?

That's intricate stuff.
Stand aside.

[SIZZLING]
[GASPING]

Ha-ha.
That's pretty intricate.

[GRUNTING]

Ow. Mmm.

Hey, why didn't I use these
in the first place?

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[SIZZLING]
[GASPING]

[GASPING]

I always knew
he was a groundhog.

Hey, look out.
You'll get a shock.

Shock? No shock.

Ha-ha-ha.

What do you know?
No shock.

[SIZZLING]
[BOTH GASPING]

Jordan.

Hey, fellas,
this wire's stuck.

Give me a hand.

What's the matter, kid?
I need more muscle.

How's that?

Not bad. Go ahead.

Heave.
Ho.

Listen, Jordan...

The line is busy.

Oh, a live wire.

Why, you...

Once more, boys. Heave.
Heave.

Nyuck-nyuck-nyuck--

Oh! Agh!

MAN [ON PHONE]:
Hello? Hello?

Who is this? Answer me.

Hello?

Hello? Hello?
Who is this?

Hello,
Mr. Howard talking.

Oh, it's you,
Mr. Jordan. Well--

Listen, you dimwit, you told me
you were electricians.

Don't come back here.

Don't ever come back here.
You're fired.

[VOICE SPEEDS UP]

Well, partners,
looks like we resigned.

Hey, you know
what we ought to do?

Go somewhere
for a nice, long rest.

Yeah, we need a rest.
Yeah.

Hey,
here's just the place.

"Rest your cares away.
Mallard's rest home and clinic.

"High altitude, low prices.
No matter what you got,

you'll lose it at Mallard's."
Sounds good.

Yeah, but what do we want to use
for money?

Why, we'll just...
I never thought of that.

Hey, I got something
put away for a rainy day.

Leave it to him.

Oh, a wise guy.
Get out.

[GRUMBLES]
Mmm.

Oh, moola.
Coin of the realm.

Well, kid,
we accept your apology.

And what's more,
you can go with us.

Oh, thanks.

MOE:
Not a sound.

I guess he's gone.

Take the patient out,
nurse.

Now, don't worry, Mr. Grimble.

We'll have you fixed up
and out of here in no time.

Oh.

Nurse, be careful, the patient
has a very bad foot.

Be careful, please.

Uh, he'll get out of here
when we get

the rest of his dough,
and not before.

Say doc, is there anything
really wrong with his foot?

No, it's mostly in his mind,
but if our patients

like to stay sick and
pay us for the privilege,

heh, it's their business.
What a racket.

Doc, you're a chiseler
after my own heart.

Thank you.
Thank you, boys.

I beg your pardon,
but three new patients are here.

DOCTOR:
Fine, fine. Send them in,
Miss Shapely.

You boys wait in there
while I give them the once-over.

We'll run 'em ragged

and take 'em for every nickel
they've got.

Oh!

Come on.

Won't you come in?

Of course, you know our
treatments are expensive.

Pooh, pooh.
Who cares about expenses?

Splendid, splendid.

And now, the first thing
to discuss is your diet.

We'll begin by cutting out
starches, sugars,

proteins, and carbohydrates.

What do we eat?
Vitamins and calories.

Oh, boy.
With cream gravy?

As I was saying, I'm going to
prescribe your daily schedule.

You'll arise at a.m.,

horseback riding until ,
chopping wood until ,

roadwork until ,
and then breakfast:

a nice, big bowl of milk.

After breakfast,

more roadwork,
more wood chopping,

a good, stiff workout
in the gym, and then lunch:

a nice, big bowl

of milk.
[GROANS]

In the afternoon,
more roadwork,

more wood chopping,
more gym,

You punch the bag
for an hour, and then dinner.

I know.
A nice, big bowl of milk.

No, no. No milk.
You drank it all for lunch.

Eh...
I'm still hungry.

You got a tapeworm.

Now, let me see. I, um--

I'll have to get you
a couple of nurses.

Oh.
Eeeegh.

Beautiful nurses.

Get out of my way.

Nurses. Nurses.
Beautiful nurses.

Eeeeeegh.

Take it easy, bloodhound,
I'm running a fever myself.

I ain't freezin'.

Would you nurses mind
stepping in, please?

Nurses. Nurses.

Hey, you wanna
break the joint up?

Hey, hey, hey,

Take his tempo.
Hold still, baby.

What's it say?

Ninety proof.

[CRUNCHING]

Hmm. Hmm.

A nanny goat.

[SIZZLES]
Ah.

Ouch.

And here are your nurses.

Nyuhhhh.
Nyuhhhh.

You two nurses will
have charge of these guests.

Start tomorrow morning
bright and early.

Yeah, doc.
Bright and early.

Gentlemen.
Who came in?

This way, please.

Please, gentlemen,
this way.

[GASPS]

[CLOCK RINGING]

[ALL SNORING]

Hey, you guys, get up.

You guys snore so loud
my ears are ringing.

Yeah,
mine are ringing too.

Mine too,
like an alarm clock.

It is the alarm clock.
We better get up. Come on.

[GURGLING]

[BARKS]

: , that's a time
to get sh*t at sunrise.

Quit squawking. This early
morning air's good for you.

Face the window.
Take a deep breath.

[ALL INHALE, COUGH]

That's that fresh air.

What do you think
you're doing?

We're breathing.

Cut it out. It ain't on
the schedule.

Get this stuff on.
Let's get going.

Gentlemen, the gymnasium.

Pay attention over here.

All you gotta do
is pull them

up and down, up and down.

Get busy.

Ha-ha-ha.
Up and down. Ha-ha. H--

Mmm. Mm.

Too much weight.

We'll use this schedule.

[GROANS]

MOE:
Hey, musclebrain.

Up and down.

Up and down. I--

Mmm.

Ooh.

[WHIMPERS]

You dope. Now we'll
have to pay for that.

What's the matter
with you?

[BARKS]

Tweet, tweet, little birdies.
I get it, doc.

We'll run 'em ragged and take
'em for every cent they got.

You hear that?
Mallard's nothing but a quack.

That means duck.
Come on.

[QUIET GASPING]

Oh, for heaven's sake.

George. George.
Stay awake.

Hey, doc.
The patients slugged us.

Yeah, and got away.
They did?

Watch this hallway,
and don't let anyone out.

Come on.
We'll search the grounds.

We got to get outta here.

But how? That mug
is guarding the door.

I got an idea.
Yeah?

We'll get some grease.
Yeah.

Spill it on the floor.
Yeah.

And slip by.
Yeah.
Yeah.

No.
No.

Ow!
Shh.

Come on.
Now's our chance.

Come on.

[SNORING]

[SNORTS]

Ah-- Ah-- Ah--

Ah-choo!

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Hey, what happened?
Who are you?
Agh!

What's the matter with him?
Is he sick?

Oh, yeah.
Terribly sick.

I think we'll have
to operate.

Oh, you're doctors.
Sure, sure.

Yeah, we're doctors.
Dr. Windbag, I presume.

Well, blow me down.

Gosh, we got to go
right in the operating room.

So we do.

Hello, Mr. Grimble.
A couple of new doctors.

Doctor,
will you examine me?

Oh, you look terrible.

I'll give $
to anyone who cures me.

Say that louder.

Hey, wait a minute.
You got to operate on him first.

Don't get better.
We'll be right back.

All right.

You...
Get inside.

Boy, a fine time you picked
for an operation.

I picked?
For a thousand bucks,

I'd have cut that guy up
like a Christmas turkey.

Hey, can I watch
when they cut you up?

Yeah, bud. I--
Nuuuugh...

By the way, I'll need
a tractohomolactometer.

Got one right here.

Mm, that's a big one.

Gonna cut him wide open,
I see.

Yeah. Say, I'll also need
a hammadeemaceemafaren.

Got one coming right up.

That guy's got everything.
We got to get rid of him.

Yeah, but suppose
we can't?

Well, in that case, uh,
I'll have to start cutting.

Yeah.
Yeah.

[GASPS]
Come on.

I got it.

We can put him to sleep
with this.

Fine.

[SNIFFS]

Ah, my favorite scent:

Fleur de Polecat.

[BOTH YAWN]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

He's out like a light.
What did you give him?

Either.
Either?

Yeah. Either the bottle
or the hammer.

Why, you...
why, you...

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

George. George.

It's Doc Mallard.

We better get him
out of the way, quick.

Miss Shapely,
where's that stupid guard?

Oh, he's in the laboratory
with the new doctors.

Oh, I s-- New doctors?
Come on.

Why, doctor,
what in the world--?

Shh. The patient's
in a transom.

I'm sorry, doctor.
I wasn't expecting you.

That makes us even. We weren't
expecting you either.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Oh.

Find those men. If you catch
them put them in the steam room.

Give them the works.
Some patients escaped.

It's most unfortunate.
They were unbalanced. You know.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Proceed with your operation,
doctor.

Don't let me interrupt you.
Well, thank you. Uh...

Oh, you're
going to use that?

Then of course you're going
to cut straight through.

By the way, what does
the patient have?

MOE:
He has a very bad case
of gothepalmasenabeens.

Oh, indeed.

Then of course you're going
to need this bone saw.

Do tell.

Well, in that case,
would you cut across here,

or cut across there?

Ow.

oh, doctor,
now you're joking.

Of course you don't cut
here or here.

Naturally, you saw
straight through the skull.

Naaagh--

Ahem. Well...

Anesthetic.

We'll fool that guy.

We'll cut through your skull
so fast,

he won't know the difference.
What about me?

You won't know
the difference, either.

[GASPS]

The saw.

[GASPS]

Let me take over,
doctor.

I'll have him opened up
for you in just a minute.

Ahh.

Oh, doctors, eh?
I'll-- I'll doctor you.

Come to this institution--

Take it easy.
Come on.

[ALL GRUMBLING]

That's the way you're gonna
play, huh?

Come on.

W-w-w-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Hiya. Nyuh-uh-uh.

Quiet, jughead.

But, Moe, you don't know who--
Quiet.

Moe, I got the whole--

Quiet, or I'll
bat your brains out.

Yeah, you and who else?

Oh. Oh, please be careful.

Oh, my foot.

Oh, my foot. Ow. Ow.

Oh, my foot.
Oh, my--

I'm cured.

It doesn't hurt anymore.

Doctor, doctor.

Safe at last.

We sure gave them the slip.

They don't know
where we are yet. You--

Ah.
Now, take it easy.

We're innocent.

I'll get myself a cheap lawyer.
I'm a citizen.

You can't do that to me.

Wait a minute.
I got a brother in court.

I'll tell you that--

Take it easy.

[STEAM HISSING]

That ought to hold them
for a while.

Come on.
We'll find the other one.

[KNOCKING]

What are you doing here?

What are you
all steamed up about?

The valve, the valve.

The valve?

Oh, you push
the first valve down,

and the music--
Turn it off.

[STEAM HISSING LOUDER]

The other way.
The other way?

Ooh. Ooh.

The other way.

Why don't you
make up your mind?

Eeeeegh.

NURSE:
Aaagh! How dare you!

Ow. Oh.

Mm.

I can take a hint.

I know.
Moe and Larry.

What happened?

Oh, doctor! Oh, doctor, doctor.
You've cured me.

I'm going home.
Worth every cent of it.

Oh-oh-oh-oh!

Whoo.

A thousand bucks.
Nearly a million.

Yeah. Beautiful girls,
great lights, wonderful food.

Travel, luxury,
Monte Carlo.

Wait a minute.
You know what we ought to do?

What?
What?

Go somewhere for a nice,
long rest.

Yeah--
Yeah--

This rest almost k*lled me.

We need a rest
like a hole in the head.

Hole in the head.
Good idea.

Oh! Oh, doctor! Doctor!

[♪]