13x08 - Rhythm and Weep

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

MOE:
We're gonna get ourselves
a cheap lawyer.

You can't
get away with that.

[ALL GRUNT]

[MOE MUTTERS]

That's the worst act
I've ever seen in my life.

Now, get out
and stay out.

And take your props
with you.

Well, this is
the th theater

we got thrown out of
this month.

What is there left
for us?

Four more theaters.

Except February,
which has .

Quiet.
[YELPS]

[GRUMBLES]

Are you guys
still here?

Listen, Mr. Smellington,
give us another chance.

No. You've chased
enough customers away.

You guys are
a menace to society.

Why don't you climb the tallest
building in town and jump off?

That's a fine--
Oh, wait a minute.

Well, I guess there's nothing
left for us to do

but bump ourselves off.

Why didn't we
think of that before?

Let's do it right now.
Come on.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

I got something to do
before I die.

What?

Wait a minute.

If you're going
to bump yourself off,

what's the idea
of eating pie?

So I can "digest" right.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Come on.
We got some croaking to do.

[YELPS]

Come here.

WOMAN:
All right, girls?

Yes.

Then let's do it.

Ready...set...

Hey, wait a minute.

What's the big idea?

[SOBS]
W-we've nothing
to live for.

We have a dancing act,

but no theater
will hire us.

So we're going to jump
and end it all.

Move over. You got company.

How do you do? I'm Larry.

I'm Moe.

I'm Curly.

I'm Hilda.

I'm Wilda.

I'm Tilda.

Look, look, look, look.

Those two men down there,
they're my uncles.

Your uncles?
Yeah.

They look like ants.

They got ants in their-- Ow!

Spread out. We gotta jump.

Yes. Let's jump

before somebody
interrupts us again.

Right. We gotta
get this over with.

I gotta be at
the cleaners at : .

Hey, porcupine,
what time is it?

Let me see.
It oughta be about, um--

Hey, what's the idea
of the three watches?

That's how
I tell the time.

What do you mean,
that's how you tell the time?

Well, you see, this one runs
minutes fast every two hours.

This one runs minutes slow
every four hours.

The one in the middle is broken.
It stopped at : .

Well, what time is it now?

Uh, : .
Simple, isn't it?

Heh-heh. Yeah.
So are you.

Come on.
We gotta start jumping.

Let's get going.
Everybody ready?

♪ Yes ♪

♪ Yes ♪

♪ Yes ♪

Ahem.
All right, now.

Heh. Heh.

Goodbye, Miss, uh...

Wilda.

Goodbye, Miss Wilda.

Ooh.

Farewell, my lovely--
What's your name?

Tilda.
Tilda.

This I like.
And I get paid for it too.

Adios, Señorita--

Hilda.

Adios, Señorita Hilda.

Hmm.

[GIGGLES]

[YELPING]
Quiet.

Hey.

[SHRIEKS]

What's the matter with you?
You wanna fall off?

Gee, thanks.

You know, a guy can get k*lled
from up here.

[GRUMBLES]

You know, honey,

this is the most momentous
moment of my life.

Oh, how you
carry on.

MOE:
Yeah, you know,
when your eyes look at me,

it makes my Adam's apple...

You know,
I'm sure that you and I

could travel the dusty road
of matrimony in double harness.

[HAMMER BONKS, MAN SCREAMS]

Come on.
Everybody ready?

♪ O... ♪

♪ ...kay ♪

Ahem. Okay. One.
Two.

Two and a half, two and a half.
Anybody make it three?

I got two and a half,
two and a half, two and a half,

two and a half,
two and a half.

Going at two and a half.
Going at two and a half.

Lady, will you make it three?

Two.

[GROANS]

["TURKEY IN THE STRAW"
PLAYING ON PIANO]

[WILDA AND TILDA SHRIEK]

Hey, cut it out.

Wait a minute.

Where's that music
coming from?

LARRY:
Well, let's find out.

[GRUNTS]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[GRUNTS, BARKS, YELPS]

[GRUNTS]

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

Where's Curly?

[GASPS]
[GASPS]

He must have jumped
by himself.

Poor Curly.

WOMEN [IN UNISON]:
Poor Curly.

Somebody paging me?

Ah, his ghost!
[SHRIEKS]

Ghost, nothing.
That's me.

Where did you go?

Took a shortcut.

You lunkhead.

[GRUNTS]

Listen to the music.

It's out there.
Come on.

[PLAYING SOFTLY]

Oh, hello, there.

Hi.

Did you like my music?

Oh, swell.

Yeah, but why are you
playing up here?

Oh, well, unfortunately,
I happen to be a millionaire.

In fact, I'm afflicted
with millions.

What a disease.

My family doesn't approve
of my playing.

They think it's below
my dignity.

So that's why I sneak up here.

Do you happen to be musicians,
by any chance?

Oh, sure.
I play in five flats

and get thrown out
of all of 'em.

[LAUGHS]

Uh, do you play by ear?

Yes. Get a load of this.

[PLAYING "YANKEE DOODLE"]

[CHUCKLES]

That's clever.
That's very clever.

I have just written
a musical play,

but I just can't find
the proper actors to play in it.

Well, look no further.

You've just hired
a complete cast.

How wonderful.

But I can only afford
to pay you $ a week.

Mere pin money.
But we'll take it.

Oh, no, no, no.
Not so fast.

First, I must have
a sample of your music.

Right.

Show him some
of your dance stuff, girls.

Oh, gee, kids.
This is our big chance.

We just got to be good.
That's right.

Play something hot.

Do you know
"Swingeroo Joe"?

Swing it.

One, two, three, four.

[PLAYING "SWINGEROO JOE"]

[YELPS]

[CHUCKLES]

[YELPING]

[PLAYS NOTE]

MAN:
We're ready now. All right.

We're ready now. Let's go.

[PLAYS INTRODUCTION]

ALL:
We're dressed as ballerinas.

Of course, you know we're not.

And what you're
going to see now, folks,

is something we ain't got.

[BOTH GRUNT]

[MOE WHISTLES]

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING
ON PIANO]

[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]

Listen,
I'm gonna m*rder you.

Ah, stop it.

Shh.
Quiet.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES
ON PIANO]

[GRUNTS]

Shh. Shh.

Shh.

[PIANO TEMPO INCREASES]

Come on. Hey, fellas,
we gotta get dressed.

[PIANO MUSIC CONCLUDES]

"Indigestion: one tablet.
Gallstones: two tablets.

"Hay fever: three tablets.

Ingrown hangnails:
four tablets."

Boy, oh, boy.

Hey, Mike, get this guy ready,
on the double.

Okay.

Hiya, stranger.

How do, bub?

Say "ah."
Ah.

Where were you born?

In the hospital.

Why?

I wanted to be
near my mother.

Say "ah."

Ah.

How old are you, bub?

I'm .

No, you couldn't get
that homely in years.

Listen--
Say "ah."

Ah.

Listen, you. I resent that--

[YELPS]

Take off your clothes.

Pardon me?

I said
take off your clothes.

How dare you?
I don't even know your name.

The name is Mike Lipenkranz.

Now, off comes the clothes.

Come on.

Get 'em--

Come on. We're gonna get
the clothes off.

Come on, I tell you.

[CHUCKLES]

Fancy meeting you here.

Why, you...

[BOTH GRUNT]

[GROANS]

Get your clothes off.

Get 'em--

Why, I never heard
of such a thing.

I never heard
of such a thing.

If you ever get in my...

I'll m*rder you.
If you get in my company--

Just stop it, will you?

I never heard
of such a thing.

Hey, what's going on
around here?

This guy won't let me
take his clothes off.

Oh, a tough guy, eh?
We'll take care of him, right?

[YELPS]

So you want
to play rough, eh?

Well, let's.

Come on, you.
I'll m*rder you.

[ALL GRUNTING]

Okay, you win.

[CHUCKLES]

[WHIMPERS]

[CHUCKLES]

Gee, that was swell,
girls.

WOMEN:
Oh, thanks.

Stupendous. Colossal.
Oh, you were all terrific.

Thanks.
Thanks.

I'm doubling
your salary right now.

[WOMEN SHRIEK]
Oh, boy.

Uh, the way
I throw my money around,

I'll bet
you think I'm crazy.

[CACKLING]

[ALL CHUCKLING]

[HIGH-PITCHED]
Hello.

Mr. Boyce,
you'd better come home

before the woodpeckers get you.

I don't want to go
by automobile.

I want to go by train.

Okay. We'll go by train.

Oh, choo-choo! All aboard.

[IMITATING TRAIN CHUGGING]

Oh, no. It can't be.

He's as nutty
as a nest of cuckoos.

[WHOOPING]

[CACKLING]

[GROANING]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[♪]