15x02 - Pardon My Clutch

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

Tell me, how is he, Claude?

I gave him one of these sleeping
pills about minutes ago.

That's the best thing in the
world for him. Rest and sleep.

But don't you think
we ought to call a doctor?

Why throw money away?

I can take care of Shemp
better than any doctor.

Sure, he can.

Just follow the directions
till I get back.

I'm gonna get my doctor book.

We'll have Shemp as good as new.

Sure. Take one pill,
wait minutes,

then take a second pill.

Hey, it's time for the
second pill. Fifteen minutes.

Right. Let's go.

Now, don't worry
about everything.

Anything will be
all right! Oh!

Now, don't worry.

[SNORING]

Oh, he's sleeping like a baby.
It's a shame to disturb him.

Yeah, but he's gotta take
his second pill so he can sleep.

Maybe you've
got something there.

Okay, kid. We...

[SNORING]

Come on. Come on, Shemp.
Come on, come on.

Hurry up.
Get up. You gotta take a pill.

What, again?

Yeah, again. Here.

Come on.

Down the hatch.

Now let me get back in bed.

Oh, not so fast. You're gonna
follow instructions.

Now that you've taken the pill,
you gotta skip an hour.

Get him the rope.

Here. Take that.
Now, skip.

Hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.

Come on. Here.
One in each hand.

[GROANS]

Start skipping.

That's that.

No, no. We'll let you know
when the hour's up.

Continue.

[SNORING]

Well, that's that.

Skip!
Skip!

You wake me up...

Where are the boys?

They've been in with Shemp
for over an hour.

They have?

[ALL SNORING]

Hey!

[MUMBLING]

What's the big idea?

He's following
the instructions on the bottle.

Yeah. It says take two pills
and skip an hour.

You dopes.
That means to wait an hour

before you give him
his next pill.

Now he tells us.

I've got my doctor book
right here.

I'll have his case diagnosed
in nothing flat.

You sit right down there.

[YAWNS]

A-ha. Oh-ho.

Oh-ho.

What is it, doc?
Nothing.

He's got a rash.

It tells you right here,
a rash may be caused

by excessive use of
the grey matter of the brain.

Oh, it must be something else.

Sure, can't be that.

It also says a rash
may be caused by a bad tooth.

You got something there.

Let's have a look.

[GRUNTING]

Well, none of them
came out. Yet.

Here. Open wide.

[YELPS]

[YELPS]

[YELLS]

A-ha! That's the one!

Are you tellin' me.

Get me a piece of strong string.

What are you gonna do, doc?

I'm gonna pull that bad tooth.

Is it gonna hurt?

No, I don't think so.

Here's the string.

Tie a nice sailor's knot.

Got it around?
Yeah.

Follow me.

[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]

Sit down.

All set?

[MUMBLES]

[YELLS]

[YELLS]

Take it easy, kid.

Quiet. Larry,
untie that line.

We'll do it the old,
reliable way. Come on.

All right.
Now, take it easy, kid.

We'll have that thing out before
you can say Ticonderoga.

If you can say Ticonderoga.

All right.
Back up just a little bit.

Okay, sonny boy?
[MUMBLES]

All right.

Ready!

[YELLING]

Oh, what a tooth.

No wonder it was killin' me.

You nitwit.
That's the doorknob.

Oh, yeah?
Come on.

[YELLS]

Why, you imbecile.

All we're trying to do
is give you a hand, here,

so you can get out... [YELLS]

I'm dead, I'm tired. He sh*t me.
Get a doctor. Do something.

Oh, quiet, picklepuss.
All he did was pull your tooth.

Is that all?

Thanks. I feel like
a million bucks.

Easy.

You'll soon be a well man.

Especially if you go away
for a couple of weeks.

Yeah. We'll go...

Wait a minute.
We haven't got a car.

Oh, you lucky people.
I've got a car.

It isn't exactly brand new,
but it's in perfect condition.

How much?
I'll let you steal it from me

for bucks.

We'll take it.

Fine. I'll have it here
in the morning.

And to show you I'm a right guy,
let you have my camping outfit.

I'll bring it over tonight.

That's what you call a real pal.

Yeah.
We can camp near a lake

and catch all the fish
we can eat.

You know, fish is great
brain food.

You know, you should fish
for a whale.

Out of here.

Hey, Larry. Shemp passed out.
Get some water.

No, champagne.

Come on.

Look. He must've left
the root in there.

♪ In the old campgrounds ♪

Hey, Moe.
What?

Don't you think
we ought to practice

putting this tent up
before we leave?

I think you got something there,
porcupine.

Let's ask Claude how to do it.
Nonsense.

I know all about tents.
Let's go.

Get her right out flat, boys.

Open that side.
That goes over.

MOE:
I used to be a Boy Scout.

LARRY:
Yeah. Okay.

Now, raise that pole.
Lift that tent.

Further, further.

[YELLS]

Oh, a wise guy.

[YELLS]

Remind me to m*rder you later.

I'll make a note of it.

[YELLS]

Come on.
Get it up, boy.

Get me the other pole, Shemp.

[ALL CHATTERING]

Right under my arm, here.

Right under the arm.
I'll get it up there.

Right up here.
Watch your arm.

How is that?

Pretty good.
All right.

Narcissus!
WOMAN: Yes?

Up. Hold this pole.

All right.
Tie it off, dummy.

All right, I'll tie it off.

[LAUGHS]

[SCREAMS]

Next time you come in, knock
first, and then don't come in.

Why, you...

And furthermore, I'll tell you...
Oh!

Honey, what are you doing
under there?

Say, he's my brother.

Yeah, well he's my husband.

Wait a minute.
He's my husband.

Girls, girls...

What are you
playing around about?

Come on, get this tent up.
Come on. Pull her up.

[BRAKES SQUEAL]

[ENGINE BACKFIRES]

Oh, boy, a super deluxe special.

Yeah, and all trimmed
with "chromomium."

Well, boys, there she is.

Yeah, but what is it?
A Columbus.

Never mind
who you bought it from.

What make is that?
I told you. A Columbus.

I thought he came over
in a boat.

Ha-ha. You couldn't find
another car like that

if you searched for weeks.

That I can believe.

Okay.
Okay, wise guys.

Wait till you step on the gas

and feel the smooth flow
of power under that hood.

You better be right, chum.

Don't you worry about a thing.
Well, I gotta get breakfast.

See ya before you take off.

All right, fellas,
let's get loaded.

Wait a minute.
You know I don't drink.

Go on, musclebound, go on.

Hurry up.
We gotta get started.

[YELLS]

Why... Oh!

Hey, fellas.

Yeah?
Come here.

He must've found the road map.

Yeah.
What is it?

What are you trying to do,
ruin the baggage?

[AIR HISSING]

What are you hissing me for?

I'm not hissing you.

But it's not a bad idea.

Why...

How do you like that?
A flat tire.

Get the jack and take the
wheel off. I'll get the spare.

There you are. Here.

Oh, stubborn, eh?

Oh!
Oh, I'm sorry.

Hey, quit monkeying around,
you guys.

Here we go. Careful.

Ha-ha.

What do we do now?

I wonder how
they got the tire on.

LARRY:
Be a... Wait. Yeah. All right.

SHEMP:
Easy. That's right, just... No.

You think if I got
the hatchet and chopped...

Oh, come on, come on.

All right.

What seems to be the trouble?

We can't get the tire
past the jack.

Why, you nitwits.

Get out of there.

You wanna get hurt?
Let a man do it that knows how.

You gotta use your brain.

All you do is give it
one quick jerk.

Oh! Oh, my foot.

My foot, it's cut off. Help!

[YELLING]

All right, wait a minute.

That's it. Help me.

Take it easy, take it easy.

Push him toward me.
All right.

Is it out yet, is it out yet?
No! No, hurry up.

Wait a minute. Here.
I'll chop it out.

Yeah.
Oh! Wait a minute.

Oh!
What's the matter with you?

We'll get you out.

Get me out!
Oh, my foot.

SHEMP:
Hold it steady, will you?
I'll get you.

[MOE GROANING]

Oh. Oh, my toe.
Look in the shoe for some toes.

How was it?
Pretty heavy?

Quiet!

Get that tire on.

There goes the tire!

Hurry up, let's get it!

That's it.

Hey, you!

Where you going with that tire?

Why, it's ours.

Not unless
you got $ . .

Now, you don't understand.

We were changing tires
and it got away from us.

It ain't gonna get away from me.

Let go of that rubber,
or I'll take this hammer

and rap you over the noggin.

Oh, yeah?
I'd like to see you try it.

Oh!

Hey, pal, down in Texas,
you can't get away with that.

Tell him, Tex.

Look, partner, I'm... Oh!

I'd like to see you
do that again.

Oh!
By golly, he did it.

Now, look, pal. Can't we reason
this thing out like gentlemen?

After all, we're sensible...

Attaboy.
Get the hammer.

I-I got it.

That's it.

Attaboy.

All right. You girls
park yourself right here

while we finish
tying off the load.

Larry, get on the other side.

Hurry up.
Shemp, give me a hand.

Which one?

Come on, get over here.

[YELLS]

Wait a minute.
A little more.

Give me a hand.
A little more.

Moe! Shemp!

Hope we find a worm, 'cause
I'm going fishing when we get...

Never mind the worms.

Cybil! Shemp!

Always fooling around.
You can't ride that way.

You'll unbalance the load.
Get me down.

Get him down.

Easy, now, kid. Easy.

I got him.

Okay. Off you go.

Let him down.
I'm lettin' him down.

You nitwit.
What are you trying to do here?

I couldn't help it.

Come on.
Get up on top of the load.

Get up there.
Everybody, all aboard.

LARRY:
Okay, all aboard.

All right.
You start to climb, kid.

Okay, come on before
the sun goes down.

Go ahead.

Oh, what fun, boy.

Look out for your hand, there.
[ENGINE STARTS]

So long!

Goodbye! Goodbye!
Have a good time.

ALL:
Bye.

[ENGINE BACKFIRES]

[WOMEN SCREAMING]

Get out of my way.

Don't throw me around.

You dummy, you.
You unbalanced the whole load!

SHEMP:
Sure, look where we are.
We gotta start all over again.

Gentlemen, gentlemen.

I'd like to talk to you.

I think we can do business.

Oh, a junkman, eh?

Oh, no, no, no.
My card.

Talent scout. Acme Pictures.
Hollywood.

Talent scout?
You want us for the movies?

Come, girl, your answer.

Either consent to marry me,
become my wife.

Never.
Then you shall die.

No, no. Not you.
The car.

We've searched the country
for a car like this.

Would you consider, say, $ ?

Would we?
Just a minute.

I'll take it. I've decided
not to sell to these fellas.

Here's your money back.

You can't do that...

Oh, shut up.
I didn't sign nothing.

Come on, professor,
you'll be late for lunch.

No! I wanna buy this car!

Right after lunch, professor,
you can buy of them.

Goody! I love cars.
All kinds of cars.

[LAUGHING]

I love 'em!
Love 'em! Love 'em!

[GIGGLING]

Well, you bought yourself
a nice car, partner.

[YELLS]

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

Wait for me,
I want some lunch too!

[LAUGHING]

Well, there's yours,
there's yours,

and here's mine.

♪ Love it
Love it ♪

Hey, hey, hey.
Where you going?

I'm hungry too.

Go on, get out of here.

Wait a minute.
What's wrong with...?

What's the matter with you?
Now, you cut it out...

[♪♪♪]