03x02 - The Big Bellyache

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Life & Legend of Wyatt Earp". Aired: September 6, 1955 – June 27, 1961.*
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Series is loosely based on the life of frontier marshal Wyatt Earp.
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03x02 - The Big Bellyache

Post by bunniefuu »

THE LIFE AND LEGEND OF WYATT

EARP

[Ken Darby singing

"The Legend Of Wyatt Earp"]

[soft humming]

♪ Wyatt Earp

Wyatt Earp ♪

♪ Brave courageous and bold

♪ Long live his fame

and long live his glory ♪

♪ And long may

his story be told ♪

[humming continues]

(male narrator)

The frontier doctor

in Kansas Cowtown of

had to handle lot of bad

tempered dangerous patients.

Perhaps, the most celebrated

case in the early annals

of Dodge City medicine was

the time Mr. Shanghai Pierce

millionaire Texas cattle baron,

got a severe stomach ache.

Marshal Wyatt Earp,

and his old friend

Doctor Fabrique of Wichita,

did not ask to become involved

with Shanghai's

medical emergency.

It was forced upon them

by a dozen Texas g*n fighters

standing by to see that

their boss survived. Or else..

(male # )

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa.

Evils of Satan, whoa.

Whoa, whoa!

By right, I shouldn't give

you any water at all!

You're idiots! Both of you!

Hey, you tie them up!

You darn horses. You can

check the dang dang buggy.

I'm getting out of here.

Hey, who sold you

to Doc. Fabrique, huh?

Meanest tempered

pill-push in Kansas.

It's a fine welcome

I'm getting to Dodge city.

I'm glad to see you, doc.

What did they do?

Run you out of Wichita?

Friend, the big-headed boy whom

I've stopped from gettin' k*lled

time and again.

Well, goodbye. I'm shovin' off.

Look, I am glad to see you.

Tell me how's Marsh Murdock

and all my friends in Wichita?

Marsh is feelin' fair

to midland.

You tell me why aren't there

any doctors in this town?

Sure, Doc. McCarty.

He's a good man too.

You look kinda

livers to me, son.

Well, it's not

Doc. McCarty's fault.

See, this town is so peaceful

I don't get any exercise.

Well then, you came to

the right man. I can fix that.

So you've been chased by a bunch

of Indians or a small possy?

- No, I'm going on a vacation.

- No.

Yes. The first vacation

I've had in years.

- And I figured, I earned it.

- Well, you sure have.

Welcome to the jail.

Nice and peaceful. Come on.

Boy, you get better

in Wichita.

And since you know all

the best fishing holes

around Dodge city,

you're taking a vacation too.

Well, what kind of fish

you're looking for?

Catfish. Big-fat bullheads.

About so long.

Do you know where there

are any that will bite

on a plug or twist?

Doc, you tempt me.

But only for a couple of days.

It's all we need, Wyatt.

Say, what did you do

with your practice in Wichita?

You didn't pick up and leave

them without a doctor, did you?

The shame is I gotten a young

assistant out of Jones Hopkins.

It's a pretty good school.

Schools don't signify, Wyatt.

Young doctors have

to do a lot of practice.

You know what I told

my best personal friends?

No. What?

Don't get too sick

while "old docy" is away.

Why let's get the fishing gear

ready and hop to it.

Okay.

Hey, you got one.

Now take it easy.

- Wait a minute.

- That must be a big one!

- Just take it easy.

- Be a big one!

Wyatt, grip on it!

It's front of the hook.

Don't, look out

it'll hurt you.

- No.

- sh**t him!

He didn't swallow

the hook, he just..

It's the tobacco

you're using for bait.

- sh**t him Wyatt, k*ll it!

- It's a big one.

Alright Marshall, but we're

gonna have to take your g*ns.

Oh no you don't, Trask.

Ain't you still working

for Shanghai Pierce?

Uh-huh. And he sent us

after you, doc.

Why is that?

Mr. Pierce, he don't feel good.

He travelled all the way

to Wichita to see doc here.

It's a fine thing

you traipsing off like that.

You're supposed to in Wichita

attending after sick people.

I'm on vacation. And who

are you to be scolding me?

Wait a minute. Calm down.

Where's Mr. Pierce?

Waitin' over at Dodge. He's

got a misery in his stomach.

- And this old fossil here--

- Why you as--

Hold it. Hold it.

Why doesn't Mr. Pierce go see

Doc. McCarty? He's a good man.

Well, sure sure. But he left

for Kansas city this morning.

Besides, he left word

that Doc. Fabrique here

had taken' over his practice.

What?! Why that pill peddler.

I never told McCarty

that I was gonna take over.

You go after him, Trask.

Stop the train

and drag him off!

It's the first vacation

I've had in years

and McCarty goes and pulls

a trick like that on me, Wyatt.

Trask, you go after him.

He's your man.

Mr. Pierce don't know

Doc. McCarty. He wants you.

I'll die first,

right here beside my catfish!

sh**t me! Go ahead!

Fire away!

(Trask)

'Look, Earp, we don't want no

trouble. You know Mr. Pierce.'

He sent us after doc here

and we gotta bring him in.

Or else.

- Mr. Pierce really feeling bad?

- He sure is.

He's got the dangest

belly ache you've ever seen.

Good, good. Let him

suffer for a while.

Just when Wyatt finds me the

nicest biggest catfish hole--

Will you stop?

You go on back to Dodge.

We'll follow you.

Alright. But no more

cat fishing. You promise?

We'll follow you just as soon

as we break camp. Now go on.

Alright.

Thanks, marshal.

Now come on.

No!

No, Wyatt. Wyatt, no please.

Alright, I'll go.

Give me my fishy.

Give me.

Well, we can get

back here tomorrow.

The only excuse I can make

for Doc. McCarty is that

he's tired too.

Saw his chance to take

a rest, and he took it.

Now there's no law that says

you havta treat Shanghai Pierce.

But ethically

and morally I think--

Now, will you shut up? This

is no easy medical case, Wyatt.

The last time Shanghai Pierce

had a big belly ache

he wanted me to cure

the pain in five minutes.

He said if I didn't he'd have

his men set fire to my office.

They would have done it too.

Well, you stopped

the pain, didn't you?

Any fool could have done

that with opium tincture.

But I dint cure Shanghai.

The next time it'll be worse.

Wyatt, you gonna

get us both k*lled.

But what's wrong

with Shanghai Pierce?

What's wrong with him?

Oh, that old fool.

He'll eat or drink anything

he can get his hands on.

He's probably got a bad appendix

a set of stomach ulcers.

The worst thing that's wrong

he's got two million dollars.

A hundred cow hands

like Trask.

If it's the death of Shanghai

it will be the death of me.

And you!

And him. Come on,

let's get out of here.

I'd say.

I can hardly wait to get home,

Wyatt, to eat this fish.

Blasted, you both.

- The pain's still bad?

- It's getting worse.

Where is that scallywag

of a doctor?

Trask said he would

come in right in.

Thought maybe

an ice pack might help.

- Now, take your boots off--

- No!

Go get doctor Fabrique!

And nobody touches those boots.

By George, if I can't

make it I wanna go out

like a man

with my boots on.

Alright, Mr. Pierce, alright.

I just thought that--

Tessie, stop thinking.

Go hurry the doctor!

Here's the doctor now.

(Mr. Pierce)

'You no good old quack.

Running out on me.'

What are you trying

to do, Wyatt? I'm a sick man!

Oh, shut up.

- Young woman, you a nurse?

- Well, no.

I didn't think so.

Now get outta here!

Get out!

Hold that, Wyatt.

Give me my stethoscope.

You're not worth

all this trouble.

Don't forget now, you're to take

half a glass every hours.

Bottoms up.

Bottoms up!

That's better.

Why, he had more gas in him

than a founded steer?.

How many times do I have

to tell you not to mix cucumbers

bourbon whiskeys, steak,

onions and blueberry pie.

No! It's no harm done, doc.

I feel fine now.

- What's the verdict?

- He had a bad appendix.

And listen you stupid idiot.

You better watch

what you're eating.

Give your stomach

a chance to calm down.

I really had myself

a belly ache. A big one.

Just like everything

about old Shanghai.

How much do I owe you, doc?

- Five dollars.

- Five hundred, you mean.

I dragged you away

from a fishing hole.

I said five dollars.

All you gotta do is just

mail it to my office in Wichita.

Come on, Wyatt, we should

get back to that catfish hole.

What's wrong?

What's old doc sore about?

Well, Mr. Pierce,

you wouldn't savvy.

Oh, now hold on, Wyatt.

Now you and I had our troubles

down at Wichita. But that was

a long time ago and far away.

You ordered your men

to pull a g*n on doc and me.

Sure, I had a belly ache.

Well, I don't like havin' a g*n

pulled on me neither does doc.

Oh, well, I apologize.

Well, that doesn't change

anything, Mr. Pierce.

You think you can get tough

with a doctor at medicine

and all you gotta do is smooth

it over with a little money

and then apologize

and everything will be alright.

I suggest you take that

big belly ache of yours

and your big bank roll

and get outta Dodge city.

Next time any of your cowhands

pull a g*n on me

when my back is turned I'll have

more than a fishing pole handy.

Oh no! Wyatt.

Wyatt!

Hold it, doc.

Where do you think

you are going?

It's none of your business.

Stand aside!

(Trask)

'You are not leaving

till Mr. Pierce says so.'

They're givin' you

any trouble, doc?

No, Wyatt, he's not

givin' me any trouble.

Come on!

Fix those patients.

You're not going anywhere

until Mr. Pierce says you can.

Gentlemen, I've had

enough of you.

Now, I'll take your g*ns.

Don't try.

Hold your fire, Wyatt.

This one is bleeding bad.

But he ain't no patient of mine.

Alright, break it up,

everybody. Go on move!

Give me that handkerchief.

Get out of here. Hal, put

a tourniquet on his arm.

We'll take him

to Doc. McCarty's office.

Doc left for Kansas city.

It's alright. Doctor Fabrique

will take care of him.

Put the tourniquet

around his arm.

Wyatt, I ought to cuss

you out to a fair thee well.

The catfish are biting

and you strap me down

with two g*nsh*t cases.

Yeah, I did you a favor

I could have dropped him out

there at the fishing hole.

Come on. Pick him up. Let's

take him over to doctor's place.

- Come on.

- Come on!

You get him, Hal.

A big favor

you've done me.

I've already wasted

minutes of my vacation.

You-you should have better sense

to draw a g*n on Wyatt Earp.

I've got a mind to rub

a choice germ into your hand.

Oh-h, Wyatt.

See where McCarty

keeps his phenyl solution.

Yes.

Look, doc, Mr. Pierce

ain't gonna like this.

He might even pass the word

to the boys for a real..

Will you stop scaring me?

If you don't watch out

you're liable to wind up

without any kind of a hand.

- Look, all I'm saying is--

- Will you shut up?

Mr. Pierce better

have faster g*ns

than you two if he's gonna have

a Turkey sh**t.

Here, doctor.

As the Deputy Yard said, "When

you're through patching him up

you'll take him

on over to the jail."

Oh! Fine! Fine! I'm sure

they'll enjoy the trip.

Shanghai Pierce will

bail him out in ten minutes.

Look, Wyatt, we're still going

on the fishing trip, ain't we?

Right after.

Right after what?

Come here!

Oh, no!

I'll be.. Doctor will be with

you in just a moment, folks.

I don't care how sick you are.

I came up here for vacation.

- Go on, cuss.

- I want to go fishing.

Go on, cuss.

Swear the Hippocratic Oath.

Go home! Go home!

Go home! Go home! Go home!

I'm sorry, folks. Doctor

doesn't mean what he says.

He just.. Well, he doesn't

feeling himself today now.

You just all sit here

and kind of wait your turn, huh?

Mr. Pierce, did the doctor say--

Now, don't fret Tessie.

I'm cured.

Tell me, how are Trask

and Drango?

They're alright. That

Marshal only wounded them.

The Deputy at the doctor's

office said that

they have to go to jail though.

Marshal Wyatt Earp. I don't

know about him, Tessie.

You know what, I even

thought of him as a son.

I tried to make him my partner.

I really don't think you should

be eating so much, Mr. Pierce.

Now, don't nag old Shanghai.

Now, that boy wants

buffalo of me

and throw me in jail in Wichita?

Now, he has plucked

two of my best men.

Well, alright,

we'll bail them out.

I gotta do something

about Wyatt Earp though.

My temper is getting

mighty sore.

No!

What's that you say?

I said no.

You're still a sick man.

I think we ought to head

for St. Louis or Kansas city.

Oh! Please, Mr. Pierce.

They have stomach specialists

and good hospitals.

Oh, no, Tessie.

You're spoiling my appetite.

If none of the others

will tell you the truth

I thought I was some use to you.

Just by telling you the truth--

No, darn it.

Tessie, sit down.

Sit down!

Now, tell me how many

of my men are here in Dodge.

Dozen, fifteen.

I didn't count.

Alright?

You go round them all up.

g*n fight?

No, you don't have

to be there.

Alright, I'll tell

you the truth.

Doc. Fabrique is

the only pill-pusher

that I have any confidence in.

You saw how-how you

got me back on my feet.

Well alright,

I'm heading back to Texas.

Now, I want Doc

to travel along with me.

- Kidnapping?

- Well, no other way.

But that would mean

a fight with Wyatt Earp.

Uh-uh.

Not if you do

a little play acting.

Now Wyatt Earp has got

one soft spot in him.

For a Yankee he's very

chivalrous to all women.

So, now, Tessie,

you go to him.

(Hal)

'Dr. Fabrique still working?'

Yeah, he sure is.

Lambert kid's got

summer complaint.

Old grandpa Dickens

heart's threatening.

I wired Doc. McCarty

telling him to hurry back

as soon as he can.

You know for a real vacation

old Doc. Fabrique should've

stayed in Wichita.

Hal, you and I think

we got a tough, well..

...don't have to study medicine.

I know. People sure

take advantage.

Just saw the Morgan sisters

in the doc's waiting room.

They are the biggest fakes

to pretend to be sick.

- They are people like that.

- Hmm.

[door opens]

Oh oh.

Well, I thought

Mr. Pierce had left town.

He's leaving.

- He wants me to go with him.

- Oh.

He promised to send me

to Saint Paris.

I could get a job

in a show there.

- Well, sit down.

- Thank you.

Mr. Pierce kind

of specializes in..

...down-and-out show girls.

I didn't know that.

- He was such a gentleman and--

- With so much money.

I-I suppose you're

afraid of him.

He said he hired me as a nurse.

And if I try to quit he'd..

I don't know what

I'm going to do, Mr. Earp.

Did he thr*aten

to take you by force?

Look, I-I've some papers

I've to sign here and then..

..I'll take you over and

get you a safe place to stay.

(Mr. Pierce)

Hang on, Trask.

You just bring the doc out.

We'll get him out here.

You're both bilious

sitting around all day

in your millinery shop,

get outta here..

Mr. Pierce wants

to see you, Doc.

Well, I don't

want to see him.

- How'd you two get out of jail?

- The judge let us out on bond.

Mr. Pierce is

in the carriage, right outside.

He wants a final check-up

before we leave for Texas.

I've discharged him.

And you can tell

that pig-headed old fool

that as far as I am concerned

I will not go out there and..

Mr. Pierce, are you sick again?

- Got a pain, get that doc.

- Well, he's right here.

Stop faking, Shanghai,

and you're no patient of mine.

If you don't tell Trask

to let me go

I'll have Wyatt Earp

throw you in jail.

He's a goner.

His heart.

Will you shut up?

I'll examine him.

Fancy pants!

Uh uh. He's gone

and done it.

He's got a hard appendix.

It's just one chance.

Drive him to that army station

out of the old fort.

Wyatt! Wyatt!

Can I get any police protection

in this town?

Mr. Pierce!

He's not dead, is he?

No, ma'am. He's got

the appendicitis.

Doc, he'll never

make it to the fort.

I think the Doc oughta

operate right now.

No! No, I won't!

- Wait a minute!

- No!

You let me kind of handle this.

Wait a minute!

Now look, he's real

sick, isn't he?

Just good as dead right now.

Well, couldn't you operate?

- No.

- Why not?

Why should I operate on a man

who treated Doctor

like a cow hand?

Alright now, doctor.

Now, what is the real reason

you don't wanna operate?

I don't wanna take

the chance, Wyatt. Why should I?

Shanghai Pierce's men might k*ll

me in case anything goes wrong.

But they're gonna be just as

hostile to you, if you refuse.

Yeah! Look, Wyatt,

I ain't gettin' any rest here.

If you're a really

a friend of mine

you'll hold off

Shanghai Pierce's crowd

and give me a head start

back to Wichita. Hmm?

Well, if that's the way

that's the way

you look at it, doctor.

- Doctor.

- Hey! Wait a minute.

Are you saying

I ain't a doctor?

- Well..

- Alright.

I'll operate. Haul that Shanghai

Pierce over to the hotel.

I'll be over there as soon as

I collect the proper tools.

I ain't a doctor! Huh!

Out of my way!

- Out of my way!

- Come on, back it up. Hurry!

Look, Hal, I'm gonna

give Doc a hand.

If any of Shanghai's men

show up here packing g*ns

don't fool around

with 'em. Take 'em.

Right.

- Lie down, Mr. Pierce.

- Where is that old butcher?

He'll be here any minute now.

- Now, Tessie, you stay here.

- I will, Mr. Pierce.

Rest of you

wait in the bedroom.

I don't think old doc's knife

will slip on purpose.

But it just might.

I will have

g*ns on him, Mr. Pierce.

Well, go on. Get out!

Now, Tessie, give me just one

little sniff of your good luck.

No, Mr. Pierce.

- Hello, doctor!

- Huh!

What's marshal Earp

doing here?

He's my assistant.

Any more foolish questions?

Now, you've to make

a long expertise Doc.

- This is a little show gal.

- Ah-h-h.

Oh! Stop your moaning,

you ain't dead yet.

Listen, doc, can I have

one shot of whiskey?

No! Young woman, can you handle

ether without fainting?

- I'll do it.

- No, Wyatt.

I want you

to swab up after me.

And then I want you

to hold the clamps

but right now,

get rid of that a*tillery.

Young lady, you take this.

Put it over his face.

Take the ether.

Let it start

drippin' out slowly.

Wyatt, go there

and get that lamp.

Mostly you'll be

holding the lamp, Wyatt.

Just raise the other one,

Marshal and take it easy.

We just wanna make sure that Doc

here don't let that knife slip.

'Cause if something bad

happens to Mr. Pierce

the same is gonna

happen to you.

Why don't you stop

your jabbering?

Mr. Trask,

hold to that g*n

wait downstairs and take

your friends with you.

Trask, why don't you

clear out of here?

Oh! Stop it!

Go downstairs, Trask.

If anything goes wrong there's

plenty of time to get even.

Alright.

Downstairs, boys.

Hold it, lady.

He's under.

Bring the light closer, Wyatt.

Keep that ether

drippin' slowly, now.

How do you think that went?

The appendix hadn't busted.

No sign of peritonitis yet.

I'd say there's

a good chance, Wyatt

Should he breathing

like this, doctor?

He's lucky to be

breathing at all.

Look, I want you

to stay here and see

that he doesn't eat any pork

chops when he wakes up.

We're gonna go down

to the bar.

How long will you

be gone, doctor?

Well, Ms. Nosey, that's

a professional secret.

Mister...you won't let

the doctor get drunk, will you?

Ma'am, I don't think the doctor

can't get drunk enough

to forget or forgive

any of this.

(Doctor Fabrique)

Wyatt, Wyatt! Come on!

(Wyatt)

Comin'.

(Trask)

How about it, doc?

Mr. Pierce gonna make it?

- None of your business.

- Why you--

Looks like this one

is dead, Wyatt.

No, it just scratched his skull.

Now, you've gone

and ruined my dang vacation.

You know, I should have

shot 'em any way

even if hadn't gone

for their g*ns.

Anyone pulls a g*n on me

when my back's turned.

Better make good on it.

- Professional ethics, doctor.

- Yeah.

Sorry to going off

in such a hurry, Wyatt.

Doc. McCarty will be coming

back in a few hours.

Let him take care

of his own patients.

You wanna get outta here

before anything else happens.

I can't say I blame you.

Sorry it turned out this way.

Hold it, doc. You can wait

a minute for old Shanghai.

You ain't leaving here

until I pay you your fee.

I pay all my debts in cash.

Tessie, give him

that roll of bills.

Here, $ , .

Mr. Pierce wants you

to use it for a new hospital.

Not a rich cent.

Doc. Fabrique thanks you.

You better take it.

You old butcher you.

And, Wyatt..

Oh, here he goes again.

Busted his stitches.

Look out, lady.

Let's take him in, Wyatt.

Go pick up doc's money.

He earned it.

[Ken Darby singing

"The Legend Of Wyatt Earp"]

♪ Well, he cleaned

up the country ♪

♪ The old wild west country

♪ He made law

and order prevail ♪

♪ And none can deny it

♪ The legend of Wyatt

♪ Forever will live

on the trail ♪

♪ Wyatt Earp

Wyatt Earp ♪

♪ Brave courageous and bold

♪ Long live his fame

and long live his glory ♪

♪ And long may

his story be told ♪
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