03x04 - Friday

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

Mvto! I know you all love Bingo Friday.

Thank you, Rita, for
helping me out today. Mvto.

Hey, Rita.

Knock, knock.

- Who's there?
- Dishes.

Dish ish the Navajo Police.

[LAUGHS]

She didn't even laugh.

Just call the numbers.

Yeah, I got a number for you. B-have.

B-have.

That's B- , folks. B- .

You know, I've got things to do today.

So, you're gonna have to
choose these on your own.

Oh, ladies and gentlemen,
did you hear that?

Rita has more important things to do

than to play Bingo with us. Boo!

[OTHERS BOOING]

White Steve, you getting close?

B- and you win all this, right here.

♪ ♪

What you lookin' at?

- Does it look like clouds?
- Huh-uh.

I feel a rain coming on.

Eh, your weather
predictor's broke, Fixico.

[CHUCKLES]

- She got some muscle up in there.
- g*ns, bro.

She gave us the look, bro.

Well, lookie here.

Shitasses Anonymous.

When you speak,

say your name followed
by "and I'm a shitass."

My name is Cheese, my
pronouns are he, him and his,

- and I'm a shitass.
- Bro, shut the f*ck up.

- Shh.
- You.

- You're on trash duty.
- Trash duty?

Yeah, that's right.

- Zoolander.
- Oh, my gosh.

Tinker-hell.

You're sweeping and mopping floors.

- Seriously?
- [LEON] Yeah. That's right.

Come on, what is this?

This is because y'all decided

to be a bunch of
no-thought-ass-having shitasses.

[RITA] Yeah, maybe y'all
will think twice next time

before taking off and
not telling anybody.

AKA running away.

You realize how worried
we were about you guys?

- [BEAR] What?
- [WILLIE JACK] We didn't run away, though.

[BEAR] Wait, wait, wait.

This is about us going to California?

Nothing bad even happened.

[RITA] Nothing bad happened?

You guys ran off to
California, got carjacked,

and you won't even tell
me how you got home.

Deer Lady took me home. I told you, Mom!

Stop that. I told you not to
talk about her like that, okay?

They're gonna come and lock you up.

Wait, wait, wait, why am I here?

I didn't even go to California.

It's called "probably cause."

Okay? You're a bad influence.
I'm sure there's all kinds

of weird bullshit that you're
doing that I don't know about.

And besides, I didn't punish you
for the first time you ran off.

You can't punish me off of suspicion.

Or, like, old sh*t that I did.

[BEV] I can't... ?

- I-I can do whatever the f*ck I want.
- Mm-hmm.

[BEV] I pay for that hair bleach,

I pay for that liquid eyeliner.

All them chairs you're wearing.

Got those.

I can dig around in your phone,

I'll find all kinds of
weird sh*t you're doing.

Pop off at me again.

- What's my punishment?
- Bro, shh.

You and Willie Jack, you're
gonna clean the graffiti,

at the front entrance.

Wait, the hvshwa art?

Yeah.

- That's my masterpiece.
- Art?

Drawing pee-pees and wee-wees?

- Like a bunch of jagaloons.
- [CHEESE] It's just anatomy.

If I catch any of you screwing around,

you're back here tomorrow, again.

- What's "jagaloon"?
- [GROANS]

That's short for jackin' off idiot.

Is that enough for you, he/him? His?

You're so embarrassing, bro.

[LEON] All right, let's go. Come on.

[GRUNTS] It's not even coming off.

Bigger circles, Cheese.

Got to put some mustard into it.

It's not coming off.

Fixico.

You okay?

A lot of rain headed this way.

Eh...

Metaphorically.

Oh.

[CHIPS CRUNCHING]

This is bullshit.

Scrub that hush.

Yeah, once you tie those
up, put 'em in here,

then take 'em out back to the dumpster.

You glad to be back home?

Sounds like you guys
had kind of an adventure.

Yeah, it was.

I'm just glad we got to do
something for Daniel, though.

Well, I know he appreciated it.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Yeah... I'm grounding Willie
Jack until she hits menopause.

But...

I'm glad you guys went.

I think it was what
you were supposed to do.

Yeah.

[REPORTER] Near the Solomon
Islands, they didn't know

that the pulsating light
was indeed actually a UFO.

Oh, f*ck.

They're already here.

Probably under that damn ocean.

[REPORTER] ... the fish boiling
was due to this UFO anomaly.

[BEV] Big!

- What?
- What's up?

Close the curtain!

Patient confidentiality. sh*t.

HIPAA law.

[CLINTON] G- .

That's G-five-eight.

You Bingo, Bone Thug?

You close? Heck yeah.

Wait. Is that a tooth?

Mm-hmm, yeah, that is a
tooth. That's f*cking gross.

Man, when'd you lose your tooth?

So did you really meet Deer Lady?

Yeah. I mean, like, at
first when I saw her hooves,

I thought she was
gonna k*ll me, you know?

But...

... just ended up giving
me some apple pie.

You're f*cking stupid. No, she didn't.

Deer Lady gave you apple pie?

Yeah, I met her. We went
on this long drive together.

It was f*cking awesome.

I think I'm an accessory to m*rder now,

but, like, that's cool, you know?

You're f*cking crazy.

Like... [CHUCKLES]

That wasn't even the craziest
part of my trip, all right?

What's crazier than that, stupid?

[SCOFFS]

- [CLINTON] O- .
- [WHISPERING] Come here.

Star People, eggplants
and I met a conquistador.

[TYPING]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, sh*t.

"Oh, sh*t" what?

[CLINTON] I...

Hope you're ready to be a grandma.

[RITA] Grandma? Wha... ?

[BEV] Mm-hmm.

Oh, it's Bear and Jackie,
they're just friends.

[BEV LAUGHS]

Besides, I'm too young to be a grandma.

What? No.

My grandma was your age.

sh*t, maybe even younger.

You're f*cking insane, bro.

Like, actually f*cking insane.

You're lucky nobody f*cking
heard what you just said.

- You think I'm a liar, man?
- Yeah.

- Calling me a f*cking liar.
- I think you're a f*cking liar.

No. No, no.

- [BEV] Mm-hmm.
- You're full of sh*t.

Nope. Look at 'em.

- Star People?
- You know, I don't even know why

I'm sweeping with your ass,
okay? Because this is f*cking...

Yeah, because we got put
together. I don't f*cking know why.

- Now clean that up.
- Look at you, being f*cking emotional.

- I was?
- I'm not gonna clean that sh*t up.

You clean it up.

I'll take the baby on
the weekends, don't worry.

No, there's no baby.

♪ Old man Fixico back to fix a boat ♪

♪ Got that good medicine
that you didn't know. ♪

Unc, we need some meds.

Oh, yeah? What kind?

Protection meds, man.

- Got some haters.
- Especially online.

[BOTH] Can't cancel
this culture, though.

[FIXICO] Hmm, hmm.

[MEKKO] And if there's a
little love potion in the mix...

I would not be mad.

Just thirsty.

Sick.

Behind your ears
there, get your armpits.

Wrap that medicine in
your underwear at night.

Put it in bed, you sleep with it.

Okay.

All right, well, here you go.

Mvto. Mvto.

[MEKKO] Many mvtos, many mvtos.

[LAUGHTER]

Yeah. Somebody's messing up.

So...

how do you always know
what to give people?

I don't always know what to give 'em.

I just gave these ones stinkweed.

They're always asking for something.

- I was always give 'em stinkweed.
- Hmm.

All right, I'm done.

Oh, f*ck no, that's not done, bro.

Are you blind?

I-I can't see it very well, but...

it-it looks pretty good to me, yeah.

Bro, there's still a big-ass hush
with jojos staring right at us.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Four?

Two.

Bro, I don't know what to tell you.

You're f*cking blind.

Weren't you supposed to go
get glasses like how long ago?

I mean, they said I needed them,
but they never sent them, so...

It's 'cause you got
to go pick 'em up, bro.

- Oh.
- Yeah, bro.

Go get us some chocolates too, yay.

All right. No promises, though.

This place, it's...
it's like a starship.

I'm like a captain, you know?

I guess you could say...

I'm the heart and soul of... IHS.

Without me, this place would fall apart.

I designed it that way.

But the only bad part is

it means I can't quit.

Unless I find a successor.

Which leads me to you.

[CHUCKLING] What?

- Yeah.
- Me?

Yeah.

I mean, I need a matriarch.

Take over.

N... I'm... I'm busy. [CHUCKLES]

You got another job?

I did, but...

I left it to go to California.

Okay, so you're jobless.

You know, if you apply
through the tribe,

I can pull some strings, kid.

Actually, I'm thinking
about going to school.

Really?

I mean, that's great.

Not too far away, though, right?

Well, I don't know, I'm...

I haven't really
thought about that part.

I mean, you know if you go
to Okern Community College,

you can work for me in the afternoons.

That's how I got my start.

Maybe.

All right. [SIGHS]

There are benefits to the job.

[LAUGHS]

[REVERENT SINGING]

Flamin' Flamers.

Uh, I'm trying to quit.

♪ ♪

A- . A... Just seeing if
y'all is paying attention.

That's a B. B- . B-one-four.

- Bingo. Bingo.
- No.

- Oh, hold your card, folks.
- Bingo, Bingo.

f*ck.

- Hold your cards, White Steve.
- No way, bro.

And White Steve with a win.

Mvto.

He's not even a patient here.

I'm very proud of these T-shirts.

You get one of our IHS
T-shirts for the win.

- Can I put it on right now?
- Absolutely.

- That's yours.
- No way.

Haven't his people taken enough?

It fits perfect.

You look cute, bro.

Thank you.

- True Bingo warrior.
- [BEV] Oh, no.

- Don't do that.
- Dab you in this good way.

He's painting him up.

Your Indun name shall be Sour Sofkee.

Aho.

- Mvto. Mvto.
- [w*r CRIES]

Wow. I feel so different.

[CHIMES]

♪ If I'm dreamin' it up
and I'm schemin' it up ♪

♪ Then I can't go wrong ♪

♪ When I'm movin' along
and I'm dancin' around... ♪

Um...

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, hey.

- They called me back.
- No, you're good.

Actually, can you help me?

Can you film this?

Just a second.

- Ready?
- [PHONE CHIMES]

♪ If I'm dreamin' it up
and I'm schemin' it up ♪

♪ Then I can't go wrong ♪

♪ When I'm movin' along
and I'm dancin' around ♪

♪ Then I'm goin' strong ♪

♪ If we're livin' it up
and we're shakin' it up ♪

♪ Then we have it all... ♪

How's that?

- Um...
- Let me see.

- [PHONE CHIMES]
- Mm-hmm.

- [MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY]
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, perfect.
- [PHONE CHIMES]

You here for chocolate?

No, actually, I'm, uh...

here to check on my glasses.

Oh, sh*t. Right.

Where'd you go?

You got your eyes dilated
and never came back.

I didn't know that's how it worked.

So, how was California?

- Heard you all took off.
- Um...

It was good.

Our car got stolen, met White Jesus

and we got to see the ocean.

Glad to be home?

Honestly, yeah.

I don't think I could stay
away from here very long.

Kind of gets ahold of you, huh?

- Yeah.
- It's even better

when you can see three
feet in front of your face.

Well, come on, cvpon. Try 'em on.

Oh, wow, you're beautiful.

Oh, pssh, stop.

Whole new world, huh?

Yeah.

Don't eat too many of those.

Missed a spot.

Thank you.

Oh, hey, Big. Hey, uh...

Earlier when I walked in on you...

Yeah. Kind of...

felt violating, to be honest with you.

Oh, yeah, uh-huh, I bet.

You, uh... you shave down there

or is your blood quantum just that high?

Shh.

What's the matter with you, Bev? sh*t.

- Supposed to be confidential.
- Oh, I'm just saying.

You know, after all
history's done to our people,

they never colonized that hush.

Making our people proud.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. Real tradish.

sh*t.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

Appreciate that.

It's like two glistening
acorns down there.

Oh.

Would you want to hike
those sacred mounds, innit?

- [LAUGHS] You wish.
- Yeah.

Let me set up that next
appointment then, huh?

[BEV] All right.

We'll have you in here
at the end of next week.

- Anyhoo...
- Eh.

Ooh. f*ck, you're just cute, innit?

[BEV LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

Did you hear all that?

No.

Boo. Missed out on some
important teachings.

You learn your lesson
about being a runaway yet?

I'm , I can leave for
California today if I wanted to.

[SIGHS] sh*t, take me
with you next time you go.

Uh, Bev, I was wondering
if I could get my records.

Records?

Yeah, like my sh*ts and sh*t.

I'm thinking about going to school.

Oh, f*ckin' A.

What you thinking about learning there?

I don't know, like
psychology or something.

Mm-hmm. Master manipulator. I see you.

Little freak. [SIGHS]

All right, I'll have 'em printed out.

Uh, you can pick 'em up at
the window down the hall.

- Mvto.
- [PHONE RINGS]

[DINGS]

Postoak?

- Yeah.
- Documents.

Thank you.

Rick Miller?

What kind of f*ckin' name is Rick?

[ENTRY BELL CHIMES]

Oh. Mvto, mvto.

Got you a diet, because of your 'betes.

Oh.

Mm-hmm. Mmm.

You know...

I'm gonna miss things like meat pies.

Why, where you going?

I'm going soon.

Up to that happy hunting ground.

How do you know you're leaving soon?

I just know.

They don't have meat pies there?

Let's hope so.

Well, if you're gone, then...

who's gonna doctor people up?

I don't know.

No one to pass it on to.

I mean, I'm interested.

I'm here all the time,

with my meat pies.

I could do both.

It's real medicine, though.

You have to be serious.

I'm the most serious.

When I want to be.

Hmm.

You got to ask me three times, then.

Will you teach me real medicine?
Will you teach me real medicine?

Will you teach me real
medicine... please?

In the name of the Father,
the Son and the Holy Spirit,

I anoint you.

♪ ♪

Anoint me?

[LAUGHS]

I'm just teasing. I'm teasing.

Well... how do we start?

Just sit there. Don't ask questions.

And when the time is
right, I'll let you know.

Okay. This is like
Empire Strikes Back sh*t.

♪ ♪

- Oh, hey.
- Do I look weird?

No, it looks good.

It's different, but...

He's looking all handsome.

I have mixed feelings about my feelings.

What could I take if
I want to be like...

super quiet so I could, like,

practice my assassin moves?

Watch some Jackie Chan movies, I guess.

[DOOR OPENS]

You, bro. We're done.

Want to go hit up Sonic's?

- Can I go?
- Mm.

Can't learn it all in a day, eh?

[WILLIE JACK] That's right.

- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, sh*t.

- Look at you, man.
- Damn, man. I like the new look.

I like it. It's about time, though.

Like playing Mario Karts with your ass

has been straight-up tragic.

- [LAUGHTER]
- [WILLIE JACK] Hey, hey.

How many fingers am I holding up?

- Shut up.
- [LAUGHTER]

Let's go to Sonic's, bro.

- Yeah?
- Let's do it.

Yeah, let's do it, then.

- Looking good, man.
- I can finally see now.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER]

♪ In the Washitaw River ♪

♪ In a Kiowa Comanche teepee ♪

♪ Daddy had a hard time ♪

♪ Mama made his eyes shine ♪

You wanna come see
my g*n later, or what?

Yeah, yeah.

I don't want to get sh*t in the face.

Or maybe I do.

Uh!

Oh, sh*t, Bev.

Damn, Bev.

♪ Daddy showed up with
his standup guitar ♪

♪ And then we rocked it I believe ♪

[LAUGHTER]

♪ And I'm running wild ♪

♪ Hope it don't take too long ♪

♪ I'm-a love you ♪

♪ I'm-a try to make you happy ♪

♪ You got to let me sing my song. ♪