03x05 - Like Crazy

[bunniefuu]

[DOOR OPENS]

Hi.

Hi, there.

Sheila.

Come in.

[CHUCKLES]

[STAMMERS] I never thought
that I'd see you in Reno.

What, uh...

Hitting the slots?
Luck be a lady tonight?

Or today? It's daytime.

I don't gamble.

I know. I was joking.

You called me.

Last night.

You said you needed to see me.

Yes. Yes, I did.

- You don't remember calling me, do you?
- Yes, I do.

No, you don't.

I don't. [SIGHS]

I'm... I'm so sorry. I...

You were drunk.

I didn't come here for...

I'm not expecting anything.

Oh. Did I, um... Did I set
any particular expectations?

I just want to make sure you
were all right. That's all.

Are you not all right?

I just have these days,
sometimes, where I can't.

And today, I couldn't. [STAMMERS]

I didn't.

Your adversary, the one
you wanted to neutralize,

she's here?

Oh, yeah. She's here. Yeah.

She's everywhere, it turns out.
[CHUCKLES] Everywhere I am, at least.

Thanks for coming. [SIGHS]

I'll admit, I might have welcomed
the chance to get away for a moment,

that there might be a
problem I could actually fix.

Unlike with Maria, where I feel useless.

Why don't you sit down? Sit down.
Sit down. Let me get you some water.

Oh, for me? No. That's...

- That's not necessary.
- No, please, please.

What...

What's going on?

She's not herself.

And I'm frightened by it, if I'm
honest, of who she seems to be inside.

We're trying to help,

and the church is caring but seems
to be going in the wrong direction.

I worry about... safety.

Hers and the baby's.

Have you considered seeking
psychological counseling for her?

Hmm.

No.

It could help.

It really could.

Help in a way that God can't?

Maybe.

What if God is helping her right now?

What if God brought you here to

hear that therapy could help her with...

So, now you're his prophet?

[CHUCKLES] You already know I am.

Why else did you start to follow me?

[CHUCKLES]

I'm sure God will continue to
help her. But in the meantime,

why not get a therapeutic
professional on the case too?

How would you even go
about finding someone?

[KNOCKING]

[GRETA] Sheila, open the door!

- [KNOCKING]
- [GRETA] What the effing sh*t, Sheila?

Okay.

- Me and you, we need to talk.
- [BREEM] Mm-hmm.

- I'm sorry. I know it's... Just...
- [GRETA] Open the door!

- What? [STAMMERS]
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[KNOCKING]

Am I a joke to you?

Is this whole deal a big
practical joke? A prank?

You are a television personality now,

and you get naked on stage

in front of some of the most
powerful players in the industry?

- [STAMMERS] There's more to the story.
- Hartman is pissed and concerned

but mostly pissed. And
you know what? So am I.

I understand. I understand.

- But maybe if...
- [GASPS, YELPS]

And when Wake Up, San Diego hears

that their "Good Morning Health"
lady flashed her kibbles and bits...

- Greta, please.
- I get home.

I barely have time to watch the
twins blow out their birthday candles

before I am summoned back out
here 'cause... [BREATHES SHARPLY]

... Sheila,

you got naked on stage at the
National Health and Fitness expo!

I don't think that I
was completely naked.

Our financial freedom

is on the line, and you're
out here... [STAMMERING]

Was it some sort of statement, or

is this entire thing a big joke to you?

It is not in any way a joke.

And I'm... I'm very...
I'm very, very sorry.

[SIGHS] When we first met with Hartman,

I was concerned about you
representing a food product,

that it would be too much for you,

given where you are in your recovery.

[SHEILA] Just tell her. Tell her
you got sh*t-faced last night,

fantasized about Kelly
trying to kiss you,

woke up in a hungover shame spiral,

tried to stuff your
fat ass into a girdle,

freaked out, ripped your
clothes off in front of everyone,

dove into a bathtub of
cookies, barfed it all up.

Then opened the door to find the man
you had an affair with in despair,

which is at least % your fault anyway

because once someone touches you,
they're dirty, rotten garbage.

And she should go back home
and forget about your "business"

before she becomes
dirty rotten garbage too.

[GASPS]

Greta.

I backslid... [STAMMERS]

... mentally speaking.

But it can happen on
the road to recovery,

and it was a momentary lapse.

And I won't let it happen again.

I won't.

It's me and you, Greta.

It's me and you.

I'll talk to Hartman and see...
[SCOFFS] ... what I can do.

[SHEILA] Thank you.

You are sure you're okay?

Yeah.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

[SIGHS] It's okay. She's gone.

- I'm sorry.
- This is foolish. I should go.

You don't have to go.

Yeah.

Well, if you need me or...

What?

If I need you, what should I do?

[SIGHING]

[SHEILA] Good job, loser.

Getting drunk and calling
a boy like you're .

Then wanting to f*ck him right
after you tell him some sh*t

about God helping his wife.

What is wrong with you?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong

because this is exactly
who you really are.

A heartless, fat, sloppy loser.
You are worthless. You are a waste.

[CLEARS THROAT] Ye... [SIGHS]

Winter, spring, summer or fall.

[CHUCKLES]

- Hug me, shithead. [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah, yes. Sorry. Yes. Of course.

- [SIGHS] Oh, honey.
- Oh, wow. Wow.

- I'm so glad you called.
- [SIGHS]

You don't look so good.

- What?
- I am so hot from that bus.

- Do you have AC?
- Yeah, it's on right now.

[SHEILA] Greta's right.
You made a fool of yourself,

parading your old,
saggy, naked body up there

in front of your business colleagues.

Now everyone's watching you,

knowing your nipples look
like withered raisins.

Probably got a whiff of
your dumpster puss too.

And a - arrangement
wouldn't actually be a problem,

but I just started this
new, pretty demanding job.

[DEB] I'm happy to help.

Finally get to spend some
time with my precious niece.

And I needed to get out of
Philly. Small town, small minds.

And I couldn't go anywhere
without being reminded of Jack

who, I'm not kidding,
pawned my Nikon F .

I mean, I don't know how
I'm supposed to make a living

- as a photographer without my camera.
- Yeah.

So I had to close my studio,
which is where I was sleeping.

Move in with Tony. You remember Tony?

- No.
- Couldn't read music,

but he taught himself how to play piano,

and that's what he
does now for a living.

Until Monica's daughter,
Misty, left for college,

and I was able to move into
her room. And that was fine.

But then I started working at the
front desk of this dentist's office,

and they wanted me to
work the most insane hours.

No days off. Not one,
except Saturday and Sunday.

And I'm like, "Sorry, you guys
don't see the problem with this?"

But then Misty calls, and she's
like, "Wait. We need a dorm mom.

You should come here." So
I did, and it was great.

But then it's like, "Now I gotta obey

the same rules that the students do?"

I'm sorry. [CHUCKLES] So it
was just, like, no freedom.

So I am so glad to be out of there

and be here with my brother,
who I have missed so much.

Deb, I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry for the distance
between us the past few years.

- Ten years.
- Ten years.

I don't blame you, Danny.

Sheila made it hard for us to be close.

But we're here now, together,
and that's all that matters.

I am going to help you through this.

We are going to get
through this together.

And holy sh*t!

Who is this big girl
standing in front of me?

This can't be little,
itty-bitty, baby Maya.

You couldn't be that
big. What are you, ?

- I'm six.
- No. Get over here.

Oh. Oh, you and me are gonna have
so much fun. I promise you that.

["EASY STREET" PLAYING]

[SHEILA] Why even bother
getting a workout now? It's over.

No more Wake up, San Diego.
More like Good night, Sheila.

Okay, ladies and gentlepeople.

Let's begin.

- ["HOTEL HEARTS" PLAYING]
- [EXHALING SHARPLY]

Gentle and slow.

Side to side.

Baby hops.

And now we're swaying.

Smooth, easy.

A breeze through the trees.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

And circle the arms, and
swim through the lake.

Ah, ah. Slow it down.

Nice and easy.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

All eyes on you. [CHUCKLES]

That's what you want, isn't it?

- Fame begets scrutiny...
- [BREATHING HEAVILY]

... so you better give 'em
something nice to look at.

Oh, dear.

I think it might be too late,

now that everybody's seen
you bulging out of your corset

like a busted-up can of biscuits.

- [EXHALING SHARPLY]
- Oh, well. Too bad. So sad.

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

Sheila?

- Oh. Oh. [SIGHS]
- Oh, no.

You didn't want me to
actually come, did you?

No. No, no. That's not it.

I just... I, uh... I...
I can't believe you did.

I'm, um... I'm-I'm
a little out of sorts.

[CHUCKLES] I'm a... I'm a
lot out of sorts, actually.

Well, come here. Come here.

It's okay. Mmm.

- I'm gonna take you to dinner, okay?
- Okay.

[MACHINE WHIRRING]

[DEB] Dinner is served.

Oh, the green beans look amazing.

Okay.

That. This. [GRUNTS]

[DANNY GRUNTS, SIGHS]

[DEB] There you go.

- Is that...
- Bubbe's potato kugel?

You bet your ass it is.

I can't remember the last
time I ate... [STAMMERS]

This. And I replenished
your juice supply.

Upgraded it, actually.

[SIGHS]

Oh, we don't really do that.

- This is good. This is really good.
- Right? Right?

Yeah, of course it's good.
It's high-fructose corn syrup.

Okay. Let's dig in.

Oh. Um...

Oh, sh*t.

Sorry, Maya.

I forgot about your whole, like...
your vegetarian thing. sh*t.

Don't be sorry. It's... It's fine.

I mean, you were just
always such a carnivore.

I mean, I swear to God, the image I have

of you throughout our entire childhood

is you never wearing a shirt
and always holding a chicken leg.

He loved to just tear the
meat right off the bone.

- [DANNY] No.
- So, is... is the vegetarian thing...

That was Sheila, right?

[DANNY] Yeah, it was
both of us, you know?

It was more environmentally based,
though, more so than animal welfare.

Another way for her to control
her diet and control you.

- [SIGHS]
- All I'm saying is, it's your life...

now.

I want some. Please?

[SIGHS]

[DEB] Little bit.

- [DANNY] No... Okay, Debbie.
- [DEB] Well...

- More!
- Maya.

[DANNY] Okay, that is it. [SIGHS]

Okay, here's to sweet
drinks and heavy meats.

You are a Rubin through and through.

[SHEILA SIGHS]

- Ooh. [CHUCKLES]
- Mm-hmm.

They're delicious. I promise.

Yes... [STAMMERS]
... they look good. I just...

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

I like choosing. You know,
the fixed menu thing, it's new.

Well, think of it as
someone guiding you,

with an immense amount
of knowledge and care,

through a cohesive experience.

[SHEILA BREATHES DEEPLY]

[CARLOS] Chef took the time
to taste and experiment,

to weigh everything out
precisely to the gram

so that by the time you finish,
you feel sated but comfortable.

You can let go.

You don't have to think.

Just enjoy.

Good?

Perfect.

I'm so glad that you came.

Me too.

Today has been...

Today has been something
else. [CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]

I'm listening.

Mmm, can I have more?

No, you can't. You've got bedtime.

You gotta save some room for
what I'm gonna make tomorrow.

Okay? Go brush your teeth.

[SIGHS]

Well, how are you?

Great. I'm full. You
know, this was terrific.

No, you, Danny. Really, how are you?

Fine. I'm fine.

I, uh, you know... I'm trying to figure

out this whole co-parenting thing...

- God, she really did a number on you.
- ... right now.

No, it's just...

She f*cked you up good.

A little. Little bit, yeah.

And now you feel so alone.

I do.

It's okay. I'm here.

[SIGHS] You're right. You're right.

I just hate admitting
that I feel so lonely.

I saw a flyer out in the hallway

for, like, this luau
thing that they're doing,

and it seems special, and I don't know,

- I've got Maya, why don't you go?
- [SIGHS] No.

- Why else am I here?
- They do a luau every single night.

- It's not that special.
- Oh.

Nor is it any fun. Because
everyone there is mean.

- Everyone there is mean?
- Yes. Everyone.

I went in there with an open
heart and an open mind, and I...

Are you sure this
isn't just fear talking?

I... [STAMMERS] Fear?
I'm not a... [SIGHS]

I'm not scared of a luau, Debbie. Okay?

If you don't believe
me, go for yourself.

You'll see. But just know this, just
because someone is wearing a lei,

that does not mean they
practice the principles of aloha.

And then, I don't know.
I somehow ended up naked?

[CARLOS] Oh. [CHUCKLES]

- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
- Hmm. Okay. I'm-I'm sorry.

- I don't mean to... [CHUCKLING]
- It wasn't funny. Trust me.

- Nobody was laughing. Nobody.
- No, I-I don't...

I know, it must have been terrible.

But pretty f*cking hilarious. [LAUGHING]

[SHEILA] Stop it. It was...

- It was an awful experience. It was awful.
- [MUFFLED] Oh. Oh, my God.

- I'm sorry. I'm with you. I'm with you.
- [CHUCKLES]

But girdles at a fitness expo?

I mean, what... what...
what decade is this?

Maybe it needed a little shaking up.

But I didn't come to shake things up.

I just came to further my
career. Take the next step.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know, uh, restaurant
people always tell me that too,

that I should take the next step.

You know, open up my own place.

But, uh, nah.

Never mind. [CHUCKLES]
It's not-not interesting.

No. Tell me. What?

[STAMMERS] It's just not...

It's just not why I got
into food in the first place.

So, uh, why did you?

[KNOCKING]

- [CARLOS] Hmm. [MUMBLES]
- [GRETA] Good morning, sunshine!

- [SHEILA] Okay. Okay.
- [CARLOS GRUNTS]

[KNOCKING]

[GRETA] I've got smoothies and news.

- [SHEILA] Morning.
- [CARLOS] Morning.

[SHEILA] Hey, I'm coming. I'm coming.

[SHEILA CLEARS THROAT, SIGHS]

Hi. [CHUCKLES]

- You're not gonna believe it...
- Oh.

... but I was able to
salvage the deal with Hartman.

It took some expert diplomacy.

A little pat on my own
back. Don't mind if I do.

So, here's the poop.

- Well, I was thinking last night and, um...
- You ready...

... I have something that
I want to share with you...

as well. [CHUCKLES]

- Have a seat.
- Okay. What kind of thinking?

It's good. It's-It's all good.

- You're gonna love it.
- Okay. [CHUCKLES]

Please, just take a load off.

[SIGHS]

I wanna get back to the basics.

Back to what inspired me to start
this journey in the first place.

This expo. The cookies. [SIGHS]

It isn't the goal. I mean,
it's never been the goal.

And this backslide I've been
having... [STAMMERS] ... it's a sign.

We don't need Hartman.

We're better off without them.

- I'm sorry. What are you saying?
- [TOILET FLUSHES]

Is there... Is there
someone in here that I'm...

- Oh, hi. [CHUCKLES]
- Hey. Come out.

Carlos, this is Greta, who you've
heard me talk about so much.

- All good things. [CHUCKLING]
- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

- Hi, sorry. Not at my best right now.
- [SHEILA, CARLOS CHUCKLE]

[SCOFFS] So... So, this
is what you've been doing?

Hiding him in here all this time?

- Wait. [STAMMERS] Hiding me?
- What? No.

- No.
- Me and you, we need to talk.

Alone.

- [BREATHES DEEPLY]
- [DEB GROANS]

[GROANS, EXHALES SHARPLY]

Well, well, well.

Did you have a shitty
time at your shitty luau?

I'm so sorry, Danny. But...
[SIGHS] ... I had a ball.

I mean, they were so cool and welcoming.

I mean, they are a hoot
and a half. [CHUCKLES]

Well, that's maybe different
because you're a woman. So...

Maybe.

They told me you were kind
of a d*ck about recycling.

I'm a d*ck because I
care about the planet?

Nice. Real, real nice.

Maybe the problem, my sweet,
stupid brother, is you.

I mean, which is not all your fault.

All right. Well, maybe that's enough

margarita-induced wisdom for the day.

- Mommy babied you.
- Please.

- You know that that is true.
- No. No, she didn't.

She applauded every
little accomplishment,

like when you said thank you
or wiped your own little tush.

Naturally, you mistake praise for love,

which is why you operate the way you do.

f*ck you.

[STAMMERS, SCOFFS] And your
marriage. Well, I mean...

Look, that just reaffirmed
your need for admiration.

If you can earn the approval
of a skinny bitch like her...

Okay. That's more than enough.

You can strike that
last bit from the record.

- Yeah.
- I am not here to make trouble.

I'm here to help.

[MAYA] Daddy.

I got her. You go run.

Okay. Great. Yeah.

[SIGHS]

You're just letting another man,
who you just started banging,

dictate an entirely new
direction in your life.

This was my decision. It was my move.

All he did was listen, something
you could do a little more of.

No. Uh-uh. I can't take another
one of your moves, Sheila.

No. I put everything on the line
for this deal, and you just wanna...

This is more than just
a business deal for me.

This is my life.

[CHUCKLES] I am Body by Sheila.

You're never gonna see
me as a true partner.

- That's not how I meant for that to sound.
- You know who I've been talking to?

Kelly Kilmartin.

She couldn't believe I was able
to fix things with you and Hartman.

Said... Said she was impressed
by my business acumen.

Oh, yeah. That's right.
Blondie knows words.

She's also a drunk and a liar.

I have spent a lot of time with
her the last couple of days,

- and let me tell you, she's...
- She is a powerhouse and a professional.

You don't want the
deal with Hartman. Fine.

'Cause I know she will.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hello?

[FIDELIA] Uh, Mr. Rubin?

Hey. Um, I was here to talk
to my wife, and it's : a.m.

- Aren't you guys open already?
- [SCOFFS]

I guess I took a little extra time
today 'cause my boss is out of town?

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I know.

I, um, yeah, she's in, um, the...

- The National Fitness...
- National...

- ... and Health Expo, Reno. Mm-hmm.
- Y-Yeah. Reno.

I knew that. Yeah. sh*t. Okay.

- Damn it.
- Uh, are you okay, Mr. Rubin?

You can call me Danny.

- No, thank you.
- Do you think I could leave her a message?

- Right now?
- Yeah. Sorry. It's pretty urgent.

Mm-hmm. Y-Y-Yeah.

[BREATHING DEEPLY]

Oh. Okay. I'm gonna start with, uh...

"Sheila, I now understand everything,

and not everything like in the
sense of the universe, per se."

And that's not per
S-A-Y, but, uh, per se...

I know how to spell per se, Danny.

Yeah. Right. Of course. Sorry.
[CHUCKLES] Are you ready?

"I understand everything about exercise.

Uh, you were right,
Sheila. About all of it.

The fitness and the health. Sheila... "

Oh, Fidelia, don't, uh, write
Sheila every time I say it.

Just... I'm... I'm saying it out
loud for rhythm's sake, at this point.

- Got it.
- Good. Okay.

Um. "You are onto
something big and important.

And I know that you know
that, but I now know it too.

And not in, like, a jealous
or a threatening way,

or anything like that.

[BREATHES DEEPLY] If I
would have listened to you,

then maybe I would have understood
how important it all was,

and I would have been happier sooner.

And I would have seen this.
And I would have seen you.

And who knows? Maybe things
would be a little bit different."

Sorry. Um. It's gonna get
a lot weirder than that.

So, you good? Still with me?

- Yeah. Still with you.
- Okay. Great. [INHALES DEEPLY]

"I now know why you f*cked John Breem."

You can write that. You
can write that. Yeah.

"I've always known why
John Breem f*cked you.

But I now kind of get
it the other way too.

In a way, maybe in all the
ways, he listened to you.

[INHALES DEEPLY] And you
understand sh*t, Sheila."

Put that... Actually put that Sheila in.

I think that one's pretty important.

- Got it.
- Okay.

"I don't forgive you.
I won't forgive you.

But I want you to know
that I now understand.

And I feel like that's something,

maybe something to start with."

Yeah. End message.

Do you... [CHUCKLES]

Do you wanna get coffee sometime?

Ah, that... [SCOFFS] That's
probably not a great idea.

But, uh, yeah, perhaps.

Perhaps I would.

Hello.

- [SIGHS]
- [BREEM] Oh, I'm sorry.

I wanted to tell you, um...

I thought I would tell you.

I'm sorry, on behalf of the church.

The way they've been
going about your health,

your treatment, has
been misguided, perhaps.

I've been made aware of
an alternative approach.

Made aware?

A psychiatrist. I've made you
an appointment for tomorrow.

You did what?

I got a recommendation.
The doctor is very good.

So, you think I'm crazy?

I think that professional help...

No! Absolutely not.

I am not crazy, John.

And I can't believe
you would... [PANTING]

No! [GRUNTS]

Uh...

[SIGHS]

I think it looks better on me.

Kelly and Greta, bosses,
babes and best buds. [CHUCKLES]

You lost her. One sure thing you had.

How do you think you're
gonna do it without her?

I am gonna do just fine.

[CLEARS THROAT] I have a television job.

[SNIFFS] And I have a boyfriend.
And I have a lot of fans out there.

[KELLY] For now, you do. But
if you think you can make it

without the one true friend
who really believes in you.

Well, then you're
"fatter" than I thought.

Fatter? [SNIFFS] That's
not what you meant.

I don't make the rules.

I don't wish to speak with
you anymore. You can go now.

Seven-course meal with Carlos,

and you let your best friend
just walk out the door.

I don't wanna get angry with you!

Oh, you don't do that anymore.

You're in group therapy.
You're on a healing journey.

I am on a healing journey!

That's not what I see. I see
someone just hanging on by a thread,

just waiting for that moment to snap.

And so did everyone else
on the fashion show floor

when you decided to open
up your lady cupboard

and show everyone the
dusty, cracked china.

- [GRUNTS]
- [GASPS, GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[KNOCKING]

[HOTEL ATTENDANT] You needed
some help with your bags?

Thank you, I can manage on my own!

[BREATHES SHAKILY, SNIFFS]