[g*nshots, Men Whooping]
Ya-hoo-hoo!
- Ya-hoo-hoo!
- [g*nsh*t]
Yahoo!
Yahoo!
Yahoo!
Whoo-hoo!
Well, if I don't bet 'em...
ya may not think I got 'em,
so I'm bettin'.
That's good.
[Laughing] A deuce in the hole
in this game is good as an ace.
Thought you was tough, Kent.
[Laughing]
Too good for me, Claggett.
Deal me out a hand.
I never knew money
was so easy to get.
[Laughing]
[Music Playing,
Indistinct Chatter]
It was Little Joe
the wrangler
He will wrangle never more
- For his days with the round-up
they are o'er
- They are o'er
'Twas a year ago last April
when he rode up to our camp
- Just a little Texas stray
and nothing more
- And nothing more
- [Woman] LittleJoe
- LittleJoe
- LittleJoe
- LittleJoe
- Oh, whatever become of him,
I don't know
- She don't know
Oh, he sure did like his liquor
and it would have got his ticker
But the sheriff got
him quicker, yee-yahoo
Yee-yahoo
- Little Joe
- Little Joe
- Little Joe
- Little Joe
- Oh, wherever his body
lies I don't know
- She don't know
When the yellow moon was beamin'
he could wrangle like a demon
- And you'd always hear him
screamin' yee-yahoo
- Yee-yahoo
- LittleJoe
- LittleJoe
- Little Joe
- Little Joe
- Oh, whatever he's doing now
I don't know
- She don't know
He had women by the dozens
and he swore they was his cousins
'Til he met up with
their husband, yee-yahoo
- Yee-hoo
- Yee-yahoo!
[Laughter]
Aah!
Oh, Little Joe
Little Joe
Whatever happened to him
I don't know
But I sure do like
my liquor
But I can see
ya got it quicker
And I hope it makes
you sick, you buffalo
- How's everybody doing?
- Not bad. Not bad.
- I could use a little touch
of that rabbit's foot of yours.
- I say you could.
He'll need more than a rabbit's foot
to catch up with me.
I'll more than likely own this
whole shebang before the night's over.
Then you'll be workin'
for me, Frenchy.
That's fine. Maybe I can
get a little raise.
You betcha can.
You betcha can.
Anybody like a sandwich?
- No, but I'll have some coffee.
- Me too.
- Yeah, I'll take some.
- None for me, thanks.
Bet 5O.
- [Foot Kicking]
- Oh. I'll stay.
Let's keep the small fry out.
I'll make it 1 OO.
I fold.
Ace, ten bets.
Ace oughta be worth
about, uh, 5OO.
Not me.
I'll stay.
I drop.
Pair of eights bets.
Bet 1,OOO.
Pair of eights, huh?
Well, I got an eight myself,
so I don't think you got three of'em.
But just to find out, I'll bump ya 2,OOO.
Eh, Frenchy?
- All or nothin', I always say.
- Me too.
[Laughing]
I'll call.
[Dealer]
Last card coming up.
- Pair of aces bets.
- Pair of aces.
- I guess that oughta fold ya up.
- Wait a minute.
Make your bet.
Ya mean ya ain't droppin'?
I'm still in.
And I still don't think ya got
three eights, so pop goes the weasel.
[Chuckling]
Think that's enough?
Don't you?
You're bettin'.
Well, dern my hide.
I got a 3,OOO-acre ranch...
and 1,500 head of cattle
worth at least $ 10,000...
that says you don't want
any part of it.
- Ohh!
- Golly, that's hot!
[Kent]
Can't ya be more careful, Frenchy?
My heel caught on something.
Let me wipe you off.
Oh, that's all right, Frenchy.
Accidents'll happen.
- I'm sorry.
- That's all right. Forget it. Forget it.
Let's play poker.
Callin' my bet or ain't ya?
I'll call.
Three shining aces.
Where?
I had an ace in the hole.
How'd that deuce get there?
- Maybe you only seen one end of it.
- I saw what I saw.
Well, I guess that makes
my two pair good.
- You take your hands off that pot.
- Behave yourself.
- You keep outta this.
- You were bluffing, and you were called.
You're all a bunch of crooks,
but ya ain't cheatin' me.
Take it easy, partner.
I'll show ya
how I'll take it.
Quiet! Quiet!
Quiet!
Boys.
- Nice work, honey.
- Practise makes perfect.
Well, that does it. This gives us a solid
strip of land right across the valley.
And what do we do now?
Nothin' 'til them cattle men try to
drive their herds through without payin'.
- How many steers will come through?
- Last year, there were 35O, OOO.
Now, if we charge 'em
25 cents a head...
- That makes...
- $87,5OO.
- Now that's money.
- We're rich.
I'll get my gal's teeth
plugged with diamonds...
and just sit
and watch her smile.
Uh-uh.
I'll take care of that.
I'd rather have cash
in the bank.
And stay outta here!
[Cocking Hammer]
Just a minute, Claggett.
- Where you going with that r*fle?
- You let me alone, Keogh.
I'm gonna k*ll that dirty cheat
if it's the last thing I do.
Now take it easy. You ain't gonna k*ll
nobody. What's this all about?
That low-down skunk sucked me
into bettin' my ranch and cattle...
- and then switched cards on me.
- So Kent got you too, did he?
He thinks he did.
Gimme that g*n!
Now, you go on home.
I'll see that they don't get your ranch.
- There's only one way to stop Kent.
- I'll take care of that too.
I been waitin' a long time to catch up
with that tin horn.
Now go on home. Go on.
Go on before you get yourself k*lled.
- Sheriff, Sheriff, Sheriff.
What's up? What's up?
- Not a thing, Wash.
Oh, ya can't fool me.
I can see by the look in yer eye
and the way you're a-walkin'.
You know, when Tom Destry walked
like that, he was stalking his prey.
Now, if there's anything I can do
to help ya, I'll do it.
No, thanks, Wash. I got no need for you
and your banjo right now.
When I was Destry's deputy, I was good
with g*ns. I was equal to any emergency.
- I know. I know. Some other time.
- [Everyone Laughing]
Aw, laugh!
Laugh, you coyotes!
Lookin' for somebody, Sheriff?
Yes, I aim to find out from Kent...
why he's turnin' that poker game
into a land-grab business.
Oh.
Now you'll do a lot better for yourself
if you come over and buy me a drink.
- I know what's good for me.
- I'm sure ya do.
Frenchy, they don't believe me.
They don't know what
a big man I was.
- I was Tom Destry's deputy, wasn't I?
- Sure, sure, sure.
- There, you see?
- Go and buy yourself something to drink.
[Chuckling] Oh!
- How'd everything go up there?
- I still serve the best
coffee in Bottleneck.
What'd Keogh have on his mind?
Oh, he was just getting a little curious
about that real estate business.
I think I'll have to buy myself
an option on his curiosity.
[g*nshots]
I think you'll have to buy yourself
a whole new sheriff.
If you can find one.
- What are ya doing?
- I didn't do it. I didn't do it.
- What's the matter with you?
- Oh, Miss Frenchy,
I was just tryin' to shut out...
the boomin' and the bangin'
of them there pop g*ns.
- What do you expect in a town like this?
- I expect I's gonna remain...
- a mass of quiverin' flesh.
- [Thudding]
What's comin' up,
a new gold rush?
We never got anything
like that in New Orleans.
Maybe so, maybe so,
but it was a heap more peaceful.
I'd like to sink my chattering teeth
in some good ol' Louisiana oysters.
Here, sink your teeth Into this.
Maybe that will stop the chattering.
- Oh, it will help. Thanks.
- [Knock At Door]
- Come in.
- They're waitin' for ya, Frenchy.
The longer they wait,
the better they like it.
[Applause, Cheering]
All I do
is dine with 'em
And split a pint
of wine with 'em
Respectable as can be
Yet here's what
they say to me
You've got that look
That look that
leaves me weak
You with your eyes
across the table technique
You've got that look
That look between the lines
You with your let's get
more than friendly designs
I should be brave and say
Let's have no more of it
But oh, what's the use
when you know
I love it
You'll only k*ll my will
Before I speak
So turn on
that low left hook
That look that
leaves me weak
You've got that look
That look that
leaves me weak
You with your eyes
across the table technique
You've got that look
That look
between the lines
You with your let's get
more than friendly designs
I should be brave and say
Let's have no more of it
But oh, what's the use
when you know
I love it
Whoopee!
You'll only k*ll my will
before I speak
So turn on that low left hook
That look that leaves me weak
[Cheering, g*nshots]
[Cheering Continues]
Quiet! Shut up!
Folks, an important
announcement by our mayor...
the honourable Hiram J. Slade.
Fellow citizens...
our esteemed sheriff,
Mr Joseph Keogh...
has been suddenly called out of town
on urgent business.
He'll be gone permanent.
- [Man] Yippee!
- So it becomes necessary
for me to appoint somebody...
to fill out
the unexpired term.
Therefore, with the power
conferred on me...
by statute number 85-E...
and other statutes
thereunto appertainin'...
I do hereby appoint
to the post of sheriff...
that paragon of courage...
that credit
to his community...
the pride of Bottleneck...
Mr Washington Dimsdale.
[Laughter]
Oh, Little Joe,
Little Joe
- [Man] Hooray for the new sheriff!
- [Cheering]
Hooray!
- What are we cheerin' for?
- It's for you, Wash.
You're the new sheriff.
Hooray... What?
That's right, Sheriff.
Congratulations.
As mayor of Bottleneck,
I here and now pronounce you sheriff.
[Cheering]
Drinks on the house,
everybody.
I set 'em up
and you drink 'em down.
I set 'em up
and you drink 'em down.
I set 'em up
and you drink 'em down.
This is getting
monotonous!
Quiet, everybody!
To our new sheriff,
Washington Dimsdale.
A long life.
- [Cheering]
- A long life. That's pretty good.
Wash, aren't you
drinking to yourself?
Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure.
Frenchy, am I really the sheriff?
- Well, sure, you are.
- Then I am off the liquor.
A man has gotta choose
between the bottle and the badge.
[Laughter, Cheering]
Why, he didn't say that...
or did he?
Laugh, you fools!
I'm tellin' ya this town of Bottleneck
has gotta respect law and order...
or I'll put everybody in jail.
[Laughing]
The Sheriff's right. Now you can see
why I chose such a strong-minded man.
- [Laughter]
- We're all with ya, Sheriff.
- If you need any help,
I'll be your deputy.
- No need to bother.
I want a deputy like I was
when Destry was my boss.
Why, we handled a much tougher
and ornery a crowd than I see present.
Why, when we started sh**t',
they ran outta town so fast...
the breeze from their coat-tails
set off a sizeable windmill.
[Laughter]
- But Destry is dead.
- That makes him
the right man for the job.
- Saves us a lot of trouble.
- Is that so?
Well, young Tom ain't dead,
and his father brought him up...
to be the toughest and fightinest man
that ever growed up in the west.
He ain't got as big a name as his pa,
but he cleaned up Tombstone.
And I'm sendin' for him
to be my deputy.
And when he gets here...
Destry will ride again.
[Laughter]
Hey, driver, how many times
do I have to tell you...
- to take it easy on those bumps?
- I got a schedule to keep.
- Pull in your neck.
- I'll pull a neck in,
but it won't be mine.
[Laughing]
You just wait 'til
we get to a stop.
[Woman] Oh, Jack,
leave the driver alone.
Trip's almost over.
I don't mind the bumps.
I do. If he don't take it easy,
I'll blow his head off.
Please don't mind
my brother, Mr Destry.
He's always threatening
to blow people's heads off.
I had a friend once.
His name was Stubbs.
He was always goin' around threatenin'
to blow people's heads off.
- One day, a fella came along
and took him up on it.
- Well?
Well, folks say that
now Stubbs' forehead...
is holdin' up the prettiest tombstone
in Green Lawn Cemetery.
Very funny.
I been handlin' cattle
around these parts for quite a spell...
and met some of the toughest
hombres they got...
and I'm still here.
This ain't no ornament.
Pretty good with it.
So was Stubbs.
Meaning just exactly what?
Well, I just mean you gotta be careful
who you meet up with.
You know, you got some pretty
peculiar ideas for a deputy sheriff.
- But they make sense.
- Oh, so I'm supposed to ride...
in this confounded contraption
gettin' bumped around like this...
- and grin like a baboon.
- Well, maybe you should take up
a hobby, like me.
You'd be surprised
the genuine rage you can work off...
just by carving
a little piece of wood.
Are you sure
your name is Destry?
Folks is always askin' me that.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
Little Joe
Little Joe
Whatever happened to him,
I don't know
Hey, boss, stage is a-comin'!
- How far away?
- On the upper ridge.
Oh, doggone it, doggone it.
Come here.
Gimme a hand.
- Is Destry really comin'?
- You're darn tootin' he is...
and when he gets here,
there will be a lot of folks a-goin'.
Come on. Put that
chair in place.
Here. There's a nickel for ya.
Jiminy, Wash.
You look like a real sheriff.
[Laughs]
I ain't got time to argue.
[Humming]
Lily Belle? Lily Belle?
- What you want?
- Coach is comin'.
Destry will be here any minute.
I ain't half finished his room yet.
Where's Callahan?
- Maybe he's in the saloon.
- Maybe? More than likely.
When you see that no-good
Russian lummox, tell him to get over here.
- I'll tell him. I'll tell him.
- Callahan!
Callahan!
How much have you got left?
- I tap you, Callahan.
- Please, Frenchy. I am not Callahan.
Callahan was my wife's
first husband, and he's dead.
I am Boris Alexanderovich Stavrogin,
and I like to be called by my name.
- All right, Callahan, what do you do?
- Deal.
- King. Ace. Can you b*at it?
- Is my credit good?
- No, no, not this time.
- Oh, please, Frenchy.
- Still want to bet, huh?
- Uh-huh.
All right.
Thirty bucks against your pants.
My pants? Oh, no.
- Thirty bucks, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
My pants. Thirty bucks.
Yee-ha-ha!
Here he comes, folks!
Stagecoach comin' around the bend!
Get ready, everybody!
Come on! Destry will be here any minute.
Kent, you better prepare yourself.
You're gonna meet a man.
Callahan! Callahan!
Scoot on home.
Lily Belle's lookin' for you.
- I'll be right back, Frenchy.
- Oh, I won't be here then.
- Then we can call it all off.
- No, no, no. You make up
your mind right now.
Oh. Oh, what to do,
what to do.
If I leave, I probably could have won
the pot and if I stay, I might lose it...
and if I don't go and help with the
baggage, my wife will skin me alive.
Oh, your wife will
skin you alive anyway.
Come on.
Maybe you've got me b*at.
Aha! I've been waiting
for you to tell me I've got you b*at...
so I would think I have not got
you b*at, but I personally know
I have got you b*at...
with my two kings
against your lonely ace.
Haven't I, Frenchy?
Thirty bucks
against your pants.
Oh, what to do, what to do.
[Speaking Russian]
[Cheering, g*nshots]
Come here, you.
[Laughing Loudly]
That's just a small sample of what you
buzzards are gonna get from now on.
- Welcome to Bottleneck, Tom. I'm Wash.
- Well, friend, I think...
- It's a pleasure, Mr Destry.
- You folks have made a
mistake. I'm Jack Tyndall.
- You ain't Destry?
- No, that's me.
You're Destry?
Folks is always askin' me...
Well, Wash, hello.
Haven't changed a bit. I'll be with ya
soon as I help the lady here.
[Laughter]
- Canary bird!
- Parasol.
[Laughing]
Put down that
dern bird, will ya?
Well, my mistake
was certainly a pardonable one.
How do you do, Mrs Destry?
- No, wrong again.
- Yes, I'm Janet Tyndall.
Oh, well, you'll be needin' rooms anyway.
I'll show ya across.
Oh, come on, Mr Destry. You'll be
wantin' a nice, strong cup of tea.
Tea?
[Laughing]
Tea for Destry? Are you crazy?
What he wants is some strong liquor.
Come on to the saloon.
You want a cup of tea?
[Laughing]
Oh, come on, Callahan.
I can't wait here all day.
Frenchy, have I got you b*at?
Why don't you
call me and find out?
I'll call.
I'll bet my pants.
Two aces.
I was right. Why didn't
I listen to myself?
Hand over those pants.
But, Frenchy, I can't.
It's undignified. Think of my position.
- I've met every king in Europe.
- Now you've met two aces in Bottleneck.
- Off with those pants.
- No, Frenchy, you really don't mean it.
- Get him, boys, get him.
- Ohh!
Everybody's laughin' at ya.
Tom, you made an impression in this town
that's gotta be eradicated right now.
Well, Wash, don't you think
them first impressions...
are darn fool things
to jump at, though?
Around here, you gotta jump first
or you don't live long.
- Where's the saloon?
- Down here. Come on.
What you were just sayin'
reminds me of a friend of mine.
He woke up in the middle of the night
and thought he saw...
a great big white hand comin' up at him
over the edge of the bed.
So he got his g*n out
from under his pillow and he aimed...
and he sh*t a great big hole
right through his own foot.
- No.
- Yeah. Now he shouldn't have gone...
by that first impression,
should he? Huh?
[Laughing]
Well, it was a darn fool...
Aw, come on.
Oh, that was just Callahan,
Lily Belle's husband.
Come along in here.
Meet the folks.
Well, folks, here he is.
I want ya all to meet my new deputy,
Thomas Jefferson Destry.
- Howdy, folks.
- Welcome to Bottleneck, Destry.
- My name's Kent.
- Howdy.
- And this is Slade, our mayor.
- How are you, sir?
Oh, Frenchy! Frenchy!
Oh, here's the gal you gotta meet.
[Laughing]
- This is Frenchy.
- Howdy, ma'am.
[Together]
How's the weather up there?
Yeah, yeah. Ah, come on.
You can do better than that.
[Wash] You know, Frenchy
is the real boss of Bottleneck.
- Oh, well, always like
to know who's boss.
- You'll find out.
Come on, everybody.
Have a drink on Callahan's pants.
[Cheering]
Mr Destry,
before we start drinking...
I think you and me ought
to come to an understanding.
Well, I'm all for folks
understanding each other.
- That's a mighty fine idea, Mr Kent.
- I'm glad you agree with me.
So I'll start by telling you
that I have a...
very peculiar hobby.
Uh-huh. So have I.
Mine's, uh, carving napkin rings.
What's yours?
Mine's collecting
deputy sheriff's g*ns.
Whenever I meet a new deputy,
I always ask him for his g*n.
And I ask him real nice.
Well, I'm sorry, Mr Kent.
I'm afraid this here is one g*n
your collection's gonna be minus.
- You mean I'm gonna have to take it?
- If you can.
Now hold on, hold on.
Don't get excited here.
I was just tryin' to tell ya
that I ain't got any g*ns.
See, if I woulda
had a g*n there...
why, one of us might have got hurt,
and it might have been me.
I wouldn't like that. Would I?
[Laughing]
Tweet-tweet! I'm a canary.
Where's my cage?
It's gettin' sunny.
Where's my parasol?
Folks, seems like we got a deputy
that knows what's good for him.
[Laughing]
If he don't carry a g*n,
he can't get into any trouble.
[Laughter]
And if anybody picks on you,
you come to Uncle.
- I'll remember that, Mr Kent.
- [Laughing]
What'll you have, Destry?
- Milk?
- Yeah, I think I will.
[Laughter]
I can see now
how you cleaned up Tombstone.
You can start right here.
And don't forget the corners.
Hey, you!
Gimme those pants. And from now on,
you leave my husband alone.
I don't want your husband,
Mrs Callahan.
All I want is his money.
- And his pants.
- And how'd you get 'em?
By makin' eyes at him while you cheat,
you... you gilded lily, you.
But Mrs Callahan, you know
that he would rather be cheated by me...
than married to you.
- What'd you say?
- You heard me.
That's what I thought ya said.
[Indistinct Yelling]
Come on, Frenchy!
Cowboy!
Ride 'em, cowboy!
Come on, Frenchy!
[Speaking Chinese]
Hang on and
get her scalp, Frenchy!
[Speaking Chinese]
Frenchy!
Ride 'em, cowboy!
Come on, Frenchy!
Come on, Frenchy!
Come on, Frenchy!
Frenchy!
Come on, Frenchy!
Come on, Frenchy!
[Laughter]
Scratch him!
Scratch him!
Come on, Frenchy!
That thing will go off!
- Look, will ya wait?
- Go, Frenchy!
- Wait. Will ya just...
- Come on, Frenchy!
Hey, Uncle!
Ride 'em, cowboy!
- Get him, Frenchy!
- Ride 'em, cowboy!
[Indistinct Yelling]
Come on, Frenchy!
Come on, Frenchy!
Hey, can't we talk this over?
Come on, Frenchy!
- Uh-oh.
- [Clang]
Used to play one of them.
Aw, now...
Now wait a minute, lady.
Don't you call me a lady!
Oh... Oh, now, now.
- Oh, now, you wouldn't...
- Come on, Frenchy!
Oh, you must be
plum tuckered out.
- My mistake.
- Get out before I k*ll ya.
- You mean you haven't been tryin'?
- Get out!
All right, all right, I'm leavin'.
You sure have a knack of makin'
a stranger feel right at home, ma'am.
Nice knowin' ya.
Who's buyin' me a drink?
- [Cheering]
- Gotta gal, gotta gal
with a Frenchy walk
Gotta gal, gotta gal
with a Frenchy talk
Goin' to France tonight
'cause you're my pal
Keep away
from the old corral
[Cheering]
Who's boss
of Bottleneck?
[All Cheering]
Frenchy!
I never thought
I'd live to see the day...
that Tom Destry's son would be
the laughing stock of the whole town.
Look that bad?
You won't be able to stick your nose out
of a door without everybody hootin' at ya.
- Well, them that wants
to hoot, let 'em hoot.
- You won't be hearin' it.
I told Mrs Callahan
you won't be needin' this room.
You're leaving
on the next coach.
I sort of like it here, Wash.
How you gonna face anybody after
what you took from Kent and Frenchy?
What did you expect
me to do?
I expected you to be like your pa;
come in a-blastin' behind sh**t' irons.
And what happened?
You didn't have any. Why?
- I don't believe in 'em.
- Huh? You did the last
time I heard about ya.
What in thunder's
come over ya since then?
Well, Wash...
My pa had these on
that day down in Tombstone...
but he got sh*t in the back.
Didn't seem to do him
much good, did they?
That's one reason
I don't believe in 'em.
What in tarnation
do ya believe in?
- Law and order.
- Without g*ns?
Without 'em.
Well, if that
don't b*at all let go.
Oh, Tom.
The reason they made me sheriff here
is because I was the town drunk.
They wanted someone they could
kick around, someone who
wouldn't ask questions.
But I was aimin' to fool 'em,
do things right, sendin' for you.
And now... you fooled me.
Well, you will fool 'em, Wash.
We'll fool 'em together.
- The only way to do that
is fill 'em full of lead.
- No, no.
What for?
You sh**t it out with 'em and for some
reason or other, I don't know why...
they get to look like heroes.
But you put 'em behind bars
and they'll look little and cheap...
the way they oughta look.
And it serves as a warnin'
for the rest of'em to keep away.
Oh, that won't work
here in Bottleneck.
You go on home...
and I'll go back
to bein' the town drunk.
- That's all I'm good for.
- Now, you're not goin' back
to bein' the town drunk...
and I'm gonna stay here
and do this job I come for.
My pa did it the old way,
and I'm gonna do it a new way.
And if I don't prove
to you that I'm right...
I'll get outta town
quick enough. Don't worry.
- But first, you got
to give me a chance, Wash.
- No.
- You've got to give me
a chance on this thing.
- No, no.
Now, come on. Come on,
swear me in, Sheriff.
- Well, raise your right hand.
- Yeah, there.
Do you, Thomas Jefferson Destry...
swear to uphold the law...
and serve your office and do your duty
and everything that goes with it?
I do. I do.
Here's your badge.
Don't let anybody see it.
Without g*ns.
- [g*nshots]
- [Cattle Mooing]
[g*nshots Continue]
Eli.
Eli, hurry.
See if you can sneak out the back way
and bring help as fast as you can.
- Be careful now, careful.
- All right, Ma.
Sister, get over there,
close to the wall.
You better give up, Claggett!
We're gonna get the ranch sooner or later!
[g*nshots]
Come and get it!
[g*nshots Continue]
- Nice hardware store, ain't it, Tom?
- Yeah.
- We got some fine-looking
bowie knives in there too.
- Yeah.
- You wouldn't be interested
in one of them, would ya?
- Nope.
No, I was afraid you wouldn't.
Oh, Tom, look here.
Look at this post.
Soaked through and through
with the blood of Sawtooth McGee.
Yeah, he objected to a petticoat
his neighbour's wife was wearing...
and they fit to a draw.
Both buried in the same grave.
- Sawtooth and the petticoat.
- No, Sawtooth and the neighbour
and four innocent bystanders.
Now, you gotta listen
to reason or get outta town.
Aw, I think I'll stick around.
You know, I had a friend once
used to collect postage stamps.
He always said the one good thing
about a postage stamp...
It always sticks to one thing
'til it gets there. I'm like that.
Hey, Wash, wait.
- Here. I got somethin' for ya.
- I ain't expectin' nothin'.
- Folks think I'm gonna nurse
their livestock, they're crazy.
- What is it?
- Appears to be rabbits.
Mighty big family there.
- Who sent for them?
Sheriff Keogh.
I got to get 'em off my hands.
When that crate come,
there was only two. Now count 'em.
- Well, rabbits is like that.
- You can have 'em.
- Say, uh, where did Sheriff Keogh go?
- I don't know nothin'.
[g*nshots]
Hold on there.
Hold on now.
You fellas gettin'
kind of playful, ain't ya?
- What about it?
- Careful, Creepy. That's No g*n Destry.
Oh. [Laughing]
Well, that's pretty good sh**t'.
Must be good g*ns.
You care if I heft 'em?
Guess you can't hurt yourself any
just liftin' 'em...
but be careful.
They're loaded.
Nice weight.
Yeah.
Now aside from being
nice ornaments...
a fella can have a whole lot of harmless
amusement outta these here toys.
Yeah, take for instance
them knobs on top of that sign.
They're all right.
All right.
Now the next time you fellas
start any of this here...
promiscuous sh**t' around the streets,
you're gonna land in jail, understand?
- Sure.
- Sure.
- All right.
- We was just havin' a little fun, Deputy.
- All right.
Come on, Wash.
I can't believe my eyes.
I ain't seen sh**t' like that since
Bat Masterson k*lled that Paiute chief.
22 of'em. Wash,
we gotta do somethin' here.
And you been walkin' around here
actually condemning the use of firearms.
- Where'd you say Sheriff Keogh went?
- I didn't say.
He certainly left his
papers in a mess.
'Tain't 'cause you're a coward,
'cause I know ya ain't.
- Private papers, too.
- Now listen, my son.
I'm an older man than you are.
I was an old friend of your pa's.
When we was together...
- He forgets his rabbits.
He forgets all these papers.
- Rabbits is easy to forget.
- Yeah, but gold ain't.
- Ohh!
I don't care what
you find out, blast it!
I ain't seen nothin' like you
since the last time I was drunk...
and them green snakes
and pink buffalos...
I can account for them, but you...
You've got to listen to me.
All right, Wash,
now what's on your mind?
As though I ain't
been tryin' to tell ya.
- You've got to behave like
I expect ya to behave.
- Where's the sheriff?
He's outta town.
And when l...
- Wait a minute. That's me.
- Some men come to take our ranch...
and they're sh**t'
at Ma and Pa.
You hear that? sh**t' goin' on
in this town all the time.
- Come on, hurry!
- What do ya want me for? Oh, sure, sure.
Sure.
Let's see your g*n, son.
Doggone near as big
as you are, isn't it?
- You're Thomas Jefferson Destry,
ain't ya?
- That's right.
- I'm Eli Whitney Claggett.
- Well, glad to know ya.
Howdy. Gosh, I've heard about you
and your pa all my life.
Whenever we play sheriffs
and Injuns, I'm always your pa.
Couldn't do better, son.
Gosh, I bet you've k*lled a lot of men
in the course of duty.
- Get goin', son. I'll be right with ya.
- How 'bout me handling it?
- Gosh, yeah, you can use it.
- All right.
You see, Tom.
Even that little kid...
Reminds me of a kid
I used to know.
He done in both his
pa and ma with a crowbar.
- No.
- Yes, he did.
Now the judge said to him,
"Do ya got anything to say for yourself?"
And the kid said, "Well, I just hope
that Your Honour has some regard...
for the feelin's
of a poor orphan."
[Chuckling]
You know, that reminds...
Oh, why don't you go back to Omaha?
- I'm goin' along with you.
- What in tarnation for?
- See you don't get hurt.
- See l...
[Grunting]
See I don't get...
[Wash]
Stop that sh**t'!
Hold your fire, Lem.
Here's Eli back with the law.
Say, what do you
think you're doin'?
I told you we were gonna have respect
for law and order...
- and I ain't makin' no exceptions.
- That's fine, Sheriff.
- Get those people outta my house.
- Your house?
That's Claggett's property,
and he ain't gonna sell to nobody.
- Maybe you better take a look...
- I ain't interested.
You mosey on outta here
before I start blastin'!
- And I mean every word of it.
- Ouch!
There was a big bee about that big
right on the back of your neck.
- I got him, though.
- Thanks.
- Now look here...
- Hold on, hold on. Just a minute.
Mr Kent, could I
see that paper?
You wait here while
I talk to Claggett.
What do you want
to see Claggett for?
Him's the man I want to put off this...
Who's the sheriff around here?
I tell ya. You ain't gonna do this
to us, mister.
We ain't givin' up
what we worked ten years to get.
Ma'am, I'd sooner hang that crowd
out there to the nearest tree...
than let 'em have this ranch,
but that paper your husband signed...
gives 'em a legal right to it.
Don't it, Wash?
Sure, it does.
The way we're operatin' now.
But I told you what
that woman did to me.
The game was as crooked
as a hog's tail.
I don't doubt that,
but it's your word against theirs.
That don't hold up in court.
Why, they'd swear themselves
blue in the face agin' ya.
- Afraid you folks are over a barrel.
- Fine goin's on...
- when the law takes the side of cheats.
- Yeah.
Well, I'm sorry, ma'am...
but that's about all we can do
for you right now.
You folks stick around town.
We'll get this ranch back for ya.
Yeah. That's just what
Keogh said...
but we're still a-losin'it.
- Keogh?
- Uh, he couldn't do nothin' about it.
Everybody knows that
he left town sudden.
Yeah, I'll bet he did.
I'll bet he did.
Here's a present for ya.
Wash, you, uh,
stay around here...
- and see that these folks
get their stuff together.
- What are you aimin' to do?
Get better acquainted
with the enemy.
Just don't stick your nose
into a keg of dynamite.
'Tain't dynamite.
It's poker and coffee...
that's preyin'
on my mind right now.
[Door Slams]
Ohh.
- Well, what about it?
- No trouble at all, Kent.
The place is yours.
They're packin' up now.
Well, thanks, Destry.
I can see you and me
are gonna get along fine.
Well, we gotta enforce
the law, don't we?
[Laughing]
We sure do. We sure do.
No two ways about it, huh?
[Laughing]
And I thought he was dumb.
[Cows Mooing]
Hyah! Hyah!
There's a hole
in the bottom of the sea
- There's a hole
in the bottom of the...
- [Knock At Door]
Sea
There's a hole
there's a hole
There's a hole
there's a hole
There's a hole in the...
Well, sh**t me for a duck.
If it ain't the water man!
Nothin' like havin' a reputation.
Would ya tell Miss Frenchy
I'd appreciate seeing her...
- on some official business?
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
You wait right there.
Miss Frenchy,
the water man's here...
on fishy business.
What are you talking about?
Oh.
Now hold on, ma'am.
Don't start throwin' anything.
- I just come over here to apologize.
- Apologize for what?
For not knowin'
who's the real boss of Bottleneck.
- My coffee, Clara.
- Don't let me interfere
with your dinner, ma'am.
It's breakfast.
Breakfast, huh?
Kinda late in the day
for breakfast, isn't it?
Mind if I, uh, sorta sit down
and visit for a while?
- Suit yourself.
- Thank you.
- Does he get some?
- I don't mind if I do join you in a cup.
That's what I was hopin' for...
a chance to get neighbourly.
- So you found out what's
good for yourself, huh?
- I came here to do a certain job...
and I figured I'd better start usin'
a little horse sense, you know?
'Course I coulda come bargin' in here
with all sorts of remarks...
like, uh... couple of rumours
I just heard about you.
That you not only sing
down at that saloon...
but you also take part
in crooked poker games...
cheatin' folks
out of their ranches.
- Who said that?
- Oh, it's just a rumour,
of course, you know.
It ain't true.
Anybody with half an eye could see...
that you wouldn't be party
to any action like that.
I'll take that. I wouldn't want
to have this coffee spilt in my lap.
Just what are you getting at?
Well, when you have hot coffee
spilt in your lap, you sorta...
get up quick
and turn your back and...
never know what's
gonna happen, do ya?
- Now you get out! Get out! Clara!
- All right. All right.
- I'm comin'!
- Hold your fire.
Hold your fire. I'm goin'.
I've seen hundreds like you,
from Jacksonville to Sacramento.
You all think easy pickin's
will last forever.
- Mind your own business.
You're heading for trouble.
- Trouble is my business.
You'll have plenty from me.
I do as I like, understand?
- Anyone who gets in my way
is taken care of.
- Like Keogh.
Yes, just like that.
That's what I thought.
- What are you going to do?
- Don't get scared.
I'm not scared of anything.
You get out of town...
- before it's too late for you.
- I don't think you're half
as bad as you make out to be.
- Never mind what I am.
- No.
Now, I bet you got kind of a lovely face
under all that paint there.
Why don't you wipe it off someday
and have a good look.
Figure out how
you can live up to it.
[Clara] That's the
peculiarest-actin'man...
I ever did see.
But he's got personality.
Mmm. He sure has.
[Indistinct Chatter]
- What's that thing?
- It's one of the new chamois skins.
- Takes the shine off your nose.
- Land sakes! What'll they...
Look, girls.
Look at that.
Chamois skins.
Takes the shine off your nose, she says.
Look! Isn't that lovely?
You should've seen
the parasol that came with it.
- About the size of a pie.
- Ohh! It must've been darling.
Make the most of it today.
Everybody in town'll copy it tomorrow.
Including your wildcat friend
across the street.
I'd like to make a dress for her:
Half tar, half feathers.
You came out on the coach with Mr Destry.
What's your opinion of him?
I know a little about him.
Apparently very nice.
Certainly different from the rest
of the men you meet out in this country.
I'll say he's different.
'Course I may be a little prejudiced.
After all, it's kinda hard
to judge character...
- through eight gallons of water.
- [Knocking]
Mrs Callahan, may I speak to you
just a moment, please?
Certainly, Mr Loupgerou.
Come right in.
That is a little bit impossible.
Would you please
come over here?
- Uh, excuse me, girls.
- Certainly.
- What's the matter?
- Prunes every day
for breakfast I don't mind.
Torn sheets
I've got used to.
- But pants, I cannot swallow.
- What are you talkin' about?
- Pants. Mine are gone.
- Oh.
Oh!
[Embarrassed Chuckling]
Don't go away!
Boris.
- Ouch!
- Take off them pants.
Ohh.
Listen here, my little sugar plum,
y'all can't do this to me.
I'll "y'all" you, you misfit cossack you.
Take off them pants.
Now listen, Lily "Bellichka"...
I can't keep goin' around
without pants.
You ain't goin' around.
Take off them pants.
Oh, how can I learn
to be a cowboy...
- if you won't let me go out and gamble?
- A fine gambler you are.
You oughta be ashamed of yourself,
losin' your pants.
Callahan...
may he rest in peace...
- [Speaking Russian]
- What? Well, he may
have had his faults...
- but at least when he gambled, he won.
- I'm sick of Callahan!
I'm sick of hearing his name!
Worse, I'm sick of wearing his name!
All I want to do is to be a cowboy
and wear my own pants.
Well, you won't get 'em.
Just sit there and gaze on them features.
Let 'em be a lesson
and a guidin' star to ya.
[Door Slams]
Ai yi yi.
[Speaking Russian]
Here's your pants. Please watch them
a little closer after this.
You watch your husband.
I'll watch my pants.
- [Woman] Mrs Callahan!
- Whoa! Ohh!
- Mrs Callahan! Aah!
- [Gasp]
Oh, my land, Mrs Drewitt.
You look like you'd seen a ghost.
Sophie and Lem Claggett
are outside.
- That no-good Kent has
put 'em out of their home.
- Oh!
[Indistinct Chatter]
[Sophie] We'd have been all right
if we'd kept on sh**t'...
- instead of sendin' for him!
- They had the law on their side!
The law! I got something to say
about that.
It's none of your affair.
Kent's got ahold of
every ranch in the valley...
and he wants to charge two bits
for every head of cattle.
All you men do is talk...
and when the time comes,
you do what Kent says.
Lily Belle, maybe Destry
knows what he's a-doin'.
It's time the decent people
of this town got rid of them hoodlums.
Start in with that
watery-eyed sheriff...
and that g*n-shy,
lady-fingered deputy of his.
I heard what you just said, Tyndall.
Comin'down the street here.
- What are you gonna do about it?
- The first thing we'd better do...
is ask Mrs Callahan
if she'll take care of the Claggetts.
- Don't turn your back on me, you.
- Jack, please.
I ain't one of your
weak-livered citizens...
and I ain't gonna pay
Kent's fancy prices.
Now what do you aim to do?
- Nothin' at present.
- That's what I thought.
I'll get somethin' done,
if I have to take the law in my own hands!
Nobody's gonna set themselves up
above the law around here, ya understand?
I got somethin' to say to you.
Maybe I could illustrate it better
if I told you a story.
I used to have a friend
that was an opry singer...
but he went into
the cement business.
One day, he fell into the cement.
And now he's the cornerstone
of the post office in St. Louis, Missouri.
He shoulda stuck
to his own trade.
You'd better stick to yours.
That fella Tyndall is gonna make trouble,
sure as I'm standin' here.
- What are we gonna do?
- What do you say we get ready for supper?
- How can you talk of eatin'
at a time like this?
- 'Cause I'm hungry.
'Cause you're hungry.
I suppose I'm supposed
to stand he... Ohh!
- Uh...
- Well.
- Believe it or not,
I'm waiting for a stagecoach.
- Uh-huh.
What are my pants
doing on your legs?
These are the legs
of a Stavrogin of Bardichev.
Let your pants remain on them
and earn their gratitude.
- Refuse and take their curse.
- I think I'll take
both the curse and the pants.
- Oh.
- Well, take 'em off.
- You mean, right now?
- Yeah, right now.
The whole world's against me.
Uh, wait a minute.
Might make a deal with you. How well
do you know this country around here?
Oh! Like a field mouse.
I know every inch, every pebble.
There isn't a twig,
bird or a tree that...
I'll give you the pants
if you do a job for me.
Agreed! What can I lose?
Only the job! Command me!
- I want you to find something for me.
- I'm a weasel, I'm a hawk.
- I've got the memory of an elephant.
- I don't need the whole menagerie.
All I need is one human bloodhound
who can keep his mouth shut.
I'll be your bloodhound,
sniffing and silent. What's missing?
The body of Sheriff Keogh.
Take back your pants.
What do you want to find
the body of Keogh for?
We can't prove a m*rder's been done
if we can't produce a corpus delicti.
Corpus delicti.
I thought you were lookin' for Keogh.
Boris is gonna make
a very good second deputy.
Sure! I might as well have
two loony deputies as one!
A deputy!
Deputy Stavrogin!
Observe my brain in action!
Where would I go
if I were a dead body?
Would I stay out in the open?
No. No privacy.
- Wouldn't go in the river
if you can't swim.
- Oh.
Why didn't I stay in the gutter
where I was well-off?
That's right! Would I go under the ground?
No, there's no future in it!
- Miss Frenchy, honey,
you know that blue dress?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, you can't wear it no more.
It's got beer on it.
- All right, you can have it,
if it fits you.
- It does.
[Door Opens]
- Now, Mr Kent, if you're
mad at me about your...
- Shut up!
- Did you have any callers
at the house today?
- Men, women or children?
Start acting smart and I'll
slap you around. Did ya or didn't ya?
- Who, for instance?
- Destry, for instance.
- Why not?
- When I ask a question,
I like a direct answer.
- What was the conversation?
- All of it?
- All of it.
- Well, let me see. I said hello.
No, he said hello.
Then I said, won't you sit down...
- and then he said...
- What did he come for?
Get to that part quick!
- Because he's a gentleman.
- That's a lie.
- I could prove it to anybody but you.
- Are you actin' smart?
- He came to apologize.
- Is that all?
That's all he had time for.
He was in a hurry to go.
Just like you are... now.
If I ever catch you
stackin' 'em on me...
I'll personally
put the lights out...
then I won't know you from
anyone else in the game.
My, my, hejust ain't got...
no personality at all, is he?
- Where you goin; Miss Frenchy?
- I'm going outside and see
what fresh air smells like.
[Piano Plays]
Watch close and follow
any of that g*ng that comes out.
- I don't get you.
- All right, we can't find
the missing body, can we?
The next best thing is to have
the missing body find us.
- Oh.
- Keep your eyes open.
Oh, when I was a deputy,
I could think.
Now I'm sheriff,
I'm all fuddled.
You're fuddled,
I'm fuddled, he's fuddled.
Let's go home! Please!
Take your hands off of me
and do as you're told.
He knows what he's doin'.
[Frenchy]
Got a match?
Hello there. Sure.
- What, have you been
throwin' things again?
- How did you know?
I read a book once that said
women always look their best...
in the peace and quiet that
follows a storm of v*olence.
That's pretty good.
Would've been much nicer
if you'd thought of that yourself.
Well, as a matter of fact, I did.
- Going in the saloon?
- Yeah.
- Business or pleasure?
- Business.
So you won't take
my advice, huh?
You mean leave town now?
I'm just beginning to like it.
Take my rabbit's foot.
Keep away from dark corners.
I see now
why you don't need g*ns...
and why I can't get
my cattle through.
Let me tell you somethin', Destry.
Nobody's gonna rob me.
I'm takin' 'em through
in spite of you, Kent, or anybody else.
Oh, I wouldn't do that
if I were you.
You know, that's trespassin'.
You're cuttin' in on Kent
two or three different ways, aren't ya?
Whoopee! Quiet.
You'll live.
Evenin', Mayor Slade.
Sorta hopin' to find you here.
- I'd like to have
a little private talk with ya.
- Sit down, son.
Now... you have me
surrounded here, huh?
What's on your mind?
Mayor, I don't think we're gettin' the
kind of cooperation we should be gettin'.
- No? Your move.
- Oh.
Let's see, uh... there.
No, I, uh...
I don't think it's Wash and me.
- 'Course it might be.
- Hmm.
- But, uh...
- Crown that.
Oh.
Seems every time we ask a question,
folks either shut up...
or walk away
like they'd never heard us.
My guess is they just don't
cotton to their sheriffs.
Uh-huh.
Well, you're probably right.
Looks like I'm gonna
take one of your men.
Evidently Sheriff Keogh
wasn't very popular either.
Was he?
Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.
You oughta
jump me here.
Every time
I mention his name...
it's sorta like I was
talkin' about a ghost.
Crown that.
[Orchestra]
[g*nsh*t]
I don't wanna miss this.
I'll finish with you later.
[Clicking]
- Everybody thirsty?
- [Cowboys] Yeah!
Bartender!
[Orchestra Begins]
See what the boys in
the back room will have
And tell them
I'm having the same
Go see what the boys in
the back room will have
And give them
the poison they name
And when I die
don't spend my money
On flowers and my picture
in a frame
Just see what the boys in
the back room will have
And tell them I sighed
And tell them I cried
And tell them I d*ed
of the same
And when I die
don't buy a casket
Of silver with
the candles all aflame
Just see what the boys in
the back room will have
And tell them I sighed
- And tell them I cried
- [Laughing]
And tell them I d*ed
of the same
And when I die
don't pay the preacher
For speaking of my glory
and my fame
Just see what the boys in
the back room will have
And tell them I sighed
- And tell them I cried
- [Laughing]
And tell them I d*ed
of the same
- Yeee-ahooo!
- [Wild Applause]
The Mayor tells me
you've been asking around about Keogh.
We figured as long
as we had a sheriff's office...
we might as well
do something.
- If I was you...
- I'll be back in just a minute.
- Now, I liked that.
- Good. Then you can buy me a drink, huh?
- Fine.
- That's all for now, boys.
- That's the idea of the song:
Get me a free drink.
- I sorta gathered that.
- You liked it, huh?
- Yeah, it was all right!
- I'll sing it again for you.
Hit the music!
- I'm telling you now:
Keogh left town.
Yeah, well,
that's what I say.
Then again we thought he
maybe left somethin' behind.
You know,
like a body, maybe.
Oh, of course, of course.
Naturally, you couldn't
prove no case without one, could ya?
That's right, Mayor,
that's right.
But suppose we knew
where there was one?
It's in pretty good
condition too.
That's a fine, lively conversation
when a lady wants a drink.
- Come on, take me over to the bar.
- You stay where you are.
I haven't settled up
with Destry yet...
about that big favour
he did me at the ranch.
That calls for some wine.
The best.
Sit down.
Well, that's mighty nice
of Mr Kent.
Sit down
and have some wine.
Ice up some of that wine,
send it over to the table.
[Quietly] Run out to the place,
see if it's gone.
- Hurry it up, will ya?
- I bet if the thing's gone,
Destry's in on it.
If he is, can I personally slap him
in the mouth with my p*stol?
- Wouldn't want to hit
a dead man, would ya?
- Yeah... No!
Well, I don't know.
Uh-oh.
Now!
That fella Kent reminds me
of a friend of mine in Kansas City.
He was a great wine drinker.
Every time he'd come into town
with a new load of stock...
he'd rush right
into the first saloon.
I had a friend in Louisiana like that.
Only every time he came to town
he went to the nearest oyster house.
Eat a hundred oysters.
I'm sorry.
I interrupted you.
Well, I don't think
there's much point to my story.
A hundred oysters?
And everybody told
this friend of mine...
not to eat oysters in July,
but he wouldn't listen.
What's the point to that?
He found a pearl...
that big.
- Oh, that's good.
- No, it was bad. The oyster, I mean.
k*lled him.
Who got the pearl?
I did.
Will you stop
chewing that tobacco?
[Indistinct
Square Dance Calling]
[Square Dance Caller]
Everybody!
[Square Dance Caller
Continues]
Better go easy on this stuff
if I wanna do any sheriffin' tomorrow.
Might take the day off.
Eh, Mayor?
Might.
Might as well go
the whole hog.
How about you and me
havin' a dance together, Frenchy?
Oh. All right, Kent?
- Sure. Go right ahead.
- Come on.
[Indistinct
Square Dance Calling]
I warned you.
- I still have the rabbit's foot.
- You're going to need it.
- Is it a big, strong rabbit?
- I hope so.
[Music, Dance Calling Stops]
Just a minute, folks!
I hate to interrupt
the festivities like this...
but I got official business.
You know, Wash...
I mean, the sheriff and me...
have been pestering you
with a lot of questions...
- about the former sheriff Keogh.
- [Crowd Murmuring]
And we... Now, hold on.
Don't go away.
We ain't gonna ask
no more questions...
because Wash has
just found the answer.
And, uh, one other thing.
All the relatives
and friends of Gyp Watson...
are hereby notified that
he's over in thejail...
charged with m*rder.
That's all.
- My brother didn't have
nothin' to do with it!
- Who did?
Well, I'll tell you who...
- I thought you were
through askin' questions.
- Now, don't get excited.
- He's not hanged yet.
- And he ain't gonna be.
- You get over there and turn him loose.
- I can't do that until after the trial.
Maybe by then he can explain
what he was doin'...
- when the sheriff
found him with the body.
- Oh.
I'm sure Kent didn't know
you had evidence like that, Deputy.
I think we got
a pretty good case, Mayor.
- Darned near airtight, I'd say.
- Hmm.
Well, that's mighty fine work.
And just to make sure that there won't be
no miscarriage of justice...
as chief magistrate...
I'm gonna try this case myself.
Oh.
And all you citizens
here present...
please report to my office tomorrow
so we can select a jury.
Everything's
going to be regular.
- Very regular.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, well, thanks, Mayor.
But I'd better call you
Judge now, hadn't I?
I sorta had a feeling
I could count on you.
- Anytime, son. Anytime.
- Yeah, all right.
- Thanks for the wine, Kent.
- It's all right.
Frenchy.
Thanks for the, uh... dance.
Pretty good rabbit.
[Cattle Mooing]
Ready to start bringin'
my cattle through.
- Do I pay you off?
- That's what I'm here for.
- How many head you got?
- Oh, around 1 O, OOO, I reckon.
Let's see.
At two bits a head, that's $2,5OO.
Yeah. I'll pay you
for the whole bunch right now.
- [g*nsh*t]
- [Cattle Mooing]
I don't care
what the law says.
I brought those cattle through,
I didn't pay a penny...
I ain't gonna pay,
and nobody's gonna make me!
Jack Tyndall, you're the most stubborn,
ornery, mule-headed...
- Self-opinionated's a good word.
- Self-opinionated bully
I ever saw or heard of.
Hey, lady, can't you call him
all them names without bein' so noisy?
- I'm tryin' to sleep.
- Gyp, it ain't polite to
interfere with family quarrels.
Now, go right ahead,
Miss Tyndall.
It's like talking to a stone wall.
I give up.
Well, that's too bad.
Sheriffin's getting to be
quite a problem around here.
He won't talk,
he won't listen.
If your brother doesn't pay
that $2,5OO he owes to Kent...
- I don't know what's gonna happen to him.
- Nothing's gonna happen to me.
I can take care of myself.
Lot of things are gonna
happen around this town, though.
You could sue
and recover the money.
Sue Kent with Slade on the bench?
You must think I'm awful dumb.
- Ain't it the truth.
- I won't pay a plug nickel now or ever.
All right, I give up.
I give up.
Miss Tyndall, I want to
thank you for coming here...
and tryin' to help out.
We'll, uh... we'll all
be here for quite some time...
so just feel free to
drop over any time at all.
- Matter of fact, I hope you will.
- It's here! It's here!
I got it! I got it! I got the letter...
Oh, excuse me.
In my pocket.
Oh, hello, Miss Tyndall.
- Aren't you pretty.
- Hello, Mr Callahan.
Here's your fodder.
[Gyp]
Cheese. Cheese!
Cheese for breakfast,
cheese for lunch!
Tell my brother to stop
sending me cheese!
- I ain't no mouse!
- [Boris] I tell him.
- This may change his mind. Tyndall!
- Yeah?
Read that.
Now maybe you can understand
why I want you to pay Kent the money.
If you can keep from gettin'
your fool head sh*t off...
until that judge gets here...
I can get my m*rder*r
and you can get your money back.
All right.
I'll go pay him now.
Well, now we're
gettin' somewhere.
Uh, hold on now.
You might run into
some trouble over there.
- We'd better send Boris.
- Command me! Nothing can
tempt me from my duty.
Where are we gonna
pick up the money?
- Wells Fargo.
- As soon as you get the money...
give it to Kent with Tyndall's
compliments, and get a receipt.
Yes, mon commandant.
I am a courier, fast as lightning...
silent as the night itself.
[Gyp]
And no more cheese.
[Mayor] According to the provisions
of the statutes...
of our territorial
commonwealth...
you have been selected
as representative citizens...
of our fair community.
We want to see that
the public's faith is justified.
So when you boys retire
to consider a verdict...
stay out for a while.
Kent will see that
you're plentifully provided...
with liquid refreshment.
And after you've
deliberated sufficient...
weighed all the evidence
fair and square...
and brought in a verdict
of not guilty...
you'll be amply rewarded,
y'understand?
- Okay, boss.
- We gotcha, Mayor.
That's all.
Drinks on the house.
[Indistinct Chatter]
- Mr Kent.
- Well, what do you want?
Uh, nothing. That is,
I was sent to deliver...
$2,5OO in cash,
compliments of Mr Tyndall.
He's gettin' smart
to himself, huh?
Mr Destry had something
to do with this, didn't he?
I'm a mummy, I'm a sphinx.
I don't answer questions.
- [Chuckling] Let's have the money.
- First sign the receipt.
- What?
- That is, if you don't mind. Please?
- Give me that money.
- It's a mighty fine thing when
a man realizes he's wrong...
and tries to correct it
in a nice way.
Give it to him, Kent.
I see we've got some very intelligent
peace officers in this town, Stavrogin.
I'm trying to live up to
the blood of my forefathers.
[Mayor] Not like Tyndall
to give in so easy.
Hey, you. You keepin'
my brother comfortable?
- He's very delicate.
- He's doing as well as can be expected.
- But he told me to tell you,
no more cheese.
- Did he say that?
- I'm quoting his every word.
- Gee, that's bad if he
don't want no more cheese.
- They're not gonna hang him, are they?
- That is not up to me.
- It's up to Judge Murtaugh.
- That's good.
Judge Murtaugh? H...
Hey, Mayor,
who is this Judge Murtaugh?
What's he got to do
with my brother?
- Clara!
- Yes'm, Miss Frenchy?
- Go tell Mr Destry I want
to see him right away.
- Is somethin' the matter?
- Will you go?
- I'm gone.
- Hey, you.
- [Snoring]
[Banging Continues]
Oh, you.
What do you want now?
[Gyp] I want beer,
but I'll take water.
Why is it you always get thirsty
when I get to sleep?
I ain't answering nobody
nothin' 'til I see my lawyer.
Do I get the water
or don't I?
I'll give you water,
you varmint you!
- Now, Wash, hold up now.
- Oh, please!
- No, no, no.
- Oh, you're always coddling 'em.
We gotta keep him
good and healthy.
You better keep me good and healthy.
That's the law.
Yes, sir.
Wouldn't want to hang
a sick man... would we?
You still think
you're gonna hang me?
You think you're gonna get out of it
because you're innocent?
- I ain't sayin' who's innocent
or who's guilty.
- Uh-huh.
Well, I always say you got to admire a man
who'd get himself hanged for a friend.
- I used to know a fella once...
- You know too many fellas.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I'll hang this up here.
Wash can get some sleep.
Here's good health to ya.
[Yawning]
Oh, God.
I ain't gonna have
a goodnight's rest...
until that federal judge
gets here.
Why don't you go home?
I'll entertain our guest.
No siree, I'm gonna sit up
with that two-legged cactus...
and pour water into him
until lilies sprout out of both his ears.
Be a very interesting sight.
Tom...
- do you think this is gonna work out?
- Sure it's gonna work.
Now you see, either Gyp or his brother
are gonna tell us a lot...
as soon as they find out
Slade ain't gonna be on the bench.
- Yeah. Uh-huh. [Yawning]
- You understand?
Oh, yeah.
I think this old town's gonna settle down
into something pretty peaceful...
- one of these days.
- [Banging On Window]
- What's that?
- [Banging Continues]
- Somebody at the window there.
- Here.
Nah, we settled that.
I'll be right behind you
in case you're wrong.
Miss Frenchy say
she want to see you right away.
- She says it's very important.
- All right.
- Listen, Tom, l...
- You hold the fort, Wash.
Don't worry none about me.
I will.
- Good evening.
- Nice of you to come.
- The maid said it was important, so I...
- It is.
- That's all, Clara.
- Yes'm.
Sit down.
Drink?
All right.
- What's the trouble?
- Trouble? There's no trouble.
I'm leaving town,
and I wanted to see you before I left.
Well, that's pretty sudden, ain't it?
Did something happen between
you and... I mean...
- You and the dance hall
decide to part company?
- No, nothing has happened.
I'm tired of Bottleneck, the whole crowd
and everything I've been doing.
- So I'm going back to New Orleans.
- Uh-huh.
Well, folks are all
gonna miss you around here.
All except a few wives,
I suppose.
What about you?
Me too.
- Well, good luck.
- [Glasses Clink]
- Hope you have a nice trip.
- Thanks.
Speakin' of luck, thanks
for the use of your rabbit's foot.
No, I want you to keep that.
Well, that's darn nice of you.
It's been a great help, you know.
I think I'd better get
back to the job.
Goodbye, Frenchy.
Ever been
to New Orleans, Tom?
No.
It's wonderful
this time of the year.
You'd like it there.
How about it?
[g*nshots]
No, Tom,
you can't go out there!
They know about
the federal judge!
They'll k*ll you if you go down
to the jail! Stay here, Tom!
They'll k*ll you if you go down
to the jail! Stay here, Tom!
- Hey, Wash.
- Well, Tom, they came.
- I was...
- No, now, don't do any talkin' now.
- Just rest.
- I'll talk if I wanna.
For a little while, anyway.
- All right, go on and talk.
- Heh-heh.
I bet you knew a fella once
who did something like...
falling asleep when he oughta have
kept awake, didn't ya?
- Huh?
- Well, uh...
Yeah, I...
I knew a fella.
Lived down around Wichita. He...
- He was a sort of...
- [Groaning]
- Does it hurt?
- Ohh! Don't hurt much...
but it makes me
so doggonned... Aah!
- Wash. Wash.
- [Groaning]
Uh, well, go on.
Go on.
What happened to the fella
in Wichita?
Oh, uh...
Oh, well, h-he...
H-he was a, uh...
Oh, a... great, big, green
sort of a punkin' roller...
you know, and...
and h-h-hejust...
[Laughing]
This better be good.
Yeah.
We-well, you see, he, uh...
tried to keep awake
one night...
when he was gonna catch a stage
to a nearby town and he...
he had a girl over there
he was courtin' and...
[Chuckles] Man must be
an awful fool to get sh*t in the back.
If I'd just...
Wait a minute, Wash.
Now wait a minute.
You know, that's how
they sh*t my father.
They didn't dare
face him either.
They didn't give us
a chance, did they?
- No.
- Oh, I'm sleepy.
Plumb tuckered out.
That Gyp has kept me
awake... too much.
Got some men that'll
back you up, Destry.
All right.
Let's get down to the corral.
Why do you just stand here
like sheep?
- Why don't you stop them?
- Go back where you belong.
- Wherever I belong, I don't pretend.
- You shut your mouth.
I wouldn't wait around for my man
to get k*lled without doing something.
- Will you get out of here!
- Wait a minute!
- What can we do?
- I'll tell you what you can do.
Let me go.
[Indistinct Chatter]
They're gatherin'
at the corral!
Barricade the doors!
Chairs, tables, up against the windows!
[Indistinct Shouting]
[Indistinct]
- As soon as the powder goes off,
come out quick with the wagons.
- All right.
[g*nshots]
Get that barricade up, will ya!
[g*nf*re]
Are you women crazy?
Get back!
Get out of the way,
you women!
Get back! Back!
- You can't do that!
- [Indistinct Shouting]
Ladies, you can't do this!
It ain't legal! L...
Ladies, ladies!
This constitutes rioting...
Look out, Tom! Tom!
Tom!
[Indistinct Shouting]
Look out, Tom!
Look out, Tom! Tom!
- Look out, Tom! Look out!
- [g*nsh*t]
[g*nsh*t]
Frenchy!
Frenchy!
Oh... Tom.
[Gasping]
Tom. Oh, Tom...
[Crying]
Would you kiss a fellow
goodbye?
[Cows Mooing]
- Good morning, Tom.
- Good morning, Charlie.
- Fine day.
- Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
- Howdy, Tom.
- Howdy, Hank.
Howdy, Hank.
- Don't forget Sunday, Tom.
- I'll be there.
We'll be there.
- [Blowing]
- [Blowing]
Eli, you ever hear the story
about Sawtooth McGee?
- Right at that post there he...
- You mean the one...
- where he fit his neighbour
into a draw over a petticoat?
- Yeah, that's the one.
Aw, everybody's heard that one.
- Wash sure could make 'em up,
couldn't he?
- Yep.
- Morning, Tom.
- Morning.
- Morning.
Did he tell you the one where he stopped
a tribe of Injuns single-handed?
- I guess I missed that one.
- It was like this:
He was off scoutin'
one morning...
- LittleJoe, LittleJoe
- and he come face to face
with a whole tribe of Injuns.
- He didn't have nothin' on him
except his bowie Kn*fe.
- [Children Continue Singing]
Sure did like his liquor and
it would've got his ticker
- But the sheriff got him quicker
- [All] Yahoo!
- LittleJoe
- LittleJoe!
- LittleJoe
- LittleJoe!
- Oh, whatever's become of him
I don't know
- She don't know!
Oh, he sure did like his liquor
and it would've got his ticker
- But the sheriff got him quicker
- [All] Yahoo!
Oh! Tom!
- What's the trouble?
- Boris! Miss Callahan!
- [Crashing]
- [Shouting Russian]
[Lily Belle] Don't you ever hit me!
Stop! No!
[Indistinct Shouting, Crashing]
- Ohh! Sheriff, he's gone mad!
- [Shouting]
Who wouldn't be mad?
How would you like to wake up in the
morning and hear the birds singing...
and then find the face
of an ex-husband looking down upon you?
Would you? No!
Rather a hundred years in the salt mines!
- Aah! Aah!
- Ohh!
Well, the old regime is over...
and the new regime is here.
Boris Palitstandovich Stavrogin...
is the head of the house!
Come here!
Gaze upon them features! Gaze!
- What's your husband's name?
- Uh... well...
- Huh?
- Boris Stavrogin.
See that you
don't forget it!
I'm sorry, Tom,
but it sounded like m*rder at least.
Oh, well, that's probably just
the Russian way of expressin' somethin'.
- You know, speakin'
of marriage, Janice...
- Yes, Tom?
I had a friend once
that happened...
Destry Rides Again (1939)
Moderator: Maskath3