News flash!
We bring you a special bulletin
on the now famous Glasgow-London
mail train robbery.
Ladies and gentlemen,
after 5 years of intensive police work
we've now come across a significant clue.
It appears that the key figure of the
Glasgow-London train robbery
is a man who derives his exceptional intelligence
from an unusually large cerebrum.
As a result the weight of his head
is too great
for the structure of his neck.
And during moments of extreme shock or tension,
this extraordinary criminal
is unable to support his head
in a normal upright position.
Consequently, his head drops sharply to one side.
Like this.
Or of course on the other hand...
Like this.
So, in the event of you seeing him,
communicate with us immediately
at Whitehall 1212
or your local police.
Hello, Scotland Yard?
The man who has his head on the side...
Yes, the Brain!
Well I have 5 of them standing
in front of my shop right now.
Officer! Officer!
There's a man down there
and there's been an announcement about him,
the Brain or something, he holds his head like this.
He's going down there now, look!
Alright, John, let's go.
London airport, sir?
Yes. And hurry up I don't
want to miss the plane.
You see, my dear Suzanne?
We got away with it again.
Who did that?
Me, boss.
On purpose?
Of course.
I looked forward to it all day.
I prepared it all: the soap,
the mop... it just needed you.
Solitary!
Get him out of here!
Out of my sight!
And you only just got out!
You must be crazy!
Yoo-hoo!
There he is.
Yoo-hoo!
Yoo-hoo, dammit!
Why is there no yoo-hoo?
How can it be?
I followed my map
to the centimetre.
MEETING PLACE
Yes!
That's it!
Oh, my word...
must be firedamp.
Excuse me, sir,
isn't this cell 34?
No.
This is 108.
34 is next door.
Oh?
Sorry!
I don't bloody believe it.
Back inside!
Are you free, driver?
I have been for 5 minutes.
Thanks to you, mate.
Stop it, fool!
Lower the blind.
Lower the blind!
Pull the blind up!
You're a wretch! A yokel!
Not worth a dime!
Next time I won't miss!
You villain!
You m*rder*r!
What is this relationship?
Tell me his name!
- Go to hell!
- Just you wait!
My life's been hell
since you came back from America!
When you're married,
you can cheat on your husband.
Not your brother.
Especially when his name's
Freddy Scannapieco.
Leave me alone!
Sofia!
Here, take this...
I swore on our parents' deathbed
I would keep you pure.
Why d'you think
I never took you to America?
You are pure. You still have
that most treasured of possessions.
Yes! Blinding headaches!
I mean your virginity!
My virginity?
The first man who comes along
can have my virginity.
For free!
Who's that?
None of your business!
Go to your room, now!
You lousy good-for-nothing!
You stupid fool!
This way.
Signor Scannapieco awaits.
- Are the others here?
- Waiting by the pool.
After you...
Give me my flask and my croissants.
I'm in a rush this morning.
See you tomorrow.
Awake, sir!
Come in!
Breakfast...
Sleep well?
With a clear conscience.
- Have some croissants.
- Thank you.
You get a mention in the newspaper.
There it is.
Listen: "Strange escape from Poissy.
"Last night, Arthur Lespinasse
escaped after digging a tunnel."
The Brain.
They'll never catch him!
Keep your hair on!
Didn't get you far!
"What could have driven
this second-class hood..."
Sorry!
"...to evade his captors now,
four days before his release?"
What's all this? Are you mad?
Making me take risks
just before your release!
Every night spent digging!
And every day removing.
Exactly.
Removals are my business.
Have you gone mad?
No! It was for an immediate job.
A fabulous job!
We know your "fabulous jobs"!
- Fifty-fifty, Anatole.
- No!
All my schemes work,
don't they?
Remember Indochina.
- Did I ever drop you in it?
- Yes!
OK. But we got out,
or we wouldn't be here.
That was rather thanks to me.
Be careful!
Shut it, Granny!
Thug!
I'll find a taxi.
Then you're on your own!
Will you launder the money,
Scannapieco?
- The job's in 3 days.
- OK. Same percentage as last time.
No, not quite.
10% seems rather excessive.
This time, the best I can do is...
- ...5%.
- What!?
5%?
I doubt the Mafia will appreciate
these last-minute demands.
Listen to m...
Bruno!
Coming, boss.
Listen to me...
It's the 2nd time
you work for us.
Take care it's not the last.
And you won't tell us
a thing about the job!
Don't you trust
Sig. Scannapieco?
Totally.
You'll know neither the place,
nor the time,
nor the target.
But you'll be the only ones to know
that the sum will amount to
around 5 million pounds sterling.
In cash!
8 billion. A tidy sum!
But not easy to launder.
I can tell you the sum will be
in 14 different currencies.
That should make things easier.
You're sure no one's in on this?
Absolutely certain.
I do the heist,
you launder the money.
I take all the risks.
So the commission is reduced
by 5%.
5%!
That makes... $750,000.
You're putting me on!
The Mafia won't weigh in
for peanuts!
Come on!
Come on and stick to business.
Make it 8%
and we might be interested.
6.5%, or I take it elsewhere.
7%, or I fly to New York tonight!
Deal! 6.5%.
Get her out of here, Pascalino.
Yes, Father.
Holy mother and father!
The shame!
You're soiling
the Scannapiecos' honour!
Your wife?
No, my little sister.
But she's gorgeous!
Look out!
Come on, Anatole. Don't sulk.
Here... eat this.
No!
You know NATO?
No. Who's that?
It's here.
So what?
So NATO is moving.
A removal!
Yes.
A train from Paris to Brussels,
filled with typewriters and desks
and...
And what?
And what?
Something only I know about.
In a special car,
watched over by a NATO colonel,
the secret funds of fourteen nations!
You can't go attacking
fourteen nations!
I'd never offer you the job
if France were still in NATO.
Of course.
That changes everything.
Look over there!
- The Colonel's car.
- So what?
We mustn't let him out of our sight.
He's the only way to find out
the date and time of the transfer.
Then what'll you do?
- Guess.
- I don't know.
The mail train job.
Like the Brain's job in England
5 years ago.
I studied every last detail
in prison.
All we do is copy it!
Easy to say.
There were 25 of them.
- You're alone.
- There are 2 of us.
No, you're on your own, mate.
Stay here. I've an idea.
Look, they're British.
He must be Col. Matthews,
the guy sent over at the last minute
to supervise the transfer.
- Who is he?
- A train specialist.
Come on.
- What are you...?
- Hide yourself!
Look at this thing.
Just when I have an extremely important appointment.
Ah, splendid. Fix that and report later.
Palais de Chaillot, please.
Hey, I want to go!
Quiet, Anatole! Down!
There's a good boy.
You've a big dog.
He's a pest!
Your car is in a real state.
Maybe my taxi could help you out
for a few days.
Show you Paris,
the cabarets, the ladies...
No, thank you.
Nice little fellow.
Don't touch, he bites.
That's enough!
- Thanks.
- Keep the change.
I'm fed up.
To the teeth!
He's our man!
He didn't see you. Tail him.
I won't be party
to your schemes.
Wear this, you'll look like
an American tourist. Go!
I don't believe it.
The Eiffel Tower was erected
for the World's Fair of 1889,
erected in 2 years by French engineer
Mr. Gustave Eiffel.
He wanted to prove that it was possible to build some
buildings that are made of steel and iron.
The Eiffel Tower is over 1000 feet high.
It's composed of 3 different platforms.
At the first and at the second one, there are...
Take me home.
I don't feel at ease here.
My home? What, now?
You don't know my brother.
He'd k*ll you if he caught us.
He might at least wait
till we've done something wrong!
Yes, let's!
It's the aerial!
Wait... sir!
Do what I'm doing. Look!
There. It's easy!
Wait...
Just take off your jacket.
Look...
I'm fine as I am!
Leave me alone!
If I'll want you, I'll whistle.
No more than you!
Manage on your own.
Unpleasant chap!
- Well?
- I saw it all.
But heard nothing.
That's enough!
Let's go home.
Come on!
I'm sick of being a photographer.
There's not even a film in it!
Follow that yellow car, there...
Didn't you hear the gentleman?
Go!
Fast. Faster!
Take a left!
Hear that? He said "sinister".
It means turn left, fool!
Oh!
My father was a general
in the India Corps.
- I entered the army at 18.
- Poor thing!
- Come on, we'll lose them!
- I'm doing it on purpose.
He must be the jealous husband.
Terrific!
A crime of passion!
You must know the sad fate
of the British Empire, Sofia.
I arrived too late.
The last w*r provided
a certain entertainment,
derailing and blowing up trains
all over Europe.
But postwar was such a bore.
If he takes her home,
I'll k*ll them both!
What's he want?
To k*ll them both:
"Ammazzo tutte due"...
"Tutti e due!"
Grazie!
So one fine day,
I awoke and decided to become
"the Brain".
Talk to me of love.
If he kills the Colonel,
we've had it.
- So I'm right. We'd best lose them.
- No.
If we lose him,
we've had it anyway.
We have to find out where he lives.
We'll find all the information
we need at his pad.
I'll be waiting in my garret
on the 5th.
I'll pack and be right back.
Wonderful. 'Till then...
Follow the girl!
No, stop.
I shall alight here!
Thanks for the ride.
Hey, I'm coming with you.
Bye!
No, you drive the gentleman.
Ciao, boys.
Sofia!
You're an irresponsible idiot!
I'll teach you a lesson
you won't forget in a hurry!
Go to hell, you lame-brained hick!
Faster!
Imbecile!
Why have you stopped?
I'm no dumber than you!
I can't run a red light!
It's not red, it's green!
Oh, you're right. It is verde.
Mind the step!
Hey, check out this guy!
Miss!
Don't be afraid. He's gone.
Where is he?
I left him in a hole, temporarily.
Get in!
No, in front.
The hole's still there.
Quick!
Suzanne... watch the film.
What is my plan
to snatch NATO's millions?
We can't re-stage
the Glasgow-London train robbery.
- Can we, gentlemen?
- No.
Course not.
Absurd.
Yet that's just what we'll do.
For all the fools
will react like you.
No one would imagine
that the Brain
would dare reattempt his feat.
I've told you a hundred times,
no animals in my bed!
Poor Pompon!
Such a good cat.
Poor Pompon's going outside.
Go and check out the girls.
Lucky sod!
Come on...
Out from under my feet,
Pompon.
Now, my friends,
the freight car with the money.
Here it is.
Inside, we have...
fourteen lovely bags.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,
plus...
7 equals 14.
Watched over by four guards,
all armed to the teeth.
Lights, please.
Gentlemen, as you know,
for the Glasgow-London job
I took leave from the army.
This time, there's no need.
I've been given the job
of protecting the money
we're about to steal.
Now, car number 7,
compartment 11...
and I, Colonel Matthews.
Afterwards!
Evidence of a struggle...
I kidnap myself.
And here, gentlemen, you make
your entrance dressed as firemen.
The only possible spot
we can re-stage the mail train heist.
The same bridge, similar roads...
At 20.32 hours: the attack.
20.33: under the coupling
between the two cars,
an expl*sive charge separates
the car from the end of the train.
20.34: same expl*si*n
at the forward coupling.
20.35:
armed guards neutralized
using sleeping gas.
Will you stop following me?
Go on, beat it.
On your bike, Pompon.
In conclusion, gentlemen,
the special train
containing NATO funds
will leave tomorrow, July 16
from the Gare du Nord at 18.56
and follow this itinerary
to Brussels.
Now let's all gonna have a drink.
Suzanne, behave!
Leave my slippers alone!
What's that?
That bloody panther bitch!
The cow!
That's about as much as I can take!
You naughty animal!
Look what you did!
You'll sleep in the laundry tonight!
Hello?
Is that the Englishman on the 6th?
Yes.
I'm at the end of my rope.
What's going on?
You can go to hell, sir.
You, your fat, ugly wife
and your lousy cat!
You know who I am?
The fat lump I see on the stairs.
Look, Andr?!
It's raining in my home!
It's raining? So it should be.
I'll come up there
and thrash you, sir!
Come on up, then.
You... wimp.
Coward!
Loser!
Nincompoop!
Nincompoop? Coward?
I'll show him!
Wait... you want to go to Daddy?
Off you go.
It's OK,
I'm expecting someone.
John, it's Sofia.
I'll get it.
That'll teach you to be polite!
Thank you.
I'll never forget what you've done.
Oh, no...
I just wanted to shake your hand.
Right, then. Thank you.
Sorry, sir!
See you tomorrow.
- To the country!
- Now?
Col. Matthews was briefing
a dozen plain-clothes cops.
The money leaves tomorrow.
Here's the map.
Hurry! We've got to scout
a place to hide the taxi.
Get on with it!
- I'm not going.
- OK. Drive on.
- Go on!
- Hang on a minute...
I'm starting to get sick of you.
Squad! Forward march!
Squad, halt!
The squad is under your command, sir.
Squad, dismiss
and form a single line.
Canada.
Turkey.
United States.
Great Britain.
Belgium.
Italy.
You're breaking everything!
Grease it, it'll rust.
Grease this?
Stop it!
See anything?
No. You?
Me neither.
What are you greasing here?
Nothing.
Greasing nothing.
Then keep moving!
No, not that way.
This way.
...And Norway.
Bravo.
First three in the armoured car.
Six men in the rear car.
And six men in the front car.
This special train
will leave at 18.56
for Brussels.
Please board the train
and close the doors.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
I'm counting on your vigilance,
gentlemen.
I shall lock you in as I leave...
and release you in Brussels.
Use of your key
is expressly forbidden,
except in cases of derailment
or fire.
Should anything abnormal occur,
an expl*si*n or something similar,
pull the alarm.
It's set off.
It's on this side.
This side.
No, he's going to the right.
Are you sure?
No, he's going left!
You're right.
Yes, he's going left.
No, he's going right.
Just here...
Here.
Damn!
The train's coming here.
Here! To the left!
Come on!
Jump.
Jump, for God's sake.
Jump!
Anatole, can you hear me?
Is that you?
Who else would it be?
Settled in?
No, I've not settled in.
I'm on the wheels.
This is no way to travel.
Do what I'm doing.
Unhook your ladder
and lay it across the buffers.
And I'll tell you something,
your plan's a piece of crap.
We'll never succeed.
Don't switch off!
Damn it! He hung up.
Why can't I ever
stand up to that guy?
Excuse me.
Would you have the time?
It's half past seven, miss.
Thank you.
Arthur!
Yes?
Do you see what I see?
Yes. Fourteen bags full of dough.
And four men-mountains
guarding them.
How long do we wait
before attacking?
Less than an hour.
What do you reckon to
the little Italian girl last night?
I only saw her legs on the stairs.
In the taxi, I saw her head!
Between us, she's not bad!
Arthur!
Can I chat, even if it wears
the battery down?
Of course,
now we're sitting pretty for once.
And now, my own kidnapping.
20.31 hours.
The countdown, Anatole.
Yes!
At zero, throw the stink bombs.
Are you sure they work?
I tried them. They're awful!
Five...
Four...
Three...
Two...
One...
Zero!
There's a very curious smell
in the carriage.
Smell? I can't smell anything.
You hear me?
I'm going in!
I don't wish to be rude,
but this stinks!
We arrive in ninety minutes.
We'll never last!
This can't go on!
The key...
Anatole!
Yes?
This is it!
Didn't you fall off?
No, I blocked the door.
They can't close it now.
It won't close!
Something's blocking the lock.
This isn't normal!
20.32 and 40 seconds.
Unhook the car, Anatole!
Well done, Anatole!
I didn't do a thing. It just went.
Wow!
Hello! It's been cut.
Two explosions!
I'll pull the alarm.
Is this yours?
No, my little nephew's.
- They're asleep!
- What luck!
I told you we'd do it!
Eight billion!
Quite a bag!
Nice trip, sir?
A little windy.
A cup of tea, perhaps?
Ah, good thinking, John.
Now, John, you'll see why
they call me the Brain.
Oh! Terrible smell.
All the bags are loaded.
Sir, the bags are loaded!
What?
I'm totally bushed.
We'll sleep later.
Hurry. No time now.
The bags are loaded?
- Where? How? By whom?
- Darling!
- Sofia, you're here!
- Yes, my love.
You look gorgeous as a fire-fighter.
One minute, darling.
I don't get it.
I knew I was smart,
but that smart...?
Anyway perhaps you're right...
Gentlemen, let's go. Sophia?
- The bags...
- Well I never!
- Where did you throw the bags?
- Here!
From up there.
They should be here!
No shit!
What did you do with them?
Hey, the firemen!
The firemen!
The firemen nicked the bags!
Stop, thief!
Shut up, and let's get them!
The taxi!
The best way to go unremarked
is to be noticed.
OK, go ahead.
Alert: police roadblock!
Holy Mother!
How could they have been alerted
so quickly?
- There's a fire ahead.
- Get out.
Burst through the roadblock!
- Get out!
- Hands up!
Get out!
Hands up!
The cops!
You have just had an accident.
Do not panic.
Remain calm and lie down.
Shit! My taxi's toast.
Hello?
Who are you talking to, miss?
You!
Don't mind him, miss.
It's just Anatole.
...Fourteen.
That's the lot.
Goodbye, darling.
I'll see you again in 20 years or so.
Operation completed.
The Sicilian guy!
The Sicilian girl!
Whore!
Gangster!
That hurt, boss.
You, in the car!
Watch her, Bruno.
Yes, boss.
They're not real firemen.
Or cops.
Be quick! Line them up.
...Two, three,
four...
Well done!
Look!
Col. Matthews, I presume?
- He kidnapped Col. Matthews.
- Who's the Italian?
"You'll know neither the place,
nor the time, nor the target."
You think Frankie
would let 8 billion fly away?
Along with his pretty little sister?
To think I liked you.
You're a bit too greedy, Colonel.
The old fart forgot one thing:
Frankie Scannapieco has a brain too!
And I think it's getting heavier
by the second!
Get in!
The Sicilian is the Brain.
The real one, from London?
Dead right!
You've 2 hours to make Paris
and stash the money
in the piggy bank. Go!
He put the Colonel in a trunk.
He's putting our cash
in a piggy bank.
Let's go, Bruno!
Fake coppers, fake firemen,
a fake roadblock...
- Arthur...
- Yes?
Lucky you told me that
no one else was on the job.
Tonight at midnight,
at the ruined castle,
a giant fireworks display
and, as every year,
a dance in the town square!
That's your fault, fool!
Sofia!
Don't go. Stay here!
It's empty, boss!
He can't be far.
He'll see us, idiot!
Let's go.
Bruno...
You go this way, I'll go that way.
General panic!
I surrender.
Don't sh**t!
Bruno...
Come on.
There he is. That's him!
Go and take him from behind.
Holy Madonna.
Enough!
Yes?
Now who'll be replacing the Brain
in that nice little trunk?
Me.
And who'll take me
to the mysterious piggy bank
where he's hidden
my money?
Not me!
Not me!
Me!
I'm glad we didn't pull it off.
Imagine where we'd be this morning.
Being chased by every policeman
in the world!
How can it be these two blokes?
We got the first guy's fingerprints.
He's just escaped from prison.
You shouldn't have told the press,
Duboeuf.
"Arrest imminent". Huh!
They'll be in Basle,
Belgium or Bolivia by now.
Everyone says the Brain's British.
He's Italian,
but only we know that.
Forget about all that,
it's in the past.
Tomorrow you go to prison,
apologize to the warden,
and serve your last four days.
Hello?
Inspector Pochet here.
Pochet!
Duboeuf here. I'll put him on.
Sir!
- Pochet's spotted them!
- Where?
- Not far away.
- Send me the phone.
Hello?
Is it them? You're sure?
Then do exactly as I say.
Stay with them.
No, don't arrest them.
Make it easy for them.
If anyone blows the whistle,
haul him in.
- He doesn't get it.
- Me neither.
Eight billion, Mazurel.
Eight billion stolen,
and these idiots are our only lead.
Hurry, or we'll miss the bus!
Look...
WHICH OF THESE IS "THE BRAIN"?
- Want my opinion?
- Yes.
They reckon you're the Brain.
I'll give myself up
to the police.
Definitely not.
What else can we do?
We'll go to Le Havre,
like we said.
We'll never make it.
Oh, you will.
- You reckon?
- Sounds like it.
What do we do there?
We've no papers, no money.
No matter.
You're sounding pretty positive
this morning.
It's them.
Do we arrest them?
Definitely not.
Clear the way for our arrival.
The fools caught the bus.
They'll get arrested!
What a turkey! He didn't spot us.
Where could he have hidden
the money?
He mentioned a piggy bank.
But where?
Maniacs!
72 KD 75, boss.
- Cutting in, no overtaking... KD...?
- 75.
I'll report him!
The trunk!
The Sicilian girl!
The trunk! The Colonel!
We must get him out!
Only he can clear us.
Driver!
Police!
Follow that trunk!
Police! Let me in!
Faster.
Faster!
Move it, you useless lumps,
or get out and I'll drive!
Honestly, boss!
We've had it now.
We won't catch them.
Be a nice boy, Frankie,
tell him where the money is.
No!
He promised he'd do nothing
if you tell him.
No!
What does he say?
He says no.
He'd better say yes at Le Havre!
Hurry it up!
- Why don't you do it yourself?!
- No snide remarks, now.
- Incredible!
- Inspector,
is the trunk so important?
Read the papers.
Oh, we never read the papers,
Inspector.
This is what we do with papers.
How silly!
Slow, aren't they?
You explain.
We'll give you the low-down.
- There was a great holdup...
- They accused the wrong guys!
Poor boys!
That trunk contains proof
of our innocence.
- Theirs.
- Of their innocence.
- What proof?
- Colonel Matthews!
You know who kidnapped him?
The Brain.
Then I bet my bottom dollar
we'll get your trunk!
This is a one-way street.
We're with cops. Let's live it up!
Yes, but don't go too far!
Jean-Fran?ois!
How clumsy!
Congratulations! Well done!
It wasn't my fault. He cut in!
Come on, get out of here.
Or do you want a push?
Right... driving licence, insurance,
tax and registration.
- But officer...
- Can't you speak French?
- Listen here...
- No, I won't...
Bravo!
All that and all we get is a ticket.
Not just yet!
What's got into you?
Hang on!
It's them! Catch them.
- Well done!
- How could I know?
There!
Arthur!
What's up?
- We were going together.
- Come on.
- Don't you like my coup??
- Oh, hush!
My brother!
We can't leave him there.
Hey, the Colonel!
Look!
The piggy bank!
The bloody piggy bank!
Don't worry, Colonel,
we'll get you out.
Oh! The Brain!
Arthur, come quick!
The police!
We might all be arrested.
Go, Sofia.
I'll meet you in New York.
Go, quickly.
Quick, Colonel!
He's in the trunk.
It's him!
He's the Brain!
Look at his head.
Me? No!
He's Col. Matthews.
You wouldn't happen to be
a policeman, would you?
I'm not the Brain, Inspector!...
Look out!
Don't worry, brother-in-law.
I make sure my men escape.
Anatole!
I found the money!
That's Arthur.
Recognize him?
Excuse me.
Do something, Anatole.
I can't hold on.
Coming!
He's fallen.
He must have hurt himself.
There should be 60 million dollars,
save what you can!
- Is that yours?
- No.
Then it's mine.
New York's pretty good.
Right!
I still don't see why
you paid our fare, Colonel.
Know how much
is in that train?
Fifty million dollars,
on its way to Fort Knox.
Tell me, do you have any plans
while you're in America?
Brain, The (1969)
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