Banco, darling.
Wake up, darling.
What's happening?
Are we being raided?
No, that's the one thing
we've still got
to look forward to.
Come on, baby.
Sit up and have some nice brekky-wekky.
- Did we?
- No, darling.
I wasn't thinking of that, for once.
What I was struggling to say
was, prop me up, darling.
I know you're not allowed to
prompt the contestants, but,
was last night as bad as I remember?
- Worse.
- Oh.
- We didn't do very well, yes?
- Correct in the first part.
Cleaned out?
You are correct in the second part.
You've just won a fabulous weekend
with no expenses paid in
glamorous Notting Hill Gate.
Have some coffee.
Never has a house lost so much,
so consistently, to so few.
The lease is up here, old darling.
- What now?
- Meaning me?
Don't worry, I'll be all right.
There's always a spot for me in the south
of France with dear old Bertie.
"Bonjour tristesse" and all that.
I can always close my
eyes and think of England.
- What about you?
- I'll take the bottles back and collect the pennies on the empties.
Not to worry.
Something always turns up.
Like me?
No.
Not quite like you.
It's a pity this isn't deductible.
We'd make a fortune.
I'll go and run your bath for you.
Cooperative Removals, Limited?
Did you open this?
No, no, no, I'm listening.
Well, that's very nice to hear.
No, I'm not promising.
No.
Well, you ring me later and find out.
Bye.
Run some more hot in for me, will you?
I'm your husband, not your
bloody bath man, you know.
- There is such a word as please.
- Please?
Aww, poor Rupert Bear, he's all upset.
Now say you're sorry,
like a good little bear.
Ah ah ah.
You've had your porridge for this week.
Who sent you your lovely book?
Why do I have to
answer all the questions?
I might ask you who was
on the telephone just now.
Well ask me, darling,
I might even tell you.
You want it all ways, don't you?
I just face facts, darling.
The w*r's been over a long time.
Nothing's rationed any more.
There's plenty to go round.
- I had a bloody good w*r.
- Yes.
Perhaps you ought to go off somewhere
and find yourself another one.
You never know, you might get a mention
in my dispatches again.
- Yes?
- Oh, you're in.
Good evening, Mrs. Boyle.
I've been waiting for you to come in.
You know you've had callers
this afternoon, two gentlemen.
Oh? Who was it?
- Did they say?
- No. Never left no name.
Oh, I expect they'll call again?
Yes.
They said they'd be back.
Probably something in
connection with the magazine.
Didn't look like no church
magazine to me, Father.
Looked more like the police, Father.
Oh, I expect it will sort itself out.
Most grateful, Mrs. Boyle.
- Redcliffe Gardens.
- Thank you, sir.
Don't tip him, I took care of it.
You took care of me, too.
I'll call you, baby.
Martin?
Darling, is that you?
Who were you expecting?
Where did this come from?
I don't know, darling.
I haven't opened it, have I?
That must have k*lled you.
I'll get you some breakfast.
No, I had breakfast.
Well, don't just stand there.
If you've got something to say, say it.
You phoned the Paradise, right?
And they said I'd left.
Well, I went to a party,
a very dull party.
I think I'm getting my
job back, so you'd better
dust off the piano and I'll
start practising again.
Okay?
That satisfy you?
I didn't say anything, did I?
No, you're improving.
Martin.
Darling, don't be too awful to me.
It's only because I love you so much.
Well, I'll be especially
nice to you this afternoon,
let you buy me a present.
We'll have dinner together?
Yeah, we'll have dinner together.
It's not from your wife, is it?
No.
Hi.
Hi. Nice-looking job.
Just running her in.
Which one?
It's not ostentatious, is it?
No, no, not for you, no.
What's that one's gimmick?
Oh, the little, she sings.
She's a singer.
Just made her first recording.
On extended play, no doubt.
Well, what's your other problem, Dad?
No problem.
Just got a little job for you.
The same as last time.
Well, I don't know, I mean, you know,
I did it once to help you out,
but it's taking quite a risk.
Well, I could up the ante a bit, maybe.
Another five?
Don't rupture yourself, will you?
I might be interested in 25.
- Do me a favour.
- That's a favour.
Hurts, don't it?
It's in the boot.
How do you
want it fixed this time?
Just lengthen the odds
a bit, like 110 to one.
With a 10% jackpot.
Are you sure that's enough?
Don't they ever twig it?
No, they love punishment.
People are greedy, didn't you know?
- Have it ready for tonight.
- Hey!
I'll take that phone
number when you're ready
for a trade-in, you know.
You couldn't even
afford the down payment.
Ah...
Okay.
That's it.
Go take a rubdown, huh?
Mr. Stevens.
I told you not to come here.
Yeah, well, necessity knows
no manners, as they say.
I've got nothing for you anyway.
I told you last time, that's the lot.
Things have been very slack.
Yeah, I know, it's
the same for everybody.
One gets through it so quickly,
especially if one has a hobby.
I mean, they say girls
are expensive enough, but,
well, it takes all sorts
to make a world.
When can I expect something, then?
I told you I haven't got the money.
End of next week, shall we say?
Don't leave it any later.
We want to keep everything
nice and friendly.
I'll look in again, then.
I'll send it to you, if I get any.
No, no.
I prefer the personal touch.
I'll call in.
You'll get it, don't worry.
I've got every confidence in you.
What's the matter with you?
Do you want to catch cold?
Get down there and get a blanket on.
What's this like, then?
Any good?
No idea, I haven't started it yet.
The last one you lent me wasn't much.
Nothing happened, did it?
I mean, I didn't understand half of it.
What were them two blokes up to, then?
I mean, if you've got to read a book like,
I like them others, you
know, plenty of thrills and that in them.
Well, there are thrills and thrills.
Frank!
It's on the table.
Let me see those
X-ray plates again, Nurse.
- Nurse!
- I'm sorry, Doctor.
- The plates.
- Yes.
Concentrate, Nurse.
- You're new here, aren't you?
- Yes sir.
Well one thing
to learn, at St. Matthew's
we never let emotion get the upper hand.
There.
There's the patch.
There. It's spreading, too.
Frank, are you there?
Oh, you are.
Look at him, lapping it up
What's happening tonight, Daddy?
What's happening on there?
Is the little girl still
in the iron lung, is she?
Yes, and they're all dying.
He loves it.
Have some gravy.
The doctor came today.
He thought Daddy was looking wonderful,
says he can go on for years,
the way he's looked after.
Of course, he said he'd never
have lasted as long as he has,
if he'd been put away.
You're a miracle, Mrs. Weaver, a miracle.
Oh, very nice to talk to, the doctor was.
Well, I said, "Frank wouldn't
think of having Daddy
"put into a home, after
all he's done for us,
"giving us the business and all that."
Oh, he looked at my veins today.
He said I'll never get any better
till I get off my feet more.
There was something I wanted to tell you.
What was it, oh yes, Mr.
Wilson at the garage,
his son, you know the young
one, Raymond was his name, no,
that's not his name, the
other one what was married to,
you know, the one that was married
to the girl that used to do my hair.
You remember, they said
the baby wasn't his.
Well, according to...
Come on,
chaps, we haven't got
any time to lose.
Co-operative party?
This way, please.
Do I say thank you to anybody?
No host?
- Oh well.
- The liquor's genuine, anyway.
I know you, don't I?
I don't think so.
Are you a member of the Paradise Club?
- The what club?
- Paradise.
Not to my knowledge.
Well, they spelt my name right, anyway.
Found yours yet?
Yes.
We may as well swap cards, save intros.
I think I'll...
Oh, you're not leaving already, I hope?
You'll miss a rather good lunch.
Just the hat and the umbrella, please.
Oh, good morning, gentlemen.
You've all found out where
you're sitting, I take it?
So shall we?
Good.
Over there, Rupert.
That's right.
Oh, one absentee, I see.
Well, we won't wait.
I chose the menu with
rather more than usual care.
It'd be a pity to spoil
it for one defaulter.
What's that?
Oh, good man, you've found some.
Excellent.
Did you have any trouble parking?
I didn't come by car.
How very sensible.
This is good, absolutely at peak.
Well, don't you agree?
I don't drink.
Oh no, of course not, I forgot.
Well, do start, gentlemen.
Good God Almighty.
This is the right place, the
Co-operative whatnot thing?
Yes.
Do come in.
We were just about to begin without you.
Oh, I took the wrong turning,
and not for the first time.
I found myself in a room
full of trade unionists
cooking up the next wage claim.
All Tories, of course.
Didn't take to me at all.
Ah, that's better.
What is it?
Hmm, fair enough.
The '52's all gone, I suppose?
Enjoy your meal, gentlemen.
You know the old saying, If a
rich man, eat when you will,
if a poor man, when you can.
Waiter.
See we're not disturbed.
Leave it to me, sir.
Well now, gentlemen, I think the first thing
for me to do is to establish my good faith.
You'll find these contain
the missing halves
of the five pound notes.
Captain Porthill.
Captain Mycroft.
Lieutenant Lexy.
Major Rutland-Smith.
Captain Weaver.
Captain Stevens.
Major Race.
Don't bother to thank me, gentlemen.
Purely a business transaction.
Be a bit difficult to thank
you, anyway, old darling,
since I don't know your name.
Didn't I sign the letters?
How very careful of me.
Well, I've no objections now, I don't think.
My name's Hyde, JGN Hyde.
What's the J stand for?
- Jekyll?
- Well, that's a thought, isn't it?
Mr. Hyde? Corporal? Sergeant?
Let's just leave it that I outrank you.
The book, gentlemen, I'd
like your opinions on it.
You've all read it, I take it?
I'm afraid I didn't, old darling.
Any particular reason why not, Major?
I never read books from strange men.
Well then, a very brief
precis for the Major's benefit.
An American thriller
with the germ of a good,
almost brilliant, idea, about
a group of single-minded men
who plan and execute a
particularly daring bank robbery.
Right?
Now, any criticisms as to the
way the robbery was organised?
You're asking me?
Well, I thought it was quite original.
- That's all?
- Yes, that's all.
Weaver?
I think I agree with him.
I'd like to read it again.
Quietly.
I see.
Stevens?
Oh, I enjoyed it.
A bit far-fetched, perhaps.
You couldn't see it
happening in real life?
Oh, I wouldn't go as far as that.
Life's always surprising me.
But didn't it excite any of you?
- Mycroft?
- Well, I was held by it, yes.
Nothing more?
I mean, weren't you actually excited?
No, I can't say I was.
I prefer more subtle things, really.
But didn't it give any of you any ideas?
It gave me a headache, I read it in bed.
Yes, but what about the basic idea,
the way the robbery was conceived,
like a textbook military campaign?
Didn't that fire your imaginations?
Apparently not, old darling.
Well, you disappoint me, gentlemen.
I expected more of you.
I felt sure, that at the very least,
the idea of making easy money
would appeal to all of you.
What makes you so sure of that?
Oh, come now.
You're all crooks, aren't you?
Well, one kind or another.
Wouldn't you agree with that, Padre?
I'm not staying here to be insulted.
Oh, I would, if I were you.
After all, we're all men of the world.
So an officer who was cashiered
for gross indecency in a public place,
the Botanical Gardens,
Tunbridge Wells, wasn't it?
Needn't feel squeamish.
And then, of course, you took
to the old dog-collar racket.
What denomination are you at the moment?
Church of England? Oh, no, no.
No, that stopped at Bristol,
didn't it, at the assizes?
I felt the judge went a bit far, myself.
Still, you're here, and I'm
sure you're going to stay.
You seem amused, Mr. Lexy.
Is it a joke we can all share?
Well, you tell me.
Well, I can't tell you the same joke,
I'm afraid, but try this one. It has a certain charm.
Berlin, 1945.
Lieutenant Edward Lexy,
Royal Corps of Signals.
Kicked out for giving
information to the Russians.
The joke being that you did it for money,
as always, not principles.
Not funny?
A bit near the knuckle, perhaps?
Depends whose finger's on the trigger,
doesn't it, Captain Porthill?
Yours was in Cyprus,
when you were cashiered
for sh**ting EOKA suspects.
He's still using those
nimble fingers, though,
playing the piano in cheap nightclubs
and extracting pocket money
from middle-aged ladies
for services courageously rendered.
Race, ex-Major Race, with
his customary foresight
in these matters, which did
him, and at the same time
kept him from justice,
resigned his commission,
just before a flourishing
black-market ring
was uncovered in post-w*r Hamburg.
A decent gesture, though.
For the sake of the regiment and all that.
Breeding will tell, you know.
Friend Stevens.
One-time fascist back-room boy,
Mosley speaks and all that.
Saw the light just in time and was made
an officer and a gentleman.
Unfortunately, he couldn't
quite behave like one.
The Sunday newspapers had a field day.
There's nothing the
British public likes better
than catching the odd men out.
Captain Weaver.
A sad case, but not
demanding too much sympathy
for the Captain.
Save your tears for the men who died
as a result of his gross negligence.
Four, weren't there?
Members of a b*mb-disposal
squad, acting under
Captain Weaver's orders, while he was
acting under the influence.
And, of course, gallant
Major Hyphenated Smith,
we mustn't forget you.
You always wanted to die
with your boots clean,
didn't you, Rupert?
But marriage changed all that.
His wife's money bought him
out, after she'd settled
some embarrassing mess bills.
However, gratitude, as
Nurse Cavell omitted to add,
is not enough.
And where do I fit in?
Well, I'm ashamed to say that I have
the advantage over you, gentlemen.
My criminal career is
just about to blossom.
You'll find nothing on me, not a blemish.
I served my country well
as a regular soldier
and was suitably rewarded after 25 years
by being declared redundant.
Now, don't let's kid ourselves any longer.
This was not intended to be a
book of the month club lunch.
I've brought you all
together because I have
a certain proposition to make.
Now, what do we all have in common,
apart from an urgent need for funds?
We were all trained at
great public expense
to do certain things with
the utmost efficiency,
such as how to k*ll a man
with the minimum effort
and other minor arts and crafts, which,
while frowned upon in peacetime,
are acclaimed in times of w*r.
Well, I've got a social conscience,
and I think it's a crying
shame for so much public money
to be wasted.
I intend to put it to some
practical peacetime use.
Now then, the main character in this book
knew just where to lay his
hands on the various experts
to do the jobs he wanted.
Well, you are my experts.
You were all specialists
in your own fields,
and, with your cooperation, I
intend to rob a bank myself.
And the pay, gentlemen?
100,000 pounds each.
That's $280,000, 1,100,000 Deutschmarks,
over 100 million francs,
if any of you are thinking
of emigrating, and it could be more.
How do you know?
Have you counted it already?
How do I know?
How did I arrive at all of you?
Because I make sure of all
my facts before I move.
I've put in a good deal of
time and money on this project.
I'm giving you the benefit of both.
And which bank have you in mind?
That's restricted at the moment.
And this, gentlemen, is as
far as I'm prepared to go
for the time being.
Think it over carefully.
I hope no one will try to be clever.
Such a waste of time.
I shall deny everything and a year's work
will go for nothing.
It could be a year well
spent for all of us.
How do we contact you?
I'll do the contacting.
I'll let you know when
and where we meet again.
- Same terms?
- But of course, Mr. Lexy.
Oh, do drink up while it lasts.
Everything's paid for and
the room's yours till four.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
It's been a pleasure.
Well, speaking purely
personally, old darlings,
I thought that was a bloody good lunch.
I do hope he hasn't the
National Provincial in mind.
They're being awfully
decent to me at the moment.
You want to get those potholes
filled in, old darling.
Bloody near ruined my springs.
I had them dug especially for you.
Sorry if I went round the
houses this afternoon.
Very boring for you.
Why, was it as obvious as all that?
I wouldn't say obvious, exactly.
Well, I'm not very good at it, you see,
probably because I'm usually
the one who's followed.
Nevermind, you gave me
a certain academic thrill.
It was a seven-to-one shot,
but my money was on you
from the start.
You'd like a drink, I
take it, before you go
- back to the YMCA?
- Thank you very much.
The butler's night off?
I live alone.
A bad habit to live alone, old darling.
Gives one a complex.
You were in the catering corps, I see.
What's that?
You're not exactly
Mrs. Beeton, old darling.
Oh, one can't be bothered
cooking for oneself.
I have a good cleanup about once a month.
Yes. The point is its home.
Do you mind?
I'm quite good at this.
It's the way I was brought up.
Mummy thought the world of me.
Soap flakes?
Don't think you have to.
Believe it or not,
this was the one chore
I missed in the army.
What rank did they kick
you out with, by the way?
I made half colonel.
Still I gather you don't
intend to exactly fade away?
Let me tell you about me, though.
Yes, do.
Well, I'm careful the careful type.
Came through the sh**ting
match without a scratch.
Oh, blokes queued to stand
beside me at Dunkirk.
Not luck, I just took care.
Rule one, ask first, be a hero later.
So I'm asking, why should
you want to lead me
to the biggest amount of
loot I've ever heard of?
Because you're one
of the experts I need.
To be successful, an
army has to be mobile.
That means a good transport officer.
You used to be as good as they come.
Oh, this has still got egg on it.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
And what about the others?
I'm glad you asked me that.
What did you think of them, by the way?
Well, not nature's noblemen, perhaps.
No, but as a team, all hand-selected.
I wasn't exactly idle
during my last few months
at the w*r Office.
You'd be surprised what a
little research in the files
brought to the surface.
No, not surprised, because
you came floating up.
Floating?
I got everything I wanted.
Weaver, genius with expl*sives.
Lexy, the radio king.
Mycroft, absolutely
first-class quartermaster.
And the other three?
Good trained soldiers,
ruthless if need be.
And what's your speciality?
I synchronise the watches.
And go over the top first?
I shall be there on the day.
Well, remember rule two, old darling.
Never get ahead of the mob.
They're liable to sh**t you in the ass.
What you need someone to
protect your interests.
Yes, that had occurred to me too,
but before you suggest
yourself for the job,
I ought to mention one thing.
Everybody gets the same share.
- Well, roughly, anyway.
- No.
I intend to get away with
this, and the one sure way
to disaster is for somebody to get greedy.
So it's equal shares for all.
- Including you?
- Of course.
Do you still want to be considered?
Well, you haven't yet told me
how you hope to get away with it.
That comes later, when
we've reached an agreement.
As you say, one has to proceed carefully.
I was at Dunkirk, too.
Yes, but I bet you didn't get away
on the first boat, like me.
Of course,
there's always the possibility,
ugly though it may sound,
that I might spill the beans,
if we don't come to an agreement.
And you said you weren't nasty.
Oh, I'm not, it's just the
way my mind works sometimes,
you know, in vicious circles.
Yes, but you're not the informer type.
I'm sure that we can find a
mutually acceptable solution.
I'll tell you what, let's
have something to eat.
We'll talk about it.
What, two meals in one day?
You're spoiling me.
All my men loved me.
Well?
In theory, I like it.
It has a certain old-world
charm, but it'll never work.
Why not?
Because you can't pull a
stunt like that in this country.
Oh, I know they get away
with it in the States.
The first ones to try it
here will get away with it too.
Think of it as a full-scale
military operation.
What chance has a bunch
of ordinary civilians
got against a trained, armed,
and disciplined military unit?
You were a soldier,
man, you ought to know.
You know, we really are a
marvellous nation, aren't we?
In any crisis, we always produce
the right man for the job,
even though it's the wrong job.
All right.
I'm sold.
I'll sign on for the duration.
On my terms, equal shares for all?
Well, if you insist on this
socialistic nonsense, yes.
You're losing a friend, but
gaining a second-in-command.
I'll settle for that.
Oh, let's leave the dishes.
Do you want to stay the night?
Why not?
Well, move in now, if it comes to that.
- Fine.
- Good.
Did you bring any gear with you?
Yes, always prepared.
You'd be surprised where
my caravan has rested.
Well, I'll just pop out
of the car, old darling.
Look, do you mind not using
that sickening expression?
Oh, what's that?
Call me Hyde, Norman,
or Colonel if you like,
but for heaven's sake, drop
that old darling stuff.
All right, old dear.
Sorry, Colonel.
One gets into terrible habits at the YMCA.
- Is that your wife?
- Yes. - Is she dead?
No, no, I regret to say the
bitch is still going strong.
Very smart.
I shall miss the old Rolls, though.
Yes, so will I, but
she didn't fit the part.
Well, we mustn't keep them waiting.
- The Cafe Royal again?
- Not this time.
We're at w*r now.
Robert was dancing
principal and I was, charming!
Can I help you?
We've got this room until three.
Isn't this Babes in the Woods?
No, we're rehearsing Journey's End.
- Oh.
- So sorry. - Well, where do we go?
I haven't the faintest idea.
You'd better sort that
out with the secretary.
Only asking.
Some people!
Shall we start with the second act?
I'm sorry about that.
Well, now, gentlemen, if you
will all look at page 20.
Let me say how delighted
I am to see you all again,
gentlemen.
Your presence here
restores my basic disbelief
in the goodness of human nature.
So I think perhaps the
time has come to dispel
any further doubts that you may have,
the Babes in the Wood permitting.
Priceless!
Absolutely priceless!
Fabulous! Don't you think
it's a great idea?
Yeah, I have to admit it is.
What a concept!
You think it's got a chance?
Oh, you're bloody marvellous
I think, can't miss.
By Jove, yes, be like the old days.
- What do you think?
- Yeah, give it a try.
Are you ready to vote on it?
How about you, Padre?
Yes, I feel a certain
calling towards it.
- Weaver?
- Me too.
- Stevens?
- I'm for it. - Splendid!
Well, thank you for
your support, gentlemen.
Now, our immediate plan is as follows.
After dismissal here,
I suggest we disperse
and you take tender farewells
of your nearest and dearest,
and then report to this
address at 1800 hours tomorrow,
and come prepared for a long stay.
Decent accommodation, of course, sir,
as befits officers and gentlemen?
Well, the food will be good
and the prospects unlimited.
Of course it's not goodbye, darling.
I mean, after all, we've
only just been introduced.
It's just that I'm onto a good thing.
It's a big opportunity for me,
which I hope you will share.
Here.
Have this one on the house.
I'm just passing through myself.
Excellent.
Well, it's good to see you all on parade.
Now, if you'll follow me, gentlemen,
I'll show you to your quarters.
Some of you will have to
double up, I'm afraid,
but we must all make
sacrifices at times like these.
Oh, and by the way, I want to
appoint two admin officers.
Captain Mycroft, I propose
making you quartermaster.
Oh, thank you, sir.
And of course, we shall
have to have an adjutant.
Major Race is the senior man, I think.
Will you accept, Race?
- Well, if you insist.
- Right, gentlemen.
Weaver and Porthill in here.
Keep an eye on him, Porthill.
Don't let him sneak any liquor in.
Excuse me.
Mycroft and Rutland-Smith in here.
No noise at night, now,
while Christopher Mycroft
is saying his prayers.
Mr. Lexy, you're along here.
Oh, good.
On my own, eh?
No, with Stevens.
Major Race, you're through there.
Thank you. I feel
at home already.
Like being back at school, huh?
I sincerely hope not.
Can I have you all
out here again, please?
There are just one or two other things.
The usual offices are
down there to the right.
I've posted various duty
rosters for fatigues, et cetera,
and I should like them strictly observed.
You will make your own
beds and be responsible
for your own laundry.
And no women in the
rooms after 10, I presume?
Or before.
Now, regards discipline, where they apply,
Queen's Regulations will be enforced.
Any minor breaches will be
punished by a fine of 100 pounds
to be deducted from the final payout.
Major or repeated offences
by a fine of 500 pounds.
Well, I think that's all for
the time being, gentlemen.
Dinner is at 2000 hours, followed by
our first lecture in the basement.
Could you spare a moment, Major?
I hope you're gonna hold church...
"Operation Golden Fleece."
I like that.
Cookhouse duties and fatigues?
I don't care for that.
I see you and I are washing up tonight.
How delightful.
And I'm cooking lunch tomorrow.
Well, press on, I wonder what time
lights are out in the dorm.
I don't know about you
lot, but I'm going to
keep my lights on all night.
You may smoke if you wish, gentlemen.
We are gathered here to discuss
phase one of the operation.
Now, I don't have to tell
you that, as a general rule,
banks take very good
care of people's money.
They are not going to give it to us,
so we shall have to take it.
But to take it, we shall need arms,
and the sort of arms we need
are not sold over the counter.
However, I have every confidence
that whatever we require
will be supplied by our late employer.
Do you mean the army, sir?
First slide, please, Major.
Certainly, Colonel.
I'm so sorry.
That comes in the second lecture,
How to Live Off the Countryside.
Ah, that's better.
Gentlemen, you're now looking
at our source of supply,
the Army Command Training
Centre at Mulverton in Dorset,
to which we will shortly
be paying a surprise visit.
Oh by the way, just one
other little detail.
When we leave our card, we shall have to
provide the authorities with a scapegoat.
In this case, I'm relying
on the British character.
We British will always give
the Germans, the Russians,
the Japanese, or even the Egyptians
the benefit of the doubt,
but never the Irish.
So, throughout this exercise, if we use
our accents judiciously,
the IRA will get the credit
and the blame.
Have a f*g, sir.
Don't let the other
ranks see you're nervous.
Cut it out, Martin.
Now.
51st Training.
Yeah?
- Who, sir?
- Area Command?
I've got the G2 on the line
for your commanding officer.
Is something wrong with your line?
- The old man's out, ain't he?
- Yes.
He's gone out of town
shopping with his missus.
Well, I've got a call for him.
Well, put it through
to the adjutant, clot!
Just trying to find him, sir.
Well, hurry it up!
Bighead!
- Hello, Captain Saunders?
- Hello.
I've got the
G2 on the line, sir.
Who, man? Speak up.
The G2, sir.
Oh yeah, I'd better take it.
Putting you through, sir.
Whom am I speaking to?
Captain Saunders?
Well, I wanted your commanding
officer, my dear fellow.
Not there?
Oh, that's most unfortunate.
Look, I've got a bit of bad
news for you, I'm afraid.
Yes, the new Area
Commander's on his way down
for a surprise visit.
Someone's been complaining about the food.
Complained about the food?
Well, no, no, I don't...
Well, how do you think I
ought to handle it, sir?
Well, with kid gloves,
if you want my tip.
He's a ball of fire.
Well, put on some sort of a show.
Yeah, the best I can do, I'm afraid.
Yes, well, sorry I couldn't
give you longer notice.
Thank you, sir.
We're very grateful to you, sir. Thank you.
Goodbye.
Wilkins, get my stuff,
hat, belt, everything,
then get Mr. Thomas and Mr.
Shotter, no, forget that,
I'll do that, you just
get the stuff, go on!
Yes, sir.
Hello, get me the Orderly Room.
Get me the Orderly Room!
Attention.
Lieutenant Chalmers report to...
- Bernard. There's a flap on.
- Sir?
The Area Commander's on his way here.
There's been a complaint about the food.
Now we've got to get things organised.
Right, leave it to me, sir.
- Paul, go with him, will you?
- Right.
Full guard turnout.
Jimmy, don't stand there,
trot along to the switchboard.
Try and locate the old man.
Lieutenant Hall, what have
you got for the men's tea?
Friday, sir.
Fried eggs, baked beans,
chips, toast, tapioca.
Yes, can you change it?
Not now, sir, it's all cooked.
Right, rustle up some soup
and give every man two eggs.
Have you got any tinned fruit?
Some n the officers' mess, sir.
Well, grab it.
Put that on, too.
Corporal!
Two eggs?
Muckin' balloon gone up or summat?
It's a diabolical dead
liberty, I tell you.
Still, tinned fruit, eh?
Oh, aye, that'll make
all the difference.
The bleeding stuff's been
here since the Boer w*r.
Come here.
What's the matter with
your webbing, Alpers?
You're on a fizzer in the morning!
Get me 428.
- Can't, sir.
- What do you mean, can't?
I can't get a line, sir.
- Well get the exchange, then.
- Can't get anything, sir.
Here Chunky, come on, all outside.
Get moving!
- Get stuffed.
- Get what?
Get off that bed, Grogan, get outside
in your best battledress
and boots, and jump to it!
Sir!
Get up!
- Everything under control, sir.
- We hope.
If I might make a suggestion, sir?
Well yes, anything, what?
Perhaps an early adjournment to the mess
and get in with the old
liberal hospitality?
Don't you worry, Sergeant
Major, that's top of my list.
Right, cigarettes out.
Just enjoy it from here on.
And don't forget, we carry the rank.
Correction, I carry the rank.
After me.
- They're coming, sir!
- All right, don't go mad.
It's not the relief of Ladysmith.
All right, Alpers. Wait for it.
As you were.
Guard! Turn out!
General salute! Present arms!
Slope arms!
- Good afternoon, Captain?
- Saunders, sir.
Christie is my name.
Colonel Wylie.
- Major Williams.
- Hello. - Sir.
I'm very sorry Colonel Langton
isn't here to greet you, sir.
He was called away to a
civil defence meeting, sir.
Would you care to inspect the guard, sir?
Yes.
Guard present and ready
for your inspection, sir!
Thank you.
Yes, pretty fair turnout.
Thank you, sir.
I suppose you know
what this is all about.
No sir, I don't.
You surprise me, Saunders.
I thought the grapevine was infallible.
Nothing stirs up the w*r Office
like a question in the House.
Some Bolshie exercising his Divine Right.
Who is he, any idea?
I'm afraid I don't quite follow, sir.
Some barrack-room
lawyer wrote to his MP.
The menu wasn't up to his
liking or some such cock,
so it fell on my neck.
Would you care for a little
refreshment, first, sir?
I'm sure you need it
after that long drive.
No, let's get on with it.
I don't want you tarting up the cookhouse
before I've seen it.
Right, Weaver.
Yeah, they go right in.
You haven't got a ladder
we can borrow, have you?
Ladder?
Yeah, you know, thing you climb up,
there's a fault on one of your lines.
We'll have to check your junction box.
Haven't you got a ladder of your own?
Yeah, we got one of our own,
in the truck about half a mile down.
Come on, we won't hurt it.
Better ask in the Guard Room.
Sorry to trouble you, Sergeant.
Phone trouble in the area.
Have you come about this fault?
Blimey, that's a change,
we haven't reported it yet.
Have you got one too?
All the lines are dead.
Hear that, Bert?
They've got a fault here, too.
Ah, sure, that's great.
Well, what do you think?
Shall we leave the other one?
We'll have to, shan't we?
I mean, this is a priority.
You haven't got a ladder, have you?
Yes, we've got one out the back.
Go and get it.
It's probably in them woods over there.
All that rain last night,
lines down everywhere.
- Shall we take a look?
- May as well.
- Thanks.
- Well, keep out of the way, then.
We've got some top brass visiting.
Don't worry us, mate.
We done our bit.
Mess hall, 'shun!
Right, carry on.
We try to vary the food,
sir, as much as possible.
Party, 'shun!
Staff Sergeant Hall, sir.
At ease, Staff Sergeant.
Let me see your menu cards for the week.
Yes sir.
Cook, try to get one
of those on a plate.
Sample that, Philip.
- Fork.
- Fork.
Fork.
What's this supposed to be?
Well, it's a sort of a...
Well, it's a kind of a
vegetable soup, I think, sir.
Plate.
Your turn, Peter.
- Spoon.
- Spoon.
Spoon.
Nothing.
- Mess hall, 'shun!
- No, carry on eating.
Any complaints here?
Come along, now.
Answer the Brigadier.
No, sir.
You're quite satisfied with the food?
You can speak quite freely.
Well, no, sir.
Not always, sir.
What exactly don't you like about it?
Well, they sometimes
give you good grub, sir,
but they mess it about, like.
How do you
mean, "mess it about?"
Well, take Sunday, sir.
I mean, we had a fair
whack of the old roast
and that, and gravy and stuff, but,
well, they messed it
about, like, you know.
Specifically?
I beg your pardon, sir?
What did they do to it?
Oh. Well, I mean,
I'm not a cook, am I?
I mean, I only go by what I taste, like.
And well, it didn't taste right, see?
It sort of tasted like
they'd messed it about, like.
What's this man's name?
- Grogan, sir.
- Grogan, sir.
That's all, is it?
Well, that was only last Sunday, sir.
What about today's meal?
Oh, well, very fair, sir,
you know, if you like eggs.
I mean, they're not
great favourites of mine,
but you've got to eat 'em to sort of
keep your strength up, like.
Yes.
Well done.
Well, he bleeding asked me, didn't he?
Well.
Good afternoon, sir.
Having trouble?
- All clear?
- I'm not sure.
Something stuck in
the feed pipe, I reckon.
Oh, yes.
Well, it's very kind
of you to stop, anyway.
Not at all, sir.
It's a pleasure.
Ever thought of becoming a member, sir?
Oh, I don't think so.
Belong to too many things already.
We've got to get back.
Give him another minute,
then do what's necessary.
Come on.
I shall have to send in
a full report, of course.
Yes sir. Would you care
to come to the mess now?
Afraid I haven't time to be social.
Thank you very much, sir.
A bore for all of us, these things.
Give my regards to Colonel Langton.
Sorry to have missed him.
He'll be sorry too, sir.
Can you see them?
Just coming up now, sir.
Right, let's go.
There, sir. Ought
to be okay now.
Ah, well, thank you very much.
Not at all.
Yeah, well, we didn't find anything,
so we'll have to report
it again when we get back
and they'll be down first thing.
Thanks for the ladder,
anyway, right Bert?
Goodbye, Sergeant.
Alpers!
What's this bleeding ladder doing here!
Right.
Down, quick!
- Any complaints?
- No sir! - Right.
Carry on smoking.
Well, you've got to hand
it to the dear Colonel.
- They bought it, just like he said.
- Yes.
Nothing in the stop press?
No, just "Vicar on grave charge."
I thought you took a longtime
over the shopping, Padre.
I think that's really
in rather poor taste.
Oh, la-di-bloody-da.
Well, shut up, anyway.
We're all a bit touchy,
tonight, aren't we?
Small wonder after the
meal you just cooked.
Well, it's your turn to bend
over a hot stove tomorrow.
You didn't take offence, did you, Padre?
I've been meaning to ask you,
I've always been interested
in this religious aspect.
Those sort of get-togethers,
like Billy Graham,
have you ever been to one?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I have.
Really?
That's very interesting.
I mean, you went forward
and that, got the call?
Oh, yes.
I always went forward.
Thank you, I've read it.
- Any complaints, gentlemen?
- No sir.
I must say, I take my hat off to you.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you, Rupert.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Well, that's the end of phase one.
Now for phase two.
We are going into the removal business.
I have the premises, but not the vehicles.
But I'm sure the adjutant will take care
of that small detail
before the night is out.
Come on, Martin.
Mad about the new fashions.
Well, it's time we got
the show on the road, too.
There's a lot to be done tonight.
The night watchman will
be out any moment now,
to get a drink before the pub closes.
What's your game?
Sorry, mate, looking for
the same thing, myself.
Get lost.
Don't you believe in lights?
I beg your pardon?
Lights.
Yes, I'm so sorry, officer.
Well, vehicles come
out of there, you know.
Yes, I'm so sorry.
Well, watch it next time.
This is the view of the
bank that you will see
three weeks from today, gentlemen.
Just before the armoured car arrives,
a commissionaire opens the
side entrance to the bank.
The armoured car always arrives at 10:55.
As soon as it stops, one
guard gets out of the cabin
and goes to the rear of the vehicle.
At a signal from him, the
door is opened from the inside
and he's joined by two other guards.
All these three men are armed.
The money you see being handled so calmly
often amounts to over a million pounds.
It doesn't seem possible, does it?
I mean, I would have
thought a million would look
- much more than that.
- I assure you it is.
Each of those boxes contains
50,000 pounds in used notes.
Take a good look, gentlemen,
because it's all there.
Operation Golden Fleece.
This is the b*ttlefield on
which we shall fight, and here,
I promise you, we shall
enjoy our finest hour.
What price glory?
100,000 pounds each, tax free.
You won't have to sign
a single form for it.
You won't even have to salute.
The entire operation takes
exactly three minutes.
The money is now being
wheeled into the side entrance
of the bank, and the armoured car leaves.
We wait until it tums this corner.
At that point, we go into action.
Lights.
The money is now being
wheeled down this corridor
to the lift and then to the vaults.
Question?
Yes sir, I must be a
bit confused, I'm sorry,
but why do we wait till the
money is inside the bank?
I mean, surely...
Because to try to take
it outside would be fatal
as well as messy.
The driver of the armoured
car is completely sealed in,
safe from attack and in constant touch
with both the police and his own company.
What do you do about
the alarm system there?
I do nothing.
I leave that to you.
Actually, there are two
alarm systems in the bank,
one to their security company and one
to the nearest police station.
There are at least a dozen
push buttons in the building.
If one of them is pressed, signals go out,
steel shutters come down
and block every exit,
and at the same time, an alarm
starts ringing on the roof.
And what do I do about that?
You will prevent it from happening.
As our expl*sives expert, you
will manufacture bombs which,
when dropped into this manhole
here and this one here,
will knock out the telephone
and electricity systems
of the entire area.
Meanwhile, Mr. Lexy, our radio expert,
will be jamming all police
broadcasts over a radius,
I hope, of at least two miles.
At the same time, Major Rutland-Smith
will provide a noxious
and blinding smoke screen.
This will not affect us,
because we shall be wearing
gas masks so generously
provided by the army.
Thus, when we move in,
we move against a target
that is both surprised and defenceless.
He's a nutcase, you know.
No getting away from it, he'll
end up with a knighthood.
One, two, three.
Come on!
Come on, get a spurt on.
I want this place cleared by 12.
Oh, good morning, officer.
Can I help you?
Good morning, sir.
I didn't know this place
was being used again.
Oh, no, I've just
taken it on temporarily,
until my permanent premises are ready.
Oh, I'll keep an eye on it
sir, now I know you're here.
I wish you would,
that's very kind of you.
Just routine, sir. Good day.
Good day, officer.
Could he have seen anything?
No.
Well, there she is.
How's that for service?
Where did you get it?
Harrods, charged to your account.
Do you mean you stole
it in broad daylight?
Well, if you want to
put it that crudely, yes.
You bloody idiot!
We had a policeman here
not two minutes ago.
So?
So what if he saw you turn
in here and took the number?
Well, no one knows the
car's been stolen yet,
so why bother about the number?
I gave explicit orders the
job was not to be attempted
until after dark.
All right, well
court-martial me, old darling.
Thank you.
That'll cost you 100.
Well, make it 500, I'm easy.
Now I'm in charge of transport, right?
Well, I decided it was better
to have this car here today.
We may have to do some work on it.
What sort of work?
How do I know till I've looked?
Or would you rather find out on the day?
I'll accept the fact that
your motives were good,
but that's the last
time you disobey orders.
We can't afford to waste
all the work we're doing
just because one man wants to be a hero.
I've nothing against
heroes, except they usually
crook it for other people.
Well.
Get it under cover.
All right, Stevens, get it in, will you?
Oh Padre, get some number plates made up.
- Private car, London area, 1960.
- Right.
Well done, Padre.
Excellent.
Well, gentlemen, that
more or less, wraps it up.
Oh, I think the adjutant
would like one word with you.
Yes, I want the drivers to report to me
immediately after this briefing
that all petrol tanks and
spare jerry cans are full
and that oil levels and
tyre pressures are correct,
and then I'll carry out a
final engine inspection.
That's all, Colonel.
Sir?
Yes, quartermaster?
Just about the leave arrangements, sir?
You asked me to mention the suitcases.
Oh, yes, yes.
The quartermaster has provided
an extra suitcase apiece,
to allow for your excess
baggage after the operation.
I take it you've all
read the movement order
for tomorrow night?
I've laid on a little celebration.
It'll be our last get-together,
as I don't anticipate
any future regimental reunions.
Throughout the evening, all officers,
as per the movement
order, will be going off
on a well-earned leave to sunnier climes.
Whacko!
Oh, yes, Rupert?
Oh, I'm so sorry, I quite forgot.
Please.
The latest Air Ministry
weather forecast for tomorrow,
Friday the 18th.
Most of England cloudy, with
occasional rain or showers
with some bright periods.
Further outlook very promising.
Thank you, Rupert, you
read that very nicely.
Well gentlemen, it just
remains for me to thank you
for all your hard work,
enthusiasm, and unfailing loyalty.
Everything's prepared.
We've left nothing to chance.
Our last reconnaissance
photographs reveal no changes,
and I know that we shall be amply rewarded
for all our efforts.
It's all there, waiting
for us tomorrow morning.
So relax, get a good night's
sleep, and good luck.
- Thank you, sir.
- Good night, sir.
Well, I'm damned!
Come in.
Have a drink.
Pull up a chair.
Couldn't sleep?
It was the waiting that
always k*lled me in the w*r.
- k*lled everyone.
- Always surprises you.
It's like love.
Every time, you think it's
going to be different,
but it's always the same.
It's the sameness that surprises you.
I won't ask you in,
'cause Mother's waiting up.
Got it straight, now, haven't you?
Midnight tomorrow, London airport.
Drive carefully.
Shh! Shh.
Mr. Lexy.
Good morning, sir.
You realise this is a
gross breach of discipline?
Yes, sir.
I was just trying to relax,
as per your instructions, sir.
Well, I don't know what
action I shall take yet,
but, at the very least,
it'll be a heavy fine.
Yes sir. Thank you sir.
Lexy.
Yes sir?
How much would you say she was worth?
Oh, I'd settle for the full 500, sir.
Excuse me, sir. Can
you give me a light?
What's that?
What's happened?
Do what you're told
and no one will get hurt.
Over there, everyone.
Officials, stay where you are.
All exits will be covered for
five minutes after we leave,
so I hope you'll all behave sensibly.
But just to impress upon
you the need for caution...
Oh, I can't see!
Right.
What's happened?
Underground gas main blown up,
I think.
Oh.
Right!
Some more?
Oh, sorry.
Think nothing of it, I'm made of money.
Here we are.
Come on, old darlings,
here, have one for the road.
Don't delay them, we
must keep to schedule.
Have you made up your
mind where you're going yet?
That information is restricted.
- Well, bon voyage.
- And you too, sir.
- I won't drop you a line.
- No, don't.
But I'll be thinking of you.
Weaver, don't do anything too expl*sive.
Definitely not, sir.
I'll use a very slow fuse!
Goodbye, everybody.
Have a good time.
- Goodbye.
- Bon voyage.
- Be good.
- Goodbye.
Yes, have a good time.
You know, I suddenly feel rather sad.
Fill up my glass, Padre.
- Certainly, Peter.
- Poor old Padre.
- He's gonna feel the pinch.
- Oh, really?
Why?
Now you can afford to
sin, takes the edge off it.
Your only hope is to
hot-gospel it to California
and found your own church.
Start a new movement?
You're very busy deciding
everybody else's future, Lexy.
What do you intend to do?
Well, after I've settled
all the outstanding
maintenance orders, look, I'm not kidding,
I was a fair operator without money.
Now I'm loaded, I'll have
to beat them off with clubs.
Well, you don't belong to any!
Thank you, Padre.
Well, Rupert, you're going off now?
Yes, my time has come, as they say.
Well, "Journeys end," I hope the rest
- of the quotation comes true.
- I doubt it.
No, I'm the exception to the rule.
I always make the same mistake twice.
No, don't bother to see me
out, sir. I hate goodbyes.
Well, thanks for everything.
I can't tell you how much I've...
Awfully decent type that, you know.
- Old Rupert?
- Oh, one of the best.
Solid as a rock.
Well, the party seems to be dying a bit.
We can't have that.
Martin, put on another record.
- Padre, do the honours.
- Right.
Here we are, there's one over here.
Is this all you've got, sir?
What's wrong?
Nothing there?
Well, it's not exactly the hit parade.
Still, let's try this one.
♪ The soldiers of the Queen, my lads ♪
♪ The Queen, my lads ♪
♪ The Queen, my lads ♪
Shh.
Forgot the words?
- There's somebody at the door.
- What?
Listen.
Norman!
Well, don't say you've
forgotten me, you old scoundrel.
Warren. Bunny Warren.
Bunny.
Of course.
- Yes.
- I was gonna say.
I haven't changed all that much,
have I?
Oh, no, no.
It was just that I couldn't
see who it was, at first.
Well, how are you?
Can't complain, old son, can't complain.
My God, you haven't altered a scrap, what?
I gave you a bit of a shock, didn't I?
- Well.
- I thought it would.
Well, I finally found you in.
Now, look here. Guess what?
- We're neighbours!
- Neighbours? - Yes.
I moved in last week.
Wellington Avenue.
I couldn't believe my luck
when I got your address
from the Association.
I've called a couple
of times, but no reply.
No, I've been a bit busy.
How are things, eh?
Everything tickety-snitch, what?
I thought I heard a bit
of a party going on.
Oh, just a few business friends.
Well,
come and join us.
Oh, well, you know me.
Well, you ought to by now.
Never say no to a party.
By golly, those were the days, eh?
Oh, what about Vienna?
Oh!
- Well, come on in.
- Thanks.
Evening.
Gentlemen, I'd like you to
meet an old friend of mine,
Brigadier Bunny Warren.
I had the honour to serve
under him in 30 Corps.
Well what will you drink?
Oh, any old tipple,
I don't know, scotch?
Yes.
Bunny was telling me that
he's just become
- a neighbour of mine.
- Yes.
yeah, you know it's bloody
funny how the old water
flows under the...
I hadn't seen Norman for,
how long is it, Norman?
- Oh, it must be 1948.
- It must be.
It must be all of that. Yes.
Tell me, what are you
chaps celebrating, eh?
Well, I don't know how
you'd describe it, really.
How would you describe it, Norman?
- Cheers.
- Oh, thanks very much.
Cheers, cheers everybody, cheers.
Describe what?
Well I was just wondering
what the party was in aid of.
Mind you, never needed any excuse, myself.
Oh I say, Norman, do you remember
that Christmas at Hamburg?
Oh, that was one for the book, eh?
That'll go down in history, that one.
Yes, well if you'll excuse me, Norman,
- I think I'd better be buzzing.
- Oh, must you be going?
Yes, mustn't be too late tonight.
Well, very nice to have met you.
Yes, you too. See
you again, I hope.
I hope so, yes, well.
Thank you once again for
a lovely party, Norman,
I enjoyed every moment of it.
I'll get your coat.
Yes, I'll just say goodbye.
Well, goodbye, Padre.
I mean, well, goodbye, everybody.
Look after yourselves.
I had something with me.
- What was it?
- A dog? - No, a suitcase.
- Oh, so sorry.
- Thank you. Good show.
Well, goodbye once again.
- Well, cheerio.
- Bye-bye.
Yes, you know, that
party I was talking about,
- it was in Hamburg...
- Hamburg, really?
Oh, let me top you up.
Oh, that's jolly nice of you.
Hello, dead soldier.
Seen plenty of those in my time.
How will you get rid of him?
Oh, don't worry, I'll find a way.
I know Bunny's capacity to the last ounce.
By tomorrow morning,
this will be but a part
of a monumental hangover.
Good luck.
Thank you, sir, for
changing my way of life.
It was in the Sergeant's
Mess, as a matter of fact.
Old Wilson said he was gonna
do some conjuring tricks.
- Was he any good?
- That was the point.
No, he was no bloody
good at all.
Well, you know, he could do
the usual things, card tricks,
all that sort of stuff,
but then he announced
that he was going to attempt
something very elaborate.
How's your drink, Bunny?
All right at the moment, thanks.
I was just telling them
about Old Wilson.
well anyway, he got
someone to get him a tray
and a bottle of Steinhager.
You remember that German gin?
- Yes.
- More or less U-boat fuel.
Well, anyway, he stood in the tray
and he poured the stuff all over him.
- Oh, sacrilege.
- Yes, yes.
Well, that was it. That was it.
Then he set light to himself.
He went up like a rocket!
Of course, mind you,
we all pitched in, you know,
chaps sort of threw water
and all that sort of stuff.
But you know, it's
damned inflammable stuff,
that Steinhager, yes, poor devil.
He was at death's door for three months.
Really, he never turned a hair.
Never turned a hair.
All he said was, "Well, at least I know
"that trick doesn't
work."
Thank you. Norman,
I think, perhaps...
Yes, Norman.
Mustn't keep the little darling,
the little woman waiting.
Oh, must you go?
We've both had rather a full day.
To say nothing of a
full night coming up.
Hello, what's that in aid of?
Oh, oh!
- Off for a dirty weekend, eh?
- No.
No, just a well-earned rest.
You speak for yourself.
I'm off for a dirty year,
if I live that long.
Well, cheerio, Bunny.
Take care of that lovely red neck.
I'm awfully glad you've
moved in round here.
Very select little neighbourhood.
I know Norman's pleased,
aren't you, Norman?
It made my day.
Oh, so long, Adj.
- Ah, goodbye.
- See you in the headlines.
Yes. Keep up the
good work, Padre.
Oh, I will.
There are very few of us left, you know.
So long, all.
Lovely party, Norman, old darling.
I'll see you out.
Did I hear you call him Padre?
Oh, it's just a nickname, Bunny.
He used to be a missionary of sorts.
- Allow me.
- Oh, thank you.
Hadn't you better answer that?
Yes, I suppose I should.
Hello?
John George Norman Hyde?
This is Superintendent Wheatlock here.
Sorry, wrong number.
It was the wrong number.
Oh, my dear fellow, oh I've been plagued
with that wrong-number thing for years.
I'll never forget when
I was in Alexandria.
You know, I had one of these
machines, these telephones,
where it went, you know, that thing that...
Bunny, you just help yourself.
I'll be back in a minute.
Oh, thank you very much.
Norman, that was the police.
- Police?
- On the telephone.
What did they want?
Well, they asked for you.
I rang off.
Let's take a look around.
You try the back, I'll go upstairs.
- How is it?
- All clear.
How about the front?
No dice.
Hello. Hang on a minute, will you?
I'll fetch him.
Oh, there you are, Norman.
It wasn't the wrong number after all.
Superintendent Whitlock to see you.
Thank you, Bunny.
- Here you are.
- What's this for?
Oh here, you misunderstood me.
If you think I'm going without you,
you're very much mistaken.
Don't argue.
This way, one of us
has still got a chance.
I'll stall them off as long as I can.
At any rate, you'll get a head start.
Oh come on, this isn't
the time to do a Beau Geste.
What's going on here, the telephone...
Just a minute.
For the last time, Peter, will
you get the hell out of here?
- That's an order.
- No.
The rules don't apply any more.
Major Race, I said that's an order.
All right, Colonel.
If that's the way you want it.
Give them their money's
worth at the trial,
then flog your memoirs
to the Sunday papers.
- There's always an angle.
- That way.
Now, look here, Norman,
it's none of my business,
I mean,
you've got this blessed phone...
Yes, yes, all right,
Bunny, I'll answer it now.
Yes? Yes, this is
Colonel Hyde speaking.
Thank you, I am aware of that.
There's just one thing I'd like to know.
- Who betrayed us?
- No one betrayed you.
Just his name. That's
all I want to know.
Purely for the record.
I'm telling you,
nobody did any betraying.
I can't accept that.
All right, Colonel, for what it's worth,
the name of the person who
led us to you is Billy Miles.
I don't know anybody of that name.
Billy Miles is the
eight-year-old son of a caretaker
who lives in Eastcheap,
adjoining the bank.
He collects car numbers,
and he happened to spot
the number plates on the furniture van.
M-O-W-eight-seven-two.
And that's a Southampton
registration for private cars.
It's all very
interesting, but what is it
supposed to prove?
On its own, nothing, but do you remember
a young copper at your warehouse?
Well, he was pretty green,
he didn't know as much
about number plates as the kid.
But he did know enough to make
a note of the van's number,
and the number of your own
car standing in the yard.
That's your traitor,
Colonel, your own car.
Now look, sir, I'm afraid
if you don't come down here
within five minutes, we shall
have to come up to the house.
That won't be necessary.
I'll come to you.
Anything wrong Norman?
Can I help?
No, Bunny.
It's a long story, and you're going to
bore people to death with it.
Well, if you're ready, I'll
walk you part of the way home.
Well, I really,
I was just arriving.
What's that?
What's up, Norman?
Is the party over?
Yes, Bunny, the party's over.
The drink, and the luck, ran out.
It looks, Bunny, as if you will
have to make a night of it.
All present and correct, sir.
At ease, gentlemen.
Going on somewhere, are we, Norman?
League of Gentlemen, The (1960)
Moderator: Maskath3