03x06 - Frankfurter Sandwich

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

[WIND WHISTLING]

[DISTANT SCREAMING]

[g*nf*re]

[GLASS SHATTERING]

[DISTANT SNARLING]

[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]

[HISSING, GROWLING]

Burn in hell, zombie nun.

- [DISTANT SHOUTING]
- [CLATTERING]

[GROWLING]

Come on, hushwa breath.

♪ ♪

Zombie diddler.

[IRENE] Grandson?

- Grandson?
- Yeah?

Don't you think it's time that you

maybe started cleaning up around here?

One second, Grandma.

Let me slice my way
to a checkpoint real quick.

Well, your relatives are at the door.

They want to take you out
for some hamburgers.

[SIGHS] Could you...

Could you just tell them
I'll catch up with them later?

It's a beautiful day out there.

You could just go out on the porch

and visit them for a while.

- You know?
- Look, I'll...

I-I'll clean up today, but...

could you please, please,
please tell them

I'm sick or something?

- All right, cvpon.
- Thank you, Grandma.

But you need to get out of here.
You've been in here too long.

You're starting to look stehvtke.

[WILLIE JACK SINGING SOFTLY]

I'm sorry. Cheese has a touch
of the sniffles,

so I don't think he's gonna
make it out today.

Oh, uh, okay.

Hopefully he gets better soon.

Can you, uh, tell him we miss him?

Yeah. Tell him to quit
acting like that. f*ck.

- I knew it.
- For f*ck's sake, man.

[DIALING]

[LINE RINGING]

[SLICING SOUND EFFECTS]

[ZOMBIE MOANING]

[BLADE CLANGING]

That's worse than I thought.

Yeah.

Come on, come on.

Have fun.

- Geez, it's bright.
- Yep, I got him.

Let's get rolling.

I still don't know what's going on.

[LAUGHS] Don't worry about it.

Just go with your uncles.
They'll take good care of you.

How long you been
in that room? Whole week?

I don't know. What day is it?

Friday, sh*t.

Ooh, time flies
when you're fighting zombies.

- You guys want to try it?
- Uh-uh.

Nah, young'n, we fight real zombies,

not fake ones on TV.

What kind of zombies
do you guys fight?

Ones you can't see.

The guilt in your hearts?

- [BIG] Hey.
- [LAUGHTER]

No.

Society. Racists.

Bad guys.

- Mainstream science.
- [BIG] Yeah.

The Man.

Then what are you guys doing here?

We're on a mission.

Operation: Nephew Rescue.

- [BIG] Ho!
- [BUCKY] Hop in.

Oh.

[BIG] Holy sh*t, you kind of stink.

♪ ♪

♪ Well, we spent last winter ♪

♪ Dancing at the king's ballroom... ♪

[SONG CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY
OVER TRUCK STEREO]

[MUSIC STOPS, ENGINE SHUTS OFF]

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

- [CHUCKLES]
- What are we doing out here?

[BIG] Field trips.

National history museum.

Real history museum.

We're gonna go in there,

and we're gonna catch some fish,

and you're gonna learn to provide.

And then you're gonna learn
to be a man today.

Ah! [GRUNTS, LAUGHS]

You're running point.

I don't even know what that means.

It means you lead the way.

[LAUGHING]

What if we don't catch any fish?

I brought some frankfurter sandwiches.

- No worries.
- Skoden.

- ♪ Frankfurter ♪
- Sko.

♪ Frankfurter ♪

♪ Frankfurter sandwiches. ♪

- [BIRDS SINGING]
- [MACHETE CHOPPING]

[CHEESE] Come on, men.

There's no time to rest.

If you ain't moving,
you ain't surviving.

Go that way.

Holy f*ck. sh*t.

He's gonna dull my blade.

[CHEESE] It's already dull.

[BIG] Hey, you ever put
a tent together?

- [CHEESE] I haven't.
- [BIG] Come on.

- I'll show you.
- [BROWNIE] sh*t.

[LAUGHS] We're Indian.
We don't sleep in no tent.

Might as well bring
your whole house out here.

I sleep in a hammock.

Yeah, under all these trees,

that owl's gonna sh*t
on your ol' beady eyes.

Well, it's a good thing I sleep
with my eyes closed, unlike you.

Hey, y'all watch.

He sleeps with his eyes wide
open like a damn stekini.

It's to keep an eye on you.

Oh, f*ck, they're gonna fight.

- Here.
- You look like a dead man.

I'll show you dead man, up your bum.

Yeah, yeah, you wish.

[BUCKY] Take me away.

- Go ahead, then.
- f*ck you want me to do?

Holy sh*t.

Do you have instructions?

Yeah, I got some instructions.

Hold on. Hold on there.

Look at their eyes. Huh.

- Look at that.
- [BIG] Quit that sh*t.

Pay attention.

Watch how I do it.

Take one of these little minnows
right here like this, see?

Mm-hmm.

All right. Hook him right there.

By the gill.

And go like that.

All right. Now you do it.

Aren't these supposed to be alive?

[BIG] Just put it on the hook.

[CHEESE] Okay.

Holy sh*t. Give it here, then.

Damn.

Ah.

The great outdoors.

[BIG] Thought we talked
about this, Brownie.

sh*t.

Said you wouldn't blaze up
in front of the kid, g*dd*mn it.

It's not a drug. It's medicine.

That sh*t will slow your brain down.

That's the point.

What's Bucky doing?

[BROWNIE] Oh, that's the
old Muscogee way of fishing.

Drunk root.

They grind that root down,
pound it down to a powder,

then they splash it
around the water like that,

and the fish are
supposed to get drunk.

And then they just
float up to the surface

and you grab 'em
and you put 'em in your bag!

[LAUGHS]

You know, that's
actually a pretty good idea.

Scaring the fish away
is what he's doing!

Bucky! Hey. Quit that.

Holy sh*t, that guy.

Hey, you can join me out
here if you want to, cvpon.

You know, it just rained a lot,

so there's probably
a lot of E. coli, so...

No, thanks.

What the f*ck's E. coli?

[CHEESE] So, you just...

throw it out, reel it in...

[CHUCKLES]

...and eat it?

This is riveting.

Nah, that's not what it's about.

You got to change that
colonized mindset, nephew.

You know, it's not about the fish.

You got to turn that
internal pressure gauge off.

Got your mind going so fast.

Look at that dirt on the ground.

Go ahead, touch it.

Pick it up. Take a good look at it.

Smell it.

[SNIFFS]

There's nothing like that
anywhere else in the world.

It exists only here.

And you're a big part
of that right now.

Take a big breath.

[INHALES]

That air you're taking
in is all the medicine

and chemicals from all these trees

going right into your lungs.

[LAUGHS] That's healing.

Now, quiet.

Listen real good.

[BIRDS SINGING]

[LEAVES RUSTLING]

[BUZZING]

[SPLASHING]

[SOFT RUSTLING]

- What am I listening for?
- Shh.

Listen.

[FARTS]

- [LAUGHS]
- Gross!

- Disgusting.
- That's it.

That's it. That's what it's
all about, see?

It's about us being out
here in nature together.

[CHEESE] I'm just gonna
keep my mouth covered

till the smell goes away.

- [BROWNIE CHUCKLES]
- [BIG] Oh, f*ck, got bites.

- [BUCKY] Hey.
- [BROWNIE] Get it, get it.

- g*dd*mn it.
- [BROWNIE] Oh.

sh*t, I had one.

[BUCKY] Ah.

[LAUGHS]

Quit f*cking cheating, Bucky.

Fucker.

It ain't right.

♪ Frankfurter sandwich. ♪

This is the key.

Get some good oil,
some Himalayan salt.

Can't go wrong.

I carry this stuff with me
everywhere I go.

It's good medicine.

So, um...

What's going on with you, youngblood?

I don't know, it's...

My friends are older than I am,

and it just feels like the differences

between me and them are just
getting bigger and bigger.

Eventually, they'll find
other people and...

leave me behind.

Like everyone else.

Guess I'm just...

consciously pushing them away.

I don't know.

Well, you know...

we're all connected
on a molecular level.

So, even if you're not seeing them,

the, uh, quantum thread

cannot be disentangled.

What?

Uh, let me put it this way.

Uh, the soul contract

cannot be, um, untethered.

What?

These are bonds you
don't want to break.

Food almost ready?

Almost.

Uh, I'm gonna need some
more firewood, though, soon.

Aho. Cheese. Sko.

Holy sh*t, hurry up.

Take you out here in the woods
and introduce you to Bigfoot.

♪ ♪

Got to be on the lookout
when you're out here.

Bigfoot country.

Get reports on him all the time.

Big, do you really believe in Bigfoot?

One doesn't believe in Bigfoot.

Bigfoot don't care
if you believe or not.

He's out there.

What if you never seen a dog?

Or a rhinoceros?

Somebody showed you a drawing,
said this is out there?

sh*t, you'd think they was crazy.

Humans are stupid.

Never forget that.

I guess I just wish
I could see one, you know,

if they're... if they're
really out there.

Hey, quit that.
Don't be calling up spirits.

Sure as sh*t they'll show up.

Spit on that ground.

Spit so those thoughts leave
your head in that way.

Holy Christ.

I seen him. Four of 'em.

- For real?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I was about your age.

Just alone out in the woods
when I saw them.

[CHEESE] Were they hairy?

[BIG] Well, they all
were kind of, back then.

You know, women didn't shave.

I actually liked it better.

It's organtic.

What?

Huh?

Oh, yeah, Bigfoot.

Yeah, f*ck.
What, do you think he shaved?

[CHEESE] I don't know.

[BIG] Started with that smell.

[CHEESE] What'd it smell like?

[BIG] Hard to explain.

[SNIFFS]

[CHEESE] If you had to describe it.

Stink.

[RUSTLING]

[CHEESE] What'd it do?

[BIG] It just kind of...
stared at me a long time.

Felt like forever.

Yeah, I remember I had one tear

just kind of fall down
my cheek real slow-like.

[CHEESE] Then what happened?

Shh. Christ.

I'm sorry, it's just...

You're good at storytelling.
Full of suspense, you know?

I know.

Then they just walked away.

Oh.

That's... anticlimactic.

So what lesson did
you get from that, hmm?

[CHEESE]
Don't be a pervert in the woods?

[BIG] No. sh*t.

Sometimes we need to cry
even though we don't know it?

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, that's right, aho, aho.

Also Bigfoot is real. Hmm?

Says you.

Shitass.

- What are you even looking for?
- Kindling.

Get that fire going.

Ah, good greens, good greens.

Oh, got the good greens for you here.

Mm, you're gonna love it.

And I got a homemade hot sauce here

that you need to just sprinkle.

One dab will do ya.

Let me have that.

Oh, mvto, mvto.

You know, fish just don't
taste the same

after I busted those fish f*ckers.

- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah, you got to drench it in hot sauce.

[BUCKY] I'm warning you.

Ah, sh*t, I eat hot coals.

I eat ghost peppers like candy.

There we go.

Ho.

[GRUNTS]

Bon appétit.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm. Good.

[RUMBLING]

[COUGHING]

- Holy f*ck, Bucky.
- [LAUGHTER]

Jesus Christ, what was in that sh*t?

I told you.

It's my own mix of ghost
peppers and jalapeños.

But, uh, you know,
the type doesn't matter.

It's how you grow it.
But, and when I tell you

that one dab will do you...

[LAUGHTER]

I'll f*cking arrest your g*dd*mn ass.

♪ Life was filled with g*ns and w*r ♪

♪ And everyone got trampled
on the floor ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I wish we'd all been ready ♪

♪ Children d*ed, the days grew cold ♪

♪ A piece of bread
could buy a bag of gold... ♪

[ALL SIGHING]

♪ I wish we'd all been ready... ♪

You ever sword-fight?

Hey, quit that. sh*t.

Ugh. [SIGHS]

[BIRDS SINGING]

So, what now?

This.

- This?
- [BIG] Yeah.

This is what we do in the woods.

You're just not used to it.

You guys don't play charades
or guessing games?

[SIGHS]

- [CHEESE] I have an idea.
- Huh?

Why don't we do
something that I learned

when I was at the boys' home?

So, we'd get a stick...

- Yeah?
- Person who has the stick

would talk,
and then we'd pass it around.

I'll go first.

My name's Cheese.

My pronouns are he, him and his.

Ah, sh*t.

And...

I think I'm a pretty happy person.

Generally speaking.

Um...

[CHUCKLES]

I'm Brownie.

I'm a sex addict.

- [EXCLAIMS] f*ck.
- [LAUGHTER]

[BROWNIE] And, um...

[LAUGHTER]

And...

uh, I guess I'm glad to be here.

[LAUGHTER]

Hello. This thing working?

[CHUCKLING]

Ah, well, I'm... I'm Bucky.

And, uh, my pronouns
are the same as Cheese's.

[BIG GRUNTS]

- I'm just happy to be here.
- [BIG] Aho.

Well, see? We're getting somewhere.

[BIG] Ah.

[CHEESE] How about
you, Big? How you feeling?

What do you mean?

Your emotions. How you feeling?

[SIGHS]

Well...

I'm Big and...

oh, I don't know, sh*t.

Well, I guess I realized that I've...

been bottling up a lot of pain.

You know, as men, you know, we're...

taught not to recognize
those feelings and...

[BIG CLEARS THROAT]

And, um...

Lost a friend.

Two of 'em.

Ah, I put that all on myself.

But I knew in my heart, you know?

I was... I was trying to help.

I was trying to be a... a good man.

You know what?

I was just...

avoiding it, you know?

And that guilt.

f*ck, it started
eating me up in that way.

I realized that we all
make mistakes. [SNIFFLES]

And it's okay.

[SOBBING]

Let it out.

- [CRYING]
- All right.

Just let it all out.

[CRYING CONTINUES]

[BUCKY] Okay.

W-We had a friend that we lost.

- He d*ed?
- No.

We just lost him.

He...

I-I don't think he
knew that he could...

rely on us.

He...

Yeah.

He-he had nobody.

Uh... [CLEARS THROAT]

And, uh...

[CLEARS THROAT]

You remind us of that friend.

His name was Maximus.

And your grandma...

she saw you were pulling away,
you know, like him.

And...

something happened, you know?

- We didn't believe him.
- [BIG SNIFFLES]

He needed us, and, um...

We turned our back on him.

I mean, there was...

no way you could've known.

[BUCKY] I should've.

I should've known 'cause...

Well, we're just men, you know?

We don't know everything.

- We make mistakes and...
- [BIG SOBBING]

We don't know sh*t!

[SOBBING]

[BIG, BUCKY AND BROWNIE SOBBING]

[CHEESE] You know...

this was more
effective than I thought.

I don't know Maximus,

but I promise I won't
turn out like him.

[BIG] Okay.

I have you guys.

I have my grandma.

My friends.

[BUCKY] Yeah.

And I'll, uh...

...see them as much as I can.

Yeah. That's good. Yeah.

[BLOWING NOSE]

[BIG] Aho, sh*t.

Let's go watch that sunset, huh?

About to get dark.

[SNIFFLES]

- [BROWNIE] Yeah.
- Oh!

I have to make a phone call first.

Yeah, thank you all for bringing
out this bounty, youngbloods.

- Aho. - Aho.
- Aho.

Now we're living off
the fat of the land.

[LIGHT LAUGHTER]


♪ ♪

♪ Ignore the days
I left you here alone ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Dream of some... ♪

[GRUNTING]

♪ Hours hold up your dream now ♪

♪ What we need. ♪

♪ ♪