02x09 - Isabel

[bunniefuu]

[ISABEL GULPING]

[SIGHS] That's much
better. [INHALES SHARPLY]

[SIGHS] What are we talking about?

You said you saw the m*rder happen.

- Yes.
- And that it wasn't Grace.

Even though you were the one who
accused her in the first place.

If I have somehow upset you, mea culpa.

Mmm. [INHALES DEEPLY] So...

Are you sure you witnessed
the actual poisoning?

I know what I saw.

Now, I know what you all think of me.

I'm just cold, haughty,
intimidatingly beautiful.

But it isn't easy being Isabel Minnows.

I'm a proud woman, and
it's been a difficult year.

Mine is a classic story
filled with suspense, paranoia

and a deep descent into madness.

[ISABEL] You see, last year
my husband d*ed very suddenly.

Not a dry eye in sight today, dear.

You would've hated it.

- Mother, you're trembling.
- No. [SIGHS] I'm fine.

Well, you're shivering,
then. Here, take my coat.

[SIGHS] No. Stop fussing.

- I'm fine. [SOBS]
- Do you want my coat?

[ISABEL] No. I want to leave now

before I have to talk to
any more senators' wives.

[EDGAR] Haven't seen
her this upset since

they opened the country
club to Italians.

Why were there so many flowers?

- Well, flowers are traditional, Mother.
- [SIGHS]

Well, soon they'll all
be as dead as your father.

Isabel, um, why don't you
come stay with us for a bit?

We can grieve together as a family.

[ISABEL] They were worried about me.

They had every reason
to be. I was unraveling.

[CLOCK CHIMES]

Alexander.

d*ed in your sleep, and
I can't get any of my own.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

[ISABEL] Edgar got me
sleeping pills from our doctor.

But they were no help.

Basil, bay leaf,
celery... No, black pepper.

Yes. No, chili powder, chili powder.

No, carda... cardamom.
We've got the curry.

- We've got, um...
- Mother?

Yes, hello.

It's : in the morning.
Why are you awake?

What are you doing awake?

I'm up to do my morning
laps before the markets open.

Well, your spices were all out of order.

You woke up in the middle of
the night to organize my spices?

[ISABEL] It was absurd, I knew it.
But as I said, I'm a proud woman.

Well, somebody had to do it.

You should fire that maid.
Publicly, if possible.

[ISABEL] I didn't want Edgar
to know I was suffering.

But with each passing day,
it became more difficult

- to pretend nothing was wrong.
- When will you accept they're the same?

- Bucephalus is digital dollars.
- [CLICKS TONGUE] No.

A dollar is a piece of
government propaganda.

Why, there's a president's
face stamped right on it.

Bucephalus is superior.

Mother? Mother, do you hear me?

[HANNAH] It's like
she's on another planet.

What? No. I don't like
it when you talk politics.

It's gauche.

Well, we were talking
about my cryptocurrency.

Well, I don't like fads, toaster
ovens, Slinkys, Michael Bublé.

Please make me a drink.

Isabel, you have one. It's in your hand.

[GASPS] But it's gin.

And I don't like gin.

- No, you definitely do.
- Yes, you do.

You drank it every day when
you were pregnant with Edgar.

You told me your safe word
with Father was "Seagram's."

Fine. I like gin.

[ISABEL] And I could
feel them judging me.

Their pity only made it worse.

And the sleeping pills
still did nothing.

I started to think I
was really going mad.

- [SIGHS]
- [HAUNTING CHORAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[EDGAR] No, I cannot have a
personal assistant with adult braces.

It's a sign of weakness.

Can you please turn down the
music? I can't hear myself think.

I don't know what Rosh Hashanah is,

but no, you may not have the day off.

I'm sorry. What music?

Those awful children singing gibberish.

Apologies. I'll... I'll call
you back. Something's come up.

It's a haunting rendition of that
god-awful pop song your father liked.

Oh, Mother. [SIGHS] There is no music.

[MUSIC STOPS]

Well, now there's not.

- Look at you.
- [SIGHS] Oh.

- You're not sleeping.
- No.

- Now you're hearing things. What...
- Yes.

- What's becoming of my mother?
- [GROANS]

You've been through a terrible shock.

- Yes.
- No one expected Father to die...

- No.
- ... in that plane crash.

Wait a minute. You said your
husband d*ed in his sleep.

He fell asleep flying his plane
while his passengers screamed

as they plummeted to a
fiery death from the sky.

But that's beside the point.
What's important here is...

My God, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm just making a
little casket for Roxana.

What's important is that I was
coming undone in front of Edgar.

And... [SNIFFS] ... Hannah,
my sweet, odd bird.

And I mean, I value her
opinion above anyone's.

Wait, you do?

I didn't... You've never
told me that before.

- Well, how would I?
- Just sort of like you just did.

But I'm not... [STAMMERS]
... telling you. I'm telling them.

I mean, what do you want me to do?

Tell you that I care about you,
to your face, while we're alone?

- That'd be really nice.
- No, that's absurd.

Have you considered
talking to a therapist?

Or perhaps a priest?

- I know a wonderful shaman in Istanbul.
- [CELL PHONE BUZZES]

He's also an exceptional
close-up erotic magician.

Really? Fascinating. No, thank you.

Yeah, okay, that's all great.

- And I mean, I'm a little curious...
- [DOOR CLOSES]

... in what makes the magic erotic?

- He does d*ck tricks.
- [ANIQ] Okay. Yeah.

What's important is, can we please
get back to the m*rder-witnessing?

Okay. While I was coming undone,

- Edgar was moving on.
- [DOOR CLOSES]

Where are the olives? You can't
have a luncheon without olives.

Green olives. Black olives.
Where are the olives?

I apologize for her. She's very
passionate about stone fruit.

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Oh, you've arrived.

Mother, there is someone I am
very excited for you to meet.

- Oh. [CHUCKLES]
- Mrs. Minnows,

it is such a pleasure to
finally make your acquaintance.

Oh, and it's such a
delight to meet you, Gail.

- Mother.
- What?

I told you, her name is Grace.

No, you... you said last
night at Scrabble that...

This is not up for debate.

Where are the olives?

[ISABEL] How did I get it
wrong? It didn't make any sense.

Mother, I've started seeing someone,

and I'd like to invite
her to lunch tomorrow

if you feel you can handle it.

Well, of course I can.
I've told you I'm fine.

This woman, she means the world to me.

And I kn... I know she's incredibly
eager to meet you as well.

- Oh.
- Her name is...

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Ah.

[EDGAR] Where is she going?

[ISABEL] Grace. A five-letter
word for my insanity.

You're embarrassing me on purpose.

Oh, come on. Gail. Grace.

What difference does
it make? Nobody cares.

Um, I care.

- I care too.
- Of course you do, Grace.

- [SIGHS]
- Ignore her.

[CHUCKLES] I've tried to help you,

but I am afraid you are madder than
a mad hatter at a hat haberdashery.

Huh, I really like that
'cause it's a tongue twister.

[BOTH] Madder than a mad
hatter at a hat haberdashery.

[ISABEL] I was devastated,
but they were right.

And things were only getting worse.

The, um, sword that you ordered is here.

Sword. What sword?

I didn't order an oriental sword.

Oh, I don't think that
you can call it that.

Well, it's a mistake.

Okay, well, your name
is on the packing slip.

Purchased by. Sent to.

[ISABEL] I had no memory of it.

Oh, that sword.

[ISABEL] And it didn't stop.

Isabel, I'm in the bath.

- Why did you order a suit of armor?
- I didn't.

There is a full suit of armor outside,

and I most certainly did not order it.

Or did I?

- [HELMET CLATTERS]
- Isabel?

Are you feeling all right?

'Cause I'm actually
having a really hard time.

[ISABEL] So I told myself...

Get over it.

[INHALES DEEPLY] Okay.

[ISABEL] But I couldn't get over
it, so I decided to give in to it.

- What is all this?
- Oh.

They call it a trampoline.

A trampoline?

Watch. Watch Mommy jump.

The mother I know does not bounce.

Look at Roxana. She's mortified.
She's literally about to barf.

Today it's a trampoline. Yesterday
it was a suit of armor, a sword.

You don't remember ordering
any of this, I can tell.

I refuse to stand by and watch
you fritter away everything

that Father worked so hard to create.

You're being very aggressive with me.

Father is dead.

He d*ed in that plane crash
into the Adirondack Mountains,

where his charred bones were
likely chewed upon by wolves.

That means that it is my job
to look after this family,

and I will do that.

I've spoken to Dr. Shulkind.

He thinks that it's time that
we discuss conservatorship.

A conservatorship.

[ISABEL] I'd be coddled like a child.

Controlled. A fate worse than death.

What are you doing?

You're collapsing so slowly.

[ISABEL] I knew Dr. Shulkind
would be at the wedding.

And if I wanted my freedom,
I would have to prove to him,

somehow, that I was fine.

Even if I wasn't sure I was.

Dr. Shulkind.

Good evening.

We're so happy you could
join us this weekend.

Edgar tells me you've been
feeling under the weather.

Trouble sleeping. Forgetfulness.

No, not at all. I've never
felt better, actually.

How are your...

"three children and zero pets"?

Just fine.

- Isabel, uh, who's Gail?
- Oh.

Gail? Gail?

You designed these napkins, didn't you?

[STAMMERS]

Was there some kind of mistake?

No. No.

It was an inside joke with
my new daughter-in-law.

What joke? Explain it to us.

Well, a joke isn't funny
if you have to explain it.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Hello, Mrs. Edgar's Mother.

Your son's up to no good.

What are you talking about?

- His crypto schemes.
- What do you know?

Don't play dumb. "Oh,
I'm the crazy old lady.

Oh, where are my keys?
How does a phone work?"

[VIVIAN GASPS]

- Mother.
- [SIGHS] He cradled my heinie.

Ow! Are you wearing your rings?

Am I bleeding? 'Cause
I taste blood. [GRUNTS]

[ISABEL] But after I hit him, it hit me.

Cryptocurrency. That's
what this is all about.

[DANNER] Hold up. Back it up a sec.

What does Edgar's crypto
stuff have to do with you?

My mental state was deteriorating,

and my son's response
to that was not sympathy.

He just used it as a chance
to get his claws in my money.

Mmm, that doesn't make sense.

Edgar already had more money
than any man could ever spend.

[HANNAH] That's true. We're Getty rich.

Sometimes I wonder why haven't
I been kidnapped for ransom?

Come on. Edgar may have
been a bit obsessive,

but he wasn't a monster.

And yet, he's dead. And
one of us here k*lled him.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

I know you're there.

I can smell vomit and...
[SNIFFS] ... pistachios?

[SIGHS] Touché. You caught me.

I was dropping some eaves.

Yes, you have all the
stealth of an ice cream van.

So...

[GRUNTING]

So, you don't really
seem that interested

in Isabel's woven yarns up there, huh?

Don't need Isabel to tell
me that Edgar was a wrong'un.

Sure, but you're a bit of
a wrong'un also, aren't you?

You can probably guess
I know what you're up to.

This puppy does more
than just get slapped.

[CELL PHONE BUZZING]

Sorry, got to take this.

Oh, I've got to get
this business call also.

Or make it.

- Talk to me.
- Hey, Mom. [SIGHS]

So you really think Edgar
was interested in your money?

I don't think it. I know it.

I even tried to call my lawyer
to make sure I was protected.

Have him call me immediately.

[ISABEL] But apparently he
doesn't take calls at midnight.

[KNOCKING]

Who's there?

Sebastian, what are you doing here?

Mind if I come in?

What do you want?

Oh. Uh, what on earth are you doing?

Can't you see that I'm mad about you?

- Just mad about you.
- Oh. [GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS, INHALES DEEPLY]

Oh, Sebby, Sebby, Sebby, Sebby.

[INHALES DEEPLY] You have no
idea what I've gone through,

how I've suffered.

[SIGHS] Take me. Take me now.

Well, I wouldn't want to
force you into anything.

How about a safe word? Something
that you would never forget.

- Oh.
- Something like...

the name of your late husband's horse.

What was it again?

- Alexander's horse?
- Yes.

Come on, you must remember.
What was it called?

Did Edgar send you here?

Absolutely not.

He thinks I'm losing my mind,
and you're here to prove it.

What on earth? Are you mad?

Do I look mad?

Is that a samurai sword?

No, you can't call it that anymore.

You tell Edgar that he might
think I am a complete loony tune

but that my money is mine! Mine!

Obviously, Edgar sent his best friend

and business partner to seduce me.

What? Oh, God.

You're all such prudes.

I mean, he gets to have
erotic close-up magic,

and I don't get anything.

It's really extraordinary.

But the whole thing had me uneasy.

The morning of the wedding, I
was walking on a Kn*fe's edge.

- This is for you.
- [BOTH GASP]

Hairpin. Heirloom.

Oh. [CHUCKLES]

This hairpin has been worn by
five generations of Minnows brides.

You can put it right there.

[ISABEL] The prenup.
Edgar was after my money.

And if, God forbid, he lost all of his

with that idiotic digital Ponzi scheme,

then his poor, literally poor,
bride would be left with nothing.

Word of advice.

It's important that you sign this

regardless of what happens
between you and Edgar.

You get...

[WHISPERS] ... one million dollars.

Sign it.

[GRACE] Wait, you
were trying to help me?

Of course, I was. You're a Minnows now.

We look out for our own.

Wow. [SIGHS] Thank you.

- I did keep my last name though.
- What?

Uh. [STAMMERS] Need a minute.

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

[BELCHES]

Okay, where were we?

Oh.

We take the same sleeping pills.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Those aren't sleeping pills.

Why, they're the
opposite. It's Adderall.

- Adderall?
- They'll keep you up all night.

- Sleeping pills. What a riot.
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]

[CHUCKLING]

[ISABEL] I hadn't slept in
months. But my sleeping pills?

Adderall? It couldn't be.

But they're identical.

[ISABEL] It was Edgar
who got me those pills.

- [SIGHS]
- Oh, Mother, there is no music.

You don't remember ordering
any of this, I can tell.

[ECHOING] Was there
some kind of mistake?

[EDGAR] I told you her name is Grace.

You're embarrassing me on purpose.

I've tried to help you, but
I am afraid you are madder

than a mad hatter at a hat haberdashery.

[ISABEL] It was Edgar.
He was behind all of it.

Look, this is one of the
sleeping pills you were giving me.

This is an Adderall.

Look at them, they're
exactly the same. Explain it.

Oh, Mother. These
pills are nothing alike.

Why, this pill is light blue,
whereas this pill is dark blue.

You don't know which way is up.

- Let's get Dr. Shulkind.
- No. No, I'm fine. I'm fine.

I see it. I s... I see it.

They're so different, I don't
know why I didn't see it before.

Mother, this is my wedding day.

Are you certain

that you are not going to embarrass
Grace and me during your toast?

You're already so nervous
about public speaking.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I've
already printed out my speech.

Stick to the script.

[ISABEL] He was lying. He had to be.

And why the sudden interest in my toast?

Of course, the public
spectacle of it all.

He wanted to embarrass me,

and to prove to Dr.
Shulkind that I was insane.

So I laid a trap.

If he tampered with my
speech, I would know it.

Ma'am? Mother of the groom.

Can we have someone hold on to your bag?

[STAMMERS] I could hold the bag.

- [SEBASTIAN] And perhaps the lizard.
- No.

Mother, let me give your bag to Aniq.

[ISABEL] He took my purse,
just as I thought he would.

But I was on to him, I
wouldn't let it out of my sight.

[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]

[VIVIAN WHISPERS] Isabel.

[ZOË WHISPERING] Isabel.

[SEBASTIAN WHISPERING] Isabel.

[HANNAH WHISPERING] Isabel.

[LAUGHING]

[SEBASTIAN LAUGHING]

[ZOË WHISPERING] Isabel.

[ISABEL] And then suddenly, he was gone.

No.

[ISABEL] So I had a few drinks
and looked everywhere for him.

- You.
- Me?

Oh, I wasn't doing anything.

Give it to me.

It's now time for the mother
of the groom to say a few words.

- Give me the purse.
- [APPLAUSE]

Don't touch it.

[ISABEL] The moment of truth.

If my dear son was
gaslighting me for my money,

I was about to know for certain.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[ISABEL] No star. He
switched the speech.

I had him. But no, he had me.

A public spectacle was
exactly what he wanted.

This is not my speech! My
speech had a star on it.

Edgar switched the speech.

It's been Edgar this
whole time, the pills,

the... the... the music, the
metal man, the trampoline.

All the people everywhere.

Sadly, you're mentally ill.

Take her away.

It's not my speech.

[ISABEL] If I say my speech
was switched, I'd look insane.

If I read whatever he wrote
for me, it was the same fate.

So I chose the lesser of two
evils. The only way out was through.

"You have so many
relationships in this life.

Only one or two will last.

You go through all the pain and strife,

then you turn your back
and they're gone so fast.

Yeah, gone so fast.

So hold on to the ones who really care.

In the end they'll be
the only ones there.

And when you grow old and
start losing your hair,

can you tell me who will still care?"

Mmm bop.

Biddy bop, doo-wop, doo-wop.

Oh, wah-ha-ha. Biddy
bop, doo-wop, doo-wop.

Oh, yeah. Oh, uh-huh.

Oh... Mmm bop.

Biddy bop, doo-wop, d-doo-wop.

Yeah.

- [APPLAUSE]
- [ANIQ] Oh, my God.

That wasn't just babbling?

- And those are the lyrics to "MMMBop"?
- Yes.

- I love Hanson.
- [ZOË, GRACE] You do?

Alexander just loved them.

♪ Mmm bop, bada du bop... ♪

[SCATTING] ♪ ... bop dada du bop... ♪

[VOCALIZING]

Anyhoo.

I'll get those deal
points to you right away.

- More to come.
- Yes, more to come.

Uh, I'm gonna crunch that data, stat.

Gotta go, Mom. Bye. Kisses.

Travis, what do you want?

Okay, so at first,

yeah, I thought that Edgar was
trying to pull some sort of exit scam.

You fake your death,
you steal the money.

But now I think I'm
on to the real grift.

Oh, yeah? Enlighten me.

Well, here's the verdict, Paul Newman.

How long is this going to take?

It seems to me that Edgar
was inflating the value

of "Busyphilis" by investing his
own assets through shell companies.

And now here you are,
scrambling to sell it all off

because you know that the word is
going to get out that he croaked.

And then his little coin will
be worth less than MoviePass.

Wow, I have to say,

apart from your
pronunciation of Bucephalus,

that was entirely correct.

Very impressed. Not that it matters.

Of course it matters. It matters
to the people who trusted you.

It matters to the people who
believed in Bucep... Bu... the thing.

Bucephalus.

You know, you rich guys think you can

just get away with anything, don't you?

Because we can.

[SIGHS] Travis. A little
word of advice, if I may.

The house always wins.

You don't have to do that.

So, don't try to b*at the house.

You become the house.

[WHIMPERS]

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS] That was awesome.

So there I was. I had wiggled
out of his little trap.

But I knew he wouldn't give up.

[ISABEL] He still wanted my money.

He needed me out of the way to get it.

And Edgar always had two ways to win.

I'm on to your games, Edgar.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, Mother. You're
paranoid. You're delusional.

Stop being obstinate and have some cake.

What did you do to it?

Special delivery. Mr.
Feng wants you to try this.

No, thank you.

Ah. Mr. Feng said I cannot
take no for an answer.

He said no noes.

At first, I thought
he meant like no nose,

like your nose, but I used context clues

- and he just wanted me to...
- Here's a context clue.

Shove your cold snack up your keister
and make like a tree, bing boy.

Walk away.

Oh, cake.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm. Bop.

Edgar d*ed later that night.

So, you see, I know who k*lled him...

because it was me.

But only because he was
trying to k*ll his own mother.

The cake just reached the wrong target.

So, wait, you knew this,

and you still spent all
day accusing Grace? Why?

My God, calm down. I was scared.
Haven't you ever been scared?

And I wasn't sure if I was...
[STAMMERS] ... imagining the whole thing.

He had me so mixed up.

If I had said to you I suspected

that Edgar was switching
my pharmaceuticals,

deliberately driving
me mad, gaslighting me,

you would've thought the crazy old lady

that you've all been talking
about was certifiably insane.

So, I chose the next most
logical suspect, which was you.

But later this morning...

- It's all going smoothly.
- Mm-hmm.

No hiccups yet. We'll get this done.

- [CELL PHONE BUZZING]
- Well, it has to happen now.

- Yeah.
- Now.

Oh! [GRUNTS]

[SEBASTIAN SPEAKS
INDISTINCTLY] It's Sebastian.

Why is that door open?

Hello? Hello?

Is someone in there?

My son.

[SIGHS]

Gotcha!

[SIGHS]

See, I knew that I had
ordered the correct napkins.

- Damn.
- [ISABEL] Edgar must have switched them.

My only son was ruthless from the start.

Oh, my God. I can't believe
I almost married this guy.

- You did marry him.
- Oh, yeah.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

What did I miss? [SIGHS]

Isabel k*lled Edgar.

Really?

- Huh.
- Okay. So, is that it?

- Did we solve it?
- Yes. Case closed.

Isabel k*lled her own son,
who also k*lled himself.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Well, wait a second.

[ALL] Aw.

We got a confession.

I-I know, it's... it's just...

The cake switch, this
was at the reception?

Right after the wedding?

Yes, how many times do you need me
to explain how I k*lled my own son?

You didn't k*ll him though.

- No. [STAMMERS]
- No!

Edgar hallucinated before he d*ed.

Which is a symptom of devil's trumpet.

- That's right.
- And thanks to Travis...

Um, what... what did I do?

We know for sure that
hallucinations begin

about minutes after
you drink the poison.

Not too many side effects, other
than a couple of day terrors.

But there was still another
minutes of dancing

after Edgar ate the cake before
the after-party even started.

The timeline doesn't match up.

Okay, but the cake could have
been poisoned with something else?

- Roxana didn't eat any cake.
- That's true.

Edgar said explicitly
she didn't like cake.

- She didn't.
- [VIVIAN] Okay.

So if Isabel didn't
k*ll Edgar, then who did?

Izzy? You in there?

Oh, is that Howie? Oh.

- Hello, beautiful.
- [SIGHS]

The police? Why are they here so soon?

Oh, I finished up my
business and called them.

All right, folks. I'm told
there was a m*rder here.

Yes. And the bride did it.

Oh, come on!