A leading pensions expert
has stated that...
...many people's expectations
of their retirement incomes...
...were likely to be optimistic...
...and that in reality millions
will face retirement poverty.
The latest figures
have come at a time...
...when pensioners
are already feeling...
...very unsure about their futures.
Social Services fear
that this growing uncertainty...
...may lead to some pensioners
taking desperate measures...
...in order to get by.
Hello. Have you seen outside
your window today?
It's a beautiful spring morning
in the South West.
That's what we like to see.
But make the most of it...
...because storms are forecast
for later on in the week.
But coming up
we've got the Henley W.I...
And our brain of Bristol quiz...
Can anyone knock Kevin
from Keynsham...
...off his five week
run at the top?
We'll soon find out.
Stay tuned for your chance...
...to win the quiz of a lifetime.
Morning, my love.
Thank you, Arthur.
Dear. Thank you.
As a little reward, why don't you
pop in for a cuddle?
Got lots to do.
Thought I'd better
make a good start.
-Morning, George.
-Morning, Arthur.
Morning, Iris.
How are you today?
You're late.
Martha made you a cottage pie.
I prefer shepherd's pie.
If an adult human
has a full set of teeth...
...how many is that?
-Thirty-four.
-I've only got a few in me head...
...so I'm not really one to ask.
Thirty-four.
I know it's more than thirty
but I'm not sure.
Come on, numskull.
Everyone knows it's thirty-four.
-It's thirty...
-Thirty-four.
I'm gonna have to hurry you, Kevin.
-I'm gonna say thirty-two.
-Correct.
What board game was invented
in nineteen thirty two...
...by an unemployed...
Come on in,
he's just in the bedroom.
Is that my Steven?
Pot Noodle, you said?
It's all I got.
When I said
it weren't proper food...
...they locked me in me room.
Said I were having a turn and...
...needed me rest.
But I'll tell you, Arthur.
I know whether I'm having...
...one of my bleeding turns or not.
Mr. Goode...
...I can assure you
the residents receive...
...a balanced nutritional offering.
-A what?
-A nutritional offering.
Calorific intake.
What they eat.
Well, why didn't you say so?
I think we're getting off
the point.
We ourselves were concerned
whether pot noodles were fit...
...for purpose and removed them
from the offering.
The reaction amongst
the residents wasn't positive...
...to say the least.
So we re-offered them.
As for being locked in his room...
...the roster shows Mr. Wilkins
was assisted to his room...
...when he became fatigued.
If you have more feedback,
here's a form.
Or you can action
your information online.
Evening, boys.
Pint, Royston.
Or should I say "Billy Fury?"
Diet lemonade please, Brian.
I'm playing Eric Liddell...
...in the Tewkesbury Players
production of Chariots of Fire.
I said to myself,
if I win, it's a win for God.
But, I find myself sitting here
destroying it all, but I have to.
To run would be against God's law.
I thank you.
Sounds more like Braveheart.
So how's your toy boy?
Still off his game, then?
Well, let's say I haven't
had a bit of tickle...
...let alone any slap for longer
than I care to think about.
My Royston's not much fun now
at the moment.
What with all our worries.
They take it very hard.
Aren't you a little too...
...curvaceous to play
an Olympic athlete?
What are you talking about?
I'm an Adonis.
Well, at least that's
what my Shirley tells me.
I think you've brainwashed her
somewhere back in the 50s.
Only with my devilish charm
and my roughish good looks.
Look, where's this diet lemonade?
He's been like this all night.
He's just found out
his pension's b....red...
...and he's finding silly excuses
not to take a pint from his mates.
Your pension's b....red?
How?
The little spiv that calls himself
a financial advisor says...
...it's falling equity bondings
or something like that.
Anyway, I can't afford
to buy a round...
...so I'm covering Shirley's drinks
and I'm not drinking myself.
Anyway, Arthur, there's nothing
silly about having some pride.
So that's a pint for Royston.
Two more pints for us
and one for yourself.
Thank you, Arthur.
It's pride.
Eats away at the man
side of them...
...like trying to make them
vegetarian.
Iris did that to her husband,
made him go vegetarian.
For his health, she said.
Pined away for a want of a sausage,
he did.
Like you and me.
Sorry, boys. That's my cue.
Come on, Shirl. Let's see it!
Off you go.
Are you going to tell me
what's wrong?
Is it Charlie?
You've not been the same
since this morning.
You should have seen him.
You should have seen the clever
clogs running the place.
Letting him rot without a care.
As long as her balance sheets
add up.
You know...
...when he went in there
he could walk for himself.
Now look.
Arthur?
Remember what we said.
We said, we wouldn't let ourselves
get upset about this kind of thing.
Be thankful for what we've got...
...and never forget
we've got each other.
I just feel so sodding helpless.
So bloody helpless.
Hello, Mr. Goode.
Sorry to keep you.
Just so you know,
there's a note...
...on Mrs. Goode's
repeat prescription...
...asking that you contact
your doctor.
Is everything ok?
There's never been
a problem before.
I can't tell you anything more,
I'm afraid.
You really must contact your G.P.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
Hello there.
The doctor actually
said that to you?
Yeah, well they call it
the postcode lottery.
Apparently if you don't live in
the right area...
...you don't get your medication.
And the medication
for Martha's Crohn's disease...
...isn't covered anymore.
And you reckon it'll cost you
300 pounds a month?
Well, that's just for
the basic medication.
On top of that there's another
thousand pounds...
...a quarter for her infusion.
Are you alright for that?
That's a lot of money.
Well, I'll just have to be,
won't I?
At Martha's age
I can't imagine the risks.
Now, listen. Don't say anything
to the girls, will you?
I'll sort it out somehow.
Yeah, sure.
...Cigarette Club
and don't spare the horses.
Wait a minute. You got a little
snooping to do first.
You can do your snooping
but I'm going to Marty's party.
So am I. Afterwards. Don't you
realise this is a chance...
...or us to get to
the detective bureau?
What's the matter
with the emergency squad?
Haven't you got any ambition?
Sure, but not for playing cops
and robbers.
Hey, driver, drop me
at the Cigarette Club.
Your mystery will keep
for an hour or so.
Will you go back with me
afterwards?
-It's a deal.
-Come on.
Alright, love?
Everything ok?
I was just making a cup of tea.
I wondered if you wanted one.
Lovely.
Well, am I right or am I right?
I see you've been given
your complimentary cappuccino?
Yes, thank you.
I've, I've come about the letter
that I've received from you.
Yes, it's very serious.
Most unfortunate situation.
Unfortunate?
What do you mean?
Trafalgar Electronics.
The letter we sent you.
Your pension.
No, I don't understand.
I thought you were here
because of the letter...
...we sent you on the...
...second of May, five a.m.,
New Delhi time.
No. No, I never received a letter
from you about my pension.
I've come about the letter...
...concerning
the bowls club tenancy.
Bowls club?
Ardagh Lawn Bowls and Social Club.
Up Coldharbour Road?
I see.
What's this you say
about my pension?
I'll try to make this
as simple as possible.
Trafalgar Electronics
went into liquidation...
...on the ninth of April.
This has had a detrimental...
...effect on the annual return
of your occupational pension.
Leaving you with a seriously
depleted pension pot.
But that's daylight robbery.
Sir, with all due respect,
it's economics.
Maybe some tangibles
will help at this stage.
At your age a loan is out of
the question.
We could discuss
taking your house off your hands.
The yield would be minimal.
I don't see any other potentials.
Potentials?
Yes, potentials.
You're going to require
some extra retirement income.
Have a good day, sir.
Coming out now.
That's robbery.
Daylight robbery.
With all that's happening
in the news...
...we ask, are we turning
our backs on our elderly?
We're following the developments
in the pension crisis...
...all this week as many pensioners
feel forgotten.
Thrown on the scrap heap.
We've been out
and about getting your views.
Well, we're having to move in
with my daughter...
...as we just can't afford
to keep the house on.
I was in the bank
the other day and I...
...Trafalgar Electronics went into
liquidation on the ninth of April.
This has had
a detrimental effect on...
You're going to require
some extra retirement income.
We could discuss
taking your house off your hands.
Sir, with all due respect
it's economics.
Coming out now.
Mr. Goode. Didn't expect to see you
and Jemima again so soon.
Well, she's been coughing a lot.
Would you mind taking a look?
-Of course not.
Ok. Coughing you say?
A latte with hazelnut syrup.
No, hold on,
change that to almond syrup.
No, hold on ch...
Do... Do you...
Excuse me, do you have a toilet?
Sorry, but I'm serving someone.
Yeah, but I just want to use
the toilet.
Do you mind?
I'm ordering here.
Well, I just want to use
the toilet.
Not without buying something
you can't.
-I'll have a muffin.
-Chocolate, lemon or blueberry.
-Blueberry.
-Seriously, I was here first.
Well, you can have the muffin.
-I don't like blueberry.
-Look, who am I serving?
I was first.
Alright, look, look just,
just give him whatever he wants.
I just need to use the toilet.
Fine, it's on the back on the left.
Alright.
What are you doing?
What are you thinking about?
You stupid old man.
Because that's what you are.
An old man.
Stop being so stupid.
Stop making a fool of yourself.
Come on, what are you
doing in there?
I've got a baby to change.
I need a wee too, Mummy.
-Apologies.
-Okay.
-Sorry.
-Okay.
Come on, Hattie,
let's change Sebby.
Bloody hell, Dave,
not so hard.
It's ringing like a bell in here.
Coming out now.
Come on, love.
We'll be late for bowls and bingo.
Bowled one ninety.
Top of the shop, and that's
the age of my girlfriend.
Wife said it's ok,
as long as she's older than her.
Here we go.
Legs eleven. Those wonderful legs.
-That's me!
-Oh, come on. Let's have a check.
Looks like we've got a winner.
It's on. Full house, darling!
Here's your prize, madam.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
And I'll see you all
in a fortnight.
Fortnight? What about next week?
Phil says the club can't afford
his petrol every week.
It's ridiculous.
Afternoon, ladies.
The name is Thelma.
Care to help a lady
enjoy her winnings?
The daring daylight robbery
took place here...
...outside Henleaze Mutual
Building Society...
...at just after nine-thirty
this morning.
Police are still investigating
all possibilities at this stage.
And talking to several members
of the public...
...as well as bank staff.
That means they don't know
who did it.
Whoever done it,
good on 'em, I say.
Time someone struck back.
Poppyc..k, it's theft,
you quiffy pillock.
What do you think they done to me?
All them fools in pinstripes
drinking champers...
...hile Shirl and me haven't got
a pot to pee in.
Well, what about the guard
that was hurt?
Your Byron did a stint in security,
what if it had been him?
That bloke weren't badly injured.
They say he just got a broken nose.
You ever had a broken nose?
It bloody hurts.
And there was me and Larry.
Happy as two peas in a pod.
And the poor man has
an unexpected heart att*ck.
How unexpected?
Let's just say...
...I had time to get dressed
before the ambulance arrive.
His soul rest in peace.
I'm glad he d*ed contented.
Must be very tough.
How many months has it been
since he passed?
Months?
It's been weeks, girlfriend.
And, no disrespect to Larry...
...I'm getting tired of feeling
lonely.
Weeks.
Sometimes a girl just needs
her coconuts.
Anyway, some plucky b....r
got away with...
...seventy-five grand of
the banks money.
Time they knew what it felt like.
-How much?
-Seventy-five grand, they said.
Mark you, it weren't too much
good for him...
...not if they set off
the dye canisters.
What dye canisters?
Our Byron says most crims try to
hack into the security cases...
...and that sets them off.
Covers them and the cash
in blue dye.
If me wigs not on back to front
by the time we're through...
...I want me money back!
Listen, ladies...
...if you ever feel the need
to give yourself a little boost...
...and your fella's
having a quiet spell...
...then all you need
is some play t'ings.
What's play t'ings?
I ain't carrying nothing.
You searched me already.
I ain't carrying nothing.
Once again it's,
I'm not carrying anything.
Search him again, Cully.
You may have missed something.
Will do, Chief.
No-one saw it?
Outside the building society?
-How much?
-No, thanks.
Seventy-five they're claiming.
Hang on.
Someone holds up a security van,
without a g*n...
...and makes off
with seventy-five grand...
...and nobody sees them at it?
Is the whole bloody town asleep?
What's the description?
There isn't one. Nobody saw it.
No witnesses?
But the security guards
must have seen them?
-Seen who?
-Apparently not.
One knocked out cold, the other
locked in the back of the van.
Back up there, soldier.
You're confusing the old boy.
Run it past us, we'll sort it out.
Tell him.
Without the sigh,
thank you, Sergeant.
Yes, sir.
-Robbery in Henleaze.
-Staffordshire.
Bristol.
Outside a building society.
Security van, sir.
Seventy-five...
Thousand.
Yes, thousand, sir.
-sh**t?
-No, sir.
I was just telling
detective Morris...
And now you're telling me.
-Witnesses?
-No, sir.
Come, come, Sergeant.
I'm including security guards
as witnesses.
So am I, sir.
And they didn't see nothing.
Didn't see anything, Sergeant.
Not home to Mr. Double Negative
are we?
So you're telling me...
...someone made off
with seventy-five large...
...in broad daylight,
from the security van...
...outside a building society
and nobody saw anything?
Is this whole town asleep?
And we've finally caught up.
Alright, Sarge, keep an eye out
for any copycats...
...connections, similar runs,
word from London links.
You don't mind if I tap up
a few of my contacts...
...for the word on the street, Sid?
Tap away, Stringer. Tap away.
Hello, Arthur. Everything alright?
This is coming along well.
It's a work of art.
Just wondered if you had...
...a hand held angle grinder
that I could borrow?
I'll have a look.
Something I can help you with?
No, no.
It's not that big a job.
I'm just doing a favour
for Iris next door.
Here you are.
Diamond tipped wheel,
if you've got it.
You did it.
A spokesperson from the Bristol
and South West Police...
...stated that the robbery would
have taken months of planning...
...by a highly organised
criminal g*ng.
Security on all vans
has been doubled in a move...
...that banks say is a purely
precautionary measure.
It's widely believed...
...that they money will have been
laundered already and...
...passed through a sophisticated
underground network...
...making it almost impossible
to trace.
Arthur, it's beautiful.
The Valencia Getaway.
Top of the range.
No!
And I've planned
our first itinerary.
Five houses, all your favourites.
We're finally going to get away.
Oh, you're such a wonderful man!
They're opening up
the Eastfield Inn tonight.
Yeah.
They've got a new chef.
Very good, apparently.
I thought we might go there
for a bite to eat this evening.
Well, let's see.
I might have to work late tonight.
Yes, of course. Silly me.
What was I thinking?
Martha, I'm going.
Just going to go
and get the fish for tonight.
Have you got your bag for life?
Ok.
Martha, I seem to have lost my...
I think we need to
have a little chat, don't you?
How much?
Fifty thousand pounds.
It said seventy-five
on the wireless.
They're lying.
For insurance purposes, I suppose.
Oh, fudge. Iris.
Now, you stay exactly
where you are.
I will be back in a moment.
Cold food. Is that the best
you could do today?
Yes.
Why, in the name of blue blazes...
...did you walk up to a security
guard in broad daylight...
...and hit him over the head?
I didn't hit him over the head.
Well, I didn't.
My plan was to do it
without hurting anyone.
And it was never meant
to involve you.
How can it not, Arthur?
I know everything.
I'm in it just as much as you are.
Whether it's by giving you your tea
or living under the same roof.
I'm aiding and abetting
a known criminal.
I know. I know.
But I got the money.
To be honest...
...it all happened
by mistake really.
A kind of accident.
But it has made me realise that...
...it is possible.
Are you planning to do it again?
Martha, for the first time in...
...in my life really...
I felt alive.
Relevant.
I felt like I could help.
You could go to prison.
You could be sh*t, Arthur.
I don't want to be a widow.
I want you with me to grow old...
...older with me.
They haven't caught me yet.
It's still a crime, Arthur,
you're stealing.
I don't know why we're
having this conversation.
My husband's a wanted man.
Hello?
Hello?
That's terrible.
We'll be right over.
From what we can make out...
...he's taken three times
the dose of his painkillers.
He's stable now but we'll need to
keep him in a few days...
...to monitor him
as he's very weak.
I'll leave you with him
for a sec...
...'cos I've got to go find him
a bed on the ward.
What are we going to do
with you, Charlie?
You can't be trusted on your own.
I'm so sorry...
...so so sorry.
I just wanted to go.
I just...
I'm sorry, Martha.
I'm so sorry.
We have to get him
out of there, Arthur.
And those other poor souls.
We can't leave him like this.
Whatever we have to do, Arthur.
I'm not having this.
You know, there is a way
we can help.
You might not like it but...
...it could just be the solution
we're looking for.
Go on then.
We need to raise money quickly.
And I've proved it can be done...
...albeit a little
unconventionally.
I think I can do it again.
With a bit more planning.
Ok.
What?
You're on. But this time...
...I'm coming with you.
-No, no, no.
I haven't stopped thinking
about Charlie...
...and how desperate he was.
And what you did.
Arthur Goode,
I love you so much.
I couldn't stand
not being with you.
I need you now....
...more than ever.
So, if we're going to rob banks
to sort out this sorry mess...
...we'll do it together.
No, no, wait, wait.
What about your health?
Please don't bring that up,
I'm fine.
Anyway all the more reason
to do it now...
...so we can plan the banks...
...around the National Trust
houses and...
...I still get to get my tour.
Right. I knew there was
an ulterior motive.
You know what to do.
Let's just do what we practiced.
Then we'll be fine.
Right.
Cucumber ready.
And I've got my banana.
Let's go.
Right, nobody move!
Nobody will get hurt.
Right, this is a robbery.
Over there. Stand still.
Over there.
Don't even think about it.
Right, everything you've got.
Now.
No coins, thank you,
if you don't mind.
Thank you, thank you.
Now. Don't move.
Quickly, quickly, everything
you've got. Quickly.
Stand still. You stand still.
Now, you don't move
and no one will get hurt.
Right, don't move.
Stay where you are.
Stay where you are.
I can't see. Where are you?
Come here. This way.
-Martha, I can't see.
-Let's get out.
No, my eyes.
Where are we?
Well, that could have gone
better, couldn't it?
I'm so sorry.
The bank's been robbed.
-I thought they came this way.
-No.
I am so sorry. Are you ok?
I am so sorry.
-Come inside. Please.
-No. Please.
-Can I get you a cup of tea?
-No, we're fine.
-Yes, he's fine.
-It's fine. Don't worry.
Let me get you an ambulance
just in case.
You can sit down. We'll look after
you. It's gonna be ok.
Are you ok?
Yes.
I am so sorry. You just stay here
as long as you like.
Thank you.
Shopping?
Yes, a little.
A few things.
That's the detectives.
Just a moment.
The quiet Cotswold town of
Little Camden...
...saw a daring raid on one of
its high street banks this morning.
Thieves wearing old people masks...
...burst into the bank brandishing
what are believed to be weapons...
...hidden inside bin liners.
Early reports say
they made a clean getaway...
...with the contents
from the cash desks.
Police want to reassure
the public...
...that they're doing all they can
to apprehend the g*ng...
...who are still at large and
believed to be extremely dangerous.
They're asking for anyone who sees
anything suspicious to call.
Any leads, young Sherlock?
Standard kind used in
paint ball centres...
...up and down the country.
Reports say that over a
quarter of a million...
...are sold in the UK each month.
They've done their homework.
They know our response times.
You reckon they're pros then?
Maybe, Dave.
But if they are
they've slipped up here a bit.
Something's not quite right,
you know.
-Sid.
-What is it?
What, you want to go home?
We've barely started.
I've got another date.
Christ! If I'd known
you were ruddy part time...
What happened to the one
from the other night?
Didn't work out.
Turns out she don't like coppers.
What did you do,
handcuff her to the bed?
Jesus!
No. I won't ask
about the truncheon.
It's the hot topic of the day.
Just how did
the Little Camden robbers...
...just simply vanish
into thin air?
Have we lost faith
in our police force?
Call in and let us know
your thoughts.
This is Dan David
taking you through till dawn.
Alright, Sid.
You've watched it thirty times
so what is it you're not seeing?
'Cos I'd quite like to go home now.
It's rather romantic.
We're outlaws.
Like that Thelma and Lacey.
Thelma and Lacey?
Bonnie and Clyde, you mean.
Look, I've been thinking...
We nearly got caught today.
We need something.
We need a device.
It doesn't do anything.
But we put a motion sensor on it.
Like Mrs. Robins did for her t.ts.
-What?
-Well, you know...
...the blue t.ts and grey t.ts and
all the other birds that come...
...when she films
on her bird feeder.
Like that Kate Humbly
did on Springwatch.
They used a motion sensor.
Right, so we put one of
those on it...
...and we say, "Nobody moves...
...or it goes off."
That's a brilliant idea, Arthur.
What's that?
Listen.
They've come for us, Arthur.
When you're doing dogging
you're supposed to keep
the curtains open.
Look, I said to this director,
I said to him...
...I must be allowed to follow
my impulses.
And then I said to him
you can stuff your bloody play.
Don't you think you'll regret that?
No chance, Shirl.
I will not be trammelled.
Trammelled?
What does that mean?
You've gone all quiet.
That's not a good sign.
-Here, Shirl.
-Yeah.
Looks like we gone
and won a competition.
Look.
"You are a winner!"
No, we haven't.
We don't do winning.
Yeah. We've won 25000
pounds - "no strings attached."
Royston Merryweather,
I've told you before:
These are all scams!
Probably cost a b*mb to phone in
and collect your winnings...
...or something.
There's always a catch.
No, we don't have to call up
or anything.
Stop it. We haven't won
any money.
You probably have to go
for a meeting...
...and they'd sell you
a timeshare...
...or they'll get you to sign
your house away.
No, I've not gone doolally yet,
my poppet.
There's no catch.
See, the dosh is in
an account in our name.
Seems it's something to do with
some pools accumulator thingy...
...we done yonks ago.
All we have to do,
it says go to your local bank...
...and sign on the dotted line.
Okay.
Wahey!
Royston.
Just when we'd thought
we'd been scuppered.
Back to bed
I think Shirls for a little...
...mid-morning celebration.
I will go and prepare the stage.
Yes!
But we've never done the pools.
Right, this is a robbery.
Nobody move.
Stay calm.
Stand against the wall
and nobody will get hurt.
Come on, stand against the wall.
Against the walls.
It'll all be over soon.
Your instructions are in here.
Do as your told
and nobody will get hurt.
Stay calm, everybody.
This is an expl*sive device...
...with motion sensors on it.
Yes!
Sid. It's Alf.
We just had reports of a hold-up
in Burkeley.
They're sending in
an armed response team.
Stringer's all the way over
in Castle Coombe. Where are you?
Christ!
We're only just down the road.
Be calm.
Be calm. Stand against the wall.
Stay where you are.
Now, it's activated.
It's armed, so don't move
for the next five minutes.
Otherwise it will go off.
Damn it!
They just left.
Here, Sid.
-No, that can't be...
-Careful.
Come on now.
Hide that cucumber.
Excuse me, did you see
a couple of men...
...or maybe a man and a woman
come this way with a trolley?
They might have been wearing masks.
No, no, no. We've been here
quite a while we have.
We haven't seen anybody, no, no.
We're just having a bit of lunch.
My wife's in there
making sandwiches now.
Okay. Thanks for your time.
That's a nice piece of kit.
Yeah, we like it.
Much more economical
than paying for hotels and B&B's.
Yeah, you can't be too careful
with your money these days.
My wife says we should get one
when I retire.
She wants to do a tour of
stately homes...
...up and down the land.
Well, you can tell her from me
it's most amenable.
-Sid.
-Thank you.
They vanished.
Nobody's seen them...
...and I've had Stringer going
mental at me down the phone.
Well, hope you find the two men
you're looking for.
Sorry to interrupt your lunch.
-Not at all.
-Nice talking to you.
-Yes and you.
-Nice to talk to you officers.
Would you like a sandwich?
I made a few too many,
it's a shame to waste them.
Take a few for later.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
How do two people just disappear...
...after robbing a busy
high-street bank, Dave?
Without arousing any suspicion?
What are the bloody chances?
We're never going to hear
the end of this one.
One more I think...
...and then we can go home
and see our friends.
It might be a good idea...
...if I had a little target
practice first. Do you think?
Yes, that's a very good idea.
This is getting serious.
It's a fake.
It's made from DIY parts.
This is a clever
bunch of sods, Cully.
I'd put money on it that
they've had m*llitary training.
Maybe even special forces.
Rob, can you hear me mate?
Please, Rob.
Bill, what's going on, Bill?
It's the wrinklies
we let in twenty minutes ago.
They're out of control.
The woman...
She's gone crazy.
Both of them...
I don't know what...
Get back here as soon as you can.
The key thing here is focus.
Look out.
If it isn't the Widow Twankey
and Buttons.
More like Dobbin
the pantomime horse if you ask me.
I dunno, Cully, last time
I looked the pantomime horse...
...came with only one a..e.
Give it a rest, Stringer.
Look out, Sid. He's behind you.
"No, he isn't!"
"Yes, he is!"
Alright, alright, that's enough.
With fourteen forces
all feeding back...
...they seem to be on
something of a spree.
Three connected so far.
My press briefings...
...I would imagine,
will scare them, so...
Right, thanks Stringer,
I'll take it from here.
It's alright, Sid.
I've got this one.
I said I've got it. Thanks.
Chief?
Sid, why don't you sit down?
I've asked Stringer to take us
through some new ideas.
Sorry for the interruption, people.
Now... if I can just get back
my train of thought...
So did you have a lovely time?
Marvellous.
The houses were beautiful.
I wasn't asking about the houses.
As lovely as it's been in years.
What about you?
Normal service resumed.
I wanna do press briefings
and TV appearances.
Purely to let them know
that we're on to them...
...and make them think.
I think we can safely say
that they'll be a little worried...
...that they've met their match.
Jesus!
I've written up assignments
for you all.
Not for you, Sid.
You've done the donkey work here.
You can take a rest for a while.
Ride shotgun with me.
Sod this!
Sid.
Hold on.
Sid.
Come on, you're bigger than this.
That's the point, son. I'm not.
Sid!
My Shirls and me discovered
a little pot of gold...
...we never knew we had.
Brought us right back
from the brink.
Brian, here, he only went
and got given a grand.
-Really? What for?
-No, it's nothing really.
It's just some money
to train new apprentices.
But, you know, it means
I can keep the place going...
...that's for sure.
Hello, can we help?
I'm looking for Arthur Goode.
I'm an Arthur Goode.
Name's Taylor.
Represent the Danville family
that own the land on...
...which this establishment
currently sits.
Sent you a letter some weeks ago
about the tenancy.
The family that own the land
want to sell it...
...and gave the club first refusal.
The auction's coming up soon...
...and if we can't buy it
we lose our club.
There's nothing you could
of done anyway.
As you said before...
...there's no way
the club could afford it.
Yeah, I know.
I just wish I hadn't let myself
get so distracted.
I mean this place...
...it's not just a club
where people come to play...
...bowls or bingo
or have a few drinks.
It's more than that.
I mean looks at Sylvie here.
She comes here every day.
Talking to people, seeing people.
If it wasn't for that...
...she wouldn't have any proper
human contact at all week.
And Frank here...
...he can barely afford
to feed himself.
Phil gives him a job
collecting glasses...
...and gets him a few bob.
Makes sure he gets a good meal.
This is more than a social club,
Martha.
It's a lifeline for some people.
It's coming. Don't worry.
We can't let it be destroyed.
Because they'll be destroyed
along with it.
How much do we need?
A damn sight more than
we've taken already.
Quickly too.
There's only a week
before the auction.
Come on. Let's invite the g*ng
back to ours.
You can bore them with our photos.
Steady!
Blimey!
She really is a beauty.
-Yes.
This shining carriage set
in a sea of grey.
This steed of champions,
this Valencia Getaway.
Blimey!
-Hello.
-Come in.
I'll let you take your coat off.
There you go.
Thank you.
So, where is he?
The old chap.
What have you done with him?
He couldn't help it,
when he saw the caravan...
...he said it's his Romany blood
and it's been like that...
...since they did Carmen.
And then he had to have
a nose around.
Well, he can look all he wants.
Well, he's not just looking at it,
he's in it.
We'll understand...
...if you wish to rethink
your friendships with us.
We know we've broken the law.
But how? I get confused
just using the bank's website.
You're a pair of bloody geniuses.
That's what you are.
I'd like to give you a great
big kiss, both of you.
You count me in. I've always
wanted to play Robin Hood.
Royston, it's not really
quite like that.
No, Martha, dear, in for a penny,
in for a million.
That's what I say.
It'll be my finest performance yet.
Royston. Shouldn't we talk?
Remember what the doctor said
about over exerting.
Now, come on, Shirl.
Now's the time to stand up
and be counted with them.
Just think of the fun we can have.
"Pools accumulator!"
Very funny!
Brian?
Chicken?
Look, I've pulled your a..e
out of the fire...
...every time you've dropped
a cigar down your trousers!
But, this...
...well, it's not just about me
I've got my apprentices
to think about.
Haven't you worked it out yet,
you daft besom?
This couple, who butter
wouldn't melt in their mouth...
...the secret investors
in your apprentice scheme.
Royston, stop your bullying.
Look, Royston doesn't bully me.
He just talks louder than I do.
I know you all think
I'm the quiet one...
...but that doesn't mean
there isn't stuff going on.
And it is a bloody silly idea...
...but I understand
why you're doing it.
And actually I think you're being
very brave.
Stupid, but brave.
And if anyone's able to think
straight...
...and keep you out of jail,
then that's me.
So if you think I'm gonna
let you rob a million quid...
...or whatever it is without me
to keep you out of trouble...
...then you're wrong.
Arthur, we're in.
What's the plan?
Sodbury.
It's where they keep the money
for the bankers' bonuses.
What they call their
"Golden Years" retirement fund.
Cheeky sods.
I love it.
They may take our lives...
...but they can never take
our pensions.
They already have.
They may take our pensions
but they can never take our lives.
Nance, you broke the yolk.
You noticed that, did you?
Nancy, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
Nancy, wait love.
Maybe I should go
and rob a bloody bank...
...then you'd notice me.
-Nance!
I don't bloody believe it.
It's them in that bloody caravan.
Bingo!
Dial it up, Shaz.
Let's go Tropical Truffle!
Hello, Mrs. Morris.
I'm really sorry to disturb you.
He just hasn't been himself
since these robberies started.
He's just absolutely
obsessed with them.
I've never known him
bring his work home before.
I thought that was
a map of the route...
...we were going to take around
the National Trust properties...
...for my birthday trip.
But, no, it's all to do
with the robberies.
So, all of these places are...
National Trust properties, you see.
So we'd start up here
at Little Camden...
...and go round in a great,
big circle.
Bloody hell.
So, where would you like
to go next, after this one?
Well, there's Syon House here...
...or Grittleton Manor there.
And Sodbury Hall.
They've got the most beautiful
little Victorian walled-garden.
Yeah.
Yes, any of those three, really.
You little beauty.
My friend Val's a volunteer.
They're shutting down
though on Friday.
They've got to clean them up
for the summer season.
So, anyway, would you like
one of my little coconut macaroons?
Well, I see my Sidney's
trained you very well.
Pick up.
This is Sydney Morris.
Leave a short message...
...and I'll get back to you.
Sid, listen.
I can't go into
all the details now...
...but I'm almost certain that
the next robbery will take place...
...in the next two days
in one of three places...
...all within twenty minutes
of each other.
There's a connection with
the National Trust properties.
That's why it has to be
in the next few days...
...before they close up for
some sort of spring clean.
There's Syon Town,
Grittleton and Sodbury.
It has to be one of those.
I hope you get this, Sid.
I've been joined by Detective
Inspector Keith Stringer...
...who is leading the case.
Detective, can you tell us...
...what do you know so far
about these criminals?
Thanks, Stan.
A crew like this...
...will have huge resources
to draw on.
They'll have the latest technology
at their fingertips.
Don't be fooled
by their old people masks.
Underneath they are
ruthless young men...
...who are highly trained
both mentally and physically...
...and will stop at nothing
to get what they want.
I urge the public
not to approach them...
...under any circumstances,
but rest assured...
...we will hunt them down
and we will bring them to justice.
As Arthur approaches
the bank teller...
...I take out the CCTV cameras.
And I distract the security guards
by fainting.
Are you ok? Are you alright?
Are you ok?
Do you want to sit down?
A lovely service. Thank you.
How are you? Are you alright?
Poor Royston.
I shall miss him...
...so much.
-Yes, me too.
He was the life
and soul of our club.
What are we going to do now?
If we stop now,
it'll all be for nothing.
Shirley, the club, they need us now
more than ever.
We've got to do something, Martha.
I know you're right...
...but we're going to need
more people.
Well, then we'll get more people.
Let's make Royston proud.
We've had word
from our high-level sources...
...on the street they're gonna hit
one of three banks...
...in the next two days.
We'll be focusing our mission
on what I'm now calling...
...the golden triangle.
Syon Town, Grittleton, Sodbury.
We've looked at the geography
of the robberies...
...and this follows
a complex pattern that...
...I won't go into now.
-So, what we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
We're gonna cover
the whole bloody lot.
Ok. Phil's in.
He jumped at the chance
to help save the club.
He'll clear the cash desks
with Brian...
...while Martha and I
deal with the vault.
Thelma's up for it.
As long as she can play
the hostage role.
So, are you doing anything nice
this weekend?
I have on something
that will be fun.
Sounds good.
Now, there's a lot of money,
so we'll get it out in two stages.
Charlie will act
as the getaway driver...
...for the first amount.
Getting the second lot out
will have to wait.
Until the time is just right.
Right, off we go.
Everything's good.
Martha.
Martha?
Martha, are you alright?
Martha.
Martha, wake up.
Martha, please.
Martha.
-You!
-Yes, it's me.
I think she's collapsed.
She has...
She suffers terribly
from Crohn's disease.
If you could help.
Martha?
Martha, can you hear me?
She seems to be breathing ok.
Eleven sixty five, to x-ray.
I need an ambulance to Henleaze.
I'll get some water.
Stay calm for me, Martha.
Nance, what are you doing here?
Well, you scribbled down an address
next to a licence plate number...
...so I thought I'd come and see
where you keep disappearing off to.
It's not what it looks like.
Don't be so stupid, Sidney Morris.
Have you called an ambulance?
It's on its way.
Hello.
Martha?
Martha, would you like to go inside
until the ambulance comes?
Thirty-five years gives a copper
the chance...
...to work every kind of case
you can imagine.
But you?
You just don't fit.
It just don't add up.
You think this was about money?
It was about what was fair.
Fair?
Jails are full of blokes who
stole money that wasn't theirs...
...all of them claiming life dealt
them a bad hand.
You wait till they steal
your pension...
...from under your nose.
You'll find out what you think
about your precious rules.
Martha's settled.
The ambulance will be here
in a minute.
What's going on here, then?
I said what's going on?
I ain't getting talked down
to by a ruddy crook.
I'm not a crook.
Yeah? And I'm not the one
who's looking at a stretch.
Alright, that's enough.
Arthur, I think Martha
would appreciate...
...you checking up on her...
...and I wouldn't mind a few
minutes alone with my husband...
...thank you.
-Nance, he could run off!
Sidney!
I have to tell you
we never hurt anyone.
And we only took back
what had been taken from us.
Don't buy it, Nance.
Sidney, if you take
those poor people in...
...I will never ever speak
to you again.
-Those poor people?
-Never, Sidney.
I've put up with enough.
Years and years of going without.
Going without nice things
because the pay wasn't up to much.
Years of sleeping alone...
...or just lying there in bed
wondering...
...if you're gonna
come home late, if at all.
Years and years of going without...
The other...
Love!
You used to take me away...
...from time to time
to make up for it.
Well, that stopped happening,
didn't it?
Every day I sit up there...
...like a silly teenager
doing my hair...
...doing my lippy,
trying to look nice for you.
Hoping you'll notice
but you never do.
And tonight, tonight
I'll be going to the bingo.
I've been going to the bingo
every Thursday...
...for the last ten years.
Like a bloody hamster
on a bloody wheel.
And do you know, Sidney,
I bloody hate bingo!
Love!
Just do the right thing.
That's all that matters.
We can work out the rest.
This is our marriage on the line.
Right here. Right now.
So, you drink your tea
and you think about that.
You've got the time it takes me
to get Martha's shawl...
...from the caravan.
Do you mind?
Sorry.
I'm just a little bit... you know.
-Yeah.
I've got an awful feeling
something bad has happened.
I know.
It's the waiting
that's the hardest part.
Cashier number two, please.
Well, well, well.
Look what we have here.
I'll stop you there, son,
if you don't mind.
DS Stringer.
-Stop p..sing about, Stringer.
This woman needs help.
-Pull the other one.
It's got more bells on
than Santa's nob.
-I've got to take this lady for...
-Shut up.
You're not feeling very well?
Nobody's going anywhere
until I say so.
Especially not you two cons.
Or indeed you, Sid.
I knew you was bent
from the beginning.
I couldn't work out how these two
were getting away.
I decided to have a little look
at the CCTV footage...
...and there you were leaning
on the getaway car...
...getting all cosy
with the occupants.
You two are going down.
And you, Sid.
You're all washed up.
Mess with a Stringer...
...and you've messed with a....
Found it!
Arthur and Martha are in position.
Let's go.
No one get silly
and act the fool...
...and we'll all leave here
with our lives intact.
-Everybody against the wall.
-No. Don't sh**t.
Right, you.
Out of the way.
Say hello to my little friend.
And you, follow these instructions.
Five minutes and counting.
It's you, isn't it?
I can't believe
this is happening to us.
Yes, alright, Chantelle.
They are about to rob us, you know.
Everyone ok?
Yes, thanks.
I'm commandeering this vehicle.
Any trouble...
...and I'll arrest
the bloody lot of you.
They've only hit Sodbury.
It's only bloody on.
Get the boys scrambled
as fast as you can.
Boss. Boss,
are you getting this, boss?
I'm on my way.
Don't do anything
until I get there.
Every one's a winner, baby
That's the truth
That's the truth
Well, look at that.
Lush.
After you.
We'll get the first batch
of money away,
you load the next.
Time check.
Two minutes, thirty-five left.
Bang on time, Charley.
Away you go.
And the next lot,
ladies and gentlemen...
...is two acres of
prime development land...
...in the North Bristol
suburb of Henleaze.
At present the Ardagh Bowling Club.
A great deal of presale interest.
Where will you bid me.
Start me at a million pounds
someone.
Thank you, Madame.
At one million pounds.
At one million pounds, only.
One million one hundred pounds...
-Status?
-No idea.
These guys responded
to the alarm call, so did we.
The front door's been shut
since we got here.
This is Detective Sergeant
Keith Stringer.
You are surrounded.
Come out with your hands up.
I don't want to hurt anybody.
I'm here for the bank's money,
not your money.
Your money is insured.
Nobody here loses a penny.
...with your hands up.
Shall we hand it to tactical?
No, we're not handing it
to sodding tactical.
We move in sixty seconds.
You and two of yours with me
and Cully.
Think of your families
and don't risk this lady's life.
I'm going to deal with you later,
you naughty boy.
You know what to do.
Customers to the room to the right.
And staff the room to the left.
Thank you.
Ok. We're approaching the door.
Over.
Are you lady-boys quite finished?
Sorry, Keith.
You push the door open
and I'll lead in.
Oh, for Christ's sake.
Just one more, sir.
One million six hundred
thousand pounds.
One million seven hundred
thousand pounds.
At one million seven hundred
thousand pounds.
And there's the bid.
You're all out at one million
seven hundred thousand pounds.
Once.
At one million seven hundred
thousand pounds, twice.
Two million!
-I'm sorry?
-Two million.
Two million pounds.
Spread out.
Be careful.
Are you sure
we shouldn't call tactical?
It's not like
they're going anywhere.
Don't be such a tart.
You two go that way.
Cully, on me.
-Sir. Yes, sir.
Two million pounds.
Any more at all?
At two million pounds then,
at once.
Two million pounds, twice.
Make your way through there.
This one's my turn. Stand back.
I'm going in.
You're all out.
At two million pounds,
the third and last time and done.
Is it over?
Thank you very much.
Go on through, sir.
Sid?
Thanks for your help.
I was very pleased
to be able to help.
Don't worry,
Mr. Henderson, sir.
We're just trying
to find the spare keys.
And made off with what we believe
was the money...
...to be distributed
to bankers as their bonus.
And here's the detective
who was leading the investigation.
Detective Stringer.
Detective Stringer,
can you confirm reports...
...that it was your direct actions
that led to the criminals...
...making away with the money?
Any comments?
Comments, sir?
Sir, any comments?
It's now been five days
since the Sodbury Alliance robbery.
Despite an armed cordon
the g*ng escaped...
...with just over
two million pounds...
making this
their largest haul to date.
Bank sources say
this volume of money...
...would be extremely difficult
to move under any circumstances.
Let alone during a heist.
A police spokesperson stated that
the criminals would have had...
...an extremely sophisticated
escape plan in place...
...that allowed them to get the
cash away from the scene unnoticed.
Bank staff are being questioned
as an inside job...
...has not been ruled out
at this stage of the enquiry.
Do you think they'll be alright?
Of course they will.
Anyway, you'll be able
to look after them.
Just as long as
you're there with me.
I love Dom Jones.
I've had him. 1965.
Round the back of
Merthyr Rugby club.
Not so good up
against the wall, though.
Could you please make sure
that you buy tickets...
...for Tuesday's dance.
It's a fund raiser.
What for?
We're trying to raise
thirty grand...
...to stop them shutting
the old people's drop...
...in centre at Ashton Corner.
They want to turn it
into luxury flats apparently...
Someone's stolen my cucumber.
Come on, you can sit
anywhere you like.
It's a mystery tour.
Not even I know where we're going.
How are you? Are you alright?
Golden Years (2016)
Moderator: Maskath3