Murdercise (2023)

[bunniefuu]

911, what's your emergency?

Hi,

could you send somebody

over quickly, please?

I think there's an intruder in my house.

Okay, ma'am,

I can send someone out to your area.

- What's your address?

- Hello, police.

Um, just a second.

Hi.

We're responding to some

suspicious activity in the...

Yeah, I called. I called.

Are you here by yourself?

Yes. Come in, come in.

Great, great.

John, boy, what do you

say we protect and serve?

Hi. Thank you for

sending them so quickly.

They, they just got here.

Do not let them into your home.

We haven't sent anyone

out to your area yet.

What do you mean? They're already here.

Hello?

Ma'am, are you there?

What's happening? Hello?

Ma'am?

Hello?

Ma'am?

Hello?

Five, six, seven, eight, and stretch.

And bounce.

And turn.

And stretch.

Stretch

around.

Around.

Bend it over, girls.

Whoo.

Five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

Now stretch

those legs, ladies.

Stretch again.

Oh, yeah.

And again.

One more time, girls.

Oh, as big as you can.

Yes.

Now bend on over and

stretch those hamstrings.

Oh yeah.

So good.

Oh my,

cut.

Excuse me.

What is wrong with you?

Cut? You don't get to say cut.

I say cut.

Phoebe, what the hell

is the matter with you?

Everything was going beautiful.

I'm uncomfortable with the choreography.

Candy is showing her

nether regions to the camera.

So?

So? It's vulgar.

We're not making it p*rn, are we?

Uh, eh...

Well, it makes me uncomfortable.

This is what the audience wants, kid.

I mean they don't care about the exercises.

I mean, they just wanna wank the weasel,

pardon my French.

Well, I care about fitness.

I care about the health of our children

and the obesity rate in our country.

We have a responsibility,

just like the president says.

Look,

tell you what, kid, I promise you,

I will tell the cameraman to

go easy on the zoom lens, okay?

All right.

Now get on out there.

Hey, we're burning videotape here,

and that stuff ain't cheap.

Get some more tight

sh*ts of the goodies, okay?

Yes, sir.

Get it?

Got it? Good.

Yo, Chiefy,

want me to get up

there and fix these lights?

No, the lights are fine, Chuck.

No, what I'm saying is

I can make 'em better.

We're good, man.

Trust me.

Listen, I'm already putting on my gloves.

Charles.

Okay. Okay, okay.

Coach, you make the plays,

I back the plays you make,

okay?

I'll get my ladder just in case.

At first, Los Angeles police

thought the m*rder of a

female prost*tute last month

was an isolated act of v*olence.

But since then, they've come to believe.

- God, I'm starving. - It was connected

to a series of assaults by a k*ller

who has become known

as The Skid Row Strangler.

You want me to get you a

soda from the vending machine?

Um, maybe later.

They have diet Mr. Pib?

No.

You sure?

Yeah.

Whatever.

- Huh? - Chuck.

Holy sh*t.

Will you get me a soda

from the vending machine?

You know my name?

Yeah.

Lucky for you,

I got a pocket full of change just for you.

I love you. I got you.

Get outta the way, f*ck.

Nikki, what are you doing?

You can't eat fast food.

That cheeseburger is gonna

make you slow and heavy.

Don't worry about it.

I'll burn it off, okay?

I'm a stripper.

Do they allow you to eat

burgers when you work the pole?

Freddy, that is so degrading.

Hey, pole dancing does wonders.

I teach classes at Gold's on

Ventura, helps me stay in shape

for my wrestling matches.

You're a wrestler?

Yeah. Oil, mud, jello, whatever.

Gino was one of the judges.

What is this world coming to?

Wanna see a move?

No, I don't.

I, I said no.

Oh, my God.

Where did Gino get this square?

For your information, Candy,

I got this job because Gino

noticed my leadership skills

while I was at work.

Don't you work at that

corn dog place at the mall?

Oh, I get it now.

Gino saw have you pumping up

and down making the lemonade

like, "Ah, ah, ah, oh,

yeah, give it to me."

Maybe that's how you got this job.

I am an actress, okay?

I am just doing this

because it's another

stepping stone in my career.

That's why I'm on the cover.

Thank you, dear.

Mm-hmm, do you want a straw?

- If you don't mind. - I don't mind at all.

You know, this may just

be another job to you guys,

but this means the world to me.

I wanna change lives.

We're supposed to be role models.

You've gotta be kidding.

All right, ladies, come on.

Let's do it again.

Come on, come on, come on.

Break time's over. Hustle, hustle.

Make it look like you wanna be here.

All right, let's get sweaty.

All right, roll camera

and action.

Five, six, seven, eight, and stretch.

And bounce.

Gino.

Oh, Donna Stromboli.

How ya doin', you little bastard.

Cut.

I want you to meet Dominica Stromboli.

Her and her husband

are putting up the money

for this little video masterpiece.

Candy,

come here a minute.

This is Candy.

She's our cover girl.

Isn't she gorgeous?

And she's a real actress too.

What was the name of

that picture of yours again?

It's "The Co-ed Butcher."

- Oh. - Nice.

That's it.

Oh, great picture.

Great picture.

It's so nice to meet you, Mrs. Stromboli.

I really hope to meet

Mr. Stromboli someday.

Oh, you look like you're trouble to me.

I'm keeping you away from my husband.

Gino.

Huh?

Who's that hot, young stud over there?

Uh, that's Mikey,

uh, just outta film school.

Maybe we should get

him in some little shorts

doing some jumping jacks.

Oh, I can have him do

that for if you want, Dom.

He works for me.

No, no, no. It's not

necessary, let him work.

Can we have a moment, Gino?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

Of course.

In my office.

You guys,

take five

I's got to talk to the financier.

We can eat.

Yo, Chief, I'm gonna pop up here

and fix these lights, okay?

They're fine.

Okay, Chiefy, Jesus.

It's your show, man.

I'll do the dance.

You just gotta show me the moves.

No?

g*dd*mn it, Jesus Christ.

Here you go.

Ah,

we are going to make

a fortune with this video.

I mean what with all them

girls spreading their legs

and showing off their

coochies and whatnot,

video's gonna fly off the shelf.

That's great, Gino, my

husband will be very pleased.

Yeah.

But you and I, we have an issue.

An issue?

It's my youngest, Isabella,

she needs something to focus on.

I wanna keep her away from

her low life street friends.

And I want you to put

her in the exercise video.

- Oh. - Is that gonna be an issue?

Oh, yeah.

No, no. Yeah, yeah.

No, of course. Yeah.

Oh, we'd be glad to have her.

I, I mean,

I can't wait to meet the young, broad,

lady.

Streets are a dangerous place

for a young lady nowadays.

All them perverts out there?

No,

she'll be safe in here with me.

Yo.

Can I help you?

Yeah. Hold this.

Thanks, babe.

Oh, my baby girl.

Did you drive the Caddy here today?

No. Daddy said I could take his car.

Oh.

Okay.

You two could be sisters.

It's,

it's uncanny.

Isabella, this is Gino.

Gino is producing this workout video.

Don't you have something to say to him?

Thank you, Gino, for

this amazing opportunity.

And thank you, Mommy, for believing in me.

Oh, isn't she a doll?

- Huh, she's, uh, gorgeous. - Eat you up.

Uh, Isabella, I,

why don't you go meet

the rest of the crew, huh?

And then get changed.

We'll get started again in a few minutes.

Okay. Bye, Mama.

Bye, Sweetie.

- Love you. - Love you too.

Eh.

Huh.

Oh, thanks, babe.

Yeah, no problem.

Now, don't let her give you any grief

and make sure she keeps her nose clean.

Oh yeah. Yeah.

You got it, Dom.

I take care of her like

she were my own little girl.

Is there any place good to

eat around here? I'm famished.

Try Papachinos.

Best Italian in the whole damn city.

I'll come with you. - No.

You have work to do.

And whatever you do, Gino,

do not let me down

because if you do,

you're gonna have to deal with Frankie.

I'm not joking.

Okay.

I'll be back.

Let's go.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh.

Oh.

Gino. How am I

supposed to work like this?

There's another girl.

Hey,

the lady putting up the dough

wants her kid in the video.

That's it.

Just, just show her some

moves. She'll catch on.

But she's being a jerk.

Look, I gotta get this thing sh*t, edited

and in the can and out

to market in three days,

or it's my ass.

Now you begged me for this job,

so just use those

leadership skills of yours.

But this isn't the same as

working at Hot Dog on a Stick.

All those girls out there are perverts,

strippers and communists.

Look, kid,

this is not all about you,

remember that.

Now, I gotta take a minute

to go to the pawn shop.

There's this Arab guy

still holding my watch.

You're in charge.

But,

but they won't listen to me.

Hey, take notes, kid.

This is how it's done.

Listen up, you mooks.

Mrs. Stromboli is riding my ass,

so that means I'm riding your guys' asses,

whatever.

Hey, you listen to Phoebe, huh?

She's in charge.

Now get this video done.

No more screwing around, capishe?

Y'all wanna party?

Yeah.

Whoo hoo.

Can't have a party without tunes.

Oh, yeah.

Director, get everyone under control,

Relax, Phoebe.

Take five, or 10, or 30.

So Isabella, is it true

your dad's a mafia guy?

He's in the sanitation business.

So does that mean

he's like a garbage man?

He owns a few landfills.

I can give you a tour sometime.

Ugh.

Hey, you guys

let's watch my scene from my movie.

You get naked?

Freddy, that's rude.

Hell yeah,

in the first five minutes.

Hello, this is Veronica.

Hi, Bobby.

What am I wearing?

I'm wearing a silky white teddy

and smooth white stockings.

Ugh.

Just a second, baby.

Sorry, baby,

I had to use the restroom.

Oh yeah. It was disgusting.

I totally blew it up.

Are you ready?

Are you ready to hear my sh*t?

Uh,

oh no.

Oh my God.

Phoebe.

So annoying.

You guys,

this is not appropriate

viewing material for work.

We have a job to do.

Get the hell outta the way, Phoebe.

This is my movie. This is my chance.

You need to move.

You're no fun and you're a loser.

Bye bye. I hate you.

No.

No.

No.

No, no.

No smoking, please.

Are you talking to me?

- Oh. - What the f*ck?

I can't have you girls smoking pot.

I need you to be in top physical shape.

You've got some balls, you know that?

Do you know who my father is?

I'll have you whacked like that.

Okay. Okay, okay.

Nobody's whacking anybody.

Phoebe, why don't you

go outside and cool off?

Me?

Yeah, you're being a major buzzkill.

We're trying to watch a movie.

Make yourself useful.

Go on a beer run. We're running low.

Ugh, whatever.

Sit, 'Bella.

What the f*ck are you doing in my house?

Who are you?

Oh you've done this before, haven't you?

You're going to want to use two hands.

Okay, daddy.

What's eating you?

What's eating me?

I'm trying to get this video done.

And you show up and get everyone off track

with your delinquent ways.

Yeah. My mom says that

I have that effect on people.

No, no, no.

You son of a f*cking bastard.

Hey, hey.

Hey, you're not allowed in here.

What are you doing?

Ah.

Look, I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to fit in.

It's not like I can blame you.

They've been so horrible from the start.

No one respects me.

I mean you're the boss, right?

They don't wanna listen to you,

persuade them.

Persuade them?

Persuade them

real nice.

Smack 'em around a bit,

that's what my dad does.

Where is Joey at?

He brings me all the way out here

and then he runs off doing God knows what.

It's so cold out here.

Okay.

What do we got, Doc?

The victim's memory

glands have been excised.

You mean?

The guy cut her tits off

and took them with him?

My God.

Who would do something like that?

A real sick f*ck.

Oh my God. Is this where you want me?

Hell yeah. It's where I want you, Chuck.

What's gonna happen now, dude?

Horror movies make me

horny.

Oh my God. Does that

mean you're horny right now?

Oh yeah. It does.

Yeah.

Can't you tell?

I have no idea what horny looks like.

Are you serious? You look like a stud.

Oh my God. That's

what my mom tells me too.

Candy wants to party with Chuck.

And I wanna show you my party hats.

Oh.

Uh, you wanna party with Candy?

Wait, we can't do this.

No one's gonna catch us, dummy.

Yeah, that's what they all say.

And the next thing you know, bam.

They're back to PA-ing.

I'm a filmmaker now, Candy.

I can't just go around

sleeping with actresses.

Ew.

Are you rejecting me?

Have you seen my tits?

We were just watching

them on the screen in there.

Yeah,

in a movie,

the thing that I am gonna make

because I'm a filmmaker.

No, you're not.

Why don't you just touch my

like everybody else does, Chuck?

Yeah, well, maybe

those people aren't about

to join the union Candy, but I am, okay?

What kinda union?

I think that's fake. And I

think you're making it up.

Look at my tits.

Oh my God.

- Look at 'em, oh. - Put your boobs away.

I would never put my boobs away.

You're gonna put your boobs away.

Oh yes. They're so warm.

Can't you just feel the

heat coming off of them?

Yes, I can.

But that's not the point.

If somebody comes in

here right now and sees this,

I am never gonna get in the union.

- Look at them. - No.

Everybody wants to look at 'em, Chuck.

They're not gonna let me in the union.

Oh yeah they will.

No, they won't.

- They're soft. - No.

- And velvety. - Bet they are.

And milky pale.

Holy sh*t.

- And plump. - Wow.

You know what else is plump?

What?

Those f*cking union paychecks.

Oh, so what is this?

Are you seriously not

gonna look at my tits?

I'm so sorry. I'm sure

your tits are really luscious.

They're really, really good.

I am not gonna ever look at your tits

until they're on a big screen

in a movie that I directed.

Don't you wanna see

these big, juicy melons?

Nope.

Are you on dr*gs?

Just put your hands

on my tits like a normal

man.

The only thing that's gonna

bang is the sound of a slate

when I'm making my movie.

Now get outta my office.

Are you stupid, you f*cking assh*le?

Look at my tits,

look at 'em.

This is bullshit.

Look at my tits, ah.

Please.

She's my sister.

Candy,

you are being very unprofessional

having sex and showing your dirty movies.

You need to get back to work, or else.

Or else what?

What are you gonna do, you little twerp?

Are you gonna hit me?

You're just jealous of me 'cause I'm hot.

Do I make you uncomfortable?

Huh?

Am I putting you in a

weird position right now?

Candy, please pull your shirt back down.

You are a weirdo,

just look at them. - You're being

very unprofessional.

Look at my tits, you f*cking dummy.

I will not look at your breasts.

Oh no, you're gonna look at 'em.

No, I won't.

Oh, absolutely you are,

'cause you're a little weirdo

and I've been noticing

you looking at me anyways.

Candy, this is so unprofessional.

You haven't even seen unprofessional yet.

I'm gonna get really close to you until-

- Candy, stop.

I'm gonna put all of my sweat

on you, you f*cking weirdo.

I paid for these tits

and somebody's gonna look at 'em

and it's gonna be you, you f*cking bitch.

Look at my tits.

You're just jealous of

me because I have tits!

Stop.

You don't wanna touch on this.

Stop, stop, I don't wanna see. Stop.

Look at 'em.

Phoebe.

Holy f*ck.

I, I swear to God it wasn't me.

Well, yeah. No sh*t.

This is like certified

maniac sh*t right here.

Ugh God.

What the hell are

you doing just standing?

Holy jumping Jesus.

What the f*ck happened?

I don't-

- Candy.

Candy went to go get a drink

and we f*cking found her like this.

Oh, sweet baby Jesus.

Oh, Candy.

Oh, she didn't deserve that.

Yes, she, she was a nice piece of ass.

Uh, do you think we

should go to the cops?

Like hell.

Oh, okay.

No, we ain't going to the cops.

Uh. Oh, help me, Jesus.

What the hell are we gonna do?

Look. Look, look, look, look.

Just get rid of the body.

That's what my daddy does.

Ugh, God, your father.

I can ask my mom for some help,

but you're gonna owe

her big f*cking time for this.

Oh Christ.

Okay. Just make the call.

Phoebe. Go clean yourself up.

And nobody, nobody

comes out here, you got it?

Get it? - Yeah.

Good.

Come on.

Oh.

So we're all here, eh?

I, I regret to inform you that Candy

has decided to walk off the project.

What?

What?

So she just left?

Why?

How should I know?

I didn't ask her no questions.

I don't know. Quit crawling up my ass.

Oh, dude.

It has to be because I rejected her.

This always happens to

me. Why am I so driven?

So now what? Can we do it without Candy?

I, everybody, just, just sit tight

until I can talk to Mrs. Stromboli.

We'll get this all sorted out, okay?

Hey, are you okay?

I know it's not easy seeing a dead body.

You've seen a dead body before?

Yeah.

In the streets, you see ODs, dead hookers,

bodies with their heads cut off.

Have you heard of the Skid Row strangler?

No. Who's that?

He's some sick f*ck.

He likes to pretend he's a cop.

Strangles women, leaves 'em

for dead in the alley, naked.

Some sick f*cking sh*t.

At least when my family

wants to whack somebody,

it's just business.

Just business?

Yeah, m*rder isn't supposed to be fun,

sometimes it's necessary.

Even the president knows that.

Reagan?

It's just business, baby.

Yeah. Okay.

I mean, somebody gets in your way,

you gotta take care of it.

Just business, baby.

Yeah,

like Reagan says.

It's done, Mrs. Stromboli.

Thank you, Frankie.

Thank you.

Jesus I,

Mr. Stromboli doesn't have

to know about this, does he?

He already does.

And he's not happy about it, believe me.

Well, what are we gonna do, now?

Should, should we shut down the picture?

Why? The situation has been handled.

I paid a lot of money for this video.

But,

but there's a k*ller running around.

Frankie did a sweep of the building.

There is no one here.

Unless, of course, one of

your crew members is a k*ller.

Well, no. No.

They, they were all in the studio

and except for Phoebe and Isabella.

Lock all the doors.

Don't let anyone leave.

You have until midnight

to finish this thing.

Don't make Frankie make

two trips to the landfill.

Speaking of which, give him your keys.

You do have room in your trunk, don't you?

Oh yeah.

Oh

Yeah.

Be careful with the interior.

I got payments.

I'm gonna go freshen up.

Tell your director to

find me in the office.

Come in here.

And the clutch sticks.

Oh.

Gino, is the video canceled?

No, we gotta keep going.

Oh, Jesus. Tits.

Now I gotta find a new cover girl.

Oh, Gino, please, please,

please can I be the cover girl?

It was the role I was born to play.

Please, please, please, please.

You?

Yeah?

Yeah, sure. Knock yourself out, kid.

Oh Gino, thank you.

Thank you so much. You won't regret this.

I promise you. I will not let you down.

Thank you. Thank you.

Ugh, God. I need a g*dd*mn drink.

Thank you.

Thank you so much. I

promise I'll never k*ll again.

I'll be good. I mean it.

Thank you, thank you. Thank you, thank you.

Isabella, your thuggish ways have paid off.

You are looking at the new cover girl.

I can't believe this is happening to me.

Well, that's pretty rad.

I guess it's good somebody

k*lled her then, huh?

Yeah, I guess so.

All right, everybody get back to work.

Take it from the top.

Um, who's going to take Candy's place?

Me.

I'm the new cover girl.

Why do you get to be cover girl?

Because I have really great work ethic.

Um we've been working just as hard as you.

Not to sound like a mega bitch,

but me, Monique and

Nikki look the best, okay?

Call me mean, but it's the truth.

Phoebe is a dud.

She's a freak.

Now all of you just shut up.

Please. Just shut up.

I'm sick and tired of all you broads

barking your demands at me.

Now I'm the boss.

Now, you know,

I wanna see you ladies sweat a little.

So here's what we're gonna do.

Freddy's gonna take

single sh*ts of each of ya.

Whoever gives the best performance

gets the cover.

I'll do it.

No,

no, no.

I said no. Out, just get out.

Yeah, hey.

My chihuahua looks better in tights.

And you broads,

you broads, just get back to work.

Jesus Christ.

Give me this, give me that.

Oh yeah.

Gino, give me the cover.

Well, blow me.

Okay ladies, let's put our hair up.

Looks like we have a competition.

Yes

we

Do.

You should probably

cut your losses now, Phoebe.

Candy may be gone, but

you don't stand a chance.

Nikki is a stripper,

Monique's ripped, and

my ass is nicer than yours.

Hell, even mafia girl stands a chance.

Just accept your place and stay the back.

Just when I thought

things were going my way,

these g*dd*mn m*therf*cking

cock sucking b*tches

stage a coup.

Now I might not get the video cover

just because they're prettier than me.

It's not fair.

Look, if you are as

talented as you say you are,

you ain't got sh*t to worry about.

Or fight fire with fire.

I just don't wanna go against my values

any more than I already have.

Psst,

hey, Mikey,

come here a minute, huh?

Mrs. Stromboli wants to

talk with you in my office

to discuss

career options, huh?

Might be some financing for a film in it.

What about the video?

Ah, Freddy can handle that.

Now listen to me, Mikey,

youse got to do everything

that she asks you to, eh?

Huh,

but by no means do you touch her.

Her husband is bad news.

But I have to do whatever she says?

That's right.

But don't touch her because I'll be dead?

Exactly.

But if I don't do what

she says, I'm dead too?

You got it.

Now, go on. Get in there.

Get it.

Oh.

All right.

You uh,

you didn't tell her

that you're not exactly,

uh, playing for her team?

I really wanna make a movie, Freddy.

Welcome to Hollywood, bud.

So basically, I'm a filmmaker.

I mean I'm the one that sets the lights.

I set the mics, I build the sets.

I run the cable.

I mean, I do everything.

I'm making this movie really.

I'm trying to join the union.

Did I already tell you that?

Yeah, I'm gonna join the union.

You should join the union.

Chuck, I don't even

think strippers have a union.

Well, you should.

They're super f*cking cool.

Wait, have you ever

thought about being a roadie?

Dude, I have an extra

set of fingerless gloves

you can borrow.

Shut up.

They're rad. You can

still shred the guitar.

Shut up.

Wrap cable.

You can f*cking do anything.

So, your mom let you

to stay out late and stuff?

I pretty much do what I want when I want.

Now close your eyes.

Isn't she afraid of you getting m*rder*d

by the Skid Row strangler?

She's not that kind of mom.

One time I was staying with this punk band

for like a week or so,

she didn't even notice I was gone.

You can tell she really loves you though.

She threatened Gino and

made him put you in this video.

That's love.

Yeah.

See, she thinks this thing's

gonna like turn me around

and set me straight.

But I'm a lost cause.

No, aerobics can do that.

Close your eyes.

Hey, I'll make a deal with you.

If you keep the camera on me at all times,

I'll go out with you.

Oh, you can do better than that.

Well, what do you want?

Something special for

my, you know, collection.

Ugh, you pig.

Um, Isabella, I don't

know if I can do this.

Sure you can.

You just need to loosen up a little bit.

You wanna do some blow?

What? No, I cannot.

I don't do dr*gs. No.

What would President Reagan think?

Reagan will be just fine. Trust me.

I don't know.

Even Nancy?

Nancy's gonna be just fine as well.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Okay, if you say so.

Oh God.

Yeah, let's uh.

Yeah, I'm gonna take that.

Okay. Thank you.

Yeah, we're gonna, um,

you'll be fine.

- Yeah? - It's gonna be great.

Yeah, it's gonna be great.

It's gonna be great. - Reagan doesn't care.

Yeah.

- No. - No, Reagan,

Reagan doesn't care, you're good.

Okay.

Okay.

You, Monique.

Hey you. Monique.

Can I speak to you over here?

Yeah, what is it?

All right, come on.

Come in, follow me, come on.

Faster, come on.

Private conversation, shut

the door behind you, please.

Private.

I've just been thinking a lot

about symmetry.

Do you think symmetry is important?

'Cause I think symmetry is very important.

I think we need one less girl.

So I think you should leave.

Ugh, that's bullshit.

You can't make that

call. You're not the boss.

Mm, actually,

I remember when Gino put me in charge.

Do you remember that? 'Cause

I remember that pretty well.

Do you remember that?

Well, I'm just thinking about the video.

I have the video first

in my head, you know?

I think it's the most

important thing, the video.

I think the video should come first.

I think it should come first.

Do you think it should come first?

'Cause I think the video should come first

and I think you should leave.

Why me? Why not the mafia

girl or Cassandra or Nikki?

I'm the most physically fit.

Um, well, you know,

I'm not a big fan of those girls either.

But I'm also really not

a big fan of wrestling.

I think, you know,

aerobics is much harder than wrestling and-

- Wrestling requires way

more strength than aerobics.

You're just discriminating

'cause I'm a wrestler.

Ha.

First of all, no, because,

you know, it's just business.

It's not personal. It's

just business, so no.

Also, second of all, no.

Wrestling is not harder than aerobics.

Really?

You wouldn't last a

second with me, Pho-bee.

You wanna try me?

Yeah.

No, no.

Hey, Monique, stop it. Stop it.

Okay, wrestling is cool.

You're going to k*ll me.

Stop it.

I'm sorry, Monique,

it was for the greater good.

You

My name is Phoebe.

Whoo, come on, let's get

started. Come on, whoo.

Where's Monique?

I had to let her go.

Why?

For aesthetic reasons.

Do you wanna be next? Get in line.

Who d*ed and made you leader?

Candy did, bitch.

Ready? Five, six, seven, eight.

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.

Okay, it looks like we got the sh*t.

Oh, thank you, Jesus.

All right,

now get the solo sh*ts and

then get to editing immediately.

So who's gonna be on the cover?

Look, I don't know the answer to that.

You want the answer to that?

You'll have to wait till it's done.

All you broads clear out, huh?

Mikey's got a meeting he's gotta go to.

So who wants to sh**t first?

I'll go first.

Awesome.

Well, hello there.

Hi, Mrs. Stromboli.

Gino said you wanted to see me.

Please, call me Dominica.

Come in. Step into my office.

Shut the door.

Come sit next to me.

Um, on the table?

Yeah, right here.

Have a seat.

Okay.

Let's talk about your career,

Mikey.

Oh.

Would you settle down?

You're starting to give me

f*cking motion sickness.

What's your f*cking problem?

I just wanna know

what she's doing in there.

She's probably blowing him.

That's prostitution.

That's America, sweetie.

That's not Reagan's America.

Some people have to do it to survive.

They gotta do what they gotta do.

I like to do it for the thrill.

You know, I don't understand you.

You have a mom that loves you so much,

a dad that lets you

drive his super-cool cars

and you go out and turn

tricks on the street for fun?

What the heck is wrong with you?

Well, sorry I wasn't born

with the perfect mom and dad

like you were.

You know nothing about my life.

Tell me, what do you see for yourself?

Well, I would like to be a filmmaker

and make feature films.

I have some ideas.

Mm,

you are so creative.

How would you feel about

going into business together?

Uh,

yeah, that would be awesome.

Um, I mean

I, I would like to have a meeting with you

and your husband.

We need to get really close, Mikey.

We need to build a relationship.

Okay.

That's your tongue.

I just wanna know why you and not me?

Why does someone like

you get all the breaks?

And you don't even care.

It just makes me so mad.

What are you gonna do? k*ll

me like Candy and Monique?

I'm not a snitch, okay?

At least that's one good thing

my parents could teach me.

But what you should know,

you can't k*ll your way

to the f*cking top, okay?

People need to like you.

Yeah, my mom and dad are criminals,

but at least people love them.

We interrupt this broadcast

to bring you an important news break.

The body of a young woman was found

near a construction site

by the Ventura Freeway

early this morning.

Authorities are asking citizens

not to travel alone at night

or accept rides from strangers.

We will bring you more

information as this story develops.

Show's over.

That's it?

We just started.

Mrs. Stromboli, we can't be doing this.

You're a married woman.

Oh, don't you worry about that.

He's got his little whores on the side.

And if he can play,

I can play.

Oh, so this is okay with him?

Oh God, no.

If he finds out, he'll cut your d*ck off

and shove it down your throat.

Oh my God. Oh, you're

strong, Mrs. Stromboli.

You don't have to worry about that.

We're just talking.

Little rat skin.

I am being the perfect,

loyal,

loving

wife.

Do you want me to tell him

that you couldn't keep

your hands off of me?

No, ma'am.

Hi, Freddy.

I'm ready for my solo sh**t if you are.

Oh rad. Let's get started.

So how's the footage looking?

Good, you know?

Real hot, you know?

But I know that's not the

reason why you're asking.

What do you mean?

You don't have to play coy.

I know all you ladies

wanna be on the cover.

I just want the best girl to win.

And I believe the best girl is me.

Yeah. How are you gonna prove it?

Miss Stromboli.

Like that, don't you?

You're an animal.

Oh, baby.

So what do you say, Phoebs?

How bad do you want this cover?

Enough to give me a private show?

Why is everyone in this city

such a g*dd*mn scumbag?

I'm gonna report you to Gino.

He doesn't care.

All he cares about his

leg doesn't get broken

by some gombas.

So are you gonna show me?

I knew it. You're busted.

Wait till I tell everyone.

- Cassandra, don't, please. - Oh my God.

No.

Help.

Help please.

Stop.

Please stop.

Help.

Officer, please help.

She k*lled Freddy.

Phoebe k*lled Freddy.

Thank God you guys are here.

Yeah, thank God.

Oh, Isabella, oh my God.

I'm so sorry. You have to help me.

The cops are coming. I k*lled Freddy.

What the f*ck is wrong with you?

Oh, I don't know.

I just like wanted everything to be fair.

And then like, I know, he

just made me really, really mad

and I just had to k*ll him.

But then the cops are here, I'm sorry.

Oh my f*cking God.

I can't keep cleaning up

your g*dd*mn messes.

Get the f*ck outta here.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

It's okay, baby. I'm here to protect you.

Well, why don't you get in my car?

No, we have to go back to the studio.

The other girls are in danger.

Other girls?

What did we do to deserve this?

We're gonna make detective tonight.

Whoo

I think I heard a noise.

Okay, that's for the

money. That's for the fame.

Oh, she's biting it.

You're biting real hard, Mrs. Stromboli.

What's your favorite mountain bike up here?

Okay.

- Shut up. - Camera.

My own star on the Walk of Fame.

Lights,

camera.

Want some action?

Oh, bogus, dude. That's not cool.

There has to be an explanation for this.

Yeah. Phoebe's a f*cking lunatic.

Holy Christ!

How is it you kids keep getting

yourself brutally m*rder*d?

Phoebe k*lled Freddy, I saw her.

I told the cops.

You told the cops?

Why the f*ck you do that?

Why are you yelling at me?

Look, she's a f*cking idiot, okay?

We gotta do something now.

Hey, you got a problem with the fuzz, boss?

I can dig it.

Let's just say there's a

little bar down in Houston

that I can't step foot in for reasons.

Well, we gotta get rid

of them, that's for sure.

I got it.

I'll start an electrical fire.

We'll burn the whole building

down. Everyone will evacuate.

It'll get rid of the evidence.

I'll make it look like an

accident. I've done it before.

I like the way this guy f*cking thinks.

Are you f*cking insane?

We ain't gonna burn the place down.

Okay.

Okay. All right, it's your hoedown, man.

You just tell me when to

allemande or dosey doe.

We gotta act f*cking fast, Gino.

Well, okay, wait.

I'm just gonna have to

put on a charm. That's all.

Yeah, that's it.

Uh, let me do all the talking, all right?

Okay? You got it?

Get it? Good.

Okay.

- We need to do something.

You need to go find Phoebe.

You think she's good for this?

No, not really.

But go find Phoebe. Make sure she's safe.

I'll take care of the f*cking cops, okay?

No, I'll pretend I'm a homicidal maniac.

I'll put on a hockey mask

and I'll get a chainsaw,

and I'll f*cking scare 'em away.

They're gonna f*cking sh**t you.

They never sh**t

the k*ller in the movies.

It's the LAPD, are

you f*cking kidding me?

They sh**t everybody.

Look, I need you to go find Phoebe.

Make sure she's safe,

cause a f*cking distraction,

I'll take care of the rest.

Okay.

All right. You got it, boss.

Okay.

- Oh my God. - Oh,

oh my God.

My glasses.

f*ck your glasses. I want you to f*ck me.

And I'm gonna get

money for the film, right?

Yes you are, baby.

What was that?

I didn't hear anything.

Police, open up.

Oh f*ck.

Put your clothes on, dummy.

Good evening, officers.

How can I help you?

Can you get off the table, please.

Officers, I'm sure we can discuss this.

I said

stand the f*ck up.

Can I at least put my shirt on?

Get off the table.

Do you know who I am?

I don't give a sh*t who you are.

Now up against the table.

Spread 'em.

Hey.

Get your hands off.

What did you say to me, boy?

Just be gentle, okay?

Looks like we got

ourselves a hero here, John.

Calm down, Bob.

We still got a k*ller to find.

You two,

main room.

Come on. Go.

Go on. Main room.

Wear a shirt, don't wear a

shirt. Nobody gives a sh*t.

f*cking ruining my fun, John.

There's gotta be something.

Oh.

Oh, baby.

Get the f*ck off my

mom, you f*cking assh*le.

What the f*ck's wrong with you?

What the f*ck?

It's okay, baby. I'm fine.

Oh Bob.

Looks like we got us a

mother-daughter team here.

What the f*ck's wrong with you?

I ain't never done a

mother and a daughter

at the same time before, it could be fun.

Good evening, officer.

I'm Gino Antonioni,

I am the owner of this studio.

So is there a problem here?

Well, Mr. Antonioni,

I have it from sugar tits here

that there's been a m*rder on the premises.

You wouldn't know anything about that?

Oh, she's delirious.

She's been up all night exercising.

It's working out. Sweating.

No hey, she's on dr*gs.

I'm not high.

I saw Freddy with my own eyes.

Cassandra, please.

No, you're hiding the truth.

Is there anyone else in the building?

No. This, this is, this is it, yeah.

Well, I'll tell you what's gonna happen.

Me and this little Miss Thing

are gonna go find a private room

and I'm gonna interrogate her properly.

Cassandra, don't.

Hey, you sit still, g*dd*mn it.

The rest of you can get

to know my partner, Bob.

Walk.

Yes, officer.

All right, sweet cheeks,

park it here.

Tell me what you saw.

You hiding something

underneath that dress of yours?

I think I'm gonna have

to pat you down again.

Hey, man. Cool it.

Handcuff yourself to

the railing of that door

now.

Now.

Hey, just do what he says, Mikey.

That's a good boy.

Huh.

Just do what we say and we'll let you go.

What's he doing to Cassandra?

Interrogate her.

Right about now,

he's interrogating her real good.

I knew that girl was a head case

from the moment I met her.

She's mega disturbed.

Uh huh.

She tried telling us what to do,

and we told her to get

bent and she turned psycho.

The rest of the crew is shady too.

The Latina girl is a stripper.

The Italian girl and her mom,

they're gangsters.

I believe Gino has a warrant out.

Oh.

Oh f*ck, that was a good one.

Oh f*ck.

What?

Was that you?

The one they've been looking for.

They say you k*lled somebody.

Is that right?

No.

No. I'm not gonna hurt you.

I like you.

We both hate stupid girls,

who don't know how to listen.

Who's laughing now, huh?

Tell you what, I'll make you a deal.

You stay right there,

right where you're hiding,

and we'll let you go.

I can tell you're a smart cookie, just

please,

don't do anything stupid.

Oh.

Did she squeal?

Oh, like a pig.

Where's Cassandra?

What did you do to her?

She is being held for more questioning.

Now the real question is who do I

interrogate next?

How about you?

Well, I didn't do, I didn't see anything.

Well, according to

the other little lady in there,

you're a dancer.

I'd like to corroborate that.

I didn't do anything.

Really, I'm not a dancer. I

don't know how to dance.

What is dancing?

Just do what he says.

Let's see it.

Okay.

How about some flash dancing?

On the chair.

Okay.

It's time for the big finish.

Yeah.

Take it off, baby.

No, no, no, no.

The shoes.

Keep the top on.

Keep going.

Socks.

Let's go.

Ooh.

Come on, Bob.

Get in there and do some

real detective work for once.

Are you ticklish?

No.No.

Think we can make her ticklish?

I know you can, Bob.

Okay, officer.

I think we've cooperated here quite enough.

I must say though, your

methods are a little q*eer.

q*eer?

You calling me q*eer?

I ain't no f*cking q*eer.

The ladies can't keep

their hands off me. Ask Bob.

He's all man.

Yeah.

I bet you guys like to see

each other in action, huh?

How about you both get the f*ck outta here

and go f*ck each other up the ass.

I bet that's what you

both really want, huh?

I love that filthy little mouth.

You just became

my number one suspect.

- Don't you touch my baby,

you son up a bitch.

Yeah, Bob, we got us a

mother-daughter team here.

Can't split that up.

Think it's only fair we

interrogate them together.

Who gets who? I want

the one with the filthy mouth.

Well, sh*t. I want a turn.

Take me.

I'll do anything.

I know what a man like you wants.

I know how to please a man like you.

I'll let you do anything.

You can slap me, you can cut me

and I will cry and I will scream for you.

You know, I don't usually

go for broads your age.

I don't even go for broads

your daughter's age.

I like them much, much younger.

But I don't know,

you're really doing something for me.

Hold this, come on.

Ma. No, don't.

It's okay, baby.

Gotcha.

I've been through this before.

Get the f*ck off me,

you f*cking cock sucker.

Keep talking filthy,

it's getting me all excited.

Ma.

Phoebs,

where are you going?

I've gotta get outta here.

I can't let you do that.

Isabella, she sent me to come find you,

make sure you're okay.

She said that?

f*ck yeah she did.

- Oh. - Listen,

people said you did some

super gnarly sh*t in there,

but you still got friends.

Whatever it is, we can work through it.

We're film family.

You're right. I can't leave now.

Yeah.

Hey, you know what?

Chill here.

I gotta cause a distraction

to get rid of those f*cking cops.

Wait, they're not cops.

Tho, those guys are bad.

I'm gonna go back in there.

You make that distraction.

I'm taking your hammer.

All right,

whatever, dude.

Let's go.

Come here.

Get off of her, you ugly f*ck.

Oh, Jesus Christ,

you shouldn't be doing that.

Yeah. Why's that?

g*dd*mn it, Bob,

can you keep them quiet

for five f*cking minutes?

You need to get outta here.

I'm not leaving here without my mom.

You know what?

This isn't working for me.

You're too f*cking

womanly.

I'm gonna come back in about five minutes

and I'm just gonna k*ll you.

See you soon.

g*dd*mn it, Bob. Get up.

Get up.

God, what the f*ck happened?

They went for the,

they went to get the f*cking mother.

g*dd*mn.

Son of a bitch.

Hey, f*ck-face.

What?

God

damn it.

God,

you sh*t me in the f*cking ear.

Sorry, kid.

Ma.

The f*ck did that fucker do to you?

I'm fine, baby.

Just, just unlock me.

Jesus, guys come on.

Would you, would you hurry up?

You little sh*t.

Help.

You like that?

Mikey.

Oh, I think my ribs are broken.

Ooh, really?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Why would you do that?

I don't know. I'm uh, I'm sorry.

It's okay. Let's get you outta here.

No, just go.

The other one's still in the building.

What?

Phoebe.

No. No.

When I asked you

not to do anything stupid,

this is exactly what I was talking about.

Now, where is that g*dd*mn mother

and her whore of a daughter?

I'm not a snitch.

Useless!

Oh.

What the f*ck?

Get the f*ck off of her.

Get off my mom.

g*dd*mn it.

What the f*ck is this?

Who the f*ck are you?

You better leave, man.

I'm gonna cut,

I'm gonna cut you real bad.

Oh. Oh, you're gonna cut me?

You're gonna f*cking cut me?

I'm just messing around, man.

I'm just messing around.

Chill, man. Chill.

Who the f*ck you

think you're dealing with?

You think this is a movie?

No.

I'm the real f*cking deal.

Yeah

Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You, you don't have to do this.

You, you and me. We're the same.

I, I don't want to k*ll.

I have to k*ll, just like you.

We are not the same.

Sure we are.

We, we both hate stupid girls.

I, I know you're not.

You're a smart girl, and what I'm gonna do,

I'm gonna get in my car,

I'm gonna drive away and

you'll never see me again.

You, you, you already got Bob.

You k*lled Bob. You don't need revenge.

You, you have nothing to gain from this.

- This isn't about revenge.

This isn't personal.

This is just business.

You can feel the burn. Murdercise.

You can feel the burn. Murdercise.

Murdercise. You can feel the burn

Murdercise. Murdercise

You can feel the burn. Murdercise.

Murdercise. She's lost in her joy joy

Joy. All her joy

Too much joy.

Oh, Don,

thank God you are safe.

I prayed to Mary, Joseph and Jesus.

Oh, thank God you're safe.

Thanks for nothing.

You left us all here to die, you putz.

No, I, I went for help.

Yeah. Yeah.

You are useless.

Mikey.

Phoebe.

Careful.

Where are these bastards?

I'm okay, Frankie,

and they're all dead.

Phoebe got em.

Well, hey, nice job, kids.

Especially you, Phoebe.

Uh, I mean, saving Mrs. Stromboli,

you saved all our asses, huh?

What can I say?

And you, Mikey,

there's a gold watch in this for you,

slightly used and later,

but a gold watch.

Congratulations.

Thanks, Gino.

I guess it's back to Hot

Dog on a Stick for me.

Oh, no, no, no.

I promise, the next video, even better.

There's still the matter

of this video, Gino.

You are still on the clock.

But,

but there's bodies all over the place.

Well, you've got your work

cut out of you now don't you?

Get rid of the bodies.

Oh, and Phoebe will be the next cover girl.

Oh.

I don't know what to say, Mrs. Stromboli.

Thank you so much.

How would you like to

join our family, Phoebe?

Boy, I'd love to.

And Isabella here,

I'm sure would love to

have you around more.

Really? You mean that, Isabella?

Yeah. I guess,

having a level-headed

homicidal maniac as a friend,

it'd be all right.

Ms. Stromboli,

it would be an honor.

Call me Ma.

And Mikey,

you are going to need a nurse

and I will personally

make sure that you heal

and recover.

Oh, ribs. Ribs.

Ribs. - Oh, right, sorry.

O say can you see

Hi, I'm Phoebe Wrenkowski,

and I have a message

for the youth of today.

cr*ck is whack.

Say no to dr*gs, say no to communism

and always practice safe sex

by not doing it.

Build a better body and we

could build a better America.

Through the perilous fight

O'er the ramparts we watched,

were so gallantly streaming

And the

Yeah

She's just an innocent girl

And she's lost in the

shadows of her world

And she's just doing what's told

She looks out the window

and it's so cold, cold, cold

It's so cold

Whoa, ho, ho

The window knows

You can feel the burn

Murdercise, pain is gain

You can feel the burn

Murdercise, pain is gain

You can feel the burn

Murdercise, pain is gain

You can feel the burn

Murdercise, pain is gain

She's lost her innocence boys

And now life is her toy

She's lost in renaissance boy

She's lost in her joy, joy, joy

All the joy

Whoa, ho, ho

Too much joy

You can feel the burn

Murdercise, pain is gain

You can feel the burn

Murdercise, pain is gain

You can feel the burn

Murdercise, pain is gain

You can feel the burn

Murdercise, pain is gain

No one respects me.

I mean you're the boss, right?

They don't wanna listen to you?

Persuade them.

Persuade them?

Persuade them.

Real nice.

Smack 'em around a bit.

That's what my dad does.

The m*rder isn't supposed to be fun,

sometimes it's necessary.