Hi. What seems to be the trouble?
I lost my kitty. He's up there.
In the tree, huh?
Oh, yeah, there he is.
Boy, he's up there high.
I wouldn't worry about him.
He'll be fine.
He'll probably come down
in a couple days.
Cats like to climb trees.
They're good at it.
He'll get hungry, and he'll
come down and see you.
Don't cry.
What's the cat's name?
Fluffy.
Fluffy, huh?
Okay.
Fluffy.
Come here, Fluffy.
I'll be right down. Oh...
Okay. All right.
Yeah.
Come on, Fluffy.
Fluffy.
Hello, Fluffy.
Come on. Come on, Fluffy.
Here you go.
Come on, Fluffy.
Atta-Fluffy.
Yeah, Fluffy.
Hey, I got him.
Oh...
Oh, my God.
Don't move.
Would you quit moving?
Come on, don't do that.
Don't do that.
You wanna hurry up? Huh?
Come on, this cat's nervous.
That's far enough.
Get up. Get up.
Get against the car! Easy!
- Don't move.
- I'm a cop.
Mel, what are you doing?
Jesus, Frank.
You almost k*lled me.
Would you take it easy?
Well, I'm very sorry.
You wanna explain
what you're doing here?
Hello, Rizzo.
What are you doing?
I'll give you one guess.
Uh, stealing television sets?
Hey, he's not as dumb
as he looks, huh?
Bite the bag, Rizzo.
Your ass is grass.
Frank, take the TV set.
Let's get the hell out of here.
I already own a TV set. Unh.
Frank.
Think about it, Frank.
You take the g*dd*mn TV set
and keep your big mouth shut.
Internal Affairs. Don't move.
Freeze. It's okay.
It's okay, boys.
We got him covered.
Hey, this ain't mine.
Sorry, Frank.
It is now.
This court Looks upon corruption
with great disdain.
You should be
ashamed of yourself
for betraying the trust
and responsibility
that was placed upon you.
Do you have anything
to say for yourself, officer?
I'm sorry. Mr. Dooley.
I didn't do it, Your Honor.
Your Honor, given the fact
that Officer Dooley
has been fined and dismissed
by the police department,
the state feels it is appropriate
to move for dismissal.
All right, but I don't like it.
Motion granted. Dismissed.
Next case.
Call prisoner Lawrence Lupik.
Unh!
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Made my day, really. Thank you.
Is the defense counsel present?
Here, Your Honor.
In case number 867810,
the defendant is charged
with three counts
of breaking and entering,
five counts of armed robbery,
three counts of kidnapping--
Right on.
Order in the court,
or I'll have you all removed.
one count of extortion,
two counts of aggravated as*ault
with a deadly w*apon,
and five counts of as*ault
with the intent to k*ll.
Mr. Lupik, how do you plead?
Your Honor, I--
If I go to jail, I'll k*ll you.
It's good.
Your Honor, may I
approach the bench?
Well, if you must.
Your Honor, I'm prepared
to plead Mr. Lupik guilty
on the armed robbery charge,
if the people will reduce
the assaults
to resisting arrest and
agree to suspend sentence.
What about kidnapping
and extortion?
He didn't mean it, Your Honor.
You call that plea-bargaining?
Where the hell
did you go to law school?
I just feel that a long
prison sentence is not
warranted in this case.
The police found rugs
in his apartment made
out of human hair.
Well, bad taste is not
a crime, Your Honor,
last time I checked
the statutes.
Your Honor, I feel this
whole thing falls under
a sociopsychological,
you know, kind of umbrella.
Uh, I sincerely feel that
the facts are completely
irrelevant in this case.
Let me put it this way, Your Honor.
He says if he goes to jail,
he's gonna k*ll me.
Now, I don't usually believe
every psychopath I defend,
but I happen to believe this guy.
Mr. Kane, you are without a doubt
one of the worst lawyers
I've ever seen.
Oh, well, then,
I move for a mistrial.
Shut up.
Yes, sir.
Furthermore, it's obvious to me
that you're having
some sort of a breakdown.
So this is what I suggest:
You plead your client
guilty on all counts,
and I'll give him
a sentence so long,
he won't even remember
his own name, let alone yours.
Then you promise to find
a new line of work for yourself
with a lot less
responsibility, okay?
Yes, sir. Thank you.
The world is a sh*thole,
full of shitty little scumbags
who are scared shitless.
With dedication...
You think he's a little a**l?
I think he's right.
Now, this badge will
lift you out of that scum,
into a $12-billion-a-year industry.
My name is Captain O'Connell,
and I welcome you to
the world of private security.
Any questions?
Yeah?
You mean we're gonna
actually earn $12 billion a year?
No, you're gonna earn
$4.60 an hour.
Which is starting pay
for everyone,
regardless of age, sex,
race, color or intelligence.
You work 10 hours, you make $46.
Now, let me get this straight.
If you wanted to work, say,
3 billion hours,
I could roughly pull in
over $12 billion
if I was eager enough
and put the time in?
- Any more questions?
- Yes.
Where it says "name"--?
Look. Here on the application.
Do I put my name? Huh?
Yeah. Oh, thank you, sir.
Where it says "police record,"
does that mean felonies
or misdemeanors?
Both.
Oh. Well, can I write
on the back, then?
I don't think I'm gonna have room.
We got lots of extra paper
if you need it.
Now, you've all had a chance
to read the booklet
"Careers in Private Security."
You look like a guy who defended
me once on an as*ault charge.
Oh, really? Did you get off?
I got three years.
There are two functions--
- No, wasn't me.
- -for a security guard.
Excuse me, I'm gonna stand up
and stretch the old legs.
But no matter what you do,
your primary responsibility
is always the same:
To observe and report.
But should you witness
a crime or violation...
Interesting group of people.
- Yeah, to Freud, maybe.
- However,
you can detain somebody
Norman Kane.
and use force if necessary
Frank Dooley.
until the police arrive.
Any questions?
Yeah?
Yeah.
Let's say somebody
lying, right?
And you know they lying.
Can you sh**t them?
Well, it depends.
Use your own judgment.
Thank you. I appreciate that.
Any other questions?
Yes, I have a question
concerning our powers of arrest.
The statutes governing citizen's
arrest really aren't very clear.
Will we be indemnified
by the company against Lawsuits
or prosecution resulting from
wrongful arrest complaints?
What are you, a lawyer?
No. No.
No. No, what I mean to say is,
if I detain a shoplifter, let's say,
and he turns out to be innocent
and, um, he sues me
for a million dollars,
what happens?
What happens?
You spend the rest
of your life paying for it.
And you die miserable
and broke.
So don't screw up.
- Thank you.
- Now,
the fee for the course is $51.50.
Don't worry.
I'm an ex-cop. You stick with me,
I'll keep you out of trouble.
Which you can pay now, or we can
deduct it from your first paycheck.
In addition, as licensed
security guards,
you'll be required
to join a union.
The International Alliance
of Special Police and Guards.
These are your union
representatives.
Mr. Klepper
and Mr. Lazarus.
Thank you, Clarence.
The initiation fee is $30,
payable now.
Now, if you can't pay,
don't worry.
We'll deduct it
from your first paycheck.
Thereafter, the weekly dues
will be $15
and will be
deducted automatically.
The forms are in front of you
on the desk.
Sign them and pass
them forward.
Any questions?
Uh, yes, I have a question.
Ahem. Minor point.
What if we don't
wanna join?
This is a union shop.
You wanna work,
you join.
Well, I don't wanna speak
out of school, but $15 a week,
to me, seems excessive.
Now, where does
this money go?
Well, that money goes
to your pension and welfare fund.
Ah.
And when are
the benefits paid?
When you're 65.
- Sixty-five?
- Hey.
What's with
all the questions?
This is your union.
It's for your own protection.
So shut up and sign
the f*cking form.
Do you have a pen?
As you can see,
it's really quite simple.
Just remember,
when you pull the trigger,
the b*ll*ts come out
going very, very fast.
So make sure to keep
the w*apon pointed
away from you.
Now, that's about it.
You are now armed guards.
God help us all.
So return to your positions
and load your g*ns,
but do not,
I repeat, do not
commence f*ring
until I have left
the target area.
Thank you.
You won't Lie
to me no more.
Take that,
you scumbag.
Nice sh**ting, soldier.
I can't tell you
how much I hate this.
What's your problem?
What's my problem?
This is a dangerous
w*apon here.
It can hurt somebody.
I-- I can't sh**t it.
I-- I don't
have it in me.
You see that turd in the red plaid shirt
who's gonna blow your head off?
Watch.
Do you wanna
be partners?
Raise your right hand,
repeat after me.
- I...
- I...
- State your name.
- State your name.
Do solemnly swear
to uphold the laws
of the state of California
and government
of the United States
in the exercise of my duties
as a special officer...
--in the exercise of my duties
as a special officer
under the provisions
of the Private Guard Act...
--safety and security of the persons
or property placed in my charge.
--placed in my charge.
- Okay, that's it.
- Here are your diplomas.
Fill them out
if your name's not on it.
You're now fully licensed
security guards. Congratulations.
Report to Sergeant Cavanaugh
for your assignments.
That's it?
Yeah.
Class of Thursday,
3:30 p.m.
Congratulations.
- Kane.
- Yes, right here.
Carlex Pharmaceuticals.
Night shift, starting tomorrow.
That's it? Just like that, huh?
Mr. Kane, there are only
two things that you
have to remember:
Never fall asleep
where anyone can see you,
and make sure your name is very
clearly marked on your lunch.
Well, I can handle that.
I'm gonna put you with Dooley here.
Hey, Dooley?
Yeah?
You're working with Kane.
Oh, good.
I'll keep an eye on him for you.
No.
I was hoping that he could
keep an eye on you.
Kokolovitch.
She likes me.
Can you drive?
Yeah.
Pick me up tomorrow.
Hardtronics.
Make a left.
Guards Norman Kane
and Frank Dooley reporting--
I love to watch a professional
at work, don't you?
I think this job's gonna be
really, really good, Frank.
You know, it's just
what I need right now.
Hey, you wanna slow down?
What, are you trying to suck up
your first day on the job?
No, it's just--
In such a big hurry to do nothing?
Wow.
- Look at those monsters.
- Jimmy, get the dog off my head!
I can't!
Get in there!
You wanna pet them?
Come on, we'll
go pet them.
Norman Kane, Frank Dooley,
night shift.
Here are your building layouts
and your time clock locations.
Take lunch at 11:30.
And stay out the annex.
Pay attention, fat boy.
It's canine control.
You got it?
Duh, yeah, I-- I think so.
Don't be a smart-ass, Dooley.
Now go and relieve
the day shift.
Yes, sir.
Yeah, come on,
let's go be security guards.
What did you call him?
A muscle-bound jerk?
What?
He's not.
He's a nitwit, but he's
no muscle-bound jerk.
Enough.
Maybe he thought I was crazy
to keep trying.
In your judgment, was your ship
on the verge of foundering
when the executive officer
assumed command?
Dooley.
Yeah?
I told y'all to take lunch
at 11:30.
So?
So? It's 11:45.
It's against the rules to be in a
working area during breaks or meals.
Hey, man, read my lips.
Report to the cafeteria.
Can I just catch the end
of this movie?
Now!
Oh, what a bullshit rule.
Come on, let's go
grab some lunch.
Well, I left my lunch in the car, Frank,
so I'll meet you in the caf, all right?
Yeah, right.
Save me a seat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, how about a lift?
Hey, you jerk.
Hi, fellas. How's it going?
Ski masks? Guys,
I got news for you.
It's not that cold tonight.
Don't you have someplace
you're supposed to be?
No, not right now.
I'm on lunch break.
Half an hour.
Saw you guys working, thought
I'd come by and say hello.
Do you fellas have an invoice
for this shipment?
You're kidding, right?
A bill of lading, perhaps?
Look, Kane.
We got special permission
to take this stuff.
Well! So you say.
But I gotta check it out
back at the office.
You couldn't be
that stupid.
Oh, I don't know.
I think I could be.
- Yes?
- Absolutely.
Wait a minute.
I'm warning you.
You guys are asking
for big trouble.
Ah!
Frank, come in.
I'm being chased.
Two men in ski masks.
Help. Help.
Frank.
Frank, I'm in the loading dock area.
Come in.
You made me run.
I hate running.
Guys, I'm gonna level with you.
Take whatever you want.
Because I don't care.
I'm not a company man.
Oh, you don't need those.
You don't need those. You sh**t me,
you're gonna have guilt.
You're dead meat, pal.
Oh, God!
Ha-ha-ha. Yeah.
Freeze!
Holy sh*t.
Guard Dog Security.
Respond, please.
Hello.
Hi.
You two are doing
a great job.
I'm gonna k*ll those guys.
Anthony, let's go.
Get in the truck, we're leaving.
Ah!
Ah! Oh, ah.
Ow!
Oh, you wanna
play rough, do you?
All right, let's
play rough. Come on.
Let that be a lesson
to you, you mutts.
I don't suppose you
can identify any of them?
Well, yeah, sure, I think it was
the U.S. Olympic downhill team.
I told you, they were
wearing ski masks.
How about you? Can you
describe any of them?
Sort of, except
for their heads.
Um, there were two guys.
The big guy was, um...
big. And the smaller guy was--
Smaller?
You're a regular d*ck Tracy.
Well, I'm sorry, sir,
I was scared.
When people are chasing
you with g*ns,
you don't stop and ask them
how much they weigh.
Now, listen up and listen good.
Last night was a major disaster.
If you ever screw up like that again,
you're out. Do you hear me?
Out! And just so you don't forget,
I'm fining each of you 100 bucks.
Now get out of here.
Get out of here!
Why, you...
Dooley, Kane.
What'd he say?
Are you in trouble?
No, no, he let us off
with a fine and some
very bad breath.
We bust our asses for 4.60
an hour, and he treats us
like criminals!
I'm gonna complain to the union,
that's what I'm gonna do,
because it's not fair.
That man is a jerk!
And he's a subhuman, moronic...
poop-head.
He's my father.
Well, I'm sure he has
his good points.
Oh, sure he does.
He's salt of the earth.
Qualities
Armed and Dangerous (1986)
Moderator: Maskath3