Not again!
I'm not an art thief.
But one does a lot for his friends.
We did the first big job
in sixth grade.
This handsome kid is me.
Marcell Solymosi, the g*ng leader.
BIRDER'S CAMP
That's Alexa, the only chick
on the team.
-Is everything okay, Alexa?
-The coast is clear!
Wait, Guszti!
Because every plan needs a team.
-Everything is OK?
-I'm fine!
This is Vince. A capital buddy.
And here is Guszti.
A colossal quakebuttock.
The mosquitoes ate me alive!
That wannabe Apache, he's...
Jet!
Jet!
Shaggy Bison!
Ghastly Bison, focus,
the mission is on!
In art class, Vince painted a bird.
And I drew a dong on it.
A fairly good one, by the way.
But for this stint,
Vince may be kicked out.
But we'll make it up to him.
I screwed this up, so I wanted
to steal the picture back.
We prepared carefully.
-The weather seems perfect.
-Wind speed is km.
There's a crescent moon,
Luna Semiformis.
Punani penisorbit?
We were like the pros in the movies.
Let's synchronize our watches.
Marcell?
Like Paul Newman!
Move!
-Stop, stop!
-What are you doing?
-Just to make a memory.
-Doesn't that thing have a flash?
-Of course not.
-Come on!
Idiot!
On we go to the teachers' house.
Yeah, and then he is...
Adrián! Adrián!
-Paul Newman! Paul Newman!
-He'll wake up the whole camp!
Adrián... 'Paul Newman' is only
for emergencies, okay?
Ms. Juli did not see
the d*ck painting yet.
We had to steal it back
while she was not in the house.
We'd got the teachers' schedule.
The team was ready to roll,
with me and Vince leading the heist.
Little Jet was sent out
to do the scouting.
Before that we only studied the sex
life of Amobeas in biology class.
Ms. Juli!
Hey! Is that the principal?
I don't know!
I have only seen him clothed.
If they catch us, we're dead!
The principal won't leave
any witnesses alive.
We're lucky. There's the stuff!
Have you heard that?
Come back!
You're seeing things!
It was here that Alexa and I...
felt that tingling for the first time.
But maybe it was just the ants.
Shall we save poor Ms. Juli?
Total success.
We were out of trouble.
Oh my God!
The house will burn down!
Hurry up... do something!
There they run!
Vince!
Vince!
Marcell!
Stop!
I got you!
They took poor Vince
to the juvie right away.
For a long time it seemed like...
this would be our last heist.
BUDAPEST HEIST
Ottó, have you looked
at the design plans?
-The ones about Dragon Plaza.
-Yeah. They were okay.
But we still had to fix them.
Fix them?
Here... office from the front, office
from the side, yada-yada, ka-ching.
You've wrecked my plans completely.
Not freaking fair!
Ottó, where are my hanging gardens.
The geothermal heating?
Marcell, I have told you,
we don't need this eco-whatnot,
this sustainable thingamajig.
This isn't that game.
. We hired this prodigy... Swedish
scholarship winner Marcell Solymosi.
He was completely broke.
You ever heard of him?
In fact I have!
And he told me that he's fed up.
They fund your projects because
of my name!
Yet you buy a new car
every year, do you?
I know what your problem is.
Not the design plans.
You need a juicy little adventure, huh?
Mr. Li and the Dragon Plaza investors
are here. They are hungry.
Damn! I forgot about them!
Stop right there. You're coming
with us! This evening is important.
I promised Mr. Li to introduce you.
You are the ace!
You can't be serious! Today is my
birthday. I wanted to surprise myself.
Happy birthday!
Stop whining!
Where's that crazy guy?
And that old girl?
They are in a good place now.
Perhaps I should say something too...
about my eco-friendly technology.
Albino baby boa, wow!
I need to go to the bathroom.
Excuse me! I'll be back.
Guszti... Guszti?
-Nice of you to remember me still.
-What are you doing here?
Happy th!
Oh, sorry! I started it while still
at home, and continued in the taxi.
Come.
Alexa?
-Why? Who were you expecting?
-Not my ex-girlfriend for sure.
-Well... I see you did your hair.
-I wanted this blue-yellow color.
Yeah, your famous IKEA braids...
Wow, a calculator watch?
With two tones?
-What are you guys doing here?
-Vince invited us.
Howdy.
Hi.
Guys... we haven't met in ages.
How did you know I was here?
Your boss posts on Facebook
just about every second.
sh*t!
It's so good to be together
again like we used to!
Is that... Jet? Trying to screw
Frankenstein's sister?
Here we are. I just took the g*ng
to dance to Justin Bieber.
Who are these people?
Some traveling circus?
Sorry!
I wanted to chat with you
about the family concept.
Fancy some firewater,
my pale-dicked friends?
-Sorry?
-Sorry!
This friend... We was in the camp
together when we had small dicks.
-Gangsters, get it?
-Stop it, you idiot!
Sorry. It was just a joke.
Yeah... Vince found it funny
at the juvie, too.
Sorry!
-Call a medic! Doctor!
-What's this sh*t?
Doctor! Get out of the way!
Don't worry!
I'm a doctor.
Guszti... Guszti, what are you doing?
No problem! No problem!
Stay with us Mr. Lee!
-Are these clowns really your buddies?
-Uh-huh.
Yeah? If we fail the project,
I'll send you a horse head!
-A real one?
-We'll cook it, bro!
A real horsie coconut.
That's a good one.
Guys!
I was looking forward
to meet you again!
Enjoy your meal!
And have you already taken
account of your life?
I did my inventory last year.
How my body got worn out...
and my soul, too.
-I still have my soul, thanks!
-I didn't know yours looked like this!
Adrián, you managed
to arrive after all.
-It only just ended!
-"It only just ended..."
-Where do we vacation every year?
-Where, where?
At the Adriáaantic!
-Hello.
-Hey.
Long time no see...
-You haven't changed.
-You neither.
Holy sh*t!
Oh... it's a prop.
We're playing Hamlet now.
Two shows a day.
In retirement homes...
Half of the audience falls asleep.
They all wake up at the m*rder scene!
-We use real chicken blood.
-I love it!
-Have you brought it?
-Yeah.
Open it only when you get home!
Happy th!
-Cheers! Don't act so happy!
-Thanks!
You know this is a special night,
don't you?
When was the last time
we were together like this?
years ago, at the Swedish
awards ceremony.
You were the best of us!
The one who won the princess' hand.
And you let it go almost at once.
Marcell Solymosi, an outstanding
architect of his generation,
won the scholarship of the
Swedish Academy of Architecture.
I miss you being in the team!
Are you still mad at us?
We did not expect Jet to mistake
an anti-aircraft m*ssile for fireworks.
That guy in the suit b*rned
really well!
As if the Universe itself wanted us
to meet again on this very day.
No other universe-ity
would talk to us.
Happy birthday!
-Happy New Year!
-Happy birthday!
I've been preparing for this day
for a long time.
Wish for something,
but don't say it!
I wished we had
bought more vodka.
I wished to finally play
for a real audience.
For life or death.
Guszti?
But if I tell you, it won't come true?
All right, I really want to do surgery.
Not on animals,
but on humans for a change.
Don't dare to come near me!
I... want to save the Earth.
-And to finally kiss my frog.
-Wow, you are as deep as a well.
-Marcell?
-A new car?
A bigger watch?
And you? What do you want?
I wish my father would finally tell me
that one of my paintings is good.
Even if it sucks.
I have been planning something
for a long time.
There will be an auction. The "auction
of the year", two weeks from now.
My dad organizes it. They will auction
off a valuable Picasso, too.
The two-headed Madonna
with a baby bird.
And you know what? We're going
to smuggle in one of my paintings.
Once a snob d*ck wins the bid,
we expose the truth.
Wait! You mean we're going
to smuggle it "in".
In. Not out, but in.
The flashes go off,
and daddy's f*cked.
A reverse robbery, you see!
Every plan needs a team.
Jet, you could be the watchman.
Shaggy Bison is always alert.
Adrián, you could play one
of the fat cats.
Michael... the family!
No problem,
I practice for this every day.
Guszti! You're going to boldly
smuggle in the painting.
I'll hold my ground.
Alexa, you could help disarm
the guards.
Yeah, yeah,
I'm good with men.
FROGTIVIST
-And Marcell? Our g*ng leader?
-Oh, I don't think he would join.
Or he would leave us in the sh*t.
It has happened before.
Marcell!
You would be the head
of the team like in the old times.
You wouldn't want to lead,
would you?
But why? You surely know
what high life is about.
So, what do you guys say?
Are we doing this?
You should have outgrown
this kind of troublemaking.
Maybe none of us
would dare to sneak into the birders'
camp today, you wimps!
Maybe. Do you know why? Because
we're not sixth graders anymore.
Says Mr. Armani.
While taking inventory,
have you asked yourself why you
became such a waste of a painter?
You could have been so much more!
A Swedish Royal-decorated
architect, perhaps?
Or a poor bugger of an actor.
Or a chicken of a doctor, no offence.
A simple nut like Jet. Or a gum-chewing
never-to-grow-up Gen X girl.
Idiot!
Go then!
Oh, don't be so grumpy!
It's good to see you.
You were really missed!
-I mean, we all missed you.
-You did? It doesn't show.
-You weren't so chuffed in the past.
-What? What?
Such an inflated balloon,
such a bloated bladder, such a weee.
Hey, Giorgio!
Damn!
I can't believe this!
-You ruined my suit!
-"You ruined my suit!"
Come back! We're just fooling
around like we used to.
Come on!
Are we friends or not?
We may have shitty days,
but we still love you...
Vince!
Hi there, Marci!
Long time no see.
Not sure what would make you happy
now. But I wish you a hatful of that.
I hope you'll like what we collected
here for you.
Show me... come on!
-Show me!
-Let us see.
My God, this sucks!
Poor Vince!
-My sincere condolences, Mr. Benedek!
-Thank you!
Now you must think I'm a beast,
I know.
You're not a beast,
you're just beastly changed.
How do you mean?
Thank you.
In every way possible.
Sorry.
-Sincere condolences!
-Thank you, dear.
No one invited you!
Sincere condolences!
If he hadn't been hanging out with you,
we wouldn't be here now.
You cannot know that.
Says you, who left the g*ng
and buzzed off to Sweden.
The way I recall, you didn't give
a sh*t about Vince.
I did everything
for my son.
I kept sending him money for fifteen
years and he always sent it back.
He rather chose to go starve.
He mingled with predators,
and the ferrets ate him.
He was a terrible painter.
I got Vince's sketches today,
go figure,
I'll use them to light fire tomorrow.
Do you know what you are?
Phlegm, that must be spit out
or else you will choke one.
You are phlegm!
That's what you are.
Stinky...
rotten... dicks!
You're the rotten d*ck!
Erzsike, are these migrants?
Throw him out!
Back up, or I'll throw it out!
Come on!
-Catch them!
-Hey, Indian, stop!
Come back!
-Are you guys gone crazy?
-You should try it, too.
-Give it to me!
-No way!
-How about the plan?
-What plan?
Vince's plan, of course.
To steal his painting?
Not out, but in?
Makes no sense now,
especially that Vince is already...
Well, that's the least
we can do for him!
-He was planning this for months.
-But he was right about you...
-You are a wimp!
-You think nobody will look for this?
Would you return it to Benedek?
He disowned his own son!
Vince's story can't end here.
He belongs with us. Here under my arm.
-Please, don't be so childish!
-Okay, daddy!
Easy for you to jab! But I was beside
Vince through high school
and when the daddy
money ran short,
we had to learn to forge paintings
so we wouldn't starve to death!
Don't tell me what
it's like to be poor!
Stop! Enough!
Let's do the job!
Better hurry, because tomorrow
it's curtains for the paintings.
How would you know,
Ms. Froggy?
-From Vince's father. He'll burn them.
-We must do it tonight.
Seriously, I can't believe it!
Where are you going, fighter?
Abandoning your home country?
None of us would dare to sneak into
the birder's camp today, you wimps.
You would be at the head
of the team like you used to.
Marcell, I should take
my hands off you.
You humiliated me in front
of the Chinese.
But listen! Uncle Ottó loves you.
We have won the Russian sewage plant.
This will be the masterwork
of your life. You hear me?
It's ugly, but if we pull this off,
we can retire!
This is Irina, an environmental
engineer. And Olga, the static expert.
Come over. We'll go through
everything with them.
SIX DAYS TO THE AUCTION
There's no one at home.
No car either.
-Could the entrance be alarmed?
-I knew it... Let's go home!
Shaggy Bison does not abandon
the battle path.
What's up? Couldn't sleep?
I came to help. Just this once.
-Come on!
-Wait! Here. Take it!
-What is this?
-What do you think? A baby monitor.
But why?
They only had these in the store.
No walkie-talkies.
Waah, Waah, baby wants titty!
Baby wants to suck!
Dear God!
-Oh, rats, it's alarmed!
-Yeah, it's a German Farzklopfer.
A farthopper?
Wait! We must think this through
in a calm, grown-up way. Okay?
Oh yeah, now Big White Master
tell Redskin Warrior what to do?
Alexa, that's it!
Push it a little further!
You're crazy!
SYSTEM ARMED
Be glad it didn't go off!
I threw it calmly, I swear!
Let's not fall apart, diapered Buffalo!
You'll stay outside and keep watch!
In your dreams!
Then Guszti will!
What? I keep watch?
Here in the dark?
Okay, great.
Let's then be six-graders.
Adrián, you go upstairs!
Guszti, you search the living room,
and we go down to the basement. Move!
Hey Vince, what do you say?
Shaggy Bison is no longer
allowed to take scalps.
Vince!
Guszti!
Stop fretting!
Let's swap roles!
Listen! If anyone shows up,
it's a Paul Newman!
If you have no other choice,
abandon us!
I will!
Hi there!
Where would I be
if I were Vince's painting?
sh*t!
Stay there, okay?
I won't hurt you. Good doggy.
Jet! Jet!
You are the best!
You're the best!
You are the strongest!
You're the most muscular!
You've got the biggest heart!
You've got the biggest cock!
You...
Oh God!
Guys!
Just in time.
Marcell and Alexa.
Jet!
Paul Newman!
Paul Newman!
Oh f*ck!
Come!
You're the most muscular!
You are the strongest!
Come on!
I told you it was a Paul Newman!
But you were just drinking!
Give it to me!
This is it!
-So, where now?
-You guys can sleep at my place.
I certainly won't!
-Guszti, don't be such a chicken!
-How the heck not?
A pit bull almost ripped off my balls.
Okay, enough!
-That was it for me.
-Guszti, don't!
Next time, we should stick
to the plan.
-Next time, we should have a plan.
-For example.
Guszti! There's a bus stop two hundred
meters down.
-The nighttime bus is running.
-I don't give a sh*t!
-What was the plan, Sir Captain?
-Sir Captain?
Oh, yeah! Jet, do this, do that!
Let's calmly think it through...
-And you solved it intelligently, huh?
-Yes, I did.
Had I not smashed the window
with a stone d*ck,
we'd still be jerking off
on the doorstep.
Is that right, Vince?
Asswipe!
Vince was very talented.
-Or so he thought.
-Here it is.
The auction will be held at this hotel.
Hotel Emporio Caracalla.
-Cara... what?
-Caracalla.
I'll download the blueprints
from the company server.
Thanks.
It won't be easy to get into
the hotel unnoticed.
Don't!
Anything but this!
Thanks, thanks.
Do you want to hear it?
Perhaps it knows the answer.
It says...
...just do it!
-Are you going to drink that?
-Yeah!
We need someone who knows how these
auctions work. Someone professional.
I have an idea!
With the troupe,
sometimes we go to the prison.
So will we...
There's an inmate there,
a tough old-timer.
You guys remember the robbery of
the Fine Arts Museum in the eighties?
It was him!
-And how do we get into the prison?
-As visitors.
Ottó! What do you want here
this early?
We signed the contract
with the Chinese.
It bugs me that I don't get what's going
on. Where the heck have you been?
Well, I'm sick...
It's a rare form of disgust.
You should be fired. But I'll give you
one last tiny-miny chance.
There's an animal! Don't hit it!
Guszti?
Guszti? It's Guszti!
His body is as cold as ice!
-Don't leave us, Trembling Hands!
-This is as far as he got last night.
Let's get him into the car!
-I'll drive!
-Sure, us crazy, perhaps.
-That's it, buddy, good job.
-Well? Anybody else got cold feet?
Give him some more booze!
-What?
-Seat belt?
Let him drive.
Told you I should drive, genius!
Onward we go!
DAYS TO THE AUCTION
-What have we brought?
-Whatever the jailbird asked for.
Gedeon.
Gedeon?
We are his lawyers.
The package?
Some baking powder
and cake coating.
He likes to bake.
Hello Miss.
No one mentioned that
we're going to Alcatraz.
I told you he was
a toughie!
The package?
Eleven packs of Kabul sweetener.
-Adrián told me you needed advice.
-We're preparing for a job.
You?
I was already doing "jobs" when you
babies were still drinking cocoa.
Cocoa?
In kindergarten.
You were slurping the foamy gunk.
Me? I was hacking Taiwanese N s
through Russian PSTNs.
-Did what?
-You should drop kilos, butterball!
If you were put under my care, I'd feed
you on egg whites for three months.
You'd grow a tail like a lizard.
-Do you even have a triceps? See?
-Everyone has it...
-Not you. Well, thanks for everything!
-And the agreement?
You get the package,
you give advice.
First, you need a team with balls.
You've already failed at that.
Second, do you know the place
you want to get into?
Sure. We've downloaded
the blueprints.
Good God, you party boy, you! I bet you
haven't worked a day in your life.
Have you ever shoveled hot uranium
out of a wagon?
Have you ever cleaned a toilet
with your own hair?
Have you ever fought drunken nuns?
Because I have!
-That's enough!
-Relax!
Emporio Caracalla.
That hotel in Budapest.
That's where the heist will take place.
You need more
than these soft cookies,
who would get lost in their own
pockets without a map.
Putty!
You have not seen putty since
kindergarten, huh, Roly-Poly?
Except that didn't blow
open the hive door.
Well, there will be
a zeeky boogy doog for sure!
This has nothing to do with the
Picasso auction on Wednesday, right?
I thought so.
There's a vault on the th floor,
the paintings are kept in there.
It can be accessed
with an X code.
What a crackpot this guy was, man.
Is that the Kabul sweetener?
It's not, is it?
Come on!
The trunk is open.
All right, I heard that too. Go down
there already! The trunk is open.
If my car had talked back,
I'd so have punched it!
sh*t!
I don't believe this!
-I don't know what you're so upset.
-Marcell! God, you're such whiners!
We committed a t*rror1st att*ck.
-We're criminals wanted by the police!
-Vince would have liked the fellow.
Hey!
Relax! It wasn't us
who blew up the prison.
I wouldn't be surprised if a warrant
was issued against us.
You're pretty negative lately.
An expl*si*n took place in the
capital's prison this morning.
Authorities suspect a t*rror1st att*ck.
No one was injured in the expl*si*n.
The man shown in the photo,
presumably of Middle Eastern origin,
is the leader of the perpetrators.
There you go. This is what I said.
That's it, it's over.
I'm a dead man.
Or worse.
I can't believe it. How could I be so
stupid? Why did I go into this?
-Why?
-Come here. Face me. Come!
-I can't breathe.
-Listen to me!
Take my hand!
Keep breathing! Take a breath.
Now! A deep breath.
-Is that better?
-Yes.
-Come, come.
-I'm coming, I'm coming.
Ms. Froggy,
where can I draw a number?
-Why did we go to that prison?
-Relax. Relax! Wait!
We have learned that we can get
to the paintings on the th floor
via a security door and an X code.
What is an X code?
Vince? What do you think?
I smell almonds.
Cyanide gas!
Do we have gas masks?
No. Not that one, Guszti!
I received that with the Swedish award.
From the King of Sweden.
A cookie, anyone?
Gedeon?
The trunk is open.
The trunk is open.
Thanks, daddy!
-You didn't come to swap recipes.
-You may call me by my first name.
I'll join the team.
We steal the Picasso together.
-Thanks, but no thanks.
-I didn't ask. I told you.
-Me too.
-You'll be sorry, I promise you.
All right, get out of here!
This is madness.
-You have no backbone, party boy!
-I'm not a party boy!
You're not? Even your toilet paper
is made of Persian rugs.
So! If your intentions are serious,
Uncle Gedeon is the solution.
What's this?
Carpathian Basin during monsoon?
How about you there?
You carry your balls around the neck?
You have to harden from willies
to clubs, no question about it.
-Enough! I'm calling the police.
-Are you nuts?
-What do you think you're doing, huh?
-Give it to me!
-Jet walks in and out of the prison.
-Yeah, I went there today.
Guszti is wanted by the police,
and we just helped Gedeon break out.
Give me the phone, Alexa!
Care to make another peep?
I can't believe this.
You cause only trouble and chaos.
How the heck do you delete this?
Hello, Marci! Long time no see.
Not sure what would make you happy
now. But I wish you a hatful of that.
Are we friends or not?
Viiince!
Hello!
-"Oh, hello, hi, can I come in?"
-"Of course, come in."
-"You were listening at the door!"
-"No, I'm not that kind of a girl."
There is medicine for this,
you know.
No sniffing!
Are these your cars?
No. These are my former cars.
And these?
Are they your ex-chicks?
No, that's grandma, and my auntie.
What now?
Alexa!
And them?
Are they your ex-friends?
Give that back!
Give it to me!
-Seriously, you come up to my room...
-Here you go!
No! Alexa! Don't!
No no no!
I can't believe this! My God!
Seriously!
Hi, Marcell! I am your mother.
There is a button to delete things.
Marcell, hi!
Hello!
Okay! We can go.
You let me down.
What are you doing here?
Ten years have passed.
We're going to come clean now.
-I'm sleeping.
-No problem.
-I'll wait until you wake up.
-I snore terribly.
I fall asleep to Metallica.
Did you wake up, Lil' Buddy?
Relax! Nothing happened.
We fell asleep.
For you... is everything
in your life such pink,
funny, sweet
cotton-candy nonsense?
Just about, Mr. Armani.
All right.
I'm tired of this.
Really, I'm tired.
Vince was right. He said
you might let us down again.
Of course. Vince...
Vince...
This makes me crazy.
Vince knew everything.
Vince said this,
Vince predicted that,
Vince could walk on water!
But...
Water...
Water?
THESIS
This is it!
Did you bump the uglies?
-What did you find?
-Look! This is my dissertation.
Here's the ruins of an old bath.
It was built by the Ottomans,
but it b*rned down.
Hotel Emporio Caracalla
was built over it,
but no one cared about
that old pool.
-It was left untouched.
-So, this bath is under the hotel?
That's right.
It's connected to the hotel
via an air shaft.
See? The shaft starts at the bath
and goes all the way up to the roof.
So, if we get from the old bath
to the th floor,
all we need is the X code to get
into the vault.
This may actually work.
And here's Uncle Gedeon
to obtain the X code.
We go in and steal the Picasso.
What?
You guys did bump the nasties.
All my respects, son.
You really made your fortune.
Why didn't Vince learn
this from you?
Casa Milano dining counter,
Hoshino sofa and...
a fancy TV cabinet,
a model?
That's a unique piece,
a single one of it has been made.
What do you want?
Someone visited me a few days ago,
wrecked my back patio,
turned my pit bull into an otter,
and tried to set the house on fire.
The security camera recorded
everything. Are you interested?
No need, I know who it was.
Santa Claus and his elves.
Vince's canvases crackled nicely
in the fireplace.
That's all that is left of them.
I burnt all his paintings.
As far as I'm concerned,
he wasn't in a correctional facility.
He never dropped out of university.
No one should see his
splat-jobs either.
I did everything I could for my son.
I didn't want to lose him.
Return his ashes
and I'll forgive your trespasses.
You wish!
You won't find it anyway.
Are you sure, Indian?
Son! One must know
when one is about to lose.
Go back to your design office.
It's not too late.
That's a nice piece.
Oh no, that's from the Swedish king.
The award.
It would be a pity to destroy it.
Screw you.
I want to see his face when they start
bidding on Vince's painting.
-They just took Vince.
-Relax, relax.
Vince is still here with us.
And the urn?
I used that as an ashtray.
You're cunning, Smoking Mouth.
The w*r was declared,
the w*r may begin.
Are we going for the Picasso?
This is the Emporio Caracalla...
Five stars.
No! Six!
There will be a VIP party
before the auction.
It's organized by Benedek,
Vince's father.
-The bastard b*rned all the paintings.
-Except for one!
And the artwork: The two-headed
Madonna with a baby bird.
The th floor is restricted. Only
the security staff has access to it.
Like this well-dressed h*m* Bacillus.
Csatáry is the boss here.
How do I know?
From National Geographic TV.
In prison you get so bored
that you watch everything on TV.
Even the rerun of reruns.
Now watch closely, pumpkins.
"Our institution considers it an
important task to..."
The Adolf h*tler of security doors.
It only opens with the X code
on Csatáry's phone.
All the paintings are kept
behind this door.
-Excuse me...
-No refills!
Vince will be above my heart
for the whole time.
Don't worry, dude,
we "heist" together.
Jet and Guszti, you will use
Gedeon's fake invitation
to get into the VIP
party and mingle.
He'll be the guest of honor:
Leonid Markevic Dubrovski.
Leó.
A Russian millionaire... in Euros.
A modern connoisseur.
His favorite genre is nudist cubism.
Adrián!
This is the most important role
of your life. Don't screw up.
The Russian is the jack in the game...
and the queen, too.
You'll have to make him bid first
on Vince's picture.
Without him, we'd fail the stunt.
Adrián!
You were the geek at school.
-How is your Russian?
-"Hamlet! Come hither!"
Guszti, you step in front of Csatáry
and distract him.
-But how?
-You spill wine over him.
-Jesus, why me?
-Or just puke on him.
Just as good!
-Jet, you'll snag Csatáry's phone.
-Did this sometimes on the tram.
The special phone opens
the h*tler door.
You bring it to me,
and I'll make a clone.
With the cloned phone, I swim
through the underwater tunnel.
-I'll go with you.
-No, you won't.
You almost drowned
in a creek on a class trip.
Can we move on?
So I swim into the...
-We swim!
-Okay, we'll end up in...
In the old thermal bath
the hotel was built on.
Once in the air shaft, we climb up
to the restricted seventh floor.
Which is a drywall according
to the blueprints.
-How much time do we have for that?
- minutes.
While Benedek holds the reception
party for the VIP press.
During this time,
all eyes will be on the Picasso.
-And we smuggle in the painting.
-Vince's last remaining masterpiece.
Among the works of art
to be auctioned.
The flashes go off,
and daddy's f*cked.
Voilà!
VIP PARTY,
TWO DAYS TO THE AUCTION
It's amazing how many people
can be lured in with a Picasso.
-You are not Russian.
-Indeed, I'm not.
Adrián.
Adrian...
Brody.
Adrien Brody. Adrián Bródi.
-Your name sounds familiar to me.
-My mother is Hungarian.
Sorry!
Leonid Markevic Dubrovski
from St. Petersburg.
-Did you study here?
-At the Technical Uni. And you?
Guszti, Jet, get going!
But don't do anything stupid.
You could give me a tip...
-Which paintings are worth bidding on?
-That's a secret.
Thank you very much!
Here you go... now bugger off!
This is the Indian.
Throw him out, discreetly!
What?
You call this discreet?
The boss doesn't want a scandal.
Paul Newman...
It's a Paul Newman, you guys!
Jet was kicked out.
How can we get the phone now?
Do it with Guszti.
No excuses!
I heartily welcome the members
of the press present...
The reception began. We have
minutes. I can distract Csatáry.
Do we know each other?
Please allow me to introduce
to you one of the most...
Paul Newman...
Csatáry won't let me go.
We have minutes left.
Adrián, Guszti,
we're almost at the nest.
Is the phone cloned already?
Shaggy Bison is back.
The egg has arrived.
I repeat, the egg has arrived.
-Jet!
-I'm here! Throw it!
No way!
What are you mooching about?
Is the egg gone bad?
Hurry, buddy, time is running out.
Let's get down to cloning!
He's on my trail!
I have an idea.
There is a very special person
that I have just met today.
And I feel that we vibrate on
the very same wave length.
Take him off from there!
Didn't you hear?
Wait! No commotion!
This is the Russian!
What kind of junk is this phone...
is it from the Old West?
This will be brutal. But no problem!
It withstands kP pressure.
We'll go down meters.
All right then, let's roll!
Just take a deep breath and...
Come on,
we have minutes left.
Alexa!
Jet... are you there, you assh*le?
I'm bringing back the phone!
Sorry!
Marcell!
No, no!
I don't like this,
take the painting upstairs.
Don't you dare to die.
Are you okay?
Alexa?
I could barely pull you out.
Are you getting down to it in the bath?
We have only minutes left!
The air shaft!
This seemed like a good idea.
My God, the painting is being
taken upstairs!
You will be caught... Hide!
That's not going to work.
Then Shaggy Bison will stop them!
It's getting really q*eer in here!
That's not all.
The Picasso is going upstairs!
Jet, please don't create chaos.
-Hey, painting-boys, wait up!
-Indian!
-Hey, could we discuss this?
-What?
Just so...
Let me take care of him.
Come on!
Oh, it's like in "Abduction
from the Seraglio"!
This is so nice.
Just the two of us... all alone.
Today, a new universe opens up.
I'm alive again.
-We are alive.
-Hopefully for long.
Go to the vault.
I'll hold them up.
Ma'am! Put that down!
Do you think I'm afraid to do it?
-No, no, that is...
-That is invaluable!
I don't give a sh*t. Frogs can die out?
But a Picasso is important!
Now or never!
Without this, you won't reach
the th floor, Shaking Hands.
My card.
Come with me.
The muskrat-tailed crab
and the whale caviar are served.
I still have to take care
of something.
-You can take care of it in my boudoir.
-It's just a... family affair.
Will I see you again?
Darling.
Now you will die, Sitting Bull!
After you, pale face!
Come on.
Which weighs more?
A criminal record
or the Swedish Architect Award?
You wanted to steal the Picasso,
did you?
I thought you were smarter.
How could you have pulled this off
in front of people?
No!
Benedek! Don't hurt them!
No!
We didn't want to steal anything.
No!
No, Marcell!
Here it is.
This is what we wanted to smuggle in!
Vince's painting.
That was his last wish.
No! Marcell!
It's okay that you hate me
and want to take revenge.
But why this way?
No!
You'll never grow up.
Listen!
You're not one of them.
They are losers.
Not our kind.
-Please don't!
-What are you doing? Don't!
Marcell!
I wanted my son to be happy.
I wanted him to finish university.
I wanted to be proud of him.
I wanted him to become
someone successful.
Like you.
Go, and live your life.
But not like them.
Live... the way we do.
Rough them up.
Why did you give him the painting, huh?
Now it's all over.
He's right. You gave it all up
at the first obstacle.
-Would you have gone to jail instead?
-We did nothing! A corridor got soaked.
You have a criminal record, idiot.
And Guszti is a t*rror1st!
It's not confirmed yet,
but they are working on it.
I could do one week in jail,
but you threw everything away!
Okay! You know what?
You're right. Come and hit me!
-Hit him!
-Hey, hey, hey.
Come on, Vince!
Let's leave these losers alone.
I'm not wasting my fist on you.
At least we tried.
-Bye.
-Guszti!
-Alexa, I did it only because of you...
-Blah-blah.
Please listen!
Alexa!
Please, please don't....
Alexa, don't!
Alexa!
It all seemed to be over.
The team fell apart,
the painting was destroyed,
that jailbird Gedeon took offence and
moved into my kitchen to bake pies.
Hi, this is Alexa.
Please leave a message.
"You would be at the head
of the team like you used to."
"Let's synchronize our watches.
Marcell?"
"Marcell Solymosi won the scholarship
of the Swedish Academy of Architecture"
"We need to talk. Where? Ottó"
Marcell.
-Is that you?
-Uncle Bandi.
-Haven't seen you in ages!
-Greetings!
Have you moved?
Well, something like that.
Do you like curd pies?
Here you go.
All the curd pies.
-There was no such thing at the juvie.
-I don't even want mine.
How's that Vince kid doing?
I hope he's not locked away again.
-Do you still meet?
-Yes. Yes!
A lot.
Especially lately.
Marcell!
Yes?
I'll have a rosé with soda water.
-A spritzer!
-I get it, a spritzer.
Listen to me!
I'm glad you smartened up.
I understand you.
Once I got so fed up that I spent
three months in Thailand
looking for the meaning of life.
My balls turned blue
by the end!
Here you go, your rosé
with soda, spritzer!
And this is for you.
I screwed up.
Everything, absolutely everything.
Stop putting yourself down!
Father Ottó forgave you.
I want to make
everything right.
The sewage plant and the Dragon Plaza
are waiting for you.
We adore you, we love you
and we need the cash.
Welcome back, you pathetic creature!
Mona Lisa!
-Of course, Mona Lisa!
-What is it?
Yes!
BIRDER'S CAMP
Hi!
-You ruined my photo!
-I knew you were going to come here.
-What's that?
-This? Well, this is Lisa.
Not the Fox Fairy,
but the Mona.
I see.
Alexa.
Listen to me! Do you want me
to die here in the wilderness?
Why don't you go back
to the office?
I realized that we have another chance.
Look... this thing here.
And I know how to do it.
Please...
For Vince's sake! Without you
the others won't come back either.
Where are you going, fighter?
Abandoning your home country?
Every plan needs a team,
little soldier.
Have you prayed tonight,
Desdemona?
Too late,
late, late.
I tried to pull him out,
but I don't know the procedure...
Are you okay?
Come on, Vince!
This is godawful!
But it's yours.
One day it will be worth a lot.
-Jet!
-Yes.
You and Vince forged paintings,
did you?
We had to make a living while you were
bashing the bishop in the Bahamas!
And the canvases?
Well, he took an old picture and
painted over it. We saved money.
Incredible!
Ladies and gentlemen,
an unadulterated, original Vince.
-When does the auction start?
-In one and a half hours.
I don't understand. What has this got
to do with stealing the Picasso?
Guys, get ready!
The Great Spirit will help!
Adrián, get the costumes.
No problem.
All right, everyone,
get prepared in your own way.
The trunk is open.
THE DAY OF THE AUCTION
We've lost a member
of our old team.
Breaking news. The police have
arrested the prison bomber.
The perpetrator is a Finnish anarchist
car mechanic, Ahmed Jokkolainen.
At the same time, it transpired that...
Guszti,
you sure you wanna stay?
It's gonna be rough...
Rough?
Do you know what's rough?
When Siamese calves are born
from a bull.
When dada spiders lay
their evil eggs under your nails.
That's rough.
This is not.
I trained him.
Look, that's a geothermal vent.
The west wing is being remodeled
with a geothermal heating system.
Remember? The hotel
is sitting on a thermal spring.
Adrián and I will climb down
the heat vent from the roof.
I'm sure it's not operational yet.
Such permits take years to acquire.
But why him?
He was always exempted from PE.
That's why I'm going
with him, smarty pants.
Leonid is the key.
And Adrián's the lock?
We have a good plan.
We just have to stick to it.
We'll use these to keep in touch.
See you soon.
We should have gone with them.
It's a crescent moon.
-Luna Semiformis.
-Punani penisorbit?
You said the heating
wasn't working yet!
They must have greased some
palms to get a permit faster.
Oh, my God.
Well, we survived after all.
Volodya!
Is that you?
Adrián.
Impossible.
You can see us when we swim
across the sea,
hang our feet from clouds;
that's what we are,
the wanderers of freedom...
Yes, that's what we are.
-Who is this?
-I'll explain.
-Are you two together?
-No.
Yes. Not that way.
He's one of my best friends.
Adrián!
I thought we understood each other.
Do you need more time?
No. I need help.
Leo, I play with my balls...
in a different league.
No, not balls! A single ball.
-Gosh... I'm not gay.
-Nobody's perfect.
These are my friends.
I must help them.
Leo speaking. Like I said,
you don't ask questions.
You just let my Arab customer
in with his family.
-Thank you very much, my friend.
-Your friends need you.
By the time I open my eyes,
I want you to be gone.
Here's the painting.
Adrián's troupé must have played
the Nights times in this.
Ghastly Bison, focus,
the mission is on!
Here is the plan...
Alexa, you dress up as a hostess.
Your need to escort the guests
downstairs ahead of time.
Why are the guests coming down?
Our goal is to gather a crowd
in front of the auction hall.
Guszti and I will disguise ourselves
as Arab women.
Guszti, you're going to get the bids
going. Just don't chicken out.
Guszti...
Guszti...
Guszti!
At the right moment I sneak into the
auction hall and swap the paintings.
Gedeon, your part is to hack the
electricity. It's child's play for you.
Wow, this is serious.
We arrange for the Picasso to arrive by
the time the guests clog the entrance.
Why are they taking the painting
downstairs? We still have half an hour.
When the crowd grows thick enough...
The carriers, please!
...and the cart gets stuck,
it's time for us to act.
Mr. Benedek?
Mr. Benedek?
Take the Picasso back.
Who told you to bring it downstairs?
-You ordered it.
-I did not say anything like that.
How come you weren't told?
The auction has been brought forward!
Take the paintings down immediately!
And now, Jet, a very fitting job
for you: create chaos!
Here comes the Picasso!
Then you distract the guards,
so I can sneak into the auction hall.
Look after Vince, woman,
while your warrior is on the warpath!
Jet! What are you doing?
That's not what we discussed!
Take him down from there!
Marcell, Marcell!
I'll help you down!
No, Benedek! Stop it.
Catch him!
The others don't matter!
Marcell! What are you doing here?
And what's this outfit?
Ignore me, Ottó!
No way. Come back, or we're
beansprout in the noodle soup!
Mr. Lee, great to see you again
but I have to escape,
otherwise I'm a dead man.
-You'll be dead if you leave now!
-Yes? Well, then I resign!
That's enough! Open the doors,
get everyone inside.
years ago, there were only
two wires. One blue, one red.
Vince, don't let us down.
It's your turn!
-Now, Paul Newman.
-Calm down, Robert Redford!
Calm down, people!
Everyone, please go inside.
Watch out!
It's over.
Don't you leave!
Hey!
No "hey"! Lock them up.
The girl, too.
Assholes!
Lights!
Please welcome Mr. Benedek Buday!
Ladies and gentleman,
apologies for the delay.
Le me open this auction.
Come.
Alexa, it was such an idea!
I start the bidding here.
I'm starting the bidding
from Euros.
-We're a little late.
-You guys slap the uglies yet?
-Where's Guszti?
-Looks like he was accepted.
Here we go!
This is it.
What is this?
Here we go.
Vince Buday: Bee-eater in the Night.
Watch this. The flashes go off,
and daddy's f*cked.
Euros anyone?
What are these bastards laughing at?
They should start bidding.
Guszti.
Adrián. Bid.
Anyone?
If there are no bidders,
we will skip to the next one.
, Euros.
, Euros?
-First, second...
- , Euros.
Okay, honey?
Thank you!
, Euros.
, Euros.
Sorry sir, you can't bid upon
your own bid.
, Euros, first, second...
, Euros
So, anyone?
, .
- , !
- , .
That's huge!
, Euros!
First, second...
, Euros.
, Euros.
, ?
, Euros!
First...
-Now what?
-Leonid! Paul Newman.
Second...
Guszti?
The painting goes to the gentleman
for , Euros.
-What do you say?
-Vince was a horrible painter.
I did everything so he doesn't
end up the way he did.
You'd have done everything if you
had helped him become a painter.
No matter how bad or good.
Now he would be hugging us happily...
maybe even you!
-Who is this painter?
-Do you think this is art?
Is it really your son's work?
One needs to know whether
he's winning or losing.
I don't know where
I'm standing now.
By the way, is this conceptually
naive... or trash-art?
It doesn't matter.
My son painted it.
Well... this was our big heist.
We never saw
that jailbird Gedeon again.
And Vince's father knew
that he blew , Euros.
The team had only one
more thing left to do.
We say farewell to Vince
with his favorite song.
Sometimes...
be a fool,
just a bit
dark problems will leave you,
and the clouds will split.
There's some charm in it
when the liver laughs,
and the mood soars like a duck.
Be cheerful and cool like a kid.
Blow your horn or trumpet,
play something!
If you are in trouble,
never be sulky,
don't pay attention
to any old smarty.
Trust me,
it is not you who is the fool,
but anyone who calls you a clown.
Screw it, Vince!
What's going on?
We can't find the Picasso!
I knew you did it!
Budapest Heist
Moderator: Maskath3