07x15 - In On The Act

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss

♪ When my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss

♪ Stay in my memory? ♪

MUSIC: 'Guitar Tango' by The Shadows

Hey.

Oh! Sorry!

Was I boring you?

I can't believe I'm so tired after two weeks of doing nothing!

Back to work tomorrow.

I'm actually quite looking forward to it.

Oh, look, Nick, there's a fair!

MUSIC: 'You're Welcome To My Heart' by The Swinging Blue Jeans

Oh, we haven't missed it, have we?

No, it's here for another week.

There's Tracey Knight.

She went off the rails when her mum died.

She was never on them. I caught her nicking sweets when she was ten.

JUDGE: I am now pleased to present the trophy for Best In Show.

It goes to a magnificent pink

-eyed white,

bred by Mr... Trevor Lammas.

It's a credit to the Fancy.

Take a look, if you get the chance.

Credit to the Fancy? It's a credit to his ability to nick things

when a man's answering a call of nature.

You're sure it's yours?

He whipped it after Brighouse, didn't he,

after I got Best Of Breed.

Shoved one of his shoddy specimens in its place.

You should let the judges know.

If he's happy to win by cheating, that's his lookout.

Whip it back.

Eh?

Go on, there's no one looking.

Oh, no, I'm not going to sink to his level.

Do as you would be done by, that's my motto.

Go on. Ask him now.

In a minute. When he's had a drink.



- You're not scared of him, are you?

- Course not!

Go on, then!



- What?

- Nothing.

Dirk and I have had an idea.

You're going to love it.

Well?

We thought that it might be a good idea if...

Well... To have a girl in the show.

Let me guess. You're the girl.

It'd be great! A bit of glamour to pull in the audience.

I've even got a name. The Angel Of Death.



- Forget it.

- Think about it. What a gimmick!

We don't need gimmicks. The show was packed this afternoon.

Numbers have been dropping off, and you know it!

What we do has taken years to perfect.

You can't just get in on the act like that.

Very clever! I've warned you enough times.



- Here she goes.

- She's underage, you know!

Look, we're sorry. We didn't know.

And not just for drinking!

Why've you got it in for me?

I haven't! I just don't want to lose my licence.

Katie helped make the cake. Didn't you?

Yes.

Oh, it looks lovely!

Anyway, all we know is that he's been invalided out.

Poor Sergeant Blaketon! It seems a bit harsh.

Not if he's had a heart attack.

He should get a decent pension. Has he got any plans?

Not that I know of.

But I have, Nick.

I've made my decision.

TREVOR: A pint of best, love, and whatever you're drinking.

Is it my birthday, or am I dreaming?

I'm going to show you something

that's as close to perfection as you're ever likely to see.

Ugh! It's horrible!

Look at its little red eyes.

Pink. It's a pink

-eyed white.

A genetically perfect pink

-eyed white.

Put it away.

They're beautiful little animals!

Quite harmless. Clean.

Aw, I suppose it is quite cute.

Go on, have a hold.

Ooh, it's the scrabbly little feet I can't stand.

Hold it gently but firmly. Halfway down its tail.

Don't be rough. Then cup it in your left hand.

Look at that conformation.

Tail straight, eyes bright, ears erect...

What's its name?

Ugh! Ugh!

Take it off me!

Take it off me! Ugh!



- Get it, somebody!

- GINA: Get it, quick!



- MAN: Catch it!

- Alfred!

GINA: Quick, get it!

MOUSE SQUEAKS

I just hope you don't feel pushed out, Eileen.

Oh, you don't want me fussing around now that you're married.

Anyway, I'll be off to France soon.

Is this all you're taking?

Well, for the moment.

You don't mind if I leave the rest of my stuff here, do you?

Well, no, of course.

Are you sure about this, Eileen?

Absolutely. Look, I'm only moving down the road!

I'll be here in the morning to look after Katie.

MAGGIE: All set?

Let's go! They're starting to look wounded.

It just seems a bit rushed!

I'm sure you'll manage.

Besides, I've got used to having a lodger round the house.

See you in the morning.

I had every chance of going for the Mendel Cup with him.

He were a potential champion!

Was he? Well, as far as Alfred was concerned,

he were a potential breakfast.

I want compensation.

You got more chance of knitting fog.

Cos you shouldn't have brought the flaming thing in the pub.

And second place, you certainly shouldn't have opened the cage up

in the pub! In the first place.

You'll get a letter from my solicitor.

Thank you. I'll use it to light the fire.

It's not funny, Greengrass!

No, no, you're right, it's not.

It's hysterical!

I'd never have wished that mouse any harm.

It were a champion in't making.

But that was divine retribution!

BERNIE: I shall buy you a drink, Claude.

You feeling all right?

Buy any man a drink who'd get the better of Trevor Lammas.

Well, Alfred did the damage.

You better get him a packet of crisps.

Did Alfred really get him, Claude?

I don't know. More than likely gone up one of the holes in the skirting.

Probably got a wife and kids by now.

Oh, I feel terrible. These are all thank

-you letters for the wedding

and I haven't even posted ours.

What is it, Nick?

From the Chief Constable.

They've made me Acting Sergeant at Ashfordly.

Oh, Nick!

Well done!

Well, aren't you pleased?

Well, I don't know. I suppose they had to make a quick decision

cos of what happened to poor old Blaketon.

Right, come on, son.

Alfred?

ALFRED WHINES

What are you doing down there, son?

ALFRED WHINES

What's the matter, son?

Hey, what's the matter?

Eh? What's the matter?

ALFRED WHINES

You were out late last night.

Don't you start!

I heard you and Dad arguing.

Is there some rule about us not having fun anymore?

Are we supposed to be miserable the rest of our lives?

You know it upsets him!

I can't help it if I've got over it and he hasn't.



- Tracey!

- It's true!

And you shouldn't let him rule your life, either.

Running round after him.

BELINDA: He's my dad.

Yeah, well, he should remember he's not the centre of the universe.

We've all got our lives to get on with.

Morning, Dad. Toast?

Or would you like a boiled egg?

Any tea in the pot, Belinda, love?

You see? Even when I try to be nice to him, he ignores me.

TRACEY: What's the point?

Ah, Rowan.

Hello, Sarge.

Sorry to hear about, er...

Yeah, well, probably for the best.

There are some warnings you can't ignore.

Anyway, I hear congratulations are in order.

So you know?

They would have been foolish not to take my advice.

I've got you to thank, then?

You've got yourself to thank, Nick.

So what are you doing here this time of morning?

Well, I presume I'm going to sell you some stamps.

You bought the place?

Just something I had up my sleeve.

Where is that lost property book?

I don't know. Have a look in that cupboard.

Morning!

Oh, hello, Nick! Just the man. How was your honeymoon?

Oh, it was great!

Oh, good. Give us a hand, will you?

What's going on?

Well, the new sergeant's coming this morning. The place is a pigsty.

It's not my fault!

Blame him. He's been here two weeks and hasn't washed a cup.

Mike Bradley.

Sorry. No time for social niceties.

Stuff that lot on his desk and hopefully he won't notice

it's two weeks behind.

- I think he's guessed that.

What? Eh?

Oh, stone me!

Sergeant Rowan!

Is he gonna be all right?

It's difficult to day until we've done some tests.

Do you want me to wait outside?

It might be better if you went away, came back this afternoon.

I think, I think I'd rather...

We'll do our best for Alfred, Mr Greengrass.

Thank you very much.

FAIRGROUND MUSIC PLAYING

Is he going to be all right?

Fingers crossed. He's not out of the woods yet.

so I'd like to keep an eye on him.

What do you think's wrong with him?

I can't be sure, but I strongly suspect some kind of poison.

Poison?!

ANNOUNCER: 'Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen,

'welcome to this performance, the authentic and original show,

'as presented to the public now for over years.

'We are yet to experience our first dissatisfied customer.

'If you enter now to the right, you will be first to see this show,

'right at the very edge of the wall...'

Please, Tracey, it wouldn't k*ll you to come home for tea after the show.

It might.

Why do you have to be so difficult?

I don't see the point in pretending

to be one big happy family, when we're not.

Belinda!

BELINDA: Oh. Hello.

Why weren't you at school today?

I felt a bit poorly this morning.

Are you feeling better now?

Yes, thank you.

We talked about this last term, didn't we?

I know it's difficult for you but you can't afford to miss school.

It's an important term.

I know. I'll be there tomorrow.

She doesn't look like a troublemaker.

She isn't. She's one of the brightest.

Come on, we won't get a decent view.

MUSIC: 'Hold Tight!' By Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich

♪ Hold tight, count of three Gotta stay close by me

♪ And hold tight, sing and shout

♪ Just ride my round

-about

♪ And hold tight, shut your eyes

♪ Girl, you suit me for size

♪ Ay

-ay

-ay

-ay, ay

-ay

-ay

♪ Forget these other guys

♪ You'll never fall each time you call

♪ Hold tight

♪ Hold tight

♪ Hold tight

♪ Hold tight makes me feel

♪ What you say is for real

♪ And hold tight, carousel

♪ Girl, you'll soon ring my bell

♪ And hold tight, we will fly

♪ Swinging low, swinging high

♪ Ay

-ay

-ay, ay

-ay

-ay

♪ We're gonna make the sky

♪ You'll never fall each time you call

♪ Hold tight

♪ Hold tight

♪ Hold tight

♪ Hold tight count of three

♪ Gotta stay close by me

♪ And hold tight, sing and shout

♪ Just ride my round

-about

♪ And hold tight, shut your eyes

♪ Girl, you suit me for size

♪ Ay

-ay

-ay, ay

-ay

-ay

♪ Forget these other guys

♪ You'll never fall each time you call

♪ Hold tight

♪ Hold tight

♪ Hold tight. ♪

Is this your idea of revenge, is it, Lammas?

My dog for your flaming mouse?

Eh?

You'll find you'd have been better off trying to poison me.

I don't know what you're talking about, Greengrass.

If I find out that it's definitely you that's done it,

you can get yourself measured for a pair of crutches.

You hear that? He's threatening me.

You try any fancy stuff, and I've got witnesses.

I never touched his mangy dog!

Use your legs while you've still got 'em!

SCOFFS

GINA: How is he, Claude?

The vet says he still thinks he's a bit touch and go.

I'm sorry. Have one on the house, eh?

Tah. I'll have a brandy, love.

GINA: Anything in it?

Only another one.

MUSIC: 'Never Met A Girl Like You Before' by The Kinks

♪ Hey

♪ I never met a girl like you before

♪ Yeah

♪ I never met a girl like you before. ♪

What do you think?

You know what I think! Stunts like that won't change my mind.

Oi, you. Off!

I could have the law on you. She's only !

I haven't touched her!

You'd better not! Come on.



- I don't have to.

- Yes, you do. I'm your father.



- You do as I say.

- Only for two more days.

I'm on Wednesday, remember?

Or are you so wrapped up in yourself you'd forgotten?

Two more days and I can do what I like.

I'm going on the road with Dirk.

He said the show could do with a bit of glamour.

All right, just calm down!

You better not touch a hair on her head, or I'll k*ll you!

What are you doing?

I'm looking for the coal bill.

I paid that ages ago, before we went away.

I know. I just wanted to have another look.

It'll be in the top drawer.

Ah, here we are.

Would you say this is the same handwriting?

It could be, yeah.

I bet that's why Belinda's been bunking off school.

She's doing her dad's book

-keeping.

What...?!

SHOP BELL RINGS

What's Trevor Lammas doing out there?

Well, he's cleaning my windows, I hope.

I've always done t'post office!

For years I've done every commercial premises in Aidensfield!

Well, I didn't know that! He was just first on the scene.

What's he charging you?

Nothing. Says the first one's complimentary.

Ah, clever!

You'll get streaks!

Come on.

Mr Knight?

Yes?

Mrs Rowan. Belinda's schoolteacher.

I was wondering if I could have a word before she gets home.

She's not in trouble, is she?

Well, not exactly.

Look... I know how hard things have been for you all

these last few months.

And I know how much you need Belinda's help.

But she can't afford to take any more time off school.

She could have a very bright future, Mr Knight.

I know.

Then couldn't you do the bills?

Just until she's done her Eleven Plus?

Mrs Rowan, I'd walk over hot coals for Belinda.

But I haven't had the benefit of an education.

You think I wouldn't do 'em if I could?

TREVOR: Come on, help me, will you?

TREVOR: Help!

Are you all right?

Well, help, then! Help me!

Come on, help me, will you?!

TREVOR WHIMPERS

Yes.

Right, come on.

I suppose he thinks it's funny!

I could have fallen off and k*lled myself!

Well, who was it, then?

Greengrass, of course!

Right. That's three and sixpence.

What? You said it was complimentary.

The windows. Not the gutters.

Well, you've left streaks.

MUSIC: 'Take A Heart' by The Sorrows

♪ She turns and heads away

-ay

♪ And my heart's in distress

♪ Won't somebody ple

-ease

♪ Take her place?

♪ Will I find her there?

♪ I'm searchin' everywhere

♪ Why'd you break my heart?

THUD

♪ First you take a heart

♪ Then you break her heart

♪ But before you do

♪ You make it fall for you

♪ Then you give it back

♪ Ah, you shouldn't do that. ♪

MUSIC: 'The In Crowd' by The Fourmost

♪ I'm in with the in

-crowd

♪ I go where the in

-crowd goes... ♪

Keep his head and neck as still as you can.

We still don't know the full extent of his injuries yet.

Are you going with him?

Yes, I want to make sure the hospital staff get the full story.

I'll catch up with you later.

Excuse me. I'll get you to the hospital as soon as I can,

I need to ask a few questions first.

Yeah, sure. Do you want to talk in there?

We'd had some mechanical problems at our last performance.

Dirk had fixed it and was warming the bike up.

Where were you?

I was outside at the time,

but I could hear him circling, gaining speed.

He must have been at the top when it happened.

Did you notice anyone hanging around?

Nah. But whoever it was, they must have been in the gallery.

Look, you can see where they poured the oil from.

He is going to be all right, isn't he?

Well, let's hope so.

Sarge! Found this at the bottom of the stairs.

NICK: Any use?

No. Just a common

-or

-garden can.

Fingerprints?

Too much oil. They'll be smudged, I reckon.

Well, get it checked anyway. And start asking around,

as many people as possible.

- All right.

You got any idea who could have done this?

It must have been the old man.



- Who's that?

- Tracey's dad.

Everyone heard what he said last night.

Is your dad in?

Yeah. Why?

I need a word.

What's the matter?

I've got some bad news.

What?

Dirk's in hospital.

Dirk?

He had an accident on his bike.

What's going on?

At the moment he's stable.

I can't say better than that, I'm afraid.

Can I stay with him?

Of course.

So what happens next?

I've called a neurosurgeon.

Dirk may have depressed fractures to the skull.

If so, they'll operate immediately.

Yeah, sure.

He's still unconscious.

Tracey won't be going far on the back of his bike, then.

She may well be going to a funeral, Mr Knight.

I still don't know why you think I did it.

You were heard threatening him.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Sergeant Rowan, but it weren't me.

So where were you at four o'clock this afternoon?

Talking to Mrs Rowan, as it happens.

My wife?

She came to have a chat... about Belinda.

You can check wi' her.

I will.

I threatened him, aye.

Any father would.

But I didn't try to k*ll him.

Dirk's your typical rogue.

We take him for what he is. He's popular.

So no one in the fair's got a grudge then?

Nothing I can think of.

He does tend to leave a trail of broken hearts behind him.

Mind, you can't blame him. They throw themselves at him.

So, what I need to know is where the fair's been

in, what, the last six weeks.

Talk to the manager. He'll give you all the details.

Don't suppose you can look in that and tell me who did it, can you?

It's not as easy as that.

No?

I can tell you're running away from something.

But you haven't run far enough yet.

Yeah, well. Thanks very much.

Did you get him?

Tracey's dad didn't do it.



- What?!

- He was talking to my wife

at the time of the accident.

He couldn't have been!

He was. I've checked.

He's paid someone to do it for him, hasn't he?

I could have been k*lled!

That would have been a bonus.

I could have slipped and broken my neck!

Hooray.

Moving my ladders away!

I don't know what you're talking about.

Perhaps this'll help you remember, eh?

Out!

He's the one you want out!

He's in here having a drink. You're in here causing trouble!



- Quite right, Gina.

- Yeah, but I...

You're barred. Out now!

That goes for your mouse, an' all! WHEEZES WITH LAUGHTER

I felt a bit of a fool.

Practically accusing him of attempted m*rder,

and all the time he was talking to you.

I feel sorry for him. Teenage daughters can't be easy.

Especially ones like Tracey.

Belinda seems different.

Mmm. She's keeping the whole family together.

Well, perhaps she doesn't want Tracey going off with Dirk

any more than Sid does?

What are you driving at?

Well, she's already lost her mother.

She doesn't want to lose her sister as well.

She could have wanted Dirk out of the way.

Nick! She's .

Yeah, well, you have to admit it's possible.

DOOR OPENS

I want to make a complaint.

Go on.

Have you got any news?

No change, I'm afraid.

So what do you want?

I wondered if I could have a word with Belinda.

Me?

What about?

It was you, wasn't it?



- Tracey!

- You're jealous.

You've always been jealous.

I don't know what she's talking about.

You didn't want me to have Dirk! You made him have the accident.

NICK: All this isn't going to solve anything.

Mr Knight, if I could just have a few moments with you and Belinda?

There's obviously going to be trouble,

a little chit like that having a licence.

I'm not saying it's Gina's fault but...

People take advantage, don't they?

It's in her interests, really, that you should know.

Before there's big trouble.

And drinking after hours always leads to tears, in my experience.

You're not writing any of this down.

No.

Why not?

This is a serious complaint!

I'm sure that anyone who's drinking after hours at the Aidensfield Arms

is a resident.

You go down there! Do a raid!

See what you find.

We're too busy to make raids on the basis of unsubstantiated rumours.

So what are you going to do about my complaint?

Nowt.

You were never going to go anywhere, were you?

What?

It's no wonder that Nick Rowan's been promoted right over your head.

You're the laughing stock of the North Riding Constabulary.

SLAMS DOOR

How do you and Tracey get on?

Fine.

Does she do much to help you and your dad?

She's only worried about clothes.

And blokes.

What did you think about her going off with Dirk?

At least she wouldn't upset Dad anymore.

Do you want her to stay here?

Look, I can see what you're driving at, even if the lass can't.

For your information, Belinda arrived home yesterday from school

just after your wife left.

She probably passed her on the road.

She can't have done it either.

So, if you'd like to leave me and my family alone...

Mm! Hey, good lad! There we go.

Sit down there. Sit! Now, then.

Have I got a treat for you!

Here you are, son.

It's your favourite! Tripe.

That's a good boy. That's better, in't it? Good lad.

Good boy, good boy.

Oh, Sarge, I've just had a call from Dr Bolton.

They operated on Dirk last night.

They say what are the chances are?

About : against.

So we could have a m*rder on our hands.

Check statements, alibis, times, places. Get Bradley to help.

I'd like to make a complaint.

PC Ventress will see to you.

It's him I want to complain about!

Off you go.

Quietly, please!

Are you all right, Belinda?

They all think I did it, don't they?

Who?

The police. They think I tried to get rid of Dirk.

Why would they think you did it?

To stop Tracey running off with him.

And you don't want that?

He'd be doing us a favour.

Tracey's k*lling Dad.

He blames himself for the way she is.

But if she stayed, then she could help you with the work.

You could get on with your exams.

It wouldn't make any difference.

Well, why not?

The bills only take me about two hours a week.

They don't stop me from coming to school.

So why haven't you been coming?

I wake up in the night sometimes...

and hear Dad crying.

In the morning, he just lies in bed.

He won't get up.

He won't speak.

But I can see in the back of his eyes what he's thinking.

I daren't go to school

because I'm afraid that when I get back home...

Even dad thinks I did it.

Why would he think that?

He told Sergeant Rowan I got back from school right after you left.

He can't have known that, cos he wasn't there himself. He's lying.

Belinda, I'm going to have to talk to Sergeant Rowan.

But you must trust me.

Everything's going to be all right.

I know he's a pain in the neck, Alf, but we've got a job to do.

Yes, Sarge.

This sort of trouble won't do any good.

Go and sort them out. Bang their heads together or something.



- Right, Sarge.

- You can start by

finding out what Gina and Lammas were rowing about,

and put a stop to it, that's all.

- I'll do my best, Sarge.

KNOCKING Hi, Nick.



- Morning, Jo.

- Morning, Alf.

I've just been talking to Belinda.

I think you should have another word with Sid Knight.

It's my pub, Alf. I'll serve who I want!

Well, all I'm saying is, in the long run,

it might be easier for all of us if you unbarred him.

I mean, he's only making trouble.

That's all he ever does when he's in here.

I mean, no

-one round here can stand him.

True. But at least you can keep an eye on him.

I suppose so. It's just such a pain, having to let him back in again.

He'll get his comeuppance sooner or later.

Well, it might be sooner than he thinks.

Really? Tell me more.

I've checked all the timings carefully.

I clocked the journey from here to the fairground.

If you left just after my wife,

you'd have had time to get to the Wall Of Death before the accident.

But I didn't.

So where were you?

Does it matter?

Well, yeah. You're the only person with a motive and no alibi.

It's definitely in your interest to tell me where you were.

OK. I was up at the old quarry.

They've dragged a fair few bodies out of there over the years.

You were going to throw yourself in?

Haven't got a lot to live for, have I?

Susan's... gone.

Tracey, she can't wait to get away.

I'm ruining Belinda's chances of success.

I've failed them.

No, you haven't. If you'd have jumped, you would have.

I've lost them.

I'm just a millstone.

Well, maybe Tracey wants to leave cos of the way you've been.

If you can face up to it, Mr Knight, you can move on.

Be a family again.

Never.

Not without Susan.

Well, I felt like that once.

Things change.

Ah, Mr Lammas! Now, what seems to be the problem?

Come here! I'll show you.

That's a death threat, is that!

All right, mate?

What's the story?

Lammas reckons it's Greengrass.

No, it's not his style.

Too expensive, for a start.

Well? Are you going to give me police protection?

Oh, I think that's a bit premature.

What are you going to do?

I'll put one of my officers on it full time.



- It's the best I can do.

- Not Ventress?

No, not PC Ventress. PC Bradley.

Sarge!

Just try and sort it out, Mike.

I asked Alf to have a go. He seems to have made things worse.

Do you know anyone else who might have a grievance against you?

Well, there was Angelique, The Alligator Girl.

This is serious!

Someone tried to k*ll you.

Yeah. And ruined a good bike.

Is it a write

-off?

Don't know. I haven't looked at it.

It's been impounded as evidence.

Local garage. I'll find out what sort of state it's in.

Listen, I'm sorry, but unless there's anything important,

Dirk really needs to get some rest.

Yeah, I'm just going.

He's been lucky.

Lucky? Whoever's getting away with it is the lucky one.

Yeah. Well, thanks very much for your help.

No luck there either. Look, there's one stonemason left.

You haven't you seen my list anywhere?

I shouldn't bother about it, if I were you.

Lammas has always been a troublemaker.

There must be more important things for you to do.

I'm sure there are. That's why I'm trying to get this over with.

Why don't we have a cup of tea?

On the other hand, you don't want to stick around here the whole day.

Leave it to me and I'll follow it up for you.

You're right, Alf. He's only down the road. I'll go and see him.

Is there much damage?

No, no. They're beautiful machines.

Not often you see two in such good condition.

But I suppose the boys have to keep them up to the mark,

given what they do.

Yeah, I suppose so. That's supposed to be Liam on the right, isn't it?

I think so. It's hard to tell 'em apart

with all that gear on, in't it?

I can't tell you.

Why's that, then?

He gave me a extra few bob to keep quiet.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that,

because we don't take too kindly to people withholding information.

He came in day before yesterday.

Wanted a rush job. Paid cash.

Said he was gonna erect stone himself.

Who am I to argue?

Right. Well, can you give me a description?

Scruffy bloke. Oldish. Wearing an old coat.

Oh, and he had a dog wi' him.

Sort of greyhound

-lurcher... mongrel sort of thing.

'Ey up! I had you shoving up the daisies.

I sent the missus out for flowers!

She'll have to keep 'em for front room.

BERNIE: Is there another Trevor Lammas then?

CHUCKLING

You'll be laughing the other side of your face any moment.

Mr Greengrass, I've got to ask you to come down to the station with me.

I've done nothing wrong.

Then you'll be free to go

as soon as you've answered a couple of questions.

I hope it's not on the back of that flaming bike of yours.

I hope he likes prison food.

COUGHS AND CHOKES

You want to check your pumps, love.

Tastes all right to me!

I've been poisoned!

Someone's put weedkiller in my beer!



- Oh, dear (!)

- Weedkiller?

You'd better get yourself to the hospital, quick.

Someone give me a lift!

For pity's sake...

I've got the company car outside.

I'm not going in that!

Suit yourself. There'll be a bus along in about an hour.

If it's just the forks that are bent, I can fix them, easy.

I've got plenty of spares in the caravan.

Do you do the maintenance of both bikes yourself?

Yeah. Liam... he's not what you might call mechanically minded.

You were riding the red bike when the accident happened.

Isn't that Liam's?

Yeah. I'd been tuning it.

I just wanted to make sure it was running smoothly.

So whoever poured the oil down the wall

could have thought you were Liam?

I suppose so.

Who'd have it in for him?

Where is he now?

He's gone to the fair.

Look, this wounded innocence act doesn't wash with me.

I've seen it done better, and by worse.

Let's just agree to start off on the right foot, now, shall we,

and make my job and your life a lot easier.

I still don't know what I'm being accused of!

How about gravestones for starters?

Gravestones? What gravestones?

Look... I've got a witness.

Either he's lying or you're lying, and I know who my money's on.

It's not going to be me, is it?

No, because the stonemason said you ordered it the day before yesterday.

Gave me a perfect description of you.

Did he? I'm not the only handsome devil in the village, you know.

He told me it was a scruffy old bloke

with a long coat and a dog.

That sound like you?

Well, I've heard more favourable descriptions

but I suppose to the layman it could be me.

But it couldn't be me anyway.

Because Alfred has been at the vet's for the last two days.

He was only let out this morning.

It's Claude, isn't it? Look, Claude,

let's just forget about the last ten minutes, shall we?

Well, if it wasn't you, who do you think it might have been?

Who else has got a grudge against Lammas?

Be easier for me to give you a list of the people who haven't!

With suspected poisoning there's no point messing about.

What are you going to do?

If you're unable to identify the actual toxic substance,

I can't apply the antidote.

We'll just have to go straight for the stomach wash.

Nick Rowan asked me to come and have a chat with you.

What for?

I'm here to help, Sid. It's part of the job.

Do you remember, we talked about it when Susan died?

You knew it wasn't going to be easy.

What can you do to help?

You can't bring her back.

No.

So what's the point of dragging you into it?

Because if you've got problems,

I'd rather they were on my shoulders than Belinda's.

Keeping it to yourself, you know...

It isn't being brave.

You'll only end up hurting the people you love the most.

I already have.

I've driven Tracey away.

I'm ruining Belinda's chances.

You don't want to know.

Yes, I do. That's exactly why I'm here.

Lammas still owes me for the last time I serviced his car.

Why didn't he pay up?

Said I hadn't done the work.

Blamed me when the thing broke down yards up the road.

Well, was it your fault?

Course not! It were a puncture.

So you don't exactly see eye to eye, then?

Personally, I wouldn't cross the road to spit on him

if he were on fire.

But if you're gonna ask me about the gravestone,

this morning was the first time I clapped eyes on it.

MUSIC: 'Boom Boom' by The Animals

He's going to be all right, isn't he?

Yeah.

Yeah, he is.

Thank God.

Happy birthday.



- Thanks.

- Have a chip.

Dirk was gonna take me out for a meal,

but I suppose this is second best.

Go on, help yourself.

Are you still gonna perform this evening?

Of course.

Only if you did want a partner, me and Dirk did lots of practice.

Not the really dangerous stuff, but I could give it a go.

He got the boot from the egg

-packers six months ago.

So what does he do? He looks round for a cushy number.

He sees I'm doing all right for myself

so he buys himself a ladder and a bucket,

sets up in business to undercut me.

He's taken all my best customers from right under my nose.

At least Gina's stayed loyal.

So you wouldn't buy him a pint of an evening?

Huh, he can... buy his own!

And the gravestone?

Where am I gonna find cash for something like that?

I'm struggling to keep my head above water!

This your dog?

Yeah.

Wouldn't call it a greyhound

-lurcher mongrelly type of thing, would you?

You might.

Liam, can I have a word, please?

Yeah, sure.

In private.

I can tell when I'm not wanted.

That's Dirk's bike, isn't it?

Yeah. It's his pride and joy. Why?

Apart from the fact they're different colours,

you two look identical during your act.

Now maybe whoever did it thought Dirk was you.

You mean someone wanted to do me in?

Well, the question is, who would want you out of the way?

The little cow!

She was desperate to do a double act with Dirk

but I wouldn't have any of it, would I?

I can't believe it!

Tracey's always been a handful, especially since her mother died.

I had no idea she was capable of something like this.

I think she realises she's gone too far this time.

I let her run wild.

If only I'd paid her more attention!

What's going to happen to her, Sergeant Rowan?

I'm not sure at the moment.

It's almost certain she'll face criminal charges.

What she did was very serious, Mr Knight. Dirk could have died.



- I blame myself.

- Well, don't.

She has to realise she's responsible for her own actions.

She's had a tough time.

I know. I'll speak to my superiors.

All that will be taken into consideration.

Oh, Tracey, love.

Dad!

It's all right. I'm here now.

Bring her back tomorrow morning at ten o'clock, Mr Knight.

You mean I can go?

You're released temporarily on police bail.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to end up like this. Really I didn't!

Come on, love. Let's go home.

Crocodile tears?

Well, who can tell? She's just a kid.

Now, tell me about the Lammas case.

Ted Legge has admitted to ordering the gravestone

and planting the weedkiller.

Although that turned out to be soap powder.

We've got to be able to charge him with something!

Apart from anything else, wasted a lot of police and hospital time.

Well, it's not quite as simple as all that, Sarge.

ALL TALKING AT ONCE

CHATTER DIES OUT

What's Alf doing in there? Taking statements?

Not quite, no.

Seems like they had a whip

-round in the pub to teach Lammas a lesson.

Everyone in there put in ten bob.

Ted Legge was willing to go down for the whole thing, but...

they claim they're all in it together.

So we have to charge all of them?

Alf?

Think of the paperwork, Sarge.

I've only just managed to clear my desk!

Let 'em go.

Ventress!

My office. Now.