12x22 - House Rules

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss

♪ When my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss

♪ Stay in my memory? ♪

MUSIC: 'There Goes My everything' by Engelbert Humperdinck

♪ There goes

♪ My only possession

♪ There goes my everything

♪ I hear footsteps

♪ Slowly, slowly walking

♪ As they gently walk across

♪ A lonely floor

♪ And a voice

♪ Is softly, softly saying

♪ Darling, this will be goodbye

♪ Forever more

♪ There goes my reason

♪ For living

♪ There goes

♪ The one of my dreams

♪ There goes

♪ My only possession

♪ There goes my everything... ♪

Nothing like a nice cup of tea in the morning, is there, Phil?

It's hard to remember, Alf. It's a long time since I've had one.

Steve, that kettle will boil dry in a minute.

- Oh, right, sorry. - MERTON: Right.

House burglary. On your patch, Crane.

A Mr and Mrs Thornton. Do you know them?

- No, I don't think so. - A neat professional job.

They didn't notice anything till they got up this morning.

PHIL: Thorntons.

I thought they were moving. Their house is up for sale.

House for sale?

Is that linked to the other break-in this week?

She didn't give me a chance to ask much. She was too upset.

We'd better get over there.

That's you and me, Crane. - Sorry, sarge.

What's up with him?

He's usually as keen as mustard.

He's been a bit funny the last couple of days.

Maybe he's found out that life as a rural copper

is not his cup of tea, eh?

Alf may be right.

Our second break-in at a property for sale.

Sorry, sarge?

Where are you today?

The house that was burgled earlier this week was also for sale.

Mrs Thornton?

Sergeant Merton, Ashfordly Police.

My husband went to work first thing. I only noticed after he'd gone.

It's an awful feeling knowing someone's been in your house.

I understand. Shall we take a look?

Exactly the same entry procedure.

MRS THORNTON: The same as what?

We had a similar break-in this week.

Did you sweep up the broken vase?

It was like that. I saw it, then spotted the window.

I also found this.

Ah. He left another note.

Where was this?

It's creepy.

We wanted to move before the baby comes.

Now I can't wait.

Derek's often away on business.

I'll be frightened on my own after this.

We'll keep a very close eye.

- The thief's still out there. - For the present, yes.

I'll need details of all the missing items.

Of course.

Keep the change.

Oh, very generous.

TRAIN WHISTLE

Hi, there.

Are you making tracks to the village?

- VERNON: Sorry? - I'm kind of looking for a ride.

I run a taxi service, madam.

If I gave free lifts, it'd defeat the object.

That's a taxi. You do have them up here, then.

That's cool.

We also have customers who expect to pay to use them.

Oh, come on, be a pal. I'm new to the area.

VERNON: A bit short of lolly, Barbara?

No, I just forgot to cash a cheque.

Call me Babs.

All my mates do. Barbara sounds so formal.

- First time in these parts? - Mm-hmm.

I never thought much of London myself.

Is that where you live? - Yeah. A little place.

The World's End. - Bad as that, eh?

No, no, no. The World's End is an area in London.

It's, um... - I know. Chelsea. King's Road.

Swinging London. Mary Quant.

I always thought that was nonsense. I quite like it, myself.

So are you visiting friends up here?

Oh, more than a friend. Someone very special to me, Vernon.

- This is Aidensfield. - Drop me right here.

I'd like to take in some of the local vibe.

Oh, this looks a nice old pub.

I'll tell you what. I'll join you for a bevvy, if you like,

introduce you to the landlord.

See what you make of his vibe.

ESTATE AGENT: Mr Thornton's keen on a quick sale.

We'd prefer to be the sole agents,

but he's put the house on with Clough's, too.

The other house that was broken into was also with you?

Yes. Clough's and us have most of the business round here.

So you think that someone's posing as a buyer,

viewing the property, then breaking in later?

Well, it has to be a possibility. But these are puzzling us.

There was a similar message left at the other place. Any thoughts?

Des Res, eh?

Very funny. - How's business been lately?

A bit slow, actually. And these break-ins won't help.

Do you have a list of everyone who views each property?

Yes, I can get one typed up for you.

Hm, the building seems kind of together.

You know, in equilibrium. - Well, it should be.

I wouldn't have taken it on without a structural survey.

No, I mean it seems at one with itself, Oscar.

At peace.

You should try being in here some Saturday nights.

It's not very peaceful then, is it?

Compared to some trendy bars in London

this has an historic aura, a sense of a different time.

VERNON: Yeah.

Prohibition comes to mind. We're dying of thirst here.

JENNY: Sounds like you've travelled a lot.

So what's your favourite place?

Mysore, Southern India. The palace is amazing.

A real sense of karma.

I'd love to go to India.

If it's meant, Jenny, you'll go. That's what the Buddhists say.

Buddhists? Who are they?

That bloke that knocks around with The Beatles. The Mata Hari.

The Maharishi. Mata Hari was a female spy, you pillock.

Maharishi is an old con man if you ask me.

Sits there looking wise, smiles and takes all the money.

Sounds like you, Oscar.

Except you don't smile a lot.

VERNON LAUGHS Is that so?

So what actually brings you up here, then, Babs?

Love.

Love is all you need.

It's the most powerful vibe on earth.

MUSIC: 'All You need Is Love' by Royal Philharmonic Orchestra

Alf, I made a list of things missing from the Thorntons.

It's mainly jewellery, silverware, things you can sell on easily.

It's the same pattern as before.

I've got a few things to attend to in Aidensfield.

Can you tell the sarge I'll be back later this afternoon?

I took a wander this morning. It's nice round here. Peaceful.

You don't look that type. I thought you'd be one for the bright lights.

Life's full of surprises.

Who would expect a landlady on the Yorkshire Moors

to be a drop-dead gorgeous chick?

Yeah, yeah. I'm a Scouser, remember. I've heard it all before.

I wouldn't get too pally with him. He looks like trouble to me.

Um, I'm a big girl, you know, Oscar.

I can make my own judgements, thank you.

Anyway, look who's talking.

Bye, Oscar.

OSCAR: Is she leaving?

Yes, the love vibe must be calling.

Oh, right.

I do believe you're a bit taken with her, Oscar.

She's a very interesting woman. Any idea who she's come to see?

Someone special. That's all she said.

Whoever he is, he's a lucky man.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Stevie.

Darling. Great to see you.

Hello.

BABS: Don't look so worried.

I've been worried since I got your letter.

Honestly, Stevie, you'd think I was bad news

or something.

Well, relax. Everything's... cool. My life's very together.

I've not come looking for anything.

No?

I've just popped up for a couple of days.

I haven't seen you since you left Manchester. I've missed you.

You're still my baby.

Still my boy.

Well, er, this is Aidensfield.

It's a bit quieter than you're used to, I expect.

Hey, I love it here. It's got a great vibe.

Met some nice people in the pub.

You've been in the Aidensfield Arms?

Yeah. I met Vernon, Oscar, Jenny,

David, a whole crowd.

Did you tell them you're my mother?

Hey, you're not ashamed of me?

- Course not. - Tune in.

Turn on. You're so negative sometimes.

Just like your father.

Both Scorpios, that's your trouble.

How are things in London?

Great.

I met this wonderful creative guy.

A writer. - Does he have a name?

Jack De Polnay.

Just had his first novel published.

He introduced me to some great people.

Musicians, poets, painters.

I've no wish to be rude about your father and the Army,

but we just weren't suited.

I know.

Chalk and cheese.

Actually, Mum, it's good to see you.

Cheers.

See you later, yeah?

Oh, ta-ra.

How long's he planning on staying?

Well, it's open-ended. And don't complain, Oscar.

He's got plenty of money, and doesn't mind spending it.

Well, I don't like the cut of his jib.

You might have to put up with it.

He's really taken to the area, looking to buy a house round here.

That camp your dad was posted to outside Saarbrücken,

that was the pit.

Wasn't that bad.

All right for you. Football with your pals.

I had to spend dreary evenings playing Whist with NCO's wives.

I had to go to church on Sunday,

had to do self-defence classes.

It was boring. Deeply boring.

PHONE RINGS Oh.

PC Crane.

Oh, hi, Alf.

Yeah. On my way.

Duty calls.

Make yourself at home, Mum. I'll see you later.

Ciao.

Operator. Long distance, please.

It's a number in the USA.

Mr Thornton's been on to Division to complain about his burglary.

Hardly our fault. We went round

as soon as it was reported. - His wife's upset,

and he's heard about the other robbery.

He thinks we're slacking.

A list of buyers from North Riding Estate Agents.

Ventress, Bellamy, go through it.

Pick out anyone who viewed both houses.

None of our local ne'er-do-wells would register with an estate agent.

Yeah, and that note he left, that's not like anyone known to us.

I didn't say it was a local man.

He knew exactly what he was after.

He must have had a look around.

Crane, a list of antique shops and auction rooms in the region.

Make sure they have details of all stolen items.

And quickly. We need to get moving on this.

You want me to collect a trunk tomorrow

from Whitby freight station?

Yes. It's in my maiden name, Walker.

It was too heavy to bring on the train.

You did say you were in the delivery and dispatch business.

You've got a fleet of lorries. That's his fleet there.

VERNON: Bernard, I'll handle this.

Sounds like a two-man job. I'll have to pay David.

- Pay me? But you never pay me. - Hush, David.

Call it bob.

Fine. No problem.

Not wishing any offence, Babs,

but earlier you didn't have the cab fare from the station.

- I've plenty of bread. - But we don't even know

where you're staying or anything. - Relax.

It's cool. I'm staying at the police house with PC Crane.

And I'll pay you on delivery of the trunk.

You're with Steve? Our local bobby?

Oh, well, that's fine. No problem. - Thanks. Ciao.

VERNON: Well, blow me.

That Steve's a bit of a dark horse.

PHIL: Try not to worry too much, Mrs Gilchrist.

Someone will call by later, check all's well.

PHIL: Breaking in while she slept, threatening notes.

It's no wonder she was terrified.

Whoever's doing it seems to have some kind of grudge.

Unless it's a political motive. Bring down the system kind of thing.

Possibly.

Either way, he's making idiots of us.

Alice Gilchrist?

I'm really saddened to hear that.

I feel sort of responsible. - Why's that, Arthur?

They bought the house through my dad.

She put it with me because she trusted Clough's.

Now this happens.

And you're the sole agent?

Greg Matthews of North Riding went round.

But Alice said she liked our personal touch.

Have you got names of clients who viewed

and a list of the properties you've got on your books?

I should be able to let you have a list tomorrow morning.

It's hard to believe anybody could go round terrifying old folk.

What a world we live in, eh?

MUSIC: 'Ridin' The Wind' by The Tornados

OSCAR: There we are, Bernie. d/s. You got off light today.

- Eh? - Not having to fork out for lunch

for that junior partner of yours. Where is Vernon?

He's in Whitby collecting a trunk for Constable Crane's lady friend.

It's news to me that he's got a lady friend.

Aye, we were a bit surprised. She's no spring chicken.

Hi, Oscar.

Glass of house red, please.

Can I get you a drink, Bernie? - No, I'm fine, thanks, Babs.

- When do you expect Vernon back? - Oh, he'll be some time yet.

There's £ to be paid for this on collection.

A fiver? She never mentioned that.

I don't know if I've got £.

Maybe we should go back and get it off Babs.

We can't do that. It'll waste hours.

Look, here.

I've got £/s/d.

Can I owe you the rest the next time I'm back this way?

Course you can.

Owe it as long as you like.

But the trunk stays here till you've paid in full.

David, lend me ten bob.

That's all I've got.

It's for my trip to Aunt Florrie's in Scarborough.

You'll get it back.

- Are you paying for this or what? - Hang on a minute.

Here.

£.

Aren't you going to give us a hand?

It's not my job, mate.

Oh!

Blimey! What's she got in here?

Oh!

Have you got the gear?

Panda One to control.

I'm on the Elsinby Road surveying possible suspects of the break-ins.

Request backup. Over.

- Best be getting back. - Bye, Bernie.

You're staying at the police house, I understand?

It's much nicer than I expected.

It's quite cosy, just the two of us.

It's none of my business,

but I wouldn't have thought that you and Steve...

There's, um, quite a bit of a...

Well, you seem such different people.

Oh, you don't know Stevie like I do.

We go back years. He's a great guy.

In fact, the first time I met him, he hadn't got a stitch on.

He was stark naked.

Then the midwife handed him to me.

He was nearly lb.

We're not lovers, Oscar. He's my son.

I see.

Well, you should be very proud of the way that baby's turned out.

Have another glass of wine on the house.

I thought you didn't approve of getting too close to the customers.

MUSIC: 'Ain't Nothing But A House Party' by The Tremeloes

♪ Well, they're dancin' on the ceiling...

I'll get past and stop them. You come up behind.

♪ Come on, baby, we're comin' through the door

♪ They know it's a party goin' on

♪ Gonna dance and romance all night long

♪ I know it's cold outside

♪ Come on in, I'll keep you satisfied

♪ All you gotta do is groove

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Every time you feel the groove

♪ It ain't nothing but a party

♪ It ain't nothing but a houseparty

♪ It ain't nothing but a party

♪ It ain't nothing but a houseparty...

PHIL: Why didn't you stop? Didn't you see me

flashing my lights? - I saw the bike.

I didn't suss you were the fuzz. - OK, open it.

There's nothing in there, just some stuff I'm selling.

Hey, man. Go easy. It takes Annabel an age to sew these beads.

If you're looking for dr*gs, we're clean, man.

We're off to sell these at the market.

♪ All you gotta do is groove

♪ Every time you feel the groove... ♪

MAN: Just because we're different, outside the system, you hassle us.

MERTON: We have to follow all leads. We're sorry

for the inconvenience, OK?

I'm sorry about that, sarge. I just thought...

Forget inspired hunches, Bellamy.

Routine slog will solve this, so get on with it, both of you.

You want a list of all the properties we have for sale?

Yeah. Sorry if that gives you any problems.

It's been a headache all around. Any progress?

Er, not so far.

Look, I'll call round for that list in the morning.

Ah, Mr Beech.

You, er... found it all right?

Yeah. Your directions were spot-on.

Looks interesting.

One more possible name on your patch is Sam Goodwin, Rose Cottage.

Old Sam? He's a bit unlikely, isn't he?

Well, he's not a priority,

but you'd better have him on your list.

I've got to go. There's someone at the door.

We're, er...

We're...

We're delivering this.

Here? Why?

It belongs to your girlfriend. You know, Babs.

My mother.

No. No, she's not your mother. She's, er...

She's... What did you call her?

Oh, yeah. Your fancy woman. That's it.

Er, I'll handle this, David.

Will you take delivery for her?

I suppose so.

VERNON: Good. That'll be bob.

Only, it's taken us all day and we had to pay a fiver for the trunk.

- What? - And ten bob of that is mine.

It's my Aunt Florrie money, to go and visit her in Scarborough.

She lives there now.

Since she moved.

Hello, darling.

Oh. - It cost me nearly seven quid.

Any chance of knowing what's going on?

I'm sorry, Stevie.

I hated having to lie.

It's all gone wrong with me and Jack.

That trunk's all I've got in the world.

I had nowhere else to go.

I'm so sorry, Stevie.

SHE'S CRYING

Has the name Beech cropped up, Alf?

Er, not as a suspect. He's only viewed one house. Why?

I saw a bloke called Beech viewing a house with Greg Matthews.

I'd say he wasn't local.

You've acted on enough hunches for one day.

Why don't we wait

until we get Arthur Clough's list tomorrow?

We were miles behind with the rent.

Got thrown out of the flat.

Oh, ta. Jack's a gifted writer, but hopeless with money.

He's not the only one.

I know. I'm just as bad.

We had a blazing row. He left me.

A mate of his sent him a cheap ticket to the States.

Jack's a dreamer.

Can't face reality.

I won't be a burden to you, Steve.

It's just for a couple of weeks till I sort myself out.

I don't see how.

I'll sell some of my stuff.

Books, jewellery.

And these should fetch a good price.

One of a set of London scenes by a young painter I know.

What's it supposed to be?

Can't you tell?

Trafalgar Square.

Has anyone, apart from you, heard of this artist?

Oh, he's going to be very big.

All right. He's just dropped out of Chelsea Art College.

But I believe he's genuinely talented.

Jack's not the only one who's a dreamer, Mum.

I've got to get back to work.

Er, so it's all right if I crash here for a bit, then?

I don't seem to have any choice, do I?

Always amazes me, folk trudging round viewing houses.

People have to live somewhere.

I know.

Mrs Ventress and me have lived in the same house since we got wed.

PHIL: This name here, Mr L Beech.

That's the bloke I saw yesterday.

On Greg Matthews' list he's only viewed one house.

Beech?

He's on Clough's list more than once.

Which properties, Alf?

Let's see.

No more reported break-ins last night. Des Res is lying low.

How are we doing?

Er, ten names so far.

Alf's checking out another possible. - Talk to each of them ASAP.

They're all local, aren't they? - ALF: Except this one.

Mr L Beech.

He's viewed all three properties and given a contact address.

The Aidensfield Arms. - Do we know anything about him?

Pop in tonight and see if Oscar has any SP on him first.

OK.

I'll need to inform Mrs Ventress that I'm working overtime again.

Tough old life.

What was in that trunk, Babs?

I'm sure I've put my back out.

Valuable works of art.

Sadly, I have to sell some, so if you know of anyone...

This is a set

of three London landmarks

by a very talented painter, Tristram Mackerell.

OSCAR: Well, certainly very colourful.

- What's it called? - Big Ben.

- It looks nothing like Big Ben. - It isn't Big Ben. It's a painting.

Oh, well, if you look closely, it's exactly like Big Ben.

I've seen that on the brown sauce bottles.

You see, there's the clock. - BABS: Thank you, David.

Very perceptive. - Quite right, David.

Art is colour and form. Has been from Leonardo to Pablo Picasso.

I mean, a painting doesn't have to be realistic.

It's not a photograph.

Thank you, Oscar.

I should have known you'd appreciate them.

This place could do

with a bit of brightening up, so how much do you want for them?

I paid £ for the set.

£?

That's taken the colour and form out your cheeks, Oscar.

I don't think I can afford the whole set,

but would you be prepared to sell me just one?

Thanks for your help.

Sorry to have disturbed you, Mr Goodwin.

Are you sure you don't mind breaking up the set?

No.

Tristram would have wanted this one to have a good home.

What's it called again?

Trafalgar Square.

OSCAR: Oh, yes, yes. I can see it now.

- He's putty in her hands. - Right, Babs, here we are.

£.

Be worth times that much in a few years.

You'll see.

DAVID: I love his stuff. It's...

You know. - VERNON: Maybe I was overhasty.

Art can't always be appreciated instantly.

What do you think, Bernard?

Well, I suppose a splash of colour might brighten up the office.

My feelings precisely. We'll have one each.

Bernard will settle up with you later.

BABS: Thanks. It's a nice vibe,

all of them finding a home in the community.

Well, let's hope it's a nice vibe

with their soaring values, eh, Oscar?

I'm just happy to have it on my wall.

- What about this one? - Tower Bridge. It's not finished.

Still, Tristram wouldn't have wanted it to be left all alone.

You can be its guardian.

You mean, I've got to look after it?

No, David. You have good karma.

It's yours, to keep.

STEVE: Sam Goodwin couldn't have got through a window,

let alone burgled a house. - None on my list seem very likely.

One was on honeymoon when the last two were broken into.

That just leaves Mr Beech.

All right, just be careful of that, please.

Hello, Alf. - Oscar.

I've just bought that painting. What do you reckon?

Looks like a road traffic accident.

Can I have a word? - Yeah. Come over here.

GINA: Yeah?

OSCAR: Well, that's him over there.

Has he got something to do with these burglaries?

Well, we're keeping an eye on him.

Well, it's a nasty business. People are scared.

I hear the thief is leaving threatening notes.

Something like that.

Anything known about this Lennie Beech?

Well, CRO are looking into it, and we hope to hear in the morning.

OSCAR: From the start, I thought he was a wrong 'un.

Nothing I could put my finger on,

but you know what I mean.

CLOCK CHIMES TWO

DOG BARKS

It was exactly am when your dog started barking?

Thank you, Mrs Miller.

Well, if that's meant to be funny, I don't appreciate it.

The owners are away in London?

Yes, they're down there flat-hunting.

I've got a contact address.

Let's hope we have better news for them soon.

Thank you.

CRO say Beech has form. Let's pay him a visit.

You're not prepared to tell us where you were in the early hours?

Why should I?

Then I'd like you to come to the station.

- You've nothing on me. - PC Ventress saw you

leaving the pub a bit before closing time.

So?

I went for a ride, came back, went to bed.

All right?

You didn't get in till am. I heard your car.

I stayed out late. That's not a crime, is it?

A house you visited was broken into last night.

Why won't you tell us where you were?

- It's none of your business. - We know who you are, Mr Beech.

You have a criminal record for burglary.

You been checking up on me?

Are you coming, or do I have to arrest you?

- What's going on? - Another house

was burgled last night. He's been taken in for questioning.

What's that got to do with Lennie?

Gina, he didn't come in till the small hours.

So you shopped him to the police?

Oh, you're an interfering, old meddler, Oscar.

Do you know that?

Are you still holding Lennie?

Mr Beech is helping us with our enquiries, yes, Gina.

You've got the wrong man.

He has previous form and no alibi.

Yeah, he has. I can vouch for him.

He didn't get back to the pub till three in the morning.

I know. I was with him.

He picked me up when the pub closed,

and then we went to a party, a friend of mine's.

We stayed there till gone half past two.

Then he drove us home.

And no, he hadn't been drinking.

Right, so, are you and Mr Beech, um...

It's none of your business, but no, we're not.

That's why I told him not to tell anyone we were together last night.

He's not your man.

You don't have to go. You've done nothing wrong.

They know who I am. If there's another break-in

they'll come calling.

I've been straight for three years.

Finding somewhere to start again is not easy.

Shame it's not here.

Bye, Gina. Take care, yeah?

Has a habit of falling for the wrong sort, does Gina.

Thanks, Alf.

No, no, I didn't mean you.

- Crane. - Yes, sarge.

My office, please.

Now.

The police house phone bill's come in.

You've made four transatlantic calls.

A total of one hour minutes.

Explanation, please.

Is there a reason for Aidensfield police

to be making enquiries in Los Angeles, California?

- No, sarge. - Then you'll have to pay for them.

In future I'll expect you to keep meticulous records of your calls.

- It must be a mistake. - It's no mistake.

And who were you phoning in Los Angeles?

Jack. I missed him terribly.

I had to talk.

He missed me, too.

He's trying to sell his novel to make into a Hollywood film.

Oh, really?

I'm sorry I got you into trouble.

I won't call him again.

And where did you get this money?

I sold my paintings in the pub.

What? You sold worthless junk to people I know?

I've got to work here, Mum!

Doesn't go in here.

Wasted our money yet again.

I should never have listened to you.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

I've had to take six houses off the market.

Same with us. It's getting serious.

A crisis in the market doesn't just affect estate agents.

The local economy goes down. - We are making progress.

We've eliminated a number of suspects.

Eliminated? Well, that's great.

How about actually catching them?

Hi, Gina.

Hiya.

What can I do for you then?

Can I have a word about that painting Mum sold you?

I didn't buy it, it was Oscar.

You see...

because my mum likes a thing, she assumes it must be valuable.

Can you tell Oscar not to worry? I'll buy it back.

Oh, good. I can't wait to get the thing off the wall.

We'll all be working overtime from now on.

I've compiled a list from estate agents

of houses still for sale.

We patrol them every night.

I want to show our presence to reassure the public

and let whoever is behind this know that we mean business.

Mrs Ventress won't like this.

Steve as good as admitted it's worthless.

He's offered to buy them all back.

Oh, has he? Well, that's good of him.

I've had comments from the customers, Oscar.

None of them like the painting. They prefer landscapes

or hunting prints. - Oscar...

Do you want to sell that painting? - Why?

Well, I feel responsible.

I mean, I introduced Babs here, and she's taken £ off us all.

- Steve's offered to buy them back. - Well, he can't afford to do that.

Look, I'll take yours off your hands,

and then Steve can speak to me any time.

You realise, it cost me £.

It's a work of art. £ and it's yours.

£.

- £. - Done.

- That's very generous. - It's the least I can do.

It keeps the set together, you know what I mean?

Easier to deal with.

That wasn't very nice, Oscar. Making money on it.

He deserves it. He's a philistine.

Here we are, David. £.

- You gave Mr Scripps £ for his. - Yours is smaller.

Anyway, you didn't pay for it.

You get a fiver for nothing.

Yeah, but I wanted to keep mine.

Anyway, she gave it to me because she said I was calmer than you.

David, she meant karma with a K, not calmer with a...

Oh, never mind. Look, Babs just wanted to keep the set together.

Oh, all right. Here you are. £.

You can visit your Aunt Florrie times for that.

STEVE: Wondered where you'd got to.

Amazingly tranquil, this spot.

I bet ancient ley lines run through here.

Mum, we're going to have to sort out some house rules.

Firstly, no more flogging your knick-knacks to people I know.

A work of art, Steve,

is worth as much as anyone is willing to pay for it.

No more, no less.

Apparently, Vernon Scripps has now bought the whole set.

I can't let him waste his money.

Well, I can always take them back.

It's not the point.

It's not proper for a local bobby or his family

to be running up dodgy phone bills and flogging things in pubs.

I'm sorry, Steve.

Whatever I do, I seem to let you down.

I only want to help.

Come on.

Best get back. We're on the lookout for Des Res tonight.

Don't wait up for me. I may be some time.

Where's he taking the paintings?

Leeds. He's hoping to flog 'em on and make a few shillings.

Babs wanted them to go to a good home. I hope he remembers.

I'm sure he will, David.

MUSIC: 'Riders In The Sky' by Max Bygraves

♪ An old cowboy went riding out one dark and windy day

♪ Upon a ridge he rested as he went along his way

♪ When all at once a mighty herd... ♪

PHONE RINGS

Jack, darling.

Oh, no, sorry. Yes, this is the police house.

No, I'm afraid he's not.

Break-in?

RINGS

Ashfordly police station.

Er, no, madam. PC Crane's out on patrol.

Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, Mrs Crane.

The rectory. Gloomy place. I passed it on my walk today.

No, the chap definitely said he saw an intruder breaking in.

'Will you make sure Steve gets the message quickly?'

Don't worry, Mrs Crane. Leave it to me.

Control to Delta Alpha -. Come in, please. Over.

'Control to Delta Alpha -.'

'Come in, please. Over.'

CRASH

Get out of my way.

Move.

HE GRUNTS

Let's have a look at you.

Mum!

Are you all right?

I'm fine. Meet Des Res.

Matthews had been fired and was working out his notice.

His head office found he'd conned an old lady.

He valued her house too cheaply,

got a mate to buy it, then sold it on at a profit.

Why didn't head office tell you about it?

They let him work out his notice.

They didn't want the firm's name involved in any scandal.

It's none of my business, but...

where did you learn to throw a man like that?

Army wives' training in Germany.

Mum passed out Top Wife, Self-Defence,

British Army on the Rhine, three years running.

About the only useful thing that came out of my time there.

Apart from my lovely Stevie.

Well, we owe you a debt of thanks.

Sorry to interrupt, sarge.

Taxi for Mrs Crane.

Why didn't you tell me you were going?

I only found out this morning.

Jack phoned.

He's sold his novel to Universal Pictures.

They want him to write the screenplay. We're in the money!

That's amazing. He's cabled some bread

so I can fly to California.

I was just getting used to you being around.

I'll be back.

Goodbye, Stevie, darling.

I must fly.

Otherwise I'll miss my train.

Sorry, meant to come by earlier.

Mum left the money to buy back the paintings.

- Has she gone, then? - Yesterday morning.

You're too late. Vernon took 'em off

night before last to an art dealer in Leeds.

I was expecting him back long before now.

An art dealer?

He's wasting his time. - BERNIE: He found this article,

which explains why he was so keen to buy the pictures off all of us.

STEVE: I hope he knows what he's doing.

It'll be the first time ever if he does.

- What are you doing in that? - More to the point, whose is it?

Bernard, all my life

I've sensed I was destined for great wealth and influence.

Well, it has now finally arrived.

STEVE: That Bentley is yours, Mr Scripps?

VERNON: It most certainly is.

Thanks to my innate talent for spotting a business opportunity.

- The paintings were worth money? - A unique set of three,

he said. Worth a life-changing sum, Bernard.

Three? I thought there were four paintings.

There were indeed, David.

I've kept Tower Bridge as a memento for our wall.

Valet the Bentley for me, will you, Bernard,

while I see to pressing matters of business?