13x03 - Mother's Little Helpers

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss stay in my memory? ♪

OWL HOOTING

TENSE MUSIC

BIN CLATTERS

DOG BARKING

What's up with you?

Get off!

DOOR RATTLES

Sorry, David. Did I wake you?

EXHALES

Michael, you'll miss the bus. You should have done that last night.

Mum, can we have our holiday money?

You'll get pocket money at the end of the week.

Dad would give us some if he was here.

Yeah, well, he isn't here.

I've got your grandad to pick up in minutes, so move it.

How come he gets a lift and we don't?

- You've had a stroke, have you? - I might have.

Don't think so. You've never done a stroke in your life.

Shut it, clever d*ck.

Cut it out, you two, for pity's sake. Now, move it!

MYSTERIOUS MUSIC

Won't you feel a bit stupid going home in your pyjamas?

No, I've got my clothes in the car.

I'll get changed and leave my pyjamas here ready.

Ready for what?

For another night when I can't settle.

MUSIC: 'Liquidator' by Harry J Allstars

- All clear. - Right, come on.

You could, of course, change your mind and move into my place.

- Oh, no. No, I can't. - Why not?

Well, for one, Alfred wouldn't like it.

Oh, do you know that's just the sort of gormless repartee I'm missing

before I go to bed.

Anyway, I'm not moving.

I mean, apart from anything else,

well, you're different when you're in that new place.

How do you mean?

Well, spouting all posh.

Spouting all posh?

Yeah, and you're talking la-di-da.

Are you referring to my diction?

Ooh, I don't know.

What you must realise, David,

is that people in my position have standards to maintain.

It's no good being king of one's castle and talking like the footman.

Or the driver.

No. You're not just a driver.

You're my personal chauffeur.

Well, I don't want to be a chauffeur.

I want to be a taxi driver like before.

HE GROANS

- Hello, Linda. - Oh, hello, Doctor.

What are you doing here?

I brought Mal's father in for his physiotherapy.

Oh, right. How's he doing?

Oh, improving slowly.

I'm afraid that's often the way with strokes.

You looked preoccupied. I thought that something had happened.

No. Just the usual ups and downs.

Actually, I wanted to talk to you about your medication.

It's nothing to worry about. It's just to review, really.

Would you call in to the surgery later on today?

- Later. Yes, all right. - Make a time with Jenny.

Yeah, right.

MUSIC: 'Liquidator' by Harry J Allstars

Guess who?

What are you doing here?

Well, that's a nice, warm welcome, sister dear.

Oh, forget the flannel. Just tell me why you're here.

I was in the area and it seemed rude not to drop in.

You shouldn't have bothered

because wherever you go, trouble's not far behind.

Chrissie, don't be like that.

Well, then just tell me what you want.

Food, money and a bed for the night.

Well, you did ask.

DAVID: Here you are, then.

I hope nobody important sees me arriving like this.

They'll think I've gone bust.

- What's this? - It's all I've got.

It's enough to get you home.

Yeah, on a fast track to losing my legs.

These blokes don't fool around, Christine.

You should have thought of that before you gambled

what you haven't got.

Ah, hello, Mr Scripps.

How are you today?

Very well, Christine, thank you.

Your usual and the lunch time menu?

Thank you.

Is your chauffeur going to wait outside in the car?

No, no. He's off on other business.

He runs a small taxi firm in his spare time.

And I hate to discourage enterprise,

so we've left the Bentley at home today.

I see. I thought I'd have some sandwiches sent out to him.

Oh, that's very kind of you.

Do you know, if I could persuade him to stop, I would.

Then he'd be in here with me having a slap-up meal in the restaurant.

He's not just a chauffeur. He's more like a son, really.

UPBEAT SIXTIES MUSIC PLAYS

Want to come to the flicks with Frankie and me?

- I ain't got any money. - We've thought of something.

- Where did you get 'em? - We bunked off and chopped them.

You sell them to Cloughie, we'll split the money.

- Why don't you sell them yourself? - He hates us.

You've got a load. Seven and six?

Thanks, Mr Clough. CASH REGISTER PINGS

Won't keep you a moment, Mrs Hortlethwaite.

Thank you.

- Seven and six. - Well, give it here, then.

- Half a crown each. - Listen to brains.

Here's a tanner. Don't spend it all at once.

CHRISTINE: The North Moor spout.

Now you can see why I'm so happy to live up here.

Sure. I'm happy that you're happy, sis,

but you left a lot of friends behind.

- I'm making new ones. - So I noticed.

That Mr Scripps seemed very taken.

How did he get his brass?

A windfall, I gather. And, no, he's not about to share it all with me.

Don't be so sure. I saw a definite twinkle.

MUSIC: 'Hot Days' by The Troggs

- What's that place? - Some old ruin.

It hasn't been lived in for years.

♪ Warm days, summer nights ♪

- Here you are. - Thank you.

Has Linda Rollins made an appointment yet?

No.

Now why doesn't that surprise me?

Does her husband spend much time at home now?

Oh, less and less, I hear.

The money he earns must be some compensation.

OUTER DOOR CLOSES

Erm, I'll just be a moment.

It's Dennis. He rang earlier to ask me out for a drink.

- Good. - Is it?

Absolutely. It's about time the pair of you made up.

He's been in the doghouse long enough, don't you think?

SOFT MUSIC

I assumed my assistant must have sold a lot.

When she said she hadn't, the penny dropped.

- How much did you give him? - Seven and six,

to buy my own sticks back. He stood there as if butter wouldn't melt.

- STEVE: You found the sticks? - Yeah.

- Where? - In a pram in the bushes.

And you didn't think they could belong to somebody?

- Michael. - No.

The shop owner thinks they were taken from his yard.

It couldn't have been Michael, he was at school.

- But Barry wasn't. - What?

Barry!

Constable Crane says you weren't at school. Why not?

- They gave me the day off. - What for?

- Good behaviour. - Don't talk rubbish.

Barry, did you take sticks from the yard?

What sticks?

Did your brother give you them to sell?

I just said. I found them.

Look, you might sleep better if you didn't eat here so often.

Really?

My mother says too much rich food isn't good for you.

Does she, now?

She almost choked to death once on an Eccles cake.

So that's how you got the money to go to the pictures.

Get out of my sight! Go on, both of you!

When your dad gets home, you're for it!

- Thanks. - Cheers.

I had a call from the travel agent this morning.

Oh?

She can only hold the reservations for another couple of days.

But I thought you'd cancelled it.

I tried to, but she wouldn't hear of it.

She said if I wasn't going on honeymoon with you,

then she'd go with me instead. SHE LAUGHS

And what did you say?

I said, "Thanks, but I'll stick with Plan A.

Even if Plan A isn't exactly stuck on me."

- All right, Oscar? - Oh, yeah. Not so bad, thanks.

Er, pint, please.

So, it's back on again, is it, with Sarge and Jenny?

Yeah, well it looks like it.

They've been canoodling over there ever since they came in.

Half on, half on.

Hey, you're a good one to talk. Having taken Gina away on holiday,

I thought you might be making an honest woman of her at last.

It's not for lack of trying, I can tell you, Oscar.

- Where is she, by the way? - She's in the kitchen.

Oh. Thanks, Oscar. Excuse me a minute.

Any of those going spare?

Hey, no. They've been made to order

and the dominoes team count every single one.

Oh, it's a pity. They smell good.

- And so do you. - Yeah, eau de pork stuffing.

- Are you all right? - Yeah, why?

You've been a bit quiet lately, that's all.

I'm fine.

You get this cheaper in the off-licence.

I know, but this is nearer and I've left the boys.

I'd never have guessed that vodka was Mal's father's tipple.

No, well...

CASH REGISTER PINGS

So, how is Mal?

Fine, last time I spoke to him.

- Remember me to him. - I will.

And I hope the old boy enjoys his birthday treat.

Don't worry about that.

I'll just be a second.

- Linda? - Oh, hello.

What happened? The doctor was expecting you.

Oh, yeah, sorry. I forgot.

Well, best you call and make an appointment tomorrow.

Yeah, right.

- Still no sign? - He's usually spot on.

Come inside. I'll call you another taxi.

Right.

Good.

That's fine.

Pocket, Ventress.

Sorry, Sarge.

What's special about today, Ventress?

Nothing, Sarge. I always bring a packet of crisps with me.

It's the first day of the school holidays.

Oh, yes.

So we know what's in store.

Holiday for them means work for us.

And just so we don't clog up the files with petty infringements,

the chief super has written a standard letter of caution

for any young tearaway who qualifies for the rap over the knuckles.

- All right? - ALL: Yes, Sarge.

MUSIC: 'Casting My Spell' by The Pirates

♪ I took a black cat, cave bat

♪ Threw them in the pot, pot, pot pot, pot, pot

♪ I took a blue snake, green snake

♪ Tied them in a knot, knot, knot knot, knot, knot

♪ I took a hog's jaw, dogs paw

♪ Hung them on the line, line, line line, line, line

♪ I took a horse hair, green pear

♪ Made a pretty sign, sign, sign sign, sign, sign

♪ I'm castin' my spell on you I'm castin' my spell on you

David?

♪ You'll never, never be untrue Hey ♪

David!

MYSTERIOUS MUSIC

CHAINS RATTLE

DOOR RATTLES

- Is he being charged? - It's an official warning.

But Michael said he found the fire wood.

I think we both know how he came by it.

Either way, he sold what didn't belong to him.

I don't understand it.

Barry's as daft as a brush. But Michael's a bright lad.

- So I'm told. - He's the only one in his class

to pass the eleven-plus.

All he wants to do is hang around with Barry and his g*ng.

Lads at that age, Mrs Rollins. They come through it.

DOORBELL

I'll be on my way.

Oh, hello.

If Mohammed won't come to the mountain...

Oh, if it's not convenient, I can...

I was just going.

Bye, Mrs Rollins. Doctor.

Problems?

- Bernard, have you seen David? - No.

He didn't pick me up at Webster's Hotel last night as arranged.

Probably forgot.

And he didn't sleep in his bed either.

Now, he doesn't normally forget that.

TENSE MUSIC

- Come off them? For how long? - For good, hopefully.

According to my records, they were prescribed

when your mother died two years ago.

Well, yes, about the time Mal got his job in Aberdeen.

I had the funeral to arrange,

his father to look after and I just couldn't cope.

And antidepressants are perfectly sensible in those circumstances.

But it's very important, Linda, that you don't become dependent on them.

I'm sorry, Doctor, this isn't a good time to ask me to give them up.

- Why not? - Nothing especially.

It's just I still feel a bit shaky.

I don't think I could cope without my pills.

So, how long are you going to keep me here?

Depends.

On what?

On your boss coming up with the money.

But... I've told you, I'm not even family.

You should have kidnapped somebody worth having

like a Beatle or Shirley Bassey.

Leave the business side of things to me, eh?

So, erm...

How much are you asking for me?

- Five grand. - Five grand what?

£,.

Five thou...

You mean, Mr Vernon's going to have to give you £,

or... or I can't go home?

PHONE RINGS

RINGING CONTINUES

Vernon Scripps.

I've got him.

- Who is this? - 'I've got your driver.'

You've got David? Where?

Somewhere safe for the moment.

- 'I'm not with you.' - He's safe,

just as long as you do as I say. - What do you want?

£,.

Look, what makes you think I've got that sort of money?

Don't play games, Mr Scripps.

Don't go telling the police or it'll be the worse for your lad.

'I'll call tomorrow with instructions.'

Is David there now?

DISCONNECT TONE Hello?

Ta-ra. Watch your step. Ta-ra.

♪ Sugar for my honey

This way.

♪ Sweets for my sweet

♪ Sugar for my honey

- Better not let me down, now. - What?

See that window?

Frankie says if we get a load of ciggies, we can sell them easy.

Nah, it's too risky.

It's too small for me, our kid.

Are you sticking with me or not?

♪ Darling, I would chase that bright star nightly

♪ And try to steal it from the sky

♪ And I would bring sweets for my sweet, sugar for my honey

♪ Your first sweet kiss thrilled me so

♪ Sweets for my sweet

♪ Sugar for my honey

♪ I'll never, ever, let you go ♪

CAR HORN

- Hi, Liz. - Gina, how are you?

- Still feeling a bit rough. - Same symptoms?

Yeah. Have the test results come back?

No, not yet, but I'll chase them up.

In the meantime, don't jump to any conclusions.

I'll try not to.

- Ta-ra. - Bye, now.

ENGINE REVS

TENSE MUSIC

CASH REGISTER PINGS

Gotcha!

What were you going to do with the cigarettes?

Answer the constable.

I dunno.

- Who was with you? - Nobody.

Mr Blaketon heard running footsteps.

Who was waiting, Michael?

You had a letter from us warning you about your future conduct.

- You're in breach of that caution. - What does that mean?

It means Sergeant Merton may decide to prosecute.

- No, Constable. He's only . - I'm sorry, Mrs Rollins.

You see what you've done? You've got yourself a criminal record.

Of course you should tell the police.

Bernard, this bloke meant business.

The police will know what to do. They're used to this sort of thing.

Sheep rustling and folk dropping litter

is what they're used to round here, not kidnapping.

Maybe so, but they'll have a book about it.

Oh, wonderful(!)

By the time they've read the manual, David's fingers will be in the post.

So, you're going to pay up, are you?

Whatever it takes to get the lad back.

It's an awful lot of money, Vernon.

You could talk them down a bob or two.

- You expect me to haggle? - Well...

What price life, Bernard?

Especially when that person happens to be my right-hand man.

And besides, all the people round here

have said some pretty rotten things about me since I came into money.

Well, now they can see just how wrong they were.

CAR DOOR SLAMS Hold on. I'll be back.

Afternoon.

I had high hopes for you.

A doctor, a solicitor, that's what I had in mind.

A solicitor with a criminal record.

- What's for grub, Mum? - Get your own.

- There's nothing in. I've looked. - Well, look again.

- Can we have chips? - I'm not cooking chips.

- Well, from the chippy, then? - Barry, forget it.

Please, Mum.

♪ Seems I've got to have a change of scene

♪ Cos every night I have the strangest dreams

ENGINE STARTS

♪ Imprisoned by the way it could have been

♪ Left here on my own or so it seems

♪ I've got to leave before I start to scream

LOUD SCRAPE

♪ You feeling all right?

♪ I'm not feelin' too good myself ♪

Twist.

Twist.

Twist.

You do know how to play pontoon?

Yeah.

Twist.

- Hello, Mrs Rollins. - What now?

We're investigating a traffic accident.

We think you might be able to help.

I don't know anything about an accident.

You are the owner of a Morris Minor WYB?

Yes.

It's reported to have been in collision with another car.

MUSIC: 'Rifka' by Jet Harris

MUSIC STOPS

Upstairs, you two.

You say you popped to the chip shop?

Yes, but if it were me, I'd have felt a bump.

Did you have anything to drink before you popped out?

To drink? A cup of tea, perhaps.

- Nothing stronger? - I don't drink anything stronger.

The witness said they saw your car veering from side to side.

I don't drink.

Then you won't mind taking a breath test.

No, I can't. I'm sorry. I told you, I can't help you.

Refusal to take the test

will leave you liable for arrest and prosecution.

OK. Deep breath.

SHE BLOWS INTO BAG

It's positive.

You best find a neighbour to keep an eye on the boys.

What?

You're going to have to come to the station.

I can't.

Mrs Rollins, I'm arresting you on suspicion of driving

with more than the prescribed limit of alcohol in the blood.

You will also be reported for failing to stop after an accident.

- It's impossible. - You're not obliged to say anything

but what you do say may be put in writing

and given in evidence.

I need to go to the bathroom.

MUSIC: 'Rifka' by Jet Harris

BIRDS SQUAWKING

- Mr Scripps? - What's up?

We've had information that David Stockwell's been kidnapped.

- Who told you that? - Your brother.

Brother you call him. Copper's nark, more like.

He tells us you're willing to pay the ransom.

That's none of your business.

That's where you're wrong, I'm afraid.

Payment of ransom is a concealing offence.

- You what? - You're helping the kidnapper

to commit the crime.

I'd advise you to give us your fullest cooperation.

Mrs Rollins?

- What's going on? - She's been there since you left.

- Did you get a neighbour? - Yeah.

KNOCKS DOOR Mrs Rollins?

Come on! Let's get it over with.

Hey, what are you doing?

You can't get out of it like that, you know. Come on.

Are you all right, Linda?

Don't worry about the boys, Linda.

OWL HOOTING

I spy with my little eye something beginning with...

- "Luh." - "L."

Now, I wonder what that could be.

- Lips? - No.

- Laces? - No.

- Leg? - No.

What's going on?

Oh... Brought Mrs Rollins in on a drink-drive charge.

Was she driving in this state?

No, she's tied a few on since, trying to fool the system,

but I told her. I said, "It won't do you any good."

Phone Dr Merrick.

- Latch? - No.

- Lock? - No.

- Log? - No. Look, do you give up?

- One last go. - Go on, then.

- Lamp. - No.

- No? - No.

What, then?

Little, dead moth.

Cor, I bet you could kick yourself.

In here, Doctor.

Linda? Linda?

- Call an ambulance. - Why? What is it?

Quickly!

What's happened?

Mrs Rollins collapsed at the station.

I've been sent to have a look round.

What for?

We're not sure what's wrong with her.

Upset. That's what's wrong with her.

Bobbies on the doorstep day and night.

Husband nowhere to be seen.

So she might have had a drink. There's no law against that.

Not yet, anyway.

What is it?

Trouble.

SOMBRE MUSIC

You can come in now.

Hello, love.

You thought she was trying to evade charges.

Yes, Sarge.

- And no sign of a pill bottle? - No.

Did you look?

Well, no. Not really, no.

Was there anything to indicate that Mrs Rollins was desperate enough

to do what she did? - No, Sarge.

No, Sarge.

All right. Thank you.

Make sure your notebooks carry a clear and a full account.

I knew something wasn't right with her.

We're not doctors, Steve.

We did what we had to do. We're in the clear.

BELL RINGS

Yes, sir.

I want to see the sergeant in charge. The name's Mal Rollins.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Mr Rollins, Sarge.

Ah, come in, Mr Rollins.

- I better be going. - No, no, please.

This is Dr Merrick. She was called to see your wife.

I hear Linda's making a steady recovery.

No thanks to anyone here.

As soon as Dr Merrick diagnosed the problem, action was taken.

Oh, slap on the back, then. Job well done.

My men responded to an accident report as was their duty.

Duty, was it?

To bully a woman and two kids in their own home

until she takes an overdose?

Your wife consumed a quantity of alcohol in the bathroom.

My officers thought she was trying to sabotage further tests.

I would probably have thought the same.

Yeah, course you would.

Mr Rollins, the breath test showed she was over the limit.

Rubbish. She hardly touches the stuff.

I'm telling you the facts.

Well, here's another. She was in your care when she took those pills.

That's what I'll be telling my solicitor.

- Easy come, easy go. - What's that supposed to mean?

You're making it too easy for him. He'll come back for more.

If not to you, to somebody else.

PHONE RINGS

RINGING CONTINUES

Don't rush. And note everything down.

Vernon Scripps.

Have you got the money?

- I need a bit more time. - 'No more time. I want it today.'

Beg, borrow or steal it if you want to see your mate again.

Look, how do I know you've got him?

Hello, Mr Vernon.

- 'It's me.' - David, are you all right?

- 'Yeah, I'm fine.' - He hasn't harmed you?

No, no, no, but he has got a right nasty temper when he loses at I Spy.

WHISPERS Keep him talking.

Have you... had enough to eat?

- Oh, yeah. We've had egg... - That's enough.

- I've got to go now. - Wait a minute.

Can't spout no more.

- David! - Shut up and listen.

Put five thousand in used notes in a plain grip bag.

In one hour, I want you and the bag in the middle of the railway bridge

between Aidensfield and Elsenby.

What about David?

Do what I say, your mate will be freed.

Try anything stupid and he won't.

DISCONNECT TONE

He wants me in the middle of Elsenby bridge in an hour with the money.

- What did David say? - What?

What did he say exactly?

Oh, he said something about this bloke was a bad loser at I Spy.

I Spy.

Did he say anything else?

No, he took the phone off him.

He said he couldn't spout no more.

He couldn't spout no more?

- The kidnapper said that? - No, David did.

Does it ever occur to you that David could be brighter than you think?

In a word, no.

In out, in out, go put your head in the North Moor spout.

Jump to the rooftops, bounce on the floor.

But keep on skipping till you spout no more.

I think he was trying to give us a clue to his whereabouts.

David was?

That's my hunch.

- Nah. - Well, at school,

he acted as a goalpost in the winter,

and in the summer he held the skipping rope.

He never moved a muscle all year.

But he'd know all the rhymes.

Can I have a word, Sarge?

Yes.

Go and find Mr Scripps a comfortable seat in the duty room, would you?

No, you can leave the bag here.

It is a police station.

SHEEP BLEATING

CAR APPROACHES

- First pass? - It could be.

FAINT SOUND OF TRAIN ENGINE

Drop it!

He's under the bridge.

Move!

TRAIN WHISTLE

SIREN WAILS

The bag! Drop the bag!

SIREN WAILS

MAN: He's gone under the bridge!

MUSIC: 'Yellow River' by Christie

♪ So long, boy you can take my place

♪ Got my papers, I got my pay

♪ So pack my bags and I'll be on my way

♪ To Yellow River, Yellow River

♪ Put my g*n down, the w*r is won

♪ Fill my glass high the time has come

Five grand he paid for you. Is that man a saint or a sucker?

Good question.

Do the honours, Phil.

♪ Yellow River is in my mind and in my eyes

♪ Yellow River, Yellow River

♪ Is in my blood it's the place I love

♪ Got no time for explanations got no time to lose

♪ Tomorrow night you'll find me sleepin' underneath the moon

♪ At Yellow River

HE GROANS

♪ I'm so glad that I'm still alive

♪ And I've been gone for such a long time

♪ From Yellow River, Yellow River

♪ I remember the nights were cool

♪ I can still see the water pool

♪ And I remember the girl that I knew at Yellow River... ♪

- Hello. - Hello, Constable.

My sergeant suggested I call and see how you're doing.

I'm much better, thanks.

I feel so ashamed. There are people here with real problems.

Your problems are real enough, Mrs Rollins.

I shouldn't have driven, I know that.

I wasn't intending to go out, so I had a drink.

Just the one?

Yeah. I thought I'd be all right.

Linda Rollins needs help, not punishment.

Oh, agreed but if we don't prosecute,

it would seem like we have something to hide or worse.

JENNY: You know, we're not entirely blameless.

- DENNIS: Who's we? - JENNY: Doctors, pharmacists.

Thanks.

- What for? - Listening.

- And sharing the blame? - Every little helps.

Well, it's my pleasure.

How about sharing a life as well?

Is this a new proposal of marriage?

It must be weeks since the last one.

SHE LAUGHS

-Doesn't time fly? - Time is not on my side.

So let's do it.

Do you mean that?

What do you want?

I've been to see Linda.

There was no hint of complaint.

When she gets back, she'll see things differently.

When was the last time you came home, Mr Rollins?

- What's that got to do with you? - Are you aware of her problems?

What problems? She was happy enough before you barged in.

She let us in, Mr Rollins.

She wasn't happy, she was desperate.

Without family support, she turned to alcohol.

Don't talk rubbish.

- Ask the lads. - You leave them out of it.

He's right, Dad. We'll show you.

SOMBRE MUSIC

She was really hiding these from herself.

What now?

If you make a complaint, the situation will become public.

I don't think that will help her much.

What about the charge?

If we can be sure that Linda will have your support,

Sergeant Merton might be persuaded to review the case.

Review it?

There could be grounds for not prosecuting.

If I stay here and look after her?

What do you think?

What about Michael?

- The same. - Are you going to stay here, Dad?

Well, it's looking that way, son.

- For good? - Let's see, eh?

I've got a few things to sort out.

- Oh, brilliant. - Brilliant!

No, it was a bit of a shock, that's all I'm saying.

Well, it was just as much a shock to me, David.

I mean, a bag full of newspaper cuttings.

David, I didn't know about it either.

He might have opened that bag if Mr Ventress hadn't found me.

All credit to you, David.

Oh, how was that, Alf?

Well, go on. Tell them how we found you.

Oh, why don't you?

Well, in out, in out, go put your head in the North Moor spout.

Jump to the rooftops, bounce on the floor,

but keep on skipping till you spout no more.

- Yes? - Yeah.

HE CHUCKLES

What's all this, then?

I don't know. I never heard it before.

- Phil, can I have a word? - Yeah.

Two pints, please, Oscar.

You look worried. What's up?

Something serious?

Yeah. Yeah, it's serious.

Come on. It can't be that bad.

- I'm sorry, Phil. - Sorry for what?

SHE SIGHS

I'm pregnant.

- Are you sure? - I'm certain.

- I've had the tests. - Flipping heck.

Then there's only one thing I can say.

Fantastic. Eh!

Eh, everyone. I'm going to be a dad!

Come here. SHE GIGGLES